The Ramsey Show - App - Relationships Are the Currency of Success! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out to have a conversation about life. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. We are Ramsey personalities, and we each host shows on the Ramsey Network. And so we are here with you this hour to take your calls. 888-825-5225.

It is a free call. 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney will take calls on your mental, emotional health, relationships. We'll talk about ugly work stuff because that's what I talk about. And we'll take your career questions, your work questions. Hey, Ken, I'm on the ladder. I want to get up the ladder. I want to get promoted.

I need to get started in something else. Whatever it is. And, of course, we're going to take your money questions. John and I love to be together. Doc, always good to be on the big show with you. Dude, man, it's good to see you. I haven't seen you for about 12 hours, I guess. I know.

We're fresh off a wonderful time in Dallas, Texas with Entree Leadership Summit. It's always fun, too, to be in a room. 2,500 leaders fired up to get better. And Entree throws a party. Yes, they do. So, so much fun. 888-825-5225 is the number. Let's get it started with Crystal in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Crystal, how can we help? Hi. Thanks for having me on. You bet. Well, one of the issues I have is that I've been at a company for like two years, and I'm not really getting promoted in my career. And I want to move to another city to get a better job, but my boyfriend doesn't want to move, and we want to move to another city to get a better job, but my boyfriend doesn't

want to move, and we want to get married. Now, if I stay in Las Vegas, I can't work anywhere else because as a journalist, we have these things called non-compete. So it's either I stay here and get out of journalism, or I move and kind of break up with him. Yeah, well, let's talk about you for a second. Well, let's forget about him. I'm not real thrilled with him, but we'll get to him in a moment, John. I might have Doc weigh in on this from a relationship standpoint. That's his area.

But I do want to get really clear on what your dream is in this other city and why you want to go there. I want you to just tell yourself, not just us. Why do you want to move? Forget him. Why do you want to move? Why is that important? Because I work a really tough schedule. I work like midnight to 8 a.m. Wednesday through Sunday, and I fall asleep in church, and I don't really have much of an outside life out of work. So I want to find something with a better schedule and that I can kind of move up the ladder. There you go. Why?

Why did you get into journalism? Because I feel like everyone needs to have their story told, and I wanted to be a representative for people of color in different communities and to make sure that everyone's accountable. Why? Go one level deeper. I love that answer. Tell me why that's important to you.

Because when I was growing up in New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina happened, I felt as a person of color, I was personally ignored and no one was paying attention to me. And that inspired me to pursue this career in journalism, which I tell the story of people who are at the bottom and who are being ignored in society. Wow, John. That's a why. That's a why. Hey, that's a why. That one's wired into your soul. That's from your story, Crystal.

So here's the deal. The reason I just walk you through that is because you need to have that front and center right now. John's going to walk you through the relational piece, but I wanted you to hear you share why it's so important that this this isn't a move just for a job this isn't a move to make your boyfriend uncomfortable this isn't about you and selfishness this is about your purpose this is about your why you need to make the move john i think she makes the move whether he comes or not and if they're talking marriage and he's not willing to make a move because of that, why?

I got some real problems. John, help me out. I'm the same. So, Crystal, walk us through. I'm going to call him a knucklehead, and that's my neutral, right? That's pretty gentle for you. It's right down the road, in the middle of the road for me. Tell me about this knucklehead.

What a part about your life mission is he not resonating with? Well, I mean, he's been here for a long time. This is his home city, so I definitely understand it. Everything that he knows and loves is here. Part of me doesn't want to move either. I actually like the city. It's just that I'm not really progressing here at the current company that I'm at. How long has your non-compete for? For a year. A year. Have you sat down and dreamt about, and I'm wandering back in the Ken's world here, have you dreamt about other ways to tell stories of marginalized people that would allow you to get some experience and some skills and then in 366 days you slide back into this role yeah i've thought about starting a small

small community newspaper for um and a kind of lower income area of the city here crystal how much money do you need to make? Not really that much. It's not really about the money at all. Well, I understand. I understand. It's about sleep and sanity. Sure.

You've got to pay bills, though. Yeah. We've got some realities. How much money do you need to make? You're not married, remember. So this is a boyfriend. He hadn't put a ring on it yet. How much money do you need to make?

Probably $50,000. Okay. I just want to be real honest with you. John's asking you the right question. There might be some other ways to get to where you want to get to besides moving from Vegas to this job. However, they've got to be realistic. And you starting a community newspaper, you're not going to make $50,000. You're going to lose $50,000.

Yeah, that is not a reality, and I don't want to let you think that that's a reality. I want you to go back to the question John asked you. Yeah. You didn't answer the question. You just talked about how you understood his point of view because he's always lived in Vegas, and everything he loves is in Vegas. Well, it's about ready to not be the case. And if he loves you, I want to know, John asked you a really good question.

What part of that vision that you so beautifully shared with us does he not get excited about? He just doesn't see the need for me to move. He kind of believes that I should be able to start my own thing here, whether it be like a website, TV station, newspaper, etc. I don't think he really has a grasp of journalism. He needs a grasp of two things. Number one, how media like that actually operates, how long it takes to get up and running, how much money it spends off. And oh, by the way, you have to take care of yourself.

You're not relying on boyfriend. I think this is a sit down conversation, John, where it's like, this is my vision. Now, to John's point, I don't think you have to put all the eggs in this basket of moving out of Las Vegas. However, this move to this new position moves you up the ladder. That was the word I got most excited about. What's great about ladders is as we move up, we have other options to move to different places. You could come back to Vegas, but the reality is, Crystal, you are capped. You have a lid on yourself, your words, your reality. It's a lid where you are now. And if you don't leave soon to do what you know you're supposed to do, whether it's this position, John, where she moves out of Vegas, my concern is she's going to begin to resent the boyfriend.

And I see that over and over and over where people, A, they don't have the why conversation. They don't get to why. It becomes a J-O-B. I want this title. And that's not a reason to move a seat. Never. But when you're that wired

into who you are and your mission on earth, then that's a sit-down conversation because five years from now, ten years from now, that's when the fires of resentment will burn through that relationship and it's hard to maintain

when you have a mission in life. I'm going to tell you this right now. I wouldn't marry anybody who wasn't on board with what I believe God created me to do. Sorry. Hey, don't move. More Ramsey Show coming right up. Imagine a world where people never have to worry about money ever again.

At Ramsey Solutions, our mission is to teach people how to get out of debt and build lasting wealth. And if that means we have to take on the toxic money culture that says you need debt to get ahead, then we're okay with that. We've seen millions of lives changed, and we will continue to create digital products and services to help people transform their lives. If you want to join our thousand member team on this crusade, we're currently on the hunt for software engineers with expertise in Ruby on Rails, Java, C Sharp, and front-end technologies. Or if you're a UX designer or an SEO and content marketing specialist, we'd love to talk with you. Together, we will disrupt the toxic money culture in America. Find out about all the available jobs by texting careers to 33789. Text careers to 33789 to find out about all our open opportunities. You're listening to The Ramsey Show.

I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney, as we take you through this hour, 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Of course, we're taking your questions about your life, whether that's money questions, whether that's relationships, mental, emotional health. How about your work? You want to get a bigger shovel so you can get out of debt faster well we'll talk about that as well triple eight eight two five five two two five let's go to dallas texas tony is on the line tony how can we help yeah um the question The question I have is how does a person deal with their spouse having cancer? Oh, man.

I'm sorry, Tony. Is that you? Yeah. Oh, man. Tell us about it. Diagnosed in June of last year with stage four breast cancer. Oh, man. Oh, wow.

I'm sorry, man. So walk us through the last year. Yeah. Well, she got sick, not feeling well, and she didn't like going to the doctor, which, you know, a lot of women are like that. Well, me too. I don't like going to the doctor, which, you know, a lot of women are like that. Well, me too. I don't like it either. Yeah.

Finally, she went to the doctor, and she was having some chest pains. Took her to the doctor, and they told her that she needed to see an oncologist. So we took her to the oncologist, and they said she had stage four breast cancer, and it had metastasized. Oh, my goodness. So, you know, how does a person deal with working and in my situation away from home? Yeah. And dealing with that. And I've got, you know, family issues and so forth. And how does a person deal with that?

The best way to deal with it. So if you look up 10 months later or 11 months later, what's the status of her health? Have they given her how many weeks left or months left or years left? Or is this going to be a three- to five-year thing? Doctor, she didn't say she said it was she said it was it was in several places and she said she didn't uh she said she couldn't give her didn't tell her she could have two months or two years she she said it was just she has gone through chemo and she went through the hard chemo, and she's been through the, she's on the palliative stages now, or the not so corrosive or bad stuff. Well, palliative care tells's actually said she's feeling better.

Okay. But they didn't say she hasn't. She goes to the doctor and she tells me that everything's okay. So, Tony, here's what I'm going to do if I'm you, okay? This is less clinical advice. This is just me as a guy in your neighborhood, okay? I'm going to sit down with my wife, and I want to come to that next doctor appointment.

The next time there's these six-month intervals usually, and if she's in palliative care right now, they're probably monthly, if not every other month. And I would ask to go with her not because you don't trust her but because you want to hear from the doctor so that you can understand this right yeah they've already they've they're they're giving her the the treatments every three weeks okay so i would ask well but there's treatments but then there's also scans and there's updates so treatments are just going to follow a treatment regimen that's different than here's an update.

Here's where we're at. Here's the numbers. Here's what's going on, right? I want to be, I would ask my wife, and it's her right to tell you no, but I would ask my wife, can I be in that room with you? Can I go with you, A, to support you, and B, so that I can get a status update, so I can hear where we're at. I need to be in that room.

I want to feel what's going on here. I get a sense that you think your wife isn't being totally honest with you or you don't know what's going on. There's just a miscommunication here. And sometimes people love their spouse so much that they say, I'm feeling better.

And they're not telling the truth. And not to be ugly or not to be a liar, but to protect and love. And what y'all need right now is a real dose of where are we at. So you ask, how can you handle this? There's not a way to handle this. This is the worst. I should say. It sucks.

It's the worst thing that can happen other than losing a child. And that's already happened. Okay. So you've been down this road. There's not a quote-unquote way to deal with this. You hold your wife's hand and you all walk through this together. And it's hell and it's fire and it's terrible. And you get a group of people in your life outside of your wife that you can trust and go to and cry with and say,

what am I supposed to do now? And who will show up at 2 a.m. with hamburgers and tacos and just sit with you. But trying to get a checklist of how to, now there's some basic things, right? Can people help with the yard and we have food? You know all those things. You've been down here.

But the temptation is to try to make this suck less and you really can't your wife and your best friend is real real sick my problem is is i work 500 miles away from where i live and that's where the numbers are going to be important to me if this is my wife's got three months to live, that job can take a hike because I'm going to take every second of my wife and my time left and we'll figure that other stuff out. That's what I've been thinking. If this is a

5 and 10 and 15 and hey, things are looking up, the numbers are good and it was stage 4 but we actually caught it and and and then we're going to talk to family we're going to have a whole different conversation. That's why getting a true update of where your wife's health status is. And, Ken, if I'm you, I'm looking for a job closer to home. Absolutely.

What happens if you walk today from this job financially? What happens? I have virtually no debt uh i own i own everything i have except for uh got one vehicle that's financed and but everything else is do you have health insurance i have i ever think no uh i don't um my my my my property and all of my other vehicles are paid off, but my problem is I don't have a nest egg. All right, so my point is how many days or weeks could you go without a paycheck? Probably a month. Okay, so John's right.

We've got a situation where I'd want to find out from the doctor, best case, best case, best guess, how much time your wife has. You've got to look at that and go, I'm 500 miles away. I'm not seeing her as often as I need to. I've got limited time with her. However, we also can't do anything that's going to set you behind and create financial havoc in the midst of dealing with tremendous grief. So if it's me, I'm calling everybody I know.

I mean, this is next level proximity principle. I'm going, my wife's dying. My current job is 500 miles away. I want to be with her every day. I've got to keep working. I'll do anything. I'll take a 20% pay cut, 30%, whatever you can do. But this is an extreme time that I don't think you'll regret this.

But you've got to bring in some income. So yes, John's right. I am doing everything in my power. Like my life depends on it to get a job locally to where I'm there with my wife and I'm one phone call away from being next to her. I think that is your number one priority right now so that you're around her. And then to John's point, don't do this alone. You know, John, I think that even in times of peace and calm in our lives, the most underrated question that few people use is, will you help me? Yeah. Can you give me some help? But in times like this, I find that we've seen this in our country and certainly around the world.

I think politics goes away. It doesn't matter. I think religion goes away. When there's times of crisis, I just still believe in the human spirit that they'll step up and go, gosh, we've got to come around Tony. Yeah. And it is often incumbent on Tony to say, I need some help. That's my point. The question that doesn't get asked, even in good times, is will you help me?

And more specific, here's what I need. Exactly. So, Tony, I want you to reach out to a buddy today. I want you to take a white pad, and I want you all to meet at a local coffee shop today. And I want him to walk alongside you as you map out, here's what we need. Here's a game plan for job prospects. Who do we need to call? Who's got food?

Who's going to show up at our house with pizza this weekend? And then I want you to set up some time to go meet with your wife and her doctor, and you get some real clear answers about how much time you've got left and what's next. We're praying for you, brother, and we love you. Keep us in the loop. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. Blinds.com's 100% satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure, and I have,

or pick the wrong color, I'd probably do that. They'll remake your blinds for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code Ramsey to get the best deal today's question john comes from patrick in cleveland i'd love to hear ken coleman's thoughts on the difference between nepotism and the proximity principle patrick burn yeah in both cases the end result is getting a job due to your proximity with someone who can get you that job but it seems

like nepotism has a negative connotation all All right, you can weigh in on this because you've got a lot of background on this. I actually have had this question. Oh, you have? Yeah. Well, okay, so let me first frame proximity principle, and John and I will have some fun teeing off on this one together. So the proximity principle came out of the Ken Coleman Show, which is part of the Ramsey Network, where I took enough calls where I was trying to help people realize, listen,

if you get around people that are doing what you want to do, pick the career, it doesn't matter, whatever it is, in order to do what you want to do, fill in the blank, you've got to be around people that are doing that and in places where that work is happening. So it's a very simple little principle that ended up becoming a best-selling book, but it was just advice on the radio show initially. And so the idea here is that when I'm around the right people and when I'm in the right places, John, that's where opportunities come.

I don't have to kick doors down. That's a romanticized, motivational poster kind of thing. Well, it doesn't work that much. Most of the time you kick a door down, you get arrested. You go to jail. Yeah. So the idea is let's get around people that are doing it. I'm going to be able to learn. I'm going to be able to get some experience,

and I'm going to meet more of the right people when I'm in the right places, and then I'm going to learn from the right people some other places I need to get into. So that's the proximity principle. So now we're talking nepotism. Yes. So my take on this, John, is the proximity principle and nepotism, well, they're not the same thing. And nepotism, sure, does have a negative connotation in the marketplace.

Well, you got the job because it's your daddy, or you got the job because it's your uncle and all that kind of stuff. However, it doesn't always have to be negative. And we've seen that in a lot of family-owned businesses that we at Ramsey Solutions, we, you know, Entree Leadership, our business division, I mean, overwhelmingly dealing with family-owned businesses. So I would separate those two, Patrick. Look, getting in proximity to somebody who's not your family, that's a different angle. Obviously, you have, what do you call it, natural born proximity to family, but that's

not the same thing. I mean, family's family, and if you earn it, if it to family but that's not the same thing i mean family's family and if you earn it if it's handled correctly and everybody's wearing their employee hat not relationship hat in the office then you should be able to avoid it if you're bringing it or if said person is bringing the heat yeah so a hundred percent of my jobs professional jobs since i've been out of college have been through a relationship right you got to have the skills you got credentials you got to show up and be excellent your work but it's because I had one or two or five advocates who knew me and said that guy I'll vouch for that guy that's right or I've I've worked on a challenge behind closed doors with that guy how do you keep somebody

from looking at the proximity principle and beginning to ROI human interaction. You and I both know you can smell that a mile away. When somebody comes up to Ramsey Solutions and says, my dream is to be on the radio. How did you do that? Those conversations are one of my favorite things because you dig into why people want to do what they want to do. Then suddenly when it shifts, and it does occasionally, not always, Those conversations are one of my favorite things because you dig into why people want to do what they want to do.

Then suddenly when it shifts, and it does occasionally, not always, when occasionally it shifts to, so hey, I hear you got an opening. Could you go over there and if I put you on as a reference? It's a really good question. Right? So the proximity principle is a principle. Okay. Right?

Yep. The very word principle means this is a truth. This is what happens. So in order to do what you want to do, be around people that are doing it, get in places where it's happening. What you don't want to do is become an opportunity vampire. And that's what we see. People come in and they're coming in. It's all about what can you do for me?

What can you do for me? Connection, connection, connection. And they leave people. They suck the blood right out of them. You can feel it. Yeah, it's disgusting. It's gross. It's smarmy. We can see those people coming my way.

That's not what we're talking about. What we're talking about, the proximity principle is a principle. But when I'm around the right people, when I'm in the right places, I must be humble. I must be humble. I'm not here to prove. I'm not here to convince you that I am God's gift for this position. So there's humility there. Second, we want to be hungry and saying, I want to learn.

I'm not here to sway you. I'm not here to get a connection from you. I'm here to learn from you. Love it. And when you come in at that way right there, now the person that you are engaging with, connecting with, feels value. Well, yeah. I get the question all the time. Ken, I can't offer any value to John Deloney.

Yeah, you can. Let me tell you how you do it. You go, John, been really impressed with your journey. I've kind of read your story. I've watched your journey at Ramsey Solutions. I love what you do. I'm a clinical psychologist, and I think content may be in my future, but I'm not sure. Can I ask you a couple things?

How do you move from this to this? And they're all questions about your perspective and your experience on their situation. That's insight. They're not asking for a connection. They're not asking for favor. They're asking for insight, which I would call knowledge. And they're asking for wisdom maybe. Hey, John, I got a couple things here.

You're a professional in this area. What do you think would be the best route? Do you not feel valued in that moment? Somebody comes and tells you what you're putting out in the world is good. Your story and your journey is worthy. Yeah. It makes me feel awesome. After a week of just grinding it out and recording show after show and book edits and all that,

someone says, hey, I'm watching. Yeah, that's a lot of it. So here's what happens at the end of that conversation, folks, just to put a bow on this. So what John's talking about is right. So when I approach John that way for insight and wisdom, I can say to him, hey, what do you think are some next steps? Who are some other people that you think I should connect with? What are some places that maybe I should get into?

And a place could be as general as a webinar online, a conference, a clinic. And so when I ask that of John, I'm not asking John to network for me or do me a favor. I'm asking John for his, hey, who are some other right people that I should connect with? And only then does John go, here are a couple people. And oh, by the way, I'll make the connection. There you go. That's how that works. Let me email that in.

I like that. So you can't turn people into commodities for connection. No, it's gross. That's why I hate the word networking. I like the word connecting. Because connection to me and the way I look at it is there's a spirit. Yeah. Well, and tell me if I'm wrong on this opinion.

If somebody comes in and says, hey, you only got this job because you know so-and-so, my impulse is to say, eh, so. Is that a wrong impulse? Well, I think it's an incomplete impulse because I think the answer, I know what your process was. I didn't know you before you came here, so I've watched this, and it wasn't just because you knew somebody here. That was the reason you were brought to the table. Right. But you got hired on your merits.

There you go. So I'd go, you're wrong, but thanks for playing. That's what I'd say. Such a kid Coleman answer. Well, but that's true though. That's awesome. Hey, guess what? I'm going to tell everybody right now. I knew Dave Ramsey for 10 years before I ever worked at Ramsey Solutions.

That's the longest Ramsey Solutions interview ever. But I did not get the job because I knew Dave. I didn't. So I got the job. I got the job because he had a position. And Dave said, hey, we've got a position we need filled. It includes this, this, and this. We think you can fill it.

We've been talking about you. We're interested to know if you're interested in that position. It was not a Ramsey personality, by the way. Yep. So that's garbage. Yeah. And I would say to them, you know, it's the old, you ever seen a turtle on the top of a fence post?

That turtle didn't get up there by himself. That's exactly right. None of us did, right? None of us. So relationships are the currency, folks. Connections with people are the currency for success. You can get anywhere on your own. And good luck.

You've got to show up and be ready to rock and roll when you get there. They won't carry you very far. We can't be relationship vampires walking around going, hey, can you introduce me to this person? I'd be like, go pound sand. You didn't even say hi to me. You didn't even ask for any advice. You just want me to open up my Rolodex that I busted my butt to create for you?

Go outside and dance in traffic. That's what I think about that. That's crazy that people do that. Well, and I always, I tell people a lot when they say, hey, would you write me a recommendation letter for this? I tell folks, my son looks exactly like me. I gave him his face in my name. That's all I've

got to protect him from. And so I'm real particular about those types of things, right? Because it's all I got. Yeah. Right. So let's make relationships for the sake of relationships. Yes. Come what may. Yes. Listen, if you're great at connecting with people, whether on purpose or not, good things are going to come your way. That I guarantee. All right. Let me tell you what else is coming your way. More of your calls and the Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Dr. John Deloney. We're taking your calls, 888-825-5225.

We're talking life. But before we get back to the phones, oh, my goodness. We've got an epic two-day sale, John, that ends today. So I've got to tell you about it so you can jump in on it. It's not epic. They're giving all our stuff away. Well, you know, it is steeply discounted, no question. Oh, my goodness.

We're running this epic two-day sale that ends today. I'm looking at this. That means you can get up to 80% off books, bundles, and envelopes and give a life-changing gift. I know this, John. Our kids need shoes. They do. I don't know if I like these prices. We have to sell a whole bunch more now.

Yeah, we do. Because Dave's being so generous. Oh, boy. So, hey, it is springtime. That means it's graduation, wedding season. So these are some great, really steeply discounted gifts. And so we want you to take advantage of these sales opportunities. Here's what we got.

Audiobooks starting at $5. Are you kidding? I was in the booth for three days, James. $5 for three days' worth of work? That's an incredible deal. The starter envelope for budgeting, $5. Bundles up to 80% off. That's multiple books, folks. And then the updated Ramsey Plus marriage bundle, which now includes the new Know Yourself, Know Your Money assessment. Use this opportunity to give like no one else. You

may change someone's life with a very, very good gift. Shop the epic two-day sale at RamseySolutions.com. RamseySolutions.com. Please buy more of mine and John's books, please. We would appreciate that. It's all going to the kids. It's all going to the kids. We won't take a dime of it. It's coming to me.

My kids aren't getting it. Okay, good. I appreciate that, honestly. I'm just kidding. 888-825- two five is the number austin texas is where we go next jay joins us there jay how can we help hey ken big fan i listened to your audio book in january and probably 200 applications and a couple dozen interviews later i had two job offers that i'm wow way to go yeah i like that story john see that's not a glamorous story that's grinding it yes i love that good for

you jay how can we help yeah so i'm actually a couple hours south of austin i'm two hours away from houston and two hours away from austin okay so the the offer for austin going to be around the mid-80s. Plus, they're saying uncapped commission, but I have a friend that I used to work with that works for this company, and she said the realistic average is more like $10,000 to $15,000 a year in commission. And the position in Houston is around the $55,000 to $60,000 base, and it's true uncapped commission, actually. So I worked there. It's my first job out of college. And I saw people make a quarter million there after a couple years.

Okay. So I have a recruiting background. I'm in sales now, and I'm going to have to relocate either way. So the number one objective I have is to replace my wife's income so we work together. And once I do that, it'll be in recruiting, obviously. And from there, I just can't figure out which one I want to take. Go to the company that I used to work for where I truly could make uncapped commission.

They've already told me that they would let me work remotely from home until I make enough commission to replace her income. Versus if I go to Austin, I'm making that base right away, which would replace my life's income. And then, you know, from there, it's just, you know, how much commission can I make? Yeah, okay. Austin is more expensive. Way more expensive, yeah.

Yeah, especially like the kind of north Austin areas that we're looking at. Way, way more expensive yeah so if i got these numbers right your wife's making what 15 to 20 so i make around 58 she makes like 33 and a half oh i see so you got the combined number okay i got you got you right yeah so um anytime i get a call like this on the on the ken coleman show i i i never believe someone because I think you're being dishonest, but I know that there is a leader in the clubhouse. That's a golf term there, right? There's one of these, Austin or Houston, that's what we'll call them. One of these is the leader in your head. One is in your heart.

Maybe there's a separation. Maybe it's both. I want to know what's the leader right now. Before you call today, what's the leader? Can I guess before we do this? Well, no, because it takes away from what I want him to do. I'm trying to get him to say. I'm going to write down my guess. Oh, that's actually fun. I'm watching right now in studio. John is writing down. Show me the answer so that we have some integrity. Are you asking the leader

for me or for my wife? For you. Your wife's not on the phone. I can't help her. What's the leader? For or for my wife? For you. Your wife's not on the front. I can't help her. All right, what's the leader? For me, it's the one I know can make true and kept commission, but it's a smaller base. So it's Houston? Yeah. John wrote down Austin. I wrote down Austin.

Yeah. I can't believe. Because you're about to take the Austin job, aren't you? If I get the offer, yeah. I'm expecting to get it either today or Monday. I actually flew back from California. They flew me there to interview me. So wait a second. So wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You called in, and Houston's leading for you, which is why you said my answer, my wife's answer. John predicted Austin. Maybe he knew something I didn't know, that the wife wants to go to austin it sounds like you're not asking a job question you're trying to get me and ken to join your side so you can gang up on your wife why does your wife want to go to austin and why do

you hate me and ken i know the answer but i want you to tell us why she want to go to it it's actually changed at first her her at first her choice was to take which one makes the most money. Well, off the bat, it's Austin, but down the road it's going to be Houston. I know. And then now it's changed because she thinks that the – well, and I know it too. The schools are better in Austin. It's just the area we would be in is a lot nicer. But, again, the cost of living is so much higher.

You will eat that cost. My property taxes would almost triple. Yeah, your cost of living evaporates any sort of financial headway. And the reality is you're talking about mid-80s, so let's call that $85,000 is what you told us the base would be. And you've talked to a friend who tells you a realistic number that you're probably capped at 15, so that's going to put you right at 100 grand, and you're capped. Yeah, but the good thing is about that company, though, it's a fast-growing startup out of

Silicon Valley, and all the people that are in leadership that I've interviewed with, they've been promoted two or three times within the past, like, three years. Okay, so here's where we stand. I've taken this call so many times, it's hysterical. So here's the deal, Jay. There's not a right or wrong answer here. John? Just go hit the guy in the mouth and be happy with it.

So this is a relationship decision. And Houston is more money, but then Austin's got all the things. The wife likes it. Austin's got its flair. Austin's got the nice schools, all the stuff that Austin has. That you can't afford on $100,000.

That you can't afford, by the way, but that's what mama wants. That's what mama wants. We used to live in Houston, too, by the way. I know, but listen, forget, just for a moment, would you please forget your wife's opinion? Jay, just for a moment, because this is important.

We'll come back. What would you do? Forget her opinion. If she. We'll come back. What would you do? Forget her opinion. If she had no voice in it, what would you do? Go to Houston and make that money. So you guys got to have a steak dinner and sit down with a couple of pencils and a pad of paper and maybe do it together

or take two minutes before the appetizer comes and write down the pros and cons of each and let each other other then turn it into each other john now this is i'm not the professional relationship no i think you're exactly right i like them showing each other without talking about here's my pro con list let me read yours and discuss it and i want to know if she didn't like who you were at this other company i want to know if the part of houston you were she didn't like. I want to know there's something about the marriage culture that was created when you lived in Houston that she's not racing to go back.

And you're remembering all the good parts, and you are a hustler. I can hear it in your voice, and you're thinking 35 steps down the road, and you just want to go where you can get paid. There's something about she didn't like with you being there. Is that true, yes or no? Because we have very little time. I'm interested to know if John's on. No, I mean, her brother even lives in Houston. Okay, so here's what I would say.

And we have a bunch of family that's there. So, Jay, I'm going to give you some cheat codes that we talk about with video games for this dinner. All right. You've got to show her, come to the dinner prepared to show her some different areas of Houston that maybe she's not thought of that you guys can't afford to live in in two or three years when you're making $250,000 or whatever. You've got to cast some vision on Houston.

She's seeing all the things with Austin. Your cons list needs to have all the cost of living, property taxes, all the things on it. But then your pro list for Houston needs to have, we could actually afford to live in this neighborhood and be in this school system. Houston's one of the top cities in America. You can find what you want to find. I'd cast a better vision for Houston with that money and see what mama says. All right. I love it.

Fun stuff. That's a relationship issue. That's not a professional call. And it's where the Astros are. Steak dinner. There you go. Hey, I want to thank my colleague, Dr. John Deloney, beloved Astros fan. I want to thank our producer, James Childs, our associate producer, Kelly Daniel, and

you, America. Thank you for listening. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. This is James, senior producer for The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, head to theramseyshow.com.