The Ramsey Show - App - My Wife's Family Is Not Supportive of Her (Hour 2)

Episode Date: July 5, 2021

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today as we talk about your life, which is what he talks about on the Dr. John Deloney Show, or the John Deloney Show, what is it? It's the Dr. We spent weeks.

A lot of creative, brilliant people in here. Deciding what to name it. We came up with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Sometimes the most obvious things are the answer. Man, talk about tip your nose on that one, man. Jeez Louise. The Dr. John Deloney Show. And you need to tune into it on podcasts everywhere.

It is absolutely fabulous. I listen to it every day when it comes out. And the stuff you get into, man, there's some deep life issues and some squirrely people out there, some people's children. Can I tell you this? It was a heartbreaking moment. It was about three or four weeks in to shooting the show, and we shoot multiple episodes a week. So it got in there quite a bit, and somebody called with a question, and I just stopped and said, Why are you asking me?

And Davis was a haunting response. And I think it's all over the country right now. She said, I got nowhere else to go. And that made me, it broke my heart. People got nobody. They're going to call a guy they don't know on the radio, right? Like, you're the guy I trust right now. And so, yeah, the whole goal of that show, man, is to teach people how to reconnect with their neighbors and with their local communities and just learn how to be a person again, man.

We just lost it. We've lost it. Well, the advice is stellar. And so you guys check it out. And you can call in today, and he'll talk to you right here at 888-825-5225. You know the answer is more than just, I got nobody else. The answer is the other stuff she heard you do made her trust you. Oh, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know that that's what really happened. Yeah. Steve is with us. Steve's in New York City. Hi, Steve. How are you? Hey, Dave and John.

Thanks for taking my call. I appreciate it. Sure. What's up? Well, recently retired. About a year now, 53 years old. I have my work retirement, but my mom had passed away 18 months ago. We sold her house, and I inherited $150,000 that way.

Now it's up to me to invest it through mutual funds. I'm not super-duper comfortable with it, and I have some ideas, but I don't know between regular mutual funds, tax-deferred mutual funds. Do I go all in with the $150,000, or do I piecemeal it? Do you have any debt? Currently, just my one son's college. He's a senior. How much do you owe on that?

We probably owe another $35,000 for him. Okay. We need to set that aside, right? Yeah, we have that and we have some savings. Okay. And so there's no debt associated with the college. You just have an obligation. Correct. Okay. Do you have a home mortgage? Not any longer. Nope. Good for you. Good for you. Okay. A couple of things on investing. Let's start at the top. Number one, you don't invest in things that you don't understand. You never invest in things because some goob on the radio like me said do it, or some goob on the Internet that's even worse said do it. Okay, so you understand it.

The Bible says in the multitude of counsel there is safety, and what that means is you get some experts around you to give you advice and the advice is not that you follow the expert the advice is so that you understand something you didn't understand before so your financial people need to have the heart of a teacher so that when you sit down with your financial person and you get up and leave you need to know something you didn't know before you sit down. Every time. Every time. I spent an hour and a half in my office yesterday with our chief digital officer and three of our top senior tech guys, and they were trying to teach me. Oh, geez.

That's why you're in such a great mood today, man. About our digital platform. And I do not have to be a digital expert to be the CEO of this digital company, but I do have to grasp the vernacular, and I do have to grasp enough of it to help them to make wise decisions under their help. So the multitude of counsel, these experts, are in my office teaching me about my company yesterday. In this case, they're teaching you about your money that you inherited from the passing of your parent, right? And so you're going to gather that up.

You do not have to have an MBA in finance in order to make easy financial decisions, basic investing decisions. Now, so rule number one is you don't want to do it unless you understand it. Rule number two is you put somebody in your life that has the heart of a teacher. You can click SmartVestorPro at DaveRamsey.com or SmartVestor and find the person in your area we recommend. They don't work for us. They pay us an endorsement fee, and they have to agree to approach your investing the way that we teach and with the heart of a teacher.

I personally invest, Steve, inside my retirement accounts in four types of mutual funds, growth, growth and income, aggressive growth, and international. Outside of retirement accounts, those funds all create taxes each year as they grow. That's a problem. There's two ways to avoid that with your $150,000. My preference is, and the one that I personally do is, I invest in mutual funds, growth stock mutual funds, that have what's called a low turnover ratio. Now, are you ready for the teaching part? Okay.

Here we go. If you buy a rental house for $200,000 and it goes up in value to $300,000 and you still own it, you do not owe taxes on that $100,000 in growth because you've not sold the house. Agreed? Correct. So you've got capital gains growth, but you don't have any taxes because you've not sold it. Stock is the same way. If a share of stock goes from $50 to $70, you don't pay taxes on that twenty dollar gain until you sell it same is true inside a mutual fund the turnover ratio is when they sell the stock inside the mutual fund if it has a 90

turnover ratio that means almost all the stocks get sold every year, and so all those gains are going to be taxable every year. If they have a 5% turnover ratio, which is a low turnover ratio, that means you're not going to pay taxes on the increase in value until you sell the mutual fund, because they aren't selling the stocks inside the mutual funds hardly at all, much like that rental house or that share of stock. Did that make sense? It definitely did.

So that low turnover, what number am I looking at? You want an under 10% turnover ratio. Under 10%, okay. Because anything that turns over, they're going to send you a tax bill on the gain every year. Every year, yes. Okay. So you want it to not turn over hardly at all so that it only grows without taxes until

you sell it. Now, if you hold it a year, when you sell it, you're going to be taxed at capital gains rate, 15%, rather than the ordinary income rate, 30%, 40%. So the tax rate's also much lower for you. So it's tax-efficient two different ways. One is you're not taxed until you sell it, and two is when you do sell it, it's taxed at a capital gains rate. Your SmartVestor Pro can help you with every bit of that and finish teaching you what I

did in five minutes, but that's the whole thing. All you got to do is learn some basic things like that. They're not, this is not rocket science. You just got to have somebody knows their stuff and they show you how and then you know your stuff. So you do it smart. Registration is now open to attend our largest leadership event of the year, Entree Leadership Summit. We will be at the Hyatt Regency Orlando in beautiful Orlando, Florida, May 22nd through the 25th, 2022.

We always bring together the best leaders for this event, and next year is no exception. I'll be there speaking, as well as our very own Ken Coleman, Christy Wright, and Dr. John Deloney. We've also got legendary comedian and former host of the top-rated Tonight Show, Jay Leno. Best-selling author, Patrick Lencioni. Founder of IT Cosmetics, Jamie Kern Lima. American restaurateur, Will Gadara. Classic concert pianist and powerhouse speaker, Jade Simons.

Best-selling author, Henry Cloud, and more. These are leaders and speakers who have made their own rules in business and are going to inspire you to do the same. To learn more about the event and get your seats, text the word SUMMIT2022 to 44222. Well, summer's almost here, but that does not mean you can take a vacation from your goals because you're a grown-up. I know the motivation to stay in tents can be struggling this time of year, especially when that beach trip is right in front of you. Don't do it. And all the fun stuff. Listen, you need to stay on track.

You're a grown-up. You're not a child out for the summer, okay? I'm sorry, but if you live like no one else, later you can live and give like no one else. It's about getting the small wins that lead to big results over time. Then you can vacate any freaking where you want, any time you want, and that's exactly what you do with Ramsey Plus. Not the vacate, but the small wins. Ramsey Plus membership gives you the best digital money courses, Financial Peace University, and the tools that you need to keep moving forward,

like EveryDollar. Lots of, I mean, it's a huge offering in there. Your goals are worth working for all year long. Stay motivated with a free trial. Ramsey Plus, text TRIAL to 33789. It's a free trial. Text TRIAL to 33789. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com.

Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping. And with the new promos they number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping. And with the new promos they run all the time, you save even more. Use the magic word, the promo code Ramsey, and you'll get a deal. All right. Today's question comes from Travis in Texas. My wife and I have a lot of resentment towards her family because they are not supportive of her. They didn't attend her college graduation, and at the last minute, they canceled being at the dinner where I asked my wife to marry me. Recently, we had a premature baby,

which resulted in extended hospital stays, and her family never visited. This also happens around holidays and birthdays. My wife is more hurt than mad, but I hate the way they treat her. How do we move forward with her family? I think you move forward without her family. I think her family's sending you a lot of really clear signals that they don't want

a lot to do with you guys. Everyone I know has struggled with this in some form or fashion, Dave, which is I had this picture of what I thought it was going to look like when I got married. I thought our celebrations would look like this and they always had two sets of grandparents there and I always thought it would look like this and then it turns out it doesn't happen that way.

I think at some point you have to call what is what is and decide are we going to have a relationship on their terms? Are we going to have a relationship on their terms and are we going to move on with our lives mourn it be sad be brokenhearted about it and then start controlling we can control in this deal what do you think well that's probably one of the deepest hurts that's out there there is no hurt and it is a um and travis i wish i could tell you that it wasn't um that it was very uncommon, but it's not. It's more common than uncommon.

What's uncommon is where everybody gets along. Remember when I first met you, we talked about your kids, and you said, I'm friends with all of my in-laws. And I looked at you and said, I've heard that like twice in my life ever. Well, you know, it's also a decision. That's right. From both sets, right? In our case, it wasn't hard because they're actually wonderful people and they're fun.

And, you know, like Denise's husband's parents, Whittemore's, we go out for hamburgers with them without the kids. We like them. They're like friends, real friends. But we made the decision to do that rather than go, why are they over there instead of over here? Why are you spending time with them? And Sunday afternoons are always over there and you know because that's what people do

is that bullcrap yeah and no wonder you know and so shut up you know yeah just like don't be so dadgum needy but there's nothing that's the thing and most that's what most people do is stuff like that and something happened here like that it sounds like they don't like travis i was actually thinking they don't like you man that's what it sounds like but who knows they don't they don't approve of this marriage for some reason or another that's what it looks like and i don't know what that is it could be something sick and bad yeah or it could be that you know whatever um but one of the core principles you can't make them travis you can't make them happy. No. So all you can do is just love your wife and hug her because she's hurting because the very people that she should be connected to for the rest of her life

are not functional. Have chosen not to connect with her. They're not functional. So one of the things as a core principle of mine is behavior is a language. Right? And so look at what they are telling you. Not with their mouth, but with their actions. With their actions.

Y'all are not a priority to us. We don't really care a lot about this new little baby. That's cool. We don't want to spend time with y'all on holidays. We don't really want to show up at your graduation. These marker moments in your life, they are opting out of. They are telling you all you need to know about the status of this relationship. And so what y'all need to do is spend some time grieving it you said it hurts bad because she's

going to want to know for the rest of her life what did i do yeah that my mom and dad would do well or even if you know if you know they go okay they i'm married travis and they told me not to and they told me they weren't gonna have anything to do she made a choice and she said yeah but but she never dreamed they'd follow through on it that's right and they did so you got to grieve it and then you got to own what comes next right yeah and it's heartbreaking man and then hey when you're married to this provide some space for your wife to hurt every christmas and it may not be a big a big dramatic hurt but understand that every year this is going to hurt again right that doesn't go away it just is every mother's day every father's day it hurts man and so provide some space don't say things like oh you got to get over this

it hurts it just stinks when your mom says you know what i'd rather sit on my couch than come see you and don't um and i i also i mean you do what you want to do i'm just being an old guy here talking but um i i i would say if she wants to reach out to them, that's fine. Don't tell her not to do that. Absolutely not. If she wants to send her mom flowers on Mother's Day, do it. Every year. But also help her remember to keep her expectations low.

The secret to happiness is low expectations. You are providing a gift because it's the right thing to do, not because you're hoping for an ROI on it, right? But there's not going to – their track record – you should send your mom flowers, but their track record is you're not going to hear from her. And you should send flowers because it's right, and it's a way to honor her. But don't be all upset when they don't call because they're probably not going to call. That's right.

But let's do it anyway. You're going to send a graduation card. It's the right, respectful thing. They're not to send a graduation card. It's the right respectful thing. They're not going to come. Right. Right? And if they do, what a bonus, what a gift. And if they don't, it's what we knew was headed this way.

I hate that people live in this. This is so much more common than we know. I've often said sometimes the hardest stage of parenting is to parent adult kids. Your kids as adults. Because you don't get to parent them anymore. They get to do what they want to do. You just got to love them. And so you have to treat them like grown friends or something, and it's very weird and strange. And the number of friends that I have that are disconnected from their grown kids after they got married and something went sideways is astronomical.

So who's – help me with this, Dave, because I've wrestled with this. Whose responsibility is it to mend that? Is it the – part of me says it's the parents. Whose responsibility is it to mend any relationship? It cannot be one way. That's right, everybody. It can't be one way. Yeah.

You can go over and mend, mend, mend, mend, mend, mend, and they look at you like you're – Keep pulling the threads out. And they keep shooting you in the face with a bazooka. Then, you know, you can't mend that. Because, you know, that's just neediness and enabling, right? And codependency out your ears. Yeah. But on the other hand, you know, if anybody does throw a, you know, throw a rope over the fence, grab a hold of it.

Grab it. And let's see if we can pull together. I have sat with a lot of people who had loved what's passed away i've never ever heard somebody say you know we just told each other we loved each other too much i said i said i was sorry too much i've never heard that yeah i've only ever heard man i should but if they just look at you and go you're an idiot and you know i i don't want anything to do with you screw you yeah i don't care how many times you say you're sorry i don't care how many times you say i love you i don't care how many times you call me i don't care what you do you're just're sorry. I don't care how many times you say I love you. I don't care how many times you call me.

I don't care what you do. You're just, you know. You're out of my life. Hello. That's like, you know, she said she doesn't want to go out with you, son. You're a stalker. There you go. So quit walking into traffic and getting run over.

At some point, you're doing that to yourself, right? Yeah. And, you know, it's weird when it's, in his case or her case, her parents. That's what you would think they would be the grown-ups. But they're often not. A lot of times they don't have the emotional tools to. Who knows how screwed up they were from the generation before. They may have to be doing the best they can with what they got.

I don't know. You're dealing with messed up human beings, for sure. And what Travis can control here is his dignity. Continue to treat them with honor and move on with your life, man. Yes, that's very important to not. As angry as you are at them for hurting your wife that you love, you still need to not condone their behavior but honor their position. Fire plus fire ends up in bodies almost every bit of the time.

Yeah, it doesn't do any good, even though it's really, really tempting. Oh, man. Wow. Thanks for the question, man. It's a solid one. It's heartbreaking. It's it doesn't do any good, even though it's really, really tempting. Oh, man. Wow. Thanks for the question, man. I'm sorry. It's a solid one. It's heartbreaking. It's a solid one.

It's everywhere, though, brother. And I wish it wasn't at your place. Grieve it. Move on, man. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. This is The Ramsey Show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. John and Ashley are with us in New Hampshire.

It says on my screen you guys are debt-free. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Well done. How much have you paid off? $75,000. All right.

How long did this take? 11 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that time? About $105,000 to $120,000. Cool. What do you guys do for a living? We work for your friends at the KGB, actually.

Okay, cool. Hey, that admittedly took me a second because anyone in my life who would actually know the real KGB would probably be Dave, so it took me a second, but I got it now. The IRS. Yes. Yes. The phone calls that I take with individuals that owe balances are a lot different now. I educate a lot now.

Well, thank you. Thank you. That's very good. So tell us your story. What kind of debt was this? We had one auto loan, but it was multiple upside-downs wrapped into one. So it was like a $650 payment for one auto loan. Yes, student loans.

We financed our bed. We had a Best Buy card for the washer and dryer, and that was it. The way you said, we financed our bed. I've heard him make fun of people for doing that before. You financed what? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, haven't we all?

And so how long have you guys been married? A little over three years. Okay. So what happened 11 months ago? What was the turning point? Well, we were on our way to make another bad financial decision. We were going to our credit union to ask about their 40-year mortgage offer, and then they told us that we could sit down with a financial advisor

because we were members. So we got an hour, and he said, you guys have a bad debt-to-income ratio, so maybe hold off on that. Oh, when the bank won't take your money, that's when you know you got a problem, right? Yeah. So, I mean, I went home after speaking with him and, you know, just did what most people do, just checked out videos on YouTube and the algorithm hit, you know, Dave Ramsey videos. And I don't know, I spent probably the next two weeks just analyzing and analyzing until I finally brought it to Ashley's attention.

She was like, why'd you wait so long? Let's go. Let's do this. Ah, okay. We bought a PU right after that, and it was kind of, you know, hit the ground running. Just go. Game on. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear, huh?

Exactly. Yeah, the app said it was going to take 20 months and we did it in 11 yeah well that's because you decide to do it all and do it all with a game on attitude i'm proud of you mess with irs agents yeah very well what was the movie men in black They will get it done. Did you flashy thing me? Yeah. Oh, man. You guys, that's impressive. So well done.

So now that you did it, now that you're successful, you successfully got out of debt, something Congress can't do, what would you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Budget, for sure. We thought we were only going to have $100 extra a month to put at the debt, and when we did the budget, we found $2,000 that we could put towards the budget without overtime. Wow. Yes, and saying no. We have three young kids, so we learned quickly to say no.

Mm-hmm. Okay. And they didn't die? They didn't run away? They didn't leave you? They're not in counseling? Yeah. Right.

No, no. They're perfectly fine. They're happy with it, actually. We explained to them what we were doing, and they loved watching the colors of the car loan, you know loan getting higher with us paying it off. They would come in and check every day, and they'd get mad at us if it didn't go down. Ah, turned it into a game. Yeah, they were our biggest cheerleaders. That's fun.

Good for you guys. Well, it sounds like there's a lot of transformation happened in the house during this time. Yes, for sure. So talk to me about that drive home with your head held low to that husband who's like, man, I've got to figure this out. How's your marriage now? Well, communication is obviously – we both work there. I mean, everyone critiques us for like, or just ask, you know, how do you spend 24 seven with each other? Um, you know, and do all, and it's because of the communication and, you know, we tackled it together, you know, for sure. So, um, I am the numbers guy and I just, I would sit there and crunch and crunch, but she just

would make it work. She took over with the budget. We'd have the meetings, and, you know, she'd sit in there and do the transactions. And so it's just the constant communication back and forth. The teamwork. Precisely. Love it. Well done, you guys. Very well done.

I'm so proud of you. So this is an interesting thing I want to follow the thread through. You meet with the financial advisor at the credit union. He says you have too high a debt-to-income ratio, meaning you is broke. And you come home, spend a couple of weeks poring over YouTube videos. That leads you into Financial Peace University. What do you feel like looking back on that journey you've been through? Was the core message that you got from us that caused you to be able to do this? To me, preparing for the

future. You know, kind of like Dr. John said, you know, me hanging my head down low, like, how do I figure this out? Well, that was just for us to try to get out of, you know, my parents' home with three kids. We were living with my parents and, you know, I was like, how can I, you know, fix this, you know, with what, it was my student loans and, you know, that was one of the biggest problems. But, you know, it was just, you know, pushing through and, you know, looking forward to the ability to set them up, educate them so that they don't make the same mistakes that I do. So it's kind of like you're more willing to sacrifice when you have a higher calling, something other than just I want to buy crap.

Mine was the give part. Yeah. Being able to get to the point where I can give back. Yeah. That was the biggest thing for me other than setting my kids up for success. But change your family tree and generosity are non-selfish, noble, higher-calling goals versus, I want to buy a nice car. Exactly.

And by the way, you can do both. They're not mutually exclusive. But I want to buy a nice car someday isn't enough motivation to sacrifice. I want to change my kids lives you can sacrifice the six-year-old's already saving for a tesla because he's not going to borrow money from the bank he said he's going to save for it now i like this guy when he's 55 he'll have earned that money to afford that car he's got like 200 already he'll have more than Elon has himself, so there you go. I love it.

Congratulations, you guys. We're so proud of you. We got a copy of Rachel Cruz's book for you, her latest New York Times bestseller. It's called Know Yourself, Know Your Money. You guys are an impressive couple. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. John and Ashley from New Hampshire,

$75,000 paid off in 11 months, making $105,000 to $120,000. off in 11 months, making 105 to 120. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yes! I think I heard that family tree joining in.

Man. That's the way it's supposed to be. The roots called out on that one. That's the way the sound of a family tree changing right there. You get that chipmunk voice going in there with it. That's when you know you're on track, baby. Man. That gives me goosebumps when I hear the kids yelling.

It's fun stuff. That means they were plugged in. They were dialed in. They knew what was going on. And that's Sophia. They got it on our screen here. Sophia Jackson and means they were plugged in. They were dialed in. They knew what was going on. And that's Sophia. They got it on our screen here. Sophia Jackson and Grayson were joining in there. So congratulations.

And they got to watch mom and dad do hard things. And they learned, hey, we can do hard things. And, man, there's something about growing up in a debt-free house. That's a legacy shift. There's something about giving your kid, you know kid a car and a house and paid for college. That's cool. There's also something about letting your kids watch you struggle and learn

and grow. The word no. No is a powerful word. I can do hard stuff. Mom and dad can do hard stuff. I can do hard stuff. Love it. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Dr. John Deloney, my co-host today. This is The Ramsey Show.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jack is in California. Hi, Jack. Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. How's it going? Better than I deserve. How can we help?

So I wanted some advice on my current situation. I started binge-watching your show about three weeks ago and decided, okay, I'm going to because I want to buy a house soon. So I paid off all my credit cards. Um, but the problem I'm having right now is I have a car that I spent way too much on last year and I bought it brand new because I drive about a hundred mile round trip. Um, so I spent 52,000 on my car. Um, and it's about an $836 payment. Um I was thinking, okay, I'm just going to go ahead and pay this off because the value has already decreased to like $38,000

when I looked it up on Kelly Blue Book. So what I wanted advice on was I have about $20,000 in my savings. Good. And I put my 401K on hold just last week um because i have i had about 15 going in there um i'm 25 years old i got 40k in there which i want to use for a house um this year i'll make between 120 and 150 excellent okay so and you the balance on the car is what the balance on the car is about 47 000 because i the car is about $47,000 because I just bought it in September of last year. Gotcha. So you throw $20,000 at it, and that leaves us with $27,000, and you make $100,000 and some change, and you pay it off in a year, right?

Yeah, so that's what my question was because I was thinking of keeping like $10,000 in my savings. No, you need to get rid of this car. Okay. You're broke, man. $800. Yeah. No, it's ridiculous. Yeah, it's horrible.

I'd be freaking out. Yeah. And I realized, you know, watching your show, and then I started paying off my credit card. And I was like, you know what? If I want to buy a house, I'm going to have a mortgage payment and an 800 car payment no you're not doing that realistic i'll come to california and box your ears you're not doing that

no you you know you you're too smart to do that let me tell you where you're struggling okay you've learned all of this information and implemented all of this in a very short period of time your intellect went way ahead and left your emotions behind. Right. You know what I'm saying? Like you understood this intellectually and you went like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, and you start doing it, and then you're kind of like getting a little bit of emotional whiplash because this has all happened in a relatively short period of time.

Agreed? Yeah. And, you know, watching your show helps me out so much because a lot of this stuff is stuff that my parents are very frugal, and they taught me all this stuff. And they were freaking out when you bought this $52,000 car. Yeah, but they let me make my mistakes. Well, you're a grown man, and stupid's not illegal.

And you explained it to them in a good way why you needed this one, too. Yeah, 100 miles a week, which means I'm going to destroy the value faster. That was me justifying it in my head. Yeah, I know. I heard you. But I knew it was stupid when I was doing it. Yeah, I heard you. But you made me realize how stupid it is when I started watching your show.

I think you're smart, and I think you're going to turn this around. It's just the reason you're saying, but but but but i'm gonna keep the ten thousand dollars is is not because you intellectually don't see how this is all going to pan out it's because you've done it all in a very short period of time and you went from way over here in the land of stupid to rushing over into the land of the wise and you got a little whiplash doing it emotionally it takes your emotions a little time to catch up. So give yourself permission to go, this feels weird, but I'm going to do it anyway. And you feel exposed when you get down to that $1,000,

and I think that's the point, right? Yeah. We want you running. Well, and we want all that money thrown at this stupid car to get rid of this debt. But when somebody binge watches Dave, they realize, oh gosh, I'm not safe. And they immediately want to get safe now.

Yeah. And so I get that impulse. I got to hang on to this. And let me tell you the other thing. Those of you out there that are, you know, you've been broke for 20 years, living paycheck to paycheck. And you work through this stuff and you work your butt off and you're selling tents for three years. And then you're debt free and you don't have any payments. And then you start actually getting some money.

And then you look up, and you go, dadgum, I have several hundred thousand dollars, and I have no debt. There's another thing that happens is your emotions are still back there when you were broke. And it feels weird to be able to buy a $10,000 thing and just write a check for it, and it's not a big deal. Mathematically, mathematically intellectually but your emotions are like back there when you were broke right so you got a heel along the way too yeah i mean we spend more on copier paper and coffee here than i used to make right in this building i mean it's okay i have a thousand employees but when i look down at that number i see your heart stops numbers going through i'm like i'm that-year-old guy that's back there broke 30 years ago. I'm like, crap.

Yes. We spent what on coffee? You know, it's like, oh, it's a lot of coffee. So the last time I bought a new car when I was an idiot was a long time ago. I went to, we're looking at buying my wife a new car, or a used car. New to her. I thought, when did the prices go up? And she was like, 25 years ago. Yeah, it's that same. They want what for a used car and new to her i thought when did the prices go up and she was like 25 years ago right

but yes that same they want what for a used car but as you as you move away from uh one set of financial values and operating in one financial reality and you move into another one your intellect often goes before your emotions. Almost always. And then it's like later on. So I have to look down at the coffee bill and go, okay, this company did bring in $350 million, so we can probably cover this coffee bill. So shut up, you little whining boy.

Yes. But on the other hand, i look at that number and it just there's still that it still activates those old emotions and so that tells me that still today my emotions have not caught up with the intellectual activities required to run a 350 million dollar company and it may never it may well every time they do the company grows so i can't keep up. That's right. That's right. I can't keep up.

The same thing with me. Sharon and I were looking at buying something last night, and she goes, I want to get this, and I'm going to spend a lot of money. And then she told me how much it was, and I went, that is not a lot of money, you little goop. Buy it. But that nine-year-old little girl from East Tennessee is still like, whoa. Well, that one that was terrified and didn't think we'd ever be able to fill up her grocery

basket again in the grocery store, and now can and not think about it. But she's like, that's that was terrified and didn't think we'd ever be able to fill up her grocery basket again in the grocery store. Yeah. And now can and not think about it. But she's like, that's a lot of money. She's like a mischievous, like she's doing something wrong. I'm like, honey, put two zeros on it and we'll call it a lot of money. It's not a lot of money. I think, Dave, that is so wise.

Whether it's your marriage, whether it's your kids, whether it's you're in a new stage with your money. To always just pause have some built-in pauses to go here's a conversation we were having upstairs we're working on this new book we're you know we say here if you're not growing you're dying and i asked the team it just hit me like a lightning bolt what does growing mean to you what does growing mean to you and they were saying you know intellectual stimulation and exercise and a good morning routine and reading and spiritual growth and all these things. And, David, it occurred to me in this conversation. This is just yesterday, by the way, so I'm still processing it.

But when you go lift weights, you're actually tearing your muscles down. It's when you rest that the growth happens. Yep. And so it's both and, right? It's crushing it and reflection and so it's gazelle intense and i'm in a new stage you're busting the lactic acid man yeah i'm in a new stage in a new stage in a new stage and there's the pruning that causes growth yeah and man it's always a breakdown to build up always and when you it's when you read that hard book or

that hard class it's at night when you sleep. That's when the neurons grow. That's when the growth happens, right? And so it goes back to, it's both and. Maybe I should sleep more. I'll always tell you that, yes. But I love this. Gazelle, gazelle, gazelle. And hey, don't forget to be reflective and realize, hey, you're safe now.

You're safe now. And now we're going to start working about giving and building. And it's just keep letting your, make sure your head and your heart stay connected through this whole process, man. Yeah, that's – so, Jack, all of that rant to say that for everybody else out there listening, what you're going through is normal. Yeah. It's a normal part of the process for your emotions to catch up with your intellect. Take the whole $20,000 down to $1,000. Work the baby steps like you heard when you were binging.

And let's get that car paid off and get that debt out of your life. And the good news is you can look back when you're 54 and go, you know, one of the dumbest things I ever did was back when I was 24. I bought a $50,000 car. When I was 24. And you can look back. You know, you may have gotten the dumbest thing out of the way. I wish I'd gotten the dumbest thing when I was 24.

You may have already checked that box. The dumbest thing you're ever going to do could already be on the list. That's a win. That's a pretty cool life win. That's a good way to think about it. And at the end of the day, you end up with a $50,000 paid-off car. That's not a bad consolation prize. This is the Ramsey Show.

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