The Ramsey Show - App - My Wife and I Are Struggling With Our Money and Marriage (Hour 1)

Episode Date: June 17, 2021

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Music Music Music Music Music Music Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host.

My co-host today, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, Anthony O'Neill, host of the ever-popular YouTube show, Exploding, called The Table. The Table's not exploding, but the popularity is. So you can check him out there on YouTube anytime. And, of course, check out his advice here today on the air. If you want to talk to us, the call is free, and some say the advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. The phone number is 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Victor is in Dallas. Hi, Victor. How are you? Hey, my man. I'm doing good. How about yourself? Better than I Victor. How are you? Hey, my man. I'm doing good. How about yourself? Better than I deserve.

How can we help? So I have a $14,000 debt remaining on my car financed via Ford, and I could sell it today for about $22,000 and just keep the cash and use that to buy another car and have a little bit of money left over. Me and my wife are both in grad school, so we're cash flowing that and just paying that out of pocket so that extra money could be helpful. The complicating factor is that I don't actually pay the monthly note on my car. My dad pays it for me every month, and it's been like three years, and he's never missed a payment,

so he's really good with it. So I'm not actually spending that money, but the car is in my name, and I think that's it. What do you guys make? What's your household income? So we make about $42,000. When will you graduate from grad school? So I'll be done in next year. I don't know whether it's going to be in the summer or in the fall.

It kind of just depends on how much coursework I can handle, but I'll be done next year for sure, and just don't know what semester. And my wife has about another two years, probably, and we're both in seminary. She's doing counseling to be an LPC, and I'm just getting, like, a general theology degree for the pastorate and that kind of stuff. Okay. Sell it. Sell the car? Yeah. Now, when you sell it, have a conversation with your dad and make sure that he's not

going to want to part some of the proceeds. Oh, no. I talked to him already. He's like, hey, if you sell it, you can keep all the cash and i'll send you whatever i would pay for the car to you just in cash as a gift to like help pay for school um so he said he would give me that and we'll have that in our pocket as well i like your dad how much how much is your car payment um my car payment is maybe like 430 i don't actually know i've never made the payment but it's somewhere somewhere between $400,000 and $500,000.

It's like a 2018 Mustang. Okay, here's what I'm basing that on. Your income is low for someone driving a $22,000 car, and it's going to stay low for a while. If you told me you were getting ready to graduate in the fall, well, everything's getting ready to change. Then we're not going to make a decision based on what's happening today because it's going to change real soon. But it sounds like you've got a couple more years of this, and not having this around your neck or your dad's neck or anything else would be really handy. So the rule of thumb is don't have too much invested, even if it's paid for, in things

that are going down in value. One definition of too much invested is anything with wheels and motors added together, equaling more than half your annual income, is generally too much invested. So if you make $50,000 a year and you buy a $30,000 boat, that's under the stupid column. Okay? And you know, you make $40,000 a year, you got a $22,000

car. Now you're not paying it and that's nice and all of that, but just getting rid of an asset that's going the wrong way while your income stays in the 40s for the next two years is a wise thing. Yeah, yeah. And he's going to come out with about 8K, Dave. So, I mean, I'm buying a $5,000 car cash. Yeah, five or six, something like that.

And then $400 goes in your budget instead of going to the bank. There you go. So it's almost as if you got rid of a car payment. Yeah. Since your dad's going to continue to send the money. That's very generous of him. I'm with Anthony. That's very nice.

He's supporting him. He's proud that he's going into the seminary. Yeah. And, you know, trying to be there to help him and walk with him through the process, and that's good. So as a father, Dave, what would you like to see him do with that $400 that he's getting from his father every month? I think the young guy's got a pretty good handle on his budget already. Absolutely. He's out of debt.

I mean, there's nothing in here that indicates he's lacking in frugality. So I think he's – what do you think? I mean, I agree with you. I mean, I'm pocketing it. I'm going to use it towards school. Yeah, it's going in the budget, the monthly budget for food, lights, water, school, cash flow in school. And now we're $400 up. I mean, if another two, three years.

And we don't have something that we own that over the next two years while we drive, it's going to lose $8,000 in value. Absolutely. You know, which is what happens to these stinking things. They go down like a rock. That's where Chevy got that, like a rock. But you know what, Dave? Some of our listeners are saying, but Dave, he's not paying for it i know but he is paying for it right when you take 22 000 and you turned into 12 right that's paying for it yes anytime

you do that you're going the wrong direction all right tony's with us tony is in sacramento hi tony how are you hey dave thank you so much for taking my call. How are you doing there, Anthony? I'm doing well, man. Thanks for asking. So my question is this. Our parents-in-law had just offered us to live rent-free in a vacant home they have owned. So they own several properties, and this one is just vacant. And they wanted to sell our house, stack that cash that we made on equity, live there rent-free while my wife finishes nursing school this December.

And we don't know where we want to be located yet, just because when she gets done with nursing school, we get a better idea of where we want to settle. And we know this is not going to be our forever home. So should we take that offer? It's a tough one for me anything with with parents and and i get a little nervous especially when i hear free i just because i don't want something to go left and correct me from wrong dave but if something goes left that they don't like then they can kick me out you know so i i'm i'm 50 50 right here i'm a'm a little nervous. How's your guys' relationship?

It's pretty good. So my parents-in-law had helped all of the other siblings, and they just were the youngest one now. So they had helped all the other siblings. Like, they were living rent-free also. So they're not, like, controlling people? No, absolutely not. They're very helpful. I think that's Anthony's concern, and that's a valid concern.

Yeah, I'm probably going to take it since it's a quality relationship with quality people, and it's for a short term, and your game plan is you're going to be moving anyway in six to nine months anyway, right? Right, correct. And so you just pile up the cash. Are you guys out of debt? We don't have a debt in the world. So I did when I bought this house, I did

co-sign with her sister-in-law because I have no credit. It's because I never had a credit card at all. So she's under the loan also. That helps get rid of that. Exactly. How much money do you have in your savings account right now, Tony? Right now, without selling the home, it's $40,000.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I agree with Dave. Yeah, you're just cashing out while the market's hot, and you're going to put the money in the bank for your next move in this next transition. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing huge, no huge advantage. Basically, it's your monthly payment is your advantage for six months, and that's enough reason to do it as long as everybody stays on their side of the fence,

good boundaries with the relatives, then this can be okay. This is The Ramsey Show. People all over the country are discovering a faith-based and budget-friendly way of meeting health care costs through Christian Health Care Ministries. Christian Health Care Ministries, or CHM, is a nonprofit organization that helps members carry one another's burdens with health care expenses, and they have successfully shared each other's medical bills for nearly 40 years. See if CHM is right for you by visiting chministries.org.

CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. New episodes of The Table with Anthony O'Neill air every Monday. How to set a clear vision for your future. Everything you need to know about success. And how you can go from looking fake rich to really becoming wealthy. A lot of people looking fake rich. Absolutely.

And you know what, Dave? I think you'd be very proud of me. I know you probably already listened to the show, but this week's show is 10 Things You Shouldn't Do With Your Paycheck. And I literally write down verbatim. It's an hour-long show. And I literally talk about here's what you need to do with every time you get paid. Cover your four walls. your paycheck oh and i literally write down verbatim it's an hour-long show and i literally

talk about here's what you need to do with every time you get paid cover your four walls do this do that um and the the the response is insane already at 25 000 views in 24 hours wow because i literally go through the basics because people want to look rich when i want to help people hey here's how you build wealth and it's a solid foundation. Tom Stanley, the wrote The Millionaire Next Door, the last book he wrote before he passed away, wrote a book called Stop Acting Rich. There it is. And he went through the statistical and mathematical evidence that acting rich will actually cause you to never be rich. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Pretty intense. Pretty, pretty amazing. Well, here at Ramsey Solutions, we want to transform so many lives that disruption happens to this crazy culture. This crazy, have you all noticed that this culture is out of control? Imagine a world where it's weird to have a student loan. Where most people pay cash for their car. Where the credit card is the cigarette of the financial industry. Where you actually understand the success principles

and your kids do too that anthony teaches every day where you understand how to get a job and have a career you love from ken coleman and it becomes normal well instead you know we're trying to put ourselves out of business but there's no danger of that if you want to join us on that crusade we're currently on the hunt for software engineers with expertise in Ruby on Rails. See, I don't even know what it is. Java, C Sharp, front-end technologies. If you're a UX designer, SEO, content marketing specialist, a data analyst. If you're in the tech world, we are hiring 300 folks this year.

And Ramsey Solutions is exploding. And not just tech, but everything, but a bunch of high-end tech jobs. And here's the cool thing about tech jobs at Ramsey. We work 40 hours, not 80. We actually go home. You come out of the parking lot at 530? Oh, yes. It's empty.

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We work. Laura is with us. Laura is in Montreal, Canada. Hey, Lauraura how are you good how are you better than we deserve how can we help um you're breaking up try again hello hello try one more time you're breaking breaking up. Okay, no worries. My question, I'm really clueless right now, to be honest. So my parents have an 18-year age difference, and there is a, so obviously recently we've had some conversations about wills and things like that. And my family has a cottage. It's really important to us. It's been in our family for generations,

and it really means a lot to everyone in our family. However, I was speaking to my mom, who doesn't have a job, and she expressed that she would be interested in selling it. After, God forbid, the passing of my father, especially if she needed money. And I'm really wondering, what right as a child do you have to interfere in that, if any? None. Zero. It's not your stuff. Yeah.

Why do you think you do, Laura? I don't know. It's just so hard seeing something that meant so much to everyone in our family, possibly not, you know, being in our family. How much is it worth? A lot. It's just on a really good piece of land, so probably upwards to a million. Well, why don't you sell some of the land and keep the cottage?

But would I be able to suggest that? Well, you could buy the cottage and ask them to carve out just a few acres and keep the cottage itself. Because it's not the farm that means something to you. It was the lake part of it, right? Yeah. It's just generally having even a piece of it, you know, just the memories that are attached to the area. I guess that is a good idea. It's just rough. It's hard to, like, I have offered to even, like, give support if needed. Like, I would be fine giving financial support, obviously, to my family. How old are you?

I'm 26. Okay. What do you you? I'm 26. Okay, what do you make? Just under 70 grand. And your dad is how old? My dad is in his mid-60s now. Okay, alright. Well, let's pretend you got 20 years before this really comes up. He gets to his mid-80s. Okay? Mm-hmm.

That would give you time to prepare, if this means a lot to you, to build some wealth and be able to offer to buy it. Yeah. And it would be certainly okay for you to ask that you be given the option to buy it in the will should they give you be given first right of refusal or a an option to purchase it uh first option to purchase it or something like that so that they didn't just call you up one day and go we sold it you know instead you got you you know if because you'd saved up a half million dollars and you could have bought half the property and uh had them sell off the other half or something like that, and that would have scratched your itch.

And then at that point, you become a customer of the estate, not someone who just feels entitled to it. Agreed. Agreed. Yeah. Just have the conversation. But I wouldn't go in there saying, hey, this is what I want. This is what needs to be done.

Just ask the question. You don't have any rights. Yeah. You're not entitled to anything. I'm sorry it hurts your feelings. I understand that. And it does mean a lot to you emotionally. I hear you saying that.

But that doesn't give you any moral or legal or even emotional rights to it. We have a lake house, and if I decide to sell it tomorrow, it will break my kids' heart because they've all learned to ski there. The grandbabies have all spent time there. We all love it. It's the same kind of a thing. It's an emotional piece of property for us.'ll break my heart anthony anthony's anthony's anthony would be crying he's already his eyes are already leaking i'm serious that's where you

learned to ski exactly he learned to ski there yeah hey he did he's quite a quite a water skier now you should have seen him the falls were amazing last weekend. But anyway, the point being that you earn the right to speak into this by having some money to do something. It's not just a matter of offering support. It's a matter of, hey, if you're ever going to sell it, I don't want that to happen because I love it so much. Please give me first rights. And would you mind even putting that in the will, Dad? And something like that. That would be okay. and there's nothing wrong with that at all and so i got dibs on that you know that that's a if if you're gonna if you would allow me to i would consider that awesome

because it means so much to me but just because it was your childhood uh summer vacation and it's emotional does not give you any rights. You have zero entitlement on that. Sorry. Josh is, that's my opinion, and you asked it. Josh is in Dallas. Hey, Josh, how are you? Fine.

I just want to talk to you, Dave. I have a question about trading in my vehicle. So I purchased a Bernie truck in November last year and traded in my truck. The dealership contacted me a couple weeks ago or last week and they're wanting to buy my truck back with the shortage of vehicles so 026 on it right now um i made a really good trade on it and got a lot of equity in it 026 now wouldn't offer me 41 000 cash right now what'd you pay for it i uh i paid like 42.5 wow yeah what is it worth um what is it worth yeah what does kelly buble says says um that's what i did a online kelly

kelly buble trading and um it said that it was worth 40 but then whenever i went and talked to the dealership they said they would give me $41. Yeah, and that's trade-in, by the way. That's not private sale. So I think you could push them and get a little more out of it. Do you want to sell it? Well, here's the thing. So my wife and I took on some debt from a child custody case of $14,000 from an attorney fee. So we're working on paying that off.

What's your household income? $140,000. I'm okay if you sell it. It's certainly a good opportunity if you want to get out. This is like getting out while the getting's good. And you probably can get more for it if you lean on them just a little bit because you do obviously have

a vehicle. Wow, you can sell it for whatever you paid for it six months later how weird is that highly unusual in the lobby of ramsey solutions on the debt free stage jeffrey and megan are with us hey guys how are you hi we're great welcome where do you guys live lee summit missouri lee summit kansas city area that's where my daughter-in-law is from. Awesome. Good for you guys. Welcome to Nashville and all the way down here to do a debt-free scream. Yep.

Cool. How much have you guys paid off? $106,180.44. Good. How long did this take? Two years, two months, and ten days. All right. And your range of income during that time?

It was $102,000 to $130,000. Good. What do you guys do for a living? I'm a medical laboratory scientist. And I'm a clinical manager for a residential behavioral health facility. Oh, great. Okay, cool. What kind of debt was this?

About half was my student loans um and then we had uh my car and then credit cards ah you were kind of normal normal sucks but you were there lots of debt 106 000 were the car credit cards and student loans that's a lot that's a Yeah. So what happened two years and two months ago that got you started on this journey? So our church had started offering FPU and I'm actually the nerd and was kind of like, oh, I think we need to do it, but I never pushed for it. And then Megan was actually like, we're doing this. Oh! That's good.

So, Megan, what made you decide to push for that? You know, I think it was really when you're close to maxing out a credit card that has a $20,000 limit every month, you've got a problem. And as a counselor, the first step to change is admitting that you have a problem. Amen. A little bit of my own advice. Amen. Yeah, that's exactly right. That is by far the first step to change is admitting that you have a problem. Amen. A little bit of my own advice. Amen. Yeah, that's exactly right. That is by far the first step.

As a matter of fact, you've almost solved a problem once you admit that there is one. Yes. Because everything else will just happen after that. Yeah. Once you say, oh, this has got to stop. Yeah. So then the class pops up at just the right time at your church. And you jump into Financial Peace University, both of you together. And so how far into the class were you before you kind of went i think we really can fix this

like hope probably the third week and it's actually kind of interesting megan had gone shopping at walmart and she had her cash envelopes but didn't have enough cash. So she grabbed her credit card. And that evening during our class, we cut that puppy up. Oh, so that was the debt lesson. That was the debt lesson. That was the plastic surgery. Yeah, and at the end of class, everybody chops up their credit cards. Well, that was perfect timing.

Yeah, one last hurrah at a Walmart. Chop, chop. I love it. Plastic surgery. Very good, you guys. I love it. Very good. So throughout this journey, two years, that's a long time, let's be honest.

What was the hardest thing outside of cutting up the credit cards? I see her face right now. But outside of that, what was hard throughout this journey? You know, I think for me, it was just really learning to live within my limits, setting limits for myself. And I'm the free spirit. I'm the one who likes to go shopping on the weekends. I like to go do things. But learning to be more intentional. And, you know, we didn't, you know, we set a recreation budget so that we weren't driving each other crazy. And we set a date budget so we still have that time protected. And just making good use of the funds that we had.

That's awesome. That is awesome. Now, with you being the nerd, what was hard for you? of the funds that we had. That's awesome. That is awesome. Now, with you being the nerd, what was hard for you? Because it seems like you actually enjoyed this process once you started. I did. The hardest part was actually starting. I had a very good 100% match on my 401k up to 10%, and I didn't want to give that up.

I don't blame you. That would have been hard for me. I actually had to convince him that I'm like, no, look at Dave's math. It works. We have to stop this. And he ran the numbers himself and he's like, oh, it actually would work. That's a nerd for you.

I love it. That's fine. That's exactly what I would have done, brother all right so uh what do you tell people the key is now you've done it you've gotten out of debt what's the secret to getting out of debt no credit cards all right also in that same vein i mean it's the patent answer that everyone gives but the budget yeah it sets the budget it sets the limits for you spend this well it's the map to florida if you want to drive to florida you need a map you know it's the gps it shows you where to go and get on you know turn here don't turn here oops you missed it keep going you know whatever i mean that's what you need with a budget you got to have a guideline and you don't get to

your destination if you don't have a map and that's all it is it's that's why everybody says it because it works it's it is the key element that we do see in people that are successful because it's as you said earlier megan it's the intentionality but in this case it's intentionality on paper and that's really all a budget is i'm curious uh now that you're out of debt what's next well um as part of our our journey and jeff was commuting an hour each way to work. So we made the move from a rural county south of Kansas City to the metro area. So we're renting now. So that total doesn't include selling our house.

So we sold the house that we had. We're renting now. So now we're trying to plow through steps 3 and 3B. Yeah. There you go. All right. Get the down payment saved to get another property. Yeah.

Good for you guys. So well done. Well done. So you brought your kiddo with you. What's the name and age? Bethany, age 6. Bethany is 6 years old. So was she participating in all of this process?

Well, kind of. Yeah, she's gotten a little bit older in this. She has her own chores and her own money that she gets to earn. And so we're trying to help her learn how to do that. Cool. Way to go, Bethany. Good job. Well, we've got a copy of the Legacy Journey for you.

That is the next chapter in your story as you move on and change her family tree and leave a legacy. Well done, you guys. Very proud of you. Thank you. Congratulations. Very, very neat job. I love it. Also, a copy of the Total Money Makeover, an extra one for you to give away so you can pay it forward

and get somebody else moving on this journey so we can keep spreading the good word out here on how to get out of debt and how to become wealthy. Well done. Jeffrey, Megan, and Bethany from Kansas City, $106,000. so we can keep spreading the good word out here on how to get out of debt and how to become wealthy. Well done. Jeffrey, Megan, and Bethany from Kansas City, $106,000 paid off in two years and two months, making $102,000 to $130,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one.

We're debt-free! Really good job. Bethany's been practicing. You can tell. She was counting a lot louder than her parents. I love it. Good for you. Well done.

Man, that is awesome. You know, they moved, they got new information, and they acted on it. Yeah, yeah. $106,000 of credit cards. Yeah. Credit cards. Credit cards. We just don't trash credit cards often enough on this show.

We really don't. We should trash them more. You know. So they had plastic surgery, and they didn't say, oh, I get airline miles. Oh, I get Discover Points. Uh-oh. And they didn't say oh i get airline miles oh i get i get discover points and they did they didn't start talking broke people talk oh because rich people don't say that stuff come on dave that's what broke people say i know i'm keep one card for an emergency that's just broke people talk oh you just made some people upset dave that's my spiritual gift. I am talented at that. Because some of the best things that have happened to me in my life are when I got pissed off and I had to go prove somebody wrong and I was wrong.

Yes, sir. Because I'm not wrong on this one. And so if you're pissed off because you're one of those little miles, like you're ever going to use that miles. Have you ever tried to use the miles with an airline? Freaking Jupiter has to be aligned with Mars. I mean, there's so many guidelines and setbacks and no ways to do it. And you know what she said? Trick to getting out of debt?

Yep. Cut them up. Cut them up. Cut them up. Cut them up. And after you cut them up, get intentional about getting out of debt. Yeah. Bottom line.

Yeah. Otherwise, you're a rat chasing its tail, man. You just go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. Except you're making MasterCard and Bank of America. Oh, make me want. I just got a little throw up in my mouth.

Bank of America. Ugh, gross. Oh, Lord. Gross. They make them rich. Don't make them rich. They're already rich. Why are you giving them your money in the name of airline miles?

Just straight up stupid. Hope I wasn't unclear. This is the Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Colton is with us in Iowa City. Hi, Colton.

How are you? Hey, Dave. I'm well. Thanks for asking that by yourself. Better than I deserve, sir. How can we help? Good. Iowa City. uh we're in need of rebuilding um foundations really uh we have a starter emergency fund um about thirty two thousand dollars in debt a mortgage and uh income that's not always predictable so i've got some specific questions for you but first i just want to know like what do you recommend to rebuild financial foundations in her marriage well i I think everybody has to have a voice in the discussion, and sometimes that's what happens.

And then the second thing that if everybody has a voice, the voice has to involve that as I use my vote in our marriage, that my vote is not for my selfish need or want. My vote is for the good of the overall family. That's how I'm using my vote. And so it's not like a little child, in other words, stomping their feet with a red face on the cereal aisle demanding Frosted flakes because I deserve them. And sometimes we get that little kid inside of us making our adult decisions called selfishness, and then it affects our relationships.

So couples that can rise up above their own selfish desires for the good of the overall family will ultimately get their own selfish desires for the good of the overall family will ultimately get their own selfish desires. But they also get unity then because there's some nobility to that. But most of the money fights that Sharon and I have had involve selfishness on one of our parts, usually mine. Does that make any sense? yeah absolutely i just i uh i got a a new craving for a new car and that's been uh not so good for us and so i totally get that yeah so that kind of explains you know what's going on with you that's not a bad thing that you want a new car the bad

thing is is if you actually acted on that while you're thirty two thousand dollars in debt and your wife's scared to death because she's worried with the erratic income all the time if you're going to have money for electricity and you come waltzing in with your muddy boots going i just bought a new car because i'm just the smartest guy on the planet and she's going to slit your throat you know that's what's going to happen right so that's that's what goes down you get you just get angry at that stuff but so you have to say hey i'm going to get a new car but the way i'm going to get it is i'm going to live like no one else so that later i can live like no one else because i got to clean this 32 000 up for the good of myself and the good of this family before i can even talk about a car yeah i'm I'm curious, Colton, what's the family household income?

Yeah. So it is, she brings home probably around $2,800 a month. That's after tax. And then for me, I'm a worship leader at a church as well as a wedding filmmaker. So that is super sporadic, making $15 an hour at the church. So it sounds like about $40,000 a week. About $40,000 a year? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah. So I can see.

Yeah, depending on how many weddings that we book. Because if we book weddings, I can make $40,000 myself with just 15 or so weddings. So what would a typical case study fight look like in your house? Describe it to me. About money, a money fight. Yeah. Yeah, a typical fight, I guess, would be I want to do one thing, and she wants to do something else with money.

So, for example, I want to, say, invest a little bit of money. She don't wants to do, uh, something else with money. So for example, I want to say, uh, invest a little bit of money. She don't want to do that. She wants to be rigid and pay off debt or I want to pay off a debt, but she's afraid of, uh, not having enough money for next month. Um, and so a lot of it's a pretty passive, um, passive aggressiveness aggressiveness uh we're not really like vocal at each other like that but um yeah it can lead to some tension yeah okay so that's where um if you'll start doing a detailed budget where every dollar of your income for this coming month has a name on paper, has an assignment on paper, and you agree on where it's going to go, and you're applying any extra money you can find in the budget to the baby steps,

and both of you are in agreement on that concept, then what happens is all you're holding each other accountable to is what you agreed to and that we're sticking to the baby steps and what here's here's exactly how this will go down the first month the first time you do a detailed budget where every dollar has a name it's going to be a big fight get ready you may need to actually stop midway through working on the budget and have a cooling off period and both of you go for a walk around the block separately because it's going to drag up all this stuff okay it's going to drag up all these insecurities it's going to drag up all these uh feelings of inadequacy where maybe i don't feel like i'm making enough money or doing enough it's gonna

it's going to drag up little selfish kid that's in the cereal aisle all this stuff's going to drag up a little selfish kid that's in the cereal aisle. All this stuff is going to come up. But if you can push all of that down onto that paper and say, the best way for me to have the life I want, which is for my family to succeed, is to follow these steps and have a game plan for the money. The best way for me to have security is to follow these steps. Then you're going to begin to get the emotions under control. The second month, there will be some rough spots in the discussion the third time you do the budget the third month it'll actually start to work but i'm going to promise you some pain

between now and the third month and and correct me if i'm wrong dave because i'm not married but from a money perspective colton i would suggest to help you kind of ease that pain a little bit. Maybe you and your wife talk about what the success looked like for us five, 10 years from now. What is our vision? What are we aiming for? Is it to be debt free? Is it to buy a home? Is it to go on a dream vacation? Is it to build wealth? And then once you identify that success, that vision, then the budget helps you get to that. Then the budget and we'll be like, all right, is this going to if me buying a new car, is me doing this, is that helping us get towards the next five to 10 years? And if you're following the baby steps, you don't have to have a discussion about whether to do investing or to do that.

You have that. We're working on the debt. There you go. So we've both submitted ourselves to this proven plan yep and so all i gotta do is go no it's not what the baby steps are because we've agreed we were going to do this oh i guess darn it that's right so the best way to get to investing is to get out of debt or the best way to uh get out of debt is temporarily stop investing and so there's a reason the baby steps are laid out the way they are and the reason the millions, tens of millions of people have done this now. Literally. Yeah. That's not an exaggeration.

And so you just say, all right, I'm going to do this plan that has worked for so many others. We are going to do the plan. We're both in agreement that we're going to do this plan. It's not like I'm going to do it and make you do it. We're both in agreement. And then when that feeling rises up and she says, hey, I feel insecure. I really want to start investing. The best way for us to get investing is get this debt clear.

Let's keep hammering the debt. There you go. Okay. Or, you know, I really want to, or you're thinking, man, I want to get a new car. Well, the best way to do that is get clear of all this stuff and have some wealth. Because, you know, right now you're too broke to be buying a car, you know. And so, you know, all of a sudden it all starts to become very, very clear. And, you know, some of your vision can be little things.

I'll give you an example. When we were broke, I clearly remember Sharon and I arguing about the food budget, how much she was going to spend at the grocery store. And she was mad. Because she wanted more food. Yeah. Because I was not being forthcoming enough on that line item. OK, and she was she was hot.

You know what Sharon looks like. She gets that look. Oh, yeah. It's a head gets cock a little bit. Yeah. And so, I mean, you can see it coming. Right. And she says, you know, someday, sarcastically, like he said, passive aggressive.

I just hope we're rich enough that I can just go to the grocery store and just fill up the basket. And I said, you know what? The best way for us to get there is to stick the dadgum budget. Hey. And you know what? Today. She will tell you that story today. She remembers that fight, too.

Are you serious? Because she says, sometimes I just go and fill up the basket, even though we don't need food. Just because, by God, I can do it now. Because we paid the price. We lived like no one else now, and you fill up the basket. though we don't need food just because by god i can do it now because we paid the price we lived like no one else now and you fill up the basket like no one else so maybe your vision is something just like that yeah absolutely what was that that was a sign of her insecurity because i had screwed up and lost everything and she's scared her family's gonna be hungry yeah that's

what all that meant yeah it was passive aggressive as crud is what it was. This is The Ramsey Show. Woo!