The Ramsey Show - App - My Son’s Deadbeat Roommate Isn’t Paying His Share of the Rent (Hour 3)

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

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Thank you very much. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Christy Wright, author of the new book, Take Back Your Time, the guilt-free guide to life balance that we are celebrating the launch of as of yesterday. It is on the streets, in real life, in stores, including Target, which is so exciting. You can get your copy for yourself, for a friend, and you can take back your time. So feel free to give us a call if you have a question about balancing things, about managing your time. Of course, we're always taking your calls about money. If you want to talk about business, George and I love to talk about marketing. George

has a background in marketing and we both love talking about that. Give us a call, 888-825-5225. George Campbell and I are here for you. All right, we're going to go to Seattle, Washington with Jennifer. Hey, Jennifer, how are you? I'm great. Thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's going on? So I'm just looking for some guidance for our son.

He's 21 and is renting an apartment with three roommates. One of the roommates is not holding a job and did not pay September rent and has told my son that he is not going to pay October rent. And my son is covering his portion of the rent. And I'm just trying to figure out how to advise him to get through this situation. They have a lease until January, but it doesn't seem right that he would have to cover the roommate's rent and it puts him in a you know financial hardship so I'm just not sure what to tell him. Jennifer do you know the details of the lease because for example when I was in an apartment it was kind of a college apartment

in college we all had individual leases even though we were in a traditional apartment. Is there one person on the lease or do they all have individual leases? I believe they all have individual leases, but I would have to confirm. Okay. I know this sounds heartless. I'm just going to tell you, he needs to stop paying it. Okay. He needs to stop paying it. If he wanted to do one month as a gift, that's his choice. He can do that. That's generous and kind. But this roommate is not going to be motivated to get a job, keep a job, and pay his rent as long as it's being paid for him. And that's nothing against his friend. He's showing that he's not doing it because there are more job opportunities right now than any time before. Everyone is begging for employees

everywhere. He could get a job tonight at a restaurant. They're desperate. So if he doesn't have a job, that's on him. That's not because there's not opportunities out there. And so I'm just, I struggle with this because your son is the one that's suffering because of this roommate's incompetence, lack of motivation, lack of responsibility, whatever. I mean. Yeah. I mean, at first I was like, well, I guess the son's the landlord because there must be a reason for this. Why is he taking this on himself? Is he just a good guy? I think he's just a good guy.

He's really concerned about how, you know, this could impact his financial future. He has does not have a credit score. He's paid cash for his vehicles. They paid extra to have the security deposit. And so he just doesn't want the repercussions to come back on him. But separate leases? Well, I have to confirm that. I think that's how they are set up. But if they're not separate leases, what would I advise him to do? Okay, so if going to say, if it's not separate, then I want to know who is on the lease. Because the person on the lease is the person responsible. If it's your son, I can see why he would want to pay that to cover his own behind and not have the repercussions of that. If it's a different roommate that's different, then that's between the roommate that won't pay and the roommate that's on the lease.

If it's the roommate that's not paying, surely it's not. But if it is, then that's going the roommate that won't pay and the roommate that's on the lease. If it's the roommate that's not paying, surely it's not. But if it is, then that's going to fall on him. But either way, your son doesn't have to fill the gap. He doesn't need to fill the gap unless, to your point, he is on the lease and he is somehow responsible for this other roommate. If they're separate, then there's absolutely no reason he should have to. Does the landlord know that this guy can't pay? My son tried to contact the leasing office yesterday,

and he was not able to get a return call yesterday. So I don't know if they're aware of that yet or not. Yeah, I would make them aware of it and let them be the bad guy instead of your son so that doesn't hurt these relationships. Because it sounds like if I'm the leasing office, I'm going, well, if you can't pay, then we have to get rid of you. You can't live here if you can't pay. That's part of the deal. And so I would let them get involved. And I hope he likes the group of guys he's with. Does he? Are they all great friends? No, it's not. They're not very clean. They don't clean up after themselves. So he's looking to get out of the situation after the lease is up.

Okay. That was my second question. I was like, I don't know what the deal is. If they're all best friends, that's great. But I can't stand a roommate that I can't get along with that's not clean. And so I think he needs to find a different renting situation. And this is a pretty unique situation where this guy can't pay and is unwilling to work when he easily can go get a job today.

Like Christy said, people are desperate. Money is out there. So I would see if he can even get out of the lease early. If this is a toxic situation, even outside of this guy not paying, even if he could pay,

he still hates living here. Your son deserves better and he's in a great financial spot because of a great mom like you who's raised him well. And so I want him to be in a renting situation that he actually enjoys, and maybe that's getting one roommate. Depending on where he's at and what he can afford, I don't see anything wrong with that, and you may be able to get out of the lease early looking at the details of it. Yeah, Jennifer, it's going to come down to the details of this lease.

That's what we're telling you. It's going to come down to that. Who is on it? That person is legally responsible for the rent being paid on time. If your son and the other roommates are all on it, then he's only responsible for his part. If the other roommate is on it, whoever is on it on behalf of the entire household is the one that is going to feel this financial hit. But I totally agree with George. Get the landlord involved.

Let the landlord be the bad guy. And your son does not need to pay this anymore, not once more, not at all. And the fact that this roommate is not working, I can't fathom someone not working right now that has the ability to, when the job opportunities are out there and you're not paying rent,

let's just call it what it is, he's stealing. That roommate is stealing. Stealing from your son, stealing from the landlord. He has made a commitment, a financial commitment to live in this place that he is not upholding, and that is not okay. A better gift instead of paying his rent would be to help him find a job and say, hey, I found seven places that are hiring, and here's the applications. Go do that, and go get some money if you want to continue to live here.

Yeah, but he won't do it. I mean, this guy, if he would have done it, and here's the applications. Go do that and go get some money if you want to continue to live here. Yeah, but he won't do it. I mean, this guy, if he would have done it, he would have done it. He's kind of a bum right now. And, you know, at that age, you can sometimes fall into that slump where you're just like, I'm just a dude. I just don't want to work. I just don't feel like it. Don't want to flip burgers.

Dude, he needs to get his mojo back, this other roommate that's not paying. And he needs to do something about the situation. It's going to take a consequence, and that consequence is probably getting kicked out. Yep. The other thing to look into, Jennifer, when we talked about this lease thing is George was talking about getting out of the lease early. A lot of times if you break a lease early, there is some type of early, you know, whatever fee. The fee might be one month's rent, and your son's already paid that. It may be worth it to your son to pay that fee, which would have been just paying for the other roommate equivalent.

And then he's out of there. He's done with these jokers that are a mess, that aren't paying their bills, and he can move on to find good roommates in a good place, maybe live by himself. Oh, my gosh. That is the dream. It sounds like it would be a real gift at this point in his life. He deserves it. Look into the details of the lease, Jennifer, and I hope that helps. Thanks for calling.

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At Ramsey Solutions, we have a thousand people working together to create digital products and services that will transform people's lives. Our goal is to disrupt the toxic money culture that exists in America today. If you want to join us on that crusade, we're on the hunt for software engineers with expertise in Ruby on Rails, Java, C Sharp, and front-end technologies. I don't know what any of that means, but if you do, this might be a job for you. Or if you're a UX designer, does that mean user experience? You nailed it. Nailed it.

User experience. Process of deduction here. SEO and content marketing specialist. We'd love to talk with you. Find out about all the available jobs by texting WORK to 33789. Text WORK to 33789 to find out about all of our open opportunities. We were just talking about this. Now is a great time for you to maybe think about doing something that means something to you.

Maybe it's time for a job change, a career change. Maybe you work a J-O-B where you collect a paycheck, and you're unhappy, and you're unfulfilled. One of the things I talk about in my book, George, I walk through helping people discern what matters to them, what's right at the right time. But I give a recipe. In the middle of the book, I give a recipe for balance. I say, okay, regardless of your age or season, there are certain things you must have if

you're going to feel balanced. For example, rest. Most people are trying to skimp on sleep. If you don't feel rested, if you don't have sleep, you're not creative. You've got health issues. You're not going to feel balanced regardless of how you manage your calendar. One of the other ingredients that I talk about in this section of the book is work that you enjoy.

I don't care how you manage your time. If you spend 40 plus hours a week doing something that you hate, you're never going to feel balanced, much less happy. You have to align your time with things that make you come alive, that give you joy, that give you purpose, that give you meaning. This is what Ken Coleman talks about in his new book, Paycheck to Purpose. This is what I talk about in my book, Take Back Your Time. This is what we want to help you do.

And by the way, we're hiring. We are a company that loves the work that we do. We genuinely believe in it. All thousand of us genuinely believe that our work matters, that we are changing lives. So if you want to be a part of that crusade, if you want to be a part of that mission, if you want to use your gifts, whether it is marketing or sales or all those words that I said, like C sharp and front end technologies, great. We need you. Text work to 33789. Our team will be in touch and hopefully we can find a spot for you.

Lord knows we need the help because we've got a lot of work to do to fulfill that mission of disrupting the toxic money culture. All right, we're going to go to Autumn in Boston, Massachusetts. Hey, Autumn, how are you? Very good, thanks. Thank you for taking my call. Sure, what's going on? Yeah, I'm starting a small business and I was trying to find out and juggle whether or not you need a website or if a LinkedIn page is enough to start

out with. What's your business idea? So it's writing documents, creating SOPs, manuals, training documents, training presentations, and things like that. Cool. Who is your ideal customer? Is this going to be a small business owner? Who do you primarily want to work with for this? It would probably be biotech startups and the pharmaceutical industry. Okay. Cool. Probably be biotech startups and the pharmaceutical industry. Okay, cool.

So I think that at some point, yes, you need a website. I don't think out of the gate you need a website. Now, here's what's interesting. When you have a website and when I say that you need it at some point, the reason I think you need it at some point is actually not to be found because I think most of your business is going to come through relationship building, through word of mouth marketing, through going to where your ideal client that you just described is, building those relationships, showing them samples of your work, your portfolio, and so on.

But because of the nature of your industry, there's an added expectation of credibility. It will make you seem more legit to have a website. So when I say I do think you need one at some point, similar to a graphic designer, a graphic designer needs a website not because they're going to drive so much traffic. There are people like, oh, I can only, you know, that's where they're going to get most of their customers. It actually doesn't do that. It just gives you an added layer of credibility that this person can design. Here's some samples of their work and so on. So I think it's more of the authority, trustworthiness, credibility

in the nature of your industry that you're going into that you will need at some point. Do I think you need it out of the gate? No. I do think you need samples of your work to show that you have the skill set to do what you want to do

and fulfill the promise that you are giving through this business. But I think most of it's going to come through relationship building, through networking, through LinkedIn, through people that you know, through getting your foot But I think most of it's going to come through relationship building, through networking, through LinkedIn, through people that you know, through getting your foot in the door through some of these companies

and just showing up. What do you think, George? I know the website can be a hurdle for people, so I like to remove it when I can. 100%. And I built my own website many moons ago as a musician launching an album and all that stuff. And the truth is,

there's not going to be a lot of traffic there because there's not really a reason for people to go there. I'm not a blogger. And so really, it's a business card that's digital. And so you can do it easily yourself. If you just want to launch a Wix page in an hour over lunch, you can do that just where it has your information. But like Christy's saying, I want you to have the authority. And so that might mean a branded email that isn't autumn at gmail.com, but it's autumn at yourbusinessname.com. And that then does tie into the website. It doesn't have to be fancy. It can literally just be really a clear messaging.

And Donald Miller talks about this with his story brand stuff, but making it clear to a business owner who finds you about what you're all about. Don't get cute. Don't get clever. Here's what I do. I am in the technical writing space and we do SOPs and training manuals for your business that will help you do X, Y, Z. And so you can go through that exercise to just craft a clear message on the website. It could be a Facebook page, whatever it is. But like Christy saying, that's not what's important right now. What's important is that you start to form these relationships. Maybe that's on LinkedIn or in person and you start to see what the competition is doing and start to get a feel for what

it's going to be like to enter this space. The one thing I want you to think about, Autumn, I don't want you to go into the black hole of creating your website with a template like Wix or WordPress or whatever, where you're like, oh, it's so easy. And then you end up going into this black hole and you're looking at widgets and there's all this dev, all those terms that you don't know what they mean. And you've spent a week trying to figure out what to do.

And what it does is it kills your confidence because you think I can't do this. I'm not good. I was never cut out for business in the first place, which is a very common thing that happens when people try to do their own website, even with the website in a box systems. The other thing is you might end up with a website,

but it's really ugly and bad because you're not a web designer. The other thing is you might end up with a website, but it's really ugly and bad because you're not a web designer. You do what you do. And so it actually hurts your credibility because you put together something that sucks. I'd rather you have nothing than something that sucks until you can get something that's good. Does that make sense? Yes, perfect. So, and I say this as someone who did exactly what I just described, back in the day when I became a certified business and life coach. This was even before I was doing it through our company. And I was like, I can do this. Sure.

It's like you just get a template, right? And then like after a weekend, I wanted to throw my computer out the window. It was so ugly. It looks so amateur. And I had wasted so much time. I was like, I can't even do this. I'm not even going to be able to do this side business. And the truth is it was just the website that was the hurdle. So I don't want it to be something that keeps you from

doing this because you're good at what you do. And all that people care about is can you do what you say you can do? And they're going to see that through samples. If you've got some companies you work with, put together a sample training manual for them with their business and their logo and their content. What would you say? And deliver that with some coffee and donuts and get your foot in the door. And I think those types of strategies are gonna go further because just like George said, no one's gonna come to your website

unless you send them there anyway. And so it's not so much that it's driving traffic. It's just a source of credibility. It's a, I love how you said that digital business card. Oh, thank you. I love that. Thank you. But it needs to look good.

So until you're ready to make it look good, either with your skills or spending the money with someone that has those skills or bartering services, by the way, with someone that has those skills, there's creative ways to do it. I think you can just build those relationships and get your business off the ground,

get some cash in the door. And then when you're ready, you can cross that bridge when you get there. Great call. Great question. Good luck, by the way. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Christy Wright. George Campbell and I are taking your calls today at 888-825-5225. We love hanging

out with you. And we want to talk about what you want to talk about here on the Ramsey Show. So money, life, business, and of course, time management as we celebrate the launch of my new book, Take Back Your Time. We are here for you. 888-825-5225. We're going to go to Zach in Grand Rapids. Hey, Zach, how are you? Hey, how's it going, guys? Great. What's going on? Yeah, I just had a quick question. So right now, my wife and I, we're on baby step three, and she is about to finish nursing school at the end of the year.

So with that, our household income will almost double. Awesome. And yeah, so my question was, would it be smarter for us to, because we can live on just one, my income right now, how we are, would it be smart for us to use her income and pay off our house early in like three or four years or just save it and have a bigger down payment for our next house. You know, I've gotten this question before and there are some variables in terms of where you plan to move. But what's interesting is either way, it's going

into the new house. You know what I mean? Like if you put the money in your house now, you've got more equity. If you save it for another house, the only difference is if you put it on the house now, you're saving a ton in interest, especially over the course of three to four years. And you don't know when you're going to move. So I lean towards, yeah, paying off the house, get rid of that interest. Like, man, whenever you see that interest on your mortgage statement every month, that's just so much money. It's so much money that you could get rid of or at least start chipping away at.

But either way, it's going to go towards that new house. Don't feel like it's instead of the new house. You know what I'm saying? If you decide to move, you've got that to put towards it. Yeah. My concern here, Zach, is once you get through baby step three, we still have to invest 15% of our household income into retirement. And so are you guys going to follow that plan? Yeah, yeah, we are. So we owe just about $100,000 on our house. So even us putting in 15% and all of that, I think that we'll be able to pay it off within three or four years. Cool. That's awesome. That's awesome. You're in baby step four, five, six land at that point, and whatever extra margin you have on top of investing for retirement or if you have kids, saving some for college there, absolutely that should go towards the house. And that's where I am right now.

And I could be putting that money, like he's saying, Christy, in just a savings account, but here's the problem. Then it becomes a cookie jar, and you never know when you want to dip your hand in the cookie jar because, you know what, the car is – we need a new car. We need a new couch. So tempting. And it becomes the everything fund. And so I like the forced savings plan of paying down the house. And honestly, it's such an incredible achievement that most Americans never do that I just want to see you guys pay off this house to say you did it. Yeah, that's awesome.

Way to go. Way to go on doing so well to get to this point, paying off your debt and increasing the income. Congratulations to your wife and her new income, new job. Awesome. That's awesome. Well done. We love those calls. All right, let's go to Jordan in San Antonio, Texas.

Hey, Jordan, how are you? I'm all right. How are y'all doing? Good. What's going on? It's pretty hard to call in and even ask for help. But what is your message for people who, like in my situation, we screwed up? We were gay-ish and just got ourselves in more trouble? And I'm back on track personally.

I'm doing SPU again. I pay for it. I'm watching the videos online. And I'm back on track personally. I'm doing SPU again. I pay for it. I'm watching the videos online. And I'm doing my budget. We're sticking to it right now. But it's so disheartening. And again, there's a lot of pride just to even ask for help. Yeah.

But what is the practice to pick up my situation? Well, Jordan, first of all, I want you to have some grace for help. Yeah. But what is the practice to pick up my situation? Well, Jordan, first of all, I want you to have some grace for yourself. We all screw up. I've screwed up. George has screwed up. Dave Ramsey has screwed up. He built this company that now is this big success

that everybody looks at on a screw up, on going broke, bankrupt. He talks about remembering crying in the shower with a baby on the way, feeling exactly like you feel right now. So I just want you to know we all screw up and there's grace for you. We all do it. Tell me a little bit more about your financial situation though so George and I can give you more specific advice. When you say you made some mistakes, what are we looking at here in terms of debt? I know you're back into Financial Peace University, and you're ready to turn it around, and you need help. And I hear you, and we want to help you.

But can you tell me a little bit more about the details of your financial situation? Well, we're about $76,000 in debt. We have, after budgeting, about $1,600 to throw at debt. So, I mean, it's pretty good numbers when we're being disciplined. The other part that's playing on this is that two years ago when I first started FPU and when I was day-dish, whatever, I ended up losing my job and sold the house before I could lose that. And I've lived in a two-car garage next to my parents since then. It floods every time it rains. I mean, I battle ants every day. I've got like three different columns of ants trying to get in right now. And it's taken a toll on my wife and on his marriage. But

I mean, it's just the cheapest way we can live. So that way we can, you know, put money towards any form of debt. I mean, with the cheapest apartment we found around here is like 857, which, you know, the 1600, I guess it's okay. But still, when we start talking about paying for trash and electric,

I just don't think it's really doable. Does your wife work? Yes, ma'am. She makes 41,000 a year. As of today, actually. What's your total household income? As of today, basically $120,000.

Okay. Jordan, listen to me. I want to tell you what I think is going on from my standpoint. You make $120,000. That's a great income. You have $76,000 in debt yeah it's in debt but you can get out of this you can get out of this sooner than you think

what is absolutely wearing on your soul right now is where you're living in these freaking ants and the floods it's killing your spirit get out get an apartment you can afford an apartment the four walls we tell you to take care of before any debt, one of them is your living, yourish, but you have gone so far that you are sacrificing your physical living situation. Your marriage is at risk.

Your mental health is struggling because of this. What's killing your spirit is actually not your finances. Your finances are in a position to get yourself right on out of this. You have a great income. It's the ants. It's where you're living. George, am I missing something here? I mean, I feel like this, like.

I think she's spot on. And Jordan, let me ask you this. Let's say you get out and you're paying rent. That's going to change some things for you guys emotionally, right? Yes. You're going to have some mojo back and go, oh my gosh. Yes. We don't have to deal with the ant problem.

I can go take on a side job and not come back to this two-car musty garage that we're living in. And what kind of debt is this? So there's two credit card debts that were used to start a business that failed. And there's hospital debt. Okay. And there's a car debt. Okay. So is the car worth selling?

Do you know what the car is worth versus what you owe on it? Well, we just bought it several months back, well, in April. So it's about $40,000 plus right now. If I was to sell it, it'd probably still be maybe $30,000 if they give me anything for it. I mean, if I'm you, I'm getting rid of this car. And even if you're underwater, I would take out a loan from the credit union or from a bank. That's the only time we tell you to do that is when you're underwater on that vehicle. But, man, that's going to give you some spirit back and actually make you feel like you can get this stuff done. It's going to make a huge dent in the debt.

Yeah, that's half the debt right there. And then the medical debt, try to negotiate that down. Advocate for yourself. Fight for this. See if they'll take less and try to settle on that for way less than that. Once you start doing these things, you're going to go, oh my gosh, I can see some light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not an oncoming train. Jordan, listen, you're going to sell this car. You're going to get an apartment. You're going to be in an awesome apartment. You're going to

be in a better situation from a housing standpoint. You make $120,000 a year, and you're going to be in an awesome apartment. You're going to be in a better situation from a housing standpoint. You make $120,000 a year and you're going to almost cut your debt in half if you do what we've just told you to do. That is going to lift your spirit, which is going to give you the momentum to tackle the rest of it. You have got this. You are in a better position than you realize. You just need to take hold of it. You got this. Thanks for calling. This is The Ramsey Show. our scripture of the day is first peter 1 6 so be truly glad there is wonderful joy ahead even though you have to endure many trials for a little while it's a good word for our last caller and for any of you going through a hard season, maybe baby step two, feeling discouraged. There is joy ahead.

Alexander Graham Bell said, You know, it's interesting. One of the things that we had in our last call with Jordan that we didn't have time to talk about, but I thought was interesting, as he said, I had two businesses that failed that were on credit cards. And one of the things I've seen, George, is sometimes people, because of a wound, because of shame, because of a failure or perceived failure, it can get us so down that we feel like we can't get up. We feel like we can't try again because we're down,

we're discouraged. Man, our heart's been broken. I know a ton of people whose business is closed because of the pandemic and they could have restarted maybe. Those industries are open again, the regulations are down, but it just killed their spirit and I hate to see that. One of the things I love that we try to do for you guys here on the Ramsey Show is just reignite hope. That's what we do. Yes. Give you hope again. Yeah. Shame and guilt can just take over and you just can't see a way out. And so our job is to just help you go, no, there's a way out. Yeah. There's a door there. There's a door there. You have options. That's right. You're not painted into a corner. And just to give people a little bit of that encouragement that they can find progress. They can find hope.

It doesn't have to be this way, stay this way. And so I love that call with Jordan, not because of the situation, but just because I love showing people, dude, you're not, it's not as bad as you think. Right. And you're going to be out of this sooner than you think if you do this stuff with a gazelle intensity like we teach. You're going to be at a place where you look back and you go, wow, look what God did. Look what God took me from where I was to where I am today.

Right. And it's gazelle intense, but it's not cats and ants and floods. No. He's dealing with a plague. Yes, we want you to take care of you. But I love that reminder. We do. We want to give you guys the hope that you can do it.

We want to help you believe that you can do it because you can't. And then show you how to do it with the practical, tactical baby steps. That's what we're here for. 888-825-5225 george camel and i are taking your calls and we're going to go to la we've had a lot of la calls today with art hey art how are you hey there y'all i'm doing good how about yourself great what's going on hey so um to get started you, I'm a full-time student. I'm a full-time worker. I'm about to hit my mid-20s. And the issue, but not a crazy issue, is I still live with my folks. I decided to move out at 18, but for some reason I wanted to take care.

We had a bad relationship, so I just wanted to take care of that before moving on. And things are better now, you know, thank God. But the issue is that you know they receive government benefits and i'm feeling a sense of guilt and worry that if i leave uh you know they might have they're kind of in their 60s i don't want them working to an early grave while i'm out there taking care of myself but i kind of have to move out in the sense that i need to start my financial independent life as well as still help them to enjoy their uh their golden age so i'm kind of stuck between

like i want i want to start my life i've already delayed it just so i can help them and i want to start my life i but i feel guilty for leaving and um i guess right now that's just the general gist of it. Well, this is interesting. First of all, I love your heart that you care about your parents, and that comes through even in your question, and you wanted to repair any parts of the relationship that needed to be repaired. Tell me a little bit about what the conversations with your parents are like. What is the expectation?

How are you taking care of them are like. What is the expectation? How are you taking care of them financially now? What do they expect? Is there an expectation that you are going to stay there for a lot longer? What have these conversations been like up to this point? Well, the conversations have been almost non-existent. They don't usually end well, so I just try to avoid them. But usually, I mean, I'm Eastern European, mean i'm sure a lot of people understand you know uh yeah the general idea is that you stay with your folks

until you're married yeah and uh it's a cultural thing but yeah the cultural thing personally i've always been had an independent streak so i think my folks are kind of they'll just go along with what i go with but um but, it really just depends on me. Like, regardless of the culture, their expectations, you know, I listen. Like, I always have an ear open for them, but I'm at the point where, you know, it's also my life that I'm responsible for, not them, not anybody else, just me. So if I leave, then they'll accept that. So if I leave, they'll accept that. If I don't, they'll accept that.

But expectation-wise and conversation-wise, I'd say there's always like a nervousness in my mother's tone in regards to finances, just the worries. That's all it is really, like the worries, the worries, the worries of what's going to happen next, where they're going to leave, what's going to happen with them. So I don't think she does this intentionally, but her worrying kind of puts like this, I wouldn't say guilt, but just eye worry too, you know?

Yeah, like an unspoken pressure. Yeah. How are you supporting them? What do you mean by I'm supporting them financially? Are you giving them money every month as rent? Yeah, I'm helping them with their bills, just personal things. Honestly, just whatever.

Just trying to take care of them the best I can. Are you paying bills for them? I'm paying most of them. I'm paying about 70% of the bills. So you're not paying rent, but you're basically covering their life.

Oh, no. I'm also paying the rent as well as our other bills. Okay, so this is a very different situation. How much are you giving them a month total, would you say, including bills and rent? Like minimum a grand a month, but I usually throw them a couple hundred extra. So we can say like $1,300, $1,200. And are they able to work? How old are they? Well, my mother is, I think, in her mid-50s.

And my father got cancer in the early 2000s. So he hasn't been able to work for a while. He physically can't work because of that? Yeah, so it's just been me and her. Is he on any kind of disability? Does he get any income currently? Yeah, he does, but you know, it's good. It's not a crazy amount, but it's good for what it is. I'm curious how we got to this point that you're paying all the bills. I know it sounds like y'all are not a family that communicates a whole lot. You said the conversations are kind of non-existent. They don't end well, so you avoid them.

I've seen those family dynamics. I know what you're talking about. But something happened to the point where you started paying those bills. How did those conversations go? How did we get to this point where you're paying 70% of their expenses? Well, it's just kind of what I wanted to do. I figured, like, it's the least I could do for them, you know, all the things I put them through. Yeah, I just started when I first got my first well-paying job. Yeah. Let me put this scenario in. What if they live another, I mean, they're

young, truthfully. What if they live another 20 years and they're expecting you to pay 70 of their bills his mom's 50 they could live a lot longer than that so i'm just wondering there it doesn't seem like there's a way out here i think you guys need to have a hard conversation about an exit strategy and you need to say hey in six months i'm gonna move out and i want to make sure you guys are taken care of and this is not a battle where i want to leave you guys in a lurch this is me saying i need to live out, and I want to make sure you guys are taken care of, and this is not a battle where I want to leave you guys in a lurch. This is me saying I need to live my life, and I want to make sure you guys are taken care of, and you help them develop a plan for what that looks like for them to cover their own bills. And that might mean mom needs to go back to work.

It might mean dad needs to find something he can do remote on a computer or whatever his health maybe allows him to do. Maybe it means looking to make sure they have the right insurance in place to protect them. And so I think you can help set them up without enabling them and paying bills for the rest of your life as you try to start your adult life. Well, and it sounds like that's what you want to be independent art. And so what's keeping you there is not a desire. I hear your heart that you want to take care of them. And I love exactly what George said, where you're going to have a conversation that's

going to be an exit strategy that's going to be gradual over time so that you can pursue your independent financial life and independent life and also help assist them. Make sure they're okay and they are able to be self-sufficient. I want to acknowledge one thing. Your mom's 50. She's young. She's young. She can work.

She might not want to work, but if they don't have income, she needs to work. Someone needs to be working so that they have income to take care of themselves. And it's not all on you. I love your heart, but it's not all on you. And that's not sustainable long term as well. That's just, you know that. And so exactly like George said, you start working on an exit strategy and bring them into the conversation. Hard and awkward, awkward, awkward conversations,

but you need to have them. I want to thank my co-host George Camel, producer James Childs, associate producer Austin Selby, and you America for tuning in. This is The Rancy Show. have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of ramsey advice in their life let them know about the ramsey call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.