The Ramsey Show - App - Perspective Gives You Awareness (Hour 1)

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And I'm going to tell you, we are excited to be with you. We cannot wait to talk to you about the things that are on your mind. Dr. Deloney is skilled and artful at times in the ways of dealing with feelings and emotions.

I don't even know what artful means. I don't either, but we're going with it. And excited, he seriously has dug in and has spent many years helping people walk through feelings, emotions, and difficult situations. And I have spent many years helping people walk through and deal with money situations

and decisions. In an artful way. Well, at times. I'm going to say you're an artful man as well. In a very direct way. And so together, we are going to be with you and we're excited to talk with you about your questions. So here's what I want you to do.

Call us. Kelly is ready to take your call and talk with you. The number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. And always you can find us on social media at Ramsey Show. You can find me at Chris Hogan 360 and you can find John at John Deloney. And so with that, we are ready to dive in and take some questions. Now, I always talk about social media questions, and I always tell you all to send them in. And so I want to make sure we're going to start the show off with a social media question. And this one was directed at Dr. Deloney here.

And this one's real. I think we've got a lot of people that are out there finding themselves in this situation and not knowing what to do or how to cope. So here's a question, John, from Maria on Instagram. She says, my only child is going away to college. I'm sad, worried, excited, etc. I'm going to miss my girl. How do I make this transition the best I can I love this question because that she captures it all sad worried excited yeah and what so many of us do is we default to one of those and we let one of those emotions just take over and man Maria is wise enough and loves her daughter enough to feel them all at the same time which is what happens when you drop your kid off at college

for the first time. So I've had this conversation with thousands of parents over the years. I'm going to recommend that Maria plan for the next few months a weekly time for just them to talk what's going through your mind. Are you excited? What are you nervous about? And show her daughter, here's what I'm feeling. I'm going to miss you.

I actually like you hanging out at our house. Right. I am so excited for the next step in your life. And I'm going to have to do some new things because you're going to be leaving me. Right. And it teaches the child that my mom's a person too. And she's got a heart too. And she's got feelings too.

And all those things that parents often try to hide from their kids. I love this. Spend intentional time with your daughter maria needs to get some friends that she can hang out with and not dump on her daughter right all of the stuff right that's right and i'm gonna super recommend that you start considering painting a picture of what life is going to look like after her you mentioned that we can feel all these emotions, but we sit on one. How do you begin to try to sit on the most positive one? I don't even know that the most positive one is always the right one.

I think that we tend to take on an identity. I'm kind of a sad guy. I'm kind of an excited guy. And so I like when I have a moment like this where I'm feeling a lot of emotions i go to my drawer of emotions and i put on my glasses that are sad because that's just how i'm just that's just me i'm an eeyore kind of guy or i'm a super optimistic kind of guy and so i i love to encourage people to write them down because it gets them out of your head and you

get to actually see oh man i'm way more excited about my baby girl leaving than i am worried yeah but i'm also really sad and i should be sad because i love my daughter and she's lived with Oh, man, I'm way more excited about my baby girl leaving than I am worried. Yeah. But I'm also really sad, and I should be sad because I love my daughter, and she's lived with me for 18 years, and now she's going off to meet some hairy-legged idiot and all the things in between, right? So I think writing them down and getting them out of your head and then deciding, choosing wisely which one you should take on in that moment. That's good.

And I think it's important to remind ourselves of feeling what you do feel. Don't try to muffle it, you know, to experience that and to look at it. But at the same time, I think looking at it through the lens of for your daughter, where you can be more excited and encouraged for her than yourself. And I like what you said about finding friends that you can talk to. I think men are more apt to isolate. Men are idiots sometimes when it comes to this. That is very true.

Yes. To the feelings. I don't have any feelings. I'm going to go fix the boat. Well, I tell people I have three. I'm either happy, mad, or about to be mad. Those are my three. And so I have obviously had a chance to speak to some people that have enlightened me that there are more.

Allegedly. The isolation thing, I think, is dangerous. And especially, I've got a few friends whose daughters are going off to college. And they've actually opened up. And they're like, dude, I'm worried. Or I miss. And I said, man, I appreciate you telling me that. Just so it's real and they know that they can talk about what they feel.

So you've got – your boys are older than mine put yourself in in that position you're loading up the suburban to you know send send one of your boys off and they're going off to washington somewhere which is on the other side of the country from where we are in nashville put wrap your head around that for me. What would that feel like? Oh, dude. All the things. I mean, all the things like Maria said. Sad, worried, excited for them that they're kicking off life.

Yeah. Because I remember that. Nervous. Are people going to treat them? You know? Are they going to have friends? Are they going to get connected? Is that the right place for them?

You know, do they feel involved? Are they going to, the friends they're going to make for for life you know that those kinds of things would all be swirling around in my head and not one of those things is something that chris hogan can deal with can control right that's right oh it's scary i used to laugh so i would i spent years like uh working in in housing at universities and before i had my own kids i would hug these dads while they were dropping their kids off and these big old macho dudes who try to out sweat their feelings like they're just carrying refrigerators upstairs just trying to you know snap into a slim gym and not feel anything and i would hug them in the hallway when they finally broke down and i'd be rolling my eyes

and then i had hank my first son and my only son, my first kid and I'll never forget dropping him off and he's like nine months old at like a Tuesday, Thursday school at some local church for like an hour and I sat in the parking lot and my wife's RAV4 bawling my eyes out as though I was shipping him off to war and I had this

total reorientation to what feelings were like, what true love looks like, all of it, man. So, Maria, God bless you. Be open with your daughter. Get your own community you can connect with. And be intentional about feeling all of these feelings that you're going to experience because they're all real. They're all valid.

And you're going to love this transition time. And you're going to be sad with it, too. No, that's such a good point. Perspective gives you awareness. Wisdom, right? Yeah. had with it too no that's such a good point perspective gives you awareness wisdom right yeah and you know it's an opportunity for us to be able to grow forward and be able to push forward but i think you're absolutely right it's not meant life is not meant to be done alone uh isolation is dangerous and regardless and during this pandemic right i think a lot of people have felt isolated

a lot of people have felt disconnected and And so we need to use technology. Use FaceTime, Skype, all those things. We don't have to be in proximity to have connection. Right? It's about having relationship and being open and honest. Do whatever you have to do right now. Even if it's to take second rate

connection. Do whatever you gotta do. Do it. Break down the barriers, people. Life's not meant to be done alone. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. folks i love telling you about well-made well-thought-out products today i'm talking about grip six belts i don't know about you but I'm not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip6 belts are unique. Owner BJ designed a truly modern minimalist belt made of high quality materials with no holes, no flap, and no bulk. And the buckles come in really cool designs and are interchangeable. I personally own these belts in different styles.

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We are co-hosting the show this hour and excited to talk with you. As always, we told you to call in, and you have done so. And so we're going to go to the phone. We've got Jordan out in Colorado. Jordan, how are you? I am doing good today. Good. Well, it's good to hear your voice. How can we are you? I am doing good today. Good. Well, it's good to hear your voice.

How can we help you? Okay, so I have followed the baby steps. I, you know, you can see every dollar budget. I have zero debt. I have my $1,000 emergency fund, you know, the six months pay. I have $11,000 in my savings account. All right. And yes, and so I'm putting $500 a month into savings, and I've been doing that regularly for the past year. But now I'm like, well, since I have all of those, like, little safety nets, I'm like, maybe I should start putting all of that $500 into a low-cost index fund or some type of investment strategy rather than just into a plain savings account. Okay.

So you have how much in savings right now? $11,000. Okay. And that is your six-month emergency fund? No, that's my $1,000 emergency fund and then six-month pay. Okay. All right. Oh, so I have more.

Okay. Yeah. I make $2,000 a month. Okay. $2,000. Yeah. All right. $2,000.

That's $7,000. So you're wanting to know what? Are you saving up for a house? What is your goal? Yeah, eventually I want to buy a house, but I'm just 32. I'm living in an apartment with my boyfriend. I'm not looking to buy a house right now. I'm not looking to start a family.

I'm just looking to get as much money as possible. Okay. Is your income steady and everything throughout this whole COVID situation? Yes. Okay. I work in healthcare. Okay. And I'm good.

All right. Well, so what's your question? My question is $500 right now. I paid $500 into my savings. Okay. And should I, instead of putting that into my savings, because I'm like really good in my savings account right now, maybe I should put that $500 towards investment. Okay. Are you doing any investing through your job, through your 403B?

I am 401K. You have a 401K. Are you doing 15% there? No, I'm doing 7%. Okay. So what you would do is you need to get to 15% is the key, because that's what we tell people. You get out of debt, you build up the fully funded emergency fund, then you want to be investing 15% of your income for the future. And so that would be that mindset. Now, the other side of that is as you're doing this, you said you're not looking to buy a home right now, but you need to think about it.

If that's something you're going to be doing, then you're looking at your income, and then you could start to save money. That would be maybe step 3B, or for you, at some point, saving a home down payment, you would just put that inside of your emergency fund. So, you know, you said you're living with your boyfriends. You guys just need to get married and do it official, do it the right way. And then you guys can kind of combine income and start to look at what you're doing and having some plans for yourself. Uh, otherwise all you're doing is just wasting time and, you know, creating heartache and headache potentially for yourself down the road.

So that's what I would do if I'm in your shoes, get up to 15% there, start to save for a home down payment. And then now, as to save for a home down payment, and then now, as you all are starting to move forward, you don't have kids or you don't have any desire for a family yet, then you could start to look at potentially investing more. Bottom line. So that's the deal. That's the way you go with that. And that mindset is, again, it helps us to be clear. And John, you know, I talk to people all the time, and they tell me that they're they're doing the baby steps and i talk with them and find out they're not they're doing their version yeah don't jack with the recipe that man that works i am a guy that's always got a scheme on the other end of a plan right like uh you know back in high school coach would say run the route it's 15 yards yards. Break it off. Come back three.

And then I'd get out there and think, I just need to run this one at 12. Right? Or we used to run it at 11. Just run the play, man. Right? Or when I was first paying off debt and getting out of debt with baby steps, I know Dave says to do it in this order. Not that he's smarter than me or can do math better than me,

but I think I need to do it this way. Just follow it. Yeah, it does. Find other things to worry about. You can tweak a recipe from your grandmother if you want to and add more allspice or something, whatever. But when it comes to this, follow these baby steps. It's helped over 7 million people around the country change their family tree and their

whole outlook on money. So it has an opportunity to have an impact for you as well. All right, let's get to Sarah. Sarah is calling us from Minnesota. Sarah, how are you? I'm good. How are you? We are focused and not finished.

How can we help you today? All right. My husband and I are 27 years old, and we're in Baby Step 2. We were introduced to Financial Peace University after my dad took the course in 2016. Okay. My dad inherited the family farm from his dad by assuming all the debt and he had to quit the farming last year and sell some land after years of farming just wasn't enough to clean up the mess that was dealt to him. So my dad is

also receiving counseling and medication for depression in the last year. And while he's doing better and he and my mom are working on figuring out what's next, I'm struggling with this guilt that my husband and I are young and on a path to be well off while my parents have worked hard for their lifetime and are now having to figure out what they have left to show for it. So I'm just wondering if you or Dr. John have any advice on feeling guilty like other people deserve this more than what we do. That's a great question. Where do you think the guilt comes from? Why aren't you worth a great success?

I just feel like after the years that they put in, like they deserve it more. Tell me, how would you define the word deserve? Like that they've worked hard and they've done what they were supposed to do and it just didn't didn't pan out for them so i think you're tapping into something that i think how old are you 27 yeah you're tapping into something that i think is running rampant through folks my age and younger, maybe my age to about 18, which is if I just do A, B, C, and D, E, F, and G will happen. And I think all of us have been caught off guard by the pandemic, by the stock market falling in half, or all the things that happen.

That's just not how life works. And here's the deal. You've got two choices, Sarah. You can live in that. And I have have felt that I work a job right now um that my granddad could never have imagined um that someone in his family lineage would would be would be um working um so I can think man he really busted it he was a world war ii vet he did all this cool stuff and then my dad was a detective and then He was a World War II vet. He did all this cool stuff. And then my dad was a detective. And then he was a, you can live like that and it will bury you and it will cripple you and it won't solve any of your parents' problems. Or you can flip that and every day you wake up, start the day with a gratitude that says, I'm so grateful that I've got parents that

taught me how to grind. And whatever was thrown their way, they got up and they did it again and they did it again and they did it again. And I know that sounds simplistic and simple, but it really comes down to a choice. Do you want to carry around that brick of, but we've got this path now and they don't and that kind of weighs me down?

Or do you want to put that brick down and just cheer them on for who they are? It sounds like your dad's still figuring it out, is incredible good for him man i know guys who just lay down for a guy his age to go say hey i'm struggling with depression huge win a guy saying hey you know what we got to sell part of the farm huge win all of these things are telling me that your dad is a go-getter and so the guy at the end of the story um that wins isn't somebody that had everything go right for him it's somebody who kept getting up and kept getting up and kept getting up you know

and looking at that too for her you can hear her love and care oh my gosh yeah uh but but at the same time i agree it is a mindset of understanding what we have in front of us and how we apply it that's right and the word deserve we've've got to reclaim a definition of deserve, which is you deserve love and you deserve relationships. You don't deserve air conditioning, a roof, all these other things that we think a great car with leather interior, we don't deserve any of that stuff. You can work really hard, and if the things lay out for you, great, man.

That's awesome. Yeah. Well, we get the choice to continue to push and to strive. And when you get knocked down, you get back up. You dust yourself off, and you understand that, hey, this is where I'm going. I'm moving forward, right? And that's why I tell people all the time. They ask me how I'm doing.

I say, I'm focused and not finished. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Welcome back, everyone. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, co-hosting with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. We're excited to take your calls, and we're going to get to the phones. We've got Stephanie's on the line in Springfield, Missouri. Stephanie, how are you? Hey, guys.

Thanks so much for your time. Oh, you're welcome. How can we help you today? So there's a disagreement between my husband and I, and we're trying to figure this out. Yes. Do we get to be the referees? You do. You do.

Do we get the final verdict, Stephanie? You do. Oh, yes. He's actually a lot like Dr. D, too. He's a social worker. I'm on team Stephanie. Go. You can't do that.

That's fair. She hasn't even said anything yet. It could be your fault, Stephanie. Go ahead. Okay, Stephanie, tell us. What's going on? Okay, so background. We've been together for 11 years.

We've been married for six of those years. We ate four years into our marriage. He opened up and told me I knew there was a student loan. I didn't know how bad it was. My parents were fine and paid the first year of my school, and I had scholarships, and then I worked the rest of the way. So I graduated with no debt. His bill that he thought was $50,000, he hadn't been paying on. And when he told me about it two years ago, it turned into a more than $65,000 mess.

So it was pretty insane. For the past 19 months, we've been blessed. We now have a month-old baby that we've had, love of our lives, and we paid off $59,500 of that during these past 19 months. Wow. Thank you. We've been really focused. Yes, you have. Yes, thank you. And we're set to be out of debt completely by September,

and then we're planning on getting up that $15,000 emergency savings fund. And we're planning on having that done with Lord's Will by January of next year. Okay. So we're having family come and visit, and we want them to come and visit, and we're asking them to come and visit. And then we're staying anywhere from three weeks to a month at a time. And our house is 1,600 square feet. And it's a lot when we have people come and stay with us for an additional month

and really wanting to live up in house. And he is wanting for us to pay off our house. It's worth about $165,000. We have paid off, and it's now down to about $90,000. And so we could knock this out in probably a year and a half, but I'm really willing for us to go ahead and work next year in the summer for us to move. So I just wanted to get your advice so you could tell those disagreements between us. Okay. And so when you talk about moving up in-house, what is your idea, kind of square footage, Stephanie?

So, I would like something that's about 2,500, 3,000 square feet. I would like three or four children. So, and we have the same idea in terms of like a dream house, and we're thinking 270 to 350. But he is embarrassed at how long it's taken for us to get out of it in this bill. And so he has all this, and he just wants us to get a really solid situation. And we both want that for our son and for our family. So we're just trying to figure out what's best. Gotcha.

And are you both working outside of the home? Yes, sir. I'm the director of a nonprofit, and I also have a small job that I do on the side with him. And then he's, again, he's a social worker. Gotcha. So what's your household income? So it's increased. When we were paying off debt and everything, it was about $80,000, and now it's up to $90,000 to $95,000 for the year as expected. Okay, gotcha. Let me go back to something before we get into this. You said family comes to visit for three weeks to a month at a time.

Yes, sir. Why do they move in? Like, why are they there that long? We invite them. They're in a different state, and so we really want them to be here for them to be around their son. And my parents' teachers got off that summer. And my mother-in-law is set to retire in

September. My husband and I have been making do. So I love her so much and she's set for September. Your phone's going in and out. So you like them to be able to come stay. And so, are you wanting this home

because of the people coming to visit or for you and your family for me and my family my job mainly right now is working from home it's transition of that and it looks like that might be a permanent thing and i'm working on my dining room table okay very good so we got the facts and details all right john what's your vote you went team step Team Stephanie right out of the gate. So, I'm going to back away from my original declaration of Team Stephanie. I'm going to go, I'm going to split the middle Switzerland style. Here's a couple things that I would say

think through. So disappointed in you. You said something else that I don't want to gloss over, Stephanie. So, if you've got a minute, let's park on this call. I want you to not miss what I would call an easy math problem here. You would be better off financially. Forget your dreams of a huge house and your forever house and having a home office and all that stuff. If you just think about renting an Airbnb for a month in Springfield, you're going to pay $500 a month, $750 a month to take a small apartment, to take a small condo for that

kind of money. So if you think about that once a year, or let's say it's a thousand bucks and you spring for the whole thing yourself, you invite your family and you pay for it all. That's going to be significantly cheaper than selling your home and upgrading. So I want to take the emotion part out. And this is just for me, Chris is going to actually do the money part here, but I want to get back to a math problem. I also live by this rule too. Live in the house for the life you live most of the time. And so if you're going to move because you work from home

and you're going to need a home office, that's one thing. Like Chris said, if you're moving because your family comes over and stays a long time, that's not a reason to literally double your debt load, right? To take on this giant forever house that of course you guys want and all that. But live in the house that you live in most of the time. And then you make arrangements if someone comes and spends a couple of weeks with you, two or three weeks with you. I want to go back to something you mentioned earlier. Your husband sat on this deception for four years. Tell me about that. Yeah, he was embarrassed about it. So I don't

care about him being embarrassed. I just, I'm asking you, he lied to you for four years. He didn't lie to me. He just didn't realize it had gotten the big because he hadn't looked at it okay and so that was there's a difference he's a really honorable good man okay okay christian he said he didn't lie to me there wasn't any deception it just he wasn't comfortable talking about it and um i used to work at a radio station that actually had the dave ramsay show so i've always been a big dave r fan, and I would have slipped out. I did. When he told me, I did.

Yeah. And so I'm going to suggest – that's hard for me, Chris. That's hard for me, Stephanie. It's hard for me that you – he knows how you think about debt. So I'll give you this. He didn't out and out lie to you. He didn't say, hey, do you owe any money on student loans? He didn't say, no, no, no, no. And he didn't out and out lied to you didn't say hey do you owe any money on student loans he said no no no no and he didn't bury that in the backyard but there is something

to be said for hey i know my wife hates debt and she will flip out if she finds out about this i'm just gonna keep putting this envelope in the drawer right yeah here here's my thought with this stephanie i first of all i i'm gonna applaud you all for your intentionality in paying off $59,500 in debt. It tells me what you all can do when you get focused, which is phenomenal. You also alluded to that you want to grow your family. And you guys right now are in around 1,600 square feet. I'm, believe it or not, I'm actually going to swing on this. Okay, unlike Switzerland over here, Deloney, I'm actually going to have a

spine and give you a decision. I think you all could upgrade in-house. I think you all getting focused, finishing off this student loan debt, you said this home you owe around $90 to $95. How much do you think it's worth? It's worth $165.

We bought it at $135. Right. I think you guys looking and starting to talk about it, I think this is something you could do. Again, once you have this debt paid off, you all looking to do it. But I don't want you to do it, and I'm not giving you my approval just because family's coming to visit. I'm looking at your overall financial picture going, you know what? You could do this. Now, you and your husband are going to have to talk. You guys are going to have to get on the same page to look at what this looks like. And

here's the reality. He's still stinging about this student loan debt. He's got to put that down and move on. That's right. He's still stinging. He's still hurt. He's embarrassed. He feels like he pulled the family down and set you back. So now what you all have to do is talk and clear the air, be open and real about what it is you're doing, and I want you to make two-year decisions. You make a decision today that you look back on in two years, and you're glad you made it. And I think you all doing that, bearing the hatchet, being open and honest, you can get this house and you can pay that bad boy off.

This is The Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. All right, everyone, you are back listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, and co-hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. We're having a blast taking your calls, wanting you all to reach out and let us know what's on your mind. You know, in the midst of all of this pandemic and all the things that are going on, financial questions are real, but so are questions about life. And what I don't want you to do is to feel isolated. And it's real easy to isolate ourselves, especially us men who won't reach out and talk about the things that are on your brain and on your heart.

And so I want to encourage you to break down that barrier. Take that step. Reach out. Have a conversation with someone about the things that are on your mind. Life happens, but you don't have to do life alone. So we're taking your calls, and we want to hear from you. That number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. Again,

that's 888-825-5225. Kelly's standing by and would love to be able to hear you. So, all right, we're getting to the phone lines. We've got Tonya on the line. Hello, this is Chris. Hi, how's it going? Oh, we're doing fantastic. How can we help you today so i'm in a bit of a dilemma so i just got a divorce and um my ex-husband has a truck that we're both on in a decree we made it to where he is 100 responsible for the vehicle and i know there's no way for me to get out from under it unless he refinances well the problem is he wants to repossess the truck back to the bank.

Uh-oh. So, yeah, that's going to kind of screw me on everything else. And earlier when we first separated, he had mentioned filing for bankruptcy. Mm-hmm. So do you have the... I guess I'm just... Okay, you have the divorce decree that says he's responsible for the truck, correct? Yes.

Okay, so what I want you to do is to take that, and I want you to go reach out to wherever it was financed at. Get on the phone with them. Provide them a copy of that so they can make the notation on the account. Okay? So I know you're... I did that earlier today. I actually did. I called that bank earlier today, and I told them, and the girl told me that basically they can still come after me if anything,

if she doesn't make any payments or whatever. And you want to thank her for her customer service standard response. Now what we're going to do is ramp this bad boy up, okay? I'm a former banker, so we're not going to make a phone call. We're probably going to the bank to sit down with the branch manager. Okay. Okay. And if that doesn't get through, then you're going to get to the district manager or the regional vice president. The deal is, is a on the loan in itself, you guys are both on it, but helping them to understand the liability side through the divorce, a legal process.

He is responsible for this loan. So they can note it and they can actually even put it to where it doesn't report negatively to you. All right. And so to prevent you from having to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of your ex who knows you're on there. This is a way to get to you to get you upset. I want you to remove your emotional buttons.

I wouldn't communicate about the truck to him whatsoever. All I'm going to do is save my energy. I'm going to communicate with the bank. I'm going to send them a certified letter with delivery confirmation. Once you have this conversation, I'm going to take notes as I'm talking about it, the name of the person I'm talking about, and then I want you to follow up on it to see what happens. Okay.

Okay? And it's irritating. I'm telling you. But in this situation, unfortunately, and if were there credit cards you all had jointly together as well? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there is two. So there's two credit cards that we have together.

Who was responsible for those debts based on the divorce decree? I've been listening to Dave Ramsey. Yeah, so I've been listening to Dave Ramsey for over a year, and so I've been trying to, you know, I've been working on the baby steps, and every time I would move on to baby step number two and start paying down a credit card, he would just max it back out again. Yeah. How much is owed in credit card debt?

On my side or his side? Total, right now, in total. I honestly couldn't even tell you. He had so many credit cards. He kept me in the dark about all the financial stuff. Right. And so I'm just now having to learn everything myself. And that's why it's getting frustrating because I've been dealing with the banks.

I've been dealing with X, Y, and Z phone calls trying to figure out all this financial information that I was kept in dark about. Well, and listen to me. It's going to be a part-time job for you. You need to pull your credit report. You need a tri-merge. Out of the credit repositories out there, there are three of them. There's Experian, TransUnion, as well as Equifax. You need to pull a tri-merge copy of your credit report so you can

see exactly what's on there and what's owed. And based on the divorce decree, who's responsible for what inside of those debts? That's going to be important. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to get you connected. Kelly's going to get your information. We're going to get you connected with one of our financial coaches.

And I train them in walking through situations like this. So they'll be able to sit with you and help you navigate this. It's irritating and frustrating, but it's going to be a necessity that you make this a priority. And remember what I said about these emotional buttons. Based on the divorce decree, whoever's responsible for what, that's what has to happen. But I think in this situation, Tonya, for you to realize right now is irritating and frustrating, but you're going to get through this. And you're going to be able to move forward now faster through these baby steps because you don't have that anchor around you, the person that's trying to go in

reverse when you're trying to go forward. You get a chance to pursue your dreams on your terms. So I want to encourage, and Dr. D, I want you to speak to this, we a chance to pursue your dreams on your terms. So I want to encourage, and Dr. D, I want you to speak to this. We've got to let go of the victim thinking. Okay. What's done in the past is in the past. I tell people the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield, baby. And you can glance back in that rear view mirror, but I want you to focus forward because what's ahead of you is better than what's behind you. I, as a general rule of life, talk too much, but that's the best answer I've ever heard. So I'm not even going to say anything, Christopher.

That was part banker, part marriage and family therapist, part attorney. Well. All of it. Well, thank you. You are not normally so concise and wise in one quick moment. But you're exactly right. The thing that you said that she needs to hear is in that short phone call, she mentioned things that her ex did several times.

Yeah. That's got to stop because she can't carry that stuff. It is what it is, and now she can decide to move forward. And it sucks, man. It's heavy, and it's annoying, and she's going to pull that credit report, dude, and that's going to be devastating. She sees all that nonsense out there. Yeah, she really is.

We know it is. You're right. It's going to be awful. And then she's going to get with a coach. She's going to be devastating she sees all that nonsense on there right we know it is it's gonna be awful and then she's gonna get with a with a coach she's gonna get a game plan and then she's gonna go forward let all that nonsense go and i know that sounds trite and easy but um christopher you keep working at this you're gonna get this radio thing you're gonna get it down my friend well i got the face of radio so i think i'm gonna be all right but but no you're right i like what you said about put it down. Put it down. And that's amazing, because each day, we decide what we're going to pick up. And how much crap do I wake up every morning?

I just start picking it up. Just start grabbing it. Before I even get out of bed. That's exactly right. Do you ever watch the movie Frozen? Oh, yeah. I got a four-year-old daughter. I've seen it about 8,000 times.

My youngest son, I saw it so many times, and the song Let It Go, and I'll never forget. I was watching it the 72nd time. I watched it so much, I was humming it one day. Oh day oh man one of my buddies who played football in alabama he goes dude are you humming frozen without blinking i said dude did you recognize that right first and foremost but but here was the deal these disney movies have adult themes let it go and there's so much that i feel like we hold on to. Regret, bad mistakes, the thing you didn't do in 98 or whatever, X, Y, and Z, that we get to make a decision to let some of that stuff go. To put it down. Put it down and grab the things that matter for you.

Put it down. If we would open our eyes every morning and just give a quick prayer that we're on the wake-up list again, right? Do a quick run through of the things we're on the wake-up list again right do a quick run through the things we're grateful for and then before our feet touch the floor if we just thought what stuff i'm not going to carry today i'm not going to carry the fact that you know i did this in high school that me and my wife had a fight two weeks ago that i didn't talk to my son in a way that i thought i should have talked to him last night i'm gonna get up today i'm gonna be whole i'm gonna go get today let it go i like that speaking of letting it go I want you to let go of the fear you have about talking to someone about your financial future.

You have fear. You think they're going to judge me on what I didn't do or I should have done more. I'm hesitant. I want you to get real for a minute. A lot of you are close to baby step four and you're freaking out because you know the 15% you need isn't there. Or maybe you haven't done enough, it's okay to have questions. I just want you to start investing. The trick is to work with an investment professional like a SmartVestor Pro.

They can answer all your questions in plain English, not some industry jargon where you feel like they're talking at you instead of to you. Because when it comes to investing, you need to know where you're investing and what you're investing in, and the SmartVestor Pro can help you. Go to DaveRamsey.com slash SmartFestor and start building wealth today. Listen, this hour is in the books, and we want to thank producer Zach Bennett standing in. We want to thank Kelly Daniel.

I want to thank all of you, America, for tuning in to the show. It's Dr. D. You did a great job today. And you too, Chris Hogan. It's fun hanging out with you. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show.

This episode is over, but if you've heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes or head to DaveRamsey.com. Thanks for listening.