The Ramsey Show - App - See What's Possible: You CAN Become a Millionaire! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: September 11, 2018

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. You jump in, we'll talk about your life and your money. It's a free call at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Starting off this hour is Phillip in Orange County, California.
Starting point is 00:00:55 Hi, Phillip, how are you? I'm doing well. How about yourself, Dave? Better than I deserve. What's up? Yeah, first off, just thank you very much for the Financial Peace University. My wife and I went through it in January of last year, and we're still on baby step two, but that's kind of why I'm calling you. Very cool. Good for you. How can I help?
Starting point is 00:01:14 So today actually marks the day that we've gotten rid of all of our credit card debt. Yay. 100%. Yay. So we had about $25,000 in debt back in January of last year, and now we're at $4,500, which is just our sole car that we have, and we're just trying to figure out whether or not we should pay off that car as fast as we can or if we should actually start saving up on the emergency fund
Starting point is 00:01:37 since we have a little bit of net worth on that car at this point and just getting some advice from you. I'm confused. Why would you not do the baby steps? It's just a quick question, just more on whether or not we want to grow that emergency fund more so that way we can, if for whatever reason it rains, we can go ahead and use our emergency fund as opposed to paying off the car considering it's only $250 a month. Okay.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Well, I mean, in Financial Peace University, we real clearly say to, of course, be out of debt in Baby Step 2 and then add to your $1,000 emergency fund, raising it to a fully funded emergency fund. I don't understand how you didn't understand the lesson where you're supposed to get rid of the debt. Yep, that's what we tackled right away, right? No, you haven't. No, you haven't. You just called me up and said, I want to keep my car loan so I can build my emergency fund. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:46 That means you didn't understand the lesson. So the idea is that you need to be out of debt because your most powerful wealth-building tool is your income. And you focus with great intensity on getting out of debt so that you get control of your most powerful wealth-building tool, which is your income. We don't pay off debt, so we save money. That's obviously not what you were supposed to have learned in Financial Peace University. So, yeah, you do not add to the $1,000 account until you get the car paid off.
Starting point is 00:03:22 Brad's with us in Midland, Texas. Hi, Brad. How are you? Hey, Dave. I'm doing great. How are you doing today? Better than I off. Brad's with us in Midland, Texas. Hi, Brad. How are you? Hey, Dave. I'm doing great. How are you doing today? Better than I deserve. What's up? Oh, hey.
Starting point is 00:03:31 I just wanted to thank you first of all. We're on Baby Step 7. Paid off $176,000 in 18 months. Woo-hoo! And my big question today is I took a new job, and looking at their plan, the investments that I have available to me are pretty much underperforming the market except for one. Right. We already maxed out our Roth 401Ks through a backdoor Roth, and the company provides a 5% match.
Starting point is 00:04:02 So my question is I need to take advantage of that 5% match, but should I go ahead and throw the rest in an after-tax mutual fund? We're getting ready to start doing that anyway. You're a federal employee? No, I'm not. It's an oilfield services company. It's a what? An oilfield services company.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Oh, so it's not the federal government TSP? No, no, no, it's not. It's a what? An oilfield services company. Oh, so it's not the federal government TSP? No, no, no, it's not. It's a company thrift plant. Okay. And your options are bad. Yeah. How bad are they? How bad?
Starting point is 00:04:37 What is the one option? The one option is an equity fund, and it's actually performed about 13% over the life of the fund, which the international fund is not terrible as it confirms or goes with international funds. You're about 7.5% over the life
Starting point is 00:04:56 of the fund there, but even the aggressive is only performing at about a 7%. I would avoid that. Now, what's your income? My wife and I together, we're about $400,000 this year. Oh, well, you're only talking about $18,000 here.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Aren't you maxed at $18,000 on the thrift savings? I had been at my previous companies, yes, and we're also, like I said, maxing out the Roths. But I'm saying the maximum you're allowed to put into this TSP with questionable options is $18,000. Correct, $18,500. Yeah, out of $18,500 out of $400,000. It doesn't matter. Yeah, max that thing out.
Starting point is 00:05:36 But you need to be doing more investing than that anyway. So, yeah, you do your backdoor Roths on a double dip, you in for your wife. You max this out, and then you're going to do a whole bunch more investing in addition to that. Yeah, we're going to put about $10,000 to $11,000 a month into mutual funds after tax. Yeah, so even if these do underperform, they're not going to underperform so dramatically that they pull your whole life apart, given that you're not putting that much money in there. Okay. Relative to your income and relative to your other savings.
Starting point is 00:06:06 You see what I'm saying? Yes, sir. If they all make 5% and all your other stuff makes 10% to 15% over the years, you're going to kill it, and you're not even going to notice. And I think they'll make more than 5% because you're going to go real heavy into that index fund. It sounds like it is roughly that 13% one. And I might put a little bit in the international there, probably not. No, I probably wouldn't.
Starting point is 00:06:31 I'd probably just put it all in that 13 in this situation and then get some of your diversification in your after-tax stuff that you're doing. Okay, we can do that. That's not a problem. What do you do for a living i'm an operations manager in the oil field or something yes yes for the oil services company my wife's a director at a school district okay well you guys are doing beautiful way to go man congratulations ding ding yeah because 18 000 is such a small percentage, we'll allow that much to underperform to get the tax-deferred growth on that much of it. The rest of it, you're going to be taxed out your eyeballs on anyway because you're evil.
Starting point is 00:07:15 You make too much money, and you must be punished, according to the government. And so, yeah, you're in a great shape, man. Way to go. Very, very well done. Man, oh, man. Boom, boom, boom. Love it. Sandra's on YouTube and says, Dave, I want to start investing, but I can only start with $500.
Starting point is 00:07:33 I don't know what to do or who I can talk to about it. Can you help? Yes, I can. If you only have $500, it means you're not out of debt, you don't have your emergency fund, and you're not following the baby steps. And we have those baby steps in place. The reason you don't have any money is you have debt, or you don't have an income. And so we've got to get your income up and or get you out of debt
Starting point is 00:08:00 so your income is freed up to be able to do long-term investing. You can start a mutual fund, some mutual funds, with as little as $500. One-time investment. Just set it in there. But that's, and it's okay to do that, but that's not going to make you wealthy. What's going to make you wealthy is getting a steady flow of money going into 401Ks, Roth IRAs, in good growth stock mutual funds. And that's going to have to do with your income side of the equation, as well as having gotten
Starting point is 00:08:32 rid of the debt in your situation, Sandra. I'm reading between the lines, but I'm almost positive that's what you're doing. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Listen up, my friends at Churchill Mortgage. Want to put some cash back into your pocket? Go to ChurchillMortgage.com today and enter the $3,000 end-of-summer giveaway. Whether you're buying a new home or evaluating your current mortgage, you know I'm going to recommend talking to Churchill first.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I trust these folks to save you money. I'm talking thousands. And the team at Churchill will take great care of you. Churchill Mortgage is the only mortgage company I'm aware of that takes what I teach and applies it to your loan or your refinance. They've helped so many of my listeners and team members by making sure they are in a mortgage that doesn't bust their budget. Go to ChurchillMortgage.com today to learn more, and while you're there, don't forget to enter the end of summer giveaway. Call Churchill Mortgage today at 888-LOAN-200 or online at churchillmortgage.com. This is a paid advertisement.
Starting point is 00:09:47 NMLS ID 1591. NMLSconsumeraccess.org. Equal housing lender. 761 Old Hickory Boulevard. Redwood, Tennessee 37027. Here's what's interesting. We did this study, Chris Hogan and our team and an outside firm that we hired to conduct and structure the research study of millionaires. We ended up studying over 10,000 millionaires. It is the largest study of millionaires ever done in North America.
Starting point is 00:10:40 And we studied them to find out where they come from, who they are, to see what's possible. Because so many people believe now that all wealth is inherited, and that it's a matter of privilege of some kind. And what we actually found was that that's mythology. Well over 90% of millionaires are not millionaires because they inherited money. Now, we knew this from talking to everyday millionaires on this show, but we didn't want to talk to just Dave Ramsey tribe people, so we talked to people who never heard of me, millionaires that had never heard of me,
Starting point is 00:11:18 thousands and thousands and thousands of them. And then we talked to thousands and thousands of our millionaires. And oddly enough, the data was not significantly different. And the statistical evidence of this is so solid and the research project is so ironclad tight that those of you that disagree with these findings are what's known as wrong. It's exciting. We put it in a book called Everyday Millionaires that Chris Hogan wrote, How Ordinary People Built Extraordinary Wealth and How You Can Too.
Starting point is 00:11:52 You've got to read this book on how to be a millionaire. It's very, very cool. It's $20. It comes out in January, and it's on presale right now. We've sold over 16,000 of them already on pre-sale. It doesn't come out until January. Why would you buy a book that comes out in January now? Because I'm going to bribe
Starting point is 00:12:12 you. We're going to give you $50 in free bonus items for pre-purchasing it. The Everyday Millionaire's audio book, read by Chris Hogan. The Everyday Millionaire's e-book. Those will both come with the actual book in January. But immediately, you'll get a video lesson called How to Retire Inspired by Chris Hogan.
Starting point is 00:12:33 And one from me called It's Okay to be Wealthy. You hear negative financial news everywhere. You hear the little man can't get ahead everywhere. You hear that wages are stagnant and people are stuck. But all of that has a political agenda. This is not a political statement. This is a statement of fact. Millionaire wealth is possible today.
Starting point is 00:12:59 And we'll show you how. Every day millionaires. $20. You can get it at ChrisHogan360.com or DaveRamsey.com. Connor is with us in Portland, Maine. Hi, Connor. How are you? I'm well.
Starting point is 00:13:13 How are you, Dave? Good. How can I help? Well, I'm just trying to figure out. My wife and I are halfway through Financial Peace University, and we're trying to go through the budgeting process and come up with a good budget. We both have very irregular incomes, and so I'm trying to figure out how that process works. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:32 In your Financial Peace University budgeting forms is an irregular income planning sheet. It's sheet number six, if you want to do it on paper. Right. So we've done that, and we've also used every dollar. The problem is that my wife is a waitress. She makes anywhere from $3,000 to $4,200 a month. And I'm a new, young real estate agent that's trying to build my business in that sense. So my income is very irregular.
Starting point is 00:13:59 As you know, the real estate business can be when you're new and starting out. And so I'm trying to figure out, A, how I can build my business and my career to make more money, but also how we can budget based on those two different types of irregular incomes. Because we really don't know. Some months we can do more, and some months we're going to figure out how we're going to do that. You must not have read the irregular income sheet because it says exactly what to do in your situation okay and what exactly what you do is you make a list of all of your expenses that you're going to pay or need to pay in the coming weeks or months month and you prioritize them from most important to least
Starting point is 00:14:38 important and when her tip money comes in or your real estate commission comes in you go down that list in order of most important to least important. The first three or four are very simple. Number one is food. That's the most important thing you can buy. Number two is lights and water. Number three is you pay your rent or your mortgage. Number four is you take care of transportation issues.
Starting point is 00:15:02 And so food, shelter, clothing, transportation, and utilities are your first ones you do. And then after that, you continue down the list working your baby steps or whatever else you've got in your budget that you need to get to or want to get to until the money runs out. And when the money runs out, you rewrite the list and you start the list again, most important to least important, Most important to least important. That's what the irregular income sheet in the Financial Peace University forms kit says. And the way you would do that, there's not a form sheet like that with every dollar. Every dollar is you just redo your every dollar when the money comes in
Starting point is 00:15:41 and see how much of it you can pay, and then you reset it. But we don't have the set. You know, we don't have the prioritized spending process built into every dollar. You have to build that out. But if you just do it with a piece of paper, you can do it with a yellow pad. You don't even have to have the form. But you just make a list, most important, least important, and then when a check comes in, that's where the check goes, down that list from most important, least important, and then when a check comes in, that's where the check goes,
Starting point is 00:16:07 down that list from most important to least important. Alex is with us in Dallas, Texas. Hi, Alex. How are you? Fine. Better than I've ever heard. Good. How can I help?
Starting point is 00:16:17 I have a general question. My wife and I have been married close to 20 years, and for about 17, 18 years we've been at single income and she uh went to school and got herself an education and it took about six to seven years to get that done um so now that she's been working for the past two years we're on baby step two in our debts off right but she's having a break on on nervous breakdown in her current career Huh? Great. Why? Why? Is she in a toxic environment? Well, I guess maybe a lot of professionals in her field are.
Starting point is 00:17:11 What is her field? Teaching. Teaching. Yeah, I think it's just quite, you know, when it comes to teaching, there's a lot of science that's really, like a lot of people are not aware of what really teaching is all about. But yeah, she's in the teaching field. What is stressing her out, the kids, the parents, or the administration? All of it, sir, all of it. And so we are basically working on, you know, we found possibly an avenue to help her out.
Starting point is 00:17:48 We found an organization that, you know, covered quite a bit to help her out. But more about, you know, now that we basically have the two incomes, we're trying to work on paying the debt. So I'm trying to decide, you know what. So how much student loan debt is there from her becoming a teacher? I'm so sorry? How much student loan debt is there from her becoming a teacher? Well'm so sorry? How much student loan debt is there from her becoming a teacher? Well, it's probably about $30,000.
Starting point is 00:18:11 $30,000? Yeah. Okay, and what do you make? We make basically... What do you make? What do I make? I make, let's see here, $3,200 a month. Okay. And that's your take-home pay?
Starting point is 00:18:29 That's take-home. And she makes about $3,000 take-home. She's not working, is she? She's working now still. Really? Yes. I thought she was in mental health care. I thought she was in...
Starting point is 00:18:40 Yeah, no, she's in mental health. I think she's going into mental breakdown. But she's still going into... She's having a mental breakdown in the classroom? Everywhere, every day. She's just, she's lacking sleep every day for weeks. Okay. So quit. But that's also what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:19:00 I told her to quit, but based on the actual numbers, I wouldn't be able to afford it with just my income. Yeah, well, she can do tutoring at home. She can tutor kids. She can do a lot of different things with a teaching degree that's not classroom. Another question I've got, it doesn't seem logical to me that you would go to get a four-year degree in teaching and not realize you're going to be in a classroom with kids. I mean, that's, it's pretty obvious what you're going into. So I don't know how this decision-making got you guys here, but either way, if she can't mentally exist in the classroom,
Starting point is 00:19:40 for God's sake, get her out of the classroom for the sake of the kids. We need to talk about something you've been hiding. It's your smile. Your teeth aren't straight and you think you don't have the money or the time to get them fixed. You think your only option is to go on covering your teeth every time you laugh. Well, here's some good news. With Smile Love, you can have a completely confident smile, pay thousands less than what you expect, and do it without all the appointments. Here's how it works. We'll send you a kit with simple instructions to make molds of your teeth at home.
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Starting point is 00:20:37 Order today at SmileLove.com and use the promo code Dave to receive $100 off. SmileLove.com. Promo code Dave. Ursula is in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I see on my screen you're debt-free, Ursula. Way to go. Yes, I'm debt-free, Ursula. Way to go. Yes, I'm debt-free. Love it.
Starting point is 00:21:08 How much have you paid off? I paid about $65,000 and $31 a month. Good for you. And what was your range of income during that time? I went from $69,000 to making $110,000 back to making about $100,000. Good for you. What do you do for a living? I'm a registered nurse with a master's degree, and I work in nursing leadership, and I consult on the side. Okay. So you just worked your tail off, didn't you? Yes. I picked up every single extra case I can pick up, all the
Starting point is 00:21:35 shifts I can pick up just to get it done. Cool. What kind of debt was the $65,000? So I had about $48,000, a little bit over $48,000 in student loan debt and $16,600 in credit card debt. Okay. How old are you? I'm 29. Good for you. You did it before you were 30. Look at you.
Starting point is 00:21:56 Yes, I'm really excited. We worked really hard. Yeah, two and a half years you've been getting after it, kiddo. Well done. Yes, I have. Well done. Thanks to God. Yep.
Starting point is 00:22:06 So what got you started on this 31 months ago? Well, it all started in August 2013 when I quit my full-time job to go back to school to get my master's degree. I had a two-undergraduate degree with no debt, and then I kind of bumped my head and fell into debt without a job. So I had to use credit cards and student loans to, of course, pay for school, but also live. And then in August and September of 2015, I decided to just pay it off right after I graduated. And so I'm finally done. I finished about five months ago tomorrow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:22:39 Good for you. So what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? In your case, it's a lot of hard work, for one thing. Just working, I mean, working your butt off, you know, remaining faithful to God. I still continue to do my tithing and giving as I could, and just God just blessed me along the way with, I had the opportunity to move to Texas, and then I moved back when I was done paying my debt so I can be back with family. It was a lot of sacrifice, but I am so grateful to be done. Very well done. Well, congratulations.
Starting point is 00:23:10 How does it feel? Thank you. It feels so good. I'm still on cloud nine. I really am. And I thank God and all my family and friends for the support. So you had some good cheerleaders? I mean, I had a lot of good cheerleaders,
Starting point is 00:23:22 and I was able to introduce the plan and give the plan to some friends and family. And so a lot of people around me that I'm surrounded by are doing the Ramsey plan. So we are all just moving towards being debt-free. I am so proud of you. Very well done. Ding, ding. Who's your biggest cheerleader? I would say my sister, Gerla.
Starting point is 00:23:43 You know, she always would always say, are you done with your debt yet? And I had my friends, Tiffany and Louriana, who are also doing their debt-free journey, and I'm rooting for them as well as everybody else for me. Very cool. Good for you. Well done. Well done. Well, we got a copy of Chris Hogan's retire-inspired book for you.
Starting point is 00:24:02 We want that to be the next chapter in your story, that you become a millionaire, and I think you're on your way. And, of course, be outrageously generous as you go along. Good job, kiddo. Yes, yes. Very well done. All right, it's Ursula in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. $65,000 paid off in 31 months, making 69 all the way up to 110.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Lots of OT, lots of extra jobs. Well done. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Five, four, three, two, one. I'm debt-free. Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Starting point is 00:24:44 Love it, love it, love it. Augusto is with us in Sacramento. Hey, Augusto, how are you? Hi, Dave. I got a question that I think is going to be funny because you always talk about this German Polka master degree, and I'm wondering if my son's career could fall into that or not. I think it doesn't, but I want to hear your opinion on that.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Okay. He's trying to pursue a master in music composition and doing film scoring, and I am a musician myself. I mean, I'm a pastor, but I'm also a musician, and I kind of supported him on this idea that go for your dream and do whatever your passion is and what you're good at. But the thing is, is he going to be able to pay the bills, or if you have any thought on that.
Starting point is 00:25:38 So he's getting a degree in film scoring. Music composition is the degree. Oh, music composition. Music scoring is what he wants the degree. Oh, music composition. Music is what he wants to do. Oh, music composition. Okay. The way you answer the question is not asking me. The way you answer the question
Starting point is 00:25:55 is try to figure out what the guy's going to do. What's his job going to be? Yeah. That's kind of the question. Has he already gone and done this? No, no. He's a senior in high school this year. Okay. Well, then my challenge to him is not, you know, you can't just blindly say we're going to live our passion. That doesn't work.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Yeah. I mean, you could have a passion in something stupid that no one will pay you for. And that's ridiculous. You don't want to do that, especially going spending money to get the degree in that. So, I mean, he is in California, okay? Sacramento, not L.A., but you're in the vicinity of where a lot of film has scores written for it. I'm not aware of necessarily people coming out of college and immediately writing music compositions for film scores. I would think it would take a few years to build a reputation, to build a network of people that knew that you had some talent,
Starting point is 00:26:59 even if you're talented. And so probably his first step out of college is not to make a living writing film scores. That's my guess. I don't know. I don't know that business that much, but I would guess that they don't hire a lot of entry-level people to write film scores coming out of college. I can't imagine that, as a matter of fact. It's possible, but if he's a savant, if he's unbelievably talented,
Starting point is 00:27:28 like world-class, you know, top two percent or something, maybe. But the typical guy that's just, you know, he's just a songwriter coming out of school. I doubt it. But anyway, so then what's he going to do for a living? Yeah, that's that's the question, right? Yeah. And I don't know the answer to that. But he needs to answer that question before he goes and gets his degree.
Starting point is 00:27:49 Okay. Because the number of people who make a living writing film scores is very, very small. Think about it. I mean, very small. Yeah, and my concern was because we moved to the States a couple years ago, and we were not expecting to pay for college, so we didn't do any funds. We're debt-free, but we don't have the ability to pay for his education at this point. So he needs to pick a school that's very inexpensive and plan on working a lot while he's there, and then hopefully you can throw some in to help him as he goes,
Starting point is 00:28:31 but he needs to go to an inexpensive school. So he's probably not going to UCLA film school. No, yeah, of course. But because of your videos, he's been working very hard on the SATs because that will help him get some scholarships and that stuff so so he's kind of working and he's intentional about it but at some point I think we will have to make uh like big decisions on that and and I'm not sure if if if a music career is worth those big decisions or you know well I mean a music a music career could be uh but you know what does
Starting point is 00:29:06 the music career look like um i've got a friend who plays in the local orchestra and makes a pretty good living doing that you know and if that's what he wants to do that's okay there's nothing wrong with that there's not but but i want this young man an assignment of his if i'm his dad is you have to tell me before i'm going to participate in this decision with you how you're actually going to make a living. Because I'm going to just throw out a number. I'm just making this up. I don't know if it's accurate. But let's say that 1,000 people, which is probably the most possible, actually make a living on the planet writing film scores for a living.
Starting point is 00:29:42 It's a very narrow field, and it probably is going to take some time to break into, or an unusual level of talent to break into, or both. And so, as your B plan with a music composition, see, I can't even say it, why are you asking me anything? You know, if you've got that degree as a B plan, what are you going to do to make a living? So let's find a way to live our dream in such a way that it doesn't become a nightmare. That's all we're saying. And that's loving him well.
Starting point is 00:30:22 To guide him in that. It's not to tell time not to do it but don't do it unless you can tell me how you're going to make a living other than writing film scores this is the dave ramsey show did you know statistically when it comes to life insurance and protecting your family that women are more likely to be uninsured or underinsured than men. This doesn't make any sense. Women make up half the workforce, contribute mightily to family incomes, and in many cases are the breadwinners and take care of their families
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Starting point is 00:31:59 Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Christopher Reeve said, a hero is an extraordinary, well, let me try again. A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. Well, there you go. Which makes them not ordinary at all, doesn't it? If you're a tax professional, our team needs your help. If you didn't know, we have an entire program to help people find the best tax pros in their area.
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Starting point is 00:33:09 Dylan is in Grand Rapids. Hi, Dylan. How are you? I'm good, Dave. Thanks. How can I help? So I've got a question about I'm 22. Sorry, I'm 23.
Starting point is 00:33:22 My fiance is 22. We're getting married in just a few weeks. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah. I'm coming into this marriage with about $30,000 in debt. She doesn't have any. But what she does have is an inheritance that she's received from her grandma.
Starting point is 00:33:42 And so my question is, we want to have a house in the next, you know, I know you say wait one year until after you're married. Um, so we want to have a house within a year or two. Um, but wondering about whether we should use that inheritance, um, as soon as we get married to pay off the debt or should we save it and just pay it down over the next year or so and then use that inheritance to actually put a down payment on a house? I would be debt-free before I buy a house, and I would have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses before I buy a house, and I'd have a down payment, and I'd be married close to a year.
Starting point is 00:34:21 What's your income going to be combined after you're married? Around $75,000. And what is the debt amount? $30,000. What now? $30,000. $30,000. And how much is the inheritance?
Starting point is 00:34:37 The full inheritance is about $100,000, but we wanted to use around $40,000 for the down payment. So what would be wrong with paying off the debt after you get home from the honeymoon? That leaves $70,000. And if you were to put $20,000 aside as your emergency fund, that would leave $40,000 or $50,000 to put down on a house. Yeah. I think the biggest problem that I'm having with that is um because
Starting point is 00:35:07 this is like my debt that i'm bringing in and this is money that her grandma inherit you know saved for her and i know that you know we'll be married at this point um it still feels selfish to me um but so it's my mind says that that's a better choice my heart is feeling like i should just put my head down grind through the debt and save and buy a house with it which is kind of what she wanted for us um well i i think it's part of learning how to be married you know we we get nervous and we get all excited and we have have the marriage, the actual wedding, and we stand up there, and we say, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer,
Starting point is 00:35:53 and in the old vows, not many people say this anymore, but they say, all my worldly goods I pledge to you. If you go in the Book of Common Prayer and read the wedding vows, that's what you'll find. In sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, in all my worldly goods I pledge to you. And what that represents in those marriage vows is that you are actually combining your lives, that there's no you and me anymore. It's a we. We're French now.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Oui, oui. Right? Right. And when you do that, then there's not any my debt, her debt, my debt, her inheritance. This is our savings account that came from her grandmother, and we have debt. And what you're describing emotionally is that it's hard for you to get to that point. And that's normal. It's normal to take a while to get to that. And so if you want to sit on it for six months and not do anything and kind of get used to the idea that we're now we-we instead of you-me, right?
Starting point is 00:37:00 You're not roommates anymore at that point. The preacher says, and now you are one, unified, one unit. And if you're one unit, there is no bifurcation between who owns what anymore. We have an income, and my wife has not worked outside the home in 34 years. But we have an income. Our income is X. You see what i'm saying and so it's not like i earn all the money so you do whatever the flip i tell you to do that wouldn't work with my hillbilly wife i'll just tell you but that's the whole idea isn't it i mean we're learned to live as one in concert in unity we have our own identities as humans we're learned to live as one in concert, in unity.
Starting point is 00:37:45 We have our own identities as humans. We're not getting absorbed into each other or something like that. But it is this powerful thing that says, and now you are one. All my worldly goods I pledge to you. If it were reversed, you're so in love with this woman, you would not think anything about giving your grandfather's inheritance to pay off her student loans for your household to be able to make progress as fast as possible financially into the future. And, oh, by the way, your grandfather wouldn't blink at that. If the roles were reversed, you could do it.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Yeah. And so it comes down to just, you're a good man. You've got some pride. You've got some good, healthy pride. You're not a leech. You're not a parasite. That's all this conversation means. The fact that this is hard for you means you're a good guy.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Okay? But do it anyway. Appreciate it. Because you're wrong. I know. Okay? But do it anyway because you're wrong. But if it takes you a few months to get around to that and emotionally get your head around it, that's fine. But don't live your life with separate stuff. You're going to end up separate.
Starting point is 00:38:58 Yeah, long term. I mean, if it takes you a little while to get your emotions wrapped around it, that's fine. But let's break that pride down and go we are now one because let me just tell you you you get sick and you're in bed and she brings you chicken soup your pride didn't go in there you're ready for some chicken soup you know you don't need pride at that point and um and vice versa if she gets sick you're going to take care of her and that's what this is about, this marriage thing. It's serving and loving each other well, combining our lives. This idea that we're just going to be roommates and, you know, have a joint venture agreement is not good healthy relationships.
Starting point is 00:39:37 So good question. Good question. No, I'd work the baby steps exactly and give yourself a little time to get there. But I'd write a check and pay off the debt, put my emergency fund aside, and put the rest down on a house after you've been married nine months to 12 months. Thanks for calling in, brother. Congratulations on the wedding. Proud for you.
Starting point is 00:39:57 Open phones this hour as we talk about your life and your money. Adrian is on YouTube. Is it worth not rebuilding immediately my emergency fund to attend a funeral of someone i was semi close with well i don't know how semi you are um basically you're saying that attending this funeral is an emergency if you use what would have been emergency fund money to go the, that's called declaring the funeral an emergency. So you have to be pretty semi, pretty close in the semi-close part to say going to the funeral is an emergency. If it's just a trip you want to take, no.
Starting point is 00:40:40 You don't use your emergency fund for a trip you want to take, and we're using this as an excuse to go back home. No. But what's the deal here? I mean, if your emergency fund was full and sitting there, would you declare attending this funeral an emergency? If you're close enough to declare it an emergency, that's fine. Then go to the funeral. That's what it's for.
Starting point is 00:41:02 But there's something weird going on in the way you worded this that makes me question that. So, I don't know. That's how you do the critical thinking on it, though. That puts us out of the Dave Ramsey Show and the books. Our thanks to James Childs, our producer, Kelly Daniel, our associate producer and phone screener. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ
Starting point is 00:41:28 Jesus. Hey guys, this is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm excited to announce that we're now carried on 600 radio stations across the country. To find one near you, head to DaveRamsey.com slash show.

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