The Ramsey Show - App - Should I Wait To Pay Off My House? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Open phones this hour as we talk about your life and your money. It's a free call, and some say the advice is worth exactly what you pay for it. The number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Dr. John Deloney, number one best-selling author, Ramsey personality, and host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, a very, very popular podcast on the Ramsey Networks, is my co-host today. So we're going to be talking with you.

Again, 888-825-5225. Ben's in Salt Lake City. Hey, Ben, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Ben. Sorry, hey, Dave and John. Thank you for your time today. Sure. How can we help? Sure.

Hey, so I'll just try to skim over the top real quick. I am a full-time single dad, and I was on baby step two when I got sued by my ex for custody. And so I put everything on hold, been trying to cash flow through the process that started back in September. And I'm basically starting to run out of money. And I know there's a lot more expenses coming up. I'm looking for a way to be able to do that because I don't want to lose my son. And, um, uh, I'm, I'm trying to decide whether to take a loan or, or if I, if I can go on anymore, you know what I mean? So. What's the basis of the custody suit? She just, so she was on the other side of the country and she just wants to basically flip it. She said he's not, you know, been treated well and he's struggling and things like that, but he's doing very well with friends in school,

and he's being taken care of. So that's her argument for it, but her attitude is basically she's going to – we've tried to work it out outside of court, but nothing – I would be very surprised if she changed her mind on that. Man, I'm sorry. How long have you been divorced? It's been about three and a half years. Where did she get unlimited money?

Her new partner is very wealthy. Okay. And I think that's where a lot of it stems from is the pressure from her new partner because it's kind of out of character for her to really go for this. Okay. Well, here's the thing. How much are you talking about borrowing? About $15,000.

What happens when that runs out well i've had a family member um say that they would uh give me a loan but uh like you say thanksgiving what happens when that runs out yeah i don't know so we really have to address this issue because all you're doing uh it's not like you're going to win all of a sudden with 15 000 more or if you take out another 10 000 from a relative after that at the end of that it's not necessarily like you're going to win so it's not it's not a i'm going to lose custody if i don't take out a loan. It's I don't have a good strategy to end this. If you could tell me that you could take out a $15,000 loan and 100% beat her and it's over,

you know, I'm not going to tell you to choose your kid over, you know, getting in debt. I don't borrow money. I find a way around it. But what's happening here is that borrowing money is allowing you to continue in a process that's not got an end to it, because the party on the other side's got unlimited funds. Right? Yeah. So if you can get some kind of assurance from an attorney that this is going to draw to a close, there's one more course of action. It's about this many hours, and we're going to be able to wrap this up. That's one discussion.

I'm just going to keep fighting until I run out of loans and they never run out of money. That's not a process that's good for you or anybody, except the lawyers. It's good for them. Have you tried to roll this into mediation? And the reason I asked you why she was suing you, because outside of some egregious abuse or something else, these things are often handled offline in mediation, which has an end point and a dollar

amount attached to it. Yeah, we, I talked to her about that about a month ago and uh and she gave me um she just basically um told me what she would be willing to do and it's um you know it's that the that the custody would would switch over and yeah but i mean that's the point of going going through the mediation is one side says this is all i'm going to do and the other side says this is all i'm going to do and the mediator's job is to bring people together. In following up what Dave said, the reason I would push for that is because there's some finality to it. There's a period at the end of that sentence. It just doesn't go on and on and on and on.

Where is it being heard, in Utah or in her state? In my state. Okay. All right. Ask your attorney about bringing this to a close and how have you been funding it so far what do you make a year about 40,000 okay and you've just been funding it out of cash flow yeah and um so you're out of money. Why? I mean, if it were to just continue with all this pre-court stuff, then I could keep going.

But I asked my lawyer about how much for the rest of it, and he said if we go all the way through, he thinks about $15,000. Oh, he thinks that's going all the way through. Okay. Yeah. Which we have a court date and everything set. So, okay. Um, then what I'm going to do is take six jobs and work through the 15,000 if that's

it. Cause that's doable. Okay. I've, yeah, I've, I've, I've've wanted to i've wanted to do that um the reason why i haven't done that is because uh i also am a student and um to to just help me not anymore not anymore take some time off from being a student right now you're you're fighting a battle for one thing so now what we're saying is we're going to borrow money so we can stay in school indirectly and we're definitely not doing that so someone is

trying to take your son yeah that's way more important than being a student and um avoiding debt is more important than staying being a student i also think it's it will it could i don't say will it could serve you in court to say, I had to stop doing these things because this person is dragging me and my child through the mud. And so I had to stop going to school. I had to stop doing this and take more work on to fund these accusations or this attempt to take my child from me. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep that from happening. Yeah. And lean in on your lawyer and say, I'm a guy who makes $40,000.

I don't have $15,000 growing on trees. Let's figure out what we can do to clip that. That's a little rich. So, you know, just fulfilling your lawyer's dreams is not one of my dreams. So. Oh, that's awful, Ben. I'm so sorry to hear Your face is sick for you.

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Okay. No way. Baby step six, we would tell you to keep living your life and with money you find in your budget you would pay extra on your house uh it sounds like this job thing's got you rattled how long you been working there well it's my company so for 20 years. And I have a business partner. Okay. So you're not going to lose your job. You might lose your business is what you're saying.

Yes. If one of us doesn't leave and I'm the main contributor and it's not enough to support both of us. So slowly, um, my income has gone way down to a point where I can't really afford not to leave and he's not leaving. So I'm going to look for something different. What do you do? It's a marketing company. Okay.

Are you married to your business partner? No, no, but I am divorced. Did you used to be married to your business partner? I'm sorry? Did you used to be married to your business partner? No, no. Okay. So how is your business partner squashing your ability to earn a living?

Because he's not contributing and we're 50-50 partners. So he's not bringing in his side of the business, yet he's taking half of what you bring in. And since he's not bringing any in, the total pie has shrunk. What keeps you from closing the doors and opening a door next door and just doing this on your own and making all the money? Our partnership agreement, I basically wouldn't be able to do that. You have to buy out. In order to get out, you have to buy out.

No, he'd have to buy you out if you want it out that's not how our partnership agreement is structured our apartment a partnership agreement is structured that if you leave um you buy your clients if you were to take them but i'm looking to get out of this industry altogether and start just a whole different chapter. Okay. So what are you going to do and what are you going to be making? Well, I'm looking right now, but I'm hoping to manage a team of people and be in sales, and I'm looking at around $200 to $350. Okay, so this sounds like it didn't just suddenly occur. It's crept up on you, and you've put off making the decision. Correct.

You've delayed. And so what you need to do is not worry about your house and not worry about your tithe you need to get on the phone today and get a freaking job chris it's time to do this painter get off the ladder today yeah you you you're you're a year at least maybe six months late on someone kicking you and i'm going to kick you right now because I love you. Get going. I'm probably about five years to ten years later.

Then somebody needs to break the fog up. So I'm your guy. I love you enough. Okay. Get going, girl. Okay. You're too sharp to be this dumb. Get going.

Get going. Let's go. I want you to have this done by the end of April. A new job and say bye-bye april yep you got a month i got it i'm in the list i got my resume ready to you need to call me back on the air and tell me you did it i'm going to hold you accountable okay okay and you need to call, who is your best girlfriend that's mean? Say it. Say her name.

Say her name. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. I don't have any. Okay, what about your sister? Is she mean? No. I want somebody mean.

I want you to call them and tell them to call you and kick you if you don't do this. I want you to declare to the world, it's time for you to roar again, Chris. You're meowing. Yeah, I understand. And you are not a kitten. You are a lioness. Am I wrong? Understood.

This thing was built up by a woman. And I am a Leo. This whole thing was built up by a woman of substance whole thing was built up by a woman of substance. This was built by a woman of substance. And yet you have, for some reason, you have watched this thing deteriorate and your life with it to the point. Now you're going, I don't know if I need to pay for groceries. No, you need to get a freaking job. I know.

This is what's going on. Yeah. Go get that. And all of these other questions go away don't they you're 100 right ding ding that's why i'm here and if you if hey something i don't hear at home very often you keep answering questions like this you're gonna turn this into a job yeah we get so we get so stuck in just the day to the day that sometimes it just takes someone looking at you be like what are you doing you can solve all of it all of it just get trapped

but you you do need you really need people in your life in your community that are that love you enough to go uh i'm watching you do nothing and i'm tired of it there's that famous uh psychological study where they took the dogs and you couldn't do this study now but they shocked them and um they they didn't give them an opportunity to escape and they had other dogs that they would shock that they would allow to escape and over time they would take the barriers off the dogs that they were shocking the dogs just took it it was just learned helplessness this is the way this is going to be and it just you need somebody to go hey go go you can run and run away then they take off right just got to get somebody to look at you that's the fun thing so yeah um we all need that though because what the the fastest way i mean

that's classic uh frog in a kettle thing i mean that's the way to boil a frog is turned up one degree at a time just a little bit of time gradual gradual five years this has been deteriorating and then you look up and you go wait a minute i'm boiling over here yeah and this guy's doing nothing and still collecting half the because i'm trying because i'm trapped in a really stupid partnership agreement hey i hear this happen a lot. People have an imaginary amount of money they're going to make when they leave their job. How tightly do you tell somebody to hold on to that versus get something and then begin to maneuver? In this one, get something and then begin to maneuver.

Yeah. But 250 and three, just like I've been doing this job for 20 years, I'm just going to transition. She might. She might. She might. She might. I mean, in this current environment where there's such a shortage of high quality white collar people, I mean, yeah.

She might. I don't know what her skill set is. But urgency is one of them. We've got to add back to it. There we go. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today in the lobby of Ramsey

Solutions on the debt-free stage. Andrew is with us. Hey, Andrew, how are you? Hi, Dave and John. How are you doing? Better than we deserve, brother. Where do you live? Keokuk, Iowa. All right. Very good. And how much debt have you paid off, sir? $303,000. Whoa.

How long did this take? 49 months. Good for you. And your range of income during that four years? $37,500 up to $88,500. And I was also doing a part-time job taking about $15,000 a year home. Good for you. What was your part-time gig?

Working at a gas station quick trip a uh local uh chain in wisconsin minnesota and iowa working a lot then uh yeah every holiday yeah uh every evening every weekend wow and what do you do for a living day job uh well actually i'm a uh quality control scientist but right as i finished uh my dad i was, I was laid off. So still looking for a new job there, but in quality control. But now you're $303,000 less weight to carry. Exactly, yep. Good for you. Well done.

What kind of debt was that? $93,000 in student loans, $28,000 for a home improvement, $22,000 for a car, $10,000 in credit card, and then $150,000 for a house. Dude, your debt-free house and everything? 000 for a house dude you're debt-free house and everything uh i sold the house but uh to push it off so wow look at you well done well done so you're homeless but you're debt-free we're renting now so okay that's all right that's all right you're in a really really good good place. Congratulations. Well, thank you. How does it feel? It feels great.

It's amazing. Well, you got wired up about four years ago. What happened? What got you started on this Ramsey stuff? I just moved up to Wisconsin in Edgerton, Wisconsin, just outside of Madison. I moved back to Iowa last November. I was sitting there looking at all my debts, and I was like, well, this is going to take me 30, 40 years, and had to come up with something.

And your book was on my shelf. I picked it up, started reading it again. I just remember always seeing you on Fox Business and stuff like that. uh just got the fire lit so the world's the world's largest uh coaster was on the on the coffee table yep yep again we're just waiting for years for you to open it and do it yep so uh you reached kind of a moment that night didn't you yeah i reached uh definitely reached and i had a moment and uh just look at it and i was like, you know, this isn't a good life. I was just, my mortgage was probably 40% of my payment of my income and just couldn't get there. So had to clear it up. And that's why I got the part-time job because I said I needed an extra thousand a month. Dude, I say this with all due respect.

You've never made a ton of money. Yep. And we hear people all the time with half or less of this amount of debt making six figures, making $100,000 and say, I can't do it. I can't figure out how to do it. And you're making $375,000 to $88,000. It's a great salary, but we're not talking,

you didn't do this making $500, 500 grand paying off $300,000. Yep. Um, that takes a level of courage and bravery that most of us don't have. I'm looking at myself thinking if I made 50 grand, I, I, I don't know how I could pull this thing off in 48 months. What, what got you going? Uh, just, just, uh, just keeping them to seeing that, Hey, there's, there's light at the end of the tunnel there um that's a dim light yeah yeah my uh um 2019 i didn't uh the debt didn't go down at all i i paid off the credit cards but the way the student loans were uh even though making payments it still just didn't go down but then really got the fire going um big cheerleader was one of my friends bjorn

uh we would just text each other back and forth and keep each other accountable. He's on four or five, six. So I would love to see that text chain. I hate my life. I hate mine too. Keep going, man. Keep going. Yeah. Actually when, uh, you guys were having a sale one time and, and Bjorn and I were talking and I said, you know, this isn't the budget for me right now. And, uh, it was all of your books and he actually sent it to me uh as a gift so that was oh wow that was a great motivation there wow very cool good for you man i'm so proud of you thank you thank you other than bjorn who was your biggest cheerleader my dad was a good cheerleader um and then but yeah just just kept going there and he came with you today he did he did so where are

you living now uh living i live in kia kaka renting a house for my brother actually okay so okay all right and gotta land in a new position and off we go into prosperity yep absolutely yeah ever go back into that oh no no never again what do you tell people the key to getting out is uh definitely the budget um and just and just sticking to it uh you know there's going to be days where you want to give up but where you're at that point where you gave up you wanted to keep going so just remember why you started and just keep moving forward four years is a long time yes it is a long time and it's really not that long in the scope of your life no no you know maybe five percent of my life

you know if i make it to 80 so uh short short time blink of an eye what do you tell somebody staring like just speak directly to that camera what do you tell somebody who's staring at 250 300 400 000 and they're not making 350 you know once once you get motivated once you get started that's when the the promotions will come in that's when uh the money will come in because once you clean up one part of your life other parts will get cleaned up too yeah amen well good for you brother thank you very very proud of you so we've got the live and give box for you the bundle the baby steps millionaires book um that's your next chapter in your story the total money makeover book for you to give to somebody and um maybe you'll be bjorn for somebody in that there we go and financial peace university membership

as well so if you haven't been through the class, it's time to go through it now and make sure you finish this process out. I'm very proud of you, brother. Thank you. Thank you, Dave. Very well done. Very, very impressive. Good, good stuff.

All right. It's Andrew from Iowa. $303,000 paid off in 49 months, including the sale of his house. It was $150,000 of that. Making $375,000 to $88,500. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream three two one i'm debt-free yeah man

you know i think uh uh we've always with, obviously, married couples and singles as well for 35, almost 40 years now, walking them through this process. In some ways, being single like him and doing this is easier because you don't have to talk somebody into it. Yeah. But in other ways, you don't have anybody to kick you. There's no accountability. There's no camaraderie. When you fight for 48 months, that can get a little lonely. You may have Bjorn, which is backing him up by text

and became his community in that process, and you've got to have that. And I don't care who you are. It's hard to keep eating right for 48 months.'s hard to keep exercising every day 48 months it's hard to pay off debt and having having somebody right there with you i think it you're right it's harder to stay on the tracks but man it's easier when somebody's just walking there with you yeah but i mean it's a different dynamic uh to go through this transformational process to clear the debt to stick with it For a married couple then for a single each one has its own

advantages and difficulties so like you're not You're you're not you haven't got it easier, but you haven't got it that much harder you just got a different kind of hard there you go when you're single or when you're married and It's all of its hard, but there's a process and so sometimes it's hard you got to talk somebody into it you know you're dragging along the spouse you're trying to get them involved that you know you just you know you can't seem to get them it's dead weight you're dragging uh and then on the other hand the other way you're like man i wish i had some help here i wish i had somebody you know to tell me to do this so there's different kinds of hard but it's worth it and uh but for me watching someone like him uh that's a particular kind of hero yeah this one's hard i i just think

back to the time when my wife and i owed six figures and we were living in a residence hall and i we we made good money our combined salaries and I didn't know how we were going to do it. And to look at, to be able to say, I'm making $3,700 and I've got a $303,000 hole, I'm going after it. That's a level of strength and bravery and commitment that inspires me even to this day. Amen. Like, man, I don't care how small I am, I'm going to get in the ring, I'm going to hit that dude. Right? I'm going to try to knock him down.

So the point for those of you that are listening or watching is you too can do it. We don't go with excuses around here. We don't even go with reasons. You can do it. You can do it. People just like you have done it. We've been doing this a long time. I don't care who you are.

Someone like you has done their debt-free scream. I really don't care. Yes, you can. Now it's time. It's your turn. Ready, set, go. With debt payments and now with inflation stealing more and more of your paycheck, we know a lot of you feel like you're drowning and you're scared to death.

I've been there myself. It's no fun. Doesn't have to be that way, though. You can say, just like our last debt-free screamer, Andrew, I've had it. Not living like this anymore. And we can show you how to do some new things with your money that you've never done before that will cause you to be able to win. There's nothing really earth-shattering. It's basically common sense, but we not only show

you what to do, we help make you do it. It's called Financial Peace University. It's a nine week, nine lesson course that'll teach you how to beat debt, build wealth, and be outrageously generous. It's everything you wish you'd learned about money. Nearly 10 million people have been through Financial Peace University, FPU, and now they're in control, and they got margin, and you can too. So decide that you're done with money stress. Decide you're done, and you're going to take control. Start Financial Peace University at RamseySolutions.com slash FPU. RamseySolutions.com slash FPU. ramsaysolutions.com slash FPU.

Jessica is with us. She is in Jeff. Oops, that's not Jessica. Let me try again. Jessica is with us in Jeff City, Missouri. Hey, Jeff. Jessica, what's up? Hi.

Thank you so much for taking my call today. Sure. I'm in a rock and a hard place. I want to have another baby, but I also want to go back to school to get my income up, and we don't really know what to do. Which one do you want more? Both at the same time, both and. Why can't you do them both at the same time?

We have two children now, and we just got out of debt on the first, so we're trying to build our emergency fund, so we're on baby step three. You have health insurance? Yeah. How how much it costs to have a baby like 10 grand no it doesn't not out of pocket it did for us the last two we did you have horrible insurance it doesn't cost but 10 grand to have a baby yeah well we there was i was in the hospital a lot with both our kids so um with covid and health issues while i was pregnant so oh okay so we had extended stays it's not just a simple labor and delivery yeah yeah yeah okay you anticipate that this time as well? Possibly. I'm healthier, but possibly.

So I would prefer to anticipate it than not. Yeah, that makes sense. Which helps it not to happen because you're not stressed, right? That makes sense. Yeah, I'm not as stressed, so that's good. Are you working right now? Yes. Is there a way to split the difference

and you and your husband really get fanatical and put $3,000 or $4,000 or $5,000 in an account and just pause everything and store up some cash? Would that give you some peace? Yeah, we can. He wants $30,000 for our emergency our emergency fund well i want a pony too and sometimes you know what i mean i don't actually want a pony at all actually not even a little bit but i mean i mean you can i mean you can wish all kind of things but sometimes it's going to take

a minute to get there um so he wants 30 grand if you had if you had 10 or 15 000 in your emergency fund you'd be well on your way if you want to keep going towards 30 that's fine is that necessary before you had a child no it's not okay um and so but i think you do need to so the answer is how are we going to do all these things in order, not all at once? When you try to do them all at once, it's impossible because it's overwhelming, and you simply don't have the bandwidth of time, energy, money to just say, oh, by the end of April, we'll have all of this going. No, you're not. You're not going to graduate from school and have a baby by the end of April.

It's not going to graduate from school have a baby by the end of april it's not going to happen so why don't we just say which one is lee is going to happen later than the other one and i don't care it's your life so i mean like we're gonna have our baby first and during the time that we're having that child a nine month time frame we're going to finish up this emergency fund and get it up to 15 to 30 thousand dollars during that time and then after the child comes home and i'm able to get back to work and then i'll start talking about going to school or i'm going to put off having a kid to get my degree finished i don't care which one but just decide so it's not no it's not now yeah i just want to i feel like i'm not contributing if i'm not working and if we we have another baby, daycare costs are expensive too. So then. Contributing is something, it's in the air we breathe when it comes to making women feel guilty.

If they choose to go to work, if they choose to stay at home, there's all of this contribution nonsense that is just pumped at you 24-7, 365. You have to make peace with that because no degree, no other kid and another kid and another kid, no emergency fund amount is going to let you sleep at night because those aren't the issues the issue is you're looking in the mirror and thinking i'm not participating in this household and that's simply not true you got to address that what's your husband make um 80 to 90 does he say you have to be a financial contributor to you no okay so this is you saying this to you or our toxic culture saying this to you me saying it to me yeah so let me give you an example okay um 38 years ago my wife um 36 years ago i mean my wife went home when she had our first child as a full-time mom and has never worked outside the home since and one of the reasons that I am a national brand and a highly successful business

person is because I don't have to deal with drama at home. She's the opposite of a drama queen. She maintains the fort and the fortress. She fights off all the enemies, and when I get home, it's a place of peace, not a place that I have to add yet another level of stress. That has given me a foundation to come to the office and fight the dragons every day for 30 years. I would submit to you, Jessica, that Sharonaron ramsey is a contributor yeah to our wealth you see how that works yeah she really is i mean that's legitimate that's not me just philosophically discussing something there's an actual factual piece of data here that says that

one of the reasons we have the money we have is because i've been able to focus at work instead of having to deal with a bunch of crap with some princess at home and so i call that contributing and uh so you know did she go out and make 10 million dollars during that time no she didn't make a dime during that time except for consignment sale clothing which i still can't get her to quit doing but um like we're still broke i mean come on she still sells our clothes give them away but anyway yeah she because she wants to contribute but yeah oh my god but yeah that's the thing uh so we we you know we there's mom guilt if you work and there's mom guilt if you don't work right and so that

that's what john's and it's coming from the outside in it's coming from the inside out right exactly exactly because it gets it gets planted in you early on and sharon's dealt with that rachel who's a very very busy career woman ramsey personality deals with that uh deals with it uh you know and talks about it openly you know okay i feel bad if i'm leaving to go but also this is what i'm called to do, and I'm going to go do it. And if I didn't go do it, I'd feel bad for not going to do it. And so it's like, yeah, damned if I do, damned if I don't, you know, it's just, and so some point you've got to work through that and make peace with it. And then that allows you to decide why I'm going back to school. That's exactly right. And that order you're talking about, it tends to line that order up pretty easily. Sometimes if you're trapped in a story that you're telling yourself, I'm only worth this or my only value is this or I'm not contributing, there's something really powerful about writing that down and reading that to your spouse.

Especially in this situation where there's not a spouse like, man, you need to get off your butt and get and there's two there's you know two kids and a third on the way that idiot that doesn't sound like her husband at all no it sounds like she's telling herself a story and he doesn't make a bad income no he's doing fine yeah he's doing fine especially you're gonna have you're gonna have a madhouse of three young kids running around and no one's no one's got a lot of money with all that that's that's life um but he's not he's doing well but i think sit down and tell him that hey i don't feel like I'm contributing. Let him respond like you did. And sometimes there is a sense of peace

that we didn't even know was there. You know, when we were doing it, I'm not sure I really grasped it. I didn't care. I didn't. I didn't care. But when I look back on it now, I'm 100% sure I'm Dave Ramsey

that everybody knows because of what she took care of at home. It would not have happened otherwise. If I had to deal with what some of my buddies have had to deal with, oh, my Lord. No question in my house. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you love the show and want a deeper dive on your money journey,

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