The Ramsey Show - App - My Wife Wants To Keep Living Together After the Divorce (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze discuss: Dealing with tax implications after a loved one's death, Owner financing when buying a house, Starting a business with a baby on the way, Construction loans, Dealing with a cheating spouse who wants a divorce but wants to live in the same house. Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. We help people build wealth, do work that they really love, and create actual amazing relationships. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host here on the air, my daughter as well. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Starting this hour off is Dana in California. Hi, Dana, how are you? Hi, thank you for taking my call. I'm doing well. How are you?

Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, my husband passed away a little over a year ago and I know that you, yeah, I know that you advise people not to make big decisions for about six months but I have a nine-year-old daughter and he passed away in the home. So we sold the home. Um, and I took, um, one of the distribution, I took a distribution from one of his accounts to pay off our debt and put towards the down payment on the home that we purchased. We relocated. Um, anyway, now I have a tax burden of $33,000 because I used, I didn't, because I took the distribution from that account. And I'm just wondering if there's some loophole or something that my tax person is missing, perhaps, you know, because it's, it went from one investment to the

home, which is technically another investment. So just wondering. I was out of debt for a hot second, and now this. I'm sorry, Dana. I'm sorry. How old was he? He was 36. My goodness. Okay.

What other monies do you have? I have, well, I have my monthly income um what do you make and I'll make a little over 90,000 this year okay good so I'll be able to I mean I will be able to pay it off I've already run the numbers and I can pay it off in about a year but it's putting me I wanted to have the home paid off and just yeah it's just slowing things down. Do you have any other money? You say you took a distribution from this particular fund. What's left in it? There is another fund, but I can't do anything with it right now

because of the way that he passed away. There was no life insurance, but this other retirement account is basically at a standstill. I have it. I mean, it'll be fine, but it's just pending like a workers' comp situation. Okay. All right. And how much does it amount to?

That one is $168,000. Okay. When will that situation be settled, do you think? I'm hoping by June of next year. Okay. When is the tax bill due, next April or is it already due? It's due now. It was due last April.

It's late. Yes, it's late. Okay. I filed anil it's late yes it's late i i filed an extension but still extensions don't extensions don't extend payment due correct yes i only extend the filing so you it was due in april okay and um the money the the retirement account you took it out of was how much is left in it i it was 108 000 so i took the entire account and put it out of was how much is left in it? It was $108,000, so I took the entire account and put it towards my house. Okay, so you don't have any money left except the retirement that's in dispute. Yes, right. I have about $20,000 in other retirement funds. I have my retirement fund that's $10,000, and then I have another.

Do you have any money in just savings? I have my $1,000 emergency fund. How much? $1,000. Oh, okay. All right. Okay. Okay, the answer to your question is no.

There's nothing you can do. You got bad advice, and the moves that you made have pinched you into a corner because your house is not an investment that is transferable from a retirement account. Both are technically, you know, qualify under the term investment, but for tax purposes, they're not even close to being the same thing. So, no, you're going to pay $33,000 because you made a bad move. Yeah. So what I would do is this, is you owe, you have a debt of $33,000.

The debt is with the IRS at a high interest rate and high penalties. Okay? Yes. So turning it into a different kind of debt is not taking out debt. It's just changing the type of debt it is. So if you can go down to your credit union making $90,000 and borrow $33,000 and pay it off, that'd be the thing to do. Okay. I was wondering about that.

Yeah. The tax person said that they're good debtors. You might as well just leave it and pay the tax. Your tax person is apparently an absolute idiot. He got you into this in the first place, and now he's giving you that advice. IRS interest rates and penalties are nowhere even close to the credit union. They're a loan shark actually i didn't ask for anybody's advice when i took the um the distribution put it towards the home okay all right then i won't blame him for

that but no that's that's ridiculous advice so no you you can pay the irs off in a year if you want but you're going to pay a ridiculous interest rate i'd rather you pay off your credit union in nine months okay yeah i can go do that today i was wondering about that okay that's going to be your best move and then uh and then i want you to slow down here okay okay slow down but you know you you um there was there were some things you needed to do because of the situation. I get that. Okay. But you cost yourself $35,000. And I'm not picking on you.

I just don't want you to do this again next time. So slow down. That's why we tell people to move slow. Now, again, I get that you sold the house or you needed to sell the house emotionally. That's fine. But I wouldn't have minded if you moved into a rental for a little while until some of this stuff got cleared up, until you had the money saved up to do some other things, clear your debts. I would have advised you to go slower.

But that's okay. So it's a hard situation. It's horrible. It's horrible to go through. I'm so sorry. Having a kid and then this happening, Dana, at your age and situation, your mind is in a fog. So don't have the guilt and the shame.

No, I'm not trying to do that. No, no, I know you're not. But just saying to her, though, because I think so many money mistakes, whether you're in the situation or not, follow people. And I think people beat themselves up. They're like, why did I do this? Why do I do this? Because that number just continues to follow you.

So I, as much as you can, Dana, just let it go. You're a good mom. Knock the 33 out, but make the commitment then to learn from the bruises. And we always got to learn from our bruises. And that's all I want you to do. I don't want you to carry it as a permanent wound. That's not my goal here. But I do want you to learn from the bruise. So go take out a credit union loan pay it off don't take financial

advice from your tax person um they're apparently not very good at it and um then let's get paid off as quick as we can and then slow down just make 90 give yourself some room to heal girl you've been through hell i'm so sorry this is the ramsey show Hey guys, George Camel here, and I'm so excited to tell you about the newest product from Ramsey. It's called Gazelle, and it's a digital banking experience that will help you spend and save the Ramsey way with banking services provided by Pathword NA. You'll get a single spending account with no monthly fees, and it's FDIC insured through Pathword NA.

We're offering early access to our beta customers, so you can help us make it the best experience it can be. Just go to ramseysolutions.com slash gazelle to sign up for the waitlist today. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Parents, if you've got school-age kids, the last thing you want is for them to be normal adults, broke. You want them to be weird, not broke, like you. And that's why you've already got them listening to the Ramsey Show in the backseat of your car, all that kind of stuff. We're 100% on board with that.

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Good icebreaker. Gets conversations going among the kiddos. Grab one of our family favorite children's products. Help out with all this. We're all there to help you at RamseySolutions.com. Evan's with us in Winston-Salem. Hi, Evan. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. How are you?

Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, me and my wife, we're on baby step 3B, trying to save for a house, and we've got a chance to buy a house from a family member. She's my wife's cousin, and not really like a close family member, but they're offering it to us at 3.5% interest on a 15-year fixed rate owner financing. And I've called around to the bank. The best that I can do is probably around four

or a little over four and so we me and my wife we're longtime listeners and we just wasn't sure about owner finance center if that was a safe thing to do owner financing is as safe as anything else if you have a good attorney draft they equip draft the uh documents it's not a land contract it's an actual mortgage and the deed of the house goes into your name yes okay there's no land contracts at all we don't do those okay now the downside of the whole scenario you're giving the the other upside is you're going to have a lot less costs involved closing costs other things that you're going to not have with owner financing so that part's all wonderful uh how often do you have dinner with this cousin uh this is the first time that we've

spoken to them and probably at their wedding about 10 years ago maybe okay so you never see them you're not mad at them but you just it's not a relationship you have no it's just it's just not one that we have. Okay. Because here's the thing. It's going to affect whatever relationship you have. The borrower is slave to the lender. When you borrow money from someone, you change your relationship from cousin to master.

Yep. Okay. And so if your father-in-law loans you this money i would tell you no because thanksgiving dinner tastes different when you eat with your master it will change the tone the relationship of your between you and your wife your her dad all that kind of stuff never do that one but this one is really there's not much of a relationship here this is almost like a stranger. Yes.

And so I'm probably doing it. Okay. I agree. It's another one, Evan, in most of the calls, though, when it comes to borrowing money from family, it's just an absolute no. But there's these exceptions like this. This is so distant. Yeah, where it's so distant and it's like, you're really you're not going to be with them you're not seeing them every day you guys aren't chatting and talking and there's not really much of a relationship

to hinder because there's not much of a relationship so so in that makes nobody's mad we're not saying no no but it's just a you know the thing is if it absolutely completely went bad and went sideways and everybody was mad it it really wouldn't change your life. Right. Yeah. And we're not calling that. We're not saying it's going to happen. But the point being that, you know, if you borrow from your father-in-law, you lose that relationship.

Or a sibling or an in-law. I mean, a brother-in-law. Somebody you're spending time with. Yeah. But like Rachel's got cousins that she actually has really tight relationships with right that you would not do this you would not do this deal with them because it would change yeah not a chance i'm not changing because i'm telling you man the old joke is if you loan your brother-in-law a hundred dollars and he never speaks to you again

was it worth it right i mean you know so because it does change the relationship when you loan or borrow money it It just does. But the point being here is there's not much of a relationship to change. So, I'm doing it because it's a cheaper interest rate, saves money. Make sure you have an attorney close the deal like you would any other professional transaction. Get title insurance. Get an inspection on the house. Get an appraisal on the house.

All of those kinds of things you would do if you were doing a normal transaction uh to where you no one's getting screwed here no one's there's all very business-like and buttoned up all the documents are done they're properly filed at the courthouse a title company does the closing you do everything right here if you do all that right you're going to have lowered cost and lowered interest rate and it's a good deal go get it there you go. Matthew's with us in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Hi, Matthew. How are you?

Great. How are you guys doing? Better than we deserve. What's up? I've just got kind of a career question, but I was going to give you a rundown of myself and my wife's financials first. We're both self-employed, um, no debt other than our home. I make about one 20. She makes about 60. We owe one 60 on our home. It's worth about three,

three Oh five. Um, and I actually sell real estate, look really looking forward to the reality check. Um, and I'm just curious, should I take the chance, because I have an opportunity to start my own brokerage, but should I take that chance with a baby on the way with all the risks that we know come with starting your own company? So you're a real estate broker now making $120,000 a year? I'm an agent, yes. That's what I mean. I'm getting my license shortly, yes.

Okay. How long have you been selling real estate? A little over a year. Okay. I'm 22. My wife's 22 also. Okay. I was doing the same thing you're doing when I was your age, and I got my real estate license when I was 18.

Okay. So I know what you're facing. One of the things you're facing is it's tough to have credibility with people to sell them houses when you're only 22, right? Mm-hmm, yeah. You've got an uphill battle there. And having your own brokerage would probably help with that a little, or it might scare them even more. Well, see, I feel like I don't have as much of a problem with customers as I would with people working under me who have been doing it 20 years and think, what's this guy doing?

For how young you are, right. From like a leadership perspective, someone respected. Right. Yeah. And just with a kid doing October, it's like, do we take this chance when we're sitting pretty good right now? Yeah. And we've got a real estate market that is twisting and turning in the wind. It's very unpredictable right now.

I think the market's going to slow down. I don't think house prices are going to go down. We've already said that out loud, but I think it's going to slow down. So my only concern would be, Matthew, you got into the real estate business in the best time ever. So what you made then,

not saying you can't make that again by any means but it was probably easier to make what you made then then it's going to be easier to make that same amount in the next coming years because of the slowing and softening of the market so what's your wife say she says do it because it's a it's a pretty good option i mean it's a pretty good opportunity with a business partner who has a very good end i'm sorry a business partner who has a very good in. I'm sorry, a business partner? That's new information. Yeah, I would be opening it with a partner. No, don't do that.

Oh, really? No. You're already married. Yeah. All right. Listen, the only ship on sale is a partnership. The number of small business partnerships that survive one decade is very close to zero almost none of them do we work with entree leadership businesses tens of thousands of them and have for decades all across america and one of the

biggest problems they have is a stinking partnership it's gone sideways now the exception is medical partnerships and law partnerships but but they're structured differently anyway. It's a whole different set up. But two guys opening a real estate company, two guys opening up a heat and air company, two women open up a nail salon. This is just a no, no, no, no, no. You don't need a partner. Okay. So what I'm going to tell you is scary for me to tell you because I believe in getting after it when you're young and you're an ambitious and smart young guy.

And I hate to tell you not to do something. But while you get another 18 months is going to give you a lot of information about life. A lot of perspective, especially if it's your first baby, too. There's just a lot of change. Let the baby get born. Let's get past some of this rough patch in the real estate. Let's see what's going on. You save up.

You open up with your money. Doesn't cost that much to open up a brokerage firm if you open it up on your 25 instead of your 22 you're going to be just fine and um little patience yeah i think it's gonna be good for you Retro Cruise, Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in, we'll talk about your life and your money. Thank you for joining us. Joanna is with us in Montana. Hi, Joanna. Welcome to the Ramsey show hi nice to be here good to have you how can we help

yeah so I want to build a home on my on my land but I'm wondering if going with a construction loan is a good idea especially since I have no credit because we're debt-free. Okay. What's your income? Yeah, it's around $90,000, and that's my husband. I work at home. What's he do? Software.

He's a full-stack developer. Okay, great. Do you guys have any money saved, Joanna? So we have three months worth of money saved. We had a rough year last year, so it kind of depleted. We had

six months, and then now we just brought it back up to three after having a rough year. What's a rough year? What happened? He lost his job for a year, for a rough year. What's a rough year? What happened? He lost his job for a year, for a whole year, which was kind of really unexpected. Does he do contract work? No, no.

He has a regular work as a salary. Does he work from home? He didn't at the time, but now he does. Okay. And where are you all living now? Are you living on the land or what? No, we found a temporary place. So we bought a mobile house, gutted, because renting, it was hard to find rent, and renting

was expensive. And so my husband fixed up the whole thing while he wasn't working. And so now that's the reason why we're debt-free, because now we're living in a three-bedroom, two-bath mobile house. Is that on your farm? And we're just renting the lot. Nope, we're renting the lot. Okay.

And unfortunately, we weren't able to move it to our land. Okay. What are you going to't able to move it to our land. Okay. What are you going to spend on the house you're building? We were thinking around 300K, and we're thinking about 1,500 square feet. Not a huge house. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right.

But, yeah, with materials, everyone's telling us that it would be more expensive. Okay. All right. But, yeah, with materials, everyone's telling us that, you know, it'll be more expensive. Okay. In order to get a construction loan, you would need a blueprint that has been appraised by an appraiser. The bank that you're getting the construction loan, mortgage company you're getting the construction loan can help you with that. And you will have to have a contractor building the property building the house okay they don't loan money to people who just think they might want to build a house and i've never done it before okay so a licensed contractor a blueprint an appraisal very detailed financial package um and then you're you would qualify at your local credit union or bank

for a construction loan even if you don't have a credit score if you've got a steady job you've got this piece of property that's paid for what's the property worth um more than 100k yeah okay so you got effectively a 25 down payment in other words have a $400,000 deal if you put a $300,000 house on a $100,000 piece of ground, right? Yeah. And that'd be a 25% equity position from day one. So they'll take a lien against your farm, and then they will dole out the money to the contractor on a schedule, construction draw schedule, based on completion points as the house goes up when the house is completed you would get a permanent regular mortgage that pays off

the construction loan that's called the takeout loan and you will need to rearrange you again the mortgage company or the bank that'll help you with this they'll probably help you will get your permanent loan as well because you have to have what's called a takeout letter. How are you going to take out this construction loan? And you're going to take it out with a new permanent regular mortgage. All of that lines up as dominoes, and you can build now. How long is it going to take you to save $300,000 if you don't?

Quite a few years. Yeah. I mean, if you save $50,000 a year out of $90,000, it's going to take you six years. Yeah, it's true. So that's the numbers that are running through my head. Now, if you take that out and you get out a permanent construction loan and then you viciously attack that permanent mortgage after you move in and you pay it off in five or six years that'd be wonderful wouldn't it yeah it was as long as he's making 90 or more and if he's in tech world he

should be able to continue to do that yeah rachel went through building a house it wasn't using a construction loan a while back but it is a detailed process. It's not something you just walk into and go, oh, I want to put a house over there. Yeah, no, there's a work. Yeah, you'll have a part-time job in that process, but it's fun. But it's great, yeah, and I think it's exciting for you guys. And with the numbers and everything, you guys have worked hard to be debt-free and to be in the position you are.

And so, yeah, making a step forward i think is i think is great okay so do you does that mean you guys think it's a good time to build right now because not now but you're not ready now you don't have a blueprint you don't have a contractor you don't have an appraisal you don't have any of this lined up i mean you're gonna you're gonna break ground in next spring maybe in the fall but i would probably wait till spring and let some of these lumber prices and other things continue to calm down lumber's back down but some of the other stuff's not labor there's a serious shortage on still in most areas okay okay yeah i mean but you got a lot of work to do to get ready to break ground in the spring yeah well how do you know what order to do all these things like i i did call a contractor then they can they can help you start walking through that uh get in touch with churchill

mortgage and see if they can do a loan there in montana if they can't find your local credit union talk to them about a construction loan and a permanent mortgage they'll help you get the appraisal contractor can help you get the blueprint but you're gonna have to have all of that you can't just say i think 1500 and i think that's 3000 i heard that's what i heard it costs that's that doesn't work for getting a loan they're not gonna do they're not gonna loan that person money that does that you gotta have like airtight business case for this whole process whether you've got a credit score or not you've got to do all of that and the land helps her in that case because she owns it but for a lot of people and 100 debt-free helps her yes yeah yeah absolutely

but a lot of people that want to build don't have lands right to build on you have to roll the land into the deal yeah and then that becomes harder now you're talking about a down payment issue right when you do all that and that rolls in as well so um that is a question i've been getting quite a well at least on social media okay on instagram is yeah for the new new construction home buying is it a smart time to build a house that's there's a lot of people asking that i'm probably going to build one next spring but i'm not you are yeah but not today yeah i was gonna ask you where i won't ask you on the air well i haven't figured that part out yet i didn't know but uh well i

mean i you know we moved out we moved out of the big house yeah and we're living in a nice home but we had planned to build when we moved yeah i knew that but in the middle of all this craziness we're not gonna i didn't realize i thought y'all were gonna take like three years just to like do nothing just announce it to you right here on the air so there you go but the um anyway that's exciting good good for you the point is lumber has stabilized i think labor will smooth out by spring it's still there's still a labor shortage in general on construction so construction is a little bit wacky wonky still and i think it's going to be for a little while longer uh but i think most of the supply chain crap will be behind

us and that stuff and i think we'll have a more normalized environment and i kind of think the economy is going to be a little slower and so builders are not going to be quite so snooty uh about like they're doing you a freaking favor or something you know which is the way they act right now or particularly acted six months ago they can yeah because they can like six months ago they're doing you a favor or something and i don't need them doing me a favor i need them building oh we know that dave we know that oh my goodness this This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Rachel Cruz, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Jake's in Canada. Hi, Jake. How are you? Hey, Dave. Pleasure to talk to you. I never thought I'd be able to actually communicate with you, but it's a blessing. Well, we're honored. How can we help you? So a little bit of a back story. I got married at a pretty young age. So, you know, life was good. You know, we're doing the applied baby step.

We managed to pay off a lot of debt. And then got three to six months of an emergency fund sitting. And so a year and a half ago, we were blessed with a little baby boy. And, um, so now, um, you know, our marriage started getting really, uh, rocky. It was like, you had a hard time. And so, um, now my wife, uh, she's saying how, like, she doesn't want to be together anymore. She doesn't love me anymore. Um, she's talking to somebody she doesn't want to be together anymore she doesn't love me anymore she's talking to somebody else like in the middle of the night I'll hear her on the phone with another person and I just don't know what to do with that and she wants to basically like live

at home still like in the same house and so that she could raise our son but it's like it's a very like it's a very difficult place for me to be in, so I just need some advice on that. I'm sorry. How old are you? 24. Dude, you don't deserve this. No, I mean, it takes two to break a relationship right i'm not blaming her

on it all 100 but it's like i i wanted to make things work we were watching a marriage counselor and everything and for a while there i thought things were going good and then about three weeks ago she said she was done like she was completely done and then like a couple days later she was talking to somebody else already so it's a tough situation and how old's the baby uh he's a year and a half year and a half oh jake i'm so sorry yeah i mean what do you do well yeah i mean in this case i mean if she's like i mean in a sense having an emotional affair and she's you know talking to people and all that i'm like she's breaking her vows um that she made with you and choosing not to walk down a path that you guys can have healing and move past this. And so, so sure, no one's perfect in a marriage, but she's making these decisions consciously to go against everything that you guys had in your marriage.

And so, yeah, I mean, what they've said earlier, but I'm like, at that point, like she doesn't, she doesn't get a lot of votes right now in your life, in my opinion. Yeah. So let me back up and just address your initial question, okay? If you guys can work this out and be married and with a marriage counselor, walk through this patch, and she can set the phone down and devote her life to you, you can set your issues down and devote your life to her, You can set your issues down and devote your life to her. That's great.

And I hope that's what can happen. If she actually wants a divorce, you can't stop her. It's her. You can't make other people do things. I can't make my wife do anything. Believe me. We've been married 40 years. I can't make her do anything.

Exactly. And she really can't make her do anything. Exactly. And she really can't make me do anything either, in all fairness. Okay. We all make decisions as individual adults. Okay. So you can't make people do what you want to do. But what you can decide is what's right for you based on the decisions they're making. And you know when you say out loud, we're going to get a divorce and live in the same house

and be roommates that that's just strange weird and dumb you know when you say that out loud that it is all of those things right yeah yeah exactly like it's like it's heartbreaking not even not even a possibility okay if we're going to go through a divorce that means we're not going to be married and we're going to have separate lives no we're not living in the same house that's asinine so she doesn't want to leave jake is that like he said she wants to stay in the house she wants to be in the house with you or she just wants the house no she wants to because she doesn't have a degree in anything and uh for her to right now like the way the market is right now for even renting a home would be super hard for her so she basically wants

to just live there and like so like she does not want to go back to work so that's because she wants to raise our son which like it would be better for him i agree no it wouldn't no no it wouldn't he does not need to be raised by divorced parents living in the same house together that's so freaking weird it's psychologically damaging to your son no yeah no that's not better for your son it sounds this poor girl she's so screwed up i don't want to work and earn money but i don't want to be married well darling you can't you get to choose one of the other that's not the way this is gonna work out so yeah i i think if we're gonna get a divorce that she's gonna have to go get an apartment you guys are gonna sell the house

and you're gonna go get an apartment. Okay. No, you're not going to live together. All right. I mean, does that make – I mean, you knew that, right? Yeah, I did, and I just – like, I didn't want to be the guy to just, like, decide something, you know, or to not work out in the end. So that's why I figured – Well, if you guys staying in the same house involves healing your marriage, I'm all for it.

Yeah. But not work out in the same house involves healing your marriage, I'm all for it. Yeah. But not work out in the, there is nothing where you divorce and live in the same house together that works out in the end. You're a highly unattractive single guy at this point that you live in a house with your ex because it says it has a big arrow above your head that says stupid. Okay. No, really. That would not, you don't want to do says stupid. Okay? Oh, my gosh. No, really. That would not, you don't want to do this.

You don't want to do this. No, I know you don't. No. But, oh. No, no, no, no. And he seems like such a kind person. He's a sweet guy. He's a sweet guy.

So, to have the conversation with her, Jake, is that she's doing this. Like, that's my thing. You're not the one putting her out on the street and not letting her be home with her child. She's making decisions about her life that is now choosing to isolate herself because she's chosen to go against her vows to her husband. And you're probably not perfect. I'm not saying that.

But man, you reap what you sow. And there's a level of consequences that she has to face because she's making big girl decisions. And now she's about to get some big girl results. And she's got to deal with that. Like that's, it's unfair to you to be the brunt of all of it. And she calls me mean. That was very kind.

That was very kind. But man, it's just unfair to you, Jake. Like I feel for you. Because you're a kind person. Even the to you, Jake. Like, I feel for you. Yeah, Jake, you don't deserve it. Because you're a kind person. Even the way you're asking the question, you're so nice. I'm not sure. We're pretty sure you're not perfect, but you are a nice guy, and you don't deserve this.

So no, we're going to set up a normal process that says you have a future away from her if she doesn't want to be with you. She has a future away from you because she doesn't want to be with you we can't and then you can move on with your life and she can move on with her life and we've got this connection with this one and a half year old and this is all the caveat that for some reason if there's an issue that she's running from the marriage to all these other relationships that you guys in counseling and therapy can work through and build a stronger marriage that's our number one right number one is that you guys can heal this over time. But divorced and living in the same house is not on the agenda.

Yes. Okay? It's not on the agenda. We're just taking that off the table. Let's just be real clear. If we hadn't already been. The way you can look at some of these things sometimes when you're in a fog on the decision-making, folks, whether it's something deeply relational like that where your brain just shuts down because the stress level is so high

and you really can't see clear. The way you can get clarity when you're overwhelmed with that kind of stuff is just project it out 10 years. Okay, 10 years after moving in with your ex and living in the same house, how's that working out for you? Yeah. It's not. And he probably knows that, but following through with that decision means confrontation with her, making her move or he's moving. And like, do you know what I'm saying?

Like following through with the repercussions of that decision is messy. And so entering into that probably sounds exhausting for you, Jake. Not his decision that's hers i mean she made him yeah yes yes that's what we're but his decision of not living in the house with her was such a force which is the right decision instantaneous yeah didn't take 30 seconds to make that one not three seconds sorry you're going through this young man i hope it works out doesn't sound like it's going. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. Dave here.

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