The Ramsey Show - App - Should We Get a Loan To Keep the Business Afloat? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

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Live Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where dad is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, number one best-selling author, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225 as we take your questions about your life and your money.

Big week here at Ramsey. We are launching Christy's book tomorrow, official street date for the book. It will ship out. It's already shipped out, and it should be at some of your homes and in all of your bookstores by tomorrow. Take back

your time. The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance. So the book is on pre-sale through midnight tonight and that includes a live stream that she and I will be doing this Thursday evening all about life balance. Yeah, and you're going to get the e-book and the audio book free

if you go ahead and get your copy today in addition to the hardback book that we will mail you. But we're real excited, Yeah, and you're going to get the e-book and the audio book free if you go ahead and get your copy today, in addition to the hardback book that we will mail you. But we're real excited, Dave, and it's been fun to see the reviews coming in because we sent it out to our early readers, people that pre-ordered by September 1st, got the e-book. And it's been very interesting to see there's a common theme in what people are saying. They say, this is not just another time management book. No, it's not. This is not just an – and I'm like, exactly.

And that's my heart behind it and my hope for this space. I love the tagline, the guilt-free guide to life balance. Man, people walk around all day, every day, feeling like they're failing, feeling like they never have enough time. They're not good enough. They can't do everything they want to do. And I really try to dig into the issues below the issues so that we can solve it there.

It's not, I say all the time, it's not just about the calendar. It's about enjoying the life that the calendar represents. So we're going to solve this at the root issue, and it's been good to see how that's connecting with people. It is good to get your work done. Yeah. And it is good to be noble and diligent and dutiful and honorable with your calendar. But then we take that too far to where then all of those positive character traits that I just outlined can turn into a guilt trip.

They can turn into, I have now spent the last decade of my life. You look back if you're not careful and you say stuff like, I've spent the last decade of my life you look back if you're not careful and you say stuff like i've spent the last decade of my life doing what other people wanted me to do yeah and now i'm going to do something for me we call that a midlife crisis because you finally catch up and you go screw this i am not living like this anymore this is cray cray and you just blow up yeah instead of just instead of incrementally making the adjustments but i'm convinced that a whole lot that one of those powerful thing in your book it's actually a boundaries book yeah there's a book on how to set boundaries a book on how to say no yeah there's

so that you can say yes to the right stuff yeah there's there's a piece on that too where when we talk about boundaries in step four i break it down into five practical actionable steps for creating balance in your life depending on what that looks like for you but step four. I break it down into five practical, actionable steps for creating balance in your life, depending on what that looks like for you. But step four is all about that, about boundaries. But it's interesting because we need to protect our time and our calendar from the outside world and all the pushy people that will tell us what we need to be doing. But we also need to put those things in place to protect us from ourselves, from reacting and the guilt trips and, oh, I need to be the hero and I feel the need to say yes to everything and people pleasing. So boundaries work both ways when we look at it. But I'll tell you, there's two pieces of this. There's two pieces to this book that I think have hit a nerve

that are different than what I've seen out there on time management. One is the idea of seasons and how when I talk about what doing the right things, it's at the right time. So in the season you're in, for example, everyone listening to this show is probably familiar with the baby steps. If you're in baby step two, then your number one priority, financially at least, is to get out of debt, get out of debt, get out of debt. And so when you're taking two and three jobs to get a bigger shovel, that's what's right right now. It doesn't mean you're going to do that forever.

This is what's right in this season. I don't want to be a workaholic. I doubt that's going to be your problem. But it gives people permission to do the right things at the right time. To say, hey, what's priority for us, either financially or with our calendar, is this thing right here. It could be a busy season at work. I'm in a really busy season right now at work. And that's what's right right now. And so there's an aspect of seasons. The other piece of it, and Dave, you and I have talked about this. I don't think we talk enough

about how being present affects our ability to feel balanced because it doesn't matter if you create the most perfect schedule in the world. If you're not present for it, you miss it. So if you're spending all of your days at work thinking about your kids, and then you go home with your kids and you're thinking about work, well, of course you always feel guilty because you're always focused on where you're not. I'll tell you the worst one I ever did. Okay. And I caught myself doing this the third time, and I never did it again.

Okay. Planning the next vacation while on vacation. This is so fun. That's not it again. That's not being present. I'm sitting on my laptop planning the next vacation from my vacation. That's just dumber than a rock. I've done that, for sure.

You just got so excited about that vacation. You're like, let's do this again. Yeah, well, that could be what caused it. Find another place. It feels like this. But, you know, i got time on my hands i'll plan the next thing it's the way my brain works and yeah that's just that's not being present well it's interesting because i think we are so used to input and we have this from our

phone we have a device in our pocket that screams our name 24 hours a day but we're so used to this input we're constantly having input in our brains we don't know how to be still. We don't know how to be silent. We don't know how to walk in an elevator and just stare at the doors. Everybody reaches for their phone. And so just there's an aspect of this, of learning how to be present in the moment that you're in, even if what you're doing is mundane. You know, it's fascinating, Dave, research from Harvard shows that the more present you are, research shows it has a direct correlation and causation with happiness. You're actually happier when you're present in the moment. So I want to help people be where your feet are.

Even if it's a negative moment. Even if it's a negative moment. Isn't that fascinating though? That is. When you bring your mind back to your body, even if what you're doing is mundane, research shows you're happier. It turns out our mind was designed to be in our body and doing what our body is doing. And so, gosh, in our world, when you're scrolling social media and your mind is wandering 100 miles an hour,

that's a gift to bring it back to the present and actually enjoy a moment you're in while you're in it. What a concept. It's a hard thing to do in the world we live in. Well, because we've got this power to teleport ourselves. I mean, if you think back, if you went back 100 years, 200 years, and you took your phone with you, and it would do then what it does now, people would think that you were like a sorcerer. I mean, it's like a little magic wand thing. You could just touch a button, and stuff would be delivered to your front porch and stuff you know and you know i mean people you could you can and people would talk on it yes oh my can you

imagine you'd be you'd be burned at the stake for being a witch you know i mean you golly you think about it because it's magic it's i heard one guy say it's like it's like having magic and you have to be careful with magic yeah it's uh it It can become a spiritual problem, and I think it has. Screens have become that for a lot of people. Well, and I don't hate phones or technology or social media. They're just dangerous. Yeah, but people could put it in that category like, oh, you just – no, it's not that. But I think that if we're going to live in a world where you have a device in your pocket

screaming your name 24 hours a day, and there's fascinating research I actually cite in the book on the psychology of screens, notifications, everything about how we interact with our phone. If we're going to have that, we're going to have to have a plan to be able to actually enjoy our life. If not, we're going to spend our whole life knowing what everyone else is doing and completely miss our own. And I want to help people take their time back and take their attention back and actually enjoy their own life.

The book is Take Back Your Time. The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance today is the last day that you can buy it on pre-sale, which includes our live stream event this coming Thursday night, the e-book and the audio book, all at ramseysolutions.com. Be sure you hit up the website today and get the deal. That's how it works. This is the Ramsey Show. Hey, y'all. I'm Christy Wright. Listen, when you're tired and not getting enough sleep, your health and happiness suffers. That's why I'm a huge fan of Glorify, the number one daily worship and well-being app. This app has calming meditations and peaceful sleep music

so you can finally push pause and get some rest. Give Glorify a try. Download the Glorify app and get 50% off their full library when you use the code RAMSEY. That's the code Ramsey. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host at 888-825-5225. Kelsey is in Seattle, Washington. Hi, Kelsey.

How are you? Hi, Dave. Hi, Christy. I'm great. How are you? Better than we deserve. How can we help? I'm related to my question.

I hope to be there in about 12 months to do my debt-free scheme. So all fingers crossed for that. I did something crazy and moved back home with my parents. So I'll be, I'll be ready to go to Nashville in a year. Cool. Um, so I have a question about long-term insurance. You had a call recently from a gentleman in Washington state as well. And I know you're not super familiar with the new long-term care tax for Washington State. But I'm 36 years old, single, no children. There's a deadline for me to purchase alternative long-term care before this goes into effect next year. So I'm not familiar with life insurance or long-term care. I went on bander's website

it says that they don't have anything available due to insurance companies in my state withdrawing their products until november i'm just kind of stuck yeah okay i um it's not life insurance you don't want anything to do with life insurance on this subject. That's a completely different subject. Do not put them together, okay? Because bundling long-term care and life insurance together is what some of the industry is doing, and it's a really crummy, horribly priced product. So stay away from that stuff.

What you need to do is get the minimum method, the cheapest possible method for you to check this box. So it comes down to, is the tax going to be cheaper, or buying a cheap policy going to be cheaper? And I suspect, since the entire freaking state is facing this communist movement in your state, that somebody is bringing a capitalistic solution to the table to provide some kind of inexpensive long-term care, some cheap-butt policy that does a horrible job but doesn't cost much,

and it costs less than the tax because you're 36 and you don't even need it. Right. And that's what I'm guessing. Yeah, it's going to be 0.58% payroll tax, but the benefit is only up to $36,500. I don't care what the benefit is. You're a 36-year-old. It doesn't seem like a lot. Yeah, I don't care what the benefit is.

You're a 36-year-old. The chances of you using this before 60 are less than 2%. So it's just not's not relevant it's a dumb butt law by communists i mean it really is it's ridiculous i hope i'm being real clear to you people in in the government and washington state how much i lowly i think of you but um the uh but anyway the yeah yeah it's ridiculous. So anyway, what you've got to do is figure out what's the least expensive thing. Now, what do you make a year?

$75,000. And it's half of a percent, so it's $350 a year is the tax. Right. I calculated like $435-ish. Okay, yeah, $400 a year. I doubt you can buy a policy that cheap you're probably just paying the tax but i'll give you a way to shop able to get out of it do what what if i'm not able to get out of the long-term care that i'm paying taxes for later if i decided to get something else you don't need to worry about that until 60 okay so i'm not going to worry about it the chances that this law is in place exactly this way and that you are still in washington state

both are almost zero something will have changed i mean we're talking 25 years okay so i'm not you know i i would pay the 400 now if you want to check and see if there's any cheaper way you can just go to an independent insurance broker and you can check on one of our insurance elps uh probably the pnc, the guys that do car insurance and homeowners insurance on our website, some of our Ramsey-trusted guys and gals, they may be able to write you a policy. If they're in Washington State, they will be able to access whoever is trying to do something for you people. Basically, this is a tax. It's just a tax.

That's all it is. It's one more tax they put on you. That's what it comes down to. Because, again, you're not getting anything for it, a huge benefit, and you don't even need the coverage. It's like they're going to tax you for not buying car insurance, and you don't have a car. Okay. For everyone listening right now that is going, what are you talking about, like I am right now? What is going on in Washington?

They're forcing people to get lost. They passed a law that says if you don't buy long-term care insurance, nursing home insurance, that they're going to charge you talking about like i am right now what is going on in in washington they're forcing people they passed a law this is if you don't buy long-term care insurance nursing home insurance that they're going to charge you a penalty at any age apparently okay okay so so okay so now you realize i'm not being i'm not being over melodramatic when i'm stating that they're communist you're not okay so for for clarity purposes for everyone else across the united states at what age do people need to consider long-term care insurance? 60, okay. The chances of you using a policy are going into a nursing home or needing in-home care permanently before 60 are less than 3%. But at 60, you start to look at this at 60 at 60 you need to get it unless you it isn't a great thing to buy long-term care insurance then because between 60 and 70 the chances of using it go up exponentially

right obviously the older you get um and uh the the normal thing that happens in your 60s or 70s is say a typical couple married uh 75 of the ladies outlive their husbands and so dad goes into the nursing home they have three hundred thousand dollars saved he uses it up on nursing home bills and dies mom's penniless so you don't do that you buy a long-term care insurance policy in your 60s early 60s so that it covers that 300 grand so mom still has the 300 grand after his nursing home visit before he dies is there a window where it's too late to get long-term care insurance yeah because it's based on your age and your health okay and so there's a point at which they'll say you can't i don't i don't think you can get it at 80 yeah i don't think

you can get it at 70 whatever i don't know what the number is. And I know you can't get it if you have tremendous illness. Okay. If you've been diagnosed with dementia. Yeah. You know, Alzheimer's. Too late. Too late. Yeah.

Your house already burned. You can't buy fire insurance. Yeah. So that's the problem. And that's what scares everybody. So they want to run out and buy it early and all that kind of stuff. And we want to make sure that the elderly are taken care of. And here's the super bad thing about Washington State, okay?

They're acting like that these people aren't taken care of. There's a whole program called Medicaid, which is welfare. Right. But Medicaid nursing home is paid for. It's for that. Right. For the poor. And so if you don't have any money or have any insurance, welfare will pay for your nursing home.

I don't recommend that as a plan. But this idea that somehow we need to tax a 36-year-old in Washington State on her $70,000 income while she's trying to build her life to provide for this when the federal government already has the plan in place is just more socialism communism you know and um it's from the people right in the center of the state called seattle that's where it's coming from the rest of them have brains and it's just unbelievable i mean it's it's it's basically a well that's helpful i appreciate the explanation because i'm thinking even for my generation, so I'm 38. I don't need it, but it does help me think in terms of my parents, my in-laws. So my generation that might be thinking, hey, is this something to look into or to talk to your parents about? You have to have the long-term care talk, and you need to get – because the chances of spending some time in a nursing home are very high, and it's usually not that long.

Most people don't stay in there two years or something, max. And so it's typically a $300,000, $400,000 max out-of-pocket situation. And so if you've got $10 million, you can self-insure through it. Yes. If you're a baby step millionaire now, and you look up 15 years from now, and you've got $10 million, you can self-insure through it. Mom will still be fine. Right. You know?

And besides that, you can pay for in-home care, private care. Right. High quality. Right, right, right. Personal butler, you know, kind of thing. And you've got $10 million. Shut up. But that's because you built – that's one of the advantages of building wealth and being able to self-insure through some of these things.

But it's the very poor Medicaid's got. Welfare. The very rich can do it for themselves. People that are on baby steps plans. But the ones in the middle need long-term care insurance when they get to be 60. That's good. You know, I heard a sad and touching story recently. Zander Insurance has set up a scholarship for children whose parents died without life insurance. Last year, they gave away over $165,000

to help kids avoid debt and go to college to pursue their dreams. It's touching, but also sad since it's a situation that occurs all over the country and can be avoided in so many cases. This is the reason why I talk about Zander and term life insurance every day. It's not expensive or complicated, and it's gotten even easier with many companies no longer requiring medical exams.

Zander shops and compares all the top term life plans and stays with you the whole time to make sure your family is taken care of. That's why I've used and recommended them for over 20 years. Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. So I don't have to keep talking about these sad stories. Christy Wright, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author. Tomorrow, her new book launches, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance. Today's the last day you can get the pre-sale items,

over $50 worth of stuff at RamseySolutions.com. And sign up for our live stream. Take back your time. She and I are doing this coming Thursday night. It'll all be part of that package at RamseySolutions.com. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Josh and Jillian are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? We're doing great.

Welcome, welcome. Where do you guys live? Grand Rapids, Michigan. Well, welcome to Nashville. And welcome. Where do you guys live? Grand Rapids, Michigan. Well, welcome to Nashville. And how much debt have you paid off? About $90,000. All right. Awesome.

How long did that take? Six years and like two months. Very good. And your range of income during that time? Just under $30,000 to between $80,000 and $90,000. Good. Nice bump. Okay.

What do you guys do for a living? I work with computer CAD programming for tooling dyes, and she does cleaning. All right. Very good. Actually runs her own business. She was looking forward to meeting Christy Wright. Awesome. All right. Good.

Very good. What kind of debt was this $90,000? Our home. You paid off your house. Looking at weirdos. Yep. Yep. I love it.

Very cool. And you're young. How old are you guys? 38. And 36. All right. Not even 40 in a paid-for house in Grand Rapids, Michigan. What's the house worth?

About $270,000. Woo-hoo. Nice. And it's all yours. Yep. How many of your friends have a paid-for house? Not many. I don't think yours. Yeah. How many of your friends haven't paid for a house? Not many. I don't think any.

None. Just us. We did it. I like it. Good for you guys. You're weird. You're so weird. That's awesomeness.

That is awesome. Very fun. What started your story? How'd this whole thing get started for you? Well, I'd heard of Dave Ramsey when I was going to a college age group at our church and we went through, I didn't even pay attention to what it was. It's something debt free.

It was good because I did make it through college debt free and had the principles moving forward with buying the home. It really got kick started when we bought our first home. It was kind of the first big debt that we had. We were blessed not to have

college debt. We had family that took care of that. So it was kind of shocking to us to have this big huge debt. Kind of like, woohoo, oh God. And then the family on the way. So we were like, alright, we're under this debt. Let's get it done. Yeah. And then we actually were on such a tight budget

we had to get your book from the library. I like it. So we rented it, basically. Went through the Dave Ramsey program. Rent-a-Dave. Y'all are uncomfortable with that from the get-go, which is weird and awesome. The fact that you even saw it like that and thought, we've got to get rid of this initially, that's amazing. Was that your family, your upbringing?

Yeah. Was that your family, your upbringing? Yeah. Both of our family were pretty much on that same, instilled those principles in us about trying to not be in debt and getting a mortgage you can afford, not paying for our cars outright, basically, is what we were kind of raised with. It's that Grand Rapids community, man. I know. It was grandma's wisdom, like you say all the time.

That Dutch reform movement, man. It's a big deal i love it i love it i've had a i've had a heart connection to grand rapids for 30 years it's amazing it's strong there it's in the water yeah very good you guys way to go man congratulations how does it feel to not have a payment in the world and you're not even 40 oh my goodness it's a relief it's hard believe even. So it was like we could do anything. Yeah. That's awesome. What's the secret? You guys have done something that very few people have done. What would you say is the secret to not just getting debt free, but paying off your house?

For me, it was definitely don't let anything that gets you down or bumps that get in the way make you think it's impossible. We had several bumps along the way. We have five pregnancies and adoption. We started a business. We actually moved houses and renovated one. There's a lot of different things. Cars die in the six years.

Everything was a setback. But we got back up and said, we're doing it for our kids we're doing it for our future and we're doing it so we can be generous and outrageously generous in the future so and i think recognizing too all those little bumps we were able to pay in cash for them so even though it felt like oh darn that was one extra house payment that we're not able to do he would always remind me like yeah but we but we're still winning. We're paying in cash for this. Yeah. So recognizing the little victories is important too.

Yeah. You're not going backward. No. You just slowed your forward. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. That's a good perspective.

Yeah. Because you can lose hope if everything slows down too much. You don't feel like you're going to get there. You don't feel like you've got traction. But as long as you're moving in the right direction, even if it's a small step and a few of the months are a little slow because something else comes up you just keep going just keep pushing ahead that's very strong yeah yeah and it sometimes it felt like the hits just kept coming but again we just tried to have that perspective of this is for our children this is a legacy it's something that's passed to us and

it's important to pass on so well you make a good point that any of those setbacks became kind of inconveniences, but you had the cash to cover them. So many people that are up to their eyeballs in debt, they're living paycheck to paycheck. When they get a setback, it becomes an emergency and stressful and anxiety, and you guys were able to pay for them. That in itself is such a gift that you guys worked hard because you set yourself up that way.

Yeah, and we had to be really intentional about getting our income up um which is why it took us a bit because we started a small business and we did it with cash and we grew it slowly but something that kind of surprised me was like our house is paid off oh we still have that income coming in yeah we get to keep this money yeah so much of it went towards paying the house, so we're kind of like, wait a minute. This might work out. Who thought? Way to go, guys. I'm so proud of you.

Thank you. And how does it feel to be free? Just amazing. It's just amazing. I feel so proud for my kids, actually. How many kids? Four of them. Four boys.

Four, all right. Four boys all under seven. Whoa. That's why kids? Four of them. Four boys. Four, all right. Four boys all under seven. Whoa. That's why we're here without them. Wow. I get it. You earned a vacation in so many ways. That's right.

Okay. So outside of the two of you, who were your biggest cheerleaders, people cheering you on? Our biggest cheerleader is probably my sister. She was the one that I would call when I was feeling down. But ironically, she was real skeptical of Dave at the beginning. She just watched us, and I think she had some other exposure to Dave, and she actually went through your – she's a financial coach now. Oh, wow.

All the way. She went from a skeptic. She was like, I don't know what you guys are listening to, but that's not how the world works. She became our biggest cheerleader, really. I love it. That's fun. So we brought her all the way into the fold.

Oh, yeah, definitely. All right. She's a disciple. She's a disciple. Yeah. I love it. Way to go, guys. Way to go.

I'm so proud of you. Thank you. What a wonderful thing you've done. You've got to feel accomplished. Yeah. You've got to feel powerful. Yeah. It feels great.

Very cool. got to feel accomplished yeah you gotta feel powerful yeah that feels great very cool not even 40 years old and a paid for house worth almost three hundred thousand dollars very cool we got a copy of the legacy journey for you that's what you've done has changed your legacy for those boys and all the generations after you and the things you're going to be able to do with generosity you're going to be amazing and a copy of total money makeover for you to give away get somebody started on their journey uh they've been inspired by watching you probably, and you maybe didn't even realize it. So that will be there in your hands for you to work with as well. So good job.

Josh and Jillian, Grand Rapids, Michigan, $90,000 paid off. That's their house and everything. Took them six years and two months, making $30,000 up to $90,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah!

Out there in the wild, folks, how many 40-year-olds do you meet with a paid-for $300,000 house making under $100,000? None! That's a beautiful thing. Paid for house. I mean, we're seeing it again and again and again. It's just, it's mind-blowing. But also, it's really cool to hear these stories because the more common they are, the more people are going to hear this and go, oh, it's possible.

And not only that, if they can do it, I can do it. It gives them that hope. Hey, maybe you could do something different. I love how he said, that's not the way the world works. It's like, yeah, the world is broke. If you listen to that, you're going to stay broke. You can do it differently. And they did.

Well, that's why we call them weird. Yeah. Because 78% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. So just being in control is weird. Getting out of debt and paying off your house by the time you're 40? Oh, you're just a freak. I love it. It's awesome.

The best kind of freak. The best kind of freak. The kind of freaks we love. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. We'll be right back. Christy Wright, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Her new book, Take Back Your Time, The Guilt-Free Guide to Life Balance, comes out tomorrow. The pre-sale specials are up today. If you want the deal, go to RamseySolutions.com.

Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee. It means even if you mismeasure or you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. Free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best possible deal. Today's question comes from Adam in Alabama. My wife and I have two sides to our business. One is catering and the other is full service restaurant.

We started these businesses three years ago and they are debt free. With COVID still prevalent, we have taken a significant hit with low sales, supply chain issues and staffing problems. My wife ties her identity and self-worth to the success of this business, but I would be glad to close it down. She wants to take a loan to keep us afloat and I'm not in agreement with this plan. Should I hold on and struggle and even go into debt? I know the answer is no, but how can I do it when my spouse is against me and afraid of the future? Well, there's a lot going on here. A lot. I mean, the obvious is you and your spouse need to get on the same page regardless of what you do. And you know, Adam, that we're never going to tell you to take out a loan. But even if you don't take out a loan, and even regardless of what path you take with

a business, you still need to get on the same page with your spouse. You and your wife need to get on the same page with the vision, get to the root of what her fears are, what she's struggling with, and so on. The other thing is, just from a business standpoint, I can't help but want to dig into that and go, okay, what's the real problem? Yeah, you may be having some struggles, and yes, some of it is COVID, but is there a way to say, okay, we're going to maybe shut down the restaurant and go all in on catering? Or maybe we're going to downsize a little bit, scale back to where,

because we have staffing issues, we're going to do just the pieces that we can do ourselves. Or, you know, I just, I like to problem solve, but sometimes when you're just sad or scared or overwhelmed, it feels bigger than it is. It feels more impossible than it is. I actually put that on Instagram today. You know, sometimes when you're overwhelmed, things just feel bigger, scarier, and more impossible than they actually are. So I wonder if some of these are not very fixable problems, Adam, that if you could fix these problems, the business could do better, the sales would improve, you don't have to take out a loan, obviously, which we're not going to tell you to do, and you and your spouse can get on the same page for the vision. And obviously, her identity doesn't need to be attached to it. But as a business owner, you know this, Dave,

you can't totally emotionally separate yourself from the success of the business because it is your baby. There's an aspect of it that's healthy, and then you don't want it to be, well, my sole source of identity is here. We know that. So it's a lot. It's a lot that's going on, I feel like, in this question. Yeah, it's unhealthy to not tie some of your identity and some of your self-worth to your business

because you're pouring yourself into it. And to completely detach from that would make you a psychopath. Yeah, you care. And so you actually care about it, and it's my thing. It's something I pour a lot into. So it would be unhealthy to do that what i don't like hearing is she ties her identity and self-worth to the success of the business so what you have to do is you have to back yourself up and say okay there are some things in this that i can control

for those things i'm going to tie my some of my self-worth and some of my identity to it and i'm gonna get my butt in gear and i'm gonna push some stuff around and make it happen because i care right uh then there's things you can't control you can't make people come to work in the restaurant business right now when they're being paid to sit at home by the stupid federal government everywhere you go high-end low-end restaurants and anything that is service industry is struggling with labor shortage because they're sitting at home until the federal government stops that i mean that's just that's not something you'd caused so i'm not gonna if i'm you i'm not gonna go oh i did something wrong i feel bad about me i can't get labor and so we have to scale this back to the labor that i can get which is me and

thee right and um and whatever else i mean however many kids we had whatever we're we're all gonna be in here working but i can't make anybody else work. Yeah. And I can't make supply chain stuff be right. Right. I can't make, I mean, we're fighting, scratching with these paper people. There's a paper shortage now. Get these books out. Your books are in. Coleman's books are in.

We've got books scheduled for January. I'm buying paper for them now because I know that we've got a supply chain problem. But I can't say, oh, there's a paper shortage, and so I feel bad about me. No, I feel like there's a paper shortage. Right. I don't need to feel bad. Nothing had to do with you. My identity is not tied to that.

So it gets real cliche, but sometimes pieces of something have to die for something to grow, or even the whole thing dies for something to grow back. Where there's this much manure, there's plenty of opportunity to grow. That's for sure. And we've had the same thing around here, kiddo. I mean, we've been pivoting so much, I feel like I'm just chasing a dog chasing its tail, changing stuff and moving things around, how we deliver products and what a book tour used to look like to what it looks like today there's not one now we do it all virtual uh because the people

in new york have lost their ever-loving minds in the media world uh what you know they want us to like put our first born in a vault or something just to go see them and it's just like you people are nuts forget it and so no you're not going going to extract my DNA for me to come into your studio. You've lost your dadgum minds. So we have to adjust and pivot the whole thing. And so I think that this is God whispering to your wife to get this business in its proper perspective within her psyche. Because it's going to kill her if it succeeds and and it owns her it'll ride her into the grave yeah if it fails and it owns her it'll

ride her into the grave so she's got to get back on top of it and start owning it there's nothing wrong we're we're confirming that you should care deeply we're confirming that you should care deeply. We're confirming that it should hurt your feelings, that your business that you built is failing due to nothing that you did wrong. I mean, you've got government interference, you've got economic interference, labor shortages, and supply chain shortages. You did nothing wrong. It hurts your feelings, and you grieve that, as Deloney would say. And, you know, all of that is normal.

But I think this is the opportunity not to take out a loan, but instead to decide who owns what. Does the business own her or does she own it? And if she owns it, she can close part of it. I own this. I don't want to close any of it. It's too dead gum hard to open, but i will close it and then i'll still be here i'll still be here and i'll still be whole and i'll be sad yeah but um but i you know

if we shut down something that i love here because it doesn't work anymore i'll be sad i've done it before i've closed down the whole business units here that just didn't work. And I had invested millions of dollars and a lot of my emotion into, and it hurts. But I'm also still here. Because I own it. It doesn't own me. And really, I think that's the core atom of what you all got to do. It's not about do I go along with my spouse.

The answer is no. You don't go along with your spouse because your spouse is not functioning well here is what you're saying yeah and i like how you made that distinction too of you're going to control what you can control and we always say this but control what you can control what does that look like in light of the problems you're facing what you can do what you can fix what is right for you given everything you're coming up against and those things that you can't control you you can't. You let those go and you separate your identity and your self-worth from all these outside challenges that have nothing to do with you that you didn't do. And I just think that's a really helpful distinction.

Yeah. I cannot control what the Biden administration does. They may close me down. They may put me out of business. I can't control it. I can't control what they do. The only thing I can control is what I can control, and that's me. And whether I stand, whether I stand on principle, whether I'm a person of integrity,

and whether I've done the best I can do with what was in front of me, and then sometimes it still doesn't work. And out of that is always born, out of those ashes is a phoenix always rises up. And it's very cliche, but there's a reason for those cliches is it happens. Happens all the time. The death of a relationship is the birth of something new. The death of a business is the birth of a new idea out of those ashes. It happens all the time.

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