The Ramsey Show - App - My Roommate Won't Communicate With Me About Our Lease (Hour 3)

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

Debt, Relationships, Career, Business As heard on this episode: Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. We'll talk also about your work, your relationships, the whole nine yards. We're here to help you and give you hope and a clear path forward. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, John Deloney.

The phone number to jump in is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Let's go to Austin, Texas, where Michelle joins us. Michelle, how can we help? Hi, thank you where Michelle joins us. Michelle, how can we help? Hi. Thank you for taking my call. So I had a question just regarding my roommate's situation. The past year has been a real roller coaster, and the lease is coming up to an end on Sunday.

My roommate isn't communicating with me and hasn't paid her September rent still, and it's the 22nd now, and she's blocked me. So I'm just wondering how to kind of go about this situation, and I don't know if I should confront her in person or what really to do. I'm going to jump ahead in front of John on that one. Yes. Literally, my question was, is she still sleeping in the same place? Did she brick your door? Like, how do you block somebody in real life?

Y'all live in the same room. And you answered it for me. Should you talk to her in person? God Almighty, please help all of us. Yes. Yes. me should you talk to her in person god almighty please help all of us yes yes um so i've actually moved out um and i think she's moving the rest of her stuff out today but i know but you're guessing just go over and have a human interaction a polite respectful dignified one and if she acts like a

maniac or a jerk you can say hey you don't have permission to talk to me that way um here is a letter that says here's your notice that you're going to be moving out and then you have peace in your heart and you go around about your day but you have so much chaos in your heart because you don't have real information because you haven't had a real human conversation with another real human. What happened? Yeah. Like, what happened with her? What happened with you two to where you feel like you can't just go, hey, look. What are you doing? We don't have to like each other.

We're certainly not going to live together anymore, but can you be a big girl, put your big girl pants on, and pay your part of the rent? Like, what happened to where you're so terrified of that? She's just a very mean and ugly person. I've confronted her about things in person before and it got really ugly. So like, that's kind of why I'm scared. Yeah, I guess. Let me tell you this.

Are you, are you unsafe? Um, just like, just her words are super, super hurtful. Okay. So there is a middle ground between no communication and the words you've used it a couple of times, which is to confront. The gap in between is just a conversation. That can start instead of, hey, you haven't paid rent. What's been going on? Why'd you block me? Hey, are you okay?

How are you? I haven't talked to you in a long time. And I want to, I miss talking to you. Are you okay? I care about you. Yeah. In one of those conversations, your body responds. It dumps adrenaline, cortisol into your bloodstream.

You start uptaking glucose because your body's ready to fight somebody. And you don't have to get there. If you're not safe, if you think you're going to get hurt physically, don't show up there. When you took on a business arrangement with somebody, you took on that discomfort. You need to have that conversation. And if she says mean things, you can turn around and walk away in person and say, you're not going to talk to me that way. Thank you very much. Yeah.

And then be on about your day. Yeah. And here's the deal. John's absolutely right. And if you do all the things he tells you and she still comes at you hot, you can't fix that. No. She's trying to make this difficult for her own reasons. And maybe some of she doesn't even know why she's doing it.

That's John's area. But I'll say this. I would stay very calm. I'd say, look, there are repercussions to this. I'm going to pay my part. You got to pay your part. I'm not going to bother you ever again. I'm not trying to get in your business.

Hope you're okay. I hope you're okay. I'm so sorry for anything that I've done. Just go real blanket here, really easy. And let's go, hey, we hey, you need to do this thing. So I'm just trying to facilitate you. Let's get a clean, fresh start. And if you've already moved out, then walk away.

If you've moved out and you signed this lease and subleased it, then you owe that money. You can sue her for it. You can go through all the drama, or you can learn a hard lesson, and then you can move through all the drama or you can learn a hard lesson yeah and you can move on about your day yeah and again you hear me again our voices check you can get amped up nobody makes good decisions when they're amped up calm is contagious coming in low as you possibly can and say here's the reality of our situation and let's move on with our day yeah

yeah and and john let me ask you this, because from a professional standpoint, when she does that, she takes the power away from this gal. This gal has definitely made a power play. The nastiness and all that, whether she's hurting or not, it's a power play. And it's working. I mean, Michelle's really, really hurt. That's right. She's shaken up.

I'm not going to give somebody that level of power over my life. I agree. I'm not going to let the guy driving next to me who has just cut me off, I'm not going to give him access to my blood pressure.

I'm not. I'm not going to give him access to being angry and yelling at my kids when I get home because I'm all amped up and fired up because someone didn't drive the way I wanted them to. I'm not going to give them

that access to me. If they put me in a position where they want to fight me, I'm going to walk away because I'm a grown up. You know what I mean? I'm not going to engage in that. That's just a waste of my time and energy. And so I get to control what I'm bringing to the situation. And the only other option outside of that is I need to get something out of that house

and I'm in danger of being physically harmed. That's right. Then I'm going to bring the police with me. That's right. Other than that, I'm just not going to get people I am in danger of being physically harmed. That's right. Then I'm going to bring the police with me. That's right. Yeah. Other than that, I'm just not going to get people access to me in that way. Yeah. And that's where, and so that's easier said than done.

Absolutely. But we've got to detach ourselves. In this situation, Michelle's got to detach herself from all the mean and hurtful things and realize she's playing me. Yeah. I don't have to know everything. I don't have to be a psychiatrist and figure it out. What I do know is she's playing me.

She's been nasty. I can't fix that. I need her rent or else I'm on the line. And that's the issue. A lot of folks get engaged with somebody who's nasty, whether it's a boss, whether it's a spouse, whether it's a roommate. And we spend a lot of energy wondering what it is about us that is invoking the nasty what is it about me that is making you treat me this way and that's a wrong way to approach a relationship issue

that's me thinking i'm deficient and i'm trying to get you to solve it and the way to flip that on its head is to say i'm a person of dignity You're going to treat me with respect and you're not going to talk to me in this way. And if you are yelling at me, that means you've got an issue. Not me. See, that's great. Does that make sense? It's not my problem to solve for you. It makes total sense, but I think that most of us screw that up.

Yeah. If you have a boss that's treating you like a jerk, the problem is with your boss. Now, if your boss calls you in and says, the work you turned in is garbage. it's not good, you need to up, then that's your problem to solve. But if they yell at you, they belittle you, they act like it, that's their problem. And the decision from this point on is your choice to make, right?

That's good. Boy, that's really good. And that's how you kind of take that attack and not let it sting so much. And since this is the Ramsey Show, you know an awesome way to detach yourself is not owe anybody anything and have a fully funded emergency fund. Yeah, and don't rely on a roommate if you don't have to. I'm going to walk away. That keeps it pretty free, too.

Have a great afternoon. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. All right, folks, don't move. More of your phone calls coming up. He is John Deloney. I'm Ken Coleman, and this is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Christi Wright.

Y'all, let's be honest. When it comes to our quiet time with God, sometimes it's hard to know where to start. You've heard me talk about the Glorify app before, and there's a reason. For me, it has been a game changer, helping me grow in my faith every day. Every morning, Glorify guides me through God's Word with a bite-sized Bible reading, a daily devotional, and a guided reflection that helps me connect with God. And it's free to download. So if you haven't already, give Glorify a try. Just search for Glorify in your app store. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show, where you get answers, where you get a clear path, where you get hope to move forward in your life. We're thrilled that you've joined us.

I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, John Deloney. The phone number to jump in is 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Let's go to Raleigh, North Carolina, where Trey joins us. Trey, how can we help? Hello, Trey joins us. Trey, how can we help? Hello, Trey. All right. We will put Trey on hold. Trey's like, I'm thinking about this question for a moment,

and I'm too impatient. So now let's go to – Is Trey back? Is Trey back? All right, we're going to try it again. Hello, Trey. Hey, how's it going, guys? Hey-o back? All right, we're going to try it again. Hello, Trey. Hey, how's it going, guys? Hey.

Fantastic. How can we help? Good, good. Need a little bit of help here. We all do, man. We all do. What's up? I'm in the security industry, and I've managed to get a great city job, great benefits and pay.

And after about two years, I realized that I'm in the wrong role. I'm not able to showcase my best skills. I've applied for those particular jobs and promotions and wasn't selected for an interview, not even within my own department, but with it being a state job and benefits and the pay is higher here than other companies in my area for what I do. I'm 25 and I don't know what to do, but I'm not happy in this role. Okay, well, let's start with that. You're not happy in this role, which there could know, there could be a myriad of reasons, but let's focus on the big reason.

Are you not happy in the role because of the environment, the people around you, maybe your leader, other things, there's not much opportunity there, or you're not happy in the role because you really, truly want to do something else, there's something missing in your work? What's the real driving force? Yeah, I would say that there's some things going on in the environment, but I think for the role that I do, I'm more of a human-to-human interaction. I love helping people, and I'm just not able to do that kind of just in one spot. A lot of security positions,

especially with Citi, has got a lot to do with seniority. Is the fact that you're 25 and you've been doing this for a few months or a year or two, is that playing into these folks who are getting these promotions have just been there longer than you? Or have you got some feedback that says, I'm not good at this. You don't have the skill set yet.

One of them came in around the same time as me. And, well, we came in together. Okay. And they were, you know, they kind of, you know, got, you know, were promoted and things like that. And, you know, I pretty much give everything. Well, not everything, but I give a lot, 110% to the job. Sure.

Yeah. It's stressful. But here's the deal. You don't have the juice. You like doing people-facing stuff. My guess is you're good at people skills, right? You love people. You like working with people.

You're good at people. What would you say to people. You like working with people. You're good at people. What would you say to that? Yes, absolutely. All right, then. So if you're doing that and you know you're not happy, I'm sure you've let your mind wander a little bit. Not wander. I mean wonder. What are you wondering about?

What would you do? What would you try? That's kind of where the hiccup comes. i know i deal with this all the time but but don't hiccup hiccup means you've had a thought or two but then something derails you i just want you to know without any kind of fear of failure or anything else what would you try tomorrow i said try not commit the rest of your life to what would you try if you knew you couldn't fail it was people-related work. What would you do? Oh, man. I would help the youth. You would help the youth. Now we're getting somewhere. Help the youth. Tell me. Tell me what's going on. How would you help them? What

would you be helping them with? A desire they have or a challenge they're facing? I would say both. I've gotten a lot of feedback from, you know, from people with being my age and, you know, saying that I have a great head on my shoulders and, you know, not into a lot of, you know, different things. I kind of think things through before I, you know, before I do them and look at it from all angles. So let's get more specific. A lot of people have come to me. Good. So let's get more specific. A lot of people have come to me. Good. So let's get more specific. I want you to tell me, when you said youth, you had a snapshot in your mind.

It was a Polaroid. All right, now I want you to tell me, what are the problems and challenges they're facing, the desires they have? Be super specific. Give me 30 seconds on that. Go. Just not feeling as though, you know, can they can make it you know out of their particular situation okay what situation is this poverty is it abuse alcoholism in their home talk

to me yeah i would say you know i would say poverty um you know because they grew up a certain you know a certain way um that there isn't a better way out there for them. All right. Now, I want you to keep feeling your answer. You're doing a great job. I feel like we're in your heart here. We're not in your head. I don't want you in your head.

Stay in your heart for a moment. Where are those kids at? Where are those kids hanging out in Raleigh, North Carolina? Who's serving them? A lot of them are on the streets a lot of them just are scared where are they though? are they in public schools in certain areas?

where are those kids? you've got a good snapshot of them are they hanging out at the YMCA? are they hanging out with government programs? talk to me, where are they? a lot of them actually I'm a big goer of the YMCA. You kind of get that right on the nail, right on the head. That was a total guess. Yeah, a lot of them

are there. Okay. All right. Now, we're going to move really quick. I want John to jump in too, but how much money do you make right now? About $40,000. Okay, $40,000. All right, here's the exercise for you. And I didn't tell you you're going to do this. I said this is an exercise. I want you to have a homework assignment to look into how many jobs in the Raleigh, North Carolina area pay near $40,000. It could be $45,000. It could be $38,000. I want you to just do the research.

Where those kids are hanging out, who's serving those kids? So I look at the YMCA and I go, is the YMCA hiring? If they're not hiring, it doesn't matter. What are the positions at the YMCA and what do they pay? Because they may not be hiring now, but they may hire in six months. And I'm going to get over there and use the proximity principle. What government programs, local, municipality, county government, state government, maybe use some federal funding.

What nonprofits, Christian organizations are serving those kids, and what positions do they have, and what do they pay? That's where you at least have to start. Are you tracking with me? Yes, sir. Because if I told you, Trey, that John could call somebody in Raleigh, North Carolina today, and you were going to be serving those kids, and you were going to make $40,000, how quickly would you say yes to that?

In no time, in the blink of an eye. There you go. So, Trey, I'm not saying this is going to happen overnight. Probably won't. May not happen in the next month or two. But can you get into this kind of work where you are loving on kids face-to-face, knee-to-knee, and pouring into kids that you've got some connection to? Is it possible, Trey, that you can make $40,000

or change your lifestyle to be able to do it and live comfortably on 35 if you were helping those kids? Can you do this, Trey? Yes, I could. Are you going to do it? Yes, I could. Are you going to do it? Yes, I am. My man. Ta-da.

Ken, how many people do you see get trapped with, this is what I do, in his case, I work security, and then they try to cram who and what they love doing through that lens instead of as you just unbraided it for them. Really what you want to do is help kids. And you can do that as a high school basketball coach. You can do that in the YMCA. Social worker in public schools. Social worker as a counselor.

You can do it a thousand ways. Or one of the ways you can do it is being a police officer, working security. But take the lenses off and reverse engineer this thing. It really comes down to who are the people you want to help? What's the problem they have or the desire they have? I had my head. How do you solve it? I wanted to help people with mental health, and I only was looking at it through colleges.

And I'll never forget, Dave said, John, right now you help thousands. What if we want to help millions? Yeah. And it changed my picture. I'm doing the same thing, just in a different context. Different environment. It's always about who are the people I want to help. What's the problem they have that I want to solve?

What's the solution to solve that problem that fires my soul up? Stop making it so specific. All right, don't move. More of your calls coming up. This is The Ramsey Show. It continues to amaze me how identity thieves keep finding ways to use our own identities against us. Not only do they commit crimes related to financial fraud, medical ID theft, and insurance benefit fraud, but now we have to deal with home title fraud. Thieves are using your own personal info to take ownership of your home so they can take out loans,

and you end up with a pile of debt and foreclosure notices. Over 4,000 data breaches happened in 2018, exposing 3.6 billion records. So thieves have plenty of identities to use and there's a one in five chance it will be yours. That's why Zander Insurance is the only program I use and recommend. Their plan covers all types of identity theft, and it takes over all the work if you become a victim. Visit Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. the ramsey show continues as we take your calls about your life i'm ken colman joined by my

colleague john deloney the number is triple eight eight two five five two two five that's triple eight eight two five five two two five how many times in the past year have you heard someone say, I just wish things would get back to normal? But what was normal like for you? Were you worried about money? Too much to do, not enough time to do it? You shouldn't have to go back to that when there's so much better ahead for you. But to get the life you want, you need the right game plan.

So, Ramsey Sluice has got a free live stream event on September the 28th entitled Game Plan Live. Dave Ramsey, Christy Wright, George Camel will be laying out the clear plan to make all of your money goals happen. Like how to find a vision that gets you excited. Setting healthy boundaries that keep you focused. You can have the abundant, balanced, debt-free life you want. And it all starts at Game Plan Live. To register for this free live stream, text GAMEPLAN to 33789. That's GAMEPLAN, all one word, to 33789.

All right, let's go to Ben in Chicago who is on the line to do a debt-free scream. Ben, how are you? I'm good. How about you? Well, we're doing good, but you're doing great. So talk to us. How much debt did you pay off? I paid off $45,177 in 15 months. Wow.

Getting it, Ben. Way to go, man. Come on, man. Now, what was your range of income during that time? Started at $45,000 and got up to $63,000. To $63,000? Mm-hmm. Wow. What'd you do to get the bump? I got a promotion, which helped with most of that.

And then also I was doing some side work, reffing some jiu-jitsu events. Oh, nice. Reffing jiu-jitsu events. Just curious, what does that pay per event, or is it an hourly thing? How does that work? It's per event, so it'll usually be? How does that work? It's per event. So it usually would be in the range of like $175 to $250 depending on which event you're going to. I love it. And what do you do for a living? I work in marketing.

So I'm a sales analyst for a children's book publisher. Awesome. So I'm just curious. Give me the quick version of what you did to get promoted. Yeah. So I started there just more in like a general role uh which is just kind of like as a sales assistant and within that role i was doing some side work i was trying to figure out where there were some holes in the company where they

could use some help with things and i had a pretty good background in excel so i was building some reports for them and they realized that i had a skill with that so when our role opened up for an ameth for an analyst job in the amazon team Amazon team, Ben did really well with this other stuff. I think he can help us here. Nice. Love it, man. Now, John, that right there is maximizing your role. He's looking for other areas to add value to the company,

and it led to a promotion. He didn't sit there and whine and say, why am I not getting promoted? I'm not getting promoted. He looked for a hole, solved it, and filled it. Just like vanilla ice. Checked out the hook while the DJ revolved it. Good for you, Ben.

Nice. Anytime we can get vanilla ice in a show, our work is done here. Ben, that is so fantastic, man. Really proud of you. Okay, so tell us, what was the debt consisting of? About $5,000 of the $45,000 was for a car loan and the rest was student loans. Okay, great. Around $40,000.

All right. So what kind of car you got? 2017 Hyundai Elantra. All right. All right. All right. Attaboy. Come on now. All right. So what kind of car you got? 2017 Hyundai Elantra. All right. All right. All right. Come on now. All right. So 15 months ago, you're a young guy. What led to this debt-free journey for you? What was the catalytic moment or feeling or circumstance? What happened? Yeah, so way earlier than that, I was just getting an audible subscription,

and I saw Dave Ramsey's name come up a bunch. And I didn't find any of his books then, at least i like recognized like this guy seems to know what's all about in the financial space so he had a free podcast started listening made a lot of sense so i was like you know what i think i'm actually gonna go after this and do what he's talking about awesome and so how quickly into the 15 month journey did you go oh this is definitely working i got some momentum i can do this i mean right away i had about ten thousand dollars in savings so just like getting down to baby step one and seeing the car go away immediately it was pretty nice yeah you're a jiu-jitsu player you are always thinking three or four moves ahead

and you know how to be uncomfortable to uh accomplish a goal that's fantastic which incidentally uh ben uh how long would it take you to wrap me up in a pretzel? I mean. Not long, Ben. I'm just telling you right now. Ben, you're not going to hurt my feelings. We know the answer. How quick?

Is it like 20 seconds, 15? No chance. Three at the most. Three seconds. You're a good guy. I would have no reason to do that. Oh, no. That wasn't about that. It was just how quickly can you do it. You're being very guy. I would have no reason to do that. Oh, no. That wasn't about that. It was just how quickly

can you do it. You're being very nice. Okay, Ben. You got the jump start on the $10,000. You knocked the car out, so you really did get a big jump start. What would you say to somebody young who's dealing with just the kind of normal debt that you had? What would you tell them?

Yeah, I mean, it seems like it's not that big of a deal because you're just looking at it in terms of payments. But when you actually look at how much you're paying to interest, which you're basically getting nothing out of that, you got to see how much you're paying in interest and it's going to make you mad and you're going to want to pay as fast as you can so you can limit how much interest you're paying because you're really not getting anything in exchange for it.

So this is more of a somebody's taking something from me issue and i want my i want what's mine back yeah love it yeah he's got a warrior mentality there's no mess all jiu-jitsu guys do that's why jiu-jitsu is the greatest sports i know i knew you were going to be very excited i love it yeah great stuff well ben tell people what the key is what's the key to finishing this journey? Yeah, just staying focused and making sure that you have goals to set and things to keep you motivated. So it was nice when I had the car loan I could pay off, and it's nice when you have the debt snowball.

But since I had a giant loan of $40,000 and I couldn't really complete a loan, I had to put a little poster on my wall for every $1,000, and I had to cross off every time I crossed $1,000. So it just kept me motivated the whole way through. That's fantastic. Good for you, man. And how old are you, Ben? 30. 30 years old. My goodness. Well, you are on your way. We've got two things, two books we want to send you to celebrate you. One is Dave's book entitled The Legacy Journey, because that really is the next

step for you as you become a baby steps millionaire, and you're just going to do some amazing things, young man, and create a legacy. So we're going to give that to you, and then we're going to give you a copy of Dave's book, Total Money Makeover, for you to give to somebody else that hopefully will kickstart their debt-free journey. So we want to do that for you. So thank you for sharing your story with us. Thank you. Are you ready to roll? I am. All right, this is over the phone.

That was a jiu-jitsu reference there. Well done, Ken. I didn't even know I made it. What did I say? You ready to roll? Rolling is the vernacular for, hey, you want to go to the gym and roll? That's a jiu-jitsu reference.

Ken is a ninja, everybody. I am a ninja and didn't know it. It'll come to no surprise to anybody of that. All right. Well, you're a great young man, Ben. We're so proud of you. Here you go. Ben from Chicago, Illinois, paid off $45,000 in 15 months, making $45,000 to $63,000.

Ben, this is your moment. Take it away. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two,000. Ben, this is your moment. Take it away. Let's hear a debt-free scream. 3, 2, 1. I'm debt-free! Boom! Quick, like a chop to the throat. Dude, he got in there.

Rear naked choke. Fight's over. Match is over. No time to even tap out. Take down, arm bar. Yeah, he's not messing around. Nope. I love it. Ben doesn't mess around at all. What a fantastic story, huh? And whether it's $45,000 or $450,000, the plan is the same. Yeah.

Make a decision. Yeah. Get after it. Yeah. I love when we ask that question. Everybody's got their different spin on it, and I think you nailed it. For him, it was like, wait a second. I looked at that interest deal, and he was like, uh-uh.

I'm paying that company? Yeah, you nailed it. What are we doing? I don't want to pay them as a service to pay somebody else for me. I'm just going to cut out the middle, man. I'll do it myself. Didn't it just speak to the crazy importance and value of figuring

out your why, whatever it is? If you want to get an extra degree. If you want to lose weight. If you want to have more romance in your life. You better find that why. What's that driving force? And own it. Because it's powerful. I've always,

not always, I've been wondering for the last year's powerful. I've always, not always, I've been wondering for the last year or two, as I've said on these, take these calls, take these calls, what's so hard about getting to why? And I think

if we allow ourselves to look in the mirror and answer that why question, there's no going back. You're right. And you box yourself into a corner when you see your child's face

or the one that hasn't been born yet or that you've got personal dignity to stand up for yourself or you're married or whatever the thing happens to be, if you sit down and you develop a picture for a why, you can't go back.

There is no going back. It's burning the ships. Or you've got to look in the mirror every day and say, I'm choosing to not love as deeply as I could. And we can't do that. You nailed it. Get a why. It puts you in a corner because every day you don't do it,

you go, yeah. It's an affirmative choice to hurt those we love. Good stuff. Alright, don't go anywhere. More of your calls coming up on the Ramsey Show. Welcome back to the Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, John Deloney,

and we are here for you, 888-825-5225. Today's scripture, Titus 2, 7 through 8, in everything, set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. Today's quote from the seventh president of the United States, Tennessee boy, Andrew Jackson. One man with courage makes a majority. You know, John, I've got to tell, I'm a history buff. Kelly Daniel, our associate producer, she's a big history buff as well i got to tell this quick story about andrew jackson so kelly i don't know if you've heard this

story but the audience will love this this isn't a boring history story i'm literally already asleep but continue well that's because you're i'm just kidding go ahead so andrew jackson in his old age as president was once approached by a man who tried to assassinate him in a group of people this is in was, D.C. And the man pulled out a revolver. Think about how long ago this was. And click, it doesn't fire. He pulls out a second one and fires.

It doesn't go off. By this point, Jackson now realizes, I can take this guy. He's an old man. And literally a bomb rushes the guy in front of the public with his cane and beats the man almost to death. So there's a little Andrew Jackson story. If you're going to fire at Andrew Jackson, he literally, people had to pull him off of the guy. The guy's trying to assassinate the president. He just goes and just beat him.

It was fascinating. So I picture somebody doing that to Dave. Can I be honest? I would see Dave doing that. If you tried to shoot Dave, you didn't get it. He wouldn't beat you. He'd just shoot you back. Yeah, I think, yeah.

He doesn't have a cane. No, no cane. But I think that's a fantastic Andrew Jackson story. He was the president? Yeah, at the time. He was an actual president when it happened. This is the old days, dude. It's the Wild West.

You know what I mean? Someone could just walk up. There wasn't secret service. So there you go. All right. I don't know if anybody's life is better for that, but I gave it to you, and there's a great story for your next cocktail party in Tennessee. It's a great connector for our financial coach.

You come to Tennessee. You meet somebody from Tennessee. There's your icebreaker. You're welcome. Now they get it. You're not going You're welcome. Now they get it. You're not going to believe this. Now they get it. Yeah.

Anna is up in Cleveland, Ohio. Anna, how can we help? Hi, Ray. Thank you for taking my call. You bet. So I just finished. I just graduated from college in December. And I feel like I'm in a unique situation.

I guess everybody does. I wasn't able to do an internship because of COVID. And then on top of that, I've been looking for a new job just to help pay the bills. And I left an abusive relationship earlier in May. And with how it ended, I had called the police. And because of the nature of my ex, he fabricated a police report against me that I came and beat him up. And I have all the evidence in the world that I wasn't there. I could have a literal video of me at like walking into a hotel.

But so I'm trying to apply for new jobs and like I was this degree and everything, but I'm really worried about how I'm going to be perceived with this charge on my record because it's not who I am at all, and everybody who knows me would know that, but I can't prove that to a new employer, and so I'm just really not sure how to go about this because it feels pretty defeating. Yeah, that's heavy, and I hate that that happened to you. I'm glad that you had the courage and the strength and support

to leave that abusive relationship and get rid of that nonsense. You're worth more than that, and I'm glad you walked away. And unfortunately, we live in a world where anybody, anytime, can lob any accusation, any sort of anything, against any of us. They can file a suit for any number of reasons, and we have to rely on the process and the people involved in that process. So most of the time, and I say 95, 99% of the time, a job is going to ask you, have you ever been convicted of?

And your answer to that will be no, because anybody can file any sort of thing against anybody at any time. And you will truthfully and honestly answer, no, I haven't been convicted of anything. And if they happen to say, are you under investigation for anything, and you feel like having that conversation, and you can say, I left an abusive relationship and it's currently in investigation right now. But I am, everything is just fine. Anna, could you give us a quick update? John, I just want some 401. You keep going.

But is the matter solved now and he just, he kind of put out and the police showed up to investigate because they have to? Is this thing still open, investigation, or is it done? It's still going through pre-trial and trial yeah so it'll be an event it'll be its own thing i got you okay yeah and that stinks my guess is um

it yeah depending it it probably won't make it out of it probably won't even make it to trial i can just tell you right now if you've got video shows that you were not there uh unless your lawyer is a complete buffoon and you can't show the judge that, I want to encourage your heart. John's right. That'll probably get thrown out. What kind of job are you looking for? Well, I think really anything that pays more than what I'm doing right now. I just graduated with an urban planning and development degree, but I'd love to work with a nonprofit.

I have a couple ideas in mind. I would like to do stuff with community development and housing. I'd like to be an appraiser, and then on the opposite end, be a florist. Very cool. Okay. So how old are you? Do you mind me asking your age? Yeah, I'm 30.

Okay. Very cool. So you've got this mix of things, and I think that right now, before you search for any of those, I want you to kind of take a little bit of time to get clear on this. Unless you're just in dire straits financially, are you in some kind of a hurry to get a different job than the one you have now, other than the fact that you just don't like it and it's a J-O-B? I love my job, actually. And they're super supportive of it.

I'm like employee of the year, and they're awesome. It's just, yeah. It's just not the work you want to do long term. It's more so it just doesn't pay. I only make like $25,000 to $30,000 a year, and it was the job that i just got when i moved okay okay great but here's the good news the reason i asked that question you answered it you love it right now so we don't have to be in a hurry so when i hear planning and urban

development that's what you went to get your degree in you had some interest there we could at least say that right um i don't know how much your heart's involved with that, but then we talk about florist, and then what was the other one? I'd like to do appraising. Okay, so here's what I want you to do. Here's the deal. I'm going to give you a copy, a free copy of my book,

The Proximity Principle, okay? And I want you to read it and do it. And here's the deal. It's for people who know what they want to do, they're just not quite sure the best way to get there. And you've got these multiple ideas, and it's going to work for's for people who know what they want to do. They're just not quite sure the best way to get there. And you've got these multiple ideas, and it's going to work for you. And here's what I want you to do. It's going to really hold you accountable.

But I want you to go hang out with a florist or two. And I mean hang out. I mean, like, not just coffee or lunch. Say, could I shadow you for half a day? I'll actually help for free. I just want to get a sense. I want to get in here and get my hands dirty. And I want to feel what it's like. I want my heart to be able to register what it actually is like to be a sense. I want to get in here and get my hands dirty, and I want to feel what it's like. I want my heart to be able to register

what it actually is like to be a florist. So you're going to get a lot of head knowledge, but you're going to get a lot of heart knowledge as well. And I want you to do the same thing with an appraiser. You've got to know somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who appraises. Nobody wants to shadow them, trust me. So they'll

do it. And I want you to sample this work do you understand what i'm saying before we start looking for anything else and i think that will help you in this season with this this whole court mess going on before we go looking for something let's be pretty darn clear about what we're looking for does that make sense yeah and anna i want to tell you something and listen to me real carefully, okay? When you roll out of an abusive relationship, everything about everybody is that they're scary and they're going to hurt you.

Because somebody said he loved you and then he hurt you. Is that right? Mm-hmm. The only way, and this is what makes abuse so evil, the only way to heal is through relationship with other people, which means you've got to risk again. You've got to trust again. So get a group of people around you, whether it's one, two, or three, or four people. Get an attorney that you trust. Trust the judge to do the right thing and lean back into relationship.

You're worth it. I'm so proud of you for being brave. Now you've got to go take the next steps. Great stuff. Always good to be with you, pal. Good to see you, man. He's John Deloney. I want to thank our producer, James Childs,

our associate producer and call screener, Jenna Sears, and you, America. This is The Ramsey Show. Did you know you can listen to The Ramsey Show on your smart speaker? Just tell Alexa, Google Assistant, or Siri to play The Ramsey Show podcast. Check out all Ramsey Network shows on your smart speaker today.