The Ramsey Show - App - Short-Term Sacrifice Will Yield Long-Term Results (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 1, 2020

Debt, Education, Relationships, Retirement, Budgeting Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/31ricKt  Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/2QEyonc Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/2JgzaQR

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I am Dave Ramsey, your host, our co-host today here on the air, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, Chris Hogan joins me. Open phones as we talk to you about your life and your money. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Alexandra is in Stamford, Connecticut. Hi, Alexandra. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Chris. Thank you guys so much for taking my call. Sure. So I am a junior in college studying computer science at an Ivy League, so I am $115,743 in debt. So $22,000 is federal loans, and the rest is a Parent PLUS loan from my mom. So my parents are immigrants from Cameroon. So I was born and raised here in Connecticut. And I really want to work before I get my master's because I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to another Ivy.

And I don't really know how to explain to them that because I don't want to be like a shame. You know, everyone keeps saying like, oh, when you leave school, you're not going to want to come back. But it's like student loans are normal for everybody, right? Because it's like at the end of the day, if you have like an Ivy League, that means that you've just made it, especially when your parents have been through so much in their other country. Okay. So what do you think I should do?

How can we help you? What's your question? Yeah, so I just want to know like how I can explain to my family that I want to work instead of go to school. Well, your family, it sounds like are not only extremely proud of you for going to school, but also going to an Ivy League school because they're first generation immigrants to America, correct? Right. And not only are they proud of you going to school, they're proud of you going to that school. And they place a lot of value, as you do, based on your language that you used, on Ivy League.

And so the point is, is they're heavily invested emotionally in this whole process. So I don't think there are words that you're going to say that are going to change that. Okay. In other words, I think that you need to be prepared to go, Mom and Dad, I love you, and I understand why this is so important to you, but it's important to me to get out into the workplace, and I'll finish up my master's in an adult program, maybe even not in an Ivy. Because in your world, in the IT world,

a master's degree is not necessary for success. Right, right. And the master's degree from Ivy League is sure as crud not necessary for success in your world. Got tons of people who did not graduate from college making $200,000 a year working for me in technology, and they don't even have a college degree. Right. And if they do, I sure didn't look to see if they went to an Ivy. I looked to see if they could fix a freaking computer or make it be coded. That's all I wanted them to do.

Right. And I'm the employer. Yeah, Alexandra, it's going to be a matter of having a reset for them. You know, I love the fact that you know exactly how much student loan debt you have. And I would love for you to spend some time to educate them on what's it going to look like for you to try to chop that down. How hard are you going to have to work? What's it going to take? And so you give them a good opportunity to have this learning experience.

But I wouldn't be asking. I would be stating. Mama Hogan told me something. I was 16 and I told her I was going to use her car. And she looked at me and she said, bless your heart. And I knew what that meant. I was about to go night-night. I was about to fall down because she owned the car. I couldn't show her. And so what I'm telling you is, as to use one of her phrases, I'm not debating, I'm stating. And I don't want you to go in with your parents to try to debate this, but help them to understand and then state for them that they need to, what you've raised them, they've raised you to be a smart, independent, thinking person, and it's time for you to get to work to chop this debt down out of your life, and you're going to look at adding school later on when you can cash flow it. If it is needed for your success.

You do not go get an Ivy League master's degree for no freaking reason if it is not needed for your career path because that's a lot of money. Yeah, well, I want to go into robotics. Do what? Yeah. I want to go into robotics. Robotics. Yeah, and you think everybody in robotics has a master's from an Ivy League?

Wrong answer. They don't. They are spatially gifted. They can see things in 3D in their head, and they've taken that natural gifting, and they move into that field, and they apply technology to it. And I've got friends that own robotics companies. And so, again, it's not, you know, I think you're in a particular world that has told you a particular narrative and script that out here in the real world you might find not to be true. So I'm not saying you can't go back or that you'd be dumb to go back and get your master's at an Ivy League in technology. I think that when you get out here and you figure out that it's not necessary for you to be successful in your career field,

you may choose to go back or you may not choose to go back. Anyway, back to your parents. Here's what I would tell you. You always start with someone who's been a blessing to you, reminding them that they have. Mom and Dad, I am so grateful. You are incredible superstars. You have set the table for our family to win. You've gone through such hard times and gone through such sacrifice to get us these opportunities, and I don't take that lightly. I also know that this education and me

getting it is very important to you to feel like your sacrifice was worth it. And I want to tell you it was worth it. And I'm going to prove to you that it was worth it. I have made the decision, though, that I am not going to continue and get my master's until I get into the workplace and chop the student loan down because it's starting to overwhelm me and it's starting to become emotionally a burden to me. That's a lot of money and I need to get rid of that. And then I will return and get my master's if I need to in order to win in my career field. And it's just a matter of stating gratitude, humility. And then as Hogan said, we're not opening up, you're not asking their opinion, you're telling them you're not coming back for a master's and that's you know that's

what you need to do in this situation and so there's lots of people you can be kind to but that don't have a vote yes that's so true and you could hear dave even as you were talking to her in her mind they've ingrained in her she needs that master's well she believes and she believes it and so hearing that and hopefully her cracking the door and realizing that, hey, we're only telling you what we know out here in the real world. And you've got a great opportunity as you move forward, young lady. Keep your head up. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff you're going to be able to do. You're obviously very smart and you're obviously intellectually bright and you're obviously, you know, again i i'll just tell you the the statistics on families like yours are very very good on your probability of success matter of fact folks if you didn't know this um we're gonna do a

millionaire theme hour later today chris and i will and if you immigrate to this country legally from another country you are four times more likely to become a millionaire than one of us that was born here. Whoa. Because the Statue of Liberty means something. Yeah. Freedom, the free enterprise system, the freedom to choose to save, sacrifice, and invest means something different than one of us that grew up in suburbia playing Atari, watching Mayberry reruns. And so it's just a different thing.

It is a different mindset. Everybody can do it, but you're in a good situation there, young lady. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. The very last thing Christmas should give you is stress. So our famous $10 sale is going digital. For a limited time only, you can instantly get our most popular audio books and e-books, all for just $10 or less. Get my number one best-selling audio book, The Total Money Makeover, read by me. If you're serious about getting your money in order for 2021, The Total Money Makeover is a must-have.

Plus, it makes the perfect gift. Or learn what it takes to build wealth with our Everyday Millionaires e-have. Plus, it makes the perfect gift. Or learn what it takes to build wealth with our Everyday Millionaires e-book. And as a bonus, for the first time, we're adding Debt-Free Degree and our latest audiobook, Redefining Anxiety, by Dr. John Deloney, to our new digital $10 sale. It's not too late to invest in yourself or a friend this year. Skip the lines and shipping delays and shop our new digital $10 sale at our online store at DaveRamsey.com today. Or call the Ramsey Concierge team at 888-22-PEACE. Chris Hogan, Ramsey Personality No. 1 bestselling author, is my co-host today here on the show. We're taking your calls about your life and your money.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Katie is with us in Austin, Texas. Hi, Katie. How are you? Hi, Dave and Chris. I'm doing well. How are y'all today?

Better than we deserve. What's up in your world? Wonderful. Well, I had a quick question for you. My husband and I have a smaller portion of our retirement savings in a traditional IRA. And I'm curious if we need or if it's important to try to convert that over to a Roth IRA. And if so, do you recommend doing it all at one time, kind of spreading it out over the years, and would you prioritize, you know, the money that we would have to pay for taxes for this before paying off of our house?

How much is in it? $173,000. Okay. I would do it after you pay off your house. Okay. And then you would just look at it and consider whether or not it's going to make sense. How old are you guys? 40. Okay. When do you project to have the home paid for? and then you would just look at it and consider whether or not it's going to make sense. How old are you guys? Forty.

Okay. When do you project to have the home paid for? May of next year. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. That's a no-brainer there. Yeah, because here's the thing. Basically, we're creating a tax bill of about $40,000 or $50,000 when we convert this, right?

Yes. And that's $40,000 or $50,000 that keeps you from paying off your house. And so I'm going to get the house paid off, and then that's going to be one of the last things I do. That is actually the order I personally did it in. I had an accumulation of miscellaneous IRAs and some SEP IRAs from the early days of this business that were traditional. I converted them all to Roth, but it was after I was debt-free

and after I was ready to do some additional investing in Baby Step 7. Chris, and that's generally what we do. Yeah, absolutely it is. And Katie, I'm proud of you guys. How much would you say you all have put away for retirement all total? Well, in our Roth and 401K, which is also a Roth, we have about $755,000 and then about $100,000 in real estate. Way to go.

That's fantastic. I mean, you guys are just knocking on the door of being everyday millionaires. We are so close. Seriously. And Katie, I'm curious. Did you come from money or are you a first generation wealth builder? First generation. Are you really? That, or are you a first-generation wealth builder? First generation. Are you really?

That's amazing. I love to hear that. So who got on this path first, you or your husband? You know, both of us, we both have a financial background. We both had parents who were very much about saving money for a rainy day, and so they taught us well growing up. And so since we got married, we just socked away money as much as we could. That's amazing. Well, keep stay focused. And as Dave

said, attack the house, get that out of your life. Then you can look at converting because think about it, that mortgage payment is going to be freed up. And then you guys need to listen, I'm gonna get you a copy of my book, Everyday Millionaires, because the next phase for you all is working on that bridge account. And that's where you're starting to put some money away outside of retirement to prepare you for living your dreams early. So Kelly will get your information. I'm going to send you that book. And congratulations.

You guys are doing a fantastic job. Oh, thank you so much. You're very welcome. Way to go, Katie. Absolutely fabulous. See, did you hear that? She said her parents, his parents were savers. Talk to them about it.

They picked up the skill and they're doing it too. Parents, talk to your kids. So, yeah, maybe mom and dad, you've got a 16-year-old, 17-year-old, and maybe you talk to them. Even if you don't have any money, you can start to say, this is what could happen if you did this show. If you show a 17-year-old that has a little bit of a math inclination a um a compound interest chart yep usually their mind is blown i remember the first time i saw that i i just went there's a million dollars at the bottom of that i want that

and this is how you get it compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world well i use the car example for one of my boys who's extremely motivated. I got one that listens and one that hears. It's two different. And seeing that and working toward the car fund and, of course, the match and I do and all that, they're listening. They're listening. And so you've got to keep having the conversation. Remember, one conversation is an introduction.

Continue to have the talk. Yeah, over and over and over again. Just like you make sure they keep brushing their teeth. Brittany's in Houston, Texas. Hey, Brittany, how are you? Hi, Dave. Hi, Chris. I'm really honored to be able to pick your brains for a minute.

Cool. How can we help? My question is about our budget. So we've been Davish for a long time. My husband and I, we've been married 10 years. We have three kids. So Davis, I can say does not work. You probably have to be all in to really get the benefits. We were debt free a year ago and then my husband's truck got stolen. And we only have liability, no comprehensive, so no insurance payout on that.

And we decided to buy a minivan. And so now we have a car loan for the first time in a long time. We've had it for about a year and it feels kind of crushing. So we've decided to go into real Dave methods here and get started. But I'm looking at our budget and I want to know what is reasonable to keep in our budget, what makes sense for our family, and what do we have to cut and are we shooting ourselves in the foot by not going beans and rice, rice and beans all the way. What is your household income? My husband, he's a sole provider.

He's a first responder, so he works 84 to 96 hours a week, and he brings in a little over $5,000 a month. Okay, so $60,000 a year. And what do you owe on the van? We owe $24,000. Sell it. Okay. Stupid van. on the van um we owe 24 000 sell it okay stupid van yeah it did not bring you happiness the word you used was crushing the word you used was crushing when something is crushing me i try to get out from under it so that it doesn't crush me. Right.

That makes sense. Yes. That's not like the answer that feels fun, but that's probably the right answer for sure. But, Brittany, Brittany, it is not only the right answer, but more importantly, what are you going to do? You guys have been Davis, you said before. So what are you going to do? Are you tiptoeing around this thing, and is this van going to roll money out of your life every month, or are you going to take a stand? What are you going to do? Are you tiptoeing around this thing, and is this van going to roll money out of your life every month? Or are you going to take a stand?

What are you going to do? Take a stand. Take a stand. Listen, one of my favorite verses is, The blessings of the Lord have no sorrow added to them. This van, the way you described it, there's a lot of sorrow associated with it. You feel ashamed that you shouldn't have bought it. You feel regret that you did buy it.

You look at the math, and it makes you want to puke. It's crushing was the word you used. And so I think we can pretty clearly say this is not from God. It's not a blessing that god sent into your life and so let's pull it like it's a bad splinter in your finger and get your life back honey it's not gonna affect me you you get to do ramsey ish if you want to ramsey ish you know here's the thing it does not affect my personal trainer if I do 45 sit-ups with him and then I go eat a box of chocolate donuts.

It doesn't affect him. That's true. But I'm not following instructions, and I'm not going to get the results that he has. That's why I keep having a keg and he has a six-pack, you know, because I'm trainer-ish. Yeah. You have to do the thing you want that's going to get you to the thing you want you do you gotta you know it's um and you gotta you guys gotta look at that and decide it's up to you i'm not mad at you you do whatever you want to do but you said it's crushing

you and you know it's illogical to stay under something that is falling on your head. That's right. Somebody dropped that thing off a bridge, you would move. Move quickly. You wouldn't stand under it and get crushed by it. Not at all. And I know you said your husband's truck got stolen. Yeah, so what? So you guys are feeling all this.

But listen, don't bring that debt in your life. So what? Eject it. Yeah, and then sit down and do your budget. I'll tell you what. We'll put you in Ramsey Plus, and you guys get into Financial Peace University and get your budget going on every dollar, and you'll start to see the other areas that you can cut.

But, I mean, this is not a blessing. The blessings of the Lord have no sorrow added to them. If an item, a situation is giving you sorrow, then you know it wasn't from God. That's a good point. This is the Dave Ramsey personality, is my co-host today here on The Dave Ramsey Show. Open phones at 888-825-5225. One of our favorite things to do is to have someone do a debt-free scream. The only thing that's better is if they do a debt-free scream on the debt-free stage in the Ramsey Solutions Lobby.

The only thing better than that is if they're doing a debt-free scream on the debt-free stage in the Ramsey Solutions Lobby, and they're one of our Ramsey team members. Kiana, welcome! Hi, Dave. Kiana Hastings is a Ramsey Plus campaign marketer, works on the retention side or the acquisition side, meaning she's one of the people who gets you to come into Ramsey Plus, and her marketing prowess does that. How long have you been with us? About three years?

Yep, about three years. Well, welcome. Very cool. So how much debt has Kiana Hastings paid off? I paid off a little under $65,000 in 19 months. 55? 65. 65.

Get it right, Dave. In 19 months. I'm sorry. I'm a little, eh? What do you say? All right. And so, oh my gosh. And I won't ask your income because all your

team is standing around and that would be completely unfair. So we don't force our own team members to reveal their income in front of everybody else because half the dadgum building is here to cheer her on, which is awesome. And it looks like you've got some other cheerleaders with you. Who's this with you? I do. I have a few of my friends, my mom,

my aunt, one of my business partners, and my. I have a few of my friends, my mom, my aunt, one of my business partners, and my roommate, and then some of my best friends behind them. Very cool. Very cool. Awesome. So what kind of debt did you get yourself into, girl? It was all student loans. Student loans. You kicked old Sally Mae out. I did. I said goodbye. Give the old woman her eviction notice. 19 months. So you did this while you worked here? Yes. So I was working here. I took on a a few other jobs I realized early on that I either needed to make more or spend less and I really needed to do both um and so I've never had a problem making money it's the saving it and not buying clothes that are problem with so not buying clothes a very specific area of overspending okay

I like it it's a problem and so so I had almost seven jobs at that point. So I was working here. I started a business with Haley. We did wedding coordination. Wow. And then I did DoorDash and Shipt. I was babysitting. I worked for two wedding venues.

And so I did a little bit of everything to make some extra money. Knocked it out in 19 months. Yeah. So what was it that made you decide, okay, I'm going to go crazy? Because you went crazy. Yeah. So I was working here for about a year and a half. And before that, I did have two credit cards I paid off early on.

Because once I started here, of course, I took a few. And I actually took it twice. And then I led it twice. And in doing that, a friend of mine, Elizabeth, she posted on Facebook that she had paid off, I think, $36,000. And she was single. She was a teacher. And I was like, well, she can do it. I can do it. And so once I saw that, I reached out to her for a few things for the coordinator channel at the time. I was recruiting people to be FPU coordinators. And I reached out to her to just to hear a little bit more about her story. And she said, yeah, I just worked a lot and I cut my expenses more than half. And I was like,

I can do that. So I got a roommate. I got all these extra jobs and I really just went all in and at that point I was like okay I want to be done by the time I turn 30 and I'm 28 now and then I was like okay maybe I can do it by the end of 2020 and so I did it was it worth it absolutely because you've been working like a wild animal. Yeah. Seven jobs? Yeah. I mean, you're out of control. Goodness. Yeah, it was fun because I'm all the things that are wrong with people in debt.

I'm an Enneagram 7, so I love doing all the things all the time. I'm a free spirit. I'm a spender. So all the things that could be not in my favor were me. You needed to work here. Yeah. I needed it. Okay, so I've got to ask, are you still working the seven jobs?

Not as much. Okay. So our wedding business took off, so I'm still doing that, and I still work for the venues, but I'm not shifting and door dashing nearly as much. But I do know that taxes are coming up, and you have to make sure that I'm prepared for that as well. Wow. I've been setting money aside, but I want to make sure that I'm in the clear when it comes to the 1099s from DoorDash and Chipped and things like that.

Right. Yeah. Okay. So your stated day job is to market to folks, telling them that Ramsey Plus, Financial Peace University, this stuff works. Try it. And the oddity is that you weren't doing it completely, and then when you did it, you did it all in. So now you get to do some marketing.

You ready? I'm ready. What is it that you learn in this process in Ramsey Plus that you learned that caused you to be able to do this? What's the key to getting out of debt? I think there are a few things outside of budgeting, which I had not been doing at all. And then once I started budgeting, it really was freeing.

I thought, oh, wow, I have a lot more money than I thought I did. I was just spending it on clothes. So that was that. And then the biggest thing comes up a lot with you. It's a problem. I like to look cute. And so the biggest thing for me, I went to school at a private school, and so I had private school loans, and I went three times.

And this time I'm paying. I was also in school while I was doing all of that. And so I was paying for that. But the biggest thing I learned that helped me was I had to put my pride aside because my pride was getting in the way of my progress. And what I mean by that is I remember one of my coworkers, Matt, he was like, yeah, I'm doing DoorDash. And I was like, ew, I am not delivering groceries.

Like, I did not go to school all this time to deliver groceries or even still be babysitting at 28. And once I put my pride aside and I was like, Kiana, you're not too good to deliver groceries. You're not too good to deliver food. But you are too good to let this mountain of debt limit your future. And once I had that mindset, and it's a complete mindset shift that a lot of people, it takes a while, but once you get there, you have no choice but to go all in. Way to go. I'm proud of you.

Thanks. Well done. I'm sure your mom and your aunt and all those people are proud of you. Yeah, they're proud. They are probably more proud because, though, I'll stop talking about it as much. I remember there was a day we all went somewhere. You're not allowed to stop talking about it. It's like your job. It's what you do. They are literally, they're great friends because they, there was a running joke that you had to make plans with me two months

out and they did it and they stuck by me and they were some of my biggest cheerleaders. So it's funny. The other thing that I love to tell people is people, the same people that might judge you for doing these side jobs are the same people that will ask you how you did it when you're done. Yeah. So that's why I'm like, you know, and it's OK to slow down. Just don't quit. Because there were times where I was like, man, I'm tired of doing this. I'm tired of doing it.

I'm tired of working. But then that end goal of just realizing that short term sacrifice is going to yield long term results results. It's an incredible feeling. So when you start putting together a campaign and you're looking at ad copy, you're looking at the buys and whatever it is we're doing that you're in charge of to push Ramsey Plus out there, how does going through this personally change how you do that? I think it allows you to connect on a deeper level. It allows you to say, I know what they're feeling. I know what it feels like to think that it's never going to go away. And I thought that

I was working here and I still thought, man, I don't know if it's ever going to go away. And if you don't want it bad enough, it won't. It'll sit there and stare at you while you stare at it. And it really is just having that mindset shift and knowing. I got a feeling the copy she writes might be a little sassier now. It's going to be a little bit more aggressive. I think she might be sassy now. For sure. For real. Hey, Kiana, if you've got somebody out there right now whose pride is getting in the way of working some extra jobs, DoorDash, whatever it is, what are you going to tell them?

Give them some sass. I'm good at that. Let it out. I would just say just do it. And the only thing that's stopping you is what other people think about you. I'm telling you, the same people that are like, I don't know why she's doing that, those will be the same people that message you months later that's like, hey, just wanted to hear a little bit more about that financial peace thing you were talking about.

And I'm like, how much time do you have? That's so perfect. I love you. You're awesome. Congratulations. You are awesome. Seriously. This is so wonderful.

It's exactly how it works, too. It's that Toby Keith moment. How you like me now? Right. I love it. It's just so well done. So well done. So proud of you.

I'm sure you've got a copy of Chris's book, Everyday Millionaires. If you don't, we'll make sure you get another one or give you one to give away for Christmas. That is the next chapter in your story, without a doubt. 28 years old. You're on fire. You are on fire. And I think you've got room in your story, without a doubt. 28 years old, you're on fire. You are on fire. And I think you've got room in your budget for clothes now. I do!

I'm excited. That's the best part. All right, Kiana Hastings, one of our own marketers at Ramsey Plus, has been with us about three years. $65,000 paid off in 19 months. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. I'm debt-free!

And the crowd goes wild. I love it. That's fantastic. That's so fun. That is. That is so fun. I have a feeling she's already a little better at her position. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Whenever people do their debt-free screams, we always ask them what the key to making it happen was.

And just like with Kiana, they always say the budget. Because the budget puts you in control of every dollar you bring in every month. You tell your money where to go instead of wondering where it went. When you start a Ramsey Plus membership, you'll follow a step-by-step plan where you budget, you learn how to manage money the right way with Financial Peace University, and you get fired up as you make progress on your debt-free wealth-building journey. And this is why we include EveryDollar, the world's best budgeting tool, in your Ramsey Plus membership. You get custom reports on your spending habits, and you'll connect straight to your bank

so your transactions show up in your budget, making it easy to do, but it's the only way you win. And you can try it all free with a trial to Ramsey Plus. Don't wait another day. You can do exactly what Kiana did and start your free trial. Just text the word BEGIN to 33789. That's BEGIN. Text it to 33789. Open phones at 888-825-5225. My co-host today on the Dave Ramsey Show, Chris Hogan, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author. Caleb is with us in Chattanooga. Hi, Caleb. How are you? Hey, Dave and Chris.

Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? So I'm calling for some relationship advice. My girlfriend and I both graduated from college this past May. I'm now working as a registered nurse. I've been aggressively following the baby steps, paying off my state loans, which is my other debt, my only debt. My girlfriend, she is a graphic designer. She only has student loans for her debt.

However, she's not making too much in her current job. I'm calling today because I've been planning on proposing her in the coming months. And, you know, she's a great girl. She loves me. She loves the Lord even more. And I thought we were on the same page financially up until about a month and a half ago where her car had been giving her some problems and it was about time for her to replace it.

And kind of out of nowhere, blindsiding me, she went and got a three-year car lease, which, you know, is not preferable. And I understand I'm not her husband. I'm not supposed to be telling her I was spending her money. But this was a sign to me that we might not be on the same page financially. So I'm just looking for some advice today. Wow. Okay.

So you guys have been together how long, Caleb? Just over two years. Okay. Been you guys have been together how long, Caleb? Just over two years. Okay. Been together for two years. At any point in that time, outside of this car situation, has she indicated or shown you any reason you all weren't on the same page financially? Honestly, no. She really is thrifty with her money. Okay. Okay. thrifty with their money. I think one of the things that could have added on to this was just about a year and a half ago, I had a family member pass away, my grandmother, and she had recently got a rather newish car, not completely new,

and my grandfather left that to me after. So I think in her mind, seeing a newer car kind of incentivize her to kind of pursue a newer car rather than like a beater. I understand. Well, I mean, and what I was going back to was that there was not a history of her doing crazy things financially. But I think, you know, as you can obviously hear in your voice, this has bothered you and it's affecting you. I think it is important to sit down and talk to make sure that you guys are going to be on the same page before you move forward with any kind of engagement. And if there was a history of this, you know, where she was constantly doing stuff, then I would tell you you might need to readjust.

But if this car situation is the only thing, it'd be a matter of sitting down and really getting on the same page financially and really gaining an understanding of how you're going to handle money moving forward yeah so you know there's a couple ways to go at it caleb um one is you might even get some pre-engagement counseling where the two of you sit down and say you know i think this is going towards marriage and we need to get some pre engagement counseling. Um, but you know, whether you do that or not, um, number one cause of divorce, number one cause of fights in marriage is money. And you've already identified that this is a rough spot. Um, and so, you know, maybe the conversation sounds like, um, I I'm, you know, I think this relationship is getting really, really serious, and it looks like it's progressing towards other things. And so given that the number—this is you talking to her—given that the number one cause of marital problems ending in divorce sometimes is money problems and money fights, you and I are going to have to agree to be on the same page

for us to continue to go forward. Because if we can't get on the same page, we're setting ourselves up for failure. Yeah. And we need to be on the same page. And here's what the same page sounds like. You leasing a car was stupid. Now, you don't say it exactly that way,

but somehow you've got to get that out there on the table. And she's got to own that it was a bad idea. Yeah, you know, the day she actually signed the lease, she told me after, it completely blindsided me. Yeah, which if she's as serious about this relationship as you are, that's almost like lying. Yeah, I could tell she wasn't exactly excited on telling me because that same week I had been, you know,

sending her some videos from her show, and he was talking about car leases, why it's not the best idea. So, yeah. Yeah, this is a problem, dude. Because, I mean, it is only one time, to Chris's point, but you're very wise to recognize that you're not in agreement on this, and getting in agreement on this is, if I'm in your shoes, not because I'm Dave Ramsey, but just because it's the number one cause of problems,

why not get rid of the number one cause of problems before you go forward? Or you say, I'm going to enter a marriage where the number one cause of problems is going to exist. And that's kind of a dumb path. You know? So, I mean, it's not going to be perfect ever. Sharon and I don't always agree. We've been married 38 years. I mean, sometimes she has to tell me when I'm right.

But, you know, or when I'm not more often. But anyway, so, you know, you guys need to get on. You need to somehow get this out on the table that us being on the same page going forward is a deal breaker. Because it's a deal breaker, not because you're being a butt and not because you're trying to be legalistic. Right. Because not being on the same page is going to cause constant freaking strife. Yep. Yep. You know, and so that's what you've got to deal with.

But, yeah, some good communication, and it wouldn't hurt to have a counselor help you do it but um but yeah this for you for you is a major problem and it's wise to recognize since it is the number one thing talk about it number one thing yeah and i would hold off on doing anything and advancing the relationship until you felt really good and clear about how you guys are going to proceed moving forward you need to have she look you in the eye and y'all are in agreement. Yeah. I mean, and if that takes another six months, it takes another six months. That's right.

Or if it takes another six months. But good pre-marriage counseling, even when engaged, good pre-marriage counseling will sometimes prevent a couple from getting married. Yeah, it will. Absolutely, it will. And that's what it's all about. You need to, you know, somebody that just, uh, checks boxes in your pre-marriage counseling is a bad idea. There's, I have very high correlation of successful

marriage and in-depth detailed pre-marriage counseling. All three of my kids did in-depth pre-marriage counseling. And it was about the only thing I insisted on. I didn't even insist on financial peace university, but I just said, guys, there's just so much, you know, number one, you're freaking my kid, which sets you up for weirdness to start with, with the prosperity and with the spotlight, both. And, you know, and the fact that I'm kind of a weak and withdrawn personality. And so that makes it hard for our kids because they don't know where I stand on things. So weak. They just don't know what my opinion is about anything.

You're so docile. I'm kind of a wallflower. Yeah, I know, Dave. Jiminy Christmas. But, I mean, can you imagine the nightmare it is to be my kid? No. Shut up. Or can you imagine the nightmare of the son-in-law, the boy trying to date, or the girl?

That's intimidating. Yeah. And so you need to go ahead and get all that stuff flushed out ahead of time. And that's true in anybody's life. Sometimes our situation magnified the impact of it. But all three of our kids will tell you it's the best thing they did before getting married. Caleb, I'm proud of you, buddy. Thanks for reaching out.

Amen. Seriously. It'll be okay, but deal with it you, buddy. Thanks for reaching out. Amen. Seriously. I'm going to be okay, but deal with it, dude. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey guys, this is Kelly, associate producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. Did you know over 16 million people listen to The Dave Ramsey Show every week? And a lot of those people listen on one of our 600-plus radio stations across the country.

To find a station near you, head to DaveRamsey.com slash show.