The Ramsey Show - App - My Mother Was Driving in a Car Accident That Killed My Grandmother (Hour 3)

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality and best-selling author, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. You jump in and we'll talk.

David is with us in Shreveport to start off this hour. Hi, David, how are you? I'm fantastic. How are you, sir? Better than I deserve. What's up? I am a 1099 contractor and have been for close to five years, and I've been trying to increase my opportunities in the same company, and I applied for a position that's still a 1099, and then they sent me back a disclosure, a nonondisclosure agreement, as well as a statement in there that says that should anything ever go on, I would not be able to speak in any way negative about the company or anyone in the company forever. Not just like in a nondisclosure or a non-compete clause or anything like that, but forever. And so I kind of got some red flags on that one. Um, and I'm trying to figure

out if this is something that I should even try and consider to pursue, or if this is something that just sounds way too out there or too much to be asking if somebody to not, uh, be able to talk freely about something that would happen years down the road. Hmm. That's a fascinating question. Yeah. Well, I don't know why you would want the freedom to bash somebody. I was just thinking, yeah. I mean, you know, especially you've been there five years and you haven't seen anything that needs bashing because you're signing up for a longer trip, right? Yes, sir. So you don't have any indication that this is a bunch of crazy people or something.

And so, you know. If a legal matter ever came up, those are excluded out of these things. Not a legal matter, a criminal matter. Yeah. Yeah, a legal matter would not be excluded. But a criminal, if someone is involved in, you know, I don't know, some kind of drug use. Stealing money or something. Extortion.

Yeah. You know, criminal is separate from civil civil and NDA cannot cover criminal. John's right. So I don't know if I'm just trying to put my feet in your moccasins and walking through it for a minute. Here's the thing. I don't, I've got, I don't have a tendency to trash people that I've worked with. I guess I have, too. I've trashed a few.

Not employers, but vendors that misbehaved. I've done that. For instance, I think Marriott sucks, as an example. So, you know, what do you... It's not like I was planning it. I just didn't know what to do with it. It bothered you. I'm just trying... It's not that you're planning it, but I'm trying to think of what situation you would be in where you...

Here's the thing. I'll tell you what's running through my mind, but I'm trying to think of what situation you would be in where you – here's the thing. I'll tell you what's running through my mind, and I'm a little bit of a victim of this, to say the least. And that is that everybody in our culture today seems to think they're an activist. And it's like your job to straighten everybody else's life out on social media. And that's what they're trying to prevent and like you know your your job is to uh publicly reprimand your employer um which if you do that here i'll fire your butt because if you're going to pee in the cereal and right because it tastes bad um i'm gonna fire you okay i pay you money to feed your family and if you're gonna run me down

you know in on social media or your wife is i'm gonna fire your little stupid activist butt and you deserve to be fired and so that's what's running through my mind honestly and i'm trying to think of um and you should be fired i mean you're you're disloyal. You're a horrible employee, you know? And when you tear down the very place that's giving you money, that's ridiculous. And so you're not the kind of guy that's going to do that, but these are the kinds of things that are probably running through their mind. And they run through my mind, too, because I've had to do that.

And I'll look to future you you david and tell you in the past when i have talked negatively about a former employer the only negativity that gets spread around is on me yeah yeah it looks it looks foolish and stupid um and small and so man if if you really have a really ugly negative experience 10 and 10 years from now someone asks you, you can say, yeah, I used to work there. I don't like to talk about it. People will get the message, right? And you don't have to go into gory details and all that nonsense. It just makes you look small. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I don't think you're losing anything unless your intention is to

be some kind of an activist, which I wouldn't support you in doing that. No, that's not my intention at all. I didn't hear that. Your spirit's pretty clear in your voice. I hear it clearly. So, yeah, I don't see a problem with it. I'm trying to think of times that someone has presented an NDA to me. I signed an NDA when a good friend of mine brought me the idea for the Total Money Makeover.

And before he disclosed the idea of that book to me, he wanted me. And I said, dude, I'm not going to steal it. And if the idea is good, we're going to do it. So that's fine. I signed it. I didn't think anything about it. And obviously, it's turned out I've sold nine million copies of that book, so it turned out to be a good NDA, a good idea. And I protected him on the idea.

He made a lot of money. We made a lot of money. Everybody's got a lot of help. So that's when I did sign one. And I've signed them when I've left. You signed one when you came to work here. But I was a high-level leader. And there's trade secrets behind closed doors.'s attitudes behind yeah all kinds of just private stuff

proprietary information yeah and that kind of stuff but i'm trying to think when i have oh i'll tell you when i've been unwilling to sign an nda is if somebody that just calls and asks for a meeting here and they have and i've never heard of them and i don't know them and they've got this idea that they want to bring us. And I just go, you know, I don't really want to know about your idea because ideas are a dime a dozen. People who can pull them off are zero. And so there's not many. And so I don't really want to get into – because we've got people all over this building with ideas, and we may have already had the idea that you're bringing in here.

So I don't want to convolute the waters with that. So that's a time that I've not done it because I get people pouring ideas across our desks every day around here inside the building. We don't have to do that. And we're not known for stealing ideas in the marketplace. So, you know, that's the other thing. So, yeah, I would sign it. I would sign it. Unless you've got something in that company that you think there's something bad going on,

and they're just trying to trap you in a sense. But you've been there five years. You wouldn't be ready to continue the relationship if you thought that. So that's an interesting question. It gives me pause and makes me want to stop and think. Yeah, so. And if you see something that you don't like, that's when you've got to be the grown-up and say,

I'm out. Yeah. Or I'm going to stay. Tap out. And you all have a choice. I don't know. I had a company I was working for when I was in my 20s, and they said, this is the way it's going to be. And I said, no, no, it's not. And they said, yes, it is. And I said, no, it's not. I don't work here anymore. Yeah, have a great afternoon. It's America. It's not Russia.

And I don't have to be here anymore. And so, Johnny Paycheck moment, you know. This is the Ramsey Show. Our famous $10 sale is back. This time last year, a lot of folks got behind with their money. But this spring, there's hope. Our famous $10 sale can help you get control of your money and feel good about your future. We'll be right back. and Everyday Millionaires. These books will help you make a plan today to hit your money goals faster. So shop our $10 sale at our online store at RamseySolutions.com.

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Today's question comes from Alexis in Florida. Alexis writes, My mother and grandmother were recently in a car accident in which my grandmother was killed. Grieving the loss of a loved one is hard enough, but this is worse because my mom was driving. Mom's always been very anxious, and now she blames herself for this. What can I say or do for her at this time? I'm so sorry, Alexis. Wow.

Honestly, you can tell her that you love her and you can show up. There is no, like we talked about in the earlier show, there is no things you can knit on a pillow. There's no books you can hand someone that's going to make this okay. Grieving's hard and grieving's individual and everybody does it differently and this is just going to be hard.

You can show up and be with. If you're not in the same community, you can set up a dinner train and you can call your mom every day, but this is just going to be really hard. Really, really hard. Yeah, there's just not a formula. No. Everybody grieves differently. Well, and it just takes some time.

And, you know, we talked about this, like you said, in another hour. When I was a young guy, I was doing First Mac God. I was in a church, and they were teaching us to do how to work in the altar and a pastoral care position as a layperson. And they always talked about the ministry of presence. That's right. Don't say pithy things. Say nothing.

Like in this case, the one that comes to mind is don't say, well, that's why they call them accidents, because's an accident no it was an accident and that is why they call them accidents and she's not at fault and not saying that is not helpful at all but that's what comes to mind immediately that popped into my head when i saw this so um i was at a with a small group of writers and poets once and and a guy stood up, and we were talking about grief and art, and he stood up and told maybe the most incredible, heart-aching story I've ever heard in my life, ever. And it involves his son being hurt in something that was an accident,

but he was at the helm. And he told the story of he didn't remember much other than carrying his son, and he handed him to a nurse, and then they got onto a helicopter, and then he said, I remember this nurse walking me down a hall in this hospital, turned out, took me to a chapel, didn't even know where I was. Hour one, hour two, he said, he said nothing, this nurse. Somebody came in and whispered into his ear at hour four or five, found out later that he was being clocked out nurse just sat there he said at some point the nurse got up we hugged he left and i walked back in when they said hey your son's

out of surgery son made it and he said that man sat with me for four or five hours and said zero words and that was the first time i'd ever felt and seen Jesus. Said nothing. Just sat with me in a chapel, in a hospital and there's something about grief that demands to be witnessed. You gotta just

overcome that urge to give advice and to say, well you know you should be feeling this and what if you just did this and just say, Mom, I'm so sorry you're hurting and I love you

and I'm here. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I brought donuts. I miss grandma too. love you and I'm here. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I brought donuts. I miss grandma too. Yeah, I miss grandma too. Yeah. And I love you.

And at some point you can say, hey, mom, let's go for a ride. I'm going to drive. And that's mom's introduction back into a car, right, and back into the road. And over time she'll be back on the road and it's just going to be hard. And it doesn't matter if she was very anxious or not. Everybody's going to deal with this grief differently and it's just going to be hard and it doesn't matter if she was very anxious or not everybody's going to deal with this grief differently but this is going to be hard and it's going to be slow and it's going to be different and some some mothers will pop right back up and say what a wild thing i'm back in it most won't and your job is not to direct and and can't fix it curate their grief don't fix it be with them don't fix it. Be with them. Don't fix it. Right.

And that's a hard thing to do in a society full of fixers. Oh, my gosh. Everyone's got advice and opinions and seven steps to the new. Man, when you're in the car and someone you love passes away, everything's different from this point forward. And over time, that will emerge and grow in this ash. But right now, we're just going to sit in it. Wow. Alan is up next. Alan's in Louisville, Kentucky. Hey, Alan, how can we help?

Well, Dave, I've got an interesting situation. We have been on your plane for a long time. We've probably lit FPU, I don't know, 30 times. Wow. Thank you. So I know one of the answers to this. Hey, Alan, I was going to stop you. Dave, I don't even know the question, and I can't wait.

All right, go ahead, Alan. I know the financial answer, but I'm glad, and I called because Dr. D is on, because this is a relationship thing as much as anything else. We've been married for 38 years. We, and I got the best wife in the world. Accept. We are, no, there's not an except we're on baby step seven okay haven't had a home mortgage in 15 years so you're millionaires likely

yep you're baby step million, all right. Uh-huh. Last summer, my 91-year-old father passed away, and I learned from some good people, which is one reason why we've been successful together. Uh-huh. And Dad left us, between my brother and I, about another million and a half. So up to this point, most all of our assets have been in qualified plans and real estate. So it's been illiquid to do fun stuff. I don't want to run out of time, so you're going to have to ask your question.

I'm with you. So I want to buy about a $20,000 toy. It's not a financial issue, but I'm struggling, one, in my heart to say it's okay to do that, and two, my wife and I can't seem to get on the page about it. What's your net worth? Right now, about $2.3. What's her objection, and what's the toy? I want to get, well, I've always joked about getting a motorcycle,

but I'm your age, so I'm too damn old to have one of those. So I want to get a Polaris Slingshot. That would be a little safer, you know. So it's about unused, 20, new, maybe 35. So what is her objection to you spending this? She thinks it's unsafe or unwise. I can't tease it out. That's the problem.

You know, it's not a financial issue in our world, I don't think. No, it's not. John? Yeah, this has to do with either safety. This has nothing to do with the purchase. You guys can afford this six ways to Sunday. So if it's a money thing, buy it. I think you need to sit down and look at your wife across the purchase. You guys can afford this six ways to Sunday. So if it's a money thing, buy it. I think you need to sit down and look at your wife across the table. It

sounds like you may be a dreamer. You're a storyteller. You love the heart and soul of all this stuff. Sit down and say, hey, I really want to get this thing. And I can hear it in your voice that you don't want me to have it. Or you've said no. Tell me what the true objection is. What's really going on? Yeah. It's probably about safety. And no matter what she says, go, no, but really. Yeah. No, but really. What's the true objection is what's really going on yeah it's probably about safety and no matter what she says go no but really yeah no but really what's the real objection are you worried about it no but really what's the real objection i can tell you what sharon said it has nothing to do with my age she said if i get a motorcycle she's gone and i've ridden on a polaris with you and it's almost not as safe right well there you go dr john deloney ram Personality, is my co-host today.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jamie's in Pittsburgh. Hey, Jamie, how are you? Hi, I'm so excited to talk to you. You too. What's up? Okay, so here's my situation. I'm 26 years old, recently engaged. I live with to plan a wedding and it just doesn't feel right with my mom not being involved. I haven't really spoken to her. Also, my fiance

and I want to move across the country. We aren't really sure what to do because combined we're in $105,000 worth of student loan and car debt. Well, you've got a lot of chaos going on. Yeah. I'm sorry. There's a lot of highs and a lot of lows all in one explanation, right? And so what do you do for a living? What's your fiancé do for a living?

What do you all make? What's your incomes? Yes, I'm in the architecture industry. I make $52,000. My fiancé is in insurance sales. His base pay is $38,000. So when are you getting married? We haven't set a date because I'm hesitant with debt and with family.

And where would you move and when would you think about moving? We'd like to move either to Texas, possibly Austin or Dallas, or North Carolina, probably Charlotte. And do you have jobs lined up? We don't yet. I feel like so. Who's paying for the wedding? My dad said that he would contribute $10,000 to the wedding, and my fiance and I, we both would like to contribute $5,000.

Okay, so you have a $15,000 or $5,000 each? $5,000 each. So a $20,000 wedding. Okay. And why haven't you reached out to your mom? Well, she left my dad, and I found out through somebody else. So why haven't you reached out to your mom?

You're an adult architect who's about to get married. Why haven't you reached out and asked your mom what in the world she's doing and why she did it? I'm scared. Okay. That's an honest, truthful answer, and I honor that. You've got a lot, a lot of chaos in your life, and it sounds like what you need to do is sit down and write this stuff down on a piece of paper so you can look at it.

It all feels super overwhelming, and it's going to get more and more paralyzing and that's when people get into situations that are way way over their heads okay i'll give you an order and then you've got to figure out how to navigate it it just sounds to me like and this is not as much financial coaching as it is i've been through three adult kids getting married there were no divorces in the middle of them um but the uh i i would get married move and then work on the student loan debt in that order okay and i would get married soon we want we want to get married um and you're not getting married you're putting off getting married for the wrong reasons other people people are controlling your destiny, and that's ridiculous. Yeah.

You need to set the table and put out the dinner invitations, and whoever comes, comes to the table. Sure. And the table is, Mom, I'm planning a wedding June 15th, July 15th, August 1st, and I've got a $20,000 budget. I'm putting it together. I'd like to know what the flip is going on inside your brain, number one. Number two, I'd like to know if you want to be involved in planning this wedding.

If you want her involved. Yeah. And then you don't wait on her to figure out her life for you to get married. Because she's going to come back with different dates and that doesn't work for me and what if we did it and nope nope this is when it's happening and if you want to be involved these are the terms of you being involved you may not want her involved i don't know you may have written her off because of something she's done and you're not telling us what the whole story and you know more of it than you're letting on i think that's what's going on but and not telling us the whole story and you know more of it than you're letting on.

I think that's what's going on. And if that's what you want and dad comes out and says, well, then I'm not coming, then dad's made his decision too. This is where grown-ups are being grown-ups now. Right. So don't wait on your mom and dad to get their crap together for you to get married. That might be never. Because it's going to be a while.

Okay. They're obviously pretty screwed up. I think you should go see, if you haven't already, go sign up for premarital counseling Monday. Yep. Because you all have a lot to unpack. Good, good. Good.

Take that seriously. Do all those exercises. Do that. Set a wedding date this summer. Get married. Make a move and work on your student loans with your new jobs make the move only when you have new jobs don't move and hope it all works out oh we're going to texas and god will take care of us no god says get a job before you go okay so we should just save up um really as much as we can once we set the date.

We started saving, but then we were like, oh, should we put this towards student loans? No, just put your student loans on as much hold as you can put them on and get through the move and get through the wedding, the wedding and then the move. And get landed in two good jobs, settle down there. You can check in on your parents and hope they're doing well hope they're starting to heal hope they're putting their lives back together meanwhile you're going to tear into tear into these student loans like a vengeance but you can't really do six things at once that's what's driving you nuts isn't it yeah you can't fix your mom you can't fix your mom you You can't fix your mom. You get married, pay off your student loans, and move.

And because your mom did something stupid, now you're questioning the whole enterprise. And are you safe? Are you smart? Who's this lady? You don't trust yourself. You don't trust your family. It all just feels too much, right? Yeah.

I have paid off $53,000 of student loan debt so far since I've graduated. Yeah, but that all happened before all hell broke loose. Yes, yes. Yeah, so you've made good progress. I'm proud of you. I'm not saying that. But right now, you've got a bunch of things on your table. And listen, you can eat an elephant if you just do it a bite at a time.

So all I did is give you an order. If you want to change the order, change the order. I don't care. But the problem is when there's no order. There's no one before two before three and i'm just saying wedding before move before student loans thank you that's my opinion it's worth what you paid for it kiddo and anytime you're faced this is for any listener anybody you're faced with this those seasons of chaos and we all have them write it down get somebody in your life that will read it back to you say are you really going to do it like this and you go oh no no no it's just getting

order to that chaos and then like the baby steps come up with your plan and start walking it well you can flesh it out you know in her situation, we could do it in a different order. We're going to move, and then we're going to get married. That doesn't work so good. Nope. Oh, wait, we're going to pay off all the student loans. Well, there's $105,000. It'll be a little while before we get married and before we move then. We're going to be in Daddy's basement a while.

This is going to continue. So, I mean, when you play all of these things out, there's only really one order that's going to be the most efficient and logical. A common thing is she wants to make sure Mom and dad are okay before she goes and pulls her sugar and you can't do that oh yeah mom and dad are going to be a mess that's probably been brewing for a long there's so much back to that right you've got to chart your course at this point and i love your wisdom tell mom what here's the plan tell dad here's the plan yeah and we're moving forward and we're serving dinner at six if you want to eat be there i'd love to have you there yeah and if you only save up 15 000 for the wedding nobody's gonna die right yeah oh by the

way 10 10 is gonna you're gonna have a great wedding and the pictures are gonna look great 20 years from now and that's what you'll remember that's lots of weddings around here these young people on our team getting married lots Lots of $10,000 weddings. Oh, yeah. Lots of them. The marriage works just as good. Yeah. There's no correlation between the cost of the wedding and the success of the marriage.

As a matter of fact, at some point, there may be an inverse correlation. This is the Ramsey Show. Thank you. Our scripture of the day, Psalm 16, 5 and 6. Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely, I have a delightful inheritance. Charles Kettering said, Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.

Nice job, Kettering. They will watch everything you do. And do it perfectly. Yep. They won't listen to you, but they will watch you. You don't believe me? Try opening your mouth and one of your parents comes out. Oh, trust me.

It's happening. Dude, I got an 11-year-old and a 5-year-old, Dave. I hear it, and you just have to look over your shoulders. My old man, is my dad here? What is happening? How did that just come out? Where did that come from? And then I watched my son make the same face I made.

I could feel it. It's like living in the Matrix. It's so bizarre. Rachel says more is caught than taught. That is so true. You want your children to be good with money? Let me teach you how to do that. You be good with money.

It's so much easier just to tell them stuff, Dave. And do it in front of them. Don't hide it. Don't hide all of your money secrets because they're not really secrets after all. Hey, while we're on that topic, let me ask you this. What is a rule of thumb you've experienced over the years telling kids your salary? Because I really like having, especially my 11-year-old down there, watching us do the budget and watching.

Because I want him to have an understanding. Here's how much electricity costs and water costs and those kind of things. But also just having an innate fear of him running around school saying, hey, what does your parents make? My parents, you know what I mean? Yeah. I shared all the expenses, but i never shared the income okay until they were 18 okay or until they were in college or whatever that's they knew we were doing okay you know kind of thing but they um uh i didn't but we were also

trying to protect our kids from the celebrity crap as well right you know the the um because we were trying to make sure they don't play the dave card at school to try to get some kind of favor right now or something my dad's dave ramsey you know that kind of bullcrap and so you just got to step on that with a big foot and so um truthfully none of them ever did it much except rachel yeah i think my son lies about his last name and no it's delaney i'm not that guy right well yeah and there's some of that i mean because there's two sides to that part right i mean there's a lot of french guys in fair try being in a financial uh a personal finance class in college and your dad's name is david yeah that would be a pain in the butt so that that really

happened um didn't go well and so uh uh but yeah there's and i can see rachel she won't back down either no and yeah daniel would nod politely rachel would say excuse me yeah daniel waited till the end of the semester and then told the guy's last name right right he didn't even get it the guy didn't even understand how stupid he was. But the – Yeah, no, we didn't share incomes. But it's protecting an 11-year-old from himself, I think. Well, and, you know, because they just – you know, they – even if something is the truth, you don't want them bragging. That's right.

You don't want them embarrassing themselves or the family or whatever else. I mean, it's just you don't want them being that kid, you know, like, you know, my dad makes sense. My mama makes sense, though. Yeah. You know, that's a gross kid. But I like that idea of sharing the expenses, making sure they see. Yeah, they did. That's a gross kid. But I like that idea of sharing the expenses, making sure they see the expense sheet. I mean, I remember distinctly Rachel and maybe Denise sitting at the kitchen table, and we're going over the electric bill, and Denise goes,

Oh, my gosh, it costs so much to buy electricity. And, like, Rachel looked at her and goes, I guess that's why they're telling us to close the door all the time. Turn the lights off right it's like but there was this no pun intended light bulb moment that came on right and um you know and it's just but that that's really good i love those you know and you know get the mutual fund statement out and go here's the share price and here's the number of shares in your college fund right and so how do you figure out what your how much money's in your college fund you multiply those times do you figure out how much money is in your college fund?

You multiply those times each other. I love that. And it's a little sixth grade math lesson, fourth grade math lesson there. I love it. Whatever it is to get to that point and work that through. But it's value building. And then you have to constantly correct for them. We squashed out any type of entitlement. Oh, yeah.

Stuff. Like Rachel and I told the story in the Smart Money, Smart Kids series in the book and in the teaching series she does in Ramsey Plus. Daniel was a little guy, you know, about seven, eight years old, and we finally got a decent car after going broke. And, you know, we're old old southern people so you get a new car everybody piles in you go for a little ride right that's a like a celebration of the buying the new car you know i'm talking about yes and so daniel gets he leans back in the back seat all the way

back and he goes we're doing pretty good and i said honey we ain't doing anything you got nothing you got nothing i'm doing pretty good you you're just along for the ride buddy and so he's like the kids told that story for years because like daniel's like okay okay i just thought it was like when i got this latest truck this this uh fine 06 model hank got in it he looked at it he looked at me Based on the old truck I was driving. Yeah. It's a pretty sizable upgrade. He said, Dad, are we rich? I said, yeah. Yes, we are, son.

Yes, we are. We have a good used pickup. That's right. We are rich. This truck cost five digits. Whoa. Whoa. Not just.

Not everybody has a five-digit pickup. This truck had a 10 in front of the comma. Mm-hmm. Whoa, Dad. That's right, son. Stay close to your old man. He'll get you places. Oh, my gosh.

Well, the thing is, yeah, you do want to share. And on the other side, the other thing we run into with kids, how much to discuss, is when things aren't going well. Right. You don't want to scare them, right? You can terrify kids. Yeah, you can terrify them. We're going to get foreclosed on and thrown in the street. Yes.

And that's trauma that they'll carry into their 40s. Right. You know, but instead just go, you know, mom and dad got this. it's gonna be okay it's we're having some bad times though and you just keep it where they can digest it and obviously you can disclose more to a 14 year old than you can a four-year-old at least hypothetically and um i've learned in those conversations that touch is a huge settling thing for a kid if i'm having a hard conversation with with a young, I'm going to sit him on my lap. I'm going to make sure I'm touching their face, touching their hands. And it's a grounding force for a kid.

They can hear it and they can see me, right, as opposed to just throwing off a piece of information that I got more context to. And that kid's going to take that and just run with it, right? Like neural pathways. It's just I need them to be grounded and know that I it right and they're like neural pathways it's just i need them to be grounded and know that i got you i got you we're here this is a hard season this is really tough times and dad's working a plan with mom and we're going to figure this out because they they can um that they can sense it they can feel the stress in the air and if you don't call it out they will assume that stress is created by them and they will spend the rest of their life trying to solve it yeah right

and they got you got to let them know there is stress in the air it is not you in fact you're the best part of this and we're gonna make it we're having grown-up challenges and we're luckily you got grown-up solving them that's right that's right we're gonna make it that car that car is not gonna be in the driveway anymore we're gonna make it yeah we's right. We're going to make it. That car is not going to be in the driveway anymore. We're going to make it. Yeah. We sold the boat. Oh, boy. You know?

We're going to make it. Yeah. But you're going to be okay. We're going to have food, and we got each other. And we're going to go kick a soccer ball out right now. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll work it out.

But you got to be real careful because, well, children deserve to know. Not really. You can weaponize truth in a way that makes you feel tough and makes you feel back in control don't do that to a kid yeah right call your buddy and tell him you're scared to death and that's why you gotta have people in your life right yeah and you know and and but it is good to also the other side of it is to acknowledge it you need to acknowledge it keeping it keeping completely stuffed they know something's up and they they think it's worse than it is.

And there's some conventional parenting wisdom years ago was don't have disagreements in front of your kids. You don't want to scare them. And inadvertently, there's a generation of kids that don't know that you can fight and still love somebody, right? Yeah. Yeah. Kids grow up. Parents never talked about sex. Parents never talked about money.

Figured they hadn't either. Found out later they had both. I know. I didn't want to know any of it. Don't want to know this. I don't want to know this. Dr. John Deloney, good show today. Thank you.

I'm James Childs and Kelly Daniel in the booth. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember there is ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast

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