The Ramsey Show - App - Should My Wife Take a Job Out of State? (Hour 1)
Episode Date: May 14, 2021Debt, Career Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started: Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3...sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE
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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio,
this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money.
I'm John Deloney, joined here by best-selling author and good friend, Anthony O'Neill. We're taking your calls on anything, on everything.
Life, money, parenting, relationships, school, how to pay off your student loans, everything.
Give us a shout right away.
888-825-5225.
It's 888-825-5225.
Anthony, I haven't seen you in a while, man.
How have we been?
That's a good thing, man. That means we've both been working. If we see too much of each other,
that means we're not working. I never thought of that. I guess if you're hanging out in the
office, that means... We ain't doing nothing. We ain't building nothing. I love it. We're
called to build stuff, make stuff happen. So what have you been working on?
Man, a lot of things, man. Getting ready to go to two shows on my shoulder table with Anthony O'Neill.
Working on getting ready for a book next year to come out next fall.
So I'm really excited about that.
And just really working on a lot of fun things that I really can't say just yet.
But the key thing is just really working on myself, improving myself so I can better serve the people in America and our listeners.
That's awesome.
Well, I hate the only time I get to see you is...
When I ain't working.
When Dave's out of town, but man, it's good to see you.
I know.
All right, let's get right to the phones.
Let's go to Mitchell across the pond.
Mitchell, how are we doing?
Hi, I'm doing fine, thank you.
How are you two?
Outstanding, man. Thanks for giving us a shout so what's up how can we help um so i'm 20 years old and i'm going to university later this year
i'm going to study law but last year i managed to get into about 11 000 pounds worth of debt
and so now i'm working like 90 hours a week basically 85 hours a week trying to pay it off
and but it feels like
i'm burning out it's working in a factory so it's not sitting down 12 hour shifts basically every
day um and yeah no i just i don't know what to do i thought i'd call in and ask you guys
yeah that's good man uh i love it so 11 11 11 pounds is about what 15k here in america
yeah that's right yeah about 15 15 5 so um now let me ask
you this question are you are you still in school as far as in how much longer do you have to go
um so i'd be starting i'd be starting my first year so i've been doing i've been doing one year
at the open university by going to an like an in-person university yep And so that's why I'm starting. Yeah.
Okay, cool. Great. So here's the thing, what I really want you to do and focus on, Mitchell,
don't worry about the debt right now. Okay. What I want you to do is how do we get a game plan
that can help you not rack up any more debt moving forward? Because what we don't want to do is
continue stocking the pile of debt over here.
How do we prevent you from borrowing more money from moving forward? So do you have a job? Do you
have, well, you do have a job. I mean, how much money are you making a month right now?
So a month I'm making, well, I've got a job, but I've also got a cleaning company. So I've got
people that do cleaning for me. So I bring in about $4,500 a month, roughly.
$4,500 a month.
Okay.
How much is it going to cost you a semester to go to school?
It's costing a semester, half a year.
Yeah, half a year.
How much?
$4,500.
$4,500.
Okay, cool.
So that means you can cash flow college then, am I correct?
I mean, not really because at the moment the job I'm doing is working in a factory in the south.
So I'm in Brighton, but the university I'm going to is in New York.
Okay.
Up north.
So I wouldn't be able to carry on doing the work that I'm doing now once I go.
Okay.
So we got to figure out what are we going to do here?
Because the thing is, I'm not going to tell you you take out any student loans or borrow any more money so we need to figure out
how can you work in cash flow school or another option which is not a popular option john is is
this is this the right school for you to go to that is this school yeah within your budget that's
the question well the school is,
the reason,
one of the reasons we're going there
is because I didn't get any real qualifications
from senior school,
which, you know, your high school or college.
So I've got in basically on the basis of my experience
and personal statement.
Well, and all that's well and good.
Right.
But if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
Right, man.
Why are you choosing?
You've got a cleaning company.
You're working hard in a factory.
What is it about the university that is calling your name?
Why do you want to quit your small business?
Why do you want to quit your day job?
So the cleaning business will carry on.
But the job that I've got, basically, I got to pay off the debt.
It was just like anything.
I used to work in an insurance company before this okay and but i i had to
leave because they sold that part of the business and but the reason i want to go is because it's
it's in the russell group so it's one of the top schools over here and it's and it's doing law so
obviously there's that future career there that potential i could go into that's more valuable
than the cleaning business that i've got yeah but i but I'm not concerned, John, about the value or what people say is one of the best
schools.
What's the school that you can afford, bro?
That's the conversation we need to have.
Not what's the best school that magazines are saying or that the community is saying
there in England.
What's the school that you can afford?
Because if you can just get the education of what you need, you will come out on top.
All right.
So if you're making $4,500 a month in American money, it's going to cost you $4,500 a semester.
It sounds like you can cash flow some school, but you may need to go to a cheaper school.
So that way you can be better off in the long run.
Or some law schools don't let you work while you're attending.
Right.
So you may have to take a year or two.
Will they let you postpone
your entrance?
I think I'm past that
point now, so it's a case of I have
to go. I have been approved for student loans
here, but I know you guys
don't like that. Yeah, you know, we don't do that, brother.
Not even in England, guys.
Beautiful place to be, but not with student loans.
Well, just listen to the situation you called about and that you're putting yourself in.
Okay?
Yeah.
You found yourself 15,000, 11,000 pounds in debt, $15,000 in debt.
And you're having to work in a factory 85, 90 hours a week to pay it off.
Yeah, that's rough.
And your solution, your next step, is to go get into more debt,
that you're going to have to find yourself, whether it's in a factory.
Or I was the dean of students at a law school, man,
and my law students would sometimes get themselves so underwater to do loans
that they had to take jobs at law practices that they didn't agree with,
they didn't love, that required 100
hours a week from them.
They just took their souls from them to pay off these student loans.
Does that make sense?
You're putting yourself in that same situation.
Yeah, so the student loans here, the way it works is you don't pay a penny unless you
earn over $27,000.
Okay.
And after that, you start paying a certain percentage.
There's no pressure on you.
It's not like a regular payment.
They write it off after 30 years.
If you don't pay,
but I'm hoping to move to the States to carry on with the actual law career.
So it's likely that the loan would get written off.
If that makes sense.
Then that income wouldn't be eligible to be taken because it's not run through
the UK.
Yeah.
Mitchell,
we're not going to play with that, man.
Okay, here's the thing.
Don't even touch it.
We don't play the what if or there's a possibility.
We play the what can I control?
You can control by not taking out the student loans.
You can control by choosing a cheaper and more affordable school or possibly delaying
school until you can cash for it.
Spotify.
Yeah, and I don't know how England does student loans.
Right.
I just want to live by a rule.
I'm not going to trust the government to take care of me when I owe them money.
Absolutely.
But I like England.
I love it.
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I'm John Deloney, joined here by best-selling author and YouTube sensation, Anthony O'Neill.
I'm checking your calls on life, on money.
Let's go to Samantha in Jordan, Utah.
What's up, Samantha?
How are we doing?
Hey, Anthony.
Hey, Dave.
It's great to talk to you guys.
I'm John.
I wish I was Dave.
He's way better looking than me, both physically and bank account-wise.
No, hey, it's all good.
No, I'm sorry.
So what's up?
How can we help?
That's funny.
Yeah, so it's really good that both of you guys are on the line today.
I've been meaning to try to talk to John since he's been a member since, like, 2020.
And, Anthony, I'm such a huge fan of yours. You're a millenn since like, uh, 2020. And Anthony,
I'm such a huge fan of yours.
You're a millennial like I am.
And it's great what you're doing for millennials and helping them get out of
debt for student loans.
Um,
John,
um,
this question is mainly for you today.
Um,
I have recently discovered that my father has stage four lung cancer.
And,
um, it was a shock to everyone just because he went in for, like,
just a regular procedure.
He had a tumor on his adrenal gland, and we were just told, well, 90% of them were benign, so it should be just a quick, you know,
in and out 48-hour, you know, stay maybe.
And it turned out it was a lot more in death.
And ever since he got out of surgery,
from that thing that has been one after another,
like he's been through blood clots,
he's been through so many things.
He just barely got out of the hospital on Tuesday.
And I haven't been able to see him,
you know, since
like almost two weeks now because I wasn't
able to go visit him in the hospital because
of the
COVID restrictions.
I think maybe also
because he was in the ICU, I understand that
they want to limit people
from, you know, spreading germs
and stuff in the ICU.
So how can I help?
Yeah, so I want to know what I can do to prepare myself to accept this.
I think that I have tried.
I've grieved.
I learned a lot about grieving that, you know, even if you don't lose someone,
their lives are never going to be the same, and your life is never going to be the same if they're close to you like a family member.
And so I'm trying to prepare myself as much as I can to say, okay, well, my dad's dying.
He's going to die from this probably sooner rather than later.
So, hey, do this for me, Samantha.
Don't spend your energy trying to prepare yourself.
Spend your energy being with your dad.
That's good.
Right.
Spend your energy letting him know that he did a good job, that you love him, that he's got a will, that he's got his end game wrapped up.
The last thing on earth you want to do is start building protective walls and putting up shields and protecting yourself from pain because that pain is going to find its way in and out of your heart in some shape, form, or fashion.
Right? of your heart some shape form or fashion right and so trying to defend yourself from hurting
because your dad was suddenly given a just a brutal cancer cancer diagnosis that nobody saw
coming that's a futile exercise it's an exercise in hyper anxiety and depression and coming out
all over the place okay so instead of doing that i want you to actually get some people around you
that you love and you trust,
and I want you to sit down and just feel this hurt.
It should hurt real bad.
Yeah.
Because it sucks.
And I definitely have.
I have some great people in my life, and I'm grateful that I do because it's a true testament to the people around you
when something bad happens because it's always easy to be the people around you when something, you know, bad happens.
Because it's always easy to be around people when good stuff is happening.
But when bad stuff happens, that's when you really understand who your real, you know, people are in your life.
That's right.
So I want you to, here's what I want you to do.
I want you to make sure you are around those folks.
I want you to even reach out to two or three of them and say, hey, y'all, you're my go-tos.
In the middle of the night, in the afternoon, if I text you and say I need to talk, I want you to
commit to stepping outside of whatever meeting you're in and hollering at me. If I need you to
come over and pick something up, get a couple of ride or dies with you, and that's going to allow
you to drop your shoulders and just experience this for what it is. It's a miserable, awful thing. And then I want you to be around
your dad as much as is safe as possible. Make sure you can write him a letter that he can read over
and over and over and tell him that you love him. And you are so grateful to have been on this ride
with him. And don't start writing him off yet. Old dads are tough, man. He, um, man, he may come
through this and things may be okay.
And if it's not, stage four lung cancer is tough.
It's a hard way to go.
It's devastating for your whole family.
Don't try to
wall up and be hardcore and tough.
Man, it doesn't help or benefit
anybody or anything. This is going to be a hard season
for your family. Let him know you love him.
Let your mom know you love him. Let your family know you love him.
And make sure you reach out to
let others know when love him let your mom know you love him let your family know you love him and make sure you reach out to um let others know when you need help right anthony have you
experienced i know you haven't lost parents but how how do you experience grief and wrestle with
grief you know i just lost my uh one of my closest cousins uh i'm sorry a couple of months ago. And it was actually February 11th. We lost her. And.
And it was hard, you know, it was hard.
But, you know, I'm a Christian.
So while I'm while I'm while I'm grieving, I'm also a part of me is also celebrating that this individual is in a better place.
I wish I wish my cousin was still here with with our family, with her siblings, with her mom and dad.
She wasn't married.
She didn't have any kids.
But I've learned throughout grieving, be honest with my pain, be true with myself.
But then also just step back and understand with the faith that I practice, uh, she's in a better place than,
this,
uh,
world today with a lot going on.
She's in a much better place.
And so for me,
man,
I just learned to be honest,
be there for the family.
I'll be there for my loved ones.
Um,
allow,
allow tears,
allow pain,
allow questions.
Uh,
I don't have the answers.
Um, I'm just taking it one step at a time
and we're still processing this as a family man just the other week i broke down emotional because
i drove into atlanta where she was and i when i suddenly got into atlanta i just thought about
that and i literally allowed myself to cry for 30 minutes good for you you know because it's like i
i'm a grown man but at the same time i have emotions i have feelings
and but but tears are healing tears help you process and so for me when i'm grieving
i allow myself to be emotional and i allow myself to feel the pain uh but then also i encourage
myself during that same process so you just did something that i think um i don't want to blow
by it man which i think it's real important to point out.
It was a both and for you,
which is I'm going to feel this stuff.
I'm going to acknowledge this stuff
and I'm going to get up and go do what I need to do.
Yeah, absolutely.
And it's a both and.
I am going to go visit people.
I am going to see people.
I am going to,
like you talked about before the break,
I'm going to keep working, right? if i've got the capacity to do that and if i got to pull over the side of the
road i'm pulling inside the road absolutely and i find folks do one or the other right and samantha
here i'm grateful that she was brave to call they want to wrap themselves up in in armor not feel it
right i'm just going to get back to it and do it or man people just shut it
down yeah right and they don't reach out and they don't and it's hard man when grief looks different
for everybody and we try to make people grieve all the same way or start comparing grief man that
destroys relationships and destroys people make people feel nuts right yeah man if you tell
somebody hey you got to do it like this yeah Good for you, man. Sorry to hear about your cousin.
All right, man.
It's all good.
She's in a better place.
Appreciate the thoughts.
Our family's taking it one step at a time.
And what was so funny is after the funeral,
it was February 14th. I'm coming home, and I got into a car accident.
I remember that.
I thought I was about to die. And when I got back to the hotel room, John, I just into a car accident. I remember that. I thought I was about to die.
And when I got back to the hotel room, John, I just started crying even more.
Yeah.
And I said, I'm just going to cry.
I have no answer for this.
I'm just going to cry, cry, cry.
Next morning I woke up, let nothing happen.
You feel 25 pounds lighter, huh?
So much lighter.
Thanks for sharing that, brother.
I wasn't trying to be a man.
I was just trying to be an emotional man at the time.
Trying to be a human being.
Exactly.
Right?
Yeah.
And we've had a lot of loss this last year.
Feel it.
Get people around you.
Don't pretend feelings aren't real because they are.
This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. 888-825-5225.
This is The Ramsey Show.
I'm John Deloney, joined here by bestselling author and all-around great guy, Anthony O'Neill.
We're taking your calls on life and money.
Let's go to Dan in Champaign, Illinois.
Dan, what is going on?
Hey, good afternoon.
Thank you for taking my call.
You got it, man.
What's up?
How can we help?
Well, we have been working Ken's proximity principle, the framework that we put out there,
that you guys put out there, and it worked a little faster than we expected, actually.
Fantastic.
That's kind of what we're calling about here.
I want to give you a little bit of background, and then I was hoping for maybe a 3,000-foot view
and a little unbiased opinion. You got it. All right, so a little background. My wife and I
are on Baby Step 7. We currently are making about $135, $140 a year between both of our jobs,
and I run a small side business.
We're working at a family, but so far that's not happening, so it's just the two of us at the moment.
Basically, the job is out of state, and we're looking at a pretty big move if we're going to do this.
And in order to do this move, the job that was offered to her was about $3,000 less than what she currently makes, which they've given us a pretty good ladder and whatnot.
But we are a little nervous about the fact that I've got to find a job down there as well,
et cetera, et cetera. Essentially, what my question is, is with a couple of our contacts
that we use for the proximity principle, one of them has moved away.
We're afraid that if we don't do this because of the salary and some of the family things that are going on,
that we'd burn a bunch of bridges between the contact as well as the company,
as well as, you know, ruin some of the gym growth that we finally started seeing since COVID shut
us down for so long. That's my side business.
So we're just kind of stuck as to whether we should take this job or not.
Well, man, thank you for walking that through, man.
Long story short, I've been in this situation multiple times with me and my
wife. She was a professor.
I was a higher ed geek.
And a lot of times you take a job, you've got to move to a new town.
Someone's got to wrap up their semester or their year.
And so we've been through this several times.
So here's what I'll tell you.
Other, you can't make a decision that's not good for you and your wife because somebody else might get mad at y'all.
Does that make sense?
At the end of the day, you guys walked down a road with somebody,
and what they ultimately put on the table wasn't good for your family.
And maybe another $50,000 would have helped, maybe the wrong timing.
Whatever the thing is, that's between you and your wife,
and they don't get a vote, period.
If you're going to move to different states, different cities, I can tell you on my own
experience is you got to have a really detailed communication plan between the two of you.
It's got to have a deadline on it and you have to be really hyper-intentional with one
another.
It's real easy to get into your own rhythm in another town or another city and all of
a sudden you look up and you've got a roommate
that doesn't even live with you anymore, right?
And then you've got to relearn how to be connected.
Why does she want to have a different job?
Why are you working the proximity principle as millionaires
looking to get out of where you are?
Well, I'm not quite millionaire status yet, but we're getting there.
House is paid for and whatnot.
As far as why, a couple of main reasons.
One, we kind of fell in love with the area.
We're looking at the southeast Tennessee area.
So mountains, better tax climate for my business.
If I were to reopen it there, I wouldn't get shut down near as long.
And then I am not a big fan of the winter, so I'm looking forward to getting into some warmer weather.
So that would be kind of the main issues there.
And then as far as why this company, why this sort of role, it's essentially a lateral move.
She's already doing this project manager work, but it would be a foot in the door and a job offer in the area that
we both want to live eventually.
So why don't you just do it?
How old are you?
How old are you?
We are 34.
I want you to just do it.
What are you going to lose?
Hey, Dan, real quick.
That's the biggest thing that I'm worried about losing.
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off there, Anthony.
The job that I currently have is bringing in about losing. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off there, Anthony. The job that I currently
have is bringing in about 70. So I'd be going down quite a bit in salary if I find a role there.
And then with everything, seeing the things kind of starting back into the normal routine with the
gym, we're a little nervous about just all of a sudden being like, well, see you later.
So I'll turn it over to Anthony, but I'll leave you with this. The reason you do all that work to get out of debt
so you can do whatever you want, wherever you want it,
the reason you work so hard to get out of debt
and get connected with your wife
is so that y'all can pack up and move wherever you want
to some weird mountain town in the middle of nowhere
and take a giant pay cut and it doesn't hurt you
and y'all get to do what you want.
That's just my opinion on it.
Anthony, hop in here. Yeah, I i mean i agree with you john i mean you work the baby
steps so you can have options and you can have freedom um i don't know if i would take a massive
pay cut uh but you know but i i would if if i know i want to be in this state this is where me and my
wife want to settle down at i would i would
consider a pay cut to eventually get back to where i was to possibly making more money
but i'm curious i can't remember off the top of my head is illinois half state tax
oh yeah yes sir cool so is that three thousand dollars a year you're losing out on or three
thousand dollars a month your wife would be losing out on so my wife would be losing out on or $3,000 a month your wife would be losing out on?
So my wife would be losing out on $3,000 a year, which is not the concern.
It's more of a, you know, I'd probably be taking a $30,000 or $40,000 pay cut just to get my foot in the door somewhere down there.
Cool.
And then so coming back to no state tax here in the state of tennessee you know it wouldn't be that that you
make that up yeah you'll make that up maybe not 30 grand but you'll make up another 10 about my
another 10 grand um and so i'm like i'm like john here you know i'm having a conversation with my
wife and i'm asking my wife this what do we want to do long term where do we want to be long term
do we want to be in tennessee in the next five years
if that is our end goal then okay cool is this the best avenue of getting us to that goal
and before we make a decision over here we're going to pursue two or three other things you're
going to look for another job dan and see if we can find some different options to where instead
of losing out on $30,000,
I may lose out on $10,000, maybe lose out on $15,000.
And you'll make some of that back up within not having state tax here.
Now, your wife is going to make – it's going to be a lateral move, and she may even make a little bit more money because she doesn't have the state tax.
So right now, from you, I'm looking at one,
what's the best move for the family?
And if the family is saying, yes, we want to be here,
how can we do this the right way?
And with you being debt-free,
having a fully funded emergency fund
and even having to pay for a home,
you're in a position to where you can lose a little bit.
I just want to make sure that when you move you will or you you can lose but what do you gain long term and the gain is not all money
the gain is life life it is freedom it is it is the options it is the choice that we want the
school district that we want to be in you know the home that we want the people the community
the state you can't get any people, the community, the state.
You can't get any better than the state of Tennessee.
I'm going to tell you that right now.
All right.
You just can't.
I don't know why people still living in California.
Just come on over here to the state of Tennessee.
You know, I think we're full up, brother.
Actually, I know we are.
You know, it's a lot.
But, you know, that's what I would say to you, Dan. It's just to, you know, step back and just have a dream meeting with your wife and just dream together.
Okay, what's our dream?
Is it Tennessee?
Or is it Florida?
Or is it another state?
Whatever that is, have a dream meeting and then define, okay, what does it look like for us to get there?
And then from there, your answer will be there.
Dan, this is my personal life.
There was a season when I wasn't well.
My wife and I left a university.
We took a $70,000 household income pay cut because it was the right thing for our family and our little kid.
And within short order, we'd circled back up and i
picked up extra stuff i got my head screwed on straight i got the help that i needed my wife
ended up with another the money has taken care of itself in ways we could have never imagined
because we looked at what anthony did where do we actually want to be where do i want to be with
our family what do we want this thing to look like?
What does it take for us to be whole as a group?
Man, you and your wife have worked the plans.
You're baby step seven.
She's making great money.
You're an entrepreneur making great money.
Dude, I'm not worried about the money part.
I want you and your wife to go build an adventure together and go figure it out.
And you're 34.
No decision you make is forever.
None. This is a bust. Go back to Illinois in a couple of years and I'll figure it out. And you're 34. No decision you make is forever. None.
This is a bust.
Go back to Illinois in a couple of years
and y'all figure it out. 888-825-5225
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All right, let's go to Michaela in Omaha, Nebraska.
Michaela, what's up?
How are we doing?
Hi, thank you so much for letting me call in.
I'm doing okay.
How are you?
We are doing great.
We're doing great.
How can we help?
Well, so I'm recently a single mom and my daughter has special needs.
And I'm in my last year of my graduate program.
I own a home and I am financially struggling.
I work in the service industry.
So, and my daughter, because of her special needs, she's been removed from several daycares.
So I've had a hard time keeping employment through that. I haven't reached out for any
handouts or subsidies or, and I don't even know where to start with that. But as far as finances
go, I'm in the middle of this debate of whether or not to sell my house,
which there's about $70,000 in equity there, or to send cash out and rent,
or to take a line of credit on my home just in order to survive the next year to get through school.
So how come you are a new single mom? What happened?
Well, I was in a relationship with domestic violence,
and I chose to, gosh, I don't want to get emotional,
but I chose to make a better choice for my daughter and I.
Good for you.
Good for you.
Thank you.
So how much are you making right now?
I mean, do you have any income?
I do have some income.
I work my ass up.
So my butt off at a golf course.
And I make roughly around $1,600 a month.
And that's before child support.
So and that's what I'm able to bring in at this point.
What's your grad school program?
I want to be a clinical mental health therapist. Very cool.
Alright, alright, alright.
And this is important
right now. This is something you have
to do right now, right now.
You know, honestly,
I've already pushed it out
a couple times before on
$10,000 in debt to
this school program,
and this is something that's important for me to finish
because I know it's going to be able to allow me to work
at the amount that I'm going to need to bring in for my daughter and I.
To be a single mom, I still need to have my master's degree in this.
How much is it going to cost you to finish one more year?
Well, that's kind of the hard thing right now is that it's already costing me $10,000
in student loans.
And then to finish the program to one more year, it's going to be about another $5,000
in student loans.
So you only need $5,000 to finish off this year?
I need $5,000 to finish off this year? I need $5,000 to finish off just school, but that is without eating or in child care and keeping a roof over my head and my daughter's head.
Yeah, we need to figure something else out.
$5,000, I get it, is a lot of money but then on the flip side is it's not a lot of money and it's not
worth you selling your home and especially not taking out a HELOC on your home um and so under
no circumstances do you take out HELOC ever ever ever yeah and then especially I don't care how
hard you're working your butt off not taking out any any private loans or anything.
But we need to figure out how can we work smart, not just work hard.
Okay.
So you're saying you're making $1,600 a month.
Where are you living in our house?
Well, I'm living in Omaha, Nebraska.
And the $1,600 is subject to change come September because that's when my program changes into an internship.
And I might be only able to work, you know, one, maybe two days a week.
It's very rigorous, and I'm going to be working in clinic with patients.
When I say where you're living, as far as I should have said, how much is your mortgage?
Oh, sorry.
I'm so sorry.
It is $1,000 a month. It's $1,000 a month. Okay. And how much is your mortgage oh sorry i'm so sorry it is a thousand dollars a month it's a thousand dollars a month okay and how much is your child support check 900 okay so that's on top of
the 1600 that you're getting okay yeah all right so we are uh okay so we're at about 2500 a month
okay and you're saying you do you have any family any family in the area that can help you out with your child?
No family in the area.
And the family I do have has passed away.
Okay.
I'm so sorry about that.
Here's the thing.
I want to figure out how do we get this five grand.
I mean, and pay for it cash.
If you're saying this is what you really need to do
to be more successful moving down and it's going to give you the the the opportunity to make more
money then i need to figure out how do we do this selling your home is not an option taking out a
helot loan for five thousand dollars is not an option taking out a helot loan for a hundred
thousand is not an option um taking out student loans is not an option because here's the thing.
You're going to get comfortable with it. You already ten thousand dollars in debt.
You're going to add another five thousand. That fifteen thousand would take you 20 years.
I guarantee it because of the circumstances that you're in.
So I want to ask you a question. Do you want to work hard for the next year, maybe six months to a year to get through the rest of this time without racking up any more debt?
Or do you want to spend the next 20, 30 years paying back all this stuff?
So for me, I'm trying to figure out, OK, one, how do I find substantial help for my child to what else can I pick up just for six months to cash flow this $5,000?
That's the question that I'm asking.
Michaela, I picked up on something that I want to – can I – since you called us, can I poke and prod on you for a second?
Yes.
Of course, yes.
I need help.
You mentioned at the beginning, you made sure to tell America that you don't take handouts, you don't
take assistance, you're figuring this out
yourself.
If somebody was to come in
for you and talk to you as their
therapist in your exact situation,
you would tell them what?
That you got to ask for help, right?
Absolutely, that you have to
advocate for yourself and you have to get the help that's being offered to you.
There you go.
So here's what I want you to do.
Are you at UNN right there?
I'm at UNN.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
So I worked at one of the sister schools there for several years.
Here's what I want you to do.
I want you to walk into your program director and say,
this is really hard for me to do, and I'd be vulnerable here, but here's what i want you to do i want you to walk into your program director and say this is
really hard for me to do and i'd be vulnerable here but here's my situation are there any
scholarship dollars for single mothers are there because they'll hold them in pockets
are there grants are there work i can do here can i become a ga a grad assistant and grade papers
so that they will waive that last $5,000 of tuition?
When you get your job at your internship, that's when you're going to ask, hey, I need to find one that's going to have a paying placement there.
Or I want to help take on shifts as a receptionist there so I can pick up hours and double dip and make money at the same time.
But here's the thing.
Here's what I want you to hear me, the global statement.
There is some solutions here, and it's going to involve you being vulnerable
and honest and going and asking for people to help you out.
And that for you, Mikhail, is really hard.
But I know this.
You can do really hard stuff.
She's already been doing it.
That's what I'm saying.
And you're worth it.
Your kid's worth it.
And you've been brave.
You left a rough, ugly, messy, disgusting situation because you're worth it. That's what I'm saying. And you're worth it. Your kid's worth it. And you've been brave. You left a rough,
ugly, messy, disgusting situation
because you're worth it. And I want you
to take that next step and go ask.
You promise me you'll do it?
Oh, I promise. Thank you
so much. Michaela,
all of us, the whole country's rooting
for you right now. And when you get that
scholarship, I want you to write me an Anthony note, let us
know, and we're going to be cheering you on.
You've got this,
and the clients that you serve in the future
are going to be blessed
because of the road you've walked
and the new road you're going to pay.
It's one hour in the books.
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