The Ramsey Show - App - Normal SUCKS…Don’t Be Afraid To Be Weird! (Hour 2)

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. As we talk about your relationships, your work, your money, and your life, the phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Emma is with us. Emma is in Orlando to start off this hour. Hi, Emma. How are you? Hi, Dave. Nice to talk to you. You too.

What's up? So I am, I just turned 20. I am moving to Orlando for my first job in the industry. And my job is going to require that I travel around the city. So I am looking into getting a car, but I wanted to know what would be the best way to go about that given my financial situation. Do you have any money? Yeah. Yes, I do. How much money do you have? So I budgeted 10K for a car. I already have that in cash. And that was the amount that I was working up to.

I was working up to buying a car for $15,000, but I only have $10,000 right now. And I have another 10K in emergency savings. So I wanted to get a car that was around the family of 15K because that would be the one that would give me all of the safety features that I wanted. And yeah, but I'm in a position where I need to get the car now. And I don't know what to do about that. If I should be getting a cheaper, smaller car, that probably wouldn't be too safe, but that would allow me to save up for the more expensive one? Or should I just go ahead and dip into my emergency savings and buy a bigger, safer car now and then just rebuild it from there? Okay. What is your income?

So the job, I haven't started it yet, but I'll be starting within the next couple of weeks. It would be 60K before taxes. And you'll be starting within the next couple of weeks. It would be $60,000 before taxes. And you'll be doing what? Yeah, what's the industry? Engineering. Very good, very good. And so you've got an engineering degree? Yes.

Excellent. Way to go. Excellent. Okay, I'm going to answer your question, and then I'm going to give you a smart aleck answer too, okay? Okay. Can I do too, okay? Okay. Can I do that? Sure. Okay, number one, yes, take $5,000 out of your emergency fund, pay cash for the $15,000 car, $5,000 emergency fund.

With you starting a new engineering job, making $60,000 is going to be plenty for right now. And then let's beef that emergency fund back up a little bit. But you're not in danger by doing that okay so you get your wish okay now but the snarky part is you have to learn this lesson you cannot rationalize on purchases or you won't make wise ones the statement that the difference in safety of a fifteen thousand dollar car and a ten thousand dollar car is substantial is absolute hogwash you just wanted a nicer car and that's okay,000 car is substantial is absolute hogwash. You just wanted a nicer car, and that's okay.

I think you can afford it. I want you to go get it. I just told you to go buy it. But the difference in safety of a $10,000 car or a $15,000 car doesn't exist. There is no difference in the safety. That's bull. Okay. All right. So you have to watch doing that to yourself because i do it to

myself i did it for a lot of my life and i'm 61 years old and you're 20 okay so uh and as long as you tell yourself these lies in order to get something that you want just say out loud i just wanted a nicer car and i have the money and i want to know if it's okay to push a little bit into that emergency fund to do it i just want it but don't don't don't tell me it's safety and don't tell yourself more importantly than me that it's safety because you get you get slaughtered in either one of them or you can just get bumped into with either one of them and they'll fall apart either one it doesn't matter i mean the differences are the difference in type of car just take out that you know a big suv versus john's tiny little girly prius you know the difference in that is safety okay there's

safety difference in those two things but my i'm laughing here it comes here it comes no i'm saying my family my wife and two kids drove that prius for the last seven years, and we actually bought it from a friend of ours for $10,000. Whoa! You know what I mean? And so the car, a $10,000 car, was good enough for my wife and kids until she said, I don't feel safe in a roller skate anymore. Can we get something a little bit bigger?

Pregnant roller skate. There you go. That's what we used to call them, too. So all to say is, for $10,000, you can protect your family. Now, that was before the car prices went crazy. The car is more important than what it costs. There you go. For safety.

Yes. The size, how much metal is around you, the actual features. And I lost a good buddy in a F-250 this past year. So living your life like that, you're right, is justification. Just say what you want, man. Go get it. so living your life like that you're right it's justification just say what you want man go get it but the one of the things that when i went broke him i had to learn it the hard way and it just and i and i can smell it a mile away for that reason is um we in america have almost no things

we need most of our purchases are once you've got a car i want a better car so you don't really say out loud i need no i need a third row no you don't no you don't you want one be convenient nicer you have a couch you want a better couch and that's okay absolutely to buy some wants but what you want to guard against is to guard your heart against creating these narratives in your head that it's required for safety that's or it's required for uh it's a it's a neat i needed it i was forced yeah i talked to him the other day you have to be careful the abundance of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks yeah talked to a guy the other day he's talking about he needed a new hunting scope on

his rifle oh definitely said my granddad hunted for years with just the iron sights man are you sure yeah well well he might he might not be good enough that's true that's true he might not be able to get anything with that but you know what i really need what i need is i need some virtual drapes for my virtual house dave see But you virtually wouldn't buy them at Walmart. That is true. You would be more of a Target guy. I'm more of a Kohl's guy. I wonder if Kohl's has a virtual or Target has a virtual.

Me, I would buy mine at Home Depot. Just tin metal. Because I get everything at Home Depot. Just sheets of. Me and Home Depot, we're just like this. I'm just saying. I've got tools. I don't even know what they do, but I bought them.

Because I needed them because i needed them you needed them so emma that's a good rant uh you're you're a sharp young lady yeah 20 year old engineer you've saved money you've got a plan you're paying cash for your move you're paying cash for setting up your house you're paying cash for your vehicle you're going to be a millionaire hold on i'm going to send you a copy of the book baby steps millionaires by the way the number one career in the millionaire study that we did most likely to be a millionaire hold on i'm going to send you a copy of the book baby steps millionaires by the way the number one career in the millionaire study that we did most likely to be a millionaire you win the superlative engineers engineers yep number two accountants number three teachers number four middle manager and entrepreneurs and number five lawyers doctors didn't even make the top five they're're number six. Wow. That shocks me.

There you go. The MDs. MDs are classically known for not handling money well. Yeah. Pretty much like music artists and stuff. NFL players, right? I mean, that kind of stuff, right? But, hey, they still made number six.

They made number six. So some of them are doing it. Hey, this is fun. This is fun. We're glad you're here, America. Thanks for joining us. This is Dr. John Deloney and Dave Ramsey right here on The Ramsey Show. Are you working the baby steps? One of the smartest and most impactful changes you can make is to ditch your cash value life insurance plan,

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it's even more important to get this done. 800-356-4282 or Zander.com. true or false it's possible for you to become a millionaire it's probable that you would become a millionaire if you followed the proven path to become a millionaire. True and true. See, people just like you reach a millionaire status all the time by following our baby steps. That's why we wrote the book Baby Steps Millionaire, to show you and prove to you that it can be done. We've got a best year ever bundle right now, and it includes the brand new book Baby Steps Millionaires, and you get Financial Peace University, and you get Every Dollar, the budgeting app, all wrapped up into Ramsey Plus,

and it's the clear steps that are going to cause you to get there, get you out of debt, into wealth, and in a position to be outrageously, continuously generous. The Best Year Ever bundle, RamseySolutions.com slash best, RamseySolutions.com slash best. RamseySolutions.com slash best. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. That means even if you mismeasure, you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your window blinds for free.

Free samples, free shipping, new promos they run every month. You'll save even more. Use the promo code Ramsey. Today's question comes from Tim in Texas. Tim writes, My 37-year-old daughter recently entered rehab for alcoholism. While it's a difficult situation, I'm very grateful that she realizes she has a problem

and she's seeking help. Before she went into rehab, I learned that she had $20,000 in credit card debt. She's talking about declaring bankruptcy. The tough love part of me says she needs to be accountable and follow the baby steps and work through her debt snowball to pay it off. The other part of me said she's been through a tremendous ordeal and she needs a fresh start and that I should pay off the debt for her. I'm fortunate to be in a position where I can easily do this. Given my daughter's addiction, pending recovery, and negative financial position, what is the best course of action concerning my daughter's debt?

Dave, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. This one gets messy, and you've dealt with this for years and years and years and years. It's your world, man. I mean, I've got a daughter that age. I can imagine his heart's broken. Oh, man. And he wants to help. Yeah.

And I immediately wonder if his enabling in the past has something to do with her addiction. Yeah. Or his, yeah. Because he's trying to do it again. Or is he just being compassionate and loving and kind? Yeah. You know, the enablers are always the nicest people. Yeah.

So I think first it's important to note, you take bankruptcy off the table for $20,000, right? That's off the table. Good point, good point. My understanding of the alcoholism rehab world is like any other rehab world is you begin to take ownership of your life one tiny step at a time.

And there's something here about having a goal and $20,000 can feel like a million. I get that. When I think of the debt I owed, it looks small, but that's going to be a mountain for people, for folks that you are going to walk alongside her. You're going to have a weekly breakfast with her that you're going to set up that you're going to pay for. You're going to check on her, how her budgets are going. And what she's going to get out of that is a new relationship with you. You're going to tell her about times you screwed up with money. She's going to get to know you a little bit better. Y'all are going to high five and celebrate together. She's going to fall off the wagon. You're going to weep together and you're going to walk alongside her. And then she's

going to get the outsized gift of walking through and solving this problem with her own two hands. And I think there's a gift there. And maybe at the end you gifted the last $5,000 or something like that, but there's something about this. What I would do is I would just modify that very, very slightly because I just feel his father's heart on this, and it's just compassion as we're dripping off this email. His tears are on there.

And I really don't read any enabler language. No, I don't either. I don't either. So I was reading into that. But I think we exactly, I do exactly what you said. And I would pay for her to go through Financial Peace University and maybe even go to class with her. Yeah. And I would agree to match her.

I like that. If she pays $1,000, I'll put $ i would agree to match her i like that as she pays a thousand i'll put a thousand oh i like that and so i'll give her some encouragement but i'm going to participate in her healing i'm not going to try to do it for her yeah i like that dave i like if you yeah that's a that's a that's a great olive branch i like that yeah and you're you're you're coaching her you're cheering for now that's you's contingent upon her being on a budget, cutting up the credit cards, so we're not going back. But as a little part of your overall healing, let's heal your financial situation simultaneously because they are overlapped,

and let's do it together. That's fun. What a great dad. I don't know any addiction challenges that don't have relational challenges as the foundation, so there's probably some healing here between dad and daughter that can take place anyway, which is beautiful. Hey, anybody that's an addict that's close to you has pissed you off. I'll just tell you that. There's no exception.

And probably vice versa. Because they piss off everybody around them. It's part of what they do. They're manipulative and they lie. It's a mess. Just a mess. All right. Micah is with us. Micah is san antonio what's up micah

hey dave um thank uh bless your heart for helping these people out um can you help me out um we'll try what's up man tell me about it uh i'm trying to get out of the house, I have $1,000 overdrawn in the bank, and I'm earning $12 an hour from my job. How old are you? 20. What do you do?

Prep code. What? I prep food for cooking. Oh, food. What are you $1,000 over drawn for, brother? Paying for stuff that I thought I had money for. I basically let my pride get to me, and yeah. Thinking I had more than I had.

So you're not paying attention. You're disorganized. Yeah, I'm very disorganized and yeah trying to trying to stick to some you said you said trying to get out what do you mean you're trying to get out of what house you said uh out of the house and out of debt and i also have whose house your parents house or what uh my grandparents's house oh Oh, okay. Why do you live with them? Because they put up with me. Because they enable me.

Because, yeah. And I'm also addicted to video games, too. Okay. What other addictions do you have? That's about it. Okay. How many nights a week are you partying? Zero, actually.

I just stay home. You stay home and play games? Yes. When's the last time you went and hung out with real people doing kicking a soccer ball or something? Or held hands with somebody? A long time. Okay. So what do you want to do man i want to make a company i want to make i want to make knives i want to build knives i want to build weapons i want to make my shift metal and make it something better than what it is okay do you have that do you have that skill set now is that just a dream dream? You watch a lot of YouTube. It's a dream.

It's a dream, actually. So what's your step between here and fulfilling that dream? So far, getting out of the house, earning money. I'm also planning

on getting into the Army. Okay. And the Army National Guard, excuse me. When do you plan on doing that? This February because my grandmother, not my grandmother, my mother is switching over insurances in February.

So you're enlisting in the next couple of weeks? In the next month. But yeah, a couple of weeks. Yeah. So why not go enlist tomorrow and get some structure and some discipline and some short-term goals that you can accomplish with the help of people walking alongside you? That seems like a great alternative right now. It does. And I currently, I did enlist before and I got out because of an existence prior to service condition that prevented me from going further.

And I told them I had bipolar. No, I told them my dad and his mother have bipolar. Okay. Are you working with a mental health professional? I'm getting help. That's the issue. I'm trying to get to, I'm trying to deal with the insurance. I'm trying to, if I get the insurance, I can go to a psychiatrist. Whatever it takes. Get that done. Tell your grandparents you need to go see a psychiatrist. Let's start there. Let's get well. And if you can enlist, enlist.

Otherwise, I want you to work on your mental health. Make some money, and then you can think about moving out. But you've got to do it all in the right order, brother. Yeah, you've got to make you well first, man. Thank you for joining us, America. We're so glad you're here. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Jeff and Amber are in Jefferson City, Missouri. It says on my screen you guys are debt-free. Congratulations.

We are. Thank you very much. Way to go. How much have you paid off? We paid off $310,146. Wow! How long did this take? About five and a half years good for you and your range of income during that time was 98 000 to up to 120 000 okay with those numbers i kind of think you paid off your house did you yes we did yeah yeah i'm talking to weird people yes absolutely way to go jeff and amber yeah what's this house worth uh it's worth about 200 000 now and what do you what do you guys uh uh it's worth 200 000 so you paid off more than the house yeah yes okay yeah we paid to pay 310 for a 200 000 house okay yeah how old are you i'm sorry how old are you i'm 48 and amber's 40 and you have a paid for house yes how's that feel awesome no debt no debt in the world no debt in the world it's great yes sir way to go i love it so tell us

what's tell us about this journey how did you hook up with this ramsey stuff and what all happened i told him i'd have to take over the journey part because it was more me not listening to him. It started about 10 years ago. And Jeff took the SPU class, but the church that we were attending did not offer child care. So I stayed home with the babies. And he, which I know isn't a big no-no, right? Dave caused a lot of fights. He did.

He'd come home and be all excited about it, and I'd just kind of roll my eyes and think he was crazy. But then about a year after that, we bought a brand-new car, and I had immediately lost my job. I was blessed with a job loss. So I went and worked for Mosier's, Missouri State Employees Retirement System, and nothing makes you think more about retirement than working for a retirement system. All day long. Yeah, all day long. That's what you do. So I decided I would counsel members on their wonderful retirement benefit, and you saw certain retirees leave and just darn near bouncing with joy out of my office.

And those were the retirees that didn't have any debt. I'm correlating happiness to debt-free. Yeah. I'm making the correlation. Yeah. I like it. I like it. So I decided that I wanted to be that retiree that skips out of the office.

So I came home and told Jeff with our car debt, truck debt, house debt, credit card debt, and furniture debt. I said, Jeff, I think I'm ready to listen to you. That's what we did. We got on fire with it. Those are rare words, Jeff. I hope it felt good. And you gave her the biggest hug ever. The only time I've heard it. That's that's right that's exactly i knew it once just once it's once was enough though

it's magical it's magical i love it all kidding aside this is amazing incredible and so then you guys sit down together and he had to kind of catch you back up on the the primer for financial peace university on what he had been taught right yes and back up on the primer for Financial Peace University on what he had been taught, right? Yes, and then we took the class together. Oh, there we go. Then it just went off from there. There we go. Game on.

Game on. And the debt just starts falling away, and five and a half years later, house and everything. You are one of those happy skipping people. Yes, we are. Neighbors think you're weird skipping around the backyard that's right it's so fun that's so fun yeah that amber ever since she worked over at that place she's so what was the hardest part about this journey

um we've talked about that probably saying no to the kids um it's weird but it's a it's a hard thing to tell them no you can't have that toy right now it's not in the budget but um it's weird but it's a it's a hard thing to tell them no you can't have that toy right now it's not in the budget but um it's also a good thing to teach your children patience uh contentment yeah yeah great things to teach our uh 13 and 10 year olds and a culture that has none so they have a distinct advantage in the marketplace now. Yeah. Right? Absolutely. Because they have common sense and stuff. So can I ask you a more personal question? Sure.

If we go back to when you had two little kids at home, and he went to FPU by yourself, you were at home by yourself, you're kind of doing your thing, he was doing his thing. How has this journey helped your marriage? Oh, I mean, I think it's stronger from that. I mean, it put us both on the same path. And, you know, we look at the money situation. I mean, we look at it the same way now. So it's, you know, we're at a point where we're not putting ourselves back into debt or anything. And it's, okay, how can we start cash-flowing things?

And it's just made us kind of grow stronger together. Yep. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Budget. Budget. Yeah. Absolutely budget, and, you know, don't be afraid to be the weird one. Ah, I like that.

Yeah. Or even let your kids be a little weird because they don't have it yeah yeah that's all right weird is good in a world that's gone nuts you don't be like the nuts that's right they're everywhere man i love it way to go guys so what's your first big thing now you don't have a house payment what are you gonna do we're actually getting new carpet in the house i like it gross it's about time jeff yeah i know exactly amber's been telling you that jeff for weeks all the pets and the kids i got a new grill first but that's oh amber what are you getting yeah the living room remodel is what i'm calling it so i'm happy to

get that and by the way her living room's real it's not virtual that's right don't buy any virtual drapes from walmart please buy the real one buy real ones yes whether it's walmart or somebody else i love it you guys are amazing incredible so proud of you congratulations thank you how's it feel to be free just amazing yeah i mean i don't know why more people don't do it really exactly the best part was driving up to the house the day after and going wait a minute i don't know anybody for that yeah mine that was mine yeah love it you guys are amazing hey we got a copy a copy of baby steps millionaires for you because that's the next chapter in your story that's for sure where

you're going i'm so proud of you guys. You're an amazing couple. I'm so honored to get to talk to you. Also, I'm going to send you a copy of Total Money Makeover. You give that to one of your friends and disrupt their lives, okay? Works for me. I love it. Awesome stuff.

Jeff and Amber, Jefferson, Missouri. Man, I love this. $310,000 paid off in five and a half years. House and everything. They're weird. $98,000 to off in five and a half years. House and everything, they're weird. $98,000 to $120,000. Great story. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream.

Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Can you imagine how hard it would have been to say, you were right, Jeff. I know. Can you imagine?

You were right. You know what? All good change starts with one moment of humility. That's like tweetable right there. It is. All good change starts with the moment where you go i got to do something different this is not working the problem and the problem is me this is what can i do different it's my fault i gotta fix even if it's somebody else's fault here's where i

am what can i do next oh she did it and jeff didn't run around the neighborhood going told you so he said let's do this yeah it's awesome he bowed his head with her, grabbed her hand, and said, let's go. She asked a deep question. Why don't more people do this? I have to believe it's because they don't have a picture of it. They've never seen. They've never felt it. They've never seen it. Like, you know, when you lose weight, you realize how good you feel,

and you've got a picture of that. I think that people have never felt it. They don't even know what it feels like. Well, there's almost nothing around you to support you in this. That's what I mean. Everyone else is doing bonkers. Yeah. And so you really, that's why we talk so much about don't be normal, normal sucks, be weird.

I want to give people permission to create a new normal, a new story, to use your phrasing. Your stories in the new book. I can't wait until it gets out and we get to talk about it. We're not allowed to talk about it yet. It's up, man. that in the new book, I can't wait till it gets out and we get to talk about it. We're not allowed to talk about it yet. It's a man, but write a new story, man. I mean, that's what it is because you don't see yourself in that story. No.

It's like somebody, that's rich people's story. That's somebody else's story. That's my grandpa's story. It's not my story, though. And I don't see how I can get it. It's a hopelessness. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But when desire comes, it is the tree of life.

This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you for joining us, America. We're so glad you're here. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today as we talk about your life, your money, your relationships, and your work. We're here for all of that at the Ramsey Show. Tara is with us in Decatur, Illinois. Hi, Tara. What's up? Hi, Dave. Thanks for taking my call.

Sure. How can I help? A little background. I'm 30 years old. I'm single. I'm halfway through an electrical apprenticeship, and I'm currently on baby step two, but I will be debt-free by June. So when I finish my apprenticeship, I want to stay in Illinois no more than one more year. So I'm looking to move in the next three to five years. And I'm potentially considering traveling for a year before settling down and thinking Carolinas or Tennessee.

So my dad presented me with the option of if I bought a tiny home, I could put it on the, he has two properties basically that he's combined into one. And he said I could put the tiny home on his second property. And I didn't know what your thoughts were on that. Nah. I wouldn't bother. There's no proven market for that. So I don't know if you'll ever get out of it. I mean, if you just burned it down when you were through, you could do that, I guess.

But I don't want you thinking that this is going to turn into money because we don't have any. Tiny homes are an anomaly right now. There's no proven resale value. There's not a track record. I was just considering it because I don't rent from a very good company. It's the biggest company here. They're basically slumlords. And if I leave my apartment, I'm going to pay a lot more in rent to stay in a decent area.

Well, I mean, the point is, if you want to do this instead of rent, with no hope of getting anything off the back of it when you're done, that's okay. But I don't want you buying this thinking you're going to make money on it whatever you pay for the tiny home is what you would have paid in rent and you're going to lose just count on losing all of it so if you sell it for anything you feel good okay because there's no there's no proven fact you can actually sell it when you're done you may have to just set fire to it and have said, say that was a great three years in the tiny house. Okay. But I don't, I mean,

is that how you want to live for the next three to five years? Something to consider. Yeah. I just hate living in a place where they won't fix anything. Oh, I agree with that. I'm not suggesting. Toilets leaked into my ceiling for three years. Not suggesting.

Oh, gross. I'm not suggesting you stay there. Yeah. That's not an option. Okay. You're leaving. The only question is where are you going to go. Okay.

And, you know, one place you could rent more expensive. That's an idea. You could buy something. That's another idea. You could rent something completely different, have a whole different situation, roommates or whatever. That's another idea. I mean, or you can buy the tiny house.

But, I mean, how do you really want to live? But the thing is that a lot of times when people are looking at stuff like a tiny house, what they're really looking at is they're looking at the economics of it, and they haven't really thought through what living in a tiny house is going to feel like. Yeah. Because it's, by definition, tiny. It's little. Yeah.

And the bathroom and the shower and the kitchen and all the stuff. It's all right there. Yeah. I mean, it's like the romance of, you know, the kid that's going to go to Manhattan and live in New York until he finds out it's a studio apartment. Oh, that's sweet. What studio apartment? It means it's one freaking room.

Okay. Everything's in one freaking room. That's what that means. And it's the size of your old bathroom. Yeah. And it's a studio apartment. Oh, that's sweet. What studio apartment? It means it's one freaking room. Okay. Everything's in one freaking room. That's what that means. And it's the size of your old bathroom. Yeah. And it's a dorm room. Yeah. It's just like, okay, your dorm room at college was nice.

With three roommates. And it's $1,500 a month. So, you know, it's all real romantic until you start doing it. Right. And then all of a sudden it's like, ugh, this is like less than fun. So that's what I want you to think through. I don't know what you're making as an apprentice. If you could consider buying something,

you might want to do that because you're probably going to, you know, you could live there long enough that you would make some money on it and it would stabilize your situation. Ashley's with us in Houston, Texas. Hi, Ashley. What's up, Ashley?

Hey. Okay, so how are you guys? Thanks for taking my call. I had a couple of questions or just one major question, I guess. I just wanted some general guidance, a little bit about me. I'm 28. I'm a Christian. God saved me from drug addiction back in 2015. I was raised by addicts. So money has been a huge hurdle for me. Thankfully, I don't really have a ton of debt or anything i've never had a credit card i've tried

but i've never been given any lines of credit what's your uh the blessing what's your core question so my core question is um basically wealth in general and building financial stability is a foreign language. It feels so out of reach. It feels like there's a veil between me and this other reality where people live securely. Yeah, it feels like a foreign language yeah all i've ever known is financial insecurity i mean we moved at least once a year my whole life the bills were never paid lights getting turned off all the time and um god has been good as an adult he's you know provided he's given me a lot of things, but I find myself not, I've

never been able to, I've never been able to save any money ever. I always seem to get into some type of hole. And I just want to know how to. Here we go. So I'm going to jump into it. What you're describing, you're describing the poverty mindset, right? As though this air that you've been breathing for your whole life, right? I want to give you a couple of things that can rattle that cage for you, okay? Here's the first one. You got to change your ecosystem and environment. And sometimes that means moving.

That often means the people you hang out with and who you get wisdom from. It's a veil because you don't know those people. And I want you to go find somebody at your church that will have coffee with you or a couple of them or three or four of them, women who are 10 or 15 years ahead of you, or some guy running a company that will sit down with you after church one day on Sunday and talk to you. But I want you to get to know those people and it makes things much more tangible. And they talk in different ways and they spend their money in different ways. The second one is often when we grow up with all, almost always you grow up with addicts. The idea of a relationship is a equals pain because you've

been hurt repeatedly by those people who are supposed to love you. And what I want to tell you is the only way to heal and move forward is through other relationships. So you're going to have to practice being in a relationship with people. Sometimes you need a good counselor for that. It sounds like you've been through a lot of addiction work and a lot of addiction healing. But that's going to be a group of friends, a group of women that you meet with regularly to do life with. And it's going to be lo-fi stuff. Like, let's go get coffee. so the room you're sitting in with

these ladies you won't feel like you fit in yes you'll feel weird and that's okay lean into that you tell them hey i feel weird in here that's okay just it feels awkward because it is because you don't know how they think and they all seem to think alike and you don't think like they think and what you're trying to do is change your thinking. And that's how you do it. And here's the third big one. You become who you hang around with. Here's the third big one. Often, especially when you grow up with addicts and you grow up in poverty,

everything is about just getting to the next day and the next day. And the way to lift that mindset is to start thinking in two months, six months, two years, five year plans. And it's like going to the gym. You can do a really hard workout and you look at your body the next morning and really nothing's changed. But you go again and you go again and you go again

and then six months, eight months, 10 months later, you feel better, you walk better. And so it's getting somebody that can walk alongside you with this wealth journey. I'm gonna keep a budget every month, even though I'm only getting 10 bucks. And the next month it's going to be 20 bucks I'm going to save. I'm going to follow this budget and I'm going to slowly over time, practice shifting my life. And I'm going to keep going and keep going and keep going. And write it down and start saying, not in some weird positive

affirmation way, but you're changing your identity is what you're doing. That's exactly right. Inside out. I grew up as an addict. You're saying, I'm a young Christian who's learning how to build wealth. And who's free. And I'm free of addiction. And just write that down, because that's all true. It's not some weird positive affirmation. It's just the truth. And just

speak that. The power of the tongue is amazing. Hey, a great book to pick up is Glass Castles. You'll laugh your way through it. You will definitely laugh your way through it. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register.

We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.