The Ramsey Show - App - NEVER “Invest” in Something That Goes Down in Value (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving and storage studios. It's the Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving and storage studios. It's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author of the book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future, and host of the Dr. John Deloney Show. A world-famous podcast on the Ramsey Networks is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jennifer is with us in Detroit, Michigan. Hi, Jennifer. How are you?
Starting point is 00:00:59 Good. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So my question revolves around my father, actually. So a little bit of a backstory. My mom was always the financial person in the house. She passed away about 10 years ago, and since then, my dad has come to me for most of his financial decisions. I'm on your path. I'm 41. My house is half paid off now. I zero consumer debt um is he is he doing
Starting point is 00:01:28 what you're telling him to do not exactly oh okay so he comes to you ask your advice and then does what he wants to do and then does about half of what you know he'll do about half how very dead of him yeah and six months later he'll say well you told me you know six months later know, six months later, well, you told me, da-da-da. I'm like, you didn't hear the other half of it. You're starting to realize that your mom wasn't as crazy as you thought, aren't you? Oh, 100%. And so for me to be able to sleep at night, I'll tell you the situation and the advice that I want to give him. And for me to sleep at night, I just want to make sure that I'm giving him the right information.
Starting point is 00:02:08 Since he's in a different place in his financial journey and age, obviously, than I am. Like I said, I'm 41. I have teenage children. It's a different story. How old is your dad? He'll be 65 next month. And how much money does he have? He's looking at retirement.
Starting point is 00:02:27 He currently at this moment has $121,000 in the bank. He owes $127,000 on the house, which is worth about $425,000. So my advice, what he sprung on me does he have does he have a retirement account uh no this 120 is what he's planning on retiring on which is actually so he doesn't have much money okay no this well which was actually a um a bonus an unexpected bonus that he got at work for 150 about two years ago and he's just been sitting your mom's been dead 10 years and he's not been saving any money correct wow okay um he did when she passed away he got a hundred he got a hundred thousand dollars from her life insurance and paid off um you know uh an equity loan that they have in the house paid off car you know paid off cars
Starting point is 00:03:20 uh reduced his debt but he's not saving any money. Correct, correct. So the other day he comes to me and he says, I found a house I want to buy. It's $120,000. I can pay cash for it. Isn't this great? And I said, that is great. Give me more details.
Starting point is 00:03:37 Then he tells me, which I have nothing wrong with, it's a double wide in a trailer park. What do you mean you have nothing wrong with it? No, no no i what what i have wrong with it is that it also comes with a 700 a month uh lot rent payment i got a lot wrong with it well yeah so well you know because i don't like trailers or people that live in them i just don't like things that go down in value exactly so he's only got a hundred thousand dollars to his name and he's going to buy a depreciating asset with it that's dumb and have to pay seven hundred dollars a month for the for their opportunity to lose all this money thank you so he you know i said that you i said you if you were a little bit aggressive you're
Starting point is 00:04:20 you have a six thousand dollar difference between what you have in the bank versus what you could do to pay your house off with. And he's like, but then I don't have any money. And I'm like, but then you have $1,000 that you're not spending every month that you would start building up that fund again with. I mean, I'm all for him selling the house and downsizing. I think he does not need a 425 000 house and downsizing into a house or a condo that's going to go up in value right you know i even told him i said if you had come to me and said this is the best neighborhood ever they have all these amazing
Starting point is 00:04:56 amenities and it's worth 700 a month i but it's not he's doing this with the mindset thinking he has to have cash in the bank. So he sells the house. He'll net about $300,000, and he thinks he's sitting pretty. The problem is he's still paying $700,000. He's trading off $1,000 on a mortgage. You know what a 20-year-old trailer is worth? Nothing.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Actually, probably less than nothing because you probably have to pay to have it moved yeah nothing they go down in value why not take the same 150 000 bucks and buy a nice little condo or a nice little cabin somewhere he has been you know i'll say you know i can't see me but i'm quoting he's been looking forever he's told me every year for the last 10 years since my mom passed that he's going to sell the house um but well i mean the answer to the question is you're not going to talk him out of it it doesn't sound like it sounds like it's one of the 50 of the stupid things you're telling him to do he shouldn't do he does anyway and he's probably going to do it so i can't stop him you can't stop him i don't know why we're having this discussion but the but the point is the you know should anyone buy a 100 000 trailer no there's not an instance in which i would tell you to do that not a single
Starting point is 00:06:15 one because what is that trailer worth 10 years from now less much less what is that trailer or mobile home manufactured Doesn't matter. If it had wheels on it, Bubba, this is what it is. It's a car you sleep in. It goes down in value. And I'm sorry for those of my friends that are in the mobile home industry, but you produce a product that goes down in value. So I'm not going to tell people to put $100,000 in something that goes down in value,
Starting point is 00:06:43 particularly when they only have $100,000 to their name. Now, if you want to go buy a $100,000 car and you have $20 million, okay, you can afford to burn $100,000. You can afford that, and that's fine. But this guy can't afford to lose the $100,000. And, you know, in the name of i'm going to move down now you're going to move all the way into the cellar no no and no i'm not a snob i'm not too good to live in a trailer it's not shut up you poor mouthers don't even bring that up that is not the case the situation is simply this the stupid things go down in value don't buy them now jennifer i mean i don't know
Starting point is 00:07:26 how much plainer you can make it or i can make it to where your dad's actually going to listen but please don't buy a hundred thousand dollar trailer that goes down in value and for god's sake don't pay 700 a month for the opportunity to lose this to rent the lot so what's the difference i'm trying to think of of somebody who's listening to the show and they're trying to find uh a red flag what's the difference in buying a mobile home for 100 grand and renting at a thousand bucks a month you're not losing money you're just paying for a service and number one number one we're not telling we don't tell people to rent for a decade yeah we tell them to rent for a period of time until they get out of debt, have an emergency fund, and then are able to get a home.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Renting as a way of life for 40 years is not something I'm going to sign you up for. Buying a home is something I'm going to sign you up for. And buying a trailer to live in for 30 or 40 years because, well, that's what I can afford. You can't afford it it you can't afford to lose that much money it's going down in value you're losing money more than the rent much more than the rent and uh and you can't get out of them when you're in them either you can't sell them you'd be stuck like a timeshare this oh god see not enough time, not enough time. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, those of you guys out there checking in on Ramsey,
Starting point is 00:08:55 let me kind of give you an update on a couple of things happening. We appreciate you being here. All month long, we're giving away cash. That's pretty cool. You could win up to a $500 weekly prize or the grand prize of $3,000 this month. RamseySolutions.com slash giveaway. While you're there, you can check out the $12 sale, total money makeover from paycheck to purpose, own your past, change your future.
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Starting point is 00:09:54 and we want you to be part of it. It's me and Rachel Cruz and Jade Warshaw. Jade paid off over $200,000 worth of student loans. Rachel Cruz and I have worked with millions of you over the years to get you out of student loan debt, and you're going to have to face this. We're going to talk about how we got into this student loan mess, the student loan debt in America, how we got here, and how we get out. September 12th at 7 p.m., a free live stream.
Starting point is 00:10:19 Go to ramseysolutions.com slash studentloans. Sign up for the free live stream. John Deloney and Rachel Cruz will be doing the Money in Marriage Getaway. There are a few tickets left. It is about sold out here in Nashville, October 19 and 21. It's a whole weekend-long event, several days, a three-day deal, right? Right. It's a full-on marriage retreat.
Starting point is 00:10:42 Yeah, and it's be held here at the Ramsey Event Center. But we've got all kinds of very interesting curriculum and content that you do not want to miss. And some party. It's going to be a blast. It's going to be a lot of fun. One thing about John and Rachel being there, it'll be funny. You can just count on it. And it'll be expensive.
Starting point is 00:11:00 Money and Marriage Getaway, October 19 and 21. And the whole gang will be in Chicago. Those of you in that area, just a little north of Chicago, up on the Willow Creek campus, we're going to be doing an event there on September 15 and 16, just a few weeks away, the SMART Conference, Friday evening and all day Saturday, talking about how to get the career on track, mental health issues John will be dealing with. We'll certainly be dealing with money issues and student loan issues on that day as well. The Smart Conference, Chicago, September 15th, 16th.
Starting point is 00:11:32 So that's a bunch of stuff going on around Ramsey right now. You can find all of it at ramseysolutions.com. Stop by there, and we would love to have you. A lot of the things I just mentioned are very inexpensive or they're free, so pretty cool. Now, the VIP stuff for the Smart Conference is all sold out, but there is some general admission tickets, and we would love to have you. And we have some special programs to upgrade you. If you come in on GA, you might end up somewhere else.
Starting point is 00:11:58 So be sure and check that out. Again, Chicago, September 15 and 16. Joe's in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Hi, Joe. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, how are you? Better than I deserve. What's up?
Starting point is 00:12:13 So my girlfriend and I, we own a duplex. We bought in 2020, around October, and we were thinking about moving, uh, somewhere else. Currently we live in the bottom half and we were renting the top unit, um, up until recently our, our last tenant just moved out. Um, we kind of don't, I don't want to say we're over the landlord life, but, um, we're not sure if we want to use the space, um, for, you know, we both work from home. So we're over the landlord life, but, um, we're not sure if we want to use the space, um, for, you know, we both work from home. So we're considering using it as like a home office, um, or renting it out or just moving entirely and either renting out both units and taking that income towards whatever, whatever we decide to either rent or buy or selling it completely and just moving away from it
Starting point is 00:13:12 and buying something new. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That's the one you're going to do because you already decided that before you called me. You're done, homie. What's that, sell it? You're out. You're out. You're done homie what's that sell it you're out yeah you're out you're done you everything in your language your voice tone everything said you
Starting point is 00:13:30 were done you're ready to move and have a fresh new clean thing and you don't want renters anymore it's all over you often often people call and we're trying to talk them out of their hysteria because what they're proposing with the real estate deal is insane you're the exact opposite you've already you've already settled on this you just want someone to tell you you're not insane you're not insane i would sell the crap out of this thing and i mean in three years i think we paid 164 we've done some renovations we've improved the kitchen in the backyard and everything so i think we could maybe make some money off of it probably sell it for 200 something yeah good um but also the area that we're living in is kind of developing they're doing a lot of you know you know up the road joe yeah you're over it you're over it
Starting point is 00:14:18 don't talk yourself back into it you're not gonna talk me into it you're over it yeah this is how ulcers are formed when reality is in front of you and you're like yeah but one time they're gonna edge and they're gonna put a curb in you know i let me tell you man i i got a in the real estate business i was 18 years old and this old man had this uh piece of property that was about five miles from the commercial area it was was a piece of farmland. And he wanted like a million dollars for it. It was worth $100,000. And he said, but someday it's going to be commercial.
Starting point is 00:14:53 It's been 40 years. Still not. It just now turned commercial. He died a decade ago. But it just now turned commercial. I mean, you know, can you can what if if ands and buts and all that the rest of your life on real estate it always moves at a different speed than we think it's going to faster or slower doesn't matter none of that matters you're done
Starting point is 00:15:15 with this situation it aren't you right aren't you well emotionally you're done with it well the one thing is just living underneath yeah it's what i've done but you don't have to apologize it's okay we move and we rent both if you listen to the show i tell people not to buy duplexes with a tenant next door but if you're going to you must understand the good news is your tenant is next door you can find them the bad news is your tenant is next door they can find you right that's what you discovered right well the the one situation i wanted to ask is if we move out and we rent the bottom and the top and we're no longer there and we're using that income towards you know a rental or something is that not worth it
Starting point is 00:15:56 not worth the headache or rental property is fine but joe doesn't like renters. Yeah, it's a lot. I mean, yeah. Joe, I'm not talking about everybody else, and I'm not talking about the concept of investment real estate. I'm talking about you. You're done. You don't want this anymore. Someday later, you may want to be a landlord again.
Starting point is 00:16:20 But right now, you've had your trip on the crazy train, and you're tired of the crazy train that's true yeah yeah that's okay take a break from crazy go get you a house and by the way don't buy a house with somebody you're not married to again okay well you're gonna get bit you're gonna get bit if you listen if you're gonna buy a house with her put a ring on it buddy because you're gonna get yourself in a mess legally because you can't going to buy a house with her, put a ring on it, buddy, because you're going to get yourself in a mess legally because you can't break up with a house. You can break up with a girl.
Starting point is 00:16:51 But the house, both of you own together, and you don't have the benefit of divorce court for the judge to tell you what to do because you are not in a marriage. You are in a partnership without any partnership documents. And so if she just decides to run off tomorrow to wherever 10 buck two and you can't find her oh well you own a house and you can't sell it because you be stuck i know she's not gonna go crazy but those tenants were going to be easy to work with that was passive income and so things don't always turn out exactly like we think they're
Starting point is 00:17:24 going to please for god's sakes don't buy another house with somebody you're not married to people stop doing that you get we see people in our dadgum counseling offices every week financial disasters getting foreclosed on they should be able to sell the house there's plenty of equity but we can't find said x who spun out and took off and wasn't married to. And we would not have jobs if it didn't happen to you. Yep. It can always happen to you. That's what makes us so relevant.
Starting point is 00:17:57 This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for being with us, America. We're so glad you're here. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Devin is in Portland, Oregon. Hi, Devin. How are you?
Starting point is 00:18:20 Hey, Dave. Thanks for taking my call. I guess I can start this off with, you know, I got a lot of respect for you. Kind of nervous and excited to talk to you at the same time. Well, thank you. How can we help? Well, so I guess trying to sum things up here the best that I can without giving my whole entire life story. I got out of about a year ago, about a 10 year long relationship and, uh, the last like three years of that 10 year long relationship were pretty much just like
Starting point is 00:18:50 a downhill coming to the end. And it was a lot of denial on, on my part. And, um, so having said that within those three years, you know, I basically, I went from like pretty, pretty good standing, um, financially sitting, and then, uh, basically just kind of burned my life down to the ground because I found, you know, I could find some type of happiness and buying stuff. And so over the last three years, I got myself and some dad. Um, and I guess to add onto that, and one thing I didn't tell the guy over the, um, you're, uh, one of the guy that, that basically I've been working with to even talk to you.
Starting point is 00:19:27 And, um, is that also around that time, um, I was given the opportunity to assume my grandparents loan for their house and their property, but that's something they want to give me as kind of an inheritance thing. Um, and I, I dragged my feet on it. Um, but it was also at the same time that the whole, my past relationship was starting to fall apart. And so I just basically spiraled. Um, and then from there, everything kind of fell apart and I'm just now kind of rebuilding my life.
Starting point is 00:20:01 The last year I found a new woman, um, in the word it's, she is,, she is straight up a blessing from God and we're actually getting ready to get married here pretty soon. And so I'm not really in the financial situation. Um, and like, I have this urgency that I need to get this thing done with the house as fast as possible. Um, but I'm not financially able to do at this moment. And, um, my credit isn't as good as it was back when I first got broached this idea. So I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of, my life right now is kind of a little on the chaotic side between the marriage thing and also just, you know, this real sense of,
Starting point is 00:20:37 how can we best help you? Well, I guess, what would you do in my situation? Do you know much about loan assumptions? Like, do you have to have super great credit? I mean, what? Well, you have to have the same credit as if you're going to get a loan because you're basically taking out a loan. I've never had a house before.
Starting point is 00:20:59 Yeah. Not sure you need a house. Okay, so here's the thing. What you're describing, and you used the word a couple of times, and you described it well, is chaos. And so, you know, what we would want for you is to move from chaos towards order. And what that involves usually is simplifying things and cleaning things up, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:28 And making real clear decisions. Some of those decisions are a yes. Some of those decisions are a no, and so on. And I think that's the biggest way you can be a blessing and talk about being a real husband getting married. Congratulations, by the way. So how much debt have you run up, Devin? You know, in the grand scheme of things, it probably doesn't sound like a whole lot. Devin, how much debt have you run up?
Starting point is 00:22:00 Right about $45,000. Okay, on what? Death by a thousand cuts, all sorts of different stupid. How much do you owe in your car? None. None. None of that, right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:12 So what is the majority of this credit cards? Personal loans, uh, credit cards. Um, yeah, basically. Okay. So you were medicating the pain by buying crap that you didn't have the money to pay for pretty much okay that's not that unusual and it's not gonna make you a bad person but it good it's good it's good to say it out loud so that you don't do it again yeah yeah so like if this girl breaks up with you you can't keep on this pattern and use the
Starting point is 00:22:42 the breakup as a reason to continue to be responsible in your pain, okay? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'd say the whole with the new marriage thing, it's actually been a really, really big motivator. I've actually started going back to church to be a man that I want to be. Good. Good. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Okay. So what do you make? So I'm a union journeyman contractor, or union journeyman carpenter. If I can work full year-round, because sometimes, you know, it's when the project comes to an end, it's kind of hard. But my yearly is right around, I think, like $93,000. It's not bad. Okay, what do you pay in rent?
Starting point is 00:23:21 I pay around $600. My girl is going to be moving in with me pretty soon at the place that I'm trying to get. And we're going to be paying about 14 at that point, but 600. Okay. For all the extra information I'm giving you, I don't know. I'm just trying to paint the biggest picture. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:43 Okay. I appreciate that. Yeah, the, okay, let me think here. I would not tell somebody to buy a house while they have debt. I would not tell somebody to buy a house and shack up with their girlfriend, especially when you just told me you're going back to church. Those are inconsistent things. I would not tell somebody to, I would tell somebody to live on nothing and pay off this debt really, really fast, making 90 by taking 16 jobs, taking every job you can get your hands on, swings a hammer, make some money. And what I would love for you to do is to really clarify
Starting point is 00:24:26 your life and say, I'm only going to do a couple things here, but I'm going to do those things really well. I'm going to engage in, uh, some pre-marriage counseling. I'm going to plug into this church, learn how to, like you said, I'm going to be a different kind of a man. And I'm going to find out how to be a wonderful world-class husband i'm going to concentrate on that part of that picture is i'm also going to live on nothing and uh i'm gonna have to tell grandpa right now i can't do this deal and i'm gonna get this dadgum mess cleaned up that i made so that when you step down the altar um you're a different guy than you were two years ago and it puts you in a completely different thing that that's the whole process that's what i would tell you to do i don't know if you're going that that's the whole process that's what i would
Starting point is 00:25:05 tell you to do i don't know if you're going to do any of it but that's what i would you need uh you're even talking to you is chaotic i'm gonna say you can't fix anything unless you stop talking to yourself like you're trash like you're the worst guy that ever existed um because you're just pumping that into your brain. You got to stop. You fell in love with somebody and you were together for 10 years and you got burned and it ended tough. And then you made some rash decisions. Join the long line of us that have all done similar things after breakups.
Starting point is 00:25:40 What you have to do is decide, I'm going to make this thing different. I would love in another world to have a different conversation because I don't know that you're ready to get married because you still can't even talk about your ex without not being able to breathe. And so I want you to make very, very sure you're ready to take on a lifelong covenant till death do you part with this person. This person could be wonderful could have inspired you to go back to church and fix your life and all that but this person isn't your personal savior and if you if you saddle this new girlfriend slash fiancee slash future wife with that it will end in ash it's a somebody to walk alongside you and together y'all create something new this is not somebody that she's going to carry you through the through the all the mess she's making you feel better right now
Starting point is 00:26:29 um but man make sure you are all ready to rock and roll before you go go get hitched up here there's a difference between her motivating you to a higher level of nobility and you deciding to go to a higher level of nobility that's the difference in her healing you and you healing you yeah you know and people that you care about and love they should motivate you to go to a higher level of nobility. That's the difference in her healing you and you healing you. Yeah. You know, and so. And people that you care about and love, they should motivate you to go get better. They should not motivate you. And it sounds like she's a quality lady.
Starting point is 00:26:53 I agree with that. And so, but yeah, you need to get aligned with, hey, I'm going to get on a track. I'm going to get with some men, get some men in my life. I'm going to get plugged into this church. I'm going to start thinking about how I'm going to treat this lady like I would treat, like I'd want some character to treat my daughter someday. And I'm going to honor myself and treat myself that good too. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Stop beating yourself up, man. Absolutely. Proud of you. Let's get it going. Let's get it going. Absolutely. This is The Ramsey Show. Our Scripture of the Day, Hebrews 4.12.
Starting point is 00:27:36 For the Word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword. It penetrates even to the dividing soul and spirit. Narrow joints and marrow. It judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Booker Thington said live out of your imagination not your history kevin is with us in st louis hi kevin welcome to the ramsey show hi can you guys hear me absolutely what's up uh well i was just calling in it's um i've been trying to get in for a bit um well i my wife and i had a daughter over a year ago just over a year ago and uh she was born into the NICU for over 120 days and um during that time i admitted to her some uh stuff in our marriage that i should have mentioned a while ago. And so it's kind of put our relationship into basically a hell.
Starting point is 00:28:31 What did you tell her that you did? Well, I had two emotional affairs in her in the first two years of our marriage. And how long ago was that? That was back in 2021. Oh, just the other day yeah okay so and then you tell her you tell her this while the kid is in NICU yeah I we talked to a counselor and um I basically um that later that night you know I I said I was struggling with some stuff and she asked me, hey, what else were you struggling with? And I said, well, I know I had two emotional affairs
Starting point is 00:29:11 in you at the beginning of our relationship. Okay. So where are we now, bro? So it's been a year. So my daughter turned a year last Friday, and we're now working through stuff. We've been talking to counselors throughout this whole year, and we're finally trying to get back on track with our marriage, and I'm getting back in that relationship with God, and so is she. And we're trying to, I guess, not get back to where we were, but become even a better couple than before. And we're currently we're in about $67,000 of debt. And I'm,
Starting point is 00:29:51 I'm trying to figure out how I can be a leader again in our marriage and how I can, you know, walk us through this, walk us through other stuff, like our relationship with God through even after I've been, you know, a jerk the whole time. I don't, ask the question a little more clear, because it sounds like you've got a pretty
Starting point is 00:30:15 clear path ahead of you. You did some, you did some stupid stuff, and you said, you admitted it, and you said, I'm sorry, and then you've been doing the work to get it back, and now you've got a financial mess to clean up, which is a way y'all could come together. You have a daughter who was on the brink and she pulled through. And I mean, so it sounds like you're unable to see the blessings and the light on the path that you're on.
Starting point is 00:30:38 And you're the one that keeps wanting to go back. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you got to quit dragging that crap from the go back yeah yeah you gotta dude you gotta quit dragging that crap that have from the past back yeah is your wife the one bringing it up all the time no i think i think that we we had just started talking to our pastor like about a month ago and trying to get the church to help us out and so I think, what's the church need to help you out for? Um, just with our marriage, you know, um, what's still wrong with your marriage? I think, I think my wife just has been having trouble trusting me. And I mean, I haven't really been fully committed and, uh, until probably about a month and a half ago.
Starting point is 00:31:23 Well, then dude, you've got a long way to go. It sounds like you've been going through the motions and performing for the last almost year. Yeah. She deserves better than that, my friend. Yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, I think... So she should...
Starting point is 00:31:40 I thought you said you've been seeing a counselor for a year. Yeah, she should not trust you. She shouldn't. Your counselor just inept? I mean, he should have called you out for not being all in. Yeah, I think you're right about that. She shouldn't trust you right now, and that's fine. If she's choosing to continue to be married to you as y'all rebuild trust, great.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Be trustworthy. Starting today, be trustworthy. You owe $67,000. Get four jobs by the end of this weekend. That's great. Be trustworthy. Starting today, be trustworthy. Yeah. You owe $67,000. Get four jobs by the end of this weekend. Yeah. Stop sitting around and moping and just letting stuff loop and loop. Do you still have something you haven't told her yet? No, I've been clear about everything with her. Okay, then why have you been only partway in the last nine months?
Starting point is 00:32:25 Why are you dragging a new mother who's trying to keep alive a NICU baby? thing with her. Okay, then why have you been only partway in the last nine months? Are you dragging a new mother who's trying to keep alive a NICU baby? I mean, what are you doing? I guess I'm just... I'm not really sure. I guess I'm just kind of... I guess I'm scared that
Starting point is 00:32:40 I won't be a good leader. You're not being one. Yeah. And that can change right now. Yeah. You want to be a good leader, be a person who's trustworthy, be a person who shows up and commit and does what they say they're going to
Starting point is 00:32:55 do. Be a person who puts a plan down on the table and not doesn't just direct the plan, but asks, takes actions for the good of others, not yourself. Exactly. How can we co-create this thing together what do i need to do to begin to earn trust back because i blew it yeah and then after i told you i was all in i lied to you for another nine months
Starting point is 00:33:14 yeah you got a long road man and i think it's all worth it you can do it yeah you can do it absolutely you can't there's nothing that there's nothing you told us that preempts you or exclude you from being a good leader in the future. Right. Or for being a man of fanatical integrity in the future from being a husband who serves his wife and child in the future, which is called a man. There's nothing that excludes you from doing that. All of these things are choices. They're not DNA. Right. It's not it's choices. They're not DNA. Right.
Starting point is 00:33:46 It's not imprinted on your soul. You just get to wake up in the morning and go, now I is one. Now I is a man of integrity. Now I is a man who is worthy of trust because I am trustworthy. Now I is a person who thinks about how I can make everybody's life around me better. And that's not codependence, that's service. And those that are first shall be last. Those that are last will be first.
Starting point is 00:34:12 The greatest joy on the planet is learning to serve. And so you hear me getting on to you, man. I want you to hear me trying to do the best I can to turn the lights on and off, to turn the music off, to put my hands on your shoulders and look at you and say, you've got so much beauty around you. You've got so much good around you. You've got to decide I'm going to be in.
Starting point is 00:34:36 I'm going to go do these things. You've got to stop thinking about everything and stop chit-chatting about everything and stop whining about everything and go get after it. Kevin, there's an old story that um i don't know if it's true or not but tony robbins told it for years he said there was two twin boys that grew up their father was a bank robber he was in prison and one of the young men became a a spiritual giant highly successful in business and the other one became a bank robber and was in prison the researchers went to interview them and interviewed the young man,
Starting point is 00:35:07 the twin that was in prison, and they said, you know, why are you in prison? He said, well, the father like mine, who wouldn't be? And he went and interviewed the guy who was highly successful and had become a spiritual giant, and they said, how did you become highly successful and become a spiritual giant? And he said, well, the father like mine, why wouldn't I be? And so what it amounts to is they made choices. They both blamed it on their father, but neither one of those were accurate.
Starting point is 00:35:33 They both made choices about their future. You can choose the path. You do get to choose that. It's not imprinted on you. And so, you know, leaders are not born. Leaders are people that just decided to lead. It's a set of skills that i'm going to lean into i'm going to learn it like carpentry just going to learn how to do it and then i'm going to do it i'm going to do it i'm going to practice i'm going to do it marriage being a good husband being a good wife is a it's a decision
Starting point is 00:35:57 and a series of skills to be developed uh but you know i my wife didn't come with a manual um oh well my wife gave me one that she wrote but it has it has changed over time most of us aren't married to a phd but yeah yeah so there's that but the but yeah i so kevin i've got great hope for you um because the beginning of uh a resurrection the beginning of a renewal in your life and you're getting a brand new path it's a whole new path regardless of your past is uh it is the simple act of repentance which means a turning away i'm turning away from the old man. I'm going to become a new man. And that's a decision and you can do it. Hang on the line. I'm going to send you a copy of Own Your Past, Change Your Future on me, but I want you to read it all the way through
Starting point is 00:36:53 and I want you to begin to follow that path. That puts us out of the Ramsey show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember there's ultimately only one way to financial peace and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you like what you heard in this episode and want to know more about getting started on the Ramsey Baby Steps, go to ramsesolutions.com and click on the Get Started button. We'll help you figure out the best next step for you based on your specific situation. That's ramsaysolutions.com
Starting point is 00:37:30 and click Get Started.

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