The Ramsey Show - App - RANT: Buying Cryptocurrency With a Credit Card Is STUPID! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

Debt, Career, Investing, Retirement, Home Selling, Home Buying As heard on this episode: Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

I'm Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm George Campbell, Ramsey Personality, and host of the Fine Friends and Entree Leadership Podcast. And I'm joined today by my co-host, Dr. John Deloney, fellow Ramsey Personality, best-selling author, and huge fan of the band Poison. Here's a fun fact for you. Huge. Huge. So we're going to go to the phones this hour. It's a free call, 888-825-5225. Call us up. We'll talk life, money, relationships, mental health, whatever's on your mind. Zach joins us in Huntington, West Virginia. Zach, welcome to

The Ramsey Show. Hello. Hey. What's up? How can we help? Yeah, I was just calling because me and my wife are kind of at a crossroads. We didn't want to make it so that she could stay home with our son. We determined that's financially like impossible. We couldn't afford it, but we were wondering if it would be a wise thing to do to go part-time and be in debt for like 10 years or at the track we're on right now,

we can pay it off in two years if she works full time. And if I work full time, um, uh, we were wanting to do that, get out of debt so we could stay. So she could stay home with my son. And,

uh, we really want to get involved in some, uh, ministry in some more economically depressed places in some rural areas. So, but we, we need to be more financially stable to do that. So I was just wondering what you guys thought about that. Yeah, man.

I mean, that's a pretty wide gap, an eight-year swing there. One of y'all wants to stay home and one of you wants to work. Do both of y'all want her to stay home and one of you wants to to work what do both y'all want her to stay home we would i would like her to stay home and she would like to stay home too but how much debt do you guys have eighty thousand dollars and what's your income um our income with her involved is one hundred thousand she makes seventy thousand she's an engineer and i'm a teacher and I make about $35,000. Okay. And you're saying if you guys stayed the course, both kept working, you could pay this

thing off in two years? Yeah. And if she decided to stay home and you guys lost the majority of the income, it would take 10 years? Yeah. Absolutely no brainer. Y'all suck it up for two years, work like crazy. You be a teacher, and then you deliver pizzas at night, and then you wait tables on the weekends, and you get that 30 up to 45, and you hustle and grind and get this thing done. And once you owe nobody anything, and you've got some safety net,

that's why I want you to hustle, because I want you to go over this. I want you to get an emergency fund, and then you're going to be able to breathe. You're to find some things out about yourself about your marriage and then um let this be the the jet fuel for the next 18 to 24 months get this stuff knocked out and then y'all can make some decisions about what you want to do but y'all dug yourselves a big hole man y'all got to get this thing done you don't want this hanging around for 10 years it's going to haunt you. Are you guys doing a monthly budget right now?

Yeah, we started it up again. We had kind of fallen off the train, but we're back to it. So, yeah, we've been doing that again, and we're trying to get a hold of our finances. Zach, can I ask you a hard question? Yeah. And I need you a hard question? Yeah. And I need you to know my background. My mom's a teacher.

My wife's a teacher. My dad's a teacher. I've been a teacher. That's my whole family, okay? You're not going to find somebody else on the radio that's got more respect for teachers than I do. You have a set of goals for your family. You have a picture of what you want your family to look like.

Your wife does too. And that includes her staying at home, raising kids and not being in the workforce. Can you see that picture through at $30,000 a year? Debt free in West Virginia. I know people that do it. I'm not, I don't care about other people.

I'm asking you. Can you raise your family on $30,000 a year? Probably not $30,000 easily, no. I'm going to get my master's so that I can raise it up to closer to $50,000. Okay. That's what I was going to ask you. Is this the season when you all have a conversation about, I know what I want to do and I's what I was going to ask you. Is this the season when y'all have a conversation about I know what I want to do

and I know what I'm good at. Is there something inside this system? Like, so you're a teacher. Is there something like being an assistant principal? Is there something about going into the admin side or the dark side, right? Or if I get a graduate degree

and does that help me here? Can I adjunct classes? Whatever that looks like for you. But how do you make enough money to see your family picture become a reality? Oh, yeah, a master's degree is what I need to do. Okay, now, if you're going to do that, you've got to cash flow it. Don't do all this crazy work and get out of debt and then turn around and get right back into it, right? Well, I have a scholarship to

Liberty University right now. For your master's, the whole thing? Yeah. It's to the West Virginia Baptist Convention. Get it done. Get it done. Get it done. Yes. If you can put the grind in for the next two years and raise your salary $15,000, $20,000,

do it, do it, do it. Thanks for the call, Zach. Alright, let's go to Dan in San Francisco. Dan, we're running up against the clock here. Let's get right to your question. All right, real quick for you guys. I am, my wife and I are debt-free now after finally getting serious with everything, and I've got a question about baby four, five, and six, the baby steps there. I'm a police officer out here in California. So I have a defined

benefit pension that is based on my years of service. And it is not funded by my employer, but I pay 13% out of my paycheck to fund this pension. So I was just looking for some clarification on how much of that percentage do I apply to the 15% of Baby Step 4 because I got three kids coming up on college that I haven't started much for college savings and I'd like to put as much to Baby Step 5 as possible. Sure. So this is a mandatory contribution from your own paycheck at 13%. That's correct. Into a retirement vehicle that you don't get to control?

Correct. Are you in a union? Yeah. Okay. Man. It's like a state pension that is, so it's all based on my years of service. The only option that I get when I retire

is there's like no lump sum option. I can just pick how much of my pension I want my wife to get should I die first. It can be a defined benefit for her going forward as well. So let me get this right. I guess in theory, but let me make sure I've got this right. A government agency or a union agency is telling you where you have to take your money and what amount of money you have to take and put it in their vehicle, and then they're going to tell you at the end of it

how you get to use it. Yes. How lovely. How lovely. Without using it. Yeah, welcome to California. Well, here's the thing, Dan. Exactly. We're going to count that at about half.

And so instead of 13%, look at it like 6.5%, which means you need to put in another 8.5% of your own money to get to that baby step for 15% because of what John talked about. It performs poorly. You don't have control over it. So I don't want to count that in its full amount. So that's what we do. We count it at half. You put in another 8.5.

That will get you to 15. And we hope that, fingers crossed, it all works out. This is The Ramsey Show. Most people know me as the guy who did stupid with a lot of zeros on the end. I made my first million dollars in my 20s the wrong way and then went bankrupt. That's when I set out to learn God's ways of handling money and I developed the Ramsey Baby Steps. By following these steps, I became a millionaire again and this time the right way. After three decades of guiding millions of others through the plan, the evidence is undeniable. If you follow the Baby Steps, you will become a millionaire and get to live and give like no one else. And now I'm excited to share with you that I've written

a new book called Baby Steps Millionaires, and it's available for pre-order right now. You'll learn how ordinary people built extraordinary wealth and how you can too. I'll walk you through how to invest, build wealth, and bust through the barriers preventing you from becoming a millionaire. For those who are ready, it's game on. You can baby step your way to becoming a millionaire. Pre-order your copy today at RamseySolutions.com. Guys, it's almost time for Christmas, 22 days away. And for some of you, when you hear that word, you just think of stress. How you're going to pay for presents, the bigger grocery bills, and all the other stuff.

But it doesn't have to be that way. When you have a plan for your money, you'll have confidence even when everything else seems out of control. And that plan is Financial Peace University. You'll learn step-by-step how to get out of debt, save money, and build wealth. In fact, the average household saves $2,700 and pays off $5,300 in debt in just the first 90 days. And right now, FPU is only available in a Ramsey Plus membership. You don't have to live with a stressed out Christmas year after year. Make 2022

the year you finally start winning with money. Get started today or you can give FPU as a gift by visiting RamseySolutions.com slash FPU. That's RamseySolutions.com slash FPU. I'm George Camel, joined today by Dr. John Deloney, and you are listening to The Ramsey Show. Open phones this hour, 888-825-5225. Give us a call, and we will be happy to talk about what's on your mind. Jason joins us in Tallahassee, Florida. Jason, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, George and Dr. John. Thanks for taking my call.

Absolutely. How can we help? Okay. So my wife and I have 13 years. We had three houses together. We each had one before we met and we bought one together. We just sold the one that we bought together and we made a handsome profit. And I'm kind of wondering what to do with that cash. And here's kind of the conundrum. My house is paid for. Her house is not.

And her ex-husband is responsible for paying her note by their divorce agreement. So she wants to just keep all this money in savings, and I'm thinking there's got to be something better we can do with it. How long have you'all been married? 13 years. 13 years. I don't hear a lot of couples who've been married 13 years still referring to her house and my house.

Tell me how that works. I mean, we've never, we've never consolidated. I owned my house outright before we met and she was supposed to own her house outright when she got divorced. And we've just left them in each of our names. I actually live at her house. I rent my house out. And all of our bank accounts are joint. The only thing that's not joint is the titles on these houses.

Would it change your psychology in your home accounts are joint. The only thing that's not joint is the titles on these houses. Would it change your psychology in your home if you referred to these homes as y'all's homes and suddenly you've got another guy? You know what I mean? We do. And I actually suggested that we just pay hers off. I mean, we've got, you know, 200K sitting in the bank right now. Is her ex-husband still living in it? Yeah, I'm living in it. So is she. No, no, no. Is her ex-husband still living in it?

Oh, no. He's got his own place. But he's paying the mortgage as part of the divorce agreement? Yeah, she was supposed to get the house outright, and he's not on the day's plan of paying it off in any big hurry. And you guys are living there. And she wants to... We're living there.

She wants to let him keep paying it as long as he will, but he's sort of running a failing business. Dude, sell the house and get out of that mess. This feels like a weird situation. The ex-husband is paying for where you're living. Yeah, and the house is in her name. Sell it. Sell it. The house is in her name, it sell it in her name sell it but there's still a note on it sell it get out of the mess get her ex-husband stop paying your rent get out of it

yeah i mean like you got to change your like your house and my house and then our house bro you've got three houses y'all are married for for 13 years. Your family has three houses. Start using that language. And then... Well, two at this point. Okay, two. Yeah, there you go. You just sold one.

So I am not going to live in a house... I could get her husband out of it. I could get her husband out of it by just paying it off. And her take on it is that lets him off the hook for what she is owed. And she's playing a 13-year game of vengeance and all she's doing is killing herself slowly.

I don't care what you've got to do, man. Get that guy out of your life. You've got to pay the house off, sell the house and move into the other house. Sell that house and take all that cash and buy y'all a house together that's new for whatever you've got to do, man. Get that guy out of your life.

What's left on the mortgage? I'm with you on that. Go ahead. What's left on the mortgage? $108,000. And you have $200,000 in the bank. Correct. Which means if you paid it off today, you'd have $92,000.

Does that include your emergency fund and everything? No, I've still got an extra emergency fund over that. I'm fully invested in my traditional IRA. I don't have a Roth. I need to do that. Well, what I would do, like John's saying, if you pay that thing off, you've got $92,000 sitting in the bank that you can do anything with, and you have a paid-for house, you don't have a payment in the world, then you can decide, hey, do we want to get into more real estate? Do we want to be in the real estate business and get some more properties? What do we want to do with this money? And you could max out your retirement accounts. Have you ever had cancer? No. Okay. You do. You have a cancer.

And you can solve that cancer with $100,000. If I'm you, in your financial situation, I would do that for the days over. And that man's name would be Voldemort in my home, and we would just be done saying it. Jason, what happens if he can't pay the mortgage? You said he has a failing business. Let's say he can't make the payment. Doesn't that put you guys at

risk? That's the point. We have enough cash to, but she wants it to just sit in a savings account just in case he can't pay it. She wants to punish him. Get him out of your lives. Let him go. Let him go.

Be free. Let him go. Hey, you know what? He drug it out for 13 years. He won. Golf clap. Congratulations, man. You beat the system.

High five. Way to go. We're rich. We got lots of money. We're baby steps millionaires, and I'm cutting my wife's ex-husband out of our life forever. I'm going to live in my house that doesn't even have a note on it.

And my wife's ex-husband's no longer going to pay my mortgage. That's the move. Thanks for the call, Jason. Cut the cancer out. Interesting situation. Alright, Sean joins us next in Atlanta, Georgia. Sean, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey. Good to be here. How can we help?

How are you doing? I'm just kind of confused about what I need to be doing with my finances in the next couple months. I'm actually joining the Marine Corps and shipping out in January. Congratulations, brother. Thanks for your service. Oh, no, thank you. It's an honor. I just kind of am curious about what your opinion is on what I should do with my savings

that I've kind of just held in a bank account for a while. Okay, how much savings are we talking? Between $6,000 and $8,000. Okay, and is that all the money to your name? No,000. Okay, and is that all the money to your name? No, sir. I do have a little bit in stocks and stuff like that. Just like single stocks? Yes, sir.

Okay. And how old are you? 21. 21. And you don't have any debt? No, sir. Have you saved up an emergency fund? Yes, I have.

So that's outside of the $6,000 to $8,000? Yes, sir. Okay. Dang, man. Way to go, dude. 21 years old. You're doing better than most of America. Yeah.

So way to go. And you're wondering, what do I do with the $6,000 to $8,000 while I'm in the military so that it can grow for me? Yes, sir. How much do you have in the single stocks and all that? About $3,000 to $4,000. Okay. Well, the single stocks worry me a little bit because of the volatility and the risk there.

I would rather have you in some good growth stock mutual funds that are diversified with hundreds of stocks. And so if I'm you, before I join the military, I'm going to cash those stocks out, and I'm going to park it with my savings. And if it's going to be, how long are you going to be in the military for? Five-year term as of right now. Okay. Well, with that kind of time horizon, you can put your money in the market, but I would not do it in single stocks. I would park it in some good growth stock mutual funds diversified across four types. That's what I personally do. And you can work with a smart investor pro to do that at RamseySolutions.com. Get connected with one in your area, in the Atlanta area before you head

out. And that way you'll have, what, almost $12,000 that can be growing for you over five years and some great mutual funds. And you might have a rate of return of 9%, 10%, 11%, 12% while you're gone and you come back to a big pile of money. How's that sound? All right. Sounds great to me. Thank you. And when you get out, give yourself a month before you go buy a big Jeep, my brother.

All my buddies get out of the military and go get a big Jeep. Just wait. Make sure you got the cash. Dude, 21 years old. You got your whole life ahead of you. This guy's crushing it. Way to go. Thanks for your sacrifice.

This is The Ramsey Show We'll see you next time. You're listening to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Camel, Ramsey personality, host of the Fine Print and Entree Leadership Podcast, joined today by my co-host, Dr. John Deloney. You know, John, we get a lot of questions lately about cryptocurrency. Yeah, it's cool, man. It's all the rage. And we actually dove deep into this on the Fine Print podcast with a 30-minute episode called Could Bitcoin Be Your Ticket to Wealth? And it was fascinating as we dug into it.

And my takeaway in the podcast is this. I'm not mad at cryptocurrency or Bitcoin. I'm not against it. No, man. I think it's all valid. But there's a time and place you should be dabbling in it. there's a right way to do it so you don't screw up your financial future and uh this article that i came across is fascinating it's from wtop local news in washington dc and here's the headline that grabbed me can you buy cryptocurrency with a credit card? Oh, hooray. The answer, spoiler alert, is yes. Yes.

And this is what one of the financial professionals here that's interviewed, Steve Larson, he's a co-founder of PlannerDAO, cryptocurrency education community for financial planners. He actually teaches classes on this stuff. And they said much of the chagrin of some financial professionals. And here's what he said. If you wouldn't buy shares of Apple stock on your credit card, you shouldn't be putting Bitcoin on your card either. Yet many people do so every day. And so the article goes on to talk about how, depending on your card issuer and the cryptocurrency exchange platform,

you can, in fact, use a credit card, go into debt to buy cryptocurrency. This is frightening times we live in, John. Wow. You can't just buy single stocks on a credit card, go into debt to buy cryptocurrency. This is frightening times we live in, John. Wow. You can't just buy single stocks on a credit card. You can use imaginary money to buy imaginary pieces of imaginary money. My mind just exploded. Is that incredible or what? Incredible in a bad way.

This is frightening. Wow. And here's what it turns out to be. There are so many fees involved with this process. CoinMama is one of the exchange platforms where you can do this. You can use your credit card to buy it. And they charge a transaction fee based on the market rate, which can fluctuate, plus 2%. They also have a commission of up to 3.9% and an additional 5% fee if you choose to buy with a credit card.

So let's say you want to buy $1,000 worth of crypto, where you're going to pay $109 in fees alone. Yeah. Only to possibly lose it all anyways. So here's what it feels like to me. If I'm the average person at home, I'm hearing about crypto, I'm hearing about it, I'm hearing about it. I'm looking at some of the world's wealthiest men and women saying, dude, you got to get in on this, get in on this. I've created my own. I've created my own. I got my own platform. My platform's got a feed. Does your platform have a feed?

Will my platform talk to your... I'm just feeling like I'm getting behind. Like everybody's got a smartphone except for me. Everybody's got a car with gas, and I'm still on my horse, right? And so they're making it easier and easier and easier for us, and we're feeling like we're missing more and more out on things. I love going back to, man, nobody's hating on crypto.

Going back to, if you're trying to buy crypto as a hedge against a monetary policy, that's when you're bonkers. That's a whole other phone call. But if you wouldn't buy stock, if you wouldn't go invest in your friend's company on a credit card, like if you wouldn't make that kind of nonsensical move, don't buy imaginary money using imaginary money. Well said. On top of that, this is fascinating too, the card issuer, so the credit card company,

on top of all those fees I mentioned, they treat this as a cash advance. And so that comes with much higher interest rates and a 5% cash advance fee. And so they go on to talk about the pros and cons. And hilariously, this is one of the pros they mentioned. You can invest without having the cash on hand. That's not real. That is a recipe for a financial disaster. That's gambling on a credit card. If you wouldn't go to Vegas on it, well, people go to Vegas on credit cards all the time. So I don't hate Vegas. Well, at least Vegas is entertaining.

There you go. But they also mentioned this is a pro. You can potentially earn rewards on your investment. You can get credit card rewards, John. I can buy crypto and get miles. Dude. This is genius. We're hacking the system.

So listen, if you feel like you are missing out and you don't have, you may be. You may be. But if you don't have, you may be. You may be. But if you don't have money, you can't afford it. John, that hurt my feelings. I know it does, and you only have three of them left. I only have so many left, John. That's right.

Don't buy something you have no money to buy it. They do close in a way that makes me happy here. They talk about this. Crypto is already a volatile investment, and by purchasing it with credit, as in money you don't actually have, it's a sign you can't really afford to lose that money. This is from the news? They're actually saying this.

Way to go, news! If your crypto investment loses value, it compounds those losses, and it ends with this great quote from Steve, who they interviewed. I have found most people who purchase crypto on credit aren't focused on building a portfolio. They're trying to reduce their exposure to their least favorite asset class, FOMO. That's a mic drop from Steve Larson. Way to go, Steve.

Don't let fear of missing out plunge you into debt. Don't do this. I'm not mad at crypto. If you want to do it, and here's what we tell people, John, get out of debt, have a fully funded emergency fund, be investing 15% into retirement. That means 401ks, IRAs, things rooted in reality. And then if you've got some fun money that you want to spend, you want to take a hundred bucks and buy some Doge or Ethereum or Bitcoin, or you want to take a thousand bucks and that's money you're willing to lose. As in, if you set that on the table and lit it on fire, you wouldn't be too sad. You go, well, we had fun. That's like

Vegas, right? You'd bring 200 bucks to Vegas, you play some slots, you go home. But it's when people get in over their heads and it becomes obsessive. I mean, this is a hobby. This is more expensive than golfing. Yeah, you get over leveraged and it gets frightening. Yeah. So do it the right way. Don't have the FOMO. Have what I like to call JOMO, the joy of missing out. I love not investing in crypto. How long did it take you to come up with JOMO? A few years. It was a work in progress. That's not great.

It's not great. You're really a talented guy. I'm 0 for 2 today, John. That wasn't great. I thought we were having a good time, but it turns out... We were having a great time until you JOMO'd the whole segment.

All right. Well, that's crypto for you, folks. Open phones this hour, 888-825-5225. We're happy to take your calls on life, money, relationships, whatever you want to talk about. Ethan joins us from the great state of Texas. Ethan, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Thanks for having me, guys.

I'm really excited to talk to you guys. Yeah. So really quick, the question I have is, should I be looking to pick up a side gig or a side hustle in the next few months? A little bit of background. My wife and I are expecting our first in January. Congrats! Way to go! Yeah.

So it's going to be a little boy. We're excited. The other thing is my wife is stopping work for the baby, obviously. And she's also transitioning her career right now into real estate. So probably Q1, Q2 of next transitioning her career right now into real estate. So probably Q1, Q2 of next year, she'll start in real estate. And yeah, and the other thing is we're on baby step three and we need about 15,000 and we only have about 2000 right now. And I'm going to be on parental leave for about 12 weeks once the baby's here. So what do you guys think? Uh, man, have you sat down and talked

to your wife about this? Yeah, we've talked about it. She's open to the idea, but, um, I guess doesn't want to detract too much from like the attention we're going to need to have here at home. Um, so it's, it's kind of on the fence where we're both on the fence a little bit. I usually recommend to folks who are about to have their first kid and the house isn't on fire and your house is not on fire. You do want to get out of debt. You're working a plan. Uh, you are out of debt.

I'm sorry. You want to build an emergency fund, right? Yep. Yeah. So things, things are urgent, but they're not on fire. Um, man, you think, you know, what's about to happen. You got no idea on, and not a bad way, in 20 different ways. You think you know what not being tired is?

You got no idea. You think you know what love is? You got no idea. You think you know what frustration is? Dude, you know what I'm saying? So you think you love your wife now? It's just an amazing process. And so I think, man, having the conversation,

having the ideas, setting up the plan do you have a side hustle in mind uh not necessarily uh they're hiring like crazy everywhere to even just like deliver pizzas yep um we're doing door dash right now for fun that's like 15 an hour after like gas and stuff absolutely can you pick up some holiday work before baby gets here yeah i certainly could i guess like uh putting up lights and stuff like that for people well stuff. Absolutely. Could you pick up some holiday work before baby gets here? Yeah, I certainly could. I guess like putting up lights and stuff like that for people. Well, even just seasonal work at retailers. I mean, people are paying big money right now just to get you to get through Christmas. So if I'm you, I'm doing everything I can right now to hustle before the baby's here. I'm working my tail off for the next month and a half.

And save up. Right now you're in stork mode. So we're not trying to build this up. We're going to put this aside, make sure baby's safe, mom's safe. And then we can go, all right, this has now become our emergency fund and not the baby fund. But way to go, man. We're happy for you. Good luck getting that emergency fund in place. You got this. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Our scripture of the day comes from Luke 11, 13. If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him? Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, Give what you have.

To someone, it may be better than you dare to think. Lisa joins us in Roanoke, Virginia. Lisa, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Thank you. Hey, gentlemen. How can we help today? So, I am one of five siblings. Our oldest brother passed away in late October from COVID.

I'm so sorry. Sorry to hear that. Thank you. So we are, we're sad, we're emotional. We are very angry at a situation that happened during his hospitalization with his girlfriend. And I'm the executor of the will and i have the full support of my siblings and our spouses but i just want um to make sure that because we're so emotional that we have healthy boundaries and that we're not acting out of revenge and yet are being good stewards. We want to have biblical principles, but it's all a bit confusing right now. So my brother and his girlfriend had dated about nine years.

About two years ago, she moved into his home, but they never combined finances, and he is the only name on the deed to the house and on the mortgage, and she is not mentioned in his will. They have had a rocky relationship for the whole nine years. They just fought like teenagers, had horrible boundaries. They would not speak for days. One of them would leave and go stay with somebody else. They tracked each other on their phones. Just things that the rest of our siblings were concerned about. We mentioned it. My brother-in-law liked the relationship. And honestly, they never brought many of their problems to our family gatherings. And we loved them both.

We actually enjoyed being with them. There were lots of good times, but we knew the relationship was not one that any of the rest of us would have wanted. Sure. Um, the girlfriend got angry over, um, some of my female friends texting encouragement to him. Um, she said some really ugly things. She got mad over a niece taking clothes to my brother instead of her daughter. Um, just childish squabbles. She said horrible things to him, did some horrible things with their security cameras,

wouldn't let him have access to electronics. She was monitoring his social media to the point where he wanted to end the relationship. He was sobbing to our husbands, our children, some of his friends. And individually and collectively, my siblings and I had decided that we didn't want her to be a part of our family gatherings if we were hoping at the time that he would recover. And we were, we knew from the history that there was a good chance he would forgive her and we needed to have a tough conversation with him about our new boundaries. But he didn't recover. And on the day he passed, he asked to see several of us and her, and he told us that he had forgiven her and it didn't matter why she'd done what she did

but we still don't want to have anything to do with her and i she doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with us sure but we have to deal with her because there's a house she's still living in the home sure um so i don't want to be mean, but I want to do the right thing. Sure. So number one, I'm heartbroken for your loss. I can tell that's heavy on you and your family, and what a mess. What an unexpected mess. Thank you. I'm going to say something that I hope isn't controversial.

I don't mean for it to be. I've just walked alongside people in this situation. Grief and watching a loved one slowly slip away makes people do things they wouldn't normally do. Makes them say things they wouldn't normally say. Makes them react in ways that is just out of character. Um, and so I, I tend to be real forgiving in those situations because for you, she's girlfriend, she's basically been his wife for 10 years and their relationship was way different than yours, but it's the one your brother chose over and over and over again. And so what I think is hard to not do is to go back and retroactively judge his relationship and then determine what you think the right thing to do is based on your interpretation of his relationship. At the end of the day, he chose this quasi-marriage, even though they weren't married, but they acted like it. They played it for a decade.

They did. So I think if I'm you, I'm not going to carry the stuff that happened in the hospital. I'm going to let it go because it's going to impact my grief and my memories of my brother, and I'm not going to give that power to her. Yeah. Okay? I'm not going to give her that power. Then I'm going to say, what would my brother want me to do with the estate? What would be the best way to honor what my brother told me, even on his deathbed? What's the best way I can honor my

brother with his, as a steward of his, of his finances. And that's a hard, hard thing. What did he leave you guys? Probably nothing financially. Okay. Ironically, three of us are everyday, well, three of us are debt-free, including the mortgage, and the two older of us are everyday millionaires. One of us is not quite out of a mortgage but we're all stable and his finances were totally opposite so we we expect that the house is fully mortgaged and there was a car payment and some medical debt but we don't have that information um and the girlfriend has not wanted to provide it yet so if is the will

going to probate it will have to yes so y'all go to probate but it's in route y'all will work all that through here's what i would recommend because i'm gonna i'm gonna say something it's hard okay y'all are this isn't about money. This is about, this is about anger. And this is about hurt. And I can't tell you what a blessing is to talk to you because you know that you are grieving hard and you want to do the right thing. Not through the, not through a lens of grief, but through a lens of compassion and what my brother want. And that's such an honorable thing for you. It's raining on you and you're still walking towards a path of integrity. It's what an honor, okay?

I would sit down because this isn't about money. This is about, y'all don't like her and she really screwed up in the hospital and she made the last few weeks of your brother's life hell for y'all. And you'll have to live with that.

The question you'll have to ask yourself is is it worth taking her home away the home that they shared for a decade or for two years or five years away is and there's no money to be exchanged here right it's not like you're you're not having a million dollars i'm trying to discuss here it's a matter of saying i don't i don't even think we can keep the home well but is there there's probably a common law uh situation here where she's going to have a claim to it and if she can make the paint you know i mean there i'm sure that will pop up in our state oh not your state okay wow okay yeah wow okay can i ask you let me ask you this. What do you think the right thing to do is? As hard as it might be, what's the right thing to do?

Well, what I think we would have done if the last two weeks hadn't happened is we would be grieving together with her, her included, and we would be helping her make a plan to move in four or five months when the will's out of probate and we know what the financial situation is. So here's going to be my recommendation. My recommendation is you reach out to her and you say that. Say the last two weeks were a mess and were heartbroken. We're willing to walk alongside you if you want us. And she can say no, and then you can dust your hands off and you move to the next town. But that's what I would do.

Beautifully said, John. Sorry for your loss, Lisa. So sorry for your loss. Sorry for what you're going through. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. Thank you so much to my co-host, Dr. John Deloney, our producer, James Childs, board engineer, Ben Hill, and our phone screener, Austin Selby. We'll be back with you. Before you know it, this is The Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit

of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.