The Ramsey Show - App - My Wife and I Disagree About Downsizing Our House (Hour 3)

Episode Date: November 3, 2021

Debt, Relationships, Insurance, Home Selling As heard on this episode: Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

Thank you very much. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, a very exploding popular podcast. There you go. Check it out. You don't want to miss it. He talks about mental health there and boundaries and relationships and anxiety and how to get along with others and things that people don't know how to do in our culture anymore. So we'll talk here with you about that and about your money and your life. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Brendan is with us in Kansas City.

Hi, Brendan. How are you? I'm good. Thank you for asking. Yeah, I've been a big fan of the show, especially working the baby steps, but unfortunately that's not really why I'm calling today, more of a John situation. Okay. I'll try and be brief.

So my sister was going through a divorce, so we let her and her son move in with us. That went pretty badly. She's dealing with some substance abuse issues. And so we kind of confronted on that a few times. And eventually we kind of gave her the choice to either go into rehab and get help or find somewhere else to live. So she went into rehab, came back. It was good for a month or so. Relapsed.

And that's when we told her she had to go. So her son's living with us she's was homeless for about a week and now she's living in we flip houses on the side she's living in a house that was flipping um so that's kind of where i'm at she kicked her out of one house into the other one essentially yeah i just felt terrible because she had nowhere to go and me and my wife decided we could let her live in that house until we were done working on it and sold it but um that's not working either yeah she doesn't seem to be doing any and what's she what's she abusing what kind of substance alcoholism okay why did um what happened with rehab? She went through a 30-day inpatient program.

She got back. She didn't listen to any of their advice. She was supposed to go to AA meetings and stuff for follow-up with things, and she didn't really. She did all right on her own for a few weeks and just started drinking again and hiding it. Is she okay with her son staying with you guys? Yeah, yeah, and we are too.

How old is he? He's 13 years old. Oh, man. That's hard, hard, hard. He's surprisingly a great kid, actually, with everything he's been through. He's got an uncle that loves him. He's got a mom that loves him, right? Yeah. She doesn't know how to do it well, but she does love him. How can we help, man?

I just feel guilty like I should be helping her more or doing more for her, but at the same time, she's not helping herself, so why should I be, I don't know. I feel like it's enabling to continue to be there for her. I don't know. I'm just struggling with have I helped enough or should I do more or. Yeah, ultimately, you making sure her son's got a roof over his head and a family that loves him

and some sort of structure and boundaries is a generational shifting gift. And you have given her opportunity and another opportunity, another opportunity. I think it's going to be what you and your wife define by help. But at the end of the day, she's going to have to come to the conclusion that she's going to have to get help, be a part of some programs, change her life, and ultimately decide every day for the rest of her life that she's going to remain sober. And you can't do that. You can't make that happen for her. That's a decision that she's going to have to come to on her own.

Unfortunately, most of the time, people have to find themselves with no other place to go. Right? And that's hard. And it's heartbreaking. But at the end of the day, you're going to end up drowning yourself and your family trying to solve somebody else's problem that you can't solve. Yeah, and that's like, you know, I feel guilt about that, like I should do more for her.

Yeah. Let me help you. You may have already done too much. Okay. So here's what John said. He said, define help. So this is just regular guy talk because I don't have the letters after my name. He does.

But enablers, all of us are enablers sometimes. And an enabler is someone who is a very nice sweet person like you compassionate and all of us have some of that even me you got a lot and uh uh you know i have the ability to go there but what happens is where you cross the line and from helping or from loving someone well to uh being an enabler meaning you're giving a drunk a drink is the classic line, right? Where you cross that line is where you defined help wrong. And when you cross that line, when you say, I'm defining help as I'm now participating in the crazy,

assisting in the crazy, rather than pushing against the crazy. And so when you create a situation where she can continue in this, you're participating in the crazy. That's defining help wrong. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, I thought so. And so I think a negative default can be to cut off all talk. Until you fix it, you can't talk to us.

You can't see anybody. And what I'll often say is addiction is a communication issue. I'm sorry, it's a connection issue, right? It's a lack of connection. People go try to solve that connection through addiction. So here's a great example. I'm going to make sure your son always has a roof over his head. We're going to give him structure.

I'm going to take care of him. I'm going to be at Cracker Barrel every Saturday morning at 9 o'clock, and I'm going to pay for your breakfast, and I'd love to see you. But July 1, rent stops from us. You're going to have to go get a job and decide you want to get well. And what you're doing there is, and she's going to say, you don't love me, you don't care about me. No, I do.

I love you a lot. I love you so much, I'm not going to create a situation where you can stay drunk all the time but i'm not i'm not gonna i'm not gonna threaten my relationship with you i'm gonna keep showing up at cracker barrel i'm gonna keep taking care of your kid and um i'm gonna cover the cost of breakfast every time because i love you and you're my sister and you're gonna tell me some crazy stories and they're gonna make me laugh anytime you call me i'll feed you that's right but we're not going to pay for you to be in a situation that allows you to continue to be a drunk. That's right.

Because that's not helping you, and I love you too much to participate in your crazy. Yeah. And the moment you get out of rehab and you say, I'm ready, I'm going to my AA meetings, I do my 30 days in a row. I'll be cheering with you. Oh, my gosh, yes. I'll be there clapping when you get your coin. That's right. I'll be telling you how great you are.

I'm going to tell your son how much you love him every night. And I'm not going to shame you when you mess up. I'm not going to do any of that. I'm going to be here for you. I love you. But I'm not going to support you while you run the habit. There you go. I'll be your biggest cheerleader but not your biggest benefactor.

That's tough love. No, that's just love. Yeah, just love. And, that's just love. Yeah, just love. And hey, unfortunately for you, there is no easy way through this. Yeah, it's a pain in the butt. It's going to be heartbreaking. It's a pain in the butt.

Because you have to watch people that you can't control harm themselves. Not only you can't control them, but you love them. Yeah. People you love doing stupid stuff. Heartbreaking. They're everywhere. Good for you for taking care of that little boy. stupid stuff. Heartbreaking. And they're everywhere. Good for you for taking care of that little boy. Very hard.

Yeah, you're a good man. Yeah. You've got a good heart. Oh, so hard. So hard. Crazy in every family. If you think there's not in your family, it's you. This is the Ramsey Show. It continues to amaze me how identity thieves keep finding ways to use our own identities against us. Not only do they commit crimes related to financial fraud, medical ID theft, and insurance benefit fraud,

but now we have to deal with home title fraud. Thieves are using your own personal info to take ownership of your home so they can take out loans, and you end up with a pile of debt and foreclosure notices. Over 4,000 data breaches happened in 2018, exposing 3.6 billion records. So thieves have plenty of identities to use, and there's a one in five chance it will be yours. That's why Zander Insurance is the only program I use and recommend. Their plan covers all types of identity theft and it takes over

all the work if you become a victim visit zander.com or call 800-356-4282 well there's a lot of hype going on in the real estate market, particularly with buyers who think they have to buy right now. And it's going to happen. It's got to happen right now. I've got to do it right now. A lot of this is because mortgage interest rates have reached some of the all-time lows, and buyers are frantic to lock in these great

rates i mean when you're talking about something in the two percent range that's pretty crazy you know three percent was pretty much gold standard i mean my gosh and i remember selling real estate in the 17 market back in the day so i mean listen you're probably not going to get rates cheaper than that but that does not give you the green light to do stupid. Stupid as in buying before you're debt-free, buying with a no down payment, buying with no money. You know, this is going to get you ahead. So get your head out of the craziness for a second.

Look at your situation. Are you debt-free? Do you have the down payment? Can you afford a home mortgage, mortgage insurance, taxes, maintenance? Do you want to do all this? I know it's easy to get caught up in this, so here's what we're going to do. We've got a free mortgage calculator that will help you with the process. You can plug in your numbers and see exactly what your homeownership options are based on your budget.

Go to RamseySolutions.com, click Free Tools, and check out the free mortgage calculator. RamseySolutions.com, and click free tools. There's a whole bunch of free tools on there. The mortgage calculator is one of the more popular ones. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Caleb is with us in Winston-Salem. Hi, Caleb. How are you?

Hey, Dave. I'm good. How are you? Hey, Dave. I'm good. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So a little over an hour ago, I actually drove my 2004 vehicle into a tree, and it doesn't need to take much damage for it to be totaled.

Wow. Are you okay? I'm fine, yeah. I was wearing my seatbelt. We're all good. Um, I'm at home anyway. I got an ELP, uh, insurance agent earlier this year. And now I'm just curious. I call my dad to try to figure out where we go from here. And he's just saying, let's's just once we get our estimate let's pay for everything in cash and not involve insurance and i'm like what why did i get insurance then um so i guess i'm just curious like what would be the benefit of paying for it

in cash and what is the benefit of like involving insurance how old are you i am 29 and i'm just figuring all this out that's okay i want to make it fun of you i'm just making sure you weren't like 18 or something because um it does affect rates right um car insurance rates so um i mean you should have normal car insurance rates i do not know why you would not turn in a wreck at 29 years old have you had a bunch of other wrecks? Have you had some kind of violations or something? I mean, you've got like 73 tickets or... No, I have a pretty clean driving record.

The only time in my life I didn't turn one in is I had just an obnoxious... This is 20 years ago. An obnoxious... My deductible was $2,500 or something like that, or $2,000. And the damage to the car was $500. So it was actually cheaper for me to go pay $500 than it would be to pay out the deductible. Does that make sense? Yeah, that's a good point.

What's your deductible? That is a good question. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. So I'd find that out. Well, I mean, do you? I did look up the Kelley Blue Book value, and it's like $1,300 in my vehicle. Okay, so if you have a $1,000 deductible,

then you may be in the category of what John's talking about. And the insurance company is going to write you a $900 check for your loss of your... if you have a thousand dollar deductible and the car's worth 1300 you're going to get 300 bucks and your premiums are going to go up for turning in a wreck right on the next thing so your dad in that case would be right okay yeah you would just say because you're going to if you got a thousand dollar deductible the first thousand of the300 is out of your pocket, right? Yeah. And so you're hoping they give you the full KBB value of that. But if you have a $250 deductible, you turn it in. Right.

Okay. Because they're going to give you an $1,100 check then, right? Yeah. I guess I have some homework to do then. Yeah. Have you called your agent? Oh, no, because your dad said not to. No, not yet.

Yeah. Yeah. You need to gather some information. And your agent's not, you know, if you're working with an ELP to get insurance, that means they shopped at several different insurance companies, so they don't work for the insurance company. They work for you. They're an insurance broker.

And so they can give you good advice on this. But if you had a state farm, you call the State Farm agent, they have to tell State Farm everything. So the good news here is this guy's on your team. And so my guess is you've got a $250 or a $500 deductible, and my guess is you probably need to turn this wreck in because you probably don't have a lot of money to go buy another car with. Nope, I'm in baby step two. money to go buy another car with. Nope.

I'm in baby step two. I got $1,000. Okay. So I'm hoping you did not take a $1,000 deductible on this car. You shouldn't. I wouldn't assume so. Yeah, you shouldn't have. You probably have a $250, which would be fairly standard.

So you're going to get $1,100, $1,200 out of the insurance company, and you're going to put a little bit of your $1,000 with this because this is an emergency, and you're going to go buy a $1,500 car. Okay. With some insurance money. I think that's what's going to happen. Okay. And then you're going to have to stop your baby step two and get your $1,000 built back up to $1,000 again,

and then we're going to go forward from there. The great news is nobody's hurt yeah i'm glad you're okay man yes thank you it scares the crap out have you done it yes i'm still kind of shaking a little bit yeah like adrenaline adrenaline dump yeah it may take a few hours but yeah yeah your hand's shaking a little just from the the thing yeah i was i was going to the farm friday morning i come around this corner down here dadgum raptor goes completely sideways oh just i just about whipped it all the way around and it just got it was it'd been raining and man my heart starts beating right

now just remembering it yeah it's a it's a anytime you have that wow this is this is not fun about to tear up a good car here yeah Yeah. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry you've been through that. But I think you probably have a low deductible. If you had a high deductible, I think your dad would have been right. And he probably carries a high deductible, which is probably he's able to and is a more expensive car and more of a situation like John had. Well, and also remember when, you know, if you get in a single car accident like this,

you may have a ticket, and then you have to pay to have the thing towed. So there's going to be some money coming out of your emergency fund, too, to make sure you do it all the right way and get all your information, right? Yeah, because the car is definitely totaled. Yeah. I mean, if you bumped it, it's $1,300. You totaled it.

That's right. It didn't take much. Yeah. All right. Gabriel is with us in san antonio hi gabriel how are you i'm doing outstanding sir how are you better than i deserve what's up i need words of wisdom from you sir um i currently have uh three properties once a commercial property that one's paid off and then i have a residential house it's also

paid off and then the current house I live in I stole the mortgage on it I owe less than half on it for being there for less than three years I only owe 143 I built it for 320 and I owe about 143,000. What do you make a year? Between me and the wife ballpark I'll say about closer to between $250,000 and $300,000. So how quick are you going to pay off $140,000? I'm sorry? How quick, making that kind of money, are you going to pay off this $140,000 mortgage? That depends how the business responds.

So far, the business has been doing pretty good. I think so. You're making a quarter million dollars a year. Yes, sir. You're talking about profit, right? She brings a hundred, but I also have three professions. I'm a first responder, and I'm also an electrical and mechanical contractor. Yeah.

That's awesome, man. You're making a lot of money. I mean, you make $250,000 a year. You should pay this off in a year and a half, two years, shouldn't you? That's my intent, but, you know, we have some expenses like, you know, private school for the kids. Dude, you make a quarter of a million dollars. Yes, sir, but, you know, what I was thinking of doing,

not only is this a wise decision or not, you know, the house I have on the southeast of San Antonio, it's a small two-bedroom house that I had when I first, you know, it was just me and my son. I was a single dad for nine and a half years. So I fixed that house up. I made it nice. It looks real good.

And my fellow officer, who's also a realtor. Look, if you want to sell it, fine. You can sell it. But you don't have to sell it. You do have to get on a budget because you don't know where all your money is going. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Zachary and Tracy are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? We're doing great, Dave.

How are you all doing? Blessed, blessed. Blessed. Life is good, man. Good to have you guys. Where how are you? We're doing great, Dave. How are you all doing? Blessed, blessed. Blessed. Life is good, man. Good to have you guys. Where do you live? We're from Los Angeles, California. Awesome.

And all the way to Nashville to do a scream. Yes, sir. How much have you paid off? We paid off $150,000. Whoa. And how long did this take? 44 months. 44?

Yes. All right, cool. Just under four years. And your range of income during that 44 months? $78,000 to $150,000. Whoa, double it. There you go. Game on.

What do you guys do for a living? Well, I'm a manager at a worldwide media company. And I work from home. I'm a stay-at-home dad. And I run an online company. Hope you're doing voiceovers. Used to be in radio in Hawaii, actually. Ah, you got the pipes for it, for sure.

Thank you. Well done. Good for you guys. Excellent. What kind of debt was the $150,000? Well, $100,000 of that was student loans between the two of us, and then the rest was credit card and miscellaneous. Okay.

So you're just kind of normal? Yep. Just been gathering up. How long have you all been married? We've been married for over seven years now, but together for a total of 17. Okay. So what happened 44 months ago that broke this loose? Back in 2016, I lost my job at a company I was at for 10 years. I started there with 15 people and then we grew it to about 1,000 plus. And it was basically bought out. They attempted to get rid of me, and that discouraged me going back to any corporate job.

I was a repossession manager for an auto title loan company. Oh. So I used to be the bad guy. So it was a blessing in disguise that I was fired. And so after that had happened, I had done Uber and Lyft and Amazon deliveries. And eventually that led us to starting our own e-commerce business. And that plugged us into a lot of online groups and communities of people who are like us, small business owners. And I noticed that every time somebody would ask a question about personal finance,

your name would pop up. And I had no idea who you were. I'd never heard of you before. Finally, one day I decided to look you up online and it happened to be during one of your live shows. I saw a couple do their debt-free scream. And after that, I was hooked. I started listening to your show regularly, read the total money makeover, put together a budget. But I knew that none of that would happen unless we were both on the same page. So I told him about Financial Peace University, and he agreed to take the class with me. And at the time, we found out that we were pregnant. So we were very excited at becoming first-time parents, and it gave us even more motivation to want to get out of debt. But while we were doing FPU, unfortunately, that first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.

And so that was one of the hardest things that we went through on this journey because I lost all motivation. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I didn't want to see anybody. And it took time to heal, but we got through it. We graduated from Financial Peace University, and Zach was 100% on board and we both started attacking our debt together. Way to go, you guys. Awesome. You fought through a lot. Yes, we did. Job loss and miscarriage and everything. Wow. That's a lot to fight through. A lot of

adversity in 44 months. You kept going and kept going and kept going. You scratch your way through all that, you're going to make it. That's pretty cool. All right, cool. And you brought your little daughter with you. What's her name? Yes, our rainbow baby, Bella Gloriana. All right. Yes. Bella for beautiful, right?

Yes. All right. She's ready to see mom. She is beautiful. She's ready to see mom. It's okay, baby. I love it. Way to go.

What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Well, because we're a married couple, definitely being on the same page. None of this would have happened if we didn't share the same goals and the same dreams of wanting to change our family tree and to build a better future for our family. And for me, it's budgeting. I run online e-commerce. So it's a lot of purchasing, selling, whatnot. And communication has brought us closer together.

Even though we were married for seven years, I mean, and together for 17. We never talked about money until just a few years ago. And another key for us is giving generously. Before, we would only give like a dollar here, a couple dollars there, because we were scared that we weren't going to have enough money. But when we started the baby steps,

we started tithing regularly to our church, and that became the top line of our budget. And every time an opportunity came up for us to give, then we would. And we realized that by being generous and giving and putting kindness out into the world, God has blessed us in so many ways. Oh, yeah. So we're very grateful for all of that.

That's fun. Way to go. What's the name of your church? St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church in North Hollywood. Cool. And where did you go to Financial Peace University? Shepherd of the Hill in Porter Ranch. Yeah.

Yeah. Very good, you guys. Well, I'm proud of you. Thank you. Who are your biggest cheerleaders? I have a friend that I speak with daily. He runs an e-commerce business as well. His name is Jeff.

Hey, Jeff. And we actually, we kept to ourselves mostly because we knew that a lot of our friends and family wouldn't understand what we were going through. You know, we were all conditioned to believe that debt is normal, that student loan debt is good debt, and that it's necessary to have a good credit score. And we hope that our friends and family that are seeing this today will realize all the sacrifices that we made and why we had to say no to them so many times and that they realize um that they sorry um and that they realize that no debt is good debt and that um real wealth true wealth doesn't come from a high credit score amen way to go you guys so cool dude yeah just watching you two love that little baby girl it's so cool and she's not

going to experience any of this stuff she'll go through her life's hardships but she's not going to have this roadblock in front of her so congratulations guys thank you we got a copy of the legacy journey for you that's the next chapter in your story for sure is that changed legacy way to go and a copy of the total money makeover and you can of course give that to somebody and pay it forward and get things moving. So proud of you guys. Well done. Thank you.

Zachary, Tracy, and Bella. Beautiful Bella. Los Angeles, $150,000 paid off in 44 months, making $78,000 to $150,000. Count it down. Ready? Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free!

Woo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! So cool, man. That's fabulous. I think little Bella was a little scared. I don't know. I think she's heard her parents yell like that before. It's all good.

That's so cool, man. That that's so fun what a great celebration very very very well done open phones at 888-825-5225 griffin on twitter says john how do i find a balance between being a workaholic and being on Dave's program during and after FPU, it's so hard. I think you've got to have a mission. You've got to have a destination and a deadline, and you've got to do the math, and you've got to work really hard. That's gazelle intensity, right? Working a lot of hours does not mean you're a workaholic. No. That means you're in a season.

That's a hyperbole bunch of drama. That's exactly what that is. The definition of a workaholic is someone who's an addict to work, who's trying to achieve for their self-esteem, right? And it goes on for years and years and years. Yeah, and this is not someone who's trying to earn their way or trying to hit a goal. That's right. Someone working to hit a goal in a healthy manner and putting in a whole ton of hours for a short period of time, living like no one else so later they can live like no one else, living like no one else so later they can live like no one else working like no one else or later than work like no one else is not by definition a workaholic that's what somebody calls their friend when they used to hang

out and now all of a sudden they're working really hard so they can get out of debt and you say you're just a workaholic he's we should talk to him yeah no he's got a goal in mind he's laser focused on something well i mean uh i think the word is just misused a lot. And sometimes it's done facetiously, and sometimes it's just people who have a bad definition of it. My wife has said in the past, she goes, you know, back during those times, you were kind of a workaholic, and I really wasn't. I've never in my life drawn, well, I'd say maybe in my early 20s I did. But other than that, i have not drawn my self-esteem from my work or my accomplishments see i have i've had seasons where i was on call

24 7 and then joined the police force and then was working and then you're not working for a goal then you're working trying to fill an empty hole that's exactly right in that hole no matter how much money you make how much you can't throw anything you cannot fill it cannot fill it up that's all that's all that's a it up. That's a workaholic. That's a workaholic. That's a holic something. You know, it's something a holic. That's right.

When you're throwing stuff in that hole, that's what you're doing. But just simply working hard while you're in Financial Peace University working three jobs and get out of debt so that you never have to again, that is not the definition of workaholic. It's called a champion. Go get it, brother. Yeah, that's it. This is the Ramsey Show. Our scripture of the day, John 14, 6, Jesus answered, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Charles Swindoll said, Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Julia is in New York. Hi, Julia. How are you? Hi, Mr. Ramsey. Hi, John.

I'm good. A little nervous and excited. How are you guys? Great. How can we help? Yes. So just some quick background information and then my question. My husband and I, we're a young couple. We just had a baby nine months ago. Congratulations.

Thank you. Thank you so much. We're looking to get out of New York. We're just north out of New York City. Just craziness going on here. Very restrictive. We want to move down south to Florida. We just want to know if it's a good idea to sell our house now since the market is so hot. We are pretty house poor. Sixty percent of our income goes to the house. And if we should sell and then rent down there.

And if we do that, should we throw our money at the proceeds at the debt and save some to live off of since we do have a baby and it's a big move going down there, you know, across, you know, down the coast, just kind of looking for some guidance on if this is a good move or not for us. Well, if it's a good move, it's up to you guys. That part I can't decide for you. It sounds like you've already made the decision to me. And there's nothing wrong with the move that you're describing or your reasons as far as i'm concerned um the uh

as far as what to do with the money part um how much debt do you have not counting not counting your house okay not counting the house we have about 75 000 in consumer debt right and what will the what will how much equity will come free when you sell the house? How much money will you have in your hand from the house sale? I would say at least between $100,000 and $150,000, depending. Okay. So, yes, I would write a check that day and be debt-free. I would move to Florida.

And you've got $75,000 to put down on something if you want to buy something. Have you got jobs lined up? Not yet. I mean, I'm not going back to work this year. I'm a teacher of the deaf. I'm going to stay home with the baby and my husband works for the railroad. So he's going to keep working. We're just going to, you know, make ends meet on his income. Can he

move his railroad job to Florida? He thinks it's very promising that he'll find something down there for sure. He's been looking. There's a lot of openings. It's just a matter of finding something. That's step one. Yeah.

We don't go to Florida and hope. Right. Julia, I hear on your voice that you are in a panic. You've backed yourself into a corner. We've got to do it right now. The market's hot if we don't do it right. And you've got to breathe because what you're all going to do is you're going to jump off the dock and there's going to be no boat down there, and you're going to have a little nine-month-old baby

and you and your husband trying to tread water. Yeah. You're good. Slow down. Slow down a little bit. You're all right. I think everything going on with New York, it's just kind of like a... I got you.

I don't blame you for wanting to, you know, it's a bad science fiction movie, Escape from New York, right? I mean, so a lot of people are doing it. A lot of people escaping from California. There's a lot of that happening, a lot of migration in America right now. And it's not due to COVID. It's due to freedom. And so lots of people making the decision you're making right now. And so that's okay.

But slow down two beats. John's exactly right. So beat one is husband goes and gets a job. The faster he does that, you can go to beat two. And that's put the house on the market and sell it. Then you can decide, are we going to rent or are we going to buy in Florida? Because we're going to write a $75 going to buy in florida because we're going to write a 75 000 check and be 100 debt free see if you move to florida and you have 75 000

in the bank and your husband has a job and you rent a little while no big deal if you move to florida and you have 75 000 in the bank and he does not have a job you're going to burn through that money and you're going to be fretting and anxiety ridden and looking at this nine month old going how we're going to feed it and you're going to be fretting and anxiety-ridden and looking at this nine-month-old going, how are we going to feed it? And you're going to be all this other stuff going on. Then he's going to end up taking a crappy job, and then you're going to wish you hadn't moved. Yeah, you're right. And then whatever politician is going to get voted out with the flavor of the month, and New York's going to come back to sanity, and you're going to go, what do we do?

That's why I want you to exhale. Just exhale. Get this in the right order. He needs a job. The faster faster he gets a job the faster you put the house on the market faster you put the house on the market the faster you move and as soon as you move you're debt free and when you do that then we can breathe it's okay to rent for six months and take the 75 000 and look and learn the area, get comfortable, get settled in, because a new area is tough to buy intelligently in. After six months of renting, you'll make a much better purchase on a home. It does mean moving twice, but you've got a lot of comfort there.

If you're sitting on $75,000 of just... And you owe nobody anything. And you don't have a single debt, and you get inexpensive rent, and he has a good solid job equal to what he's got now, you'll make a very calm, wise purchase of your home in Florida. Or maybe it's not Florida, it's Alabama, or it's Texas, or it's wherever. Just breathe. Yeah.

And some of this goes with you're holding a nine-month-old in your arms and that's gonna say that nine you know i gotta take care of this i gotta take care of this feel the walls closing in on you and they're not just just breathe get some get some friends and i know that's hard to do where you're at right now get some people you can laugh with talk with turn the news off and uh breathe jim's in Hollywood, Florida. Hey, Jim, what's up? Hey, Dave, John. Nice to have you take my call. I appreciate it. Thank you.

How can we help? My question is, I'm sitting on a home right now. It's currently a hot market down here in South Florida. It's worth about $700,000. I'm totally debt-free, plus I own four condos that are totally uh you know i own them straight out and getting rent from that you're on the house the house is free and clear too correct okay and so between the condos and social security that my wife and i are living off of we clear about eighty thousand dollars a year on that. My question is, I've been wanting to move for the last couple of years up the line about four hours from South Florida. And the thing is, my wife feels like she has a

mandate from the Lord to take care of her aging mother, which is 89 years old. She still lives in the same home that she's owned for 30, 40 years now. And all the siblings are taking care of mom, feeding her and whatnot. But my wife is a little apprehensive about taking the move. And my thoughts were, if we were to move four hours away, we can come down at least once a week and take care of her, like, you know, stay on for two weeks, go back up, et cetera. And just want to get your thoughts on that. I think this is a bigger conversation than we can do in two minutes.

But I think what care looks like and how you're splitting that up amongst – how she's splitting it up amongst her brothers and sisters, what you guys decide you're going to do and making sure you're both on the same page is going to be important here. But yes, you can live in a different state with aging parents. Yeah, and you can make some trips back. Absolutely. And making sure that mom's taken care of can be a mandate from the Lord.

How it's done, I don't think is a mandate from the Lord. Right. So is it done by you making some trips down and working a system, a schedule with the brothers and sisters? That's okay. The other thing is, Jim, it might not be that long. Yeah. It might be this is just a gift you give to your wife to just chill for a year.

Or maybe you sell your house and move into one of your own condos for a year, and there a hundred things that could happen right yeah but i don't know that there's nothing again i'm not going to panic to take advantage of this real estate market seven fifty thousand dollar property in hollywood florida is not that super expensive that's mid-market and so um slightly above mid-market and so you know that's a movable property in virtually any economy. And so you're not going to lose money on this or miss a narrow window of opportunity to maximize your wealth building over this. You've done well. You're millionaires. You've got plenty of money. You're living fine.

It might be just a time that you're just kind to your wife. And she just takes care of her mom. If you sit for a year and you'll get mom settled, you'll get everything settled, and you sell this house for $650,000 instead of $7,000, don't hold that over your wife. Let that go, man. It's just part of love. It's not going to go down. You don't have to worry about that. I'm just saying, man, don't hold anybody.

Take care of your family. Yeah, it's worth it to do right by her. That's why you did all this. And you can do right a couple hours down the road, too. Either one's okay, but it's okay to just chill a little bit. John Deloney, good show. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be back with you before you know it.

In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.