The Ramsey Show - App - My Parents Don't Care for My Fiancée (Hour 3)

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I am John Deloney, and I'm here with my good friend and co-host, the one and only Mr. Anthony O'Neill, and we are taking your calls about life, about money, about any and everything. Give us a call at 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Anthony, are we doing well? Hey, man, we're doing well, man. Ready to get to these phone lines and help some people out. Outstanding. Let's go to Elizabeth in Albany, New York. Elizabeth, how's it going? Good. How are you guys? We are doing well. We're doing well. How can we help? So my husband and I were in $140,000 in debt. A hundred of it is just in student loans.

And we're currently in baby step two. And on top of this, two years ago, we had our first son welcomed into the world and he was born with Down syndrome. And on top of this, two years ago, we had our first son, um, welcomed into the world and he was born with Down syndrome. And shortly after his birth, I became very ill and I'm now dealing with a chronic illness. Um, I'm just feeling very guilty about our current situation as I feel like a lot of it is my fault in a lot of ways. And we're working at our, at our debt, but, um, at the same time my husband and I are both working full-time yeah so who do you feel guilty towards I just feel guilty because I mean of our student loan debt 80,000 is mine alone um I got my master's in finance and accounting

and um I just feel guilty because on top of that I got like very ill where I was debilitated and basically working with fevers at home, trying to keep it together. And I feel like, I mean, the illness, I feel like it's my fault. And on top of that, I had a son born with a disability. So what's your, what's your illness? I went undiagnosed with Lyme disease and type 4 relapsing fever for two years and it also put my body into like an autoimmune type of illness as well and I'm currently at home getting home care. I have a nurse coming Okay. So you're wearing a backpack and in that backpack, we all have one, but we're just talking about yours today.

And in that backpack are bricks that you may have put in there over time, that your parents may have put in there, that your religion or culture may have put in there, that your financial state, wherever you happen to live, life puts them in there, right? And some people are born with more bricks in their backpack than others. Some just skate free for a while, but everybody ends up with bricks in their backpack. And then you do something that violates your core moral principles. That's a cinder block, right?

Or somebody introduces trauma into your life, and they just slam a cinder block into that backpack, and you carry it around for a while. When people talk about guilt for me, that's when somebody violates one of their own core principles. They violate their own conscience. And there is a proper and right thing to do when you violate your core set of values, and that's to pick up and carry this brick. I made a mistake. I'm going to carry this for a while. When it becomes shame is when you put it in your backpack and you say, I am a

mistake. I'm going to carry this around because I have to. When you have a beautiful, wonderful baby that has downs, but it's still lovely and hard and challenging and different. I want to change your word from guilt to grief. Not that you're grieving that you don't have a healthy baby that also has Down syndrome, but you have a baby that is different from the picture that you had in your head. And I want to give you permission to say,

this isn't how we drew it up. This isn't the picture, the fantasy I had in my head, and it's okay. And I love, love my baby. And I love this new venture we're going to be on together. And that's different than guilt. It is a real thing that moms and dads who have children with special needs feel like they, quote unquote, did something to somebody. The longer you carry that brick around, the more you weigh yourself down,

the more you weigh your marriage down, and the more you weigh your parenting down. And here's the thing. You've got an autoimmune disease. You owe it to your body to sit down as many of those bricks as possible. Did you borrow a lot of money for school? Yeah, you did. And then you learn some new information, right?

You learn some new information, right? You learn some new information. And so carrying it around to tomorrow and to the next day and to the next day only does one thing. It traumatizes the next day and the next day and the next day. And the one thing your body needs is as few bricks as possible. Right. Right? So I wanted to tell you, you are worthy of walking around with a lighter load. You are worthy of putting those bricks down that you've picked up and chosen to carry. You've got a baby that is different than your, than you thought, but wow, what a gift, right?

Oh yeah. What a beautiful, fun, messy, fun gift, right? It's different, but it's a gift. And is your husband a good guy? Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. He's amazing. And the guilt more, I mean, I don't, I don't feel like, I mean, for a while I did blame myself for what happened, but it turned into more of a guilt. Like I can't stay home with my child because of my student loan debt and here's the thing you've acknowledged it you pick that brick up and I want you to set it down because all you're doing now is prolonging the gap between you and your child prolonging that gap between you and your husband because you got a big cinder block between the two of you put it down it is what it is and what you're going to do is you're going to do the best you can

is as much as your health will allow to grind the sucker out you're going to pay that stuff off as fast as you can and you and your husband are going to live towards something anthony talks a lot about this you're going to live towards a future where you're staying at home, you are soaking up every precious minute with this beautiful, wonderful baby, and you are doing the best you can right now to grind it out. The more you drag yesterday into today, the more that smell is just going to wrinkle your whole house, right? Right. So will you commit to me and my friend Anthony that you're just going to put the bricks down today?

Yes, I will. Say it out loud. I'm going to put these bricks down today. I'm going to put these bricks down today. And when your husband comes home from work, I want you to give him a squish of a hug as you possibly can. And I want you to tell him, honey, I put the bricks down today. I thought you was going to say give him a squishy kiss. You can do that too.

Do them both. Do them both. And I want you to hug that baby. Yes. Hug that baby and say, honey, today I'm putting the bricks down. And you don't know a mama who's not carrying bricks around, but today is going to be that day'm putting the bricks down. And you don't know a mama who's not carrying bricks around.

But today is going to be that day that we put them down. Anthony, as parents, we've got these pictures of what it's going to be like. I know you've got them. I have them. I don't have any kids. I know, but you've got a picture of what you imagine it's going to be. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's never that picture.

Well, don't tell me that. I don't want to think like that right now. I want to enjoy the picture I have in my head. But hey, here's the thing. You're going to enjoy the reality so much more. You're going to enjoy the reality so much more. It's never what we think, and it's always harder and more messy and more beautiful. Yes, sir. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. I get the privilege every day to talk to smart, creative entrepreneurs doing great things for our economy.

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Give these products as gifts this season. To get the Dave Ramsey special, visit GRIP6.com. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined with Ramsey personality Anthony O'Neill, my co-host, 888-825-5225. Let's go to Luke in Janesville, Wisconsin. Luke, what's going on, man? Hey, gentlemen.

How are you doing today? Outstanding. How can we help? Great. Well, I don't exactly have a money question. I mean, it sort of is, I guess, but not really. I've been engaged to my wonderful fiance for about a year. We're planning on getting married in June of 21. And the issue I'm having is that my parents don't really want to accept the fact that we're together and that we're going to be having a future together and that we'll be

married. My fiance's parents have been very supportive this whole time and I'm very fortunate for that but like every time that I've spoken on the phone with my folks in the last year like they've never even asked about my fiancee or how she's doing or anything and so they they're very um fascinated with my life and how I'm doing but they they never asked about my fiance. So the issue that I'm having is, uh, first of all, I, I want them at the wedding cause it's a, you know, getting married is, you know, one of the best days of your life and you want family to help celebrate that. But at the same time, I'm thinking a little long term in the future,

if they won't, if they won't even say her name now, then what's to tell me that they're going to be supportive, you know, 20, 30 years from now into the future? Why don't they like your fiancé? I don't know. That's a million-dollar question. You have some inkling. Like, my parents like my wife way better than me, way better. Well, that's not hard.

That's a low bar, I get. But, yeah, you have some inkling. Your mom has made some offhand, passive-aggressive comments. Your dad's been passive-aggressive. What is it about her? Or at least guess. Well, I don't think it's anything specific about my fiancée now. I've dated other people in the past, and it's been the same thing every person that I've dated.

So are you the precious little son that nobody will ever be good enough for you? I think that's a big part of it. I mean, I'm the firstborn. I've got one other sibling. Okay. So here's the deal. Here's the deal, Luke. Save yourself a lot of heartache and headache.

Number one, if this is the person you're going to marry, this is who you've decided to marry. It is what it is what it is. You're doing something called catastrophizing. That's the nerd word. And what that means is you are painting a picture of what might happen next year, five years, ten years, and 20 years from now, and you are allowing your body to respond to it right now as though it's happening.

And one way to cut through all of this grief, all of the I don't knows and this could happen in 30 years from now if my parents don't fill in the blank, is call your dad. Call your mom and say, we just need to have a hard conversation. Do you not like my fiance?

Or, guys, I'm marrying her. I want y'all to be on board with this. I want y'all to be supportive of us. I want you to love me, and the best way you can love me is by loving both of us. But this is going to happen. And then you move on from there.

And you may find out that they don't know how to talk about it. They may not like her like you think they don't like her. Or you may get some real good clarity that they hate her. They think she's the worst person ever. They think you should break up with her. Either way, you're going to have some clarity. Because when you get that clarity, then you're going to know, well, then I don't want you at the wedding.

Or you're going to know well then i don't want you at the wedding or you're going to feel free to invite them your parents are going to be have have the permission to have their own feelings about it but you're not going to let them dictate it because they don't get a vote they're not living your life right how hard would that conversation be luke it it would definitely be hard i mean we've had um when when, when I popped the question last December, I, I wasn't living near my parents through about a thousand miles away. So I called home to tell them the news, you know, and, uh, it was a very, very weird phone conversation. Unlike anything that I've ever had with them. Uh, it was, it was more of like, they were,

they were almost yelling at me out of anger that why I would do this in my life you know why I would ask this woman to marry me it was almost as though I was supposed to ask them for permission before I did it which I did not do how old are you Luke?

I was going to say how old are you man? we're both 26 years old me and my fiance alright cool man here's the savage side of me if your fiance hasn't done anything to disrespect your parents or your family no she's been loving she's been caring she's been respectful um and and this is the woman that you feel is your wife, God is saying, move forward. Yep.

Bro, I'm just saying what I would do. I'm not saying this is the right thing to do. Big difference. Let me say this. This is what I'm going to do. This is what I would do. My family will get the message very clearly from me that this is my wife.

This is where we're going. When they ask me, how are you doing? I'm saying we are doing well. And until they can respect her, then my family wouldn't talk to me. Now, I'm not saying you to do that. I'm just saying my family will know this is a grown man. We have to respect where he's going

and we need to respect his wife because the last thing you want to do and I could be wrong here. Again, I'm not married. I'm not a marriage counselor. But the last thing you want your fiance soon to be wife to feel like when you get married is that you don't have her back with your family. Ding, ding ding ding and you need to show your family up front like yo listen i want to talk to you but now this is my priority this is my number one family and you're number two and so it's like if you can't respect her that means you don't respect me and if you don't respect me then we can't talk so lu, why haven't you had a conversation with your parents?

And I'm asking you this because you're a few months away from being a married man. You're a few months away from legally and spiritually binding yourself to co-create a new future together. And I'm concerned about what the next Christmas is going to look like when your mom says X, Y, Z, what the birthday parties, what the first, when you have your first kid and your second kid and your third kid, you don't seem like somebody who's able to have a hard conversation and not even a hard one, a direct conversation. Yeah, I'm about to say this ain't hard at all. A direct conversation with your mom and dad. Why haven't you had that conversation yet?

Well, I've tried to. No, no, no, no. Why haven't you had that conversation yet? I guess I would rather not deal with their criticism. And I know that's all. What are you going to criticize? His fiance, his decisions, his choices. Exactly, exactly, yeah.

And I realize it shouldn't bother me. I can't control what other people say if you don't think. Hey, Luke, it can bother you, and you can't control what other people think. Right? Yeah. And so I'm going to suggest you're not ready to get married until you're ready to sit down and have an adult grown-up conversation with your parents have a grown-up adult conversation with your parents about your direction

where you're gonna go like anthony said i'm not gonna tell this guy john not to get married because he's scared to talk to his mom and dad. I'm painting a broader wisdom picture. If you're ready to join lives with somebody, you're also able to say, hey, mom and dad, here's who we are going to be. Right. Okay. Yeah. No, that makes sense.

Is that fair? I get it. Absolutely. So pretty much what he's saying, Luke, is go talk to your mom and dad so you can get married, bro. You know, go tell them up front, this is what we're about to do. Let's talk. That's right. You know, and that's not a hard conversation.

If you love this woman, you're calling her right now. I mean, not her. You're calling your mom and dad right now. And I'm going to tell you, you're going to have a conversation to have with your fiancee because she's absorbed all of this. Yeah. And she has felt second fiddle to your mom and second fiddle to your dad, too. And let me say this, too.

Your honeymoon night, because you step up to your mom and dad, is going to be real good. Oh, and then Anthony went there. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney with my good friend, co-host, Mr. Anthony O'Neill. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Haley in Dallas, Texas. Haley, good afternoon.

How are we doing? I'm good. How are you all? Very, very well. How can we help? So I am 22 years old, and I have about $30,000 in checkings, $8,000 in savings. I have like a 730 credit score, zero debt, and I own two cars. I just want to know more about what I can do to improve my financial situation and what kind of investment I should start looking at.

Haley, okay. I mean, oh my goodness. I'm loving this conversation right now. Okay, I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. You have $30,000 in savings, $8,000 in checking, a 22-year Zod. Are you educated? Do you have a bachelor's degree? I actually did not go to college.

I just enrolled in real estate online school. Oh. So what do you do for a living? Right now I'm a marketing coordinator at a mortgage company and I also bottle service on the weekends. Come on. Working hard. And what's your debt looking like right now?

Zero debt. Zero debt. Come on. Let's go. I'm getting excited right now. I'm sorry. All right. You called in for help, not for excitement.

What is the next thing you should be doing at 22 years old? Exactly what you're doing right now, living intentionally, being a good steward of your means. Now, with you having you just enrolled in real estate school because you're working for a mortgage company. So this means you want to get into real estate. Love it. So you're going to cash flow that part, all right? Are you doing any kind of investing right now? I'm not. Okay.

So my money is kind of sitting and saving, so I want to do more. Let me ask you this question, too. I mean, it's paid for, but why do you have two cars? So one of my cars is in so great condition, it needs a couple of things. But then my other car is just, I have an Audi that I bought in high school from Cap. And then I just this year bought a Toyota because bottle servicing, I drive 40 minutes. And so I wanted a more reliable car. Yeah, love it, love it, love it.

Sell that car. Today, sell it. Go sell the Audi. Don't try and fix it. Just sell it. Someone will buy it from you. Put that money into your savings. And what I would do, Haley, right now is the very first thing I would do is I would go ahead and open up a growth stock mutual fund,

which is covered by an IRA, so you can start investing 15% of your income into that. Okay. That's the very first thing that I would do. Now there are some other options as well that with your age and with the kind of income that you're making right now, the income you're about to be making when it comes to the real estate space, you can really start investing into some other different areas. I want to encourage you to speak to a smart investor pro. Okay. I just go to Dave Ramsey.com type in smart investor right there. And you'll find some areas, not some areas, but some people in your area that will sit down with you. But one of the key things

that I'm seeing with real estate agents, they're not doing a real good job of saving and investing their money for retirement. Okay. And so what I want to encourage you to do is to really jump on a phone with a smart investor pro going ahead and just tell them, Hey, I want to open up a IRA invested into a growth stock, growth stock mutual fund. I want to start maxing that out. And then what are some other options that I can be doing at this young age with you doing this at 22? If you can do this sometime next week before Thanksgiving and give

yourself a good 30 to 40 years, Haley, just from your investments alone, you will be a multimillionaire. Now, I think you're going to be a millionaire just from your income and how you can be doing in the real estate world. But just think about it. If you're if you can get your income to a million dollars a year and then you have investments worth a million dollars a year at 40 years old, man, you're going to be in such a great place. So that's the very first thing that I would do is, one, continue living with intentionality. Continue being a good steward of your money. Continue living below your means because it sounds like you're living way below your means. I want to commend you for that. And then four, start investing as much as you possibly can into your retirement, not just

into accounts for five years. No, have a strategic plan about that. You know, this is what I want you, I want you to hold on. I love giving away people stuff. You don't have like a big, big book just yet. You redefine it. She ain't anxious about nothing. So I'm not going to give her your book. But I want you to hold on, Haley, because you are a future everyday millionaire. And Kelly's going to give you a copy of Chris Hogan's book, Everyday Millionaire. And I want you to read this book, okay? This book is going to show you what millionaires are doing and what they did to become a millionaire. If you can have that mindset at 22 years old, oh, my goodness. So hold on the phone.

Hold on the phone. Hey, I'm so proud of you. Hold on the phone. Kelly's going to take good care of you, man. But, John, 22, what were you thinking at 22? Not that. What about you? Oh, man, 22, I started thinking like that, but I was in debt like crazy.

I wasn't even close to thinking about nothing like that at 22. Yeah, I mean, I was, you know. I was a basketball coach. I wanted to win basketball games and look flashy. And this is one of the things, man. I'm not trying to plug myself, but I am trying to plug myself here. Plug it. This is why I'm so passionate about helping young people understand at 20 in their young 30s that if we can shift our mindset and really start thinking about the future by being a good steward today so we can have something to stand on tomorrow and build on tomorrow, our world is so,

so, so much better. And one of the key ingredients to really building a life for success is identifying your why. Now, a lot of people hear this, have heard this before, but like, if your why doesn't make you cry, that's what everyone hears. And you don't have, you don't have a deep enough why, but I want to go a little bit further. If your why doesn't make you cry, then the price of commitment will make you cry. and so one of the key things i'm trying to teach young people is get that deep why why do you want to be successful what's going to get you over the hump of when people tell you you're not making smart moves you need to get this credit card you need to be in debt you need to have this you need to have that no if your why is not deep enough then you're going to fall into that trap this young lady has a clear why that's why she was

able to have thirty thousand dollars at 22 years old sitting in a bank account check this out with no degree no degree i was gonna say with no degree no degree and so this is what i'm talking about on my show uh the table with anthony o'neill on youtube it comes out every monday about to release a podcast so i want young people parents if you hear me right now my show ain't for you i'm gonna be real but if you're in your 20s and if you're in your 30s if you know someone in their 20s and 30s they need to go over youtube.com because that's what i'm trying to produce other young people in their 20s and 30s really becoming debt free, having a strong savings, and building strong wealth. So we can change the future that our younger people coming up can see.

I love it. And speaking of young people going to get it, this doesn't have to just be young people. It just happens to be a lot of the time. Yeah. Do you know we have over 130 people on our creative team here at Ramsey Solutions? Lots of brilliant minds, creative people. I saw what they did with my Photoshop. They took a picture of my face.

Anthony, they made me look handsome. They made me look handsome, too. That's a lot of creative energy in one space. We act as one big in-house agency that supports all types of business units. Our team is currently looking for passionate product designers with strong visual design skills and a background in user experience and user research. If you've been impacted by our mission and want to spread our message of hope, if you, in your 20s, 30s, you want to change your trajectory,

we want you to apply for a position on our team today. Find out about all of the available jobs at DaveRamsey.com slash careers. We are doing work that matters, and we have more fun in this building than any job you can imagine. Hey, man, not just in this building, even outside, brother. I can't, man, listen, battle the bands every year? Just getting around the fire pit. Folks going to hang out at different crews. People coming over to each other's houses.

We've been voted as one of the best places to work in the country. In the country. By Inc. Magazine. Young folks, old folks, any creative person. You get to work with Dave Ramsey, John Deloney, Rachel Cruz, Anthony O'Neill, Ken Comey, Christy Wright. And even Chris Hogan.

Come on. Apply today at DaveRamsey.com slash careers. Get it, folks. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. today's scripture is psalms 20 verse 7 some trust in chariots and some in horses but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Simon Sinek says, Vision is the ability to talk about the future with such clarity it is as if we are talking about the past. Vision is the ability to talk about the future with such clarity it is as if we are talking about the past.

Hold on. Let me hold on to that. I like that quote. I like that quote. All right. Let's go to Kaylee in Hoboken, New Jersey. Kaylee, how are we doing? Doing well. Thank you both so much for taking my call. You bet. Thanks for calling.

What can we do to help? I have a question on how to approach investing with my fiance or discussing all our future investing. We're both 27 years old, graduated from state schools debt-free, and have each about $100,000 in our retirement accounts and some personal investing. So I think we're doing great. But his strategy is much more single-stock focused because he works in finance and kind of thinks that he's smarter than the indexes, I guess. And I'm much more about mutual funds and being more safe with my investing. And I'm trying to get him on board for a future because I don't want us to argue about how we should be handling our money once we're married. Yeah. Yeah. This is this is a good question right here. And I wish you're I wish he was on the phone with you.

Do you all seek guidance from a financial advisor? Or is he your financial wizard? No, we both use people that our family used. Okay, that's a problem. Yeah, that's a problem. Don't use who your family used. Use who you two need to use. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah, that makes sense.

So this is what I want you to do. I want you to ask your husband, hey, can we together, because I love how, man, we are young, we're investing, and we're winning right now financially. But I just want to talk to like a different financial advisor that can really just really help us get to that next level. Like, yo, husband, can you think about us being a multimillionaire? He'll get excited. Don't say anything about, I don't like how you're doing single stocks. Just say, hey, I really wanna go sit down,

have coffee with someone, show someone our portfolio and see how we can flip this portfolio and make it even better. And then let the financial advisor from there advise you to on like, hey, this single stock route is not the best route. Mutual funds, stuff like this is the best route. Mutual funds, stuff like this is the best route.

And so what I would do if he says yes, then I would just go to smart, best of pro and just find a few of them in your neighborhood. See which one you all comfortable with is sit down and have, have the conversation because I think we can give you all the stats on the phone. And then the last thing I want you to do is go back to your husband and say, well, Anthony and John and Dave said, well,

you don't want to tell another man what another man said. Okay. Absolutely. Right. Yeah. So I don't want to set you up to lose. Cause as soon as you say, well, Anthony said, well, who the heck is Anthony? Well, why he pay no bills in his house?

So I would say, Hey, I i enjoy this i love what we're doing we are winning right now are you open to sitting down with another financial advisor and literally having coffee having lunch with them and allowing them to talk into how do we make this even better and from what i think about husband, I think he's going to be totally down with that because it just means, it just means more money. Y'all just pocket down the road and then allow the financial advisor to call out like, Hey,

single stocks, that's not the route to go because nearly 70% of people who invest into single stocks lose their money. You do not want to be in that stat. Okay, so that would be my recommendation. Yeah, I love that. And I love, Anthony, that you told him, go into a finance guy who's won the last few years

and said, I know it feels good. I know we think it's always going to be raining, but there's going to be seasons of drought. He's not going to hear that. Right, he's not going to be raining yeah but there's going to be seasons of drought yeah he's not going to hear that yeah right he's not gonna hear that no so the answer to this question is often less a math problem and more of a heart problem yeah and i even want to say this to dr d and i want you to answer this question because this is our second time today um you know just hearing this question and i hear this often and i'm like man we got to say something because I don't want to, I don't want people to feel like I don't, I don't love my own

leader, Dave Ramsey. But the last thing you want to do is say, Dave said, right. You know, you got to figure out how to get your partner or whoever you're trying to talk to your loved one on board, because that's what you passionately feel, you know, about.. You can say I've done some research. I've listened to the Dave Ramsey show. I've read some books. I've done this. And I think this is the route to go without saying Dave, Anthony, Chris, Dr. John said. Like, you've got to be passionate about it.

Right. Dave wrote the plan. Right. Right. Dave lived the plan, has created the plan. Yes. But Dave's not waking up in your house every day. Come on.

Dave's not going to be sitting on the front porch of your paid-off house while your grandkids are running around in the yard. Sure won't. You are. Yep. Right? Yep. And as you talked about earlier, you have to be your why. The picture of where you and your spouse are going to live someday, that's got to be your why.

Not just because Dave said so. Now, it's fun when both you and your spouse are on board. Yes. You're living it in. It's fun to blame Dave for everything. Yeah. My little brother, he is, him and his wife have been grinding for years. He's got all these weird, odd jobs.

He'll text me a picture from underneath the house and he'll say, look what Dave's making me do. It's part of a family joke. Right? They're on it together. But his wife's not coming home saying, you're going to do this because Dave said so. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. Then you're using Dave as a weapon. Yeah. Instead of as a as a guide. Exactly. That's right. All right. Let's go.

Let's get one more. Let's go to Joe in Philadelphia. Joe. Good afternoon. How can we help? Hi. How are you? So good.

Good. So good, so good. So I've been actually working in the last couple years on the debt snowball that I read in Rachel's book a couple years ago, and recently our situation changed where my husband's father-in-law, my father-in-law, he passed away and left us a great deal of money. So our situation kind of changed where we're going to have the ability to pay the rest of our debts off. And we have money that we're going to be able to have in our investments that we're trying to get rolled into investments. But we still have a mortgage on our home.

And the financial advisor, when she asked me what I want to do, I said I want to pay my house off, and she absolutely said no. Of course she did because she's not going to get any of the commission off the rest of that money. That's what I thought. Yeah, that's exactly. How much do you owe in the house, Jo? We owe $260,000.

Okay. But we would have $700,000 in investments, and we actually have more cash. Other than that, we would even have. So I feel like I should take that cash. Pay off the house. Pay off the house. Pay off the house. I mean, I want to breathe easy at night, you know?

And Joe, if there's not some significant ties here, I want you to get a different financial advisor. This is somebody that doesn't have your best interest in mind. They have their best interest in mind. And I want you to find someone who is going to sit down and listen

to you and learn your goals, one of which is to be completely debt-free, one of which is to be completely debt-free, one of which is to honor your father-in-law by being a good steward of this money, not that's going to make them a quick return. Joe, is this a smart investor? A what? Is your financial advisor a smart investor?

I'm not quite sure. I can tell you no, Anthony, because they wouldn't ask that kind of question. So what I'm saying is, Joe, that's great. I want you to go to DaveRamsey.com, find you a smart investor on there that you can explain all your dreams to. They will guide you down the right path. And they will also tell you, pay off your home. You have $700,000 in investments. You have extra cash on reserves.

You are on the right track. One of the key things we found when it comes to building wealth, and Chris Hogan's study on Everyday Millionaire was they had a paid-for mortgage. So buy. Pay off the mortgage. Get rid of this weird financial advisor that just wants a commission check. He'll get you someone that's going to help you build true wealth. And what they're going to do is they're going to say, listen, interest rates are 3%. I can make you this much percent in the market.

Yeah. And they're going to punch some numbers on a 10 key and they're going to say, see, see, see, this is an easy math problem. And what you're going to say is, I'm in this for the long haul. This is a heart issue. Yes. It's a psychology and a spiritual issue. It's not always a calculator issue. Yes. It's a psychology and a spiritual issue. It's not always a calculator issue. I want to thank producer James Childs and associate producer Kelly Daniel,

the wonderful engineers in the booth. I want to thank you, my brother Anthony O'Neill. Hey, man, thank you. Wish everybody a wonderful Thanksgiving season. This has been The of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.