The Ramsey Show - App - Our Family Keeps Asking Us for Money (Hour 3)

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

Dr. John Delony & George Kamel discuss: The first step to paying off debt, Buying a home now vs. saving up cash, The ethics of leaving your job for another, Creating boundaries with family around money.   Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6   Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Леонид Агутин Песня о шоке Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your money and your life and your marriage and your parenting, your work, pretty much anything. Give us a shout at 888-825-5225. It's a toll-free call, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined here by the single greatest friend

a guy could ever have, George Campbell. The greatest... I'm telling you, you just said, John, a single Venmo, and he'll sing your praises. It's amazing how that works. No, see, you're just minimizing yourself, man. You're a great friend. You're an incredible colleague.

One of the best speakers and radio voices I've ever seen. Wow. Keep going. Keep going. Fantastic. John doesn't even have Venmo. You're off the grid, man. No, I have this cool, yeah, I got a check.

He only accepts Sacagawea coins. I don't even know that. He's that old school. They made me uncomfortable. But we're best friends, and that's okay. That't even know that. He's that old school. They made me uncomfortable. But we're best friends, and that's okay. That's what friends do. Let's go to Miranda in West Palm Beach. Hey, Miranda, what's up?

Hello there. What's happening? Not so much. My husband and I just discovered your channel about a week and a half ago. Welcome to the madness, Miranda. Seriously. What's up? about a week and a half ago. Welcome to the madness, Miranda. Seriously. What's up?

We just had our third child, and we kind of dug ourselves a little bit of a mess, and basically calling to ask for help on how to clean up our debt. Very cool. When was your baby born? Ten weeks ago. Congratulations. Congratulations. Wow.

Girl or boy? A little girl. Did you name her Georgina? Close. Her name's Jillian. That would have been so awesome. That would have been cool. I love it. Okay, so let's help you tackle this debt. How much is the total debt? All right. Total is $31,000, not including our house. All right. And what kind of debt is it? Break it down. So my car is $900. Total? Or is that monthly payment?

No, $900 less. Oh, wow. Awesome. Okay. On my car, we have about $15,000 in credit card debt and then another $15,000 on our other car. Okay. What's that other car worth? About $24,000 on our other car. Okay. What's that other car worth?

About $24,000. Ooh. And what's your household income? We're about $75,000. Okay. Cool. So you're making $75,000. You've got $31,000 in debt.

You have a $1,000 emergency fund. How new are you to the baby steps? We do. Any money outside of that yes so our question our first question about that emergency fund is do we take that out of our savings that we already have or is that supposed to be a new thousand you're saying you already have it in savings yes okay well anything beyond the thousand savings we're going to use to tackle the debt so all that should be sitting in there is that $1,000. Okay.

And let me speak to this, Miranda. This should make you super uneasy. Okay. Right? You should feel like, hey, we have three kids. What are you talking about, lunatics? Exactly. That's exactly right. This is the feeling that you're not safe and that your family is balancing on the razor's edge and it is okay so we want to get this debt paid off and then you're going to feel a safety and peace on the back end of this that you don't even understand yet okay okay here's a crazy idea though i'm just looking at these numbers and thinking about those three babies going we could sell the car for 24

and we owe 15 that gives us000 to go get a different car. Can you buy a car with $9,000? Yes. And it won't be pretty and you'll be embarrassed to pull up to places and nobody cares because you'll be debt-free. Okay. I mean, that would clean up a good portion of this debt, leaving you with pretty much just the credit card debt and making, you know, in the 70s, you said? Yes. And how much do you have in savings? Right now, $4,500. Okay.

So we just took that, that's $3,500 against the $15,000, right? So we're down to like $12,000. See what we're doing here? We're moving quick. I feel good about this. Now, you don't have to sell the car based on your income. It's not what's killing you, but if you're looking at this mountain going, oh, my gosh, that's kind of a fun quick fix because cars are one of the only types of debt that you can kind of reverse by selling it.

John can't sell his PhD, although I would buy it. It's not worth much, though, with my brain. So that's the plan. It's going to involve some sacrifice. Are you at the point where you're willing to make some sacrifices? Oh yeah, absolutely. And are you working outside the home with the three kids? Are you home and he's working? What's going on? So he's back to work. He had paid maternity leave. I didn't. I am a server bartender. I just went back to work last week. Wow.

And what's the childcare situation? We have opposite schedules, so we watch our own kids. Awesome. Very cool. Well, I'm going to continue down this path and work as much as I can until this debt is cleaned up, get your fully funded emergency fund in place, and then you can move from intense to intentional. You guys can slow down and start to actually hang out with each other again. Miranda, is bartender server, is this your long-term play? For now, probably for the next 10 years while I'm young.

What, how come? Let me ask, let me ask you a better question. That was a bad question. What do you want to do? Fast forward 10 years. Well, I want to be a school teacher. Okay. Why are you going to wait 10 years? Well, so our kids are young, and right now our schedules allow us to be home with our kids at night or during the day, vice versa, without having to pay for child care. So is this an economic deal, or you don't want your kids in child care? Either way is fine. Probably both. Okay. Mostly economics. Okay. economic deal or you don't want your kids in child care either way is fine probably both okay mostly economics okay i want you to look into a local you have any college at all oh yeah how much oh i'm sorry what was the question have you got did you go to college oh i did and i

didn't finish okay i want you to see where you are, how many credit hours you have, and I want you to go check in with a local either community college or local state school in your area and see what kind of online classes you can start taking. Just nickel and dime in your way. One a semester, maybe two a semester, one in the evening, one. Slowly make your way towards getting that degree in that teaching certificate. My counts, I did my counseling PhD that way,

where I just took a class a semester, two classes a semester. And I looked up and it was five years later. And suddenly I had this incredible credential that really opened the world up for me. Okay. What I don't want you to do is wake up in 10 years and think now I'm ready. And now I've got another three years or two and a half years or four years towards this. I want you to look up in five years and go, wow, I'm already here. I just got to do student teaching for a semester and then we're off to the races. Okay. Cause you answered teacher real fast. That's something you really want to do one day, isn't it? Yes. And as the parent of two little kids, God almighty, we need some good teachers out there right now.

Okay? It'd be so good. So good. So check on that and see what you're eligible for, what you could nickel and dime your way towards, just a class here and a class here after you get this deck cleaned up. And man,

then you will be off to the races. So congratulations. We're glad that you found us. We're going to gift you as our gift for having a third like a a baby gift a shower gift that's what they call them that's what we got there that's what they call them well eventually i'm gonna say enough words till it comes out a shower gift we're gonna give you financial peace university and the every dollar app the upgraded version to send you guys off on a rocket ship on your debt-free journey and as soon as you're off the

phone we're paying off that 900900 car loan with your savings. It's going to feel so good, and it's going to give you the momentum you need to keep going on the debt snowball and the baby steps. So, Miranda, hang on the line, and AJ will get you taken care of. We'll be right back. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. Hey, let me ask you real quick, have you had enough? Enough waking up at 2.30 in the morning wondering if you have enough money to fill up your gas tank? Enough of wondering if you're going to put supper on the table or keep your lights on,

or if you can scrounge up enough gaps in this credit card and a little bit on that credit card so you can pay the baseball fee for this fall or the dance recital fee for this fall. Here's the truth. Nothing is ever going to change until you decide enough is enough. Your hope will come back when you decide to control what you can control and get after it. And we want to come alongside you and help make it easier than ever to get the expert help you need to solve your money worries. So for a limited time, when everyone in the world is making things more expensive, we're doing the opposite. Why? Because one of our core mottos is that we

got from Zig Ziglar. If you help enough people, money takes care of itself. And we are really here to help people. So for a limited time, we're marking down our best-selling life-changing products, some of them as much as 83% off. You can get your hands on our number one best-selling books and tools like Total Money Makeover and so much more at a price that works for you. It's our anti-inflation, let's take care of people sale. I just made that name up. It's just what you need to finally take control of your money once and for all. And my team isn't stopping there. You'll get a free financial coaching call with any purchase. Yes, free. We're trying to help out because we get the calls all day long. Dave, me, George, Rachel, everybody here, Kent,

we're taking call after call after call, and people are hurting, hurting, hurting. Everybody put their heads together and said, how can we just start loving people? You'll get a free financial call with any purchase. Talk with a Ramsey Preferred Coach about your specific money questions and your plans. They'll help you make goals and stick to them so you can go from, I've had it to, I've got this.

Enough with worrying and losing sleep. Take control of your money and your life. For a limited time, up to 83% off and a free financial coaching call when you shop at RamseySolutions.com slash enough. All right, let's go to Luke in Montana. What is up, Luke? How are we doing? Hi there. I have a

good problem, I believe. I like those. Yeah, those are good. Just won a not too long ago six-year battle with the VA and I got that. So looking to start a life here basically over.

We have no debt at all anymore. And we're wondering whether or not to buy a house now, wait four years in which we can save 200 grand to put down on a more expensive house or buy a starter house, that kind of question. I have no direction. All right. You cut out just a little bit, right? As you said, the important thing you you had what kind of victory with the VA Battle with the VA I got 100% disability from ah, okay. Okay. Okay. Congratulations. I'm glad they're taking care of you What's the nature of your disability?

Multiple multiple Well, thank you for thank you for taking care of me and my family. Yeah. Okay? Thanks, man. I'm grateful for you, and I'm glad that the VA is taking care of you. Thank you. All right.

So tell me about what you're thinking about. So we're thinking about whether or not we should just buy a house with a mortgage right now and basically put zero down for the VA home loan, or keep renting for four years, in which case we'd have $240,000 saved up, and then buy cash, or wait four years, put $200,000 on a more expensive house. Now, because of your disability, you would have no funding fee with that VA loan, correct? Funding fee, like, I'm not sure. They have built-in fees into the loan, but if you have over a certain level of disability,

which you just said you're 100%, then you should be able to avoid that. In which case, there's a rare scenario in which the VA loan actually is a good deal, and it sounds like in your case, it may be. But I still don't like the idea of you having nothing down, having no equity in this house, because you could be upside down on this thing two months from now. Yeah. Also, I'm sure, well, I think a different conversation was going to be into there. Sorry, you keep breaking up on us. Yeah. But I think you split the difference. You're saying either we wait four years where

we have 200 grand, or we do it now with nothing down. Is there an in-between plan where we buy a house a year from now and have a healthy down payment? I mean, there is. That in-between plan was going to be putting 200 down on a more expensive house in four years, but yeah. I like putting something down on the starter house or whatever you want to call it a year from now. Do you need the more expensive house? Well, we will, yes. Why is that? Two kids already. Just a bigger house.

Okay. More space. So let me say it like this, Luke. You've got a lot of great options, and really it's going to come down to what life you and your wife and your family, what you and your wife want to build for you and your family. I'm with George. I think this sounds like the VA loan is going to be your best option right now because they will waive so much of the entry point. But I also agree with George. I don't like walking into a house with zero equity because

the day you sign it, let's say you had to sell it that next weekend, you're out that 6% just in realtor fees alone. So I always want to go into a house and put something down on it, especially if you can save up that 20% and not pay any PMI, just walk straight in and then you're on your way. So you've boxed yourself into it. Do we have to do it like this or we have to do it like this? And man, you hear me and George say, A, there's not near the pressure that I can hear in your voice. And B, split the difference there, man. So maybe rent for one more year, get just the right house. Y'all can look and look and scour the market and find somebody who's desperate to get out and get a good deal and then put that 20% or 30% or whatever you've saved up by the time you

run into that perfect situation and then be done with it, man. That's what I would do, George. Yeah. I don't think the VA loans have PMI in this case. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. But here's a good parameter for you. Instead of going, well, do I wait four years and do this? I want you to do a 15 year VA loan if you go down this road and I want the payment to be no more than a quarter of your take home pay. And then that will dictate how much money you're going to need to have down in order to do this a smart way to where you don't get into this house that's you bit way more off than you could

chew because the VA graciously let you borrow all this money. So do it the smart way. Make sure you can afford the payment, a quarter of your take-home pay, 15-year loan, and you'll be in good shape. Excellent. All right, let's go out to Jessica in Twin Falls. What's up, Jessica? Hey, my question is, I'm a teacher and I'm considering doing like a big old taboo and quitting a week before school starts. Oh, don't do that. Why? Why are you going to do that? So because there's a job that I know of that has just opened up that I think

would be better for me, but I would feel awful putting them into that panic and leaving right now. When you say that, have you been offered the job? Kind of. So I actually had applied for it during the normal time a few months ago when it opened up. And I ended up turning it down because I talked to my principal and she started talking about like the vision for the school and for my, I'm a drama teacher. So like the drama program and all this, and none of that seems to be a reality. And I've been very frustrated with the lack of

communication. Anytime I ask about getting paid for rehearsals or things like that, she just doesn't respond. It's not even a no, it's just a nothing. And so I was offered that job, but I turned it down. And my friend who I graduated school with at college, she currently works there now. And I know that they have their money where their mouth is because they've expanded their program. That's why they need a second teacher and all of this stuff. And the base pay is even a little higher. So I'm just not sure what to do. Man, it's such a, it's such a great question. Here's what I want to do.

We are running up on a break here and I want to make sure that we go into all, all of the different facets of this because to the average listener doesn't know the insides and outs of what teachers go through and also how hard it is to replace teachers at the last moment. I want to make sure we spell this out and give you some good wisdom. So hang on the line here. And when we get back from break, we'll hop back into this call. This is the Ramsey show. We'll be right back. Thank you. This is the Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined here by one of the greatest men I've ever met, George Camel.

And we're taking your calls on money and life. We're going to go back out to Jessica in Twin Falls, Idaho. Jessica is a teacher, and she called because she's thinking about changing schools a week or so before school starts, which in teacher world is the ultimate no-no, but there's a catch. Am I right? Yes. Okay. All right. So let me ask you a couple of questions here. One, have you talked to this other principal about the job? My current one or the new one?

The new one. Not today when the job opened up, but again, like before. I had an interview. I liked the principal. I liked the vibe. I liked the school. Obviously, I know the other drama teacher there, which is kind of rare in a school to have multiple drama teachers.

So that's another fun, exciting opportunity. And I did like it. I just, I'm kind of attached to like my students currently and my, like the art teacher that I really get along with. But the job itself, I'm getting a little disillusioned with. That, that, that leads me to my ultimate question here. Is this about the job, this is a better opportunity for you, or do you feel like your principal pulled a bait and switch on you? Quite honestly, not a bait and switch, just sat down with you and told you something that wasn't true or something that he or she really hoped would become true

by the time school started, and it's just not. They just weren't a person of integrity. It's more the second one i just feel like without we'll be going back and forth in an email conversation about one thing and then i bring up money for rehearsals or stipend or whatever and suddenly she stops responding and i just don't know how much longer i can deal with that sort of environment professionally. Okay. But there's two sides to this. And since is your principal, is she? Yeah. Okay. Since she's not on the phone with me, I can only deal with you. You've got to stop going back and forth like middle schoolers do on electronic communication. Okay. This is a job, a professional job. You got to walk in and set up a meeting and say,

I need some very clear understanding about how I'm going to get paid. Okay. Because there's just this evasion and deception and they're not responding to my text. Again, that just sounds very middle school. Right. Let's get this stuff written down. The second thing is, is there's a strong possibility that this other principal at the other school doesn't want to work with you because you already told them no. And they've been high and dry all summer so before you jump ship i would go get some clarity on what

they even have you what they're going to pay what it's going to look like because right now it's basically you're really frustrated with your husband and somebody at work has been showing you right has been very kind that's where we're at right now and that doesn't they're going to be annoying someday too and so i don't want you to jump ship just because you haven't had some hard conversations. I would like you to sit down and get some hard conversations. If the prince, here's what I'm gonna say. If the principal, um, was not honest with you or the principal set out to deceive you or ultimately said, Oh yeah, I found out we're not going to have the funding for fill in the blank that I promised you. And the person didn't have the integrity. She didn't

come to you right when she found out and said, dude, I'm so sorry. I sat down in May and told you all this stuff. I was wrong and I screwed up. Here's what the reality is going to be. It's going to be another hard year for you. And I know that I'm fighting for you. They didn't do that. They just tried to avoid it and not answer your electronic communication or whatever. Then there's an integrity issue. And I would say with great reluctance, I would high five you to go. Okay. If you've got another job, you're not just quitting to nothing. I also want to make sure you check out your state's requirements because where I'm from in Texas, which is where I was a teacher,

if you quit after you sign your contract, they can take your license away. Well, that's one of the other things is that I haven't signed it yet because they sent it out a week ago and that's also frustrating. They sent your upcoming year's contract a week ago? Yeah, they're a little behind the ball on a lot of things that's that's a lot a lot behind the ball usually that's one of the things they they have you sign it too early in the spring so they can lock you up for the next year right yeah why did they wait so long yet um she went on vacation i guess i don't know she she emailed us the beginning of July and said, after vacation, I'll send it out. But guess what? You get significant raises.

Congratulations. And when we got our contracts, we were all kind of mad because it didn't even keep up with inflation. Which, I mean, this year, granted, inflation was a lot. But the other school would. And I wouldn't quit before for sure getting the other job, of course. Yeah. It sounds like your boss struggles with hard conversations.

She does. She's very avoidant. And when I talk to her in person about it, she's kind of wishy-washy. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll get back to you. And then doesn't. If you have, if this other principal says, yes, we'd love to have you, I think it's worth sitting down with your current principal and say i'm i'm considering leaving because um what we discussed

isn't happening it's a matter of integrity yeah um if you're just frustrated and kind of annoyed um you need to weigh that very carefully because you know the all the alternative here right and i don't want to send you on a guilt trip and all that, but when you agreed to stay, they didn't make any alternative arrangements. And ultimately, in a situation like yours, with an extracurricular or what I would call a co-curricular, it's going to be the kids that end up… It's hard to replace. That's right. It's going to be the kids that end up bearing the brunt of that. It's not like a math teacher where another math teacher is going to have to pick that up. It's just going to be something we just don't have this year.

Or we're going to maybe do something on Christmas or something. So weigh all those things carefully. And for those of you listening, thinking, well, she should just do what's best for her. She's got to quit. I tend to take a broader view when it comes to teachers and teaching because of the way these things domino and everybody else has to pick up that slack. And you did say, I'm going to be here, right?

Y'all had a conversation. You said, I'm going to be here. And that's why if it's a matter of integrity, if your principal lied to you or has not been honest with you, then there's a breach in that relationship that you don't have to own. matter of integrity if your principal lied to you or has not been honest with you um then then that's there's a breach in that relationship that's that you don't have to own but if it's just like oh it's five thousand more dollars i'm out of here right that's not cool yeah what were

you saying well they offered pay to the art teacher for doing a project for them and then she finished and then they said thanks we owe you owe you lunch. And so I'm just really nervous that even if, I don't know, there's just like, I'm just nervous about all of it. I don't want to leave everyone hanging. Yeah. Do yourself a favor here. Um, if you're in an environment where people are being dishonest and they're lying to you and they're being deceitful, then you have to make sure you're safe, okay? Make sure you write these things down because it's easy when you get sick and tired of a situation, whether it's a relationship, a dating relationship, a marriage, a job, whatever, that the one or two things that you're really frustrated with feel overwhelming. You're like, yeah, and this and then this, but if you actually wrote it down, it's like, oh,

it's actually two things. And then one of these is kind of a rumor. And then one of them, I don't even really trust her anyway. If it is, hey, another co-curricular teacher did some things that she was promised to work for in writing, and then they just decided not to pay her. You told me I was going to get a significant raise. I got a hundred dollars. You told me that I was going to get paid for these things. There is no pay for these things. And by the way, you won't even tell me that there's no pay for these right now. We have a pattern of behavior and that's just a supervisor, a boss that I'm not going to work for. Right. Um, but get all your ducks in a row and, um, yeah, let's, let's balance. Let's be a person

of integrity as we make this transition. If that's what we ended up doing. Yeah. There's a lot of bitterness and resentment here. And I've heard Dave say, when your heart leaves, your body needs to follow. And I'm just wondering, is she too far gone that point where she's just too bitter to stay there just to appease people and make good?

What I've found in my personal life is that when I have nothing but electronic communication back and forth, I read my own body language into it. I read into the silences. I read into the not responses. I tell my own stories in those spaces. That's why first and foremost, go have a human conversation, a direct grownup conversation. You said this, I'm not seeing it. What can we do to make this better? I've also heard you say, John, you go with you. That's exactly right. And if you think the next thing is going to be so much better, it's going to be amazing, but you never dealt with what was going on inside, you're going to be back in the spot six months from now.

And what's going on inside with Jessica is I just want a leader, a boss, a supervisor just to tell me the truth and then to do what they say they're going to do. Have integrity. Be pretty cool. That's a lot to ask for these days, John. That should be the lowest bar of leadership we'll be right back Today's scripture of the day is Isaiah 45.3. I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden wealth of secret places, so that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name.

Oscar Wilde says, What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. Way to go, Oscar. George, I don't know if I told you this off air. I was talking to Dave about it the other day on air. Rachel Cruz and I were doing a show a few weeks ago. Maybe it was a week ago. And I wasn't paying attention,

and she didn't say the scripture of the day is. So I just started hearing, I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden wealth. And I was like, oh, no. No clue what was happening. I was like, oh, no. No clue what was happening. I was like, Rachel's talking. Whoa. She's losing it.

She's talking in Middle English or in King James or something or other. Anyway, that's it. Let's go to Taylor in Knoxville. That was a terrible transition. Good story. We're working on that. Good story, Deloney. Let's go to Taylor in Knoxville.

What's up, Taylor? Hey, how are you today? I was good up until that last transition there and I blew it. So we can get back on track here. What's up? Super great. Hey, well, I wanted to get y'all's advice on something me and my husband have been going through. And basically my husband immigrated here to America. As an adult, he came here for school. We've been married for three years now. a conversation with his family that still is living in South America, his home country, to really facilitate a conversation with them so that we're not left paying for them

and their living expenses, which is what we're doing. We are supporting them. Okay. In a number of South American cultures, that cultures, that's, that's expected. That's a norm. Um, is this something that your husband feels like he's ready to part ways with? So as a pack, like when we were getting married, when we were preparing for marriage, we had the conversation and I knew that his mom would need to be supported.

So that's totally fine. And that's something that we are prepared to do. It has gone to a place now where we're supporting more than just his mom. And I want to say that my husband is the baby of all his siblings, and he's supporting four siblings at this point. So let me ask my question in a different way. You said we. Are you done with this or is he done with this too?

He's done with it too. And it really started at the first of the year. We had kind of a, a blowout with the family that kind of spurred him realizing how done with it he was. Um, I've, I come from a different place. I'm trying to be more patient. I'm an only child and the differences there are stark. I'm trying to be more giving, but I'm also trying to get us in a place where they can be self-sustaining so we can be separate in our own way. Sure. So you're dealing with some financial realities and some birth order realities and some just cultural differences, right? Which is common and normal and can be confusing and frustrating and super fun.

All that all mixed into one. Ultimately, the question you're asking is as simple as here is what we as a married couple will agree to send away from our home to care for your family. And we will send this much. And that's what we have to send away from our home to care for your family. And we will send this much. And that's what we have to send. The rest of it, we're going to give every dollar a name. The rest of it is going to go to paying our debts off, to buying us a home,

to providing some stability for our family unit here in the United States. And whatever number you agree on is probably going to be way less than he feels comfortable. And that doesn't mean that he feels that it's wrong, but he's going to wish he had more money to send home to take care of everybody. And it's probably

going to be more than you would like to because you'd like to keep all the money you make. And we're going to agree on a number and then we're not going to fight about it anymore. And then, here's the deal. You cannot make his family self-reliant. That's a choice they have to make. You can't make him feel less guilty.

He's going to feel some guilt because his life is going to look different than his brothers and his sisters and his family. Okay? because his life is going to look different than his brothers and his sisters and his family. What you can do is you all agree on this thing together, and you can support each other as you experience these ups and downs. Does that sound fair? It sounds fair. Let me say this. There's not a conversation you're going to have with his family that's going to go well. Okay.

That won't exist. There's not a magic line that he to have with his family that's going to go well. Okay. That won't exist. There's not a magic line that he's going to call them and be like, I decided they're going to go, oh, okay, cool. That's not going to happen. Right. He's tried to have conversations and tried to explain with his siblings. Like his siblings are just a few years older than him, but like I said, he's the baby. And those conversations, as well-intentioned as they are, they end with him being a villain in their eyes, and it's very emotional, and it's very, well, what are we going to do?

So at some point you have to stop having a conversation because it's not fruitful. Yeah. One of my core tenets is only speak if you can be heard. And right now his family has proven to him he can't be heard they're gonna keep beating him down and beating him down until they get what they want from him which is not his relationship it's his money if the relationship is hinging on a paycheck then there was no relationship so if this money stops and they decide to disown him, that's something you guys have to own and move on as a boundary and go, all right, that sucks that we can't be family anymore.

But this can't continue because they're taking advantage of him at this point. This is not generosity. Right. It's almost. Yeah. to the point where, well, it's been at this point for a long time that we don't call to check in on them because we're just waiting for them to call with whatever the new drama is. And that's not a place that we want to be in. We are trying to have family moments together.

But you don't get to choose those moments. Okay. A plug, like the end of an outlet, like the end of an extension cord has to have a plug that will receive it for the electricity to channel through. And you could be the greatest end of an extension cord, but if you're just trying to jam it into a wall, it won't go in there. If there's no plug, they won't receive it. And if they want $2,500 of your money every month and you've decided we can afford 500 bucks to send to support grandma

and a couple of other nicks and necks or to support mom, that's what you can do and if they don't want to be in a relationship to you, then that's their choice and that's for you to grieve and be upset about but what you're not owning is that you control the other side of this thing.

At some point, you have to accept and make peace that somebody wants to be in a relationship with you only as much as you will give them cash. Yeah.

And that's heartbreaking and it stinks because that's not the way that we want it to be in our hearts and minds. We want all of our families to get along and have great memories

and adventures and we're going to go visit there and they're going to come visit here. And the reality is it doesn't often work like that in families. How much are you sending every month, Taylor, total? So right now, because mom and sister live together, we're sending $400 that pays for their apartment and their bills. Let's back up. I want to back up real quick. I want to back up.

I want to back up. It has nothing to do with mom or sister. That's not why you're sending money. You're sending money because y'all are choosing to send $400. Okay. I think we're choosing. I mean, I don't even know if we're choosing because the sustainability of life there

is a whole lot different than it is here. Exactly. That's something that I also struggle to understand is, because I mean, for our relationship to continue, like we have been having a relationship with them as we pay for their planes to come up here and visit us. They just stayed with us for two months through the holidays. But if you're broke and you can't eat and you can't pay your rent,

then that's going to get cut off eventually anyway. I'd much rather see you guys build a sustainable financial life for yourselves so that you can give when you're able to. But right now you're not able to, and it's causing a lot of problems in your home. Decide what you're going to send and send it. And if they don't want to be a part of your life, it stinks. I know, but you got to grieve it. You got to be about making something new. I want to thank Kelly, James, Ben, Zach, Andrew, Austin, Kelly, Will, Zach, everybody in the booth and my best friend in the world, George Camel and you America. Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of the Ramsey show.

Did you know over 18 million people listen to the Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to ramsaysolutions.com slash show.