The Ramsey Show - App - She's An Absolute Car Wreck! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show. We help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Ken Coleman, number one bestselling author, host of the Ken Coleman Podcast on the Ramsey Networks, is my co-host today. So you want to talk about jobs or careers? Well, he's here and we can work that in for sure. Because we talk about all parts of your life here on the show and how we can make it all work together so you get a better one. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Rob's in Los Angeles.

Hey, Rob, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, guys. Absolutely love the show. So, big fan, follow most of your advice. My question is about romance and how to keep it alive with the joint bank accounts. So, my wife and I recently got married and we're doing what you suggested, having one centralized checking account.

But my question is, what do you do on Valentine's Day or her birthday? I don't particularly want her to know how much I spent on flowers or if I take a look for a meal, you know, how much it costs. You'll get over that. The longer you're married, the less that matters. Because actually, Sharon and I go out to dinner for Valentine's after 43 years, and we play guess the check before it comes. We want to see who can guess the closest to what it's going to be.

So it'll work out. Now, I'm messing with you, but that's a sweet, wonderful question. Thank you. Okay. So I guess there's a couple. I mean, we just need a mechanical way to fix it. So you've got some money that is spent towards her, but she doesn't know what it is. And so I guess around Valentine's Day, you could, as an example, around her birthday or something like that,

you could increase your Rob spending account because you should have a his and her account for blow money, right? Yeah, we have a guilt-free account. Yeah, guilt- guilt-free account okay let's increase your guilt-free account around that time and she knows that we've increased the amount but she doesn't know what you spent on the particular items then got you okay but i mean she's not going to be okay with you dropping five grand out of budget. Okay. But you don't want her to know if it's a $200 flower or a $300 flower, right? Exactly. That's my point.

Yeah. I understand financial infidelity, et cetera. But, yeah, there's a happy media here. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, so just build it up during that time. And it's just kind of a stated thing. I get a little more guilt-free money because i'm taking care of your birthday out of that shut up you know right and so that's how that's what i would do i don't know ken what do y'all do i that's what i do i tell stacy especially

around christmas time i go hey listen we we plan out a budget for the kids and then i go all right this is a range for us and i said you know you just you just not worry about it and and she loves that and and your wife is going to love that too because you've had the forethought to say for us. And I said, you know, you just, you know, just not worry about it. And, and she loves that. And, and your wife is going to love that too, because you've had the forethought to say, all right, uh, I'm going to do a little extra over here and it's not going to be crazy. And then you'll, she'll know all the details once she gets the gift. And so I think the thought that counts around the gift is great, but I think the thought to say, Hey, we're going to stay controlled. We're going to stay disciplined, but you know what? I want to, I want to do a little

extra for you. And I think as long as you're communicating and you're disciplined, the romance is very much there. I love the heart of the question, but you guys communicating well allows for these month-to-month changes when you've got a Christmas, a Valentine's, and a birthday. Yeah, exactly. Because in February, we have Sharon Palusa. I know. Well, this is a big month for Sharon in February because of her birthday. the first our first date was February 6th her birthday is the 8th and then there's Valentine's Day on the 14th so the whole freaking month is Sharon Palusa I mean she just

gets it's like ridiculous so yeah budget for February so wow because you know it's a good month for sure I've got a little category it's SWII. Sharon wants it. Uh-huh. So there it is. Right. It's one of my budget categories. And it works. It works. Is that also the same? Could you also call that same envelope Sharon Gets It?

Well, that's the point. Yeah. Sharon wants it. Sharon gets it. Yeah. SWI, SGI. SGI. That's it.

Yeah. You have to give it all a full acronym. I like that. Like we're in the military. Yes. I love it. Good for you. Well done. Well done.

Well done, Rob. Charlotte's with us in West Palm Beach, Florida. Hi, Charlotte. How are you? Hi, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can I help?

I have a question. So during COVID, we decided to put some money in stocks, and now we made enough on the stock market to pay off our house. My husband really wants to because Florida is going crazy with insurance and taxes, and it's just going crazy down here. So he really wants to take the money out of the stocks and pay off the mortgage. How do you feel about that?

What do you want to do? I don't know. I'm torn because the stocks I want to go up and I want to do? I don't know. I'm torn. How much is the mortgage? I watch it go up and I watch it go down. We pay $2,500 a month on our mortgage. How much is your balance on the mortgage? About $100,000.

Okay. How much you got in stock value? About $120,000. Okay. Let's pretend your house was paid for and you didn't have any stock, like you did what he wants to do. Okay. Let's pretend your house was paid for and you didn't have any stock. Like you did what he wants to do. Okay.

Would you go borrow on your house to buy stock? No. Same thing. We want to move. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. You drove. Whoa, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

You drove right past that. It's the exact same thing. If you had a paid four house and no stock, go borrow a mortgage to put the money in the stock market. It's just reverse engineered. It's the exact same thing as you taking this stock and paying off this house before close of business today, which is what I would do. I have never in 32 years of doing this radio show had anybody call me back and go, I off my house and i hate you dave ramsey that has never happened there's a lot of people hate me for a lot of stuff but that's not one of them okay pay off your house today okay do it by the end of the week have a little mortgage burning party with a little dance and stuff in the backyard on friday night pay it off this week

you sound like him he's just ready okay okay thank you so much sorry charlotte he wins the argument he's right and you're gonna love it i figured i figured that i figured that you called me and asked that question you knew it yeah she that's why i asked i was like what do you want to do because when you lead with my husband once, we know where that's going. And, you know, it's funny for her. She's kind of reconciling that. She's like, I'm watching it go up, go down. But she really wants to ride that wave.

Well, they made some money. They did. And she's going, I like the way that feels. I want to do that again. That's exactly what it is. So what you do is you take the $2,500 a month that you don't have anymore, round that up to $3,500, and go if you want to do single stocks. I don't. I don't like the're going to want to if you want to do single stocks i don't i don't like the risk of it right but uh if you want to do that then throw some money in

there and just watch that money grow and now you got a paid for house in the backdrop that's exactly what i would do you breathe different when your house is paid for the air goes more deeply into your lungs it is a physical manifestation of peace, financial peace. Two words that don't go together like airline service, right? That's exactly right. I mean, it's just, you know, delta. What's that mean? It means, when you look it up in the Greek, we're probably not going. That's what it means. Oh, ouch.

Deep, deep. The airline jokes. Financial peace. Yeah. Well, but here's the investment reality, too, though, Dave. It's that that $100,000 in equity is no risk compared to the $120,000 of the stock. Yeah. Because that could go up and down, but your house is not going to do that. Not in Florida.

Hello. You could get Biden reelected or Trump elected or the world could come to an end, which is probably similar. At this rate, maybe that's the best option. C. None of the above. Yeah, I know where I'm going. It's a lot better there. This is The Ramsey Show.

Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance. Christian Healthcare Ministries. is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of

families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values and avoid miles of red tape. And CHM support goes far beyond meeting financial needs. They'll also help meet spiritual needs. Members become part of a family who will pray with them and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget at chministries.org slash budget. Ken Coleman, Ramsey personality, number one bestselling author of the book Paycheck to Purpose. He's my co-host today. Erica is with us in huntsville alabama hi erica welcome to the

ramsey show hi dave thanks for taking my call sure what's up so um i'm gonna give you a little bit of background so you can understand the situation i'm in um i moved to the u.s by myself when i was 21 and i worked as a nanny until I was about 28. And when I was 28, I finally had the opportunity to go to college, and I pursued a physics degree. And in college, I got as many opportunities that I could because I wanted to build my resume and have actual work experience. So I got another internship. I did three research teams. I was a physics PA.

I published a paper. And I got a job right after college as a developer, and I'm making $40,000 a year. But I'm moving to Atlanta soon. I only have 10 days left I work and I have been looking for a job since October and I haven't even gotten an interview yet and the people who went to college with me they all got really good jobs They have the same background as me, but they found jobs in engineering and tech, but I can't seem to find anything and I don't understand why. And now I'm having to pay back my student loans and things are getting tough.

Erica, so let me ask you this. What have you done when you say, I haven't been able to find anything? Does that mean you haven't been accepted in the form of getting hired, or you just literally are having a hard time ideating and selecting things to do with that physics degree? No, I actually have been applying to lots of jobs, and I haven't gotten an interview. Okay, so let me... I applied for tech, engineering. So Erica, I'm interrupting because that's the challenge. So we live in a world today where getting noticed is harder than ever if you're just going to apply. I mean, you could sit and LinkedIn message people all day long. You can apply, apply, apply, and you're Exhibit A for applying without a

connection, and you are maybe not even getting noticed. There was some data that came out, Erica, in 2021 that said four million actually qualified candidates never even got noticed by the companies they applied for because of the artificial intelligence software that we have to use now to be able to process the amount of resumes. So I'm trying to encourage you, not discourage you. The encouragement is you've been going about it the wrong way. And now you need to do it the right way. And so if you're moving to Atlanta, you've got to start to zero in on everybody that you know that lives in Atlanta, everybody that you know that knows somebody that lives in Atlanta, and we're going to show them the impressive degree

that you got in physics. I'm assuming you had a great GPA and some of the papers that you've written. All these things are impressive, correct? Right. That's what I have been doing. I have been trying to network there, and I even went in person to a few companies to deliver my resume, introduce myself. No luck yet. No, but sweetheart, listen, the days of walking into the street and to the receptionist, while I love the hustle factor there, it's just not the way things work. So what has to happen is you've got to have somebody who is making an introduction for you to somebody who has a say in the job. Is this hard work? Absolutely. Is it harder than submitting resumes all day, every day? Yes. But with your background, your pedigree, your issue is not qualification.

Your issue is connections and getting in front of somebody who gives you an actual interview. And so there is no silver bullet advice here. This is you literally locking in on, this is where I'm moving to Atlanta. And so if I draw a circle around Atlanta, and I know the north side, south side, you're looking at all of the companies. And one of the things you probably need to do is narrow in on, what is it that I really want to do with the physics degree? Do you have an answer to that? Give me top of the things you probably need to do is narrow in on, what is it that I really want to do with the physics degree? Do you have an answer to that? Give me top of the list.

If you had three things, what would be number one at this very moment? Well, number one at this moment is what I have been doing right now to work as a developer, but I know that things have been tough for developers at the moment, so my second option would be engineering. You're doing code with a physics degree oh yes because in my university we have to have a lot of i know but i mean background yeah okay but you want to do you want to be a developer that's the long-term ladder for you i want to keep taking my developer skills and move up because your current developer job sucks yeah you're not you're on the low end to be a developer that's awful yeah

it's because i was hired for um a non-profit company okay so so erica we're fishing not only we're not fishing properly when you have fished you've been fishing in the wrong pools non-profits by the very nature of their existence and operation there's just a lid on you financially you should be in the 75 85 range he's very soon with a path a dev one to six figures a first level dev yeah yeah for sure yeah that's what i'm trying to find. And developers are not hurting. There's a shortage. I don't know who told you the market is dried up for developers.

There's a shortage. Oh, it's because of... I could hire five today if I could find them that were competent. I just went on... Listen, I just went on a popular job site. I'm not going to say their name. But there's 977 developer jobs on their site in the Atlanta area. Not exactly a shortage.

977. Yeah, so I have been applying for these, though. So you're not listening. That's why you're not getting an interview. For 10 minutes, Ken's been telling you that applying for jobs doesn't work unless you know somebody inside the building that takes your resume out of that stack that's nine feet high and walks it over to their friend's office and says hey i don't know if erica will be great or not but you ought to at least talk to her she's my buddy that's right that's who gets you the

interview otherwise we get 15 000 applications into Ramsey every year. We hired 170 people last year. What do you think your chances of getting out of that needle in a haystack are? It's not because we're mean or heartless. So something Erica just said, and this applies to a lot of people, so I want to break this down. So Erica just said, I don't have any buddies. Well, first of all, it's not true.

So let me give you all a really quick example of what I've done a thousand times on the Ken Coleman Show. Someone says, Ken, I don't have any buddies. Well, first of all, it's not true. So let me give you all a really quick example of what I've taught, what I've done a thousand times on the Ken Coleman show. Someone says, Ken, I don't know enough people. So I say to them, Dave, how many people do you know? Give me close ties, close network, social media, friends from college. And they usually say the, every time they say, I know about a hundred, 200 people okay great how many people do those 200 people know and then they say 200 and i go quick math that's 40 000 people yeah so when someone says this erica's still listening so erica here's what i want you to understand you know everybody that you need to know but this takes work let me give you a classic example here's what people do wrong dave they go on linkedin and they fire a bunch of emails and connections and they feel but this takes work let me give you a classic example here's what people do wrong Dave they

go on LinkedIn and they fire a bunch of emails and connections and they feel like I did good today I put some hooks out in the water but what you got to do is no bait on the hook no you got to go to LinkedIn and you go okay so I'm looking at a job right here folks I'm not going to say the company it's a lead full stack developer she's not qualified for that but this is developer job at a company in Atlanta Georgia and. And it's listed via LinkedIn. So what you do is you go to LinkedIn and you go, how many people on LinkedIn do I know at that company? If she comes up with zero, then she goes, all right, let me start looking at the connections of people on LinkedIn that work at that company. And I will guarantee you she's three or four degrees on LinkedIn from that one person who's at that one company. Now

folks, our advice here is practical and it's doable. We don't give out this kind of, you know, Mary Poppins kind of Pollyanna advice. This takes work. I know, but my point is it's not just go out there and do it. You got to work it and work it and work it to the point where someone goes, all right, I know Fred over there and Fred knows the hiring manager. Fred's going to connect you based on our relationship. Here's a copy of Ken's new book, number one bestseller, Proximity Principle. That'll help. The Proximity Principle is what we're talking about. Find someone that you're in proximity of the job with that can pull your resume out of the stack and walk it down the hall to their buddy and the hiring manager and go hey i don't know if she'll work out but at least look at her that happened to me last week an old

childhood friend texted me and said a friend of a friend's daughter has her stack stuff in your stack would you pull it out we pulled it out it did not result in her being hired but we pulled it out and let them look at it yeah this is the ramsey show ken coleman ramsey personality is my co-host today open phones at 888-825-5225 so ken i'm thinking about er Erica's call in the last segment, and she's applying to a bazillion jobs and not getting any reaction, and your goal is to get her to go to a human being that knows a human being or that actually does currently work inside the company

and let the human being take her resume and walk it to the hiring manager. And you've made a really good, a huge impact on social media, and the podcast is very successful telling people that simple idea, among several others, on the whole idea of a job hunt. I never, and you and I have talked about this for, I don't know, that book is three years old, two years old, the proximity principle. So we've talked about this concept on air and off air a long time. It just suddenly hit me coming back from that break.

And she was, couldn't seem to get her head around what we were telling her to do. It was almost like it was impossible for her. But, you know, how much of this, this is a passive-aggressive question because it's actually a statement. How much of this need to do things digitally instead of relationally is caused by a generation or two that grew up doing everything digitally instead of relationally? Yeah, I think it's a portion of it. I'll tell you the biggest cause is the sting of rejection. So every time you have to put yourself out there and ask somebody to help

you, one of the hardest questions we know to ask is, will you help me? We don't want to feel like we're a burden to somebody, and we also don't want to potentially hear the word no. So actually, the fear of rejection is what's really driving most of this. Now, to your point, social media and technology and devices has made it feel as though we are being more effective. People have digital courage. I mean, they'll say crap, trolling, and do crap that would get their dadgum nose broken were they to do it in person. Somebody punched their freaking lights out if you said that in person to somebody, right?

But you got digital courage behind your little avatar living in your mother's basement. That's right. And it's a generation that breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend instead of doing it in person, A, with a little class and d b dealing with relational conflict properly they do it with a text well let's go a level deeper now we have ghosting or you don't even actually send the breakup text or whatever you just don't show up ever again it's a scourge we have literally there are story after story of businesses hiring people and their start day arrives and the person doesn't show up

they get worried about them they reach out to them and they never hear from them i'm not kidding this is called ghosting you know i know it's called ghosting but it's ghosting on a new hire they're not showing up we've already accepted the job here two times in the last year and i have raised cane with our recruiters and our interviewers because they shouldn't have got in the building they started here and they quit on the first day because they found out like we work and stuff right yeah like whoa imagine taking a job and then Dave Ramsey's place and discovering I had to work right why would that be a shock right right uh but I work but I think you make a very good point the rejection feels less when I'm submitting a resume online.

I feel good about myself because I submitted it. I did nothing else. I'm going further than that. I'm saying not everybody in these generations. I'm not throwing a whole generation under the bus. That's right. But the skill of personal relationships has been stunted. That's exactly right.

It's hard, though. By this technology instead of enhanced by the technology. And you're right, and I'm agreeing with you. But I'm saying what's really going on underneath all of that is this fear of rejection and fear to ask for help. And to your point, they've not exercised the muscle to where it's no longer scary. Yeah. So you're absolutely at the pinpoint of why it feels better and feels easy to do what this young lady said

because i'll never forget i was like my 20s and i went to a sales conference and the guy was talking about the guy with there was a big in my 20s there's a huge real estate company called century 21 yeah oh sure and the guy that won the award for selling more houses than anybody else in this huge company was a uh a vietnam vet veteran and they him up to stage, and he kind of was just this little guy, not real impressive looking. And they got him in front of the microphone. He really wasn't that impressive. And they're like, so how do you, the number one guy in the nation?

I mean, you'd think a guy would be a dynamo, right? And how are you the number one guy? And he goes, well, just talk to people about houses, and they buy houses. He goes, well, what do you mean? He goes, well, like, example the other day, he goes, I was in Burger King and heard this couple sitting over there talking about houses, looking at a home's magazine. I walked over and told them I'm in the real estate business,

and three days later I sold them a house. They're like, well, weren't you scared to walk up to a stranger in Burger King? And he goes, honey, I did two tours of Vietnam. Burger King ain't scary. Isn't that the truth? So it's a muscle that's built. It's a muscle that's built. It's a muscle that's built. And that's exactly right.

So we all have to understand that when we put ourselves out there, just in the act of applying, what you are essentially doing is you are in a place of vulnerability and you're kind of going, I hope they like me. And so now what's happened with this caller, and we hear this all the time, is she has tasted rejection so much that now she has really begun to believe the narrative that I can't find a job. And developers, you can't. Nobody's hiring developers in Atlanta. And in one keystroke, live on the air, you get 977 jobs to come up.

So what's happened? What's happened is. A warped reality. Right. But from what? I can't find anything. Nobody wants me. And we believe it.

As opposed to what's really hard is to go taste rejection. I'm going to tell you something. When I was a kid, my dad, I remember my first job, he drove me to a McDonald's and sat in the car and said, go in there and turn your application in. I had to go ask for the application. This is going to freak out some young people. I had to go ask for it. They hand it to you. And then I go sit in the corner. My dad gave me a pen. I filled it out, had to walk back up and interrupt the manager who's busy trying to fill a, you know, a large fry order. And you're standing over there, but it's those kinds of things that, yes, it was terrifying for me. And I'm an outgoing extroverted guy, but still. I mean, when you're four years old, that's hard. It's true. I was young, but you know, the idea is, is that you have got, let me tell you, let me just say this. The most underrated, underused question in the world is, would you help me? And here's what I found about successful people. Most anybody will. Just about everybody

does. Successful people who have been helped by the way uh they they want they say this come on in the water's nice sure i'll have plenty of room for everyone you have got to ask which means you've got to be okay here and no success is not a fixed pie there's a lot of room for all of us come on in i'll help it's your classic story of the turtle yeah turtle on a fence post one thing you know if you see a turtle on a fence post two things you know one is it's a curious sight and two is the boy didn't get there by himself and it's so rich are you a turtle on a fence post most successful people feel like they're a turtle on a fence post they know they didn't get there by themselves yep and so they're willing to help they're willing to do that so it's um yeah and if i can't help i'll send you to somebody that can't

that's right and in one of them i will help you by giving you an instant no on an email. That's right. I'll just say no. And I just feel like there's some people out there who are watching and listening today, you need to hear this. I'm going to share this. Years ago, I had the opportunity to interview Soledad O'Brien. She was at CNN at the time, and I was asking her about her journey starting from scratch

in media. And she said something, a producer pulled me aside one day. She goes, I was in a heap. I had asked for a role in Anchor. They told me no. And she was just devastated. And she said the producer pulled her aside and said, listen, you need to start turning no's into not yet or not here and stop looking at it as finality. And the word no, when we don't even get crickets back. You remember when we were kids, we'd write the little note, do you like me, yes, no, or maybe? What's weird about that is the maybe was more excruciating for me

than the yes or no, because at least I knew where I stood, right? I can move on. And so we treat no's in the form of no reply to a job application. We treat no's in the form of I interviewed, I thought I did well, but I got beat out. And we treat that as this final period end of statement. And I can tell you, Dave knows my story. I heard no from Ramsey leaders three years before I actually came here. And it wasn't a no, it was a not yet turned out. I didn't know that at the time. We weren't in a position to handle a thoroughbred like you. Well, I don't know about that.

It took a little while. No, I think you had to find a program. It took a little while to get ready. We had to get a really good saddle and bridle. So, yeah. But you get that. We got to start. Well, no is not final.

That's exactly. It's true, though. We didn't hire him for a while. It's not now, right? Yeah, that's exactly right. It's just, it's a matter, well, or not here. Not here. So what do we do?

Somewhere else. We keep moving. Somewhere else. Keep moving. The guy that turned down the book Financial Peace, one of my best friends. Yeah. Sold 3.2 million copies now. Oops.

He's still in publishing and I'm still an author. But that deal never happened. This is The Ramsey Show. Ken Coleman, Ramsey personality, is my co-host. All right, one last thing on that, and then I'm going to move on, because one of our team members working in the lobby mentioned this to me at the break. You know, I'm saying that we've got a couple of generations now that have grown up with a magic wand in their hand, and they have learned to think Facebook friends are real friends, which is a lie,

or break up over text, and that there's a stunted growth associated with a digital level of communication versus a personal level, a relational level of communication. I'm not making that statement and to her point she corrected me and i appreciate her doing that uh to her point it's not a a a generation wide malady but it is not a uh and so there's plenty of millennials that know how to do relationships that's not my point other than digital right there's plenty of gen x or gen z's that know how to do relationals but you guys have learned how to to make almost that's your default mechanism and if you don't watch you'll fall into that is my point because our generation we didn't have that i mean our phones

were connected to the wall it's so true and so we you couldn't you had to kind of go around the corner to talk to your girlfriend and your sister not here at the dinner table. You know what I mean? How long a cord could you get on this thing? And so, you know, it was a different type, a different situation with communication. And we didn't fall prey to, we didn't have the option of doing something stupid that goes viral and stays on your digital tattoo the rest of your life. So we didn't have that disadvantage either.

But we didn't have the advantage of any question you ever want answered in the world is at your fingertips. And 30 seconds later, you can have the answer hypothetically correct, depending on whether Google likes your algorithm search or not. But anyway, but conceptually, you know, it's a wonderful piece of technology. It is. And all millennials and all Zs are not stunted. I want to make sure I'm not. Because I was not saying that, but I'm saying you can fall into that

if you're in those categories, so be careful. All right. Helen is in Vancouver. Hi, Helen. Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thank you for Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thank you for having me. Sure.

What's up? So I want to know, do I have a moral obligation to financially support my sibling who is likely over $250,000 in debt? No. You don't have a moral obligation to financially support your siblings period under any circumstances it's it's um i understand that but i have very limited family and i'm actually worried for her health but i that's that's sweet and you love her but that's different than a moral obligation

i love my sister and i want to but that's different than a moral obligation. I love my sister, and I want to help her is different than a moral obligation. Okay, so let's phrase it that way. Is there a way I can help her that protects me? Sure, sure. Unless you want to give her $250,000 to pay it off, then you've got to coach her and be her cheerleader to give her some instruction and some encouragement to work her way through

this. You're her biggest fan. You're her biggest cheerleader. She'll never work her way through. Yes, she will. Her net income is $50,000. Well, change her income. What's her $250,000 in debt for?

Living large. What's her $250,000 in debt for? Living large. What's it owed on? Pardon me? What does she owe the money on? Well, the primary is a line of credit that I think she's put onto her mortgage and then her mortgage. Okay. She doesn't even know. She doesn't think that she can actually. Okay, so how much is her mortgage? What's her mortgage and then her mortgage. Okay. She doesn't even know that. She didn't think that she can actually...

Okay, so how much is her mortgage? What's her mortgage balance? I would say probably... The grand sum I know is like $250 plus. Okay, and what's the house worth? I think it was all lumped together. What's the house worth? House is probably worth $600.

Sell it. Boom, she's out of debt. That's what I think, but... No, she's out of debt. That's what I think. No, she's out of debt. She doesn't need help. She just needs somebody to go, if you want to be out of debt, I can tell you how to do it. Sell your house. And you've got, what, $350,000 left over?

You can survive in Vancouver on $350,000. Well, that's because she has equity in it. I don't even know that. Yeah. Pardon me. Well, you're dealing with a bunch of unknowns and a vague set of worries and a whiny sister when she won't deal with her issues. Her issues are she's spending like she's in Congress. Yeah, and Helen, twice on this call.

And she's living for today, not worrying about tomorrow. Yeah, you can't make somebody grow up. That's up to them. Helen, I've heard twice on this call you begin for today, not worrying about tomorrow. Yeah, you can't make somebody grow up. That's up to them. Helen, I've heard twice on this call you begin to make excuses for her. And I think there's a bit of guilt. I think you started this call with a sense of guilt. There is guilt because I'm financially secure. Wait a second.

But you didn't cause her to be insecure. What are you guilty of? I hear you, but I'm in the helping field that's kind of where i come so am i it's like it's been every day of my life helping would it be a good investment for me to buy the property or rent it to no okay the last thing you need to do is get involved in this woman's finances she's an absolute out of control car wreck yeah you need to stand back and just watch the car wreck and say darling if you will turn left you will not wreck the car stop turning right and pushing

on the gas slow your butt down turn left sell the house and get you get your act together but she doesn't want to get her act together. You want her to grow up more than she wants to grow up. Probably true, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's a step lower. I think it's lower, deeper. I think you want to protect her from the car wreck.

You see it coming, and you feel like it's your obligation. Yeah, of course, right? That's what's all over you. You have guilt all over you. It's your responsibility to stop the car wreck because you know it's all over you you have guilt all over you like like you it's your responsibility to stop the car wreck because you know it's coming and i get that but i don't think you can but people you love all you can do is say hey you know what i've learned is that when i do this i get pain and when i do this i get joy and so i'm going to recommend the joy actions and

behaviors not the pain actions and behaviors. And I love you, and I wish you'd do that, but I can't make you do it, and I can't do it for you. And so you're not in the helping business, I hope, very deeply, because you have the language of an enabler, and you don't want to start doing that. Well, I haven't given her money. Good.

Good, but you're about to if if at all no i said if i would give you money it wouldn't be a gift it'd be a loan and don't do that what do you want to be a creditor to this woman for yeah she's not dependable it's like throwing a rock to somebody who's drowning don't loan her any money again you're trying to help something that can't be helped yeah if she wants to make positive steps in a right direction and you can do things to encourage her and cheer her on even even if you matched some of her debt reduction and you said hey if you pay off ten thousand dollars worth of debt i'll put in ten thousand dollars towards it but if you just start loaning her money or giving her money and she

keeps on the same behavior pattern that money went down a rat hole yeah so you're not really helping you're just enabling when you do that you're giving a drunk a drink that's what i'm trying to avoid yeah just so don't don't get involved unless she's unless you can assist her moving in a positive direction that she has chosen to move in. She might have chosen because you talked to her about it, because you love her, you confronted her, all those kinds of things. But you have no moral obligation, no obligation of love to give a drunk a drink. As a matter of fact, there's quite the contrary. Your love obligates you to not give a drunk a drink as a matter of fact there's quite the contrary you your love obligates you to

not give a drunk a drink i mean i've got i've got a friend who's been dry 12 years the last thing i'm doing is taking him to a bar absolutely i love him i'm not taking him there and so even if he wanted to go i wouldn't take him there and he doesn't want to go so i'm not going to put him in a position where he's going to be in trouble so helen you gotta just uh if he wanted to go, I wouldn't take him there. And he doesn't want to go. So I'm not going to put him in a position where he's going to be in trouble. So, Helen, you got to just, if you want to sit down and talk to her and say, I'll help you if you start doing some things that are positive. I'm scared for you. I love you.

I think you're getting ready to crash, and I'm really worried about you. But you can't make other people stop doing stupid stuff if you could this show would have been over 30 years ago but instead it grows in popularity every year it's true we're like the crispy cream store we just keep making the donuts same same recipe hot lights on hot now same question same advice it's just rolling off the track there whole another generation here doing the same stuff and they got more sophisticated tools for their stupid that's great oh helen you're a sweet lady you're kind be kind to her but uh you're not responsible for it. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time.