The Ramsey Show - App - My Wife Is Done With Our Marriage (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 27, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, co-host of the Smart Money Happy Hour, and my daughter is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Dylan is with us in Miami. Hi, Dylan. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. I am 22 years old and I just graduated undergrad and got married the next day. My wife and I don't have any debt, but two weeks after our wedding, my mother passed

away. Oh no. Gosh, I'm sorry, Dylan. Was that unexpected? So yes and no. Yes, and the fact that she declined so quickly. She died at 61. So she left us her IRA, which has about $300,000 in it. And then the main reason I'm calling is because the house that she left has $60,000 left on it. And I'm just wondering, should I, what I'm planning to do is rent it out and have my renters pay the mortgage. But I also have the life insurance, which is, I got about 90,000 left on that just kind of sitting in my bank account. Should I just go ahead and pay the mortgage off completely and then have that passive income or what would you guys do? Wow. I'm so sorry. That's completely tough two weeks after you're married to make all these decisions. I wish we could slow down. Okay. Here's the thoughts that pop into my head. number one uh renting a property as a landlord is not passive income that's humorous

that's crap from tick tock okay uh because there's nothing passive about dealing with renters i've got a bunch of them uh i have been i am planning to hire a property manager. It doesn't matter. It's not passive. This is very active. You have a hassle factor in your life called renter. Okay? It's just part of it. And they'll be renting your mom's home, too. And they're going to be in the home you probably grew up in, right? Right.

Yeah. Yeah, that's weird emotionally. It's hard. Okay? So that's the number one thing. So can this be done? Yes, it can be done. You're 22. You're brand new married. In my opinion, the last thing you need is the hassle of a rental property. But if you're going to keep this and give that a try, you should pay it off. Okay? Okay.

Because that will lower the hassle. You won't have a payment anyway. And so take the insurance money out of the checking account and pay the mortgage off. I normally wouldn't like to make that decision on that property that quickly, but I will tell you, like, the home Rachel grew up in is now in my rental portfolio. We kept it. It is weird.

I haven't lived in that house in 20 years. It is weird to go over to that house with other people's crap in it still emotionally. And I landlord a bunch of property, and I grew up in the real estate business. So I've got a huge advantage over you and I'm old. I've done this a lot. Okay, you're 22. This is your first property. I'm warning you that the first time that they screw around with the house you grew up in,

they being the tenant, it's going to be emotional for you. Just be ready for that. Okay, no one is never going to be the same. It's never going to be emotional for you just be ready for that okay no one it's never going to be the same it's never going to smell the same in there okay uh and so all of that now so if you want to get a professional property manager that's great are you local dylan where the house is are you guys close i'm not i'm about i'm in Miami. The house is in central Florida. That's not too bad. I don't like long-distance landlording either.

So I'm going to tell you that with all the emotions, if we had a little bit of time to digest all of this, I might just sell it. But that's even a harsher thing than letting a renter be in it. So it's not an automatic thing that at 22 years old, two weeks after you're married, you ought to be a landlord. That's not an automatic thing. Okay. So it's an automatic thing you probably shouldn't do, actually, just in terms of quality of life for you. But it's thrown in your lap, and here we are.

So if you want to try it, just be forewarned that this is not it's not passive you're going to have some emotions around other people and smells being in your house no pets i love pets one of my favorite things on the planet is my little dog but no pets not in my rental properties okay we call them ten thousand dollar cats they devalue your house ten thousand dollars when they put the cat in there okay and so sorry that's the way that works so this is an experienced landlord talking to you dylan for you and your wife where are you guys at financially i know you said you have no debt um you obviously have this three hundred thousand dollar ira from your mom are you do you and your wife do y'all rent do you

own a home where are you guys at at? Yeah, we're renting. We're just kind of getting started financially. Our combined income is probably around $70,000 or $80,000. Okay. I would sell this house and buy you a house. I know. How much is the house worth? Do you know?

Right now, it's probably worth $250,000, maybe $300,000 tops. I would sell this house and buy you a house and when i say that out loud two weeks after you got married your mom dies that's very harsh for me to say that yeah it's hard for you to even hear that and think about that but five years from today you having this as a rental property versus you and your new wife having a new home to live in that that's a much better wiser decision and um i you know i know i'm asking a lot for you to process of a lot of emotions and you don't have to make this decision today dylan and you don't have to do it because i said do it but you know give yourself some time and kind of just you know maybe you try the renting thing for a year and i would still pay

it off and maybe you look up in a year and you and your wife like man we want to get settled somewhere you have a great asset that your mom left you which is such a gift and you can use that gift to continue her legacy i mean that what a beautiful thing that she you know it has for you guys so um maybe it's not right now but maybe you look up in six months and think, okay, we can make this decision. But for you and your family now going forward, you and your wife, you can really use this to jumpstart you guys. If this house had no emotion tied to it, if she had it as a rental property, you would have sold it already. You wouldn't have bought me and my bride a new house. You wouldn't be going, I'm going to rent and keep this as a rental property. And let me say this.

This may not be Dylan's case real quick, but the idea of having real estate it's a big deal it's a big deal people want a rental property i mean the idea of you don't want to have a rental property two hours away and be renting yourself yeah no i agree but i'm just saying i know dylan i mean i if i can get into a 22 year old's head what the the kind of content that's out there and what people are saying about about for sure personal finance will tell you you got to have a rental house yeah but it's a very appealing thing right to have this quote-unquote active income not passive but yeah so so there's a i i get where you're at dylan but i think what you have to realize is when you set

you and your wife up really well then in in 10 years, you could get into this. If you want all the rentals you want. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll be a millionaire now. And you'll have a paid for home for you and your new bride. The impact on your marriage is positive. The impact on your health is positive. The impact on your finances is positive. I just, man, I'm sorry. Sorry. You're having to make these decisions, but that's what I would do if I woke up in your shoes, sir. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you,

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So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for joining us, America. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Ha! Coming up is Jackson, Michigan. Mike's on the line.

Hey, Mike, how are you? Good, Dean. How about you? Better than we deserve, sir. How can we help? Quick question for you. I am retired. We are retired, and we have no debt debt and we're purchasing a new car and we could pay cash for the new car.

If we could get a financing deal and we can invest that same amount of money in CDs over that same period of time, what's your recommendation? Pay cash for the car or don't buy it okay yeah okay here's the thing okay how much how much your net worth about 2.5 million yeah you didn't get that by playing games like this you know well you got this by saving money and investing money. But you didn't borrow on a car and invest the difference. No. What I was talking about is... I know what you're talking about, but, I mean, my point is you steadily invested over a long period of time to get $2.5 million.

You did not borrow money and invest borrowed money to become a multimillionaire, did you? Correct. Correct. And now you're going back on all your old ways don't do it don't stick with the plan that got you here you're incredible man congratulations hero thank you i wish i would have found you a lot earlier would have made the path a little bit easier but i enjoy your show i don't think it's ever easy but you you scored touchdown in the super bowl as far as i'm concerned my my man. Well done. Thank you. Worked hard to get there. Thank you very much.

That's so cool. You know, it's funny that, Rachel, when you start paying attention to money, and obviously that's one of the things that's required to end up with $2.5 million. I kind of thought he was going to tell me that, by the way. Yeah. Kind of felt it. You know, he's just like, but people, they're thinking about money. Not in a negative way way not in a greedy way

not i'm obsessed with money but instead of just you know it's like people that drive and pay attention when they're driving and the ones that drive and don't pay attention when they're driving and that's what they do with their money they don't pay attention or they do and the ones that do pay attention if you just think about it even though he was getting ready to do a dumb thing but i mean he's a guy that thinks about it that's why he won yeah it's why he won and and i think this is where people can overthink something and take the math of something and think okay well i can kind of beat the system here because we hear that all the time right paying off your house or even debt you know people use debt and want to keep debt around because like well if i invested that amount of money instead of paying it off, I would make more.

And, you know what I mean? Like they start to, they start to overthink it where I'm always like, oh my gosh, you have to like untangle it. And almost in a sense, remember what brought you here? Yes. And what is the emotion that you have when you're not attached to debt? What, how do you feel? And that behavior part, I feel like some people, what how do you feel and that behavior part I

feel like some people you know jump but I but I appreciated his question because I mean I think there are people naturally that are like I want to do well with money what what's what what's the quickest path that's how you get point a point a to point b yeah exactly you're exactly right and so sometimes what can happen is you try to fix something with the math and you forget the heart. That's right. You know, use only your brain and not your heart because your heart measures risk and your head does math. And so if you're, you know, oh, I worked so hard to be debt free. And then all of a sudden you forget and go back into debt on a car.

So absurd when you think about it right but but at least he's on pat task and he's thinking about he's a person that considers these things and is asking questions yeah absolutely still curious yeah still curious yep two and a half million dollars in well done sir done. I'm proud of you. Steven is in Cincinnati, Ohio. Hi, Steven. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. How are you? Better than we deserve.

What's up? Good. I had a question for you. I'm well-versed in your program. I'm 52, and I've got three boys. One is a junior in college, or he's going to be a junior. The other one is going to be a freshman in college, and the other one is just going into high school, so he's not far off from college either. My wife and I

have made the decision to try to pay their tuitions in full. Good. And we've got, yeah, we've got good 529 programs, but they're just not going to cover all of it. So we're trying to make up some ground in a fairly short period of time. And I wanted to see what your thoughts are on basically moving the principal that we've paid into our Roth retirement accounts and moving that over to the 529. It's about $110,000. That would basically kind of get the deal done. And we ran the hypotheticals. I'm still going to have about $2.2 million when it comes to retirement time, which is more than enough for our lifestyle. So I just wanted to get your thoughts on that.

How much money is in your retirement now? About $900,000. Okay. And you don't have any other money? I've got our emergency fund. When you're saying pay in full, Stephen, you mean just like semester by semester, right? Correct.

For all three boys for all four years. What's your household income? $150,000. Okay. Go ahead. Well, I just want to make sure, Stephen, that, yeah, I mean, you guys will pay each semester when the semester comes. You're not looking.

How much is in the 529? Let's see. There's about $110,000 in there now. Okay. And what's the total budget for the kids to go to school, the tuitions? They're about, let's see, about 45 a year for each kid. That includes dorm and everything? Yeah, that's everything. So you weren't talking about just tuition.

You're covering everything. Correct. Okay. And so you've got 80 a year right now correct and you got 110 in there so you got a year's worth you don't have enough even if you move the roth uh well no so we can get out we'll continue to save for our youngest so we will basically you know fund that difference yeah but you don't have enough even if you move the roth because it's you you're you're burning 80 a year uh for the next two years

that's 160 and after that you're burning another 80 only two are in college only two i know two are in college now 40 each right yeah that's right. 40 each? Yeah, so 80K per year. And you got a freshman and you got a junior. So for the next two years, that's 160. You only got 210. Well, we'll cash flow some of it. So yeah, the math isn't apples to apples.

You're not going to get there. We'll cash flow what we need to. You're not going to get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when your freshman graduates, will you have two in school ever again, or is the one going to leave about the time the other one comes in? The one leaves as soon as the other one comes in, yeah. Okay, so once you get past those two years, you're at a 40-a-year burn rate, about the time the other one comes in? The one leaves as soon as the other one comes in. Yeah, okay. So you're going to be, once you get past this two years,

you're at a 40-a-year burn rate, give or take. Correct, correct. And that doesn't count them getting a job, which they need to do, and applying for scholarships, which they need to do. Right. I just, it just goes against everything I am to start cashing out retirement for college um i'm certainly not going to borrow to do it so i'd do that before i'd borrow and by the way you can't roll a roth into a 529 you can just cash it out correct yeah so it's not you said i'll put it in the 529 you can't but you can just take it out and spend it

and i wouldn't do that until I'd emptied the 529. I'd let it sit there and grow additional growth before you move it tax-free, right? And so you got – I'm going to try to make it two more years and get the first one out of school and then get down to the 40 burn rate. If you got down to the 40 burn rate with this money that'll get no that just makes it one year yeah it's interesting to me it's the you know it's it it rubs me the wrong way because it's kind of against the principle it's against everything i believe yeah i just i'm gonna do everything i can to not do it so so here's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna use the 529

i'm gonna cash flow like a bandit and and i'm going to put kids to work, and I'm going to go for scholarships and try to not touch this. If you do touch it, make it the last thing you do, and you allow it to sit there and grow until then. And so maybe only in the fourth or fifth year or whatever else. What else can we sell? Do we have any other assets? Do we have anything we can do? Because this $100,000 is worth millions if you'll leave it alone and not take it out of there. What it's going to cost you and miss is just ridiculous because you're getting tax-free growth on it. I hate to touch it. I really hate to touch it. So it'd be the very last thing I'd do.

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Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, one best-selling author is my co-host today in the lobby of Ramsey solutions on the debt-free stage Ben and Angela are with us hey guys how are you hello Dave welcome where do you guys live we're from Kennewick Washington Washington. Whoa, it's a bit of a trip. Yeah, that's the sane side of the state. You know what? Most of Washington is sane. There's a few spots, though, that offset it. Yeah, that's so true. A lot of states have that disease nowadays. Yes.

Welcome. Good to have you guys. How much debt have you paid off? So $436,959. Way to go. How long did that take? About six years, one month. Love it.

And your range of income during that six years and one month? We started at about $140,000 and took a quick dip for when the Lord blessed me with a job loss and then bumped it all the way up to a little over $300,000. Good for you. What do you all do for a living? I'm a registered nurse. Of course. And I help people get mortgages

that are 15-year fixed rates. Very good. I do mortgages for a living. Very good. So I'm going to guess the high amount, $437,000, in six years, maybe you paid off your house.

We did. I love it! Yes! Weird people! Our kids have told us we're weird for years but now we officially are now it's been declared on national radio yes oh man a mortgage broker with a paid for house that's so crazy i love it way to go congratulations y'all yeah how does it feel to have no payments um you know it feels really good uh knowing that's one less

stress in our life but uh we still live below our means and uh we have goals but uh we're not certain what we're going to spend money on here forward we're just kind of like okay what's the next goal but uh yeah we are very thankful six years of focus and now we're like wow what's the next goal but uh yeah we are very thankful to where we're at six years of focus and now we're like wow what do we do with with all this and so we started our next thing fund we have so many things that we want to do we couldn't decide so we just started piling it up in every dollar under our next thing fund and i'm sure we'll figure it out pretty quick so i like that that's so fun you guys so you So you have kids? We have four. Okay.

What are their ages? 27 is Kylie. Jacob is 25. Hannah is 22. And Abby is 17. Okay. So most in their 20s. And what do they think of mom and dad?

You know, they've been our greatest supporters through all of this and um i think it was our goal all along to make sure our kids um knew what that that journey was like and hopefully they became smart with their money as well so very good you guys are great examples thank you good modeling good modeling rachel always says more is caught than taught yeah very good so what starts you guys on this journey six years ago doing this Ramsey stuff uh so you know April tax time we sat down and we had our probably our biggest tax bill we'd ever seen and we were sitting chatting and we're like we also made more than we had ever made in our working careers uh and we're like wow wow, how do we make so much money, owe so much money to the IRS? And we felt like we were still living paycheck to paycheck.

Yeah. We were one expense away from a disaster. I think that's how we could sum it up. Wow. Yeah. And how long ago was that? Was that six years? That was six years, one month. Yeah had heard of Dave you know prior to that and and uh you know some of it sounded pretty cool but I thought I was smarter so you know mortgage guy uh so uh you know but you know we just we'd had our you know I had it moment um and uh we had also had a situation connected with us after get connected with us after that? I had a coworker, actually, that had turned me on to you. I read the book and listened to the podcast quite a bit, and we chatted about it probably four or five years earlier than that.

We kind of did, I don't know if you'd call it Dave-ish, but we did Dave a little bit. But once we had that I had it moment, it was all game on. It was just, you know. Amazing, you guys. Congratulations. He decides we're going to do this moment, it was all game on. It was just, you know. Amazing, you guys. Congratulations. He decides we're going to do this stuff. Angela, what did you say?

You know, we talked about it. Initially, I was like, I don't know if we're ever going to dig out from this mess. But we started, and I think what kept us going in the driving force was paying off the small debts and seeing them go away. And so it just kept us in that momentum. And we knew at that point that we'd get there. It wasn't easy, a lot of struggles along the way, but we made it. And so we're very thankful for that. Wow. So what was all the other debt? Part of it was the mortgage. I guess a big chunk of it. Yeah. So we had two cars and an RV for 61, six credit cards at 39,000, a big honking

$78,000 student loan. That was mine. The IRS debt that we chatted about 401k loan and about 190 for the snowball. And then it took us about three and a half years for that. And then we had about a five or six year plan on the mortgage, but the um, the last two years have been super good for, for my business. And so, um, we, uh,

we accelerated. Yeah. And, and, and now we're sitting, you know, with no mortgage payment and, and my business is extremely slow.

So, um, and, and I would probably be freaking out right about now and thinking about, you know, what the future would, uh, would bring for us.

But with no mortgage, you know, the future would uh would bring for us but with no mortgage you know i can don't have to worry about it yeah we talk about a lot on uh dr john's alone he talks about it too that even when you owe debt psychologically like your mind knows it's not safe because someone else has control over a part of your life and there is this deep sense of peace when no one has a say over your life. You truly are being able to control that. Did you guys feel that? I know, I'm sure with the consumer debt,

when that 190 was gone at the consumer debt, and then did you feel it again with the mortgage when you paid it off? I'd say so, absolutely. I mean, we had refinanced the house and done so many home equity loans that I swear our mortgage probably contained a pizza from college or something like that. Some shoes from Sears, you know, when they were still around. So, you know, I've been in debt

since I was 18 years old when I bought my first stereo in college at a little little mom pop store where you had to go in and pay cash for your payment once a month you know so wow um so it's just so it's an ultimate feeling for you to feel like have you never experienced it i mean since you're 18 yeah yeah yeah wow you ever go back never never never that's obvious yeah not a chance no not once you've done what you guys have done no this is impressive well done thank you so much thank've done what you guys have done. No. This is impressive. Well done. Thank you so much. Thank you. What do you guys tell people the key to getting out of debt is? We have a saying.

It's the three C's, communication, commitment, and compromise. And it's really the same as keys to being married for 25 years. We celebrated our anniversary three days after we paid off our mortgage. Wow. So that was a killer celebration. But communication, the budget meetings that we had, we'd never done anything like that. And it really just opened up a ton. Commitment, you know, commitment to each other, commitment to the plan, you know, just, you know, committing to it.

And there's a whole lot of compromise, you you know when it comes to these different things either wanting to spend money or not wanting to spend many different priorities especially after we hit baby step four five and six figuring out you know how much how fast to go after that mortgage and still live so yeah this is the perfect time for you guys in the mortgage business because it's tough out there it is is. Absolutely. Perfect timing for you all to be free. Congratulations. Thank you. So well done. Hey, we got a copy of Total Money Makeover for you in the Live and Give bundle.

You can give that away and help somebody get started. The Baby Steps Millionaires book, which is the latest number one, and that's the next chapter in your story for sure. And, of course, the financial peace university one year membership and again you can go through it give it away however you want to do with this stuff it's our gift to you to say thank you for making the trip here and to say congratulations we're proud of you thank you so much well done you guys very well done ben and angela from the state of washington they did it house and everything 437000 paid off in six years and one month

making $140,000 to $300,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! I love it, I love it, I love it. So fun. Way to go, guys. This is The Ramsey Show. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jake's in Canada.

Hi, Jake. How are you? Hey, Dave. Pleasure to talk to you. I never thought I'd be able to actually communicate with you, but it's a blessing. Well, we're honored. How can we help you? So a little bit of a back story.

I got married at a pretty young age. Um, so, you know, life was good. You know, we're doing the five baby steps. Uh, we managed to pay off a lot of debt and then, um, got, um, uh, three to six months of an emergency fund sitting. And, um, so year and a half ago, we were blessed with a little baby boy. And so now, you know, our marriage started getting really rocky. We had a hard time. And so now my wife, she's saying how, like, she doesn't want to be together anymore. She doesn't love me anymore. She's talking to somebody else um like in the

middle of the night i'll hear her on the phone with another person and uh i just don't know what to do with that and she wants to basically like live at home still like in the same house and so that she could raise our son but it's like it's a very like it's a very difficult place for me to be in so i just need some advice on that i'm sorry how old are you uh 24 okay dude you don't deserve this no it's uh i mean it's i mean it takes two to break a relationship right i'm not blaming her on it all, 100%, but it's, like, I wanted to make things work. We were seeing a marriage counselor and everything, and for a while there, I thought things were going good. And then about three weeks ago, she said she was done. Like, she was completely done.

And then, like, a couple days later, she was talking to somebody else already. So it's a tough situation and how old's the baby uh he's a year and a half year and a half oh jake i'm so sorry yeah i mean what do you do well yeah i mean in this case i mean if she's like, I mean, in a sense, having an emotional affair and she's, you know, talking to people and all that. I'm like, she's breaking her vows that she made with you and choosing not to walk down a path that you guys can have healing and move past this. And so, sure, no one's perfect in a marriage, but she's making these decisions consciously to go against everything that you guys had in your marriage. And so, yeah, I mean, what Dave said earlier,

but I'm like, at that point, she doesn't get a lot of votes right now in your life, in my opinion. Yeah. Okay, so let me back up and just address your initial question okay um if you guys can work this out and be married and with a marriage counselor walk through this this patch and she can set the phone down and devote her life to you you can set your issues down and devote your life to her that's great and i hope that's

what can happen if the if she actually gets once a divorce you can't stop her it's her you can't make other people do things okay i can't make my wife do anything believe me we've been married 40 years i can't make her do anything exactly and she really can't make her do anything. Exactly. And she really can't make me do anything either, in all fairness, okay? We all make decisions as individual adults, okay? So you can't make people do what you want to do, but what you can decide is what's right for you based on the decisions they're making. And you know when you say out loud,

we're going to get a divorce and live in the same house and be roommates that that's just strange weird and dumb you know when you say that out loud that it is all of those things right yeah yeah exactly like it's it's heartbreaking not even not even a possibility okay if we're going to go through a divorce that means we're not going to be married and we're going to have separate lives. No, we're not living in the same house. That's asinine. So she doesn't want to leave, Jake? He said she wants to stay in the house with him.

She wants to be in the house with you or she just wants the house? No, she wants to because she doesn't have a degree in anything. And for her right now, like the way the market is right now, for even renting a home would be super hard for her. So she basically wants to just live there. Like she does not want to go back to work because she wants to raise our son, which like it would be better for him, I agree. No, it wouldn't.

No, no, it wouldn't. He does not need to be raised by divorced parents living in the same house together. That's so freaking weird. It's psychologically damaging to your son. No. Yeah. No, that's not better for your son. It sounds this poor girl.

She's so screwed up. I don't want to work and earn money, but I don't want to be married well darling you can't you get to choose one of the other that's not the way this is gonna work out so yeah i i think if we're gonna get a divorce that she's gonna have to go get an apartment you guys are gonna sell the house and you're gonna go get an apartment okay no you're not gonna live together i mean yeah does that does that make i mean that you knew that right yeah i did and i just i just like i didn't want to be the guy to just like decide something you know and or to not work out in the end that's why well if you got staying in the same house involves healing your marriage i'm all for it yeah but not work out in the there is nothing where you divorce

and live in the same house together that works out in the end you're a highly unattractive single guy at this point that you live in a house with your ex because it says it has a big arrow above your head that says stupid okay oh my gosh no really that would not you don't want to do this you don't want to do this no i know you don't know but oh no no no no and and he seems like such a kind sweet guy person so to have the conversation with her jake is that she's doing this like that's my thing you're not the one putting her out on the street and not letting her be home with her child. She's making decisions about her life that is now choosing to isolate herself because she's chosen to go against her vows to her husband. So like, yeah, and yeah, and you're probably not perfect. I'm not saying

that, but like, man, it is, you reap what you sow. And there's a level of consequences that she has to face because she's making big girl decisions. And now she's about to get some big girl results. And she's got to deal with that. It's unfair to you to be the brunt of all of it. And she calls me mean. That was very kind. That was very kind. But man, it's just unfair to you, Jake.

I feel for you. Because you're a kind person. Even the way you're asking the question, you're so nice. No, I'm not sure. So there's a level of that. We're pretty sure you're not perfect, but you are a nice guy, and you don't deserve this. So, no, we're going to set up a normal process that says you have a future

away from her if she doesn't want to be with you. She has a future away from you because she doesn't want to be with you. We can't. And then you can move on with your life and she can move on with her life and we've got this connection with this one and a half year old and this is all the caveat that for some reason if there's an issue that she's running from the marriage to all these other relationships that you guys in counseling and therapy can work through and build a stronger marriage that's our number one right number one is that you guys can

heal this over time um but divorced and living in the same house is not on the agenda yes okay it's not on the scene it's not on the agenda we're just taking that off the table just not let's just be real clear if we hadn't already been the way you can look at some of these things sometimes when you're in a fog on the decision making folks whether it's something deeply relational like that where your brain just shuts down because the stress level is so high and you really can't see clear the way you can the way you can get clarity when you're overwhelmed with that kind of stuff is just projected out 10 years okay 10 years after moving in with your ex and living in the same house how's that working out for you yeah It's not. And he probably knows that,

but following through with that decision means confrontation with her, making her move, or he's moving, and like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, following through with the repercussions of that decision is messy, and so entering into that

probably sounds exhausting for you, Jake. Not his decision, though. It's hers. I mean, she made a mistake. Yes, yes. So that's what we're facing. But his decision of though. It's hers. I mean, she made a mistake. Yeah, yes, yes. That's what we're fighting for. But his decision of not living in the house with her was her divorce. Which is the right decision, by the way.

Instantaneous, yeah. It doesn't take 30 seconds to make that one. Not, three seconds to make that one. Sorry you're going through this, young man. I hope it works out. Doesn't sound like it's going to. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. Dave here.

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