The Ramsey Show - App - Our Teenagers Are Constantly Lying to Us (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 16, 2021

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Thank you. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your money and your life, your relationships, your marriages, boundaries, everything. We're here to take your calls, 888-825-5225.

I'm John Deloney, joined here by my good buddy, George Camel, and we are taking your calls on everything. George, you doing well? I'm doing so good, John. Nothing brings me more joy than hosting the Ramsey Show with you. You're married. Don't tell Dave. Well, my wife can't host the show, John.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. So it's a little different. I like hanging out with my kids more than hosting this show with you. That's a fair point. I'd rather be hanging out with my dog right now, but we gotta work. And it's a good time. We get to help people for a job. That's amazing. That is pretty good. I like

working the show with you, man. It is fun. I'm glad you're in the game. We're a good team. You're great. You're great at what you do, and I try. So there it is. Oh, you are way smarter than me, my man. All right, let's go to Nathan in Kansas City, Missouri. What is up, Brother Nathan?

Thank you, Dr. John, for taking my call. You got it. What's up? First of all, I'm debt-free. However, I just recently tapped into a personal mutual fund for $50,000, and I have a two-part question. How much should I set aside for state and federal taxes, and would I be paying taxes on the full amount that I took out or just the dividends? Great question. So this is the two-parter.

You're saying how much should you set aside? Tell me about this mutual fund. So you had invested in some stuff just in a brokerage account. This is non-retirement we're talking about? Okay. And what made you tap into it? Just curious. I'm going to invest in a rental property.

Oh, okay. Have you paid off your current mortgage? Do you have one? I'm debt-free. Oh, you're debt-free, including the house? Everything. Yes, everything. Way to go.

Hey, Nathan, let's celebrate for a second. Have you celebrated, Nathan? You're so nonchalant. Every day that I get up. I love that. How old are you, man? I'm 70. Wow. Nathan, congratulations, brother. This is what an accomplishment. It can be done. That's so great. So let's talk about this mutual fund. So are you wanting to use this mutual fund just for the rental property? Would you want to just cash it out and use that

as the down payment, essentially? It would just be used to purchase the rental property and to rehab it. Okay. And I'm guessing that's not going to cover the full cost. You said it has $50,000 in there? No. I took out $50,000. Oh, okay. You've got way more in there.

Right. I have more in there. But you're not wanting to pay cash for this property? No. That's why I took out the $50,000 wanting to pay cash for this property? No, that's why I took out the 50K to pay cash for the property. Oh, the property is only 50K, including the rehab costs? The property is about 30K, rehab maybe about 15. Wow. That's incredible. You just don't hear about that kind of real estate these days. Outstanding. Yeah. I'm impressed. Well, you're crushing here,

so let's talk about the tax implications. How long have you had these mutual funds for? About 20 years. Oh, okay. So you're going to pay a long-term capital gains tax, and for 2021, let me see if I've got the numbers here. Do you do married filing jointly or single for taxes? Single. Okay.

And what is your – you're cashing out $50K of this, right? Single. Okay. And what is your, you're cashing out 50K of this, right? Correct. Okay. And what's your income? 70K a year. Okay. So you're probably looking at a 15% capital gains tax total. So that's what I would factor into whatever the gains are. So you're not going to pay that on the 50 because not all of that is gains. So do you know how much the gains are? I don't have that available. Do you work with a financial advisor right now? No, I kind of just listen to Dave Ramsey and you guys. Wow.

I advise myself. And you've done really well, just like that. Thank you. If you want to, I would connect with a SmartVestor Pro. These are investing professionals in your area, in Kansas City, who know all the ins and outs for the state, for all that stuff. And they can help you make a really wise decision with this. But as far as what I'm looking at here with the bare numbers, what's going to happen is let's say 25 of that was you and 25 was growth on that. Then you'd pay on the $25,000, and it would be 15% of that.

So that's how much I would factor. You do need to look into what the gains were on the amount you took out, and then factor 15%. And then, did you have a follow-up? Well, I think you've answered my question. Oh, great. Yeah, I would still, I mean, if you don't have a tax pro and an investing pro in your corner with the amount of wealth that you've amassed, I would do that. And you can find both of those at ramseysolutions.com. Click on Trusted Pros. I would get in touch with both a tax pro and an investing pro because I want to make sure that you protect what you've built and it continues to build as you continue this amazing journey that you've been on. Fantastic. All right, let's go to James in Charlotte. Hey, James,

what's going on? How y'all doing today? Remarkable. How about you, man? I'm pretty deflated, to be honest with you. I'm sorry to hear that. What's up, brother? So me and my wife started off last year doing the Dave Ramsey plan and was on Dave's step two. We had $105,000 approximately of consumer debt and IRS debt. And we got that down to about $43,000. And we lost about $8,000.

Hold on real quick. You paid off $60,000 in a year? Yes. We make between $110,000 to $120,000 a year. Okay. I know you're deflated right now. We're going to get to that. But I want to take one second and just say, that's what's up. Congratulations.

That's awesome. I appreciate it. $60-something thousand dollars. It's incredible. All right. So I guess this takes a left turn here somewhere, right? Yeah. About six months ago, we went through a DSS issue and had to hire a lawyer and go through all the legal proceedings with that.

What kind of issue? What kind of issue? A DSS issue with had to hire a lawyer and go through all the legal proceedings with that. What kind of issue? A DSS issue with my kid. Okay. And so we lost all three of our kids and had to get them back and went through all that stuff. What happened? My kid went to school and basically used an imaginative story, and they took it seriously and pursued DSS, and they basically took us through the winger for no reason. And so DSS is the Department of Child Protective Services in your area?

Yes. Okay, and so they reported some sort of abuse of some sort, and they came in and did an emergency removal? Yeah. Okay, and then came in and did an emergency removal? Yeah. Okay. And then y'all went through getting an attorney and fighting to get your kids back? Yeah. And we did get our kids back about a month ago or so.

How long were they gone from you? About two months. Okay. I'm sorry to hear that, man. That's a nightmare. Yeah, we haven't really got over that part of it yet. And my kids haven't either. They're not really done. I'm sorry to hear that, man. That's a nightmare. Yeah, we haven't really got over that part of it yet. And my kids haven't either.

They're not really the same now either. We're going through the whole counseling thing with them. Good. So how can we help, man? So I lost that $8,000 through that process, which I don't think that's – I would spend another $8,000 to get my kids back. But it just threw me off track, especially with the economy now, with inflation. When I do my budget, I'm just not motivated no more. So on the back end of the trauma you and your family have just experienced,

you went to fight or flight. You fought for your kids, you went sprinting after them to protect them, you got everybody back in the house, and that snow globe of your home has been shaken. Not having motivation is totally normal. I want you all to grieve this thing together, lean into that counseling, and then you and your wife are going to have to excavate what was and build something new because you're a family that's experienced trauma. You've got this. I saw some recent financial statistics and there was some pretty troubling news.

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and their team keeps the entire process simple and affordable. Go to Zander.com for quick online pricing or call 800-356-4282. This has to be a priority. If your family is in this situation, you need to get this done. 888-825-5225 This is the Ramsey Show talking life and relationships and your money. Right before the break

we took a call from James in Charlotte, North Carolina. James was him and his wife were on the same page and they were just crushing $100,000 worth of debt and we ran right up against the break there, James.

And so I'm glad that you hung on the line because I want to circle back a little bit. You guys had paid off $60,000 in a year. And for any number of reasons, behind closed doors, there were some conversations at school with one of your kids. And the Child Protective Services got involved, took your kids away for a while. They are now back, but you spent a chunk of money, 8,000 bucks with attorneys and fighting for your kids, which as you noted, you would have spent 16, you would have spent a hundred thousand dollars getting those kids back in your home. But now you're in the big exhale, right? Things feel like they're in ash. Am I right? That's right.

So walk us through what's going on in your home. Financially? No, no, no. I'm talking about the spirit of your house right now. Is everybody deflated and a little bit terrified and exhausted and mad and all those things? Yeah, a little bit of everything.

And my spirit of not knowing what to expect. You always expect another call or visit from DSS. Okay. And what's happening in that school when he goes to school. I mean, it's just what he's going through and the guilt he feels. Like, we try not to make him feel guilt about it. But, I mean, he's eight years old, so he does feel a little bit and understands a little bit of the repercussions, but not all of it.

And what about the other kids in their home? Are they upset with you guys, with them, with everybody? Well, another kid involved was five years old and then a one-year-old. Okay. And the one-year-old, we kind of lost a little bit of bonding time with him and a little bit of development delays because he wasn't in our care. Yeah. And the five-year-old was just going through a bunch of separation anxiety. Yeah.

So we're getting him treated for that as well. How long were they gone? Right at two months. Two months, huh. And normally we don't even go a night without him. We don't pawn our kids off and go have fun. We normally just do family stuff all the time if we're not working yeah so they're not used to being away from us and we're not used to being away from them and this is one of those hard things because

you're a parent of three young kids and you as someone who loves your kids and probably the children that your kids associate with you want a group of people that will kick the door in and protect children from bad parents, right? Yeah, because I was a foster kid. There you go. You want that service, and at the same time, you're on the other end of a misunderstanding,

and there's that, thank God, there's a group of people like that out in the world, and oh my gosh, my family just suffered trauma, major trauma. Yes. How's your marriage? Our marriage is pretty good. If it wasn't good, I don't think we would have made it through them two months. Okay.

Everybody in a marriage after a situation like this, people grieve differently. How are you all grieving? My wife took it really hard, and I was more on the anger side. So when she would cry I would like try to shut that down and I didn't let her grieve like I should have to be honest with you okay I just because like if I felt like if I would have got to the point of the crying and stuff like I would have lost everything and my emotional well-being and I couldn't let that happen at the time because I had a fight ahead of me I couldn't you know what I mean like my so I don't think I went through the grieving process

correctly and I don't think I've let her do that as well okay so um here's what I want you to do you've got all three kids back how long have y'all been back together um I said a month but I think it's about two months now because we went we just did our family vacation a weekend ago okay how was that uh it was pretty good just rushed okay but i felt like it would uh it kind of put my kids in a better place emotionally so before i start answering questions that i want to answer what how can i help you brother so like i'm like really i could be debt-free tomorrow. The only thing holding me back is two vehicle loans.

Okay. And where I put myself, and then, like, when I budget to do that, like, every little step, like, now, like, I guess because of anticipation that something's coming up now, it just, like, I can't go all in no more. Like, I feel like I got to hold back and wait to see what else is going to happen. How honest do you want me to be with you? 100%. Okay.

Somewhere along the way, probably when you were one or two years old, four or five or six or seven or eight, nine or ten years old, you learned I cannot be vulnerable or it will get me killed. Yeah. You're a foster kid. That still hangs over you like a cloud sometimes on a bad day. Is that fair? That's right.

And at the same time, you're grateful for the people who took you in. Is that fair? That's correct. Okay. So you live in this toggled world, back and forth and back and forth. And what you have done over the last, how old are you? I'm 36. Okay.

The last three decades is you got real, real strong. Real strong. And in counseling, we call it leakage. And that's a dirty diaper term, but the reality is this. You can deal with that stuff or it will deal with you. It will come out in rage. It will come out in anger. It will come out in unable to take a firm next step. And so you end up just shutting down and shutting down. If you think of like one of those machines at the dump that crushes cars and just presses down your feelings and your emotions and your relationships, another word for that is it will depress everything. That's where I'm at.

That's where you are. That's exactly right. So I want you to know two things. Number one, your body's working just like it's designed to. And you can heal. And you'll be able to take a full breath again if you choose to the choice there starts with sitting with your wife one night after your kids are in bed and looking her in the eye and holding both of her hands and saying

i didn't let you grieve this i didn't let you cry and i'm sorry and then following that up with i don't know how to grieve and cry and I feel like if I start crying, I won't ever be able to stop. And what you're going to do, it's completely counterintuitive to enter a fight on your back, right? Yeah.

And the only way through this is through connection and relationship and the only way to connection and relationship is through being vulnerable and being honest and saying the words, I and relationship is through being vulnerable and being honest and saying the words, I hurt, I'm scared, I'm sorry. And those aren't three words that have served you well in the past

because you've had to be really tough to navigate a really hard row, right? That's right. Do you love that woman? Yes, I do. You trust her? Yes. Now's the chance to turn it all around.

When you connect, you'll be able to breathe. You'll be able to sleep for the first time in four months. That's right. And when she says, how can I help you, and you're honest with her, you'll be able to breathe and sleep. And when you ask her, how can I best serve you right now? How can I help you grieve? Because I know we're going to grieve different.

And that doesn't mean you've got to cry on the floor and kick and scream and write poetry to yourself. Everyone grieves differently. But you've got to be honest about what you need. And then you can go into the money stuff. But the money stuff is, the fear about the money is a symptom of a heart that is still in fight or flight. A brain, an amygdala that's still

burning bright, waiting for the next knock on the door. You get what I'm saying? Yeah. And I know, I know, I know, my brother, this is scary and this is all new and these are skills you haven't used before. And so you're going to have to practice it and you're going to goof it up and you're going to feel awkward and you're going to feel scared so you're going to have to practice it. You're going to goof it up. You're going to feel awkward. You're going to feel scared.

And you're going to backtrack. All those things are good. But your wife's got to know, I'm in with you. And that starts with, I'm sorry. I should have let you cry. And I don't know what to do. And I thought that if I started crying, I would never, ever stop. And you're not, man, George, so many of us learned that skill, right?

Cover up, man. And stick your chest out and just go out swinging. That's what so many of us know to do. And it feels counterintuitive. It feels unsafe to back down and look at somebody and say, I'm scared. I don't know what to do next. And we're seeing all over the country, man, the research on leaders who came out during the last 18 months and tried to flex and snap into a slim gym their way through this.

They are cracking. The people underneath them are leaving in droves. And those leaders who came out and said, I don't know what's next. We're going to rally around. We're going to work really hard and we get new information. We're going to change our minds.

We're going to do things different. The people are staying. And they're staying and they're being successful and they're pivoting and moving. Same thing works in relationships and in marriages. It's a hard, hard season, my brother, and scary. And I'm sorry that your family experiences trauma. Healing is up to you and your wife, and it comes today.

Start today, Brother James. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, y'all. I'm Christi Wright. Listen, when you're tired and not getting enough sleep, your health and happiness suffers. That's why I'm a huge fan of Glorify, the number one daily worship and well-being app. This app has calming meditations and peaceful sleep music so you can finally push pause and get some rest.

Give Glorify a try. Download the Glorify app and get 50% off their full library when you use the code Ramsey. That's the code Ramsey Show and on our debt-free stage Rob and Anna are here to do your debt-free scream How much did we pay off? We paid $26,784 $26,784

How long? 12 months Where are y'all from? We're. How long? 12 months. 12 months. Where are y'all from? We're from Phoenix, Arizona. 12 months. How much money are you making? About 85 now.

Started around 55 when we started paying off the debt. 55 to 85. That's a big jump. What happened? Well, with pandemic, he lost his job. And so I just started working as much as possible. Very cool. So what happened 12 months ago that you said enough's enough?

Let's hit the gas on this thing. Just, you know, we took FPU years ago and lived Davis for a long time. That kind of helped us get through like a couple of weird bumps in, you know, going to nursing school, just having weird housing situations, like just getting through that. But then, yeah, 12 months ago with the pandemic hitting and, you know, we just were like, this is not cool. Like we need to do something. Kind of going to that hoarding mode of, you know, what do we do?

You know, because I just lost my job and it's, you know, save as much and then the money's just sitting there and I still have these debts. So we just started paying. Yeah. You know? So you got spooked. You were like, never again. For sure.

So what kind of debt was this? It was two student loans and a car. Two student loans and a car. All right, so take us back 12 months. Who sat down with who and said, today's the day we make a change? It was always sort of my thing. Yeah. The head of the organization here.

So can I ask you a personal question? Yes. So you lose your job. The research tells us that the psychology of a job loss can be similar to the loss of a loved one. It's a heavy trauma. Yeah. Both psychologically, spiritually, to our ego, right? Yeah.

Then your wife comes to you and says, I'm in charge now, right? What about that situation? A lot of guys I've talked to over the years would turtle up, would puff their chest out and say, hey, hang on. What about that situation said, you're right, let's do this? Well, I never thought that she wasn't right. Pride has to step to the side whenever you're doing something like this.

When the pandemic hit, the kids had to stay home too, so someone had to be there anyway. It was like a curse and a blessing to be there. We have to do whatever we can do for the girls. It's bigger than just us. It can be very isolating for anyone that does go through this because even if you don't like your job or you love your job, that's social interaction that you're missing out on. Absolutely.

It can be very tough to replace whenever you have a six- and a two-year-old in home. I don't know, man. I know some workplaces where that's about the caliber of interaction. But yeah, I do get that. Absolutely. So you get on the program. Tell us about the last 12 months. Yeah, just working really hard.

At the time that the pandemic hit, I had been working part-time because we had two kids. And so just working a lot. I did Christy's business boutique. So I had my little side hustle repairing American Girl dolls. And I ended up getting a lot of business. A lot of people were sitting at home, needed repairs done. Tell America what it costs to get an American Girl doll repaired. Well, I've done repairs for up to about $200 for one doll.

Depending on the age of the doll and what it needed repaired. I had to get stitches on my live child once for about $200 for one doll, depending on the age of the doll and what it needed repaired. I had to get stitches on my live child once for about $200, and I was kind of annoyed by that. Yeah, that's wild. Wow. Way to go to get rid of this debt. Exactly. You guys are inspiring. And so you basically just, I'm crushing it.

I'm going to take care of, I'll become the CEO of this house, and we'll make it happen. Who was your biggest cheerleaders? My parents, for sure. Um, my mom was the one who had bought us a FPU, you know, years ago when I took it at our church. And so they've always been, you know, the, for the forefront for us. And, uh, I mean, just each other as cheerleaders, you know, like I would get exasperated about something and I mean, he's just my rock. He's there for me. Like he picks me up. Like we, we do. I mean, it sounds cheesy, but we complete each other.

Like it's, you know, God put us together for a reason. So I really feel like, you know, it's just been, it's, we've been perfect for each other for that. It's just, you know, one of the things that's big that we did before, even though we were living Dave-ish, we didn't, I don't personally ever spend a lot of money. I've never had a credit card in my whole life. So it's, you know, just, it's just kind of frugal that way. But we do like to eat out. So that kind of took a back seat and started making everything at home from scratch.

Yeah, he learned how to do tortillas from scratch at home. She loves tacos, so we got to do it. As any good, wholesome person with integrity and character does, they like tacos, right? Yes. What would you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? I would just say, you know, sticking together. Have your person. Make your budget.

Be intentional with it. You know, I read Rachel's book, and I just, I wondered, why am I going to Target? Like, what is the point of being there and spending this money? You know, so just the intentionality of everything is really what helped. wondered why am I going to target? What is the point of being there and spending this money? The intentionality of everything is really what helped. Just supporting each other. I've always had an issue with the all or nothing mentality. It's really easy

to be defeated. If it's not working out, it's like, we'll just do something different. Just that one foot in front of the other. How do you eat an elephant? It's one bite at a time. Dave always says he reads The Tortise and the hare every year, and every year he reads it, the tortoise wins every time. So what's it feel like to be debt-free?

That's amazing. It's great. Shortly afterwards, we had some major car issues, which maybe a year ago would have been who knows what would have happened. Maybe we would have had to turn that other way and go deeper into that. But you get a $2,800 car repair, and it's like, oh, we've got the money for that. It's annoying. It's not like it.

Exactly. Fantastic. So I see two little ones, Sophia and Emma. Can I bring them up on stage? Come here, girls. Come on, girls. Come here. Sophia, mask off, please.

Beautiful, beautiful. Come in front. So sweet. In front. You got to watch because they're wearing matching dresses, and America needs to see the cuteness right now. Yes. And I know you all know this,

but the stress and uncertainty and fear that you all faced 12 months ago, 13, 14 months ago, because you lived like no one else for 12 months, those two beautiful, beautiful little girls will never know. You've changed their entire legacy. And they'll enter into college and their marriage is debt-free and they'll have a peace that their peers won't understand because of the work y'all did this year.

I'm so grateful for you guys. So Rob and Anna and Sophia and Emma from Phoenix, Arizona paid off $26,700 in 12 months, making $55,000 to a repairing American doll, $85,000. Count it down for your debt-free scream. Three, two, one.

We're debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Happy birthday, Hannah! That's what I'm talking about. While holding Kermit. I love that she's holding a Kermit. I bet she could repair it, too. I know she could. But she couldn't get $200 for that.

No, not out of me. What an incredible couple. Man. So, George, 12 months ago, we were sitting here at the office, She couldn't get $200 for that. No, not out of me. What an incredible couple. Man. So, George, 12 months ago, we were sitting here at the office. Everybody was a little bit nervous. What's going to happen? Where are we going?

The business is going good, but we're running around. Take me to your house. You and your wife are sitting down, and you have this conversation. And you look up 12 months later. What's that feeling feel like in your home? Man, it's freedom. I mean, like they said, when it comes to these emergencies and the next pandemic and the paranoia and the fear, you can just suck all of that out by being in a place where you are financially free, where you have a foundation set to where nothing's going to shake you guys. It might be annoying,

might be frustrating, but it's not going to be a crisis. There you go. And where they've set themselves up right now with total debt freedom with these two beautiful little girls, it just gives me hope for America. And I want everyone to know that, hey, where you are right now doesn't need to be where you end up. And just 12 months could change the next 40, 50, 60 years. And more importantly, could change the next 60, 70, or 80 for those two and their kids and so on and so on and so on. One of my favorite things in a debt-free screen, people, you know, they get on the stage and there's cameras and hearing lights and people are a little bit nervous and they tell their story. And it always comes back physiologically. You can see it on their body. And they often will hold hands a little bit tighter.

You can feel it on them. And then you ask them that one question. What's it like to be debt-free? And just like these two beautiful folks, they light up. Their shoulders drop. They exhale. You have no idea. It's incredible, right?

If you are vacuuming your house, if you're at work and you've got your headphones on, if you are driving your car right now, wherever you happen to be, listen to this. Feel your shoulders right now. Feel that pit in your stomach. Just exhale and drop your shoulders. That's peace. That's freedom. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more.

Use promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Rules and restrictions apply. Today's question comes from Brittany in Iowa. I've worked hard for 17 years to support my family. God recently opened the door for me to pursue a doctoral degree with a full scholarship that covers tuition and a monthly stipend. The stipend is significantly less than my salary because I have zero debt. We'll be okay. The problem is I recently found out my husband has $20,000 in credit card debt. He also has a hefty car note.

He wants me to cash out my retirement funds to pay off his debt. So Brittany, here's the hard reality that you face. Your marriage is on life support, and it is about to have a giant split in it. You are taking a hard left turn into a doctoral degree with a full scholarship, and your husband is living in the past in what was, and both of you are pretending things aren't any different yet. They are. I don't like you using my money plus his money and his debts plus my debts. It tells me y'all are not on the same page and to commit to a doctorate degree. That's a life, right? That's a full-time job. And this is going to be a tough road to hoe without support, much less somebody else that you're dragging along behind you.

So what y'all need to do ASAP is you need to go sit with a marriage counselor before the weekend is up. Sit with a marriage counselor and you have to be honest. You have to look at your husband and say, I don't feel that you're a person of integrity when it comes to my money. We're not on the same page here. I'm about to enter into a whole new adventure. And, um, otherwise I've just seen too many people in the situation, George, they don't come back from this. Yeah. Right. And it doesn't have to be a doctoral degree. It could be, I got a great job offer in this new town or I'm finally selling my car because I can't do this anymore. There is financial infidelity here. He's hiding money.

There is hefty car notes, wants to cash out retirement. I mean this is just a disaster hanging on by a thread. Yeah, on the money side, under no circumstances are you going to cash out any retirement funds, Brittany. Please, if you're listening, don't do this. What's going to happen is he needs to take five jobs, clean up this debt, probably sell a car, drive a beater, get rid of this 20K in credit card debt, and you guys are going to get on the same page. You need to become a team here. This is not his problem, your problem. This is you all's problem. This is we. I'd'd be willing to bet george that he is telling his buddies my wife's about to quit her full-time job and just go back to college and in some ways he

might be right that we're having these money challenges we're having this challenges and we're not on the same page this is a relationship that's not on the same page and this is a relationship that has way bigger holes in the boat than you think they do yeah so turn the lights on stop the dance music. Somebody's got to call this thing, and you've got to go see a marriage counselor ASAP. This sucker's on life support. Yeah, it's less of a financial question

and more of a relationship question. The house is on fire here. But do not cash out retirement, and this can be cleaned up, but I'm more concerned about the marriage than I am the financial components. That's right. Absolutely.

All right, let's go to Scott in Kansas City. Hey, brother Scott. What's going on, man? Hey. Kind of nervous here. That's right. Absolutely. All right, let's go to Scott in Kansas City. Hey, brother Scott. What's going on, man? Hey. Kind of nervous here. Hey, we are too. We don't know what we're doing. Scared out of our minds.

Yeah. What's up, man? I got Dr. John. I got a question for you. It's been a long, hard road. We got eight kids. We got two biological kids, and we adopted the last six. Um, the two biological girls, they're both out of school and out of the house, you know, and really successful and stuff,

really doing a good job. Uh, probably got now is the next two in line, the 16 and 14 year old boys, biggest lie constant. I mean, it's just heartbreaking. We've had them since, uh, we've had them for 13 years and, um, there, we went to counselors for the last six, seven years, you know, once a week and we went through, I don't know how many counselors, six, seven, eight of them. I don't know. Um, they go to one during the school now since schools reopened and stuff and once a week at least if not twice uh was going to one during the week ourselves quite a ways away and then every six weeks we meet with the main counselor and um it just never ending i mean we've done medication and we've done all kinds of stuff,

but the lying, like one of them said, you know, one of the doctors said, there's no magic pill, you know, to make it stop. But how do you get to where you get them from lying? I mean, how do you make the lying stop? I mean, it's so hard.

I mean, you can't trust them. So how old are they again? 16 and 14. So in 30 seconds, you've told me a lot of stuff that communicates your kids have a lot of problems. Yeah. That they are costing you a lot of money, a lot of your time, they're taking a lot of your soul from you.

What's good about these boys? They're very hard workers. Whenever they love you, that's achievement-based, brother. That's achievement-based. They produce. Whenever they love you, they love you,

but whenever they get mad, it's mad. They have a tip that not just ADHD. I can deal with that cause I'm that myself, but like the oppositional defiance disorder, you know, the odd and then the, the attachment disorder, the attachment disorder just breaks a person's heart uh you know it seems like once we just got back from a week vacation down there in disney and universal and it's like they

couldn't even enjoy the harry potter thing they're humongous harry potter fans they couldn't even enjoy it because they're just fighting with each other who's going to ride this first and they just kicking each other and elbowing each other. And it's like, you guys really ought to just be kicked out of here, you know, really. What do boundaries look like in your house? I'm assuming that for the last 13 years, you all have established pretty firm boundaries. Oh, yes. You know, I mean, we've grounded and everything else. And, you know, and then we've disciplined with the spankings, with the taking away stuff and everything else and you know and then uh we've disciplined with the spankings with

the taking away stuff and everything it just don't seem like anything does any good um the 16 year old he's um he really uh likes to accomplish stuff you know with work and everything he's been mowing yards and 14 year old has been to Been mowing some yards and stuff and got him another job even starting here today and stuff. He's not listening to me whatsoever and my wife. He's not listening to us whatsoever. He just thinks that we're just trying to sabotage him. But just to try to give you an example, the other day they was doing a trap shoot practice

because they're not interested in baseball and basketball and stuff so anyways but we go hunting and they do we're trying to get them involved with the trap shoot anyways i wasn't down there with a 16 year old because he can drive himself anyways we're coming up against the clock so so get there to the end of it well it's just like the coach said you know he will not listen and finally i just made said, you know, he will not listen. And finally I just made him quit. You know, the coach and the parent, you know, had to holler at him and everything else. And it's like he don't even recognize or he will not admit that he did anything wrong. So Scott, when's the last time you put that 16-year-old boy's head on your chest and you put your hand on his face,

and you held him for about 30 seconds and said, I love you? Yesterday. I try to almost every other day, and I tell you what, he just pushes back. Okay. I mean, I don't know if you've ever seen that attention during the attachment. I tell you what, it's hard. It's super hard. It's super hard. It's super hard.

No question about that. And there is an express lane in the afterlife for those who take on foster children. It's hard. And when we look at our kids, and so here's what I'm going to tell you. I can't answer this question in eight minutes. You've got so many mental health professionals around you.

What I want you to do is to lean in less on fixing your kids and just doing whatever you can to connect. And I know that's hard and I know that's a trite answer here at the end of an hour. Lean into connection. You've got so many other things, so many other mental health providers and doctors and attachments. All that stuff your kids, your boys need to know dad loves. Not an easy answer, my friend. And I'm sorry I can't dig into it more. We'll be right back on The Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life?

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