The Ramsey Show - App - My Sister Is Setting Impossible Family Boundaries (Hour 1)

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Dr. John Deloney, here with my good friend and world-famous co-host, Mr. Anthony O'Neill. Anthony, how are we doing? Hey, man, I really appreciate that intro, man. I mean, I didn't pay you for that. I thought you were a local talent. You are not.

You are worldwide. John, man, you are amazing right now. Keep going. I'm following in your footsteps, my good man. You have blazed a trail. But we are here to take your calls on life and money. Give us a shout at 888-825- 5225. That's 888-

825-5225. You got anything planned coming up? No, man. Right now, it's just a beautiful time. Enjoying the day. Enjoying tomorrow. Looking forward to playing some golf tomorrow. You know, it's the last, one of the last weekends before we can actually get into some cold weather.

And so I don't play golf with anything less than 50-degree weather. Man, I love sitting next to a good Fairweather fan, good Fairweather sports person, man. All right, let's get to the phones. Let's go to Jonathan in Pensacola, Florida. Jonathan, good afternoon. How are we doing? Good afternoon, gentlemen. Thanks for taking my call.

You bet. How can we help? I'm a 21-year-old business admin student that is nearing the conclusion of my academic career and preparing to launch into full-time work life. Over the past two decades, my parents have helped me to build a substantial savings account into which I've placed every paycheck to earn since I was 15 years old. I have no debt and have not owned a credit card to date. I plan to after finishing college and I'm willing and able to pay cash for the vehicle. My parents advised me to reach out

to you to inquire if financing a small portion of the vehicle purchase dollar amount and paying it off soon thereafter would be the best way to start building a credit score. Your advice is most appreciated. Oh man, I appreciate it. You sound like a very sharp, young man. Let's just say that. Educated. Your grammar is 10 times better than mine. 20 times better than mine, Jonathan. You're an oppressive guy. You know what I'm saying? You have a lot. How much money do you have saved up right now, Jonathan?

I have an excess of $20,000 in my savings account. Goodness gracious. Okay. $20,000. You're going to graduate debt-free? Yeah. What kind of car are you thinking about buying, John? Yes. I'm thinking of buying a Toyota Corolla. My family has owned those, and it's a very wise decision from what I've seen.

It's very. Toyota products are very, very reliable products. What year are you thinking about buying? Years. By the time I would be buying the vehicle, it would be at least one or two years old. I want to get used so I don't get hit with depreciation. Wise man, wise man. So let me ask you this question because your question is a fair question, and I want you to think about this answer. If you have cash, why do you need a credit score?

Good question. My parents were talking about to me because I have plans of my own eventually. I'm currently 21 years old, but I'd like to get an apartment and like to buy a house when I'm older. And I know that you need a credit score for both of those things. That's the reason for my question. If it would be wise to take out a small loan for how I could pay cash and just pay that off. That way I can start building a credit score at my very young age. Cool. So let me help you out. Jonathan,

when I was your age, man, at 21, 22 years old, my answer is by 18, 19. I had a new mindset at 21. I thought the same thing that I

have to have a credit score one to be a young man to to be successful three so I can get an apartment or a mortgage. And what I did just like you, I said, Hey, let me get a $500 credit card. So I can be a young man so I can get my credit score up. So I can get an apartment easy so I can get a mortgage eventually. And that was the wrong decision for myself. And so with you calling into the show, I just want to hip you up on some game a little bit. You do not need a credit score to be successful. Number one, you do not need a credit score to get an apartment. Number two, and you do not need a credit score to get a mortgage. Now, let me be honest with you on the flip side. With you not having a credit score, will you have to put down

maybe a little bit more money on your apartment? Yes. Instead of you paying the first month rent, you're going to pay first month and last month rent. And some people may require extra deposit, but that's fine because you sit with money in a bank account. When you grow up and you are ready to get a mortgage, there are some things called a manual underwriting or non-traditional credit scores or no credit score lending. And what these banks would do is they will pull up your previous apartment and ask you for proof, showing that you've paid your apartment on time, showing that you've paid this on time. And so to answer your question, to be fair with your question, no. I would go pay cash for the car, and instead of forgetting one or two years,

I would do like a three- to four-year-old car. And that's what I just recently did, bought a four-year-old vehicle and saved me a lot of money. And then from there, here's how you're going to win, Jonathan, because I think you're going to be a homeowner within the next three to five years. I am okay with you financing a home when it comes to a 15-year fixed rate and putting 10 to 20% down. I want you to keep the same mindset that you have right now with saving your money and living below your means. And as long as you

come up with 10 to 20% down, you will find a bank that will finance you and give you a home mortgage. And you will have to look around to find some apartment complexes. But John, this is the same mindset that a lot of people have, especially in this age bracket that I have to have a credit score to be successful and to get into an apartment. No. Now, there will be some that will tell them, no, we cannot rent to you. And that's okay. Right.

But there are several apartment complexes. When they see you have no debt, you got $20,000 in account, they will rent to them. That's right. And Jonathan, you are already setting the stage for what's going to be an uncommon life. Yeah. Right? You are a planner. You are thinking things through.

You've got cash in the bank as a 21-year-old. You're going to graduate debt-free as a 21-year-old. Let's go. You're already weird. Yes. Right? And so you're joining a gang of weird people. Yes.

Living weird. And I don't want you to subscribe to traditional living when it comes to being a slave to the fico score getting in line behind everybody else doing the same things no man you're different jonathan and hey here's the deal your parents love you they love you they are trying to do the best they can by you and so we don't need to hate on them we don't need to say mom and dad you're an idiot no they're not're not. They're trying to do the best they can. And you called into the show, and you got some different wisdom. You're way ahead of the game, man.

And tell your mom and dad to watch this show. Watch this segment with Dr. D and myself. And then also to just go do some research. But I want to encourage you, brother. Nearly 48% of the people in the world today can't afford a $400 emergency. This young man got $20,000 sitting in their account. I can guarantee you there are millions and millions and millions of grown adults with families that don't have $20,000 in their checking account. Jonathan, you're ahead of the game, my man. Yes, I want to jump through the screen and just hug you, bro.

Like, I'm so pumped right now. Young man with this kind of money. Get yourself a great... He's already down on the Corolla, man. That's what I'm saying. Jonathan, you gotta start it off right today. Listen, America, get a Corolla. Put some money in the bank. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Over the years, I've seen so many families suffer by not having life insurance.

It's not that they didn't care. It's just that they didn't know, so they did nothing. That's a huge mistake. Listen, husbands and wives, moms and dads, think about it. If you died, how would your family pay the bills, the mortgage, food, and plan for a better future? This is what life insurance is all about, and term life is the only way to go. It's not expensive, and it's not complicated. Stop wasting money on cash value plans.

You need 10 to 12 times your income in protection and I recommend 15 or 20 year level plans. I also only recommend Zander Insurance and I have for over 20 years. These are the only people I personally use and they only offer the plans i recommend call them at 800-356-4282 or get instant quotes online at zander.com trust me these simple steps will let your family know how much you care This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by my co-host and good friend, Anthony O'Neill. We are taking your calls about life and money. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Let's go to Jenny in Seattle, Washington. Jenny, how are we doing this afternoon? Hi, guys. It's good to Jenny in Seattle, Washington. Jenny, how are we doing this afternoon? Hi, guys. It's good to meet you in person. I'm a long-time listener, first-time caller. And I have kind of an emotional versus financial question for you. My mom passed away in September from cancer. I'm sorry.

Thank you. It's been really hard to lose her. I'm an only child and we've always been very close. And I'm also a single parent myself and have been my son's whole life. So she was a very strong role for both of us. And so that's been really tough, especially this year. She did leave me enough financially to pay off the remainder of my debt. I was in that baby step and had maybe about two years left on my own plan. And now I'm debt-free and have some liquidity I didn't have previously. And it's leading me to consider quitting my job. I love the job that I do. I'm an accounting manager, but it's very

high stress and demanding. And I've only been able to take about one week off after my mom's death and heading into my busy season. It's just, it's overwhelming. She also left me her house in addition to some liquid assets and trying to just unwind her house and decide what to do with it and get it in order and just find time to process grief. I'm finding myself considering quitting, and I'm a certified management accountant. If I were to go get my master's degree, I could get my CPA, Certified Public Accountant license, and move into public accounting, which is also very demanding, but built to better allow time off than the private industry I'm in. And I just don't want to make poor financial choices. Doing

what I do for a living, I generally know the best choices and listening to the show, but I'm very emotional and urban in my decisions right now and just wanted to call in since you guys really cover both of those ends of the spectrum. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for your trust and for your call. Yeah. Let's start with the money part here. Yeah, break it down for me a little bit more, Jenny. How much are you getting within the inheritance?

Yeah, so liquid is about $550,000. $300,000 of that is in an inherited IRA, so I'll have to drain that over the next 10 years with the CARES Act. Yes. And then the rest is just brokerage and cash accounts. Also, look at her house. It's got no mortgage on it, and it's worth a little under $500,000. I went ahead and had an appraisal done to protect from capital gains in the future if i do

have to sell it but i emotionally i'd like to keep it i just haven't thought through what makes sense with that yet um so you're looking at almost a million dollars in inheritance right now between yeah yep house and she also left behind, she wrote knitting pattern books for a living, and so she's left behind her digital assets and the business, and that they will continue to sell at a lower volume than when she was alive, of course, but that will be a continued income stream in the future. Yeah. And so right now, from a financial perspective, you're in a good, healthy place. You said you're debt free, correct? Yep. Okay. And do you already have a fully funded emergency fund? I do. Okay, cool. Great. And then you're already living in a house that you want to live in for the next few years? Yeah. Now I have two houses all of a sudden and that's- I love it. It's hard to know what to do there.

Here's something I'm going to recommend that is, I believe it's really going to be up to you. I think right now you have a great heart. I want John to talk into the emotional side because I think the practical side, when it comes to the finances you have now, here's something that I would recommend from a financial practical perspective, since that's your mom's house and you want to keep that from an emotional standpoint, rent it. Maybe fix it up. Make it look real nice. You're sitting on $500,000.

Fix it up and rent it out. Let it generate you and your family some income. Then what I would do is I would jump on the phone with one of our smart investors and tell them, hey, I got $550,000. $300,000 is going to be coming from a mutual fund. And I just want to make sure I got to pull it out. But what can I reinvest that into to make me some more money? We don't have enough time to really dissect that here on the phone call. But I would definitely recommend that you do that.

But, I mean, and honestly, take a little bit of that and maybe treat you and your family out somewhere. But I would definitely jump on the phone and figure out out of this $550,000, what can I do with $450,000 of that to turn that into a million down the road? And then the $500,000 in the house, I'm going to sit here, how can I fix that up a little bit, get it rentable, and then rent that out and allow that to generate some extra income for my family and I. But before we do this, we do have to make sure we're in a healthy place emotionally. Right. So, Jenny, you said something that stuck out to me, and I think it's going to be the foundation by which you make all of the decisions, and that is you got a week off, and then you had to get right back into it.

And the guy who raised me on crisis response was also somebody that I went to as a personal mentor. And when I had a personal tragedy, I was also in, um, in the hunt for another job. And he gave me some wisdom that has, I've continued to live by, which is now that you've had this tragedy, you will make no major decisions for six months to a year until you're well, because any and all decisions you're going to make are going to be emotion-based decisions. They're going to be running from not to, right? You found yourself flush with cash. You have found yourself in a unique situation that you didn't foresee, but you also haven't dealt with the grief of your mom. And so before you go quit your job, man, you may have just,

it may be a great thing to do. You've got cash to go get yourself a master's degree to, to move yourself into a different situation. That'd be awesome. Um, but until you fully have that lined out until you've actually processed your mom's grief and it's not going to go away in six months, right? That's going to be a, a ongoing thing until you've actually processed your mom's grief. And it's not going to go away in six months, right? That's going to be a, a, an ongoing thing until you've got some, a platform for you and your, your child as a single mom, till you've got those things lined out. I would recommend don't jump, jump, don't jump ship.

Cause I don't want you to find yourself a month from now or two months from now, the smoke is clearing from the crazy season, right? And you've spent some money and you're a semester into a graduate program and then you're going to be thinking, what did I do? Right. Um, and so do this. Do you have a group of, of folks that you can talk to? Do you have a friend? Do you have a couple of folks that you are in regular connection with out there in Seattle? I do. How have they supported you through this time? Hearing me, literally hearing me talk it out and that kind of thing and support. My company is big enough. We're a multi-state and have about 400 employees that there's leave options in place. But ultimately, there is no backup for my role.

So I have this intense sense of responsibility. I really cling to the areas I own at work, and it's all deadline-driven and tax filing and audits and year-end. And there's literally no person trained to cover that if I'm out for more than a week. And I'm new in my current role this year. I've been there eight years. I've worked my way up to this. I've had the same boss for that period, and he's been good, and he's newly in a CFO role. And it's obviously been very challenging here for all businesses. So I have this intense sense of not being able to let

go because there's nobody to unload it on. So I feel as if those leave policies don't apply to me. But listen, Jenny, listen, listen. The person you're unloading it on is you. The person you're unloading it on is your kid. The person you're unloading it on is those men and women who love you and care for you there in Seattle. And so for the next few months, the next few seasons, your work does not get your first fruits. You do.

Your work doesn't get your heart and soul. Your child does. And that's going to mean talking to your boss. He's a new leader. He's a new CFO. It's time for him to step up, and he's going to find out what leadership is all about because his rock star, his anchor is going to come to him and say, I'm not well.

I need to process my mom. I need 60 days. I need 30 days, and I know it's in the year. I know it's busy, and I know it's an inopportune time. And you're going to find out if this is the company you're going to work for a long term or if this is a company that you don't want to be a part of. But it's right now. It's time for you to turn the dial back and look in the mirror and say, Jenny's worth investing in. My family's worth investing in. And I need to grieve that wonderful,

wonderful mom who raised me and cared for me and my son. What a blessing. Spend some time on you. Take that lead policy and let the rest go. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined here by my co-host and good friend, Anthony O'Neill. Let's go to Rebecca out in Buffalo, New York. Rebecca, how's it going? Hey, I'm great. How are you? Outstanding. How can we help today? Good. Well, I had a question about boundaries. I've listened to your show quite a bit, and I hear you talk a lot about setting boundaries, especially with family and especially around the holidays. But I was just wondering if you could maybe address how to be on the flip side of that when somebody sets a boundary that makes the rest of the family kind of uncomfortable and awkward.

Hey, this is the first time I've ever been asked the other side of the boundary question. I love this, Rebecca. Anthony, it's going to be good. All right, go for it, Rebecca. Well, my sister is kind of going through like a bit of a, I don't know, midlife crisis or something. And she's made it very clear to the rest of the family that she's not willing to talk

to any of us about anything that's going on in her life. And we're not allowed to ask her any personal questions at all. Okay. And so i'm kind of dreading might be too strong of a word but i'm not really looking forward to like thanksgiving sitting around the table you know all of us all together and none of us are allowed to have

a kind of conversation with her um you know we got to constantly filter like is this too personal is she going to get mad if i ask this what about this you know so what what about just not asking her questions that just seems rude well it would be except that she told you don't ask me any questions about my life and is it going to be annoying yes and is it fair for you to say hey we get that you asked us not to do this this is new for us and so we're going to ask you to remind us right because we're going to forget we're going to stumble over this because we love you and care about you but we want to respect that you've said don't ask us any questions and so we're going to try if we forget if we lean over during dinner and we just ask this one question and then just give us a hand signal say i really

don't want to talk about that give us some grace and i think you deserve that right but at the end of the day it sounds like she's made uh thanksgiving a little bit easier and she has said this part's off limits and it's annoying and it's, but it kind of is what it is. What do you think, Anthony? But, Rebecca, I want to ask this question, too. What does she say is off limits specifically? Does she say her life or this part of my life? Well, I mean, like, we can talk about, like, our childhood, like, you know, childhood memories and stuff like that.

But it's just, like, we're all concerned about her and what she's going through. Is she dating someone you all don't like? Or is she working at a job you don't like? What's the thing? We don't know. She's still married, but she's not with her husband. She moved to a different state, and I'm not sure what state. She has a job that I don't know anything about.

I don't even know what she's doing right now. So here's, here's a, here's a great gift you can give her. Yeah. And I hope everybody hears this often when we love people and they're going through pain, the way we love to lean into that pain. And this is, this is coming from a good place. Most of the time, not always, but most of the time is we want to give them our wisdom, our experience and our advice. And one of the greatest gifts you can give to somebody who's hurting is your presence and just your sitting next to them until they invite you in to, Hey, what should I do here? Cause my guess is your sister's struggling with shame your sister's struggling with you her fancy sister Rebecca's got a great marriage and everything's working out awesome and mom and dad

don't like fill in the blank and so instead of leaning into hey I really want to know what's going on so I could help you she has said in a roundabout way the way you can help me is sit by me at Thanksgiving and let's not get into that kind of stuff i just want to be with you guys the fact that she's showing up i want to give her the benefit of the doubt there the easier thing probably would have been to not come at all and so she's coming and the greatest gift you can give her is distraction laughter and warmth and presence and my guess is if you give her that, those things equate to safety. And when suddenly she doesn't feel judged by you,

she feels safe, then she's going to slowly say, hey, here's my situation. Right? And so the challenge for you is going to not be to bang your head and your arms and legs and elbows and knees up against that boundary that she's put up.

And instead, 100% respect it and just give her joy and peace. And once she invites you in, then you can slowly give your opinions and thoughts and insights. What do you think, Anthony? I'm a play the devil's advocate on this for Rebecca. And I'm not, and I'm saying this because I'm just, I'm just saying like, Hey, I'm going to put, I'm putting myself because I'm just saying like hey I'm putting myself into your sister's shoes

one of the key things that I Thanksgiving is coming up and so I'm not looking forward to going to my family's house only because of one question what's that one question everyone's going to ask me John why are you still single? That's right. You know what I'm saying? And to me, my respectful answer to them is, it's none of your business. So what if, Anthony, what if you preemptively sent a note out to everybody and said, this year, I don't want to talk about being single.

I love you guys, and we're just going to talk about other things yeah and that's my thing like yo let's just have a conversation bro man congrats on the book or hey man I see you doing this like talk about something that is like what you said and inviting that it doesn't make me feel shameful because sometimes my family members I know they have

the right intentions and that they love me but sometimes when I hear when you're single, well, maybe you need to do ABC. That's right. And I don't want to come around you because you want to give me your opinion, but you don't live my life. So we're saying the same thing. Yes, we're saying the same.

And so what I'm saying to you is, Rebecca, like when she comes, hug your sister, you know, embrace your sister. Talk about your family. Talk about, you know know how good god has been to the whole family you know if if she if her hair is different compliment her hair girl what are you doing in the gym you look good give me that ingredient you know make her feel accepted make her feel welcomed and then i agree with john more than likely she won't bring it up this time because she's fearful um of if she does bring up, then everybody's going to have an opinion.

Because that happens to me every single Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mama, my sister, my brother, my brother-in-law, even now my nephews. Uncle Anthony, you ain't married yet. You know what I'm saying? So I don't want it to come up. So your sister, whatever's going on in her world, she doesn't want it to come up. You know what I'm saying? So I don't want it to come up. So your sister, whatever's going on in her world, she doesn't want it to come up. You know why? Because I want to enjoy my family, and I don't want to feel like the odd one.

I don't want to feel like the one that is unhealthy in the situation because of this current part of my life. So I'm not the expert. This is John's area. You are an expert because you experience it, right? Yeah. You're in it. I'm just saying from a practical perspective, like, you know, hey, sometimes we just want to go and just laugh and just eat all the turkey, eat all the ham, you know, and just

be unhealthy for a chance in a good way. So Rebecca, do you have other brothers and sisters? Yes, there's a brother between the two of us, yep. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to take the lead on this one, and I want you to reach out to your brother and say, our sister's asked us not to talk about certain things. We have one goal, and that is to laugh like we have never laughed before. Yes.

Come up with funny stories. Write them down. We're going to proactively think of funny things from our childhood. We're going to proactively prank Dad. We're going to proactively create an environment where she feels safe. She feels totally welcome. And here's the thing. She may be involved in things y'all don't agree with, y'all don't like,

you're worried about her. If you create an environment of safety, she'll invite you in. Absolutely. She will. Eventually. May not be that deadly. It probably won't be. Yeah, it probably won't be.

But it will circle back, and even if it never does, she has drawn a boundary. And I love the fact, Rebecca, you just made my heart feel good, because all across the country I've heard this over and over and over. People are, for the first time, Anthony, drawing boundaries. I'm worried about COVID. I'm not coming. Or if you don't wear a mask, I don't want you at my table. Or, or,

or. All these different boundaries are being drawn for the first time this year. And if your input, I mean, if your default setting is to run up and shove that boundary and see if it's going to hold, you're just going to bring tension to Thanksgiving. We need no more tension. No more tension.

If somebody puts up a boundary, even if you don't agree with it or believe in it, honor them, seek peace, seek laughter, seek safety over Thanksgiving. Rebecca, good for you. You're a good sister. I love it. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, good folks. It's the most wonderful time of the year. Believe it or not, Christmas is just around the corner.

I can't even believe that, Anthony. Christmas is just around the corner. I can't even believe that, Anthony. Christmas is just around the corner. You heard it here first. You heard it here first, as though it's going to pop up on the calendar at a strange day. No matter what this year has brought you, Christmas is still coming, and to celebrate, we're giving away cash all season long.

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Let's go to Amanda in Lexington, Texas. Amanda, how are we doing? I'm good. How are you? Good deal. How can we help today? Yeah. My husband and I had an income increase this year, which has allowed us to do a lot of

our financial goals, including Baby Step 4. Let's go. Wait. So hold on, Amanda. this has been the worst year ever in the history of the universe planet ever yes but you got extra income what happened my husband completed his master's degree and stepped into the position of nurse practitioner attaboy way to go and you who've been putting him through grad school and full-time, do you get to breathe a little bit now? Well, sort of, but I had the fourth baby this year.

Oh, Amanda, good for you guys. Y'all have been into it. So how much was your increase? So we went from about $60,000 to about $98,000. Okay. So we have a $98,000 household income in the year of 2020, correct? Yes. Yes.

Okay. So you've already maxed out your babysitter number four, which is investing 15% of your gross income into a 401k or into a growth stock mutual fund invested into an IRA, correct? Yes. Okay. into a growth stock mutual fund invested into an IRA, correct? Yes. Okay, how much? This is where we kind of had the question because we're in a house right now that we own. I've been here almost five years, and we fit. It's not dire that we move, but that is a goal, hopefully in the next few years.

But then also we have four daughters, and I think my husband is starting to feel the crunch of saving for them. That's probably not the only crunch he's feeling right now. That's a lot of women in that house, huh? Yes. Bless him. He's a great girl daddy. Good for him.

Yeah, so just trying to figure out how to balance whether we save for the next round payment or even put extra towards our current mortgage or whether to start accounts you know for weddings and school and things like that for the gold or whether to try to do both or and amanda i love this question uh because i think it's a it's a fair question to ask and this is the probably probably the most normal question we get when people get a significant pay raise, they immediately start to look at how do I use this? And I think on one hand, it's a fair question. On the other hand, it's for me, I'm not asking myself, how do I use this? I actually give myself two years in that significant pay raise before I make an actual huge financial moves.

So prime example, when I came here to join the speaker's team, my income went up significantly. But I lived for literally about three years. Yeah, about three years on my youth pastor salary before coming here. That's how I was able to do the things financially I'm able to do now. So what I'm going to recommend to you all is this how much money do you have in the savings account right now uh between 18 and 20,000 okay 18 to 20,000 if something was to happen right now with your husband um is that

the minimum of three months um of investments oh yeah okay great sounds like it's a little bit more so great and we are already investing are you already investing into your your daughter's months of investments. Oh yeah. Okay, great. Sounds like it's a little bit more. So great. And we are already investing. Are you already investing into your, your daughter's college fund? No, we haven't started that yet. Okay, cool. I would do that immediately. Okay. I will go ahead and start opening up, um, uh, the, how old are your daughters? My oldest is about to turn seven. Okay, seven. And then what's the next one after that? Then five. Five, okay. Two, and then two months.

Two months, okay. So what I would do is I would probably open up two 529s, talk to a smart investor pro, because a 75-year-old are close. So I would probably have two that we can possibly invest into. But then the good thing about the 529s is they can roll down to your kids, to your other kids. So before I look into purchasing another home, I want to go ahead and start thinking about legacy, thinking about my kids' college future. And this way, once you start funding that, then I would start looking at, okay, in the next two years, husband, let's go ahead and start looking into a home.

So once you start funding this 529, the college plan, I don't have a problem with you all going ahead and start setting aside some extra money to put down towards a home. So here's a good thing. Start looking at the equity in your home right now because you're going to sell that to upgrade. And then also start looking at how much money can you put down? If you all can be there within the next year and a half, two years, that is great. But what I want you to do is make sure that you create some cushion because immediately when we get that extra money, John, we immediately want to spend that. OK, now we got the margin. Let's go get a bigger house.

No, let's let's make sure that when we get the bigger house, we still have that same margin. Because here's the thing, America, hear me clearly. When it comes to building wealth, it's not your income, it's margin. How much margin do you have to survive, to live, and to press on? You can make a million dollars and be broke. You can make $100, dollars and be broke. You can make a hundred thousand dollars and be wealthy. And do me a huge favor, Amanda. Seven, five, two and two months. Is that right? Yep. Yes. I'm going to tell you to do something that I never do. I'm the super frugal one, right? My brand new truck is an 06, right? I'm annoying when it comes to being frugal. Okay. But take a little bit of that money

and you and your husband do something special. Y'all haven't slept in close to a decade now. Agreed. You got a two-month-old. You don't even know what day it is. And it's okay, but for real, for Christmas, hire somebody to come over and be with those kids and do something fun and lovely for one another. That's a lot. I want you all to celebrate this moment because I know that when a spouse is in grad school and working full-time, not only are they working hard,

but the person who's holding the house down is working hard too and by the way you're growing a human and making sure the other three were still alive during that time so do something fun for each other yeah but anthony i love what what you're saying here we just sprint to to collapse that margin yeah right collapse that margin i love a story that that Dave has told us privately, and I'm sure he's told it on the air too, which is it was the margin that in 08 and 09, when things fell apart, he was able to go knock on doors

and buy land and buy homes with pennies on the dollar because he had the margin, and others didn't, right? Absolutely, and that's the thing that has really helped me out with the move that I just did. I had the margin to go buy a home in a gentrified area that one day, within the next year, a year and a half, will become a rental property for mine because I had the margin. I took time. I rented until I was 32, 33 years old. That's right.

Because I wanted to have margin to really go build True Wealth. I want to thank producer James Childs and associate producer, the one and only Kelly Daniel. The one and only Kelly Daniel. Thank you for joining us for this hour. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave, Rachel Cruz, Chris Hogan, or the rest of the Ramsey Network anywhere with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. Catch all of our full shows, browse by topic, or send clips to your friends. Head to the App Store and download the Ramsey Network app today.