The Ramsey Show - App - My Mother Disagrees With My Mental Health Decisions (Hour 1)

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. Sitting in for Dave, I'm Dr. John Deloney, here with my good friend, best-selling author, podcast extraordinaire, Mr. Anthony O'Neill. How are you doing, good man? Man, I'm feeling good today. It's a beautiful day here in Nashville, Tennessee, and looking forward to serving and helping as many people as we possibly can today. Outstanding. All right, let's go right to the phones.

Let's go to Hunter in Washington, D.C. Hunter, what's going on? How can we help? Hi, thanks for taking my call. I appreciate it. You got it, Hunter, what's going on? How can we help? Hi, thanks for taking my call. I appreciate it. You got it, man. What's going on? So I'm calling, my wife and I are calling on behalf of a family member. We've been watching them make a lot of bad financial decisions recently, and we've tried to talk with them nicely and gently to kind of guide them in the right direction,

but they keep continuing to make bad decisions, and we're getting pretty worried about them, kind of starting to realize that maybe we need to be a little more aggressive, but we don't want to obviously mess up that relationship. Who's this family member? Who's the family member? Sister-in-law and her husband. So how honest do you want me to be, Hunter? As honest as you should be. There's not a lot you can do man um you can't make somebody make good decisions with their money you can model the right way to live your life you can have a

a kind dignified respectful hard, if you will. Most of the time, people know that they're not making good decisions, and more information or a lecture isn't going to help them. What do you think, Anthony? No, I'm right there with you on that one, J.D. I think that, Hunter, you've just got to have an honest conversation. Once you have that honest conversation, you've done the very best you can do. Move on and focus on you if you have a family and your family you know uh but i think oftentimes what we tend to do is take on the stress and the

pain and the hurt and the responsibility of others rather than just focusing on ourselves go have an honest conversation hey you're making some unwise decisions um i see you going down this path and this path is leading to destruction uh and if they hear it great if they don't hear it cool you've done your part but don't be overstressed about it take care of you and your family and you'll be all right is that hard to hear hunter yeah i mean you know my wife and i we've done all right for ourselves, but it's hard to watch someone continue to make bad decisions. Especially, it just seems like you can't get through to them. It's heartbreaking to find out what we can and can't control sometimes,

especially with folks we love. It's even harder when you know you're going to be responsible in some shape, form, or fashion on the back end, when it's your parent and you know you're going to be responsible in some shape, form, or fashion on the back end, right, when it's your parent. And you know they are burning through money, Anthony, and they're probably going to end up having to live with us at some point. Or I'm going to have to make a hard call. And those are challenging, challenging moments. And you can do what you can do and not hold the outcome.

Is it really heartbreaking? I don't know if it is for me, bro. It is for me. Why would you say it's not? I mean, because it's like if I'd done everything within my power to help them, I'm not going to be hurt for something that I cannot control. Yeah, I'm a more empathetic human than you are. You are. I'm just going to be real. I mean, because if I told my parents all these years, hey, pay off your debt, do this, do that, do this, do that, and then they decide not to listen. Why am I hurt by that?

I hate to see people I love hurting. But they chose to hurt. That's right. So I'm not hurt to see you choosing to hurt. It's empathy. Yeah, that's my... You're a counselor. That's why I'm just...

They call me... I ain't going to say that. All right, let's go to Jennifer in Philadelphia. We're not going to get two calls out here before we get canceled. All right, Jennifer, what's going on? How can I help? Hey, how's it going? Good.

So my husband and I are both unemployed. We're both generating no income, having both been laid off. And we've recently moved from California to the East Coast and are now staying with family. My husband just purchased a small business, and he wants to take out—he purchased that in cash, and he wants to take out another about $15,000 small business loan, and we have about $25,000 more in credit card debt. So that is our total debt at this time um we have been living off of our 401k so my question is whether we should um we have about 60,000 left in our 401k

if we should take from that to pay off this credit card debt and the small business loan and then my second question is Wait, wait, wait. Let's talk about this first question first because this first question may not even make it to the second. Well, her second question was revealing. Go ahead, Anthony. How do you create a budget with no income?

Yeah, yeah. Okay, Woosa. Oh, yeah. We're taking deep meditative breaths, Jennifer. We're going to lead with love. We're going to lead with love today. We're going to lead with love. All right.

First off, thank you for calling in to the show. That's number one. Okay. Number two is, let me make sure I have the correct picture here. Both of you all are unemployed. You moved from California to Pennsylvania, which is great. All right. You have no money.

You went and paid cash for a business that a business normally takes about three years to start producing positive cash flow. Then you have a 401k that you haven't transferred into a traditional IRA to set you up for your future. Now you want to take out more debt and possibly borrow from your 401k to establish another type of business or to go into the business. And still neither one of you all are working and you're living with your your your family members is that picture correct that i just painted it's not as bleak as that but it's pretty correct except that the business that he bought was um a pretty nominal fee it was like three thousand dollars and it's, and it's like a tech support business.

So he can jump in and start making income pretty much within the next couple of months. He's just cleaning up the shop. I am working. I'm in travel, and so I got a gig where I'm working now, but I'm only getting paid on commission. And some of these people aren't traveling until like 2022. So I won't be money until then. So, um, so Jennifer, cause we're running out of time here and I want to make sure I give you your answer here. The very first thing that you two need to be doing is you all need to get on the plane. Okay. You need to get on the plane as far as and get a job. Both of you all need to get a job

at least to start off. Okay. Now $3,000 spending on a small business, I'm okay with that. But if I would have caught you beforehand, I would have said, no, you need to be stacking all of your cash. And so that way you all can live. So that way you can take care of your four walls. You shouldn't be investing into a company when you're living with family right now. And when you say get a job, you're talking Home Depot, McDonald's, Uber, whatever. Right. Do what you got to do right now so you can eventually do what you really want to do.

But right now, you all need to get your priorities covered. You're in an emergency. Yeah. You don't have the capability to spend $3,000 on a business right now. You need to be spending $3,000 on yourself so you can take care of your priorities. Now, once you get your priorities situated, then call back into the show.

Holler at John. Holler at myself. Holler at Dave. Holler at the personalities, and we'll help you out. But right now, get your life straight. You're broke. You gotta eat. Get jobs. A bunch of them. Oh, I'm frustrated. We're going already. Two calls in. This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

Do you feel like you'll never save enough money or pay off all your debt? After a year like 2020, most of America feels that way. But money shouldn't be one more thing you have to worry about. That's why in 2021, we're hitting reset. You can take control of your money. You just need the right plan. Ramsey Plus is our step-by-step plan that helps you get quick wins so you make faster progress on your debt. And once that debt's gone for good, you get more money back in your pocket to spend and save worry-free.

And now you can get Ramsey Plus with our newest bestseller, Know Yourself, Know Your Money. So here's our challenge to you. First, decide on a total money reset this year. Then start Ramsey Plus. Commit to working hard for 90 days and watch your daily wins turn into lifelong habits. To start Ramsey Plus for free, go to Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend, podcast YouTube extraordinaire, Anthony O'Neill.

We're taking your calls on life, money, anything that's going on, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. So, Anthony, you launched a podcast. I did, man. And it's doing very, very well right now. Catching a lot of interesting thoughts. This week is, as we all know, it's Black History Month.

And so on the first week of every single month, I take the opportunity to just bring in some black people. And we talk about our thoughts and our feelings on how do we feel as a black individual. And not everyone agrees with everything. But man, I will tell you right now, the views, the comments, the perspectives are just insane. I mean, we're getting a lot of views. We're getting a lot of attention with it.

So I wanna encourage everyone to take your time to watch the Black History Panel this week and come into this with the perspective of listening to learn, not listening to respond. So one of the important, if you were to say, hey, Deloney, what's one of the most important things that's happened in your marriage the last couple of years? It was this perspective my wife and I had when we shifted from judgment to curiosity. Oh, that's good.

When she would say, hey, can you help pick this up? And my first thought was, do you know how busy I am at two? Tell me how I can help. And it's been a game changer for all of us. And it goes all the way through. That same shift from judgment to curiosity has helped me have political conversations, has helped me have hard cultural conversations, has helped me when you and I are talking. Absolutely.

It's helped me. We all know this. If you listen to the Dave Ramsey Show, you heard me say this before. When I first got here, man, I really was offended by the word redneck ah yeah i was offended yeah and then when i sat down and said hey dave hey rachel hey hey jb like what does this mean like this doesn't mean good to me to help me understand i was literally listening to learn right not to go to war not to go to war not to come back and fight but to be like yo in my culture where i come from in the black community you say redneck that's automatic

racist and i'm like when i came here and i heard dave say that i heard somebody i was like yo what well what wait but then when i listened to learn i learned exactly what this word actually means and i was like okay cool great and so that's what I'm saying it's so important because you're right once you listen to learn man you can go into so many rooms I go into so many rooms that I don't agree with 50% of what they're saying but I leave watch this smarter the way I came in because I went into the room to listen to have a conversation and here's my. If everyone thinks and agrees just like you in your circle, you don't have a circle. You don't have a circle.

You do not have a circle. If you only read books that you already know you're going to agree with. Yeah, and if you're a Republican and you don't know any Democrats, you have a bad circle. And vice versa. And Democrats, you don't have any Republicans, you're in a bad circle. Like if you're black and all you got is black friends, you need a bigger circle, okay?

We all need to be challenged to be thinking outside of our boxes because at the end of the day my world is small your world is small but our world combined is big and it's beautiful i love coming on this show and talking with you and talking with dave and talking with rachel and talking with ken and hearing different perspectives man because it just helps me as a man. And then I can pass this down to my kids and show them, hey, listen, we can do this thing together. And so that's just one thing that I really, really, really love about this Black History panel was to just really dive in and have a conversation. And Dave said this on Monday when he and I did the show yeah um you know some people may not like it you may not agree with everything that they're saying but everyone has the right to

their feelings everyone has a right to their perspective and I think it's always fair to just understand how people feel you don't have to agree right with them but it's important for me to know John how do you feel about this yeah and then when i hear your feelings i'm just taking it as that that's how he feels yep then later on down the road we can come back and have a conversation about okay hey let's talk about truth and facts exactly yeah but we can no one has ever we say this all the time no one has ever changed their mindset because they lost an argument right yeah no, if you go into a conversation expecting to agree or to argue, you've already failed from the very beginning. Well, that's because you've made the conversation about,

you've made it a competition. Yes. You've provided rules of engagement instead of, hey, man, pass the rolls, have a seat. Exactly. You want sweet or unsweet tea, I'm glad you're here. Yeah, yeah. And now you can accomplish a lot.

You've got to. I love it, man. Well, I'm glad you're here. Now you can accomplish a lot. You've got to. I love it, man. I appreciate you having the conversations. I appreciate you putting the message out there. I'm going to repeat what Anthony just said. If you are not challenged on a regular basis, not in a where you'll only watch this news channel and so you flip it to the other one

just because you want to get your blood pressure up. Not like that. That's nonsense. Right. If you don't have people in your life that you love, that your kids play with their kids, that you share food with, that you laugh and share conversations with,

that also challenge you, that also say, why do you think like that? That doesn't make sense to me at all. I think it's like this. If you don't have those people in your life, seek and find them. Cultivate those friendships.

Some of the best conversations that have transformed my life when I really sit back and think about it are those from people who do not think like me. Of course. One of the best conversations I had was with a Muslim, and I totally disagree with their faith. But the conversation, I was like, yo, I never thought about it like that. And I was able to take some of their small nuggets and apply it in my life, and it just was beneficial. When I first got here, I won't say what it was, but me and Dave had a heart-to-heart conversation about something. And I was like, yo, Dave, I never thought about that. I took some time off of work.

I went home, prayed, thought, processed the conversation, came back and said, Dave, you're right. I'm sorry. And that's because me and Dave didn't see eye to eye on something, but he helped me to see something clearly because I walked in there with the open mind. That's right. And I think that's so important for everybody, wherever you are. If you want to grow, you have to have an open mind, which you're the king of that man with your show. I've been listening to your show. I'm like, yo, bro, how did you get that? Like, how did you, what? Like, John, how? But it's like, you listen

and you listen. Okay. How is he feeling? How is he processing things? What perspective is she coming through on the Dr the dr john deloney show and i'm like you're great at it because i don't like no no but john you're like okay so how do you feel about that so a goal of mine is that the the amazon the amazon marketplace algorithm that follows me yeah you can't figure it out right Right? That's the goal. I'm ordering this book and that book and buying that CD and listening to this music because I never want to feel like I've arrived. If I'm going to continue to read, continue to grow, I always want to be having conversations. Here's the other thing.

I just love people, man. That's good. And there's just a few things. And when I get to a man, people know there's a few things that I will not move on. I will not budge on. These are core Deloney values. Outside of that, man, we're going to figure it out. I'm confident we can figure it out.

Right? Yeah, bro. I mean, and I don't want to take too much time on this, but I think it's important. I think people need to hear it in this segment, man. John, let's say I called into your show. We're on the Dave Ramsey show right now, but let's flip it to the Dr. John Delaney show for the next two minutes.

I called into your show, Dr. John Delaney. I have some friends, some people that I like, but I don't agree with half of their stuff. Every time we get into the room, we're arguing. What should I do to go into this relationship and we're not arguing because we disagree? What are some key things

I should be doing? One, I think you approach those, you approach people in your life with dignity and respect first, not ideation first. Ooh, that's good. Does that make sense? Yeah, y'all need to write that down.

And so I'm going to sit down at a table with folks with one chief objective, to let you know you are seen and you have value as a person thank you right yeah that's number one good number two when i do that we have anchored in to a common place of of respect and dignity then i can tell you that's the stupidest thing i ever heard in my life right and you can hear it because you know know, I don't hate you. I think that's a dumb idea. Yes.

And now we can have some fun, man. Now we can get into some good tussling. I used to do MMA. I love sparring hard. Yes. And then I loved the high five at the end when I know we both gave it our all, but we both went into that engagement knowing, all right, I respect this dude. Now we're going to let it fly.

There we go. And when it's over, it's over. It's over. And then we're going to let it fly. There we go. When it's over, it's over. It's over. Then we're going to go get dinner. Man. America, find people that you disagree with, love them, and then get after it. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Over the years, I've heard countless horror stories from listeners about being harassed by debt collectors, receiving calls at work on their cell phones, and some even getting yelled at and threatened.

That is not okay. There are laws against this, and there are people, attorneys, that can help make this stop if they are in fact breaking the law. Go to collectionbully.com to learn more. Fill out a quick questionnaire that will identify if you are a victim of this type of illegal harassment. That's collectionaramsey.com 888-825-5225 This is the Dave Ramsey Show, and we are taking your calls on life and money. I'm John Deloney, my good friend Anthony O'Neill. Let's go to Jenny in Charlotte, North Carolina. Jenny, what's going on?

How can we help? Hey, gentlemen. I'm big fans of you both. And Anthony, your interview with Matthew McConaughey, whoo, that was awesome. I loved it. Oh, man, thank you so much. Yeah, hey, I have a question for you guys.

Not technically money related, but I think you guys can help. So I'm from a divorced family. My parents got divorced when I was six. My dad was a wealthy businessman. My mom was pretty absent, so we were raised by another family. So needless to say, my relationship with my mother is not really close. I'm 35 and have two little girls now. And I think just disappointed in myself this last year, you know, not sticking to things, not having self-discipline. So after the first of the year, I decided to join this free program called 75 Hard. I don't know

if you've heard of it. Yeah, I've heard of it. It's awesome. Life-changing so far. And for 75 days, you have to do five things per day. One of the things is you have to pick a diet and stick to it and no cheat meals and no alcohol for 75 days yeah and so one of the i picked a low carb diet and also i decided to fast a couple days a week well the second i put that on my instagram stories my mother so i said i'm not very close with just mailed me via text not actually in a conversation she lives in ohio and i'm in north carolina and saying this is ridiculous. You're being crazy.

You're so unhealthy. I'm not coming to visit you or my grandkids until you're off this program. Just really laying into me day after day for about four days. And I was just trying to send her the science, send her some, you know, good articles, good YouTube videos regarding fasting. And she's kind of just trying to, you know, control me in a way. But I finally, I didn't say anything rude, but I finally just said, Mom, your concern is duly noted. She hasn't talked to me since, and that's been about two weeks.

And I don't want to avoid her, but I feel like she's just not mature as a grandmother, as a parent. I just don't know where to go from here. We've had issues in the past where I've felt like I've been the parent, and she's just pretty immature. What would you guys say that I should do regarding this issue? She doesn't get a vote, man. If you choose to do somersaults for 75 days in a row, she doesn't get a vote. If you choose to be vegan or keto or whatever you want a row, she doesn't get a vote. If you choose to be vegan or keto or

whatever you want to do, she didn't get a vote. And if the, if your relationship with your mom is contingent on her agreeing with everything that you are doing to the point that she is going to weaponize herself, her presence, she's not going to be in relationship with you until you're done with this diet and this reset and this practice of self-discipline so that you can become a better mom and friend and wife and all those things. If she weaponizes herself in that way, then she is giving you some very loud and clear signals about the status of your relationship, which means you have to do the hard work of not pursuing her approval and everything, not pursuing,

not catering to that sort of weaponization of a relationship. And you did it right. Duly noted. Thanks for it. If that's the case, I'll see you in 76 days and I'm moving on with my life. And listen, what I just said is a lot easier to

do intellectually than it is emotionally. I will tell you this, nobody in an emotional state gets cured of that emotional state with data. They get healthy through relationships. So when somebody reaches out to you and says, you're insane, you're crazy, how dare you exercise every day and change your diet and stop drinking alcohol and do intermittent fasting, and your response is science, then you've just declared – you've responded to their declaration of war with guns and machine gun fire.

When somebody responds to you in that way, you say, hey, thank you so much. I appreciate your note. And that's all i'm going to respond hopeful just it's hard it's i hear the silence right tell me tell me what you're feeling when i tell you that yeah it's just like i said we've had issues in the past where i don't know if she's diagnosed uh undiagnosed bipolar hold on hold on jenny jenny jenny jenny I don't know if she's undiagnosed bipolar. Hold on, hold on, Jenny. Jenny, I don't care about any diagnosis. I don't care about any of that stuff. What my guess is

for years, she has weaponized her presence to get you to do things that she wanted you to do. Yeah. And what I want to tell you is don't let her... And her being a grandmother now and I have a two-year-old and a four-year-old,

it's just hurtful and also frustrating. It is. And she likes to make me feel like I'm crazy. That's right. And it's really frustrating. And gaslighting is the worst, and you've got to let that fantasy go. You had a picture of your mom as this uber-grandmother, more so that she was never this mom,

but you had a picture of her becoming this grandmother, and more so that your kids were going to get to experience this incredible grandmother relationship, and it was going to be warm and fuzzy. She was going to show up and buy him stuff and laugh. And the reality is that's not going to happen. And that hurts to process that and to grieve that. But when you process it, when you admit it, when you grieve it,

then you can start healing from it, and you admit it when you grieve it then you can start healing from it and you can unhitch yourself from it you can love your mom for who she is and then you can go be in relationship with folks who are going to be affirming who are going to laugh with you they're going to poke fun at your 75 hard but they're going to cheer you on too you know what i'm saying what do you think anthony no you're hitting it right on the head man i have nothing else to say you're hitting it dead on the head, man. I have nothing else to say. You're hitting it dead on the head. Yeah, and here's the thing, man. There is no – there is – there are few harder truths than finding out your parents aren't the people that we wanted them to be. It sucks.

And it's especially hard when you have kids, and they're not going to be the grandparents. Because your kids deserve great grandparents, right? Awesome grandparents, connected grandparents. Ones that aren't going to um suspend their love over you like that but it sinks me i'm sorry jenny but once you unhook from that man you can be free let's go to scott in charlotte in north carolina uh scott what's going on man oh i just went to scott in sacramento i'm so sorry there's a couple of scotts on the board we'll go to scott in sacramento and then i'll circle back to Scott in Charlotte. What's up, Scott?

Oh, man. Okay, so I think I just made my wife very happy because I just shaved my massive beard off, and I think she's quite pleased now. So I took one for the team. Hey, for a guy that has been trying to – I have not shaved in 11 years, and if you're watching YouTube, you can see I've got no – I can't grow a beard. Anthony can. So good for you,

man. So what's up? Okay. So we are, my wife wants to start a small business selling jewelry and other kinds of decor items. And we are, I think we just don't know what we don't know about starting the business and taxes. So my question is, one, what do I need to figure out? What do we need to figure out for taxes so that we don't make a mistake? And two, how do we know when to put money into the business and when you take it out to pay yourself and that kind of thing? Well, here's the thing. When it comes to the taxes, you have to sit down with a professional accountant that can really nail down exactly what you need to be doing as far as the income that you have coming in. And so it would really be hard for us to give you the specifics because when you ask this kind of question, I want to make sure that we're not just answering it in a general way. We're setting you up with a pro that can honestly sit down and tell you what to be doing as far as in which you're taxing. So I would definitely go to DaveRamsey.com, look for an accountant that we endorse,

and sit down with them and get that information. Then number two was, you said, how much money should we be investing back into the company? Was that your second question? Yeah, well, my understanding is that I should set up a separate account, a separate checking account for the business. Absolutely. And then I know that I want to use money. We want to use money to buy more materials and that kind of thing.

I just don't know how much to put in and how much to say this is our profit. We're going to put it into our personal checking account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, I think what you got to do is figure out how much are you paying yourself? All right. What are you paying yourself for salary? So there's going to be like three questions. Number one is what are you paying in the taxes? You know, some people will say you need to take 30% off top when you get, when you get the check in. And then number two is what are you paying yourself as far as the salary? And then that would determine what money do you have going back into the company to purchase materials and stuff like that? So the very first thing is to identify how much money do you have coming in? Sit down with an account rep or with an account executive that can sit down and tell you, hey, here's how much taxes you need to be setting aside.

Then also decide, OK, great. Here's my salary. And then, boom, here's the rest that we have going back into the company. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney with Anthony O'Neill. We're taking your calls on life and money at 888-825-5225. Blinds.com. Find out yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more.

Use promo code RAMSY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Christy in Georgia and Anthony. I pre-read this one. I already know, man. Christy writes, my husband and I got married last Friday. We decided on separate bank accounts. He and I have both been married before, and he was burned pretty bad by his ex.

I make $50,000 per year. I have no idea what he makes, but we split household bills down the middle. We both believe in your program and are dedicated to being financially free, but I'm just not sure if we're going about this the right way. Would you help me understand if this is indeed 50-50? I'll pay paroxys or you to see who goes first, Anthony. Hey, I already talked about being empathetic, so why don't you go, Anthony? Straightforward answer, no.

You're not going about this the right way. A couple should not have two separate bank accounts a couple should not know well should not be in a position to where they do not know what the other person is making how is that you're married and you do not know how much money your husband makes but you just know that you all split half of the bills so i'm going to play devil's advocate oh no we ain't got time for devil's advocate. No, no, no, because I'm pretending I'm driving down the street. Somebody just responded, uh-uh, I got burned, and I'm not doing that again.

Okay, you got burned. He'll move on. If you want to do it the right way, you got to do it the right way. Okay? Well, how can two become one in a marriage when everything is still two? You didn't become one. Y'all just roommates.

OK, studies are showing that when you come together and you genuinely come in together and say, you know, we're going to do this together, have a clear conversation. Hey, I was burned. I was I was I had some issues. Cool. You should have talked about in beginning of marriage. Y'all maybe should have did a prenup. OK, I mean, there's so many different things that you can do, but you cannot be married and not know what your husband is making and not know what your wife is making. Not really have a joint conversation every month saying, hey, here's how much money we have. Here's how we're going to build wealth.

Here's how we're going to live a legacy. What you're going to say? Hey, make sure you put 50 percent set aside set aside for school no you're a married couple and you're over here saying you do this i do this no it's we do this when two or three gather it didn't say when one when two or three come in and miss there's power when there is unity there's no power when it's separate there's power when there's unity. So, no, you're doing it the wrong way. Now, you can be soft and say your stuff, bro.

I was coming back harder, but I won't even do that. I'm 1,000%. Here's the thing. If you were hurt before in a previous relationship and you are hurt in a way that hurt is ongoing, don't get married. You have no business getting married to somebody else if you are not fully all in on this new marriage. Right? So I know you got burned pretty bad.

And I'm sorry that you got burned pretty bad. I hate that for you. Yeah. Then don't get married. Right. Because the solution is not to hitch yourself to somebody, sort of. Right? It's not to anchor.

You don't want to. You do a bungee jump, right? And, man, you got scared on that bungee jump. You got hurt on that bungee jump. They didn't wrap it on right or whatever. If you decide to get back up there and jump again, you can't have a secret little leash where you tie yourself to the bridge because you're going to break your back.

Right. If you're going to get back up there and jump, you've got to get back up there and jump. Christy, you all both need to sit down ASAP, put all your cards on the table. Here's how much money we have. Here's how much money I make. We're going to get one checking account.

We're going to work on this together. We're going to heal together. He needs to be honest about how much he's hurt, and then you all got to work. You all got to come together on this together. We're going to heal together. He needs to be honest about how much he's hurt and then y'all got to work. Y'all got to come together on this deal. Look at you and me agreeing, Anthony. It's a new day in America. Alright, let's go to Scott in Charlotte, North Carolina. The right

Scott. What's going on, brother? How can we help? Not much. How are you gentlemen doing today? Outstanding, man. So what's up? Glad to hear it. well so um you got your pens ready always for you always okay good deal good deal so started a business about two years ago um ended up selling it about a month ago and that company that bought my company actually gave me a job so i'm working for them now. Household income is about 80 right now, should be moving up to 110 next year.

No car payments, no credit cards. We have $58,000 on our house. We have a student loan of $61,000, and I have $70,000 from the sale of the company. And working the baby steps would i not pay the house say it again you got fifty eight thousand dollars in what scott mortgage mortgage thousand in mortgage yeah and i have uh seventy thousand cash that's including emergency fund cash and how many student loans one and it's 61 geez yeah wow okay what's the business scott um i own a tree service i've cut trees for a long time doing it part-time and anybody calls me i would say do your business

part-time before you jump in full-time there you go go. You know, a word to the wise, and don't take anything out you don't have to until you're making money. I love it. So we just dumped everything back into it, and two years later, got an offer on it, and they paid me well for it. Very cool.

So how can we help, man? What's your question? My question is, if I work the debt snowball, my house is actually less than student loans. Absolutely. So I could write a check today and pay my house off, but I'm still left with 61,000 student loans. Right. Yeah. So baby step two is pay off all of your debt, excluding your mortgage.

That's the house. Yes. Excluding your mortgage because your house is actually generating money for you. So we don't mind that sitting there for a little while longer while you eliminate these student loans. Now, I'm pretty sure these are all federal. Are any of these private? No, they're all federal.

All right. So right now you want to attack these student loans because you're not accumulating any interest right now because the government has pushed that off for a little bit of time. So your best bet is to go ahead and get rid of this $61K. If you have $70,000 cash, I'm hanging up the phone from us within the next 30 seconds, and I'm cutting a check for $61K to pay off this, then now you are extremely debt-free. You still have $9,000 in an emergency fund.

You're making $80,000 a year right now. And then, boom, I'm going to get back and build up of three months, three to six months in my emergency fund. I'm going to start investing, and then I'm going to attack that mortgage. Okay? Okay. Can I ask you one more thing? Sure thing.

Okay. Appreciate it. I'm 37. My wife is 33. Okay. Both in good, solid careers. And we have 80K and 401K. No, don't touch it.

I know we need to stop investing, but do you think we are on track to get to the point where we will have so so let me let me tell you this are you behind right now yes okay i'm 36 years old and i have more money in my account with that but just because you actually you and i are behind i'm gonna be real with you i'm gonna be real today ram the show i didn't start investing until i got out of debt okay but here's the thing one of our good friends chris hogan says age is not a a a number it's a it's like it's a well no he says it's not an age it's a number yeah retirement is not an age it's a financial number so for you is once you get 100 debt free what i want you to do is go to chrishogan360.com and then just start just getting all his content because once you become debt free

in your 30s you are ahead of the game. And then now you're going to start investing 15%. You and I both are not just going to catch up. We're going to surpass our age bracket when we get into the 50s. So trust me. Get this $61K paid off. You got $70K cash. Pay that student loans off.

Get your three to six months back up and running. Then you need to go over there and rock with Chris Hogan so you can learn how to get this 15% invested ASAP. Okay? Max out your 401Ks. Max out your Roth IRAs. And I guarantee you, you'll be an everyday millionaire within the next 10 to 15 years. It's been a great hour. I want him to pay off his debts and then call us back in another hour and do the debt-free screen.

That's how awesome today is going to be. We've got an hour in the books. We've got more to come. Stay with us. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes

or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening.