The Ramsey Show - App - Should the Man I'm Dating Share My Expenses To Help Me Move Closer to Him? (Hour 3)

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your money, your work, relationships, and more. I'm Ken Coleman, and I'm joined by my colleague, Anthony O'Neill. We are Ramsey personalities. We each host a show on the Ramsey Network. Anthony's show is wildly popular on YouTube and in podcast form. It is The Table with Anthony O'Neill.

And mine is named The Ken Coleman Show. We really spent a lot of time on that one. A lot of creative force going into naming it The Ken Coleman Show. But you can find both on the Ramsey Network, both on YouTube, both in podcast form. And we are teaming up together to help you. 888-825-

5225. 888-825-5225. So, you got a question? You want to move up, make some more money? We can talk about that and we can also get you out of a tough work situation. You got some leadership issues? You want to move up make some more money we can talk about that and we can also get you out of a tough work situation you got some leadership issues you want to be a leader you got some relationship questions single trying to figure out how to spend that money how to do it how to do it

right that's the kind of stuff that we are wide open for all right let's get to the phones little rock arkansas is where we go first taylor is there. Taylor, how can we help? Hi. I am so excited to talk to you both. And so this is my question. First of all, I am in baby step two. I am a single mom. I'm currently working two jobs and I am planning to move this summer to actually take a job to the Dallas-Fort Worth area

where I will get a pay increase, it will not be paid. I will not be paid. And so, of course, I'm saving up for that and everything. But I kind of have a relationship question, too, because I am currently single, but I've been dating someone for a while. And so we had been talking about marriage by the end of this year. And he had actually told me that he was planning on proposing soon. And so I will be moving closer to him. He actually lives in that area as well. And so my question is, is it unfair or is it

unrealistic that I would expect him to help with my move? How close are you? How long have you been dating? I mean, how deep and close is this relationship? Now, we've not been dating for a really long time. It's been under a year that we've been dating. But, of course, we both are divorced, and so we've both been kind of divorced for a while, and so we both know really what we were looking for. How much money do you need to move to Dallas? What are your moving expenses?

I calculate my moving expenses probably would be probably about $5,000, and that's including my rent and everything for that first couple months. Yeah. Ayo and I looked at each other. I would not expect him to pay that. No. Are you expecting him to pay that, or are you just asking if you think he should expect? What?

No, I'm not expecting him to pay that. Then why'd you ask? I said I'm working two jobs. Why'd you ask then? Well, I wasn't expecting him to pay all of that. But however, he was telling me. But you're expecting another man that you've only been dating for less than a year to expect to pay some of it? Well, he was telling me where to move.

He's trying to tell me where to move because he's wanting us to get engaged. He said marriage by the end of the year is what he had told me i mean well brothers we could talk a good game you know that taylor we could talk a good game and so listen man let me just tell you this much and i'm gonna say this and i'm gonna let king come in because he's married i can't give marriage advice i don't want to give marriage advice but But as a single person, I would advise you to do what is best for you, not based upon what he is saying. If he hasn't put a ring on your finger before you moved, he has no say so in what you do, how you do it and where you go. Now, if you ask him for advice, you have every right to listen to his advice,

but move with the intent of you're going to be there on your own, whether you get married or not in the next year or two. And so for me, I would challenge you to be like, all right, am I moving because this is what I want to do without him in my life in the next two years? If your answer is yes, you move. And if he offers you money, I'm going to say this. Don't even accept it. Because what I don't want you to do is to feel pressured that if something goes wrong down the road that you owe him this money or it creates a little salty flavor between y'all two.

I say move solely on your own in an area that you can afford. Okay. So Ayo is absolutely 100% right, Taylor. So the question is, are you moving because of him? Are you moving because of your career and the big vision you have? And Taylor, tell the truth. We won't tell them. Okay. Oh, I'm absolutely moving because I'm moving for myself. I'm moving for better opportunities. I'm moving for a better job. Yes.

And so he knows it. Okay, now. Yes. All right, so we're done with that issue. You're not going to ask him or expect him, and you're not going to take it if he offers. So let's move on. I want to know, you said you've got a side hustle. Yeah.

I'm assuming that's going to Dallas with you. Is that the ultimate goal, to get that to a side hustle. I'm assuming that's going to Dallas with you. Is that the ultimate goal to get that to a point where it replaces your current income or is that something you just want to keep as a side hustle? No, that's actually something I just want to keep as a side hustle. All right. Next question. Because it's not my own business. Perfect. Okay, good. Now, my next question is this job you're taking where you're not making any money for a couple months, could you explain that to me real quick? Yeah, what kind of job is this? Okay. Well, I cannot say the school district.

That's fine. Basically, it's an alternative teacher certification program. Why aren't you getting say for a couple months, but the phase where I would actually be paid would be when I'm actually in the classroom. And so it could be a month. Okay. I got it. I got it.

All right. Just wanted to make sure that I understood that, and so that's going to be a nice bump for you. Correct? Yes. Okay. Do you have any debt? Yes. All right.

Are you walking the baby steps out? I am walking the baby steps out. There we go. Because I know you told me you're in baby step two, so you've got to walk it out. This increase in pay, regardless of this dude, right? Yeah. You're going to keep walking it out, as Anthony said. He's absolutely right.

This is a move for you and a move by you. And then if once the move has been executed and you're there, and as Anthony said, he puts a ring on it, he steps up, and you guys get married, then we combine everything. We keep everything separate until then. A.O., final word on this? Nah, man. You did great. That was beautiful. And if the guy's hearing this, we're not knocking you.

We're just trying to protect both of you. That's right. That's it. Yep. Good stuff. All right, Taylor. Congrats, by the way, on the new job and moving forward in your life. Love, love, love that story.

All right. Don't move. More of your calls coming up real soon this is the ramsey show you've got a lot on your plate a job your home your marriage and your growing family while you're enjoying the present you can't help but think about your future and your finances. As you explore your options, consider Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, for your health care. Their generous maternity program and budget-friendly monthly programs have been a blessing to members welcoming children into their families. Visit chministries.org slash budget to see if it's right for you.

That's chministries.org slash budget. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague, Anthony O'Neill. And we're taking your questions this hour. 888-825-5225. 888-825-5225 888-825-5225 And big news, our famous $10 sale is

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All right, to the phones we go. Austin, Texas is where Emily joins us. Emily, how can we help? Hey, so I kind of have a financial slash dating question. My question is how to identify financial red flags when dating someone, especially early on. I, you know, hindsight, of course, is 20-20. And I recently, you know, found myself dating someone who had their car declined a couple times on, you know, really small brunches and kind of like, he'll figure it out or whatever. But in my head, I knew there were poor decisions and something not lining up right. So I feel like I kind of spend a lot more time dating someone than I should.

When I when I am told these things and find out this information, I should kind of be like, okay, you know, this isn't for me because this is actively happening and you think it's a good idea. And I don't, you know, and these are really big decisions being made. So how do I identify and acknowledge financial red flags? Anthony and I are looking at each other going, who's going to go first on this? Well, I think you've identified those red flags, don't you? I mean, just the ones you gave us. You're saying that you didn't identify them initially and now you're aware of them?

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, so in the moment, I'm like, I think I kind of glazed over them or maybe like lessened, watered them down in my head just because I'm personally, you know, on a debt payoff journey. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you what's going on. So that's what I thought. So you knew those were red flags then and you chose not to do anything about them. And that's a, that's a relationship thing. That's a thing inside of you. That's an emotional thing inside of you. I'm not ready to tell you what that is, but I think that you could probably tell us if you're honest with yourself. There's something emotionally happening to you when you see this and you go, this is not good. This is completely opposite of what I think

about money. And I'm not going to say anything about it just because I don't want to be lonely or I don't want to be rejected. I don't know. What is it? That's what i want to know what do you think it is um you know i think i kind of am an over giver and i easily feel bad for people so i'm kind of like oh you know maybe i can just help guide the way or you know give advice along the way i don't know i start to think of how i can maybe overcompensate. Did you do that in that past relationship? I'm guessing this is in the past, correct? Oh, yes. Did you give it? Did you teach? Did you give advice? And then how did he react?

Yeah, and I actually would bring up like Dave Ramsey and, you know, those steps and things and how I'm following them. And I kind of got the shrug of the shoulders and the kind of like, eh, maybe, I don't know about that. And I even got maybe one time, I don't think you should listen to that guy. So there's your sign. Yeah, so it's definitely in the moment thing. I don't know. I'm too nice.

Yeah, there is something. It could be a lonely factor that you're talking about there. I'm going to let – I want Ayo to jump in because he's single, and this is a guy who's very public about his financial stances, and so he runs into this way more. I've been married almost 23 years. So, you know, look, I'm going to speak to you almost like maybe the uncle for a moment. I think you're really clear on what the red flags are and you identified them.

And I actually don't mind you, you know, you're dating a young man and, and he's doing things like that. And you go, that's kind of not what I believe at all. And then you go, Hey, listen, I noticed this, this, and this don't want to embarrass you. This is what I believe about money. What are your thoughts on money? I mean, I think it's just as much of a relevant topic as what do you think about kids and what do you think about religion and faith? These are all things that eventually you've got to talk about anyway. So I don't think you harp on it, but I think if you give your opinion on it

and say, hey, I can help you with this. I can teach you how to budget. We can go to this class together. And if a dude's really invested in you, number one, and number two, healthy enough to go, yeah, I can acknowledge I don't know anything about money and I'm just kind of doing what I thought, then I'm fine with those red flags because all of a sudden those become caution flags, yellow, and then we could turn those into green flags. That would be my take, AO.

But if they're making fun of you and going, you don't need to listen to that guy, then we have a clear separation on values. And that money problem will never go away, even if you get married. Yeah. And I'm so glad that you said that, Ken. Emily, Ken was going right where I was going. I wrote down two things. Number one, you need to identify what are your financial values that you stand true to. And then while you're dating someone and as you're getting to know someone, you need to see if you're equally yoked in those areas. All right. Because here's the truth. Our Ramsey tribe, our Ramsey way is different from what culture is saying. So you got to identify is this a red flag or is it a yellow flag?

There's a difference between someone who is uneducated, who needs education, like what Kim was hinting to, then someone who just says, you know, I have the education and I don't care. This is what I want to do. I want,

I want to rack up debt. I want to do this. I want to do that. That is something that, you know, if you don't line up with those values you need to separate yourself from doesn't make them a bad person it just makes them hey we're not equally old we're not going down the same direction cool beings great but there are a

lot of people out there who are just financially illiterate you know like you said uh taking out the 401k and to go um do a home yeah that just means he needs education on why that's not acceptable. You know, swiping a credit card to pay for dinner. That's just unacceptable. And so, you know, I think when we are dating, number one, we have to identify our financial values. The number two is let's not hold someone accountable and automatically say these are huge red flags and they're a horrible person because they're just not as educated just try exposing him to your way of thinking your way

of processing finances and then if and over time if you see he or she america whoever you're dating do not line up with what you believe in yeah you got to separate yourself you know um ken i'm single and i'm not here dating do this've seen you do this. Absolutely. I've seen AO folks like being in serious relationships and then something that is a big value issue. How much time do you give it? I mean, I give it a little bit of time. And what is involved in that time? Within the first 90 days, I identify, okay, hey, listen, do we have the same values financially?

Now, again, I'm 36. I'm turning 37. I desire marriage, you know, sooner than than later i'm about to turn 40 so my my value is a little bit different but for me my main thing is do we do we both agree on avoiding debt that's number one number two and do we both agree on building wealth and leaving a legacy uh those that's number two the number three is do we really which should be number, do we believe in being a good steward and giving a 10%? If we don't agree on

those three things, I cannot be with her. She's a great individual, but she's just not my great individual to be my wife. Bottom line. We don't have time to discuss this going into break, but I'm guessing you do that in other areas of your life as well, not just the finance. Here are the key values. Look, it stinks.

Yes. If you've got a great relationship, but you just go, hey, this is not going to have long-term potential, so you're out. Right. Yeah. I believe the word that he uses, he bounces. I like that. That's positive.

That's not a breakup. I'm bouncing. I'm bouncing to the next. I love that. Well, I kick rocks. All right, don't move. More Ramsey Show coming right up. welcome back to the ramsey show i'm ken coleman joined by my colleague anthony o'neill and we are taking your questions it's a free call triple eight eight two five five two two five 5-5-2-2-5, 888-825-5225. How about we stay in Nashville, Anthony?

And Mark is up next. Mark, how can we help? Hey, thanks, guys. Thanks for taking my call. Sure, what's up? My question is, so I wasn't financially smart with my money previously, so my credit score obviously took a hit. Upon finding Dave

Ramsey and other financial advisors, I'm working to build my credit score up and things like that. So I've been paying off debts, working two jobs, doing what I have to do. Filing my taxes, I underpaid in 2020. So now I'm set with a bill for about four grand with the IRS. Because of the fact that I am still rebuilding my credit, obviously I don't qualify for a bank loan. As of right now, the only thing I qualify for is like peer-to-peer lending, such as like upstart lending, club things such as that. So I'm wondering what you guys would recommend. Should I just face the IRS head-on with the penalties and fees that come with it? Or should I go ahead and take out that loan with a peer to peer lender and pay that off to them instead?

Yeah, man, you know, we're not going to tell you to borrow any kind of money no matter what the situation is. So let's walk through the process on how do we approach the IRS here with this? I mean, the $4,000 is not a lot of money. Let's just be honest. But let's talk about this. What's your income a year right now? Currently, my income is about 48 with both jobs included. Okay, $48,000 a year. All right.

Cool beans. So here's the first thing you need to do, Mark. You need to get with a tax pro that can make sure that you do not have this situation next year. Okay. I would love to see you break even and maybe, maybe cross line over when you're getting back, maybe $100, $200. But the thing here is we want to see you cross, break even. On my side, you know, Ken and I, we kind of like to break even, maybe owe just a little bit.

But for you, breaking even and maybe getting very minimum back. So that's the very first thing you need to do is get with a tax pro to make sure that you can go ahead and file correctly on your W-2 forms. That's number one. The number two is what other kind of debt do you have right now? I have old debts that were in collections that I've been paying off. And total? Auto loans.

Total how much? As of right now? Yeah. Probably right at $1,000. That's what I have left. You only have $1,000 left total debt outside of this $4,000. Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, that was just for the collections part. I apologize. Um, I have other things like auto loans. Yeah.

We have two auto loans that we're currently paying for. Okay. You said we, you and your spouse. Uh, yeah, my significant other. Okay, cool. So is your, is this a $48,000 combined income between the both of you? She has not been working. She is looking, but she hasn't found anything. She just recently lost her job within this last month. So she's in the process of kind of starting over and finding something different. Cool, great. She's got money that she's put aside, but we

don't want to touch it just in case we need it. So that way we have our emergency fund and I'm still working. How much? We don't want to touch it. How much do you all have saved aside? Because you said she. No, how much do you two together have saved? Oh, okay.

Saved together probably right around six. That's everything sold. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Mark. Man, listen. The IRS is something you do not want to play with if you have six thousand dollars in your savings account right now you need to pay the irs off as soon as you hang up the phone from ken and i okay uh borrowing money from peer-to-peer horrible decision horrible thought um going to them and and paying fees and

taxes not taxes but fees and penalties um on that because you don't you want to keep six thousand dollars in your savings account horrible horrible decision what i would do is i would take four thousand of that right now then i will go pay the irs off you have two thousand dollars left in your account and then honestly bro i'll take a thousand and i put it towards my current debt right now and really start eliminating your debt as much as possible and then from the on the flip side your wife needs to get on the phone with ken next week on his show and let him walk your wife through on how to land a job to get y'all's income up yeah that's right this economy and certainly in the nashville area there are jobs all over the place,

and I don't even care if it's a job she likes. At this point, we are going to get her employed and start knocking out the rest of those auto loans, and then you guys are rocking your way through the baby steps. But you've got to pay the IRS off now. Yeah, man. You guys don't need the $6,000. You're fine. She can go deliver pizzas and do whatever right now.

Pay the IRS off immediately. Do you understand what we're saying? Yes, sir, I do. Appreciate it. All right, well, we're putting you on hold so you can call the IRS. My goodness, here's the money right now. Can I do direct deposit on this? It's like, boom, here it is.

I'm going to be free of the IRS. They're not going away. No, no. And the last thing you do is you don't want them calling your job. You don't want them garnishing your wages. You don't want them pulling money from your account. All because you're trying to keep the money in your account. It's ridiculous.

It's not worth it. Pay the IRS. Good, good advice there. All right, let's go now to Chase, who joins us in Tampa, Florida. Chase, how can we help? Hey, how are we doing, guys? We're living the dream. What's up?

Same here, actually. I'm working remote at the moment. I tried starting a company, but it failed because of COVID. I won't get into that. I won't bore you guys with the details. Just about finishing off paying off the debt that I incurred from that. And I'm about also to finish getting out of a rental situation here. So I don't want to buy a house where I'm at.

And I don't want to go sign a lease somewhere else in the country while I decide, do I like this area enough to invest in or not? Plus, I feel like the housing market is insanely fuego right now. So my question and what I was thinking about doing was, I feel like the housing market is insanely fuego right now. So my question and what I was thinking about doing was, I know this is not an investment, this is temporary, was to buy, because I already own a paid off truck, to buy a really cheap used trailer and sort of live close to the earth, drive around the country, kind of save money. So like I said, I work remote and figure out where in this country should be like

the next place I invest and kind of get to. Does that make financial sense to you guys? Well, we need more of the picture. What kind of debt do you have? What's your total debt left to pay off? Just about $8,000 now. And so this would be your, so are you living, are you paying rent or own a home right now or not? No. When this whole, when I tried to start the business and it failed, a buddy of mine owns a home, so I started renting a room from him. Okay. And what are you, what's your income right now?

What's your net each month? Net? Just about $10,000. How much is the trailer going to cost? I'm assuming you looked into it and you're going to hitch it up to that big old paid-for truck? Yes, sir. Yeah, so I was thinking about going the super, super cheap route and either buying an enclosed trailer and just kind of putting a bed in a hit, believe it or not.

Yeah, how much? Putting it out a little bit. Okay, $10,000. $10,000 for a trailer? Yes, sir. And you've got that cash ready to go? No, sir. And you've got that cash ready to go? No, no. So I would be, I would be safe paying off, finishing paying off my credit cards, saving that cash and then buying it and then figuring out because with the amount of money I'm making, I just, I don't want to

purchase a home where I feel like it's way overvalued here. My friend's home that he's in right now, he bought it five years ago for 200,. It was just appraised for just shy of $400. No, I get it. I get it. You don't have to explain that. I just wanted to make sure. So, yeah, I would not purchase this. I'm fine with it if you pay your debt off first.

You're living in somebody's home for free right now. So, yeah, knock out your debt. And, yeah, I'm fine with that. That's your home, and you're making good income. You're net, you know, and save up for it. Pay cash, and that's your home for however many months. And then my guess is you're going to get a good chunk of that back.

Is that right on those trailers? No. No, I would doubt it. Yeah. Oh, really? I thought those decent trailers. Oh, okay. To show you what I know about trailers, which I know nothing.

Yeah, because for 10K, I'm either going to be buying something from the 80s or the 90s that's banged up to hell, or I'll be buying an enclosed trailer new, and like I said, just kind of putting a pre-made bathroom and a bed in it. All right, so here's the deal. If you pay cash for it, and that's what you're living in, and you're stacking money, Ayo, I'm fine with that, until he figures out where he wants to go. I'm cool with it. I would look into an apartment. I'm not a fan of trailers.

Yeah, but he wants to drive around the country and figure out where he's going to live. Cool. Great. That's the only reason we're cool with it. I would look into an apartment. I'm not a fan of trailers. Yeah, but he wants to drive around the country and figure out where he's going to live. Cool. Great. That's the only reason we're cool with that. Yeah. Because he's kind of like checking it all out. All right. Very interesting.

I don't know. That trailer may make him want to get an apartment pretty quick. It made me want to get an apartment today. All right. Don't move. More of your calls coming up. This is the Ramsey Show. This is The Ramsey Show.

I'm Kent Coleman. I'm joined in studio by my colleague, Anthony O'Neill. And our scripture verse of the day comes from Proverbs 16, 24. Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Our quote from Apple founder Steve Jobs. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. Amen and amen. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. 888-825-5225. Let's go to Phoenix, Arizona, where Kelly joins us. Kelly, how can we help? Hi, thank you so much for taking my call. I really love all the advice that you give.

I'm a single mother. I'm about 47. I've just recently been certified to teach, but I also have a daughter with autism. I have three children. One of my children died in the care of her father about 12 years ago, and I spent $100,000 in the care of her, keeping my kids safe, keeping supervised visitation in place. And I wanted to know, I'm trying to get back into the classroom,

but it's hard for me with a child with autism and being a first-year teacher. It's just a lot of take-home work, and it doesn't allow me to properly, you know, facilitate her services or spend time with her. But I have some assets. I think I have a 401k. I also have a quadro. I have about $15,000 in quadro assets. I don't have a home or anything.

I've had to live with family for a while just because of the situation. But I wanted to know what the best thing that I can do with my money to be set up for retirement is. Okay, say that last part of it. The best thing to do with your money, what? You broke up. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to know what the best thing I can do with my assets. I'd have to keep my assets fluid in case I was litigating, but I'm not litigating anymore. So I wanted to know what the best thing to do to prepare for retirement with my assets would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a good question. So, and sorry, Megan, your phone was going in and out. How much money do you have again in all?

I'm trying to hear it clearly. I want to make sure I have the correct numbers. You know, and I'm sorry about that. I have about $70,000 in the 401k. I have $15,000 at Vanguard and in Quadro. And then I've saved my stimulus money in my tax return. I do have a car, but I have enough to pay it off. And I have about, I want to say I have about $15,000 in cash. $15,000 in cash. All right, cool. How old are you?

I'm 48. 48. Okay, cool. And you're trying to figure out retirement, right? Like how do you set yourself up to better win with retirement? Yeah, because I'm also trying to get into the workforce. I'm very hireable as a teacher, but the time constraints don't allow me to be a mother. So I'm looking for a job as well. Okay. So we got two things there. So, Ayo, you want to take on the retirement and then we can talk to you? Or how do you want to do this?

Yeah, we got to cover the job first because retirement, I can't really talk about that. Okay, so here's the deal. You're qualified to be a teacher and you want to be in the classroom, but because of the autism with your child, you're saying, I can't be in the classroom because

I don't have anyone else to care for the child. Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah, there's a lot of it. There's about 20. I've been taking home. I taught for like three months, and the pandemic made it crazy. But, yeah, there's just a lot of stuff to take home as a first-year teacher. I have to preview everything.

I have to leave timely comments. I have to scrap all the things. It's just a lot. Okay, so what you're saying is it's not the child care issue during the day. It's that I'm not going to be able to keep up with the work because of what I've got to be as a mom when I come home. That's what you're concerned about. Exactly. Yes.

Okay. Well, but the reality is you've got to work. Yeah. And now you've got some independence, it feels like, from this whole nasty, unbelievably difficult situation. And I'm so sorry. I am so sorry you've been through this. But on one hand, I want to tell you that I believe you can do this. I believe that you can be a mom. I believe that you can get some help at night or whatever. But I also understand that you're way more familiar with your situation than I am as

far as what kind of impact that's going to have on you. But if you're not going to be able to teach in the classroom, then you're going to have to go get what I would call a day job. And because of that certification and that training and all of the skill set that you have as a teacher, if you can get a job for a while to kind of take care of the finances and get stable, and then you can get on an investment strategy, and we're going to connect you to a smart investor pro out there in your area that can sit down with you and really go,

okay, here's all the different assets. Let's get a strategy for you. But from a full-time standpoint, if you want to teach, at some point you're going to have to jump in is where I'm coming at this. I want to be very sensitive to what you're saying, but at some point, either you do it now or five years from now, then you go into teaching. But if you want to teach, you're going to eventually regret this if you don't get into the classroom and do it. Now, I hear from teachers all the time on the Ken Coleman Show that are feeling burned out because of all the paperwork. I'm not minimizing that at all.

I just think you have to decide what's best for me right now. And if it's, well, I really don't think I can be a first-year teacher right now, is that going to change in three to four years or five years with your child or no? Yes, it probably will. She's 10, and her hormones are kicking in, so it's a little, but it should change. But I am substitute teaching, so I do have income coming in. Do you have family around you? I do. because you're worried about all of the paperwork coming home. So you've talked to somebody. You've got a pretty good idea on this. Have you taken this to family to say, hey, I'm very hireable. I've got an opportunity to get in here,

but based on what other teachers are telling me in my first year, I'm going to have a ton of this, and I'm a little bit worried how it's going to affect me and my mom duties. Can you help? Have you had that conversation? You know, I have. My parents are between 75 and 80 years old, and my daughter is precious, but her behaviors are a little bit much for them.

I get it. And she also has services. And I'm sorry if we're going a little bit long. No, it's fine. No, I think that I'm also looking for, I am substitute teaching right now, and even if I had to wait five years, I still am looking for something. You know, I worked in the a transition from school to work program. So there's kids with disabilities. I have a really good reputation of dealing with.

Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you. I would like you to consider and do some research on other jobs that are non-teacher jobs but in the education system. So it's what I would call the proximity principle, right? You're in and around people that are teaching, you're staying active. So if it is a three to five year deal that you got to kind of put this off until you're a different season, at least you're working in the school system. I like that move. And that certification and training you have also makes it relevant. They say, well, why aren't you applying to be a teacher? You go, because this

is my situation with my daughter, but I want to be in the education system. So therefore, it takes care of the steady income, keeps you in the education space, so it keeps those connections vibrant, and so the moment that you feel like your daughter's turned a corner or that you can kind of get in the classroom and deal with that onslaught of stress in the first year, you've got all the connections necessary. Does that make sense? It definitely does. That's where I would go.

There's a lot of non-teacher positions. There are. I worked as a teacher's aide for a long time, but it only pays about $12 an hour. Well, I know, but so now that's where we go, okay, wait a second, we can't do that. But right now, you're just doing substitute teaching, which isn't paying that great. So I'm saying, like, you're working in maybe the

district school office, there's a school board, maybe you're working, you know, again, in the office. So maybe you're, you know, a teacher aide plus a receptionist plus, plus, plus. If you dive into this and figure out how I can work 40 hours a week in the school system, I'm telling you, you'll get it. And that's what you've got to do. And then it takes that pressure off, but you've not completely removed yourself from the field that you want to be in. You know, let me just say this. I mean, you've had quite a journey.

Yeah. And you can feel the pressure still on you. And I want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself here in this time, the strength, Kelly, that you have exhibited is indescribable to me, Ayo. What she's gone through, losing a child, all kinds of legal battles, the challenges with her beautiful daughter. That's a lot. And this isn't just a, hey, Kelly, you can do this thing. This is, you've got to make sure you

take care of yourself in this as well so that you don't flame out. You'll get there. I would stay in the education field. Wow. Unbelievable. Hey, Ayo, always good to hang with you, brother. Appreciate you so much. I want to say thanks to James Childs, our producer, our

associate producer and call screener, Kelly Daniel. But most of all, you, America, thank you for joining us. This has been The Ramsey Show. Have a friend or family member that needs a daily dose of Ramsey advice in their life? Let them know about the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast. It's a quick hit of advice about life and money in under 10 minutes. Check out the Ramsey Call of the Day podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.