The Ramsey Show - App - My Mother-In-Law Is Crossing a BIG Boundary (Hour 1)

Episode Date: October 28, 2021

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Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your money, your life, your relationships, your mental health. We talk about everything on this show. I'm John Deloney, joined here by Ramsey Personality, George Campbell, and we are taking your calls on everything. Give us a shout at 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. George, how are we doing, brother?

So good. This is my third show this week, and we're just getting started. It's our second time co-hosting this week. You realize that? It's like Groundhog Day. Or it's just the state of America. And if you're listening right now, you're going, this is a double blessing. George and John twice in a week. Is that what they're saying?

That's what they call it. Nope. They're trying to reach over for the scan button to see if anybody else is. They haven't listened long enough to even hear this at that point. That's exactly right. It's fine. But we're here for you. We would love to answer your questions.

And if you're a millennial or Gen Z and you forgot that there's a phone app on your phone, this is crazy. If you tap that and you dial 888-825-5225, you'll be patched through to Jenna, who would be happy to put you through to us. And Jenna's a human. She's a real person. Yep, not an app. If they could figure out a way to automate that, they probably would.

Kelly would be like, I'm out of here. Retirement. Let's do this. Yeah, probably not. I think Kelly would destroy the internets. Fair. The robots or whatever. Fair point.

What have you been up to, John? You've been traveling a whole bunch. Yeah, we've been on the road. You were hanging out with the Minimalists not long ago. Talking to businesses. Yeah, we're all over the road. You were hanging out with the Minimalists not long ago. Talking to businesses and yeah, we're all over the place, man. Talking about mental health

and relationships. And you've been heads down. I can, I'm going to tease this. You've been working really hard on a new book. Yeah. It comes out in,

looks like in April and it is, I'm excited for it. Me too. The challenge is going to be trying to convince people that there's mental health and relationship challenges going on in the world right now. I don't think they need convincing, John.

They do not, I assure you. No, it's cool, man. If you could ever have a book coming out on a subject in the world through you, just an underhand softball pitch, man. Can you give us any level of tease? Because I know you have been very intentional about this book, making sure that it does connect, making sure that you say what you want to say. And this is a tough process, writing a book. Yeah. At the end of the day, Dave tells a story about he was coming out of one of his earliest, earliest financial peace courses, right? He was walking out of a building one evening and he had his book and a woman thumbed through it.

And she looked at him and said, finally, a finance book that I can actually understand. And he said, that was the moment that I realized that people with all the letters after their names, they talk over people, they talk at people. And this woman was so grateful just to have a book she could understand. And she had just heard a conversation that she could understand. Not in a demeaning way, but in a, everyone tries to over-intellectualize everything. And so the guiding principle of this book was, I think what we know about mental health is nonsense. I think that the world has set us up to fail and blamed us for it. And so this is finally a mental health and relationship book that people can understand that actually will say, here's the

challenge, not this and not this and not this. And so I'm tired of seeing people all over the country. Like, see, I've been on the road. I'm meeting with people, big groups, little groups, groups of businesses, individuals. I'm tired of people saying I'm broken. Something's wrong with me and getting plugged back into the matrix here. And it's just it's time that we stop. And it's the same day we went after debt 30 years ago. And here we are.

And I'm going after that. That's going to be so good. I'm real excited. It's time to change the tune. Well, I appreciate that. And I can read it. It's on my level. The font will be big. Okay. Thank you. Size one. It's time to change the tune. Well, I appreciate that, man. And I can read it. It's on my level. The font will be big for you. Okay, thank you.

Size 16. It'll be in 16-point font. Well, you have an interesting story, John, because this is rooted out of your own personal experience. On top of your education background, you've got two PhDs, you have many, many years, decades in this world, counseling people, trying to help in crisis situations, in people's darkest moments.

You're the guy who runs in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, well, and there's a lot of inside baseball, right? And counseling and therapy and psychology has become this mystical world and psychiatry and all the medicines and all the different types of counseling and thoughts and I I'm broken, and I've got this diagnosis, and so I can only do this, and I can never do that. Nonsense. And so it's time to just turn the lights on, stop the music, and say, what are we doing?

And we've got to acknowledge, man, the world's shifted underneath us real, real fast. Stuff that was nuts 50 years ago. Like, you'd never borrow money unless it was the last possible option. And you knew you were chaining yourself to something. Now we do not talk class. I'm going to buy a t-shirt on payments, brother. It's cool, man. Right. And so the same with mental health. And here's a fun story. A few years ago, I was a part of a brain study we did out of some fancy university where they were giving us all this stuff and all these tests and they took us in a back room and they're like all right so we've computed this and done all this and here's the findings right the seven

magical things for brain health and i walked out of there holding this piece of paper and i remember going my grandmother specifically told me six of these when i was a small small child and she didn't go to college and she how have we spent a trillion billion gajillion dollars to loop back around to stuff that my grandmother told me and so the lives that we're leading are nuts they're out of control the businesses that we're trying to run the the homes that we're trying to run the our that we're trying to run our marriages our parenting it's bonkers and somebody's got to say stop stop and there's another way to do this man and really it's rooted in this idea dude i'm worth more than that you're worth more than that my wife

is worth more than that my kids are worth more than that and i'm taking these calls on my show every single day people people just melting. And they're doing the best they can with the tools they got. They're leading the best they can. They're trying to love their husbands the best they can. They're trying to parent the best they can. And the only tools we have right now is go faster and go harder and do it more. And it's not working, man. So you tell people, slow down and take control of what you can take control of.

And you talk about this a lot. Two things you can take control of, your thoughts and your actions. Not that you can. That's all you can. That's all. That's it. That's the game. That's the game.

And it's disorienting because we want to flex and scream and yell and grab control of so much more. And, I mean, you can do that for a while. It's so much easier to focus on what's out of control, though, John. That's what makes headlines exciting. Well, it makes me buy stuff, right? When I think, oh, I could just get the right candle with the right scent and the right this and the right bathtub and the right

shiplap and the right whatever, that's going to solve my, you know what I mean? Or if I just get another girlfriend or another drink or the right workout program, then finally, finally I'm going to be all right. And the deal is, that's nonsense, man.

It's just nonsense. So it's just a reorientation. And I'm looking forward to getting it out there. But boy, I tell you what, you know what really sucks? Editing. Oh, man. It's the worst.

I have a lot of respect and love for editors out there. It's not a job most normal people should want. So I'm grateful for the ones that are out there doing it. Well, John, I want people to take control of a lot of areas of their life. I know you do too.

So if you've got a question, give us a call. 888-825-5225. Maybe you need some affirmation. Maybe you just go, I think I know what I need to do. I just needed someone to tell me yes. That's exactly right. Give us a call. 888-825-5225. Yep, we're trying to jinx that with you. That would have been fun.

We should try it together sometime. Tag team back again. But no, we're not doing that, James. Let's try it. James is egging it on. I refuse to be a part of this nonsense. Fine. But relationships, work, money, your home, parenting, give us a shout.

888-825-5225. See how I snuck that in there? We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. You've got a lot on your plate. A job, your home, your marriage, and your growing family. While you're enjoying the present, you can't help but think about your future and your finances. As you explore your options, consider Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, for your health care. Their generous maternity program and budget-friendly monthly programs have been a blessing to members welcoming children into their families. Visit chministries.org slash budget to see if it's right for you. Christian Healthcare Ministries is a Ramsey-trusted provider.

This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by George Campbell. We are taking your calls on life and money and relationships and parenting. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Ethan in Detroit, Michigan. What's up, brother? Ethan, how are we doing? Doing well.

How are you all doing? Outstanding. What's up? How can we help? So my wife and I have been talking. I really have a desire to build a house on some property. And my only issue is what would be the down payment because most of what I've researched for a construction loan,

you need about 20% down. It's all tied up in my current house's equity. My current house is around, I value probably around 250. On a great day, I go to 300. And I owe currently about $110,000 on it. Okay. So you got about $140,000 plus in equity. Yeah.

So I'm curious in terms of getting to where I can build a new house, what would be the wiser decision, whether to sell this house and rent closer to where we want to build, and that way I can kind of manage it and I have that to put down, or is there some other way I can leverage the equity in my current house without selling it until the next house is ready? The word leverage just, it puts, I don't don't like the hair on my arm it just sticks hemorrhoids hey so you you have a you have a plan why don't you trust yourself with that plan i like

that plan so the tough part with that one is looking at rent and everything i'd be looking to go from my like 500 a month mortgage 15 to 2,000 a month rent. And so I'm just, if it's actually going towards a construction rate, to put that from month to month, I'd feel better with that. But to go for a year or two, it hurts. With the construction loan, when do you actually need to have that money? When do you need to give them that money? I haven't talked to a specific banker yet, so most of this has been online research,

but my understanding with the construction loan was up front, you would need that 20% down. Okay. That's my question, is if that's the case or if it's later on down the road to where you could sell and make it kind of a clean exchange when you move out of that house. Have you already bought this land, Ethan? No, I haven't. So I'd be in that with it. This feels to me, and George Hoppen here, this feels to me like a dream that's still a few years away, that you've looked at the equity and your house is doing pretty well because the

market's lost its freaking mind and you've got this dream of wanting to buy land and build your dream house or build a house on land and there's a gap there i have no problem man it's it's what me and my wife did if you sell this house you rent for a while until you can land where you want to land and i get the gap um i think what you're trying to have is it have it all which is you don't have 20 down to go ahead and start this process without selling this house and you can't sell this house if you're not renting and you can't rent if it's not so you're gonna have to give on something if you want to make this move right now. I'd love to see you save up like crazy with a $500 mortgage over the next year or two and then sell your house. You risk not having as much equity in it.

And you also, with that same risk, you risk that the land you're going to buy is going to be cheaper too. And so it's six one way, if it doesn't another, man. But it sounds like you're just a few years off or you're trying to cram a future dream into a right now moment but man if you can pull the trigger and rent for a few years um and get

this thing done i i george my experience with people way underestimate how long getting on land getting the land perked and getting the permits and getting the the that's what worries me sewer connected and it turns into a year or two yeah Not three years, but a year or two. Yeah, it takes a while. And do you know how much the land plus construction loan would cost right now? I'm estimating probably around $500,000. So my wife and I make $200,000. $150,000 if she ends up staying home for the next couple of years.

I just had a daughter recently. My tough part is I bought a bankruptcy sale house that's 125 years old. I fixed up pretty much there. And to be honest, I'm just tired of it. There you go. Tired of looking at it. You're ready for something else. Yeah, thank you for telling us that part. Yeah, you're ready to get out.

Well, you've got an incredible income. And so if you guys can live and you've got a $500 mortgage, which tells me there's got to be tons of margin in your budget, right? Mm-hmm. Do you guys have any other debt? Yep. We have one auto debt, which we have the money in the bank. I just have to figure out the tax situation for the end of the year to make sure I don't overdo it. I had to change jobs this year. And so with that, I had to buy

two vehicles and I was stupid on it. So I took it. But let's clean up all this debt. We have the money in the bank. We have the money in the bank. It's just, I want to make sure I'm covered on taxes. Well, you can connect with a tax pro in your area. We've got those all over the country in Detroit. You can go to RamseySolutions.com. But I don't want you to be paralyzed by indecision here going, well, I've got to figure out the tax. I've got to figure out this. You make $200 grand a year, man. Put this thing to work.

Pay off all this consumer debt. Start stacking up like crazy. And you could have this down payment for this land and construction loan within a year on your income. And to piggyback off that, Ethan, I want you to sit down with an actual contractor who could build this house. Start getting some real numbers. Right now, you are on the internet. You're estimating here. You're estimating there.

Sit with a real endorsed local provider, a real Ramsey trusted real estate pro that's going to sit down and say, here's what I can sell your house for right now. And then you can have some very real numbers to begin to create very real decisions and a very real timeline. Right now, it's just so amorphous. It's just spinning. Are you and your wife going to have two incomes or one? And what's the extra margin in our budget? Well, we got this one loan. I don't know about taxes.

You need some clear answers and some very clear specifics. Lucky for you, and this sounds like it's a pitch, but it's not, but it kind of is. You can do all that at ramseysolutions.com. You can get tax info that you need. You can get a real estate person that you need. You can't get a construction guy there, but you can go find someone in your area that can help you with, what is this thing going to actually cost? Then you can make a game plan it feels like you're close but not quite there but man i also get i'm so sick of looking at this house i gotta get out of this house man yeah it's good ellen in chicago ellen what's up hey john how you doing hey how's it going well um i'm uh calling because my mom actually has dementia. She got really sick with sepsis because she had a fall.

It was not found for about 12 hours. It had started her memory loss. I'm so sorry. So what I'm calling is that I'm big on family and I'm actually struggling with my mother-in-law. When she came up, I had her stay at my mom's, you know, because she was in assisted living at the time. Sure. And she had started asking for belongings of my mom.

And I just honestly wasn't right for that. Yep. So things had somewhat escalated just with her asking for things. And the pain is still there. Yeah. And my husband wants, you know, they want to get together for Christmas. And honestly, I don't want to, but I also don't want our kids to be affected by it. But, you know, I want them to see, you know, have family time. But I'm really hurt by this.

Yeah, I can hear that hurt in your heart and in your voice. So you've got a family picture of what the holidays are, quote-unquote, supposed to look like. You have the grief that you're dealing with and the everyday reality of dealing with your mom and her challenges. And then you've got a mother-in-law right in the middle of this. And you and mother-in-law got sideways because mother-in-law was being inconsiderate and pretty disrespectful and now we're trying to figure out how to make all of this work let's do this hang on the line here we're going to hold you over to a break and we can dig into this a little bit deeper thank you so much for being brave and for letting us know what's going on and for sharing with us man there's a lot on, especially as we head into the holidays, George.

It gets tough, tough, tough. I'm so grateful Ellen called. Hey, we'll be right back right here on The Ramsey Show. Thank you. this is the Ramsey show I'm John Deloney joined by George Camel taking your calls on life and relationships and money how to get out of debt how to fix your marriage

888-825-5225 we are talking to Ellen in Chicago. And before the break, Ellen, I'm going to recap this. Let me know if I'm right or not. Your mother has been struggling with her health and recently was diagnosed with dementia, and she is currently staying with you guys. Is that correct?

She's actually staying with my sister. Staying with your sister, okay. And your mother-in-law moved in, and she was... She came up for a visit. Oh, came up for a visit, okay. And for the convenience of not spending for a hotel, we just had her stay at my mom's condo. Oh, okay.

And she was in a recovery center from her... From her fall. Gotcha, okay. Yeah, because she had developed sepsis. Yep. Okay, so your mother-in-law began asking, hey, she's not going to use this stuff. Could I have some of your mom's stuff?

Yes. In a really insensitive way, in a really insensitive way, in a really insensitive time, that hurt you, and have you not spoken to your mother-in-law since? Y'all have just stayed apart from one another? Yeah, I've been very short with her on the phone. Okay.

Very short. Tell me about how this hurt you. This has affected you in a way beyond just a, well, you're an idiot. This has hurt you. Tell me about that. Because my mom's not dead. Yeah. And just what

she was asking for were things that were very important to my mom. Does she know that she hurt you? My mother? Your mother-in-law. Yeah, I think so, because for a while,

my husband and I had gone outside to talk, and I just cried. Yeah. A lot. And when I came back in, she said, you know, if you want me to, I'll leave early. And of course, she said from the kids, I said, no.

I mean, you know, they want to see you. How much of this hurt is related to the insensitivity of your mother-in-law? And how much of this hurt is just the weight that your mom's hurting and she is coming up on the end stages of a remarkable life? Well, just to kind of keep things a little short, I had mentioned, okay, I had mentioned to the lady who took the call that we had argued over something, and she had actually sent me to a box of, of the item that really, it's not going to make sense. I'm just trying not to gross out anybody, but, um,

I just, she had done something I felt for spite. Um, but how much is the pain versus, um, well, ironically, my mother-in-law, umlaw lost her mom to Alzheimer's as well. Yeah. So I – Sounds like – I get that – It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot.

That's exactly right. So here's the – let me kind of whittle it down. You get to decide in partnership with your husband what the holidays look like. And if you are in a place in your heart and your mind where your mother-in-law hurt you so deeply you don't want her around, then you get to choose that. All of us get to choose that. And that choice, that boundary comes with consequences. It comes with kids that don't get to hang out with their grandmother and it may be worth it. Or it may be kids, I'm not going to be a part of it this year. Me and your father are going to go do something else. So be it. All boundaries are never clean. There's always some mess to them. And people run up against those boundaries to see if they hold. What I would love to see you do, if at all possible, is to sit down with your mother-in-law and say, this request hurt me. And maybe you didn't mean to, but I want you to know that it did.

And I'm not ready to start giving away my mom's things. She's still alive. And from this point forward, I don't want to talk about my mom's things, she's still alive. And from this point forward, I don't want to talk about my mom's stuff. When that day comes, then that day will come, but we're not there yet. And that's you taking ownership of the situation and getting in front of it, getting on top of it and not letting it continue to drown you. Does that make sense, George? Yeah. So take ownership of that phone call. That phone call may be hard or you can meet in person.

Maybe you even have to write out what you're going to say. I've done that several times where I know I'm going to be emotional about a conversation and I write down what I want to say. That way I don't get my words, don't get all jumbled up. I don't lose perspective. And I say what I need to say in a respectful way, in a dignified way. And then let her respond. And my guess is she didn't try to hurt you. My guess is that she probably was being insensitive, but she had no idea she was going to cause this kind of pain, right?

Yeah. And holidays are messy. Let's all remember when it comes to holidays, man, we get to make a choice, right? We've talked about this, John, on the Entree Leadership Podcast, coming up on a fine print episode on the holidays and spending. Families, boundaries, there can be so much that bubbles up, especially around this time, which this just happened to be some poor timing here as we head into the holidays.

But bitterness, resentment, but you get to choose your response to it. And Ellen, my guess is this may be the first Thanksgiving Christmas without mom. This may be the first Thanksgiving and Christmas where the reality of dementia and Alzheimer's is setting in on the family. It's so hard. It's so hard. And then it's easy to cast some of that pain

and some of that resentment onto somebody who says the wrong thing at the wrong time. So again, do your best to unbraid what's hurt, what's real, it's all real, but where does the hurt lie? Then be direct about addressing who hurt you, and then let's all move on. Let's heal, or let's make a boundary, and let's move on from there. I want you to take ownership of this, Ellen, of all the different facets of this thing.

I know you can do it. I know you're hurting, but I know you can do it. Let's go to Stacy in Atlanta. Hey, Stacy, what's going on? Hi. I have a daughter who is a junior in high school, and we've been looking at colleges, and that means we're going to be filling out the FAFSA. And as I was researching all of that, she was gifted some stock by my father, her grandfather, back when she was a baby,

and then those dividends were reinvested over time. And so she's looking with a small amount of money, I mean, like maybe $12,000 that she can use for college or however she wants to use it because it's just stock. But my question is, to put her in the best position financially, like for taxes and for getting financial aid, should I plan for her to cash in that stock and pay it, you know, use it in the first year? Do we do it over several years or do we go ahead and put it into a 529 or some other kind of education plan just to put her in the best position to get financial aid when that time comes, I guess, next year or the year after. So she's about two years away from going to college? Yes, and she'll be entering the fall of 2023. Okay.

Good for you for planning ahead. That's awesome. So is she going to be able to go through college debt-free regardless of this stock, or is this stock kind of hinging on, hey, are we going to be able to pay for college? So as I'm looking at the colleges that she is interested in, um, they are around $20,000 a year. And, um, so no, she doesn't have, like, it'll be scholarships, grants, and then this. And we're hoping that we're going to get some scholarships. Okay. I want her to choose the school based on what you guys can afford, come up with a plan together. And scholarships and grants can be a part of that. But if that falls through, we still got to have a plan B. So if I'm you guys, I'm going to cash out the stock. And what I'm going to do with it, like you said, put it into an ESA, a 529, let that grow tax-free.

You're probably better off with a 529 if you've got a good plan in your state. You can look into that. You can connect with a SmartVestor Pro in your area at RamseySolutions.com. They can help you navigate this whole process, and that's going to let your money grow tax-free for two years, and she can use it on all those education expenses. So that will set her up nicely. I also want you to stay on the line. We're going to send you a copy of our friend Anthony O'Neill's book, Debt-Free Degree, and I want you all to read that together. And can we get her a code to the documentary? Do those exist? Stand in line. We're going to get you a code so that you don't have to pay for it. You can watch our new Borrowed

Future. I want you all to sit down as a family and watch this and let that impact you. What colleges you're all going to choose to to, and how you take out debt. 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show, taking calls on life and money and relationships. Let's go to Laura in Portland, Oregon. Hey, Laura, what's going on? Well, I was fired on Friday. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Actually, I'm looking forward to it being the best thing that ever happened to me. I love it. What happened? Well, there was a new manager that came in in January, and she cleaned house pretty much, put everyone that had been there before her on terrible know, on terrible, mindless, menial tasks, etc. And I was next. My head was on the chopping block on Friday.

So I am 57 years old. I have finally grown out my full gray, white hair. So I look like Santa Claus. And now I'm up for looking for another job. And my biggest concern is that I had a great professional career all, you know, after college, et cetera. And I had a horrible divorce that I went through. And long story short, my job history had some gaps in it. And this company I worked for for seven years. They're basically my only reference that I can use. And they fired me. So now I'm like, I've got

no confidence. My faith is a little bit shaky and I have outdated skills. So I've got the financial loss, the stress. I was trying to get debt-free, and yeah. So any advice would be helpful. Yeah, that's a lot. So do me a favor. Can you just inhale real deep and hold your breath for a second? Take a big, deep breath and just hold it. Three, two,

now let it out. Can we just all say, this sucks, I'm sorry. It does. It's a lot. My friend Keith Coleman, we were talking about some research

the other day that losing a job can be as devastating psychologically as losing a loved one. Yes. And you put on top of that, you're still wrestling with a divorce. How long ago was that? That was 2006. Okay, so that's still fresh in your soul there, though. Pretty much, yeah. It was 2013 I had a nervous breakdown, basically, and got back into life after that.

There you go. So, yeah. So, this is your first big stress test since the last nervous breakdown of the things you learned about yourself and some tools, right? And here we are. Good point, yes. You're driving down the highway and the car's starting to rattle on you a little bit and you remember this. Your body remembers this. So what were you doing? What was your job? I was working on a government contracting scanning

of Department of Human Services files, like child abuse cases, adoptions, etc. So I would prep all those files, removing staples, paperclips, etc. Sure. Put them into the scanner and then scan them, index it, export it, QC it, etc. So what is this nonsense about you have outdated skills? You can't call our show and not tell us the truth. You know what you're doing. You can't call our show and not tell us the truth. You know what you're doing. You can do cool stuff.

Well, I used to in my previous life, I was a trade show manager for a high-tech company and did trade shows all over the world basically. Hold on. Laura, you've told me two different things and I want to can I call you out a little bit

even though we're in front of a couple dozen million people? Yes. You've told me about your past job, about who you used to be, about your past marriage, who you used to be. Yes. And I wanted you to put

a period at the end of those sentences because we have to deal with today. And just because you used to run trade shows and then you went to preparing documents for child abuse cases and adoptions, there is no difference in importance. You may have made more

money than one and one may have been flashier. But both jobs are necessary. And the next job you get is going to be necessary and just because some guy walked out on you and said something else is better than laura who's my new friend by the way is reflective of his actions not yours. One of the demons, one of the hallmarks of depression is we keep trying to pull the past back into the present with us. And we,

we want to say, this is the way it's always been. This is the way it's always going to be. I'm going to do something else. I'm gonna get involved in another job, another relationship. And that's going to leave me too. And I want to shift that narrative and say,

man, we got a new manager, phooey. Next. Right? Yes. I'm freaking Laura with long, awesome gray hair, and I'm 57. I can do anything I want to.

So here's the question. Not how do I get back to what was, because that's gone. The question is what do I do next? So what do you do next? What do you want to do Laura? You're 57. You're almost halfway. I can see you living to be 115 so you're about halfway. What do you want to do? Well ideally I would like to find a job that pays my bill well enough that I can foster a puppy for a local organization that gives service dogs to our veterans with PTSD. I think you can make that happen.

So I can feed to support myself. So you just want to afford a puppy? Yeah, I want to foster a puppy for a veteran. But what do you want to do with like your work like your life um i would like to get back into high tech or work in a marketing department probably not as the lead marketing person that goes out to see customers but more behind the scenes with the marketing support um preferably for a high-tech company or a chemical engineering company. So do you know anybody who works in high-tech or in chem

that you could go sit down and have coffee with? I do know a couple people in high-tech. Good. Then today and tomorrow you are promising us, say I promise. I promise. That you're going to reach out to those people directly and say, hey, can we do coffee? And then you're going to say, management restructured, and here I am, and I want in y'all's building. How do I get in?

And I will make copies, I can prepare documents, or I can run the whole show like I've done. I can do it all. I don't know a lot about high tech. I'm 57. I've got gray hair. They can just get over it, because I'm coming full Laura. Exactly.

Okay? So here's what I want you to do. Two things. Two important things. Number one, I want you to, every time the past comes up, I want you to, every time the past comes up, I want you to take a deep breath and exhale and say, thank God it's today. And you're going to,

you may do that a thousand times in your first day and a thousand times in the second day, third day, fourth day. We're going to turn your dial, not from the past, but to today. And we're going to begin looking forward. The second thing is, George asked a great question. What do you want to do? You want to go work for a high-tech company? That's fantastic. I'm going to reach out

and start making some of those connections like our friend, the proximity person. I got to get in the door and I know some people in those areas. Real, real quick, because we're up against the clock. You got enough money to pay bills for a couple of weeks?

For a couple of months? Where are you about about a month and a half okay you may need you may need laura to run down and get a job at a coffee shop to pay bills and there is no shame in that game you may need to run down to a local um whatever and they are hiring like crazy and find a job that's going to pay you bills while you bridge the gap between where you are now and where you're going to end up. And you can get yourself that puppy. Stay on the line. We're going to give you a copy of our friend Ken Coleman's

brand new book, From Paycheck to Purpose, Walking the Seven Steps to Get the Career You Love. And by the way, it doesn't matter if you're 27 or 57, it's not too late. It's not too late. And hey, we'll go ahead and get you a copy of his assessment so you can walk through and say, once I get into this big tech, big chem, what do I actually want to do?

That would be fantastic, right? Man, George. That's big time. She's spirited. Laura's a stud. She's going to make it happen. Make it happen. That's one hour.

What did you say? I just want to make sure we get her that foster puppy, John. We'll get that foster puppy, just not a French bulldog. Hey, thanks to James and to Kelly for running the show today. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show,

make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.