The Ramsey Show - App - Share but Don't Scare When Explaining Things to Your Kids (Hour 3)

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions Broadcasting, the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host on the air today, answering your questions about life and money. That's what we'll be doing. Phone number here is 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Andrea is in Colorado. Hi, Andrea. How are you? Great. How are you today? Better than I deserve. What's up i wanted to call today and um run a

decision by you to see if you could help my husband and i placate our hearts a little bit and i will try to keep it brief um when we decided to take on your baby steps it was because we eventually wanted to move out of our neighborhood and onto more property so we can have animals and have our kids grow up on a farm. Cool. We are on baby step four, five, and six. My husband makes about $90,000 with mandatory overtime per year, and I stay at home with our two young girls. We were passively looking for a property when we were approached by a commander at his job that knows a woman that was selling a property that was her grandparents. They were the original owners of a home on 13 acres.

She was selling it for $469,000 but was willing to have us take it on for $350,000 because she knew that we would not tear down the home. The only offers she's gotten were investors that would just tear everything down. Our family and friends think we would be crazy not to do it. We go back and forth a lot and don't know what the right choice is. On a 30-year loan, we would be still paying about $1425,000. And we're nervous. We really are. And wanted to get your opinion.

Okay. There's not a deal good enough to do more than a 15-year mortgage. So I would take on a 15-year max mortgage. Have you got some money to put those down payment or selling the home you're in or what? So his grandmother offered to let us borrow $70,000 until our home was sold. Our house is not on the market yet. We were trying to get it ready, and that's, I think, the biggest moving part that really scares us. Why don't you just buy the other house contingent upon your sale of yours?

She's not getting any other offers. She's made it like a sweetheart deal with you all. She'll give you time to sell yours. Yeah, she kind of has a time limit, a 30-day time limit, because it has been on the market for so long. And so that's why the decision is really pressing. The offers that she got were a lot more than what we could offer. And that big number, I think, is just really scaring us. Like I said, I know we could do it, but I feel like we're not staying true to what has worked for us which were your baby steps don't do it you know then don't do it don't do it yeah i

it's a good it's a good deal but it's not a good deal if you have to do it a bad way and that would entail borrowing from your mother good god no um it would involve your house hasn't sold it would involve all that so um i would give this lady a written offer for the amount that she's asking, contingent upon the sale of your home, and your home will sell within 30 to 90 days and close, and you will be able to close on the farm, and you will do it on a 15-year fixed rate, and you'll be just fine. Do you think that $350,000 is a lot to take on on a $90,000 salary?

No. Okay. No, that part doesn't bother me. You're not looking at another $200,000 in renovations on this house, are you? To be honest, our contractor said that $50,000 wouldn't go very far on it. He was looking more about $70,000 to $100,000, which we knew we could do slowly. But that's another big moving piece. Yeah, how long do you want to live in a house while it's under construction?

With little kids. I don't like other people in your life telling you you should be doing something, and there's something in your voice over the radio that you're hoping that Dave is going to tell you don't do this. I think I'm putting enough parameters on it all of a sudden that it's not going to be doable. Because if you do it smart, there's only one way to do it, and that's the smart way, and that's going to be your house is sold and you've got these renovations figured out. But now you're talking about $400,000, not $350,000. Am I missing something? No, not at all. Okay.

It's been my experience over the years that when, especially when a husband and a wife are of the same gut feeling go with that you get yourself into trouble and you start listening to the people who don't have any skin in the game they just have an opinion in the game well everything sounds what the initial drive by on this sounds great because it's like a hundred thousand dollars under value yeah and that sound that sounds fun and it's a nice piece of ground which is their original goal that sounds fun. And it's a nice piece of ground, which is their original goal. That sounds fun. So it starts, you know, the hook is that this seems to fit the dream. But then when you start getting all the way down into the bait on the hook, now we start to see, oh, you've got a renovation that's going to take years.

Oh, God. Well, and then there's this idea, what's this building cost we're in right now? This is a $70 million building? Mm-hmm. So if you offered it to me, you came to me and said, John, I'm going to sell it to you for $10 million. That's the deal of a lifetime. Mm-hmm. I don't have $10 million.

Right? So it's not the right deal of a lifetime for me right now. Right? Exactly. And I think this thing's got enough edges on it that it's given you hesitation. And I'm back with you on the hesitation now. Mm-hmm. You know, the deal sounds fine on the initial upswing, but if it means that you're borrowing money from your mother-in-law

and you can't get your house sold and you're doing a renovation and you're putting it on a 30-year, you know, you're just violating about seven things in a row here to go do one thing that does seem to make sense until you put all those seven things against it. So yeah, I'm not doing any of that stuff. And folks who want to move to the country for this exhale, want my kids to grow up in a slower lifestyle and a peace. And you don't get that if you don't feel comfortable moving into the deal, right? You don't want to move to a stressed out farm. Spend all your time working on a stinking house.

Right. You know, so I don't mind doing a home renovation. I do really mind doing one while I live there. With little kids. As an extensive two-year project or something. I mean, and we're going to do this as we can cash flow it and all that. That's just not fun. I've been doing real estate and renovations my entire adult life,

and it's just a lot of sawdust, a lot of drywall dust in the air. And it just – I remember distinctly we were doing the house that we lived in before. Sharon stripped the carpet out of our bedroom. And, yeah, we end up sitting in folding chairs on the plywood floor, in lawn chairs, on the plywood floor of the bedroom. You know, like picnic chairs, right? I mean, watching a big screen TV. And I told her, I said, you might be a redneck if you're sitting in a lawn chair in your own bedroom on plywood watching a big screen. You know, that's renovation to me.

No, thank you. This is the Daveave ramsey show we're all going through challenges and our lives have been impacted in ways we've never anticipated if we learned anything it's that change is constant, and having a plan is crucial to our family's livelihood. This is why I talk about term life insurance every day. And for those of you that haven't taken care of this for your family, I'm not sure what you're waiting for. Hopefully, recent events have opened your eyes, and if you need some extra motivation, companies have started raising rates so the smart move is to get this taken care of right now for over 20 years and through all the challenging times the only company i have recommended who gets the job done is zander insurance

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Take the quiz. It's free. Find out what you need to protect your family and your wishes. Text the word QUIZ to 33789. That's 33789. Text the word QUIZ, and we'll even send you a promo code for 20% off your will. John, there's a lot of people there's been a spike during the corona shutdown on will preparation but people buying wills yeah and um i'm trying to figure out in my head if it's because they had time on their hands or they were scared

yes yeah yeah i think there was probably some space. People get some stuff done. Think about if you were driving to and from work every day, suddenly 30 minutes this way and 30 minutes that way, you've got an extra hour in your day. So I think people had some time. But I do think this idea, especially at the beginning of this when there was going to be several million people pass away, yeah, this idea of where does my money go? Who takes care of this stuff and the unfortunate thing is we've seen a spike in them but i've also seen on the back end on the mental health side folks not being able to go to funerals and folks dying relatively suddenly and they don't know what to do um they didn't have a will um yeah you've you've again we talked about this the other day

you've my buddy john says the only reason to not have a will is if you hate your wife and kids, that's the only reason to not have one. Um, and I think people really struggle with this idea, this, um, spoiler alert, none of us get out of this alive. Right. And I think it's so hard for people to look in the mirror and say, one day I'm not going to be here. Yeah.

And the beauty thing of a will of, of a sit of this mama bear situation is so great is you get to play a part when you're gone and helping the people that you love it's something you can do right now but man that's a hard psychological leap for so many people well some people get so twisted up i've actually heard people say and this is it's always humorous to me but i i don't want to do it well i might die you know they actually say that 100 chance you're gonna let me help you with this we did research you're gonna die that is the some of the only bipartisan research we can we can listen to these days as if as if doing the will hastens your death no you know i mean that's it but it's almost like but what that is is they're having to face their own mortality i mean they're really

yeah and it's hard you have to wrap your head around somebody else possibly taking care of your kids and somebody else dating your spouse and somebody else living in your home i mean there's all kinds of existential things that are real and heavy, but those are in your heart and in your mind. What's real is that you are not going to be here someday. We spend an inordinate amount of time on the succession plan here at Ramsey. What's going to happen when the next generation has run this place? What's going to happen when you're sitting in this seat, I'm not, or Rachel and you are sitting here, or you and Hogan, or whatever?

Name the Ramsey personality that's sitting here, right? And an inordinate amount of time, you know, how to run the business when I'm not here as the CEO and an inordinate amount of time. And there's all these discussions all the time. I mean, my death is discussed so much around here. It's just depressing. It's depressing. It really is.

So I told them they cannot discuss this. They go, well when dave dies you're gonna say when dave goes to the lake house you have to just change this when dave goes to play golf it's not when dave dies i'm not planning to retire i'll come around here and spread hate and dissension and do something but when dave is not active in the business right oh my gosh and or in that portion of the business but it's always when dave dies i've been dying for like 15 years now working on this crap so and all we're asking you to do is to spend one or two hours to get this done it's been 15 you don't have to do 15 years of dying i've been dying for 15 years i've gotten used to it now so yeah i like that you call heaven the lake house that's good

that's good well call the lake house heaven hell is the golf course for me, but I can get behind heaven being a lakehouse. Oh, fun stuff. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee, which I just love. I mean, even if you screw up and you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your window blinds for you. Measure it wrong. They'll make it free, over. You get free samples, free shipping, new promos. You save even more.

Always use the magic word, Ramsey. Love it. So here's today's question from Nicole in Utah. She asks, I'm on baby step number two, and I'm torn between taking up more shifts at work and maybe even getting a side gig at night to pay the debt off faster, and I'm feeling guilty about the time it would take away from my daughters, how do I find a balance between feeling the mom guilt?

Well, when my kids were little, we were broke, and I had to work. I didn't have a choice. I wasn't trying to achieve a goal. I was trying to eat, and I had to work. I didn't have a choice. I wasn't trying to achieve a goal. I was trying to eat, and I had to work. And then we were starting this business. The kids were small still, and businesses don't start on 40 hours a week. I had to work.

And all of our kids turned out. None of them were permanently damaged. Now, their mother was there with them, and, you know, she will tell you she felt like a single mom part of the time. So very few things in life get achieved by people who are on a 40-hour work week they just don't and so um you know do you want to work extra jobs and never see your kids for the next 10 years no but do you want to do it for uh eight months so that you get to see your kids in a quality situation from now on it's live like no one else so later you can live and give like no one else work like no one else so that later you can work like no one else i work now because i want to right not because i

need to in any stretch uh i just enjoy what i do right and i i don't need the money i don't need that i i take the money it's a scorecard i want to keep score but uh but it's not i'm not i don't have anything driving me like uh necessities you know or anything like that i i work because i want to now but and i work when i want to and where i want to now and so somebody calls and says uh you know i want you to go over here and do this i just say no i don't think i don't i don't think i want to do that right and so if you'll work like no one else later you get to work like no one else i don't think your children are going to be damaged from a period of time now again here's

the problem you're going to have a financial trouble and always have the wolf at the door if you don't do this for for 10 years if you don't do this for 10 months and that stress poisons your kids it poisons your family tree yeah right that constant we're going to be able to eat or we're going to have the lights going to get shut off that constant worry that's generational that goes with you um and i also um i'm going to really recommend to nicole she get a couple of friends that she can sit down with i think there's an industry now around mom guilt mom guilt the more i'm producing mom guilt off the conveyor belt like never before the more i can keep uh mom's feet from being firmly planted in who she is and that she has value and that her

kids are going to be okay um i think i'm a little gnarly gnarled up by stuff humpback grandmother i can promise you she didn't have mom guilt she was german descent right you know whack you with a wooden spoon woman right she didn't have mom guilt yeah you know if one of her kids had suggested they weren't being nurtured she would have fed them a biscuit right i mean you know but there's just an ecosystem we've created where moms can't win you can't work you can't stay at home it's just it's and the only way through that is with the community that will prop you up. And you have those low days and those high days.

But, yeah, I'm with you, man. My wife and I worked crazy. We had six figures worth of debt. We just lived nuts. We lived nuts. For how long? How long? About 18 months.

We paid $106,000. We moved into a residence hall. We did some crazy stuff. You went bananas for 18 months. And for the rest of your life, then you're free. That's right. That's a fair trade. For our family, it was a wonderful trade.

And your kids aren't in counseling because of that. They're going to be in for other reasons. But it's because I'm their dad. Not because their mom's pretty extraordinary. That was not the point. Right, right. No. They're doing just fine.

Just fine. Dr. John Deloney, my co-host, Ramsey personality, this hour here on the, or this day here on The Dave Ramsey Show. Folks, since you're spending more time at home these days, why not make the most of it? Now, I know not everyone has the means to do a full renovation, but thanks to our friends at Blinds.com, there are some small changes you can make to help improve your home. Blinds.com makes it incredibly simple to shop top-quality blinds, shades, and interior shutters from home with easy online ordering and free shipping right to your door. Listen, window treatments are a simple project that you can do

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This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today here on the air. There's two PhDs, and we discovered in an earlier hour of the show, he also has an executive certificate from Harvard, which he just picked up as kind of a side thing. It was a front thing. It was a front thing. It was cool. It was cool.

It was a drive-by shooting, though, the way you introduced it. It was worth doing. All right, Allie is with us. Allie's in Texas. Hey, Allie, how are you? Hey, better than I deserve. How are you guys doing today? Just the same.

How can we help? All right, Real quick. Around 2016, I was out of work, lost my job, and was defaulted on my credit, loans, and et cetera. So a law firm from one of my creditors, which is a credit union, called me. And after I had poured out my heart to the lady and she was very nice and I offered to do a payment plan or to do a settled amount, they wanted more than what I could afford monthly and they wanted a lump sum. When I look at my credit, I see that the credit union is adding interest payments so that even though it's considered written off, the amount keeps going up monthly. So I called them and I said, hey, here's the situation. I'm trying to settle with the credit union.

I'm trying to make right on it. When I tried to call and to make right on it in the past, IT could not unlock my account. I couldn't access it to get a visual. A lot of stuff happened. And so they're like, well, you have to go through this law firm that they see work for them, which is a debt collecting law firm. Now the law firm has added about 800 more than the original amount. What was the

original amount? It's 25,600. Okay, and now they've added $800 to that. And what did you offer them as a lump sum, or what did they offer you? I even offered to pay the $2,500 in full for the credit union, and it's not a community credit union. It's a Drew Echol and Farnham law firm, and they don't seem to be willing to work with me. Did you get a lump sum offer from the attorney, or did you make one to the attorney?

I made a lump sum offer to pay it off, but they wanted everything. How much is a lump sum offer? About $1,400 of what I had at the time. Okay, on a $3,200 debt that's not been paid on since 2016. Right. Yeah. That's a good offer. Just keep offering it.

Call the law firm. Listen, don't have big personal discussions with these people. They don't really give a crap about you. As a matter of fact, they don't give a crap at all about anybody. So all you're trying to do is deal with a dog that will bite you that is on the end of a chain, and you're trying to throw it a biscuit without getting bit. So that's how you treat these people. They're rattlesnakes.

They're not your friends. And you're just very confident. I thought the credit unions cared a little bit more than the bigger banks. Yeah, you don't need to share nothing. You just say, you have a very old debt. You have nothing now. I'm offering you $1,400, a very old debt. You have nothing now. I'm offering you $1,400 as settlement in full. My financial coach told me that that is a great offer,

and if you don't want to take it, you will get nothing. Do you want to take it? I'll call back next month and offer it again, or you can call me back any time and decide you want to take it. Do you want to take the $1,400? Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,ba-ba-ba-ba-hang up. Okay. And then call them back the next month and do it again, and then hang up.

And then the next month do it again. Eventually they're going to go, oh, this lady has $1,400. And they will take it. But get it in writing and do not give them electronic access to your checking account. They can continue to add interest on it, even though it is written off, and they can lock your accounts up because your account's in default. Of course they can lock it up and not allow you access to it. So you've got no rights here.

You've got a $3,200 debt, including $800 worth of collection fees, which is asinine and ridiculous, but they're trying it, and we're not going to let them pull that. So you're offering them $1,400. If you want to get up to $1,600 and get it done, that's fine, or even $2,000 and get it done, that's fine. But don't get into bidding against yourself. Let them make you a good offer, and you're dealing with rattlesnakes. Keep in mind, this is very personal to you.

This is their job, and they have a job that sucks. They get to do this all day. Who would you want to be, you or them? I'd rather be you. Okay. And, Allie, when you called, you greeted us, and you said, Hi, good to talk to you. And then your voice dropped octaves and you spoke as though you're ashamed.

And I want you, this happened in 2016, you lost your job, you've picked yourself back up, you're trying to settle and make things right. Hold your head up high when you move forward, okay? I really appreciate that because I have helped, I used to help a lot of people in the financial ministry but I I wish I knew then what I know now following the Dave Ramsey show and the company was doing a lot of unethical stuff they made the news and I left taking a part-time job making half the amount I was because they didn't want you to go home unless you had

enough loans or leads or it was just a pressure to sell sell sell sure and i just thought credit unions were better so i really do appreciate your advice pick your head up pick your head up and walk with your head high that was that was you you're gonna get this you're you're a warrior roxanne's in california hey roxanne welcome to the dave ramsey show hi guys how are you great how can we help um so my situation um or i should say our situation uh is my husband and i recently purchased my grandmother's property who was owned by my eldest aunt for a long time um and when my grandmother passed my aunt finally said that she wanted to sell off this property. I also lived in it.

My grandmother lived in this home for 60 years. I lived in it for about 25. I grew up in that home. So it's very emotional for me. And I wanted to hold on to it. I couldn't imagine anybody else ever living there. It's a three-in-a-lot. It's a single-family home in the front, which is my grandmother's home. And then there's two apartments in the back. It was a deal that we could not pass

up, especially considering my emotional ties. My aunt sold it to us for $550,000. The comps for something like this in our area is about $850,000. But we went into this deal, my husband, weary about it from the beginning only because we knew that the home in the front was going to require a lot of work, like extensive work, maybe $150,000 worth of construction remodeling that we need to do to get it where we need to. So our question is, what do we do? Right now we know. Is your plan to fix it and move in it? We want to live in it for sure.

This is going to be our forever home. Okay, the home that you're in, do you own it? The home we're in is literally right next door. It's a rental. That's a rental. Okay, so you do not own the home that you're living in. And how are you going to fix this up? What's your question? So the question is, do we take out a home equity line of credit? Do we try to save as much as we can on our own?

Do we do a construction loan? What's your household income? $100,000, including my husband's VA disability and both our jobs, $190,000. Okay. So why can you not cash flow the renovations if you have a $200,000 income? You can, by the way. That was a passive-aggressive question. You can.

Yeah. I mean, we're nervous about it, but we're on baby steps. We're in between five and six. Yeah. So we're doing pretty well. So cash flow the renovations out of $200,000. What do the renovations look like? How much money?

We're looking at about $150,000 to $175,000. Okay. Break it down into four parts and do one part a year or two parts a year. Okay. And figure out a way to live in part of the house while the other parts are being done. If we're going to do this renovation, it's going to be $50,000. We're going to cash flow that. Then we're going to do this renovation.

It's going to be $50,000. Then we're going to cash flow that. And you can do that out of $190,000 pretty easy. You probably could do more than that. So if you want to break it down into two parts and do an $80,000 and an $80,000, you'll probably get there. That kind of a thing. I had some friends in California in 2009 that had some great equity lines against their gajillion-dollar houses that got cut in half. Don't do that.

Don't do that. There's no reason to take out an equity line. You make $200,000 a year. Yeah. Roll up your sleeves, do a budget, and phase your construction in. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. hey folks father's day is just around the corner If you're looking for the perfect, unique gift to give dad, I've got it. Grip 6 belts. If dad's like me, he's not a fan of traditional belts. They never fit right, and they're uncomfortable. Grip 6 belts are exceptional. Owner BJ designed a truly modern,

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Dwayne the Rock Johnson said, Success isn't always about greatness. It's about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come. Open phones at 888-825-5225 number line three is ash khan hey ash khan how are you good dave how are you better than i deserve to speak with you you too how can we help yes actually as good as you deserve all right this is a perfect question for you both of you guys. I started trading stocks in 2016 as a side gig. I'm a biomedical engineer, but I love, it would go down to like $1.80. And initially I would panic that I wouldn't, and then I would sell it at four, making, you know,

doubling my money in a few weeks. But then I noticed that the debt was kind of influencing my decision because I was calculating my debt and I was like, okay, this is an interest of 10% is guaranteed. This is not, and I would panic because I was like, okay, what happens if I go to two again and I lose my, you know, lose my profit. So now that stock is like $45. So I would have made lots of money, needless to say, if I just held on to it. How do I psychologically get over those kinds of things? And I've noticed that debt, getting rid of the debt has done a lot of that.

And so, and also I wanted to know to know, as far as my budgeting, I've been on a tear market-wise since I haven't paid attention to the debt because I don't have any debt anymore. So I've been able to just look at the business, and so I've done a lot better. But also, what percentage do I budget it as a fund? Because you said not to do single stocks, but I do as a side job. What would you recommend?

And I still fully fund my Roth, but what percentage of my income would you recommend playing single stocks as a side gig? Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't know if I made sense. Sorry. Well, I would not recommend that you trade single stocks as a side gig. If you want to do it as a hobby because you enjoy the math and fool with it, the amount of money that you spend on it would be the amount of money that you'd be willing to spend on entertainment when you lose it. Oh, okay, even though I have a track record of success, so put it in my entertainment budget.

Set the guy right before he loses all of it. Right, yeah. The statistics are 78% of the day traders lose money. Oh, it's more swing trading. You mean like day trading by selling it within the same day? That's people screwing around with the program that you're screwing around with where you think that you have more information more insight and better math skills than the guys running a 50 billion dollar mutual fund do they're going to kick your butt every time dude you're not going to win this

and so whatever amount of money you want to lose is the amount of money you play this sounds like talking to a guy who thinks he's going to win at poker. I'm going to Vegas, and poker is my side gig. And how much money are you willing to put up for poker or slot machines or whatever? The amount of money you're willing to lose for the entertainment value of your hobby, and that's it. Because that's all it can be. And if you're not real careful, your confidence in your own abilities are going to cause you to lose a lot of money because you're playing a game of Russian roulette here,

and it is just a matter of time before you get your teeth kicked in on this. I think, yeah, being a biomedical engineer, you're going to be smarter than the average Joe, and that may prop up your entry-level success. But like you say, the other side of that fulcrum, entry level success but like you say that the other side of that fulcrum man the more weight you put on there into that teeter-totter it eventually it's the same thing i mean you know it's a guy that says i'm really good at poker and i've won the last hundred hands and so i've got poker figured out you know to which everyone has the

sly grin on their face to this guy's getting ready to get his teeth kicked in. It's just a matter of time. And so you are going to lose on that. The game is not designed that way. But again, I don't mind if you play it, and I understand the math intrigue on it. I'm a math nerd myself, and so I understand the draw to that. I understand the draw to counting cards. I understand that. But I don't do either one uh because i know how my brain

works and i if i started winning i would start thinking that i'm a i'm a big bad boy and i can play in a game that i really don't need to be playing in and that's what you're that's what's going to happen so be careful there please please you called and asked so you got an answer bobby's with us in missouri hey bobby how are you howdy what Bobby, how are you? Howdy. What's up? How are you? Man, better than I deserve. How can we help? I am 26 years. Household income with my fiance is about $1,000 a year and goes.

Okay, you're cutting in and out. All I got is you're 26 and you have a household income of what? About $170,000. $170,000. $170,000. Good for you. We lost you, Bobby. Bobby. Bobby, I'm going to put you on hold until you can get your phone straightened out,

and we'll be able to talk to you. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Frank's on Instagram. I just lost my job due to the coronavirus. Single income family. We lost $100,000 a year. All of our income. We're in baby step two.

We have no money. We have six kids. What do we tell our kids? I think we tell them the truth. And I think you tell them that this is you know we had a similar question a few a few days ago I think the so many of us get excited that we have a six-figure salary and we think that that's going to make us a hero in our kids eyes and if you play a 30-year game on this this is when you sit down with your kids in the way they can hear it and you tell them dad's going

to be working several jobs he's going to work really hard and we lost income, but here's what we're going to do as a family. We're going to rally around. And now he's got an opportunity to change his legacy of his family, not financially, but character-wise. This is what a man does. This is what a husband, a provider does when he loses his big, fancy job. Telling them nothing is not a good idea. Telling them enough to terrorize them is not a good idea. Right.

So give them real information, which is we lost our job, and real information is we're going to do something about it. That's right. And here you get to watch this happen. You get to watch what happens when a dad loses his job, what a dad does. That's right. What a man does, what a woman does. This is what we do. This is how we how we act and this is how we react and you're going to get to experience this with us what was the phrase rachel said scare but are are informed but don't scare or something yeah it was something really great we all high five it was a good little twitter line and i can't and i forgot it yeah share but don't scare that's what it was that's it there's share but don't share

but don't scare there is this tendency i think for parents's it. Share but don't scare. Share but don't scare. There is this tendency, I think, for parents especially to, and I get it. I have it at my own house, to shield your kids from this. Well, the other tendency is to overshare, to just throw up on them. Right. And that's just silly. They're not your friends. They're not able to handle that. They're not your same age.

They don't have the coping skills. No. I don't care what their age is. Right. They are six kids. I mean, if you've got six kids 22 to 32 under your roof, you don't have a problem. Right. You just need to do an eviction.

That's right. They need to get divorced. Otherwise, these are children, and you do have an obligation not to throw up on them. Right. But hiding it from them, too, they're going to feel it on you. And what kids start to do is they feel that tension, and they start to- Why is dad home all the time? that inward they blame themselves yeah where's dad what's where's dad at home this is weird why is he stressed no idea what's going on yeah and when

people don't have information they even children they assume that it's worse than it is in the absence of data we make up stories that's right and usually the stories are about what you did to cause this problem and a nine-year-old can't handle that a 12-year-old can't handle that so tell them the truth be honest with them and then let them watch your example coming out of the back end of that share but don't scare that's right that's a good line rachel there's a good line we'll have to try to try to write that down remember it nine hour if you keep working on this rachel crew she's gonna she's gonna you think she's gonna turn she's gonna make it she's gonna be all right she going to be all right. You think she's going to be all right? She might have another bestseller.

She's a good project, yeah. She's got five New York Times bestsellers. God almighty. Good grief. Two, but another one on the way. So here we go. Dr. John Deloney, good job, man. Thanks for letting me be on the show with you today.

Fun hanging out with you, John. Good stuff. That puts this hour of the Dave Ramsey Show in the books. Our thanks to James Childs, our producer, Kelly Daniel, our associate producer and phone screener. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of these uncertain times, Ramsey Solutions wants to give you some hope. For the very first time ever, we're giving you Financial Peace University free for 14 days.

Go to DaveRamsey.com so you can watch from home.