The Ramsey Show - App - Overcoming Adversity and Winning With Money (Hour 2)

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

Dr. John Delony & George Kamel discuss: What to do with an inherited IRA, Being independent with high-functioning autism, Not being on the same page with a spouse, Negotiating with debt-collectors, Helping a child struggling with suicidal threats. Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's the Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. On The Ramsey Show, we help people build wealth, do work they love, and create relationships. It's the foundation. So glad that you're with us. 888-825-5225. Calls toll free, and that's about what the advice is worth. 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined here by George

Camel. We are taking your calls on life, work, money, mental health, all of it. Let's go to Michelle in Cincinnati, Ohio. What's up, Michelle? Hi. Thank you for taking my call. Of course. What's up? Earlier this year, my mom passed away and

I inherited an IRA for her, now for my benefit, and some silver bars and coins. So I'm really just trying to figure out primarily what to do with the inherited IRA. Well, what happened with your mom? Cancer. Oh, gosh happened with your mom? Cancer. Gosh. What was the duration? Probably like a year, but then it definitely started to accelerate. You know, towards the end it started spreading.

So at that point it went pretty fast. George and I, we're just sitting here, both of us. I could feel it in the room. Um, we both love our moms. I'm sorry. Sorry. That's hard. Yeah.

Thank you for trusting us with your call. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it sounds like she left a legacy for you with a pile of money instead of a pile of stress trying to figure out the finance, the financial part. Uh, how much was in the inherited IRA? It's about $80,000. Okay.

And the silver and gold, have you taken that to figure out how much that's worth? I don't really know what to do with it. I don't know if I should like go to a jeweler or go to like a coin, you know, cash in your coin, but you know, people that buy silver and gold stuff. I would put it in a coffee can and bury it in the backyard just in case it all comes down, Michelle. You never know. Neonocalypse happens. We're all going to be gone. I need a gold bar right now to survive. Yeah, exactly. When people are struggling for food and water, you'll have a can of gold bars. That's what we need here.

Yeah, I would definitely sell it. I would start with a jeweler and figure out what the weight is and all of that and figure out what it's worth, and they may be able to help you in selling that and recommending some further options for you how much how much gold and silver we talking like three or four bars or you got a bag of it somewhere yeah there's a lot there's bars and coins well okay you're gonna probably not want to have your address on the internet for the next few months right um yeah i would i would do that sooner rather than later and i'd probably get um if this is me i'd probably get two or three different opinions yeah of course um okay tell the jeweler who's going to try to make you a deal um thank you very very much and you at financially? We are doing really well, my husband and I. We just really have, as far as the only, like,

liability would be his vehicle. We have a loan on his vehicle and then our home. Okay. Do you guys have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses? Yeah. Okay. What's left on the car loan? It's about 20. We ended up, it kind of like all happened around the same time that my mom was passing and we just were like, just get the loan. And then we actually, we're going to pay that off in a year. So we already have a plan. We want to pay that off and just be done with it. What's your household income? That's not, we don't want to touch any of, you know,

any of any of the inheritance that I receive. You don't want to touch it. What do you mean by that? Are you, can you call and ask what to do with it? I don't want to use like the inherited IRA to pay off the vehicle. Like we really just want to try to think more about like maybe some legacy planning with the inherited IRA or like, you know, something for our kids. So this is a common thing that we do is we attach meaning to gifts like this.

Right. Yeah. And we end up... Well, when your mom tells you that. Right. Totally understood. But you see you're holding a 7% car note on a depreciating asset in one hand,

and then you're holding gold bars in the other hand. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. And so it becomes downstream. The greatest thing you can do for your legacy, if you will, is to stop letting that legacy money make somebody else rich in the meantime. Yeah.

So you can have a fully funded, you can have this IRA, you can have a bag full of gold in the backyard, and we're saving it to help somebody else down the road, and then at that same time, your money's walking out the back door, right? Mm-hmm. I know you don't want to hear that, but that's the reality. The best legacy you can leave is while you're alive, and that's getting completely debt-free while your kids are still young,

and you have all of your income at your disposal, and now we can create amazing memories and experiences and start funding college, and that's things we can't do when we have payments hanging over our head. And so if you want, it's clear you want to not touch this for now. What if we sell the silver and gold? Hopefully that's enough to cover the car loan. That would be cool. And that puts you guys at baby step four, where you have a fully funded emergency fund and no consumer debt. Now we can begin investing 15% of retirement and throwing any future income extra margin at the

house. And personally, I mean, you got the 10-year rule with the inherited IRA. So you have 10 years to use that money. And that's what I just don't know what to do with. I don't know. You're going to have to take it out at some point. And so we can't just let it sit. Like put it in an investment account or add it to our kids' 529s or I don't know. You can do a little bit of everything. You can invest some of it. You can save for college with

some of it and you can throw some of it towards the house. You can take some of it and go on a vacation. It's a choose your own adventure at four, five, six, but you still have to be intentional about making those things happen. You're investing 15%. We've got some put away for college. We've got some extra going towards the house. And you can do a little bit every year if you want with the 10-year rule. And obviously work with a tax advisor. I assume this was a traditional IRA, so there will be taxes on anything you withdraw? Yeah. Okay. So just work with a tax pro to figure out what is this going to mean for our tax situation for next year if we withdraw any of this money and it creates extra income for us because it'll be taxed at your

normal income tax rate. I can speak to what I would do in my house and I am 98.5% sure that I would take this and pay my house off. I thought about that. I would pay my house off. I would clear everything. And from this point forward, every single dollar that went into my house that came into my home would be for what we wanted to do with it. I would be making nobody else rich off my hard work from this point forward. And then I would save like mad for college and for down the road and be, I would be in the driver's seat of my own legacy at that point because I would owe nobody anything. That's just what I would do if it was me. I'm with John. We're just two, two guys opinion. Two guys opinions who don't like owing people money. Hey, we'll be right back on the Ramsey show. One of the most common pieces of advice I give folks trying to get out of debt is to sell the car.

And I get it. That's easier said than done. Selling a car takes a lot of time and hassle unless you use CarWiser. CarWiser is a free service that gets you the best offers instantly from dealers around the country. And it couldn't be simpler. Just enter your vehicle's information and boom, you've got offers to choose from. So go to carwiser.com slash Ramsey. That's carwiser.com slash Ramsey. 888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined here by George Campbell. Let's go out to Will in Birmingham.

What's up, Will? How we doing? I'm just chilling out. How are you doing today? Outstanding. How can we help? So, as a bit of background, I'm 17 years old, about to go to college, and I am medically diagnosed with autism and ADHD. And my biggest fear is being dependent on

the government or anyone else. And I guess my question is, how can I go through my life as a disabled person without being reliant on somebody else financially? So tell, number one, don't ever refer to yourself as disabled again. Cool? Yes, sir. Cool. You have some unique exceptionalities and you see the world differently. You're not neurotypical. Big deal. Okay? Yes, sir. Fair? So what does your autistic diagnostic,

what does autism prohibit you from doing, and what does it help you do? My autism mainly affects my behavior. I can't read social situations at all. Okay. And there are many times where it affects my employment. Okay. What are some things that your autism provides you that are,

put you ahead of the people around you? Me personally, I feel that I'm very focused on what needs to be focused on. I can pick out a situation and get it over with pretty quickly. Several of my favorite law students ever were high-functioning autistic. They were incredible and brilliant and struggled with social cues. And so they went into more of business law and contract law where they spent a lot of time writing

and reading and thinking through complex problems and then their interaction with the world was largely written. And that's just one tiny sliver. I want you to not head into the next stage of your life, into college. Have you already been accepted? Have you already been

out applying? No, I'm not applying yet. I don't want you to head into this season with your head down. Okay? I want you to head into this season with your head up. You've got some challenges. I want you to think of social cues as skills.

Okay? Yes, sir. Those are some skills you're going to learn, and you're going to get in an ABA program. You're going to meet with the college student support services, and they are going to put you in contact with people that are going to help you through your academic journey. Now, the other thing, what you said, I get with all my heart.

I don't want to be reliant on the government. Man, how old are you? 17. I get that sentiment. What I don't like about that is none of us, you George my wife my kids none of us get through life without other people walking alongside us and supporting and helping us so I get you wanting to be autonomous and I get you wanting to stand up on your own two feet that idea is noble it's not reality for any of us

okay what I want you to do is have the courage and the foresight to ask for support and assistance when you need it, you hadn't had to, because you are smart enough and driven enough to just get through your assignments in high school, right? You can just buzz through that stuff. Oh, yeah. Okay? College is going to be hard. And some of that stuff's on a time schedule. Some of that's working in groups, and you don't like working in groups,

or your body reacts to working in groups, right? And you get frustrated, and then people are like, he's scaring all those things. Skills, right? And you get frustrated and then people are like, he's scaring all those things, skills. Okay. And we're going to reach out for support and help with those skills. Is that fair? Yep. Okay. The world will be a better place because you are in it. Do you believe that? I tried to. Okay. I don't lie. And, in fact, I don't lie to a fault sometimes. I'm telling you the truth. Okay?

Now, your job moving forward is to take an uncritical head up walking into the challenges that lay before you, not as someone who's, quote, unquote, behind the eight ball already, who's less than. But somebody's got different challenges than other people do. And I don't want to make light of it. You've got significant challenges. It's going to be a different road for you than it was for me. And you are absolutely up to the challenge. Do you believe that?

Yes, sir. Excellent. I'm proud of you. Will, what are some of your talents, interests, things you've been thinking about pursuing or studying? Well, I'd love to be a writer, author, something along those lines. Excellent. Well, that's something that doesn't involve being around a ton of people all the time,

and there's a lot of roles like that. George and I are writing books right now, and it's the loneliest thing in the world. John, do you want to write together? No. But there's a ton of jobs. I mean, even you think about computer programming and accounting and, you know, auto mechanics and journalists and the trade. There's so many things that you can do. And so I just don't want you to paint yourself in a corner and go, well, who's going to hire a guy like me?

Right. And what skills do I have? Dude, there's so much value you can bring to your communities and so much impact you can have regardless of where you're at right now. And can I tell you this, Will? Now, most of my day is taken up doing podcasts, YouTube, and social media stuff. None of those things existed when I was 17. They didn't exist. And so what I don't want you to do is to rehearse tragedy, rehearse dismay. I don't want you to spend a lot of 17-year-old, 18-year-old energy worrying about things that may never come to pass. Instead, I want you to put your head up,

walk into the challenges that are before you, and let those challenges consume your day, not imaginary challenges that may or may not come down the road. Okay? Okay. And that is much harder than I just said it. I carry a journal with me because I have a bad habit of that too. Okay. And I'm not on the spectrum. Is that cool? Yes. Awesome. I want you to hang on the line. I'm going to uh we're going to send you a couple of things to get you going we're going to send you um anthony o'neill's book our good friend anthony o'neill the debt-free degree as you enter into the college process we want you

to do that debt-free and it's got a step-by-step guide there i'm going to send you a copy of own your past change your future it's a step-by-, here's how we're going to build what comes next. And we're also going to send you Financial Peace University for a year. I want you to start learning the skills of budgeting, learning the skills of asking yourself, what do I need? And then how am I going to get there moving forward?

And this is going to, there's going to be nine videos. I want you to watch them. I want you to pay attention and internalize them. And if your mom and dad or your friends will watch it with you, that'd be fantastic as well. But we're going to give you several tools here to get you watching. I'm going to do one more, John. Okay. Ken Coleman's book, From Paycheck to Purpose. Love it. I think that will help him figure out what that next thing is that he can sink his teeth into. Love it.

And heading into college, man, here's what I'll tell everybody. If you can learn to write, you can work anywhere, right? You can work anywhere. My dad used to tell me when I was a little kid playing Little League, if you can hit, they will find a place on the field for you. They will figure out a way to get you on there if you can hit the ball. It's writing now. If you can write, whether it's social media, whether it's long form, whether it's short form, whether it's long form, whether it's short form, whether it's expense reports, whether it is, you know, um, you know, things that lawyers write,

docs, right. If you can write, they will find a place for you. That makes me feel better, John. I'm so glad we moved from being able to hit a ball to being able to write a sentence. That is something I can do. We're getting there, George. We're getting there. George, we are way, way ahead here, but tell us, what are you thinking about writing about? Well, John, as I've been here for nine years and kind of been a part of this journey battling against such toxic myths that we believe is a culture that have led us into this place, I really want to hit that head on. And a lot of stuff I did in fine print and will be covering borrowed future and showing people a a path out because I was that guy who thought, well, this is normal. And I realized normal sucks and there's another way to live.

And so I want to unpack that system for people and go, oh, my gosh, I was believing a lie. Now I'm outside of the matrix. Now we can become debt free and live life on our terms instead of the lender's terms. And so that's a that's a little bit of what I'm working on. But I'm excited about it. Love it. Love it. Love it. I can't wait to read it. Hey, this is the Ramsey show. And so that's a little bit of what I'm working on, but I'm excited about it. Love it, love it, love it. I can't wait to read it. Hey, this is The Ramsey Show.

We'll be right back. The blinds.com is 100 satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color they'll remake your blinds for free you get get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promo codes they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code RAMSY to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Lauren in New Mexico. She says, my husband claims to be a, air quotes, Dave Ramsey guy. To his credit, we are now debt-free with no mortgage, but we are not on the same page financially.

I do not know how much money is in our accounts, nor do I know what accounts we have or how much money he makes. He is self-employed with a few business ventures. I currently do not have a job as I oversee care for my 85-year-old father and homeschool our special needs daughter. I can figure it all out by force, but want him to share and include me voluntarily. Do I keep waiting for a calm and peaceful inclusion in our finances, or do I just gather the information against his will and move on? Lauren, that will never come. There will never be a moment he's driving down the road and thinks to himself,

Whoa, I'm an arrogant jerk who wields I know something you don't know as a form of power in my marriage. Or, you know what? I treat my wife like a seven-year-old daughter. That's never going to happen. It's not going to happen. You're going to have to sit down and say, not knowing our financial position,

not knowing where the money is, what you owe, what businesses you have, scares me to death. I can't breathe when I think about our money because I don't know where it is. I don't know anything. And if you die, I don't know what to do next. And if you live, I don't know what to do next. And I'm watching my 85 year old dad pass away in front of me. I'm homeschooling our special needs daughter. I am already exhausted, both psychologically and spiritually and like physically. I need you to be on the same page with me. That's where you start. And here's the scary thing about being vulnerable. Like the idea of vulnerability is an animal rolling over and showing its belly. It can get hurt.

You put that on the table and he looks at you and says, I'm not talking to you about this, which could happen. It's a risk. Then you have bigger issues. And my gut tells me, you Then you have bigger issues. And my gut tells me, you know you have bigger issues. This is not indicative of a healthy marriage. And usually people are not unhealthy in one place.

Usually if you get the flu, your whole body hurts, and you throw up, and you got the rockets, and you feel your head hurts. All of you hurt. My guess is this is just a small piece of a larger relationship issue that you need to deal with. George, what do you think? I just don't know what to believe about this guy. He's saying they're debt-free with no mortgage. She has no idea because she's not involved in any of the finances. She doesn't even know what kind of business ventures he's into. And so this all seems like it's built on a house of lies. And while she may be in a great place financially, maritally, this is a terrible situation. And I'm going to go with maybe. Maybe he tells you

you're out of debt. You don't know. He tells you that you have no mortgage. We've just seen so much of this where something happens. He goes, I had no idea. He had four different credit cards in a different account that I had no idea. And he racked up all this debt, and now he's disappeared or he's passed away. And then you're left, while grieving, with this whole financial picture to deal with, going, I don't know the login to the bank account. Right. And let's make no mistake.

You are not a Dave Ramsey guy if your wife does not have a sequel, I mean an equal, if not more powerful seat at the table. It was a bonus chapter of Total Money Makeover where Dave said, don't talk about money with your spouse. Make sure to keep all accounts separate. And secret, yeah. No, this is not part of the plan. We don't even know if her name is on the bank account. That's right.

Or on the mortgage. If you have ever had the opportunity to sit at a table with Dave and Sharon, you would know that Lauren, your husband, is not a Dave Ramsey guy because Sharon knows everything. And please tell him to stop self proclaiming that. It's embarrassing to all of us. Yeah, he paid off his credit cards. Great. Good job, man. Paid off his mortgage. Maybe. Good. Do the next hard thing, which is sit down with your wife and explain where all the money is, how it works, and stop using, I know something you don't know, as a tool of power. That's the weakest form of leadership, is I know something you don't know. It's the worst. All right, let's go to Linda in Orlando, Florida. What's up, Linda? Hi. How are you? I'm great. Excellent. I wanted to know, okay,

I'm jumping in. I don't know if you want to ask me something no come on in what's up okay is it okay to bargain with a debt collector on a hospital bill when the hospital refused to provide an itemized bill well

yes it's always okay to bargain with collection companies I'm concerned that they wouldn't give you a bill why wouldn't they give Well, yes, it's always okay to bargain with collection companies. I'm concerned that they wouldn't give you a bill. Why wouldn't they give you an itemized bill? So we went through, I have no idea. I asked them twice to mail me that, and they didn't. Okay. And they just sent it to collections.

It was through the ER. We went to the ER with my husband last year and they had done an x-ray and a COVID test and said it was COVID and sent us home saying that they couldn't treat us. And then they send a $1,500 bill and I said, well, I need an itemized bill. And they said, okay, we'll get back to you. They sent the same bill, nothing itemized. And I asked them again for an itemized bill, and then they sent it to collections. Okay. So here's my guess. Well, actually, I don't even want to guess. Have you driven up to the hospital and say, I need a bill because now I'm being sued by collections on something that I've never gotten an itemized bill for?

No, I haven't done that. Okay. If I told you, hey, there's $1,500 over at the hospital in an envelope and you need to go pick it up, you would stop what you're doing and go pick that up. And often, I've been there too. I just wait for emails or I just make phone calls and I don't actually get in there and not disrespectfully, not ugly, but cause a ruckus and say, Hey, you're billing me $1,500. Maybe I do owe that money and I'll pay

it, but I need to know what I'm paying. That's not unreasonable, but you need to look somebody in the eye and say, please, while I'm here, print me off a bill because I asked for it twice and now you're now another company is suing me for it. And it's not fair because I'm just waiting on you guys. Okay. And it's best if you could even take in, um, take in the dates that you made the phone calls. I called on this day. I called on this day. Here's a copy of my phone records. I've been waiting for this.

Really not cool that y'all rolled this thing over already on me. Please give me an opportunity to see what you're even charging me. And then, yes, when a collection company calls, absolutely you can negotiate with them. And never give them any personal information. Never give them access to your bank account. You can do a cashier's check, money order when the time comes. If they do choose to settle, they say, we'll take $1,000. And I mean, you can hassle the collections company and say, listen, you show me the itemized bill, and I'll be happy to pay. But until then, I don't know what this is and what I'm even paying for.

And it could turn out to be a bad debt, and'm even paying for. And it could turn out to be a bad debt and they just clear it. And it could turn out that you paid $118 for a piece of tape and you can sit down with the hospital and protest that. $90 Tylenol. Right. They've never given you the opportunity to do that or a $750 COVID. Whatever the thing is, who knows? But yeah.

And get it in writing. Whatever they say, make sure to get it in writing so that you don't call back and say, whoa, I paid in full. And they go, I don't know where you got that from. That's exactly right. So just some good steps to protect yourself. I was stunned. I didn't ever think this through. I shouldn't say I'm stunned. I was surprised. I didn't know this, this sort of practice would be legal, but our friend Anthony O'Neill used to work for collection agency for a season. And the gold standard was to get like, I'll cut a deal with you right now.

I'll take $1,000 off, but I'm going to direct deposit it. I mean, I'm going to direct withdraw it from your checking account. If you give me your checking account number, I'm going to get this thing done right now. And I'll do $500 over the next seven months. And people were so desperate. They'd say, okay, great. I got a payment plan. And man, that money would start draining out of that account. That's right.

So don't ever give your checking account number, your credit card number, anything like that. Always get it in writing and get a cashier's check from your bank. It's worth three or five bucks or whatever it costs to get that done. Thank you so much for the call, Linda. 888-825-5225. This is The Ramsey Show. Give us a shout. We'll be right back. 888-825-5225.

This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go out to Alan in Rhinelander, Wisconsin. What's up, Alan? How we doing, man? I'm doing the best I can. My wife and I are 36 years old. We are a family of five, a blended family. Um, and, uh, our oldest is 12. Um, we split 50, 50 custody and we have two other kids of seven and four. And, uh, like I said, we are dealing with our oldest 12 year old, uh,

about six weeks ago, threatened to take his life and thankfully told my wife and I, uh, on the phone to, and we've been taking him to therapy once a week and I've just kind of seeking your advice, what else we should do in our situation. Thank you. I'm so sorry, man. Was that out of the blue? Two of you have been struggling for a while. Because we are 50-50 split with his father and coming to our house,

that's a good chunk of it. Besides at school, he's set up bullying. And it just puts a lot of stress with that. What's the relationship like with BioDad? It's, for the most part, good. Okay. Or let me ask it this way. I'm assuming after your 12-year-old said he's thinking about dying by suicide, you got him

into the mental health care that he needed. That's a moment, and if it hasn't happened yet, this is step number one, that all the adults get in a room. I don't care what happened in the past. I don't care any of that stuff. If everybody is going to act like an adult, they need to get in a room because now this is different than, I get this and I get,

that stuff's got to be put on the back burner because we got a young kid here who's crying out for help. Yes, they're just thankful that my wife and him are a little bit closer than his dad and always communicate regularly, whether he's especially with us at home, but when he's with his dad, make sure everything's okay. And we're just thankful that he didn't hold something in, taking his life a

little bit too long much longer and uh so we could help the best that we could how's counseling going so far it's so good um it's helped him uh to speak out with the therapist. You sound like you're struggling. As a stepfather, trying to make sure that he's okay. And we're trying to co-parent with his father. Let me go back to what I said. Have you and his father and your wife and his father's wife or girlfriend whoever have y'all gotten in a room and said we have to work together

on what comes next my wife and his father yes but the three of us are communicating on the phone together okay yes okay all right good um the next step here so you got your kid in counseling which is great the next thing i want you to look at is the environment of your home where are the other where are other things on fire in your house stress wise how's your marriage how are your other kids are d struggling financially? Um, do you have addiction issue? Like where is other tension? Here's what I always want to look at with kids. Kids absorb tension. They absorb the people always say like, I got, I got, my parents got divorced when I was seven. And my first thought is, yeah, but you lived through their relationship from age four to seven, right? So that trauma is two, three, four, five years old, if not more. Where are other tension points in

your home right now? Well, the paycheck to paycheck, I worked overnight and my wife was a stay-at-home mother to try to save on daycare. And now she recently, right here, four weeks ago, began back to work to help me out. And I have since got a day shift job to be at home at night to help with getting all the kids at home taken care of and with the oldest situation to be there as well. So is that hurting you financially? Is that helping you financially? What's the, what is the status there? Because paycheck to paycheck is a lot of stress in your home. We're about the same, if not a little bit further behind since then. She's kind of replaced my second job income.

So here's what I want you to do. What do you do for a living? I work in a meat processing plant. Okay. Here's what I want you to do. That was a great move on her part. She can get a discount. I want you to think about what life looks like, Alan, in 24 months, 2 years, 36 months, 48 months.

And I want you to be honest with yourself about your financial reality with which you have found yourself. And I rely exclusively on a great butcher who helps me and my family out. And you might have found yourself in a profession that you love that simply is not tenable anymore because you can't eat or you can't breathe because it doesn't make enough money. And you can't keep working 20-hour days

with multiple kids, and you did the right thing coming home, but I want you to begin thinking long-term now. Paycheck to paycheck causes us poverty, causes us fear about money, causes us to get laser-focused on the next minute, and the next minute we start to lose the bigger picture, and you blink, and you're 49 years old,

working the same job with the same problems. See what I'm saying? Yes. And so I want you to give yourself some space, whether that's I'm going to take an afternoon off and I know I can't afford it. We're going to figure it out. And either you go talk to somebody or you get one or two people in your life that are 10 years ahead of you that you trust,

and you say, okay, I'm going to have to make an adjustment because I'm just trying to do the same thing over and over and over again, and I'm getting further and further behind. And I would say this is a work conversation, and I'm going to send you a copy of Ken Coleman's book, Paycheck to Purpose, and I'm going to send you a copy of his

Get Clear Assessment on other jobs you might have, but I don't know that this is a work issue right now. This is a, I'm exhausted. I'm married into this. This is not the picture of my life I drew up. I'm just worn out. That's what this sounds like.

Am I right? Not fully. It's just, I know sometimes the Lord tests the strong and everything kind of just hit us all at once. And since February with my mother-in-law going to the hospital and then I missed a week of work and then we fell behind taking out a little bit more loans and trying to just stay afloat. And then with that... And Alan, you're not listening to me, brother. You've got no margin, right? No. And as hard as this is to say, she will go back to the hospital at some point.

My mom and dad will too. I was at a funeral for a family member two days ago. It happens suddenly. There will be challenges. And so your goal, the reason we tell people this idea of peace, this idea of being able to go to sleep, is not going to keep mom from getting cancer. Financial peace is not going to keep kids from getting bullied at school.

But it's going to give us some margin to deal with those things when they happen. That's what we're talking about. You are in desperate need of peace, of margin, so that you can take a week off to be with your mother-in-law in the hospital and your family doesn't have to decide, do we eat or keep the heater on? That's what we're talking about. And that's going to require you to get back and say, whoa, what comes next?

Hang on the line. I'm also going to send you a copy of Total Money Makeover and Own Your Past, Change Your Future. It's three books that I want you to read. Spend some time and start thinking, how do we survive this right now? You're doing a great job. Got your kid in counseling. You and your wife probably need to go see somebody. Not probably they do. And then you have to start asking yourself, what are we going to do in two years, in three years? And you've got to reverse engineer it and start planning. Now, you, my brother, are worth a life of peace.

It's another hour in the books here on The Ramsey Show. We'll be back shortly. Stay with us. Do you love a good day, Brandt? Want to see the latest Ramsey Show videos going viral? Check out your favorite moments from The Ramsey Show on YouTube. Go watch and subscribe to The Ramsey Show channel on YouTube.