The Ramsey Show - App - Should We Wait to Get Married Until We're Debt-Free? (Hour 2)

Episode Date: August 21, 2018

The show about you

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Dave Ramsey Show. Where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thank you for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Tyree starts off this hour in Baltimore, Maryland. Hi, Tyree.

How are you? Hey, how you doing today, Dave? Thanks for taking my call. Certainly, sir. How can I help? We're new listeners. I just became a truck driver about a year ago.

We make about $70,000 a year. We have a household of six. My fiance is in school to be an RN. She has about two years left. We have two cars. One of them is broke and one of them is on his last leg. We pay about $1,350 of money in rent.

We really want to buy a house, but we don't know how to get started. We're still living check to check, and something's not going right. We don't know what you mean about loading up your 401. We just started that. And I have about $9,600 in debt from a car repo. So I really don't know what to do from here. It's like we make a decent amount of money so far, and it's not working for us, and we have zero savings.

What do you make now as your truck driver? Right now I make about $70,000. I'm scheduled to make about $70,000 to $80,000 this year. Good. Are you over the road or in town? No, I'm local. Okay, good. And so you've got four kids.

Yes. Okay. And when are you and your fiancé getting married? That's the question we would have. We want to get married today, but she has about $20,000 in debt, and I have only $96,000. We're trying to see if it's smarter to get married now or wait until we buy a house, or what should we do? It doesn't change anything except makes everything you're doing much easier from a legal standpoint when you're married. You should not buy a house until you get these messes cleaned up.

You need to get you a decent car or two. We've got to get your debts paid off, and we need to build an emergency fund. No, you don't need to be investing in your 401K right now. Let me back up a couple steps, okay? What we teach, Tyree, is a program called the Baby Steps, and I've done it for 30 years with people, and I did it myself, and it works. Okay? In other words, what step to take first, what step to take second,

what step to take third, and so on. The very first thing I want you to do is stop all investing and get on a written budget in detail. Go to everydollar.com, download the app for your phone and or for your desktop computer, and you and your fiancé sit down and do that. You don't have to be debt-free to get married. You don't have to buy a house to get married. You got four kids.

You might as well get married. Yes. There's no difference, okay? You're acting like you're married every way but legally. Exactly. So you might as well. So if I were in your shoes, that's what I would do. What are you, 20?

Are you 32? We are. I am 36, and she is 29. Okay, almost like I've done this before. Okay. Yeah, that's where you're sitting. And so, you know, it's time to kind of wrap this decade of your 20s up and move on into the rest of the way into adulthood.

And let's formalize this, put together a family unit where your grandma's smiling. Okay? Yeah. And we get, you know, so number one, I would go ahead and get married. There's nothing holding you back on that. Get a written plan going on your budget. When does she graduate and get her RN? In 2020.

Okay, good. All right, so it's going to be a little while. Is she working while she's studying? No, not right now. We just found out that she's pregnant. Okay, with your fifth. Yes. Well, that's another pregnant. Okay, with your fifth. Yes. That's another really good reason to get married then.

Okay. Okay. So anyway, and how is she paying for nursing school? She has student loans. That's the $20,000 in student loans so far? Yes. Okay. All right.

So baby step number one, once we've gotten you on a budget in detail, we've stopped all investing. We're going to squeeze every dollar out of this budget and make every dollar behave and work towards your long-term goals. Now, one of the things you learn about money, and I learned this from rich people, because I didn't grow up rich. Did you grow up rich? Not at all.

Okay. So I had to learn from rich people how to handle money. And one of the things I learned is they are not afraid to delay pleasure to win. Every decision they make with money, they think about the long-term consequences. So it sounds like they don't have as much fun, but, buddy, when they have fun, they have big fun. In other words, you pay a price. You live like no one else. You buckle down.

You coupon. You work extra jobs. You don't go out to eat, and you don't do what feels good right now you live like no one else so that later though baby you can live and give like no one else and you can change your family tree these kids could be left wealthy you're only in your 30s you can still build you could still become a millionaire before you pass easily easily but you're going to have to get control, and I'm going to show you how. Baby step one, the first thing you do when you buckle everything down is you save $1,000. Once you've saved $1,000, then stop saving.

Then we're going to list your debts, smallest debt to largest debt. Now, your smallest debt is your $9,600, then the largest one's the $22,000. Are there any other debts? Not at all. Good. Okay, let's keep these old broken cars running for a while and limp along with them for right now. They're basic transportation.

They're bad. We don't want to live like this. We're going to drive like no one else, so later we can drive like no one else. Okay? So let's keep those things running, get that emergency fund in place, then let's pay off these two debts. That's $30,000 gets you out of debt. Yes.

And you make $100,000 because now you work extra. Okay. I'm with you. All right, here we go. It's game on, man. All right, so we're going to pay off $30,000. That's going to take you, with five kids, a new one on the way, it's going to take you over a year.

But it's not going to take you 10 years. But I'm talking beans and rice, rice and beans. You have no freaking life. All you do is work and pay debt. All she does is work, feed babies, and pay debt. That's all we do. We're getting this debt gone. Because if you don't have any payments, all of a sudden, you've got some wiggle room in this budget.

And then you can start. You build your emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. And then you save up and buy you a little better car or two. Because you do need to move up in car after you've built your emergency fund. So after you're out of debt, then you accept your house. Oh, you don't have a house yet. We're going to save up and do that later. Okay.

Do you think we're paying too much in rent? Probably. But you are in Baltimore. It's pretty expensive there. If you can get something cheaper, you know, rent is just patience. Rent is camping. We're just doing this for now until we can get the money saved to buy a house. And the more we pay in rent, the longer it's going to take for us to buy a house and get out of debt.

So hold on. I'm going to send you a copy of the book, The Total Money Makeover. You read that book, do every single thing it says, and you'll be all right, my man. Thank you for calling. Can you believe this real estate market? Home shopping has become so competitive. There's a ton of new buyers in the market, and bidding wars are the new normal. Folks are under a lot of pressure to offer more money to get into that house. Don't do that.

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Check all of it at DaveRamsey.com or go to Chris's website at ChrisHogan360.com. Everyday Millionaires, how ordinary people built extraordinary wealth and how you can too. Very, very cool. That's fun. I feel like Santa Claus right here in the middle of summer. Well, end of summer, whatever it is. Will is with us. Will is in Columbia, South Carolina. Hey, Will hey will how are you i'm doing great dave thanks for taking my call

sure what's up yeah so um about a year and a half ago i got married to a wonderful woman and um she's an international student she's working on her phd here in columbia south carolina and electrical engineering and uh she's here on a Fulbright scholarship. We didn't realize it at the time, but once we got married, we found out that she cannot become a citizen until after she fulfills a two-year obligation to her country, her home country, Paraguay in South America. I've been a long-time listener of you, and I got her on board with you, and so we're

walking through the baby steps. We've knocked out one, two, and three, and we've got a little baby now, and we're doing four, five, and six. But I'm kind of concerned because I have no idea what I'm going to do in Paraguay. We don't know what the future really looks like at all. It's very unclear. What does she have to do? Military service or something?

What's the two-year thing she has to do? Is that a U.S. thing or a Paraguay thing? It's a collaborative thing. It's a requirement because Paraguay actually contributed money, but so did the United States. Oh, because of her scholarship? Yes, sir. Oh, I see. Okay.

All right. Wow. What do you do for a living now? I'm also an engineer. Okay. And can you get the equivalent of a green card there and work for two years while she fulfills this for two years? I'm certainly going to try.

Okay. I don't know how this works either. I'm pretty ignorant about it. But basically what you're saying is we kind of got to put a full stop on everything and move to Paraguay for two years. Yes, sir. And we're not even sure exactly when that's going to be. That's probably about a year or so out at a minimum based on where she's at in her program. I would stop everything and pile up as much cash as you can pile.

Okay. Well, here's the thing, Sir Ramsey. I've had the pause button on for a while because I had to put myself through college. I used the GI Bill. I'm a veteran. So back in 2011, I started engineering school. And so I was put in retirement, but I wasn't fully funding. I only have about, I'm 35 years old.

I only have about $45,000 in retirement. So you've got to move to Paraguay. I don't care. Okay. Who cares? I mean, you don't have a choice, dude. What's your option? I just thought you're so have a choice, dude. What's your option? I just thought you're so much smarter than I am.

You might figure something out for me. Here's the thing, though. You're okay. It's good to be concerned. That's smart. To worry is not smart. Because here's the thing. Let's say she finishes up, what, in two years, you said?

Year to two years. Possibly, yes. Okay, so you're 37 when you leave. You're 39 when you get back. Right? Mm-hmm. And you have two engineers working from 40 to 65. You're going to be multimillionaires.

Hmm. Think about it. Thanks for that affirmation. Yeah, two engineers' income, starting at age 39 with no debt, the emergency funds in place. You'll fill up all those. You're going to buy a house. You're going to get it paid off in place. You'll fill up all those, you know, you're going to buy a house. You're going to get it paid off. You're going to fill up all those 401ks.

And you're going to be a millionaire. You're probably going to be a multimillionaire, depending on what type of engineering you're in and how you choose to apply that in the marketplace, that career choice of yours. But you're going to be fine. But, dude, you've got to cover this. It's the uncertainty of how much money you'll make while you're in Paraguay that is why you have to pile up the cash. Best case scenario is you don't need the cash.

You come home and use it, and you dump it into a wealth building, and you rock right on, right? Worst case is you have to use some of it because you have trouble getting employment while you're there. Are high health care costs getting you down? Are you confused trying to navigate your options? Do you wish you could find an affordable, biblical solution to your health care costs? Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, helps Christian families, churches, and ministries join together as the body of Christ to share their major healthcare costs. Christian Healthcare Ministries is the original health cost-sharing ministry. A Better Business Bureau-accredited organization, CHM members share to pay each other's medical bills. It's not insurance. It's Christians financially and spiritually supporting each other. It's what Christian Healthcare Ministries has done for over 35 years, and our members have

shared over $2.5 billion in medical bills. To learn more, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. Christian Healthcare Ministries is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. chministries.org. Christian Healthcare Ministries is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. chministries.org. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, Sean and Courtney are with us. Hey, guys, how are you? Hi, Dave. Better than we deserve. Welcome.

Where do you guys live? We live in Niceville, Florida. We're from Vermont. We're stationed in Niceville, Florida. Serving in the Air Force, I'm guessing. Yes, sir. Yeah, well, thank you for your service. Thank you.

Very well done. The Pensacola base, yeah. Cool. Very cool. Welcome. So you're here to do a debt-free scream. Yes, sir. How much have you paid off?

We have paid off $151,081.48. Give or take. Way to go. How long did this take? 22 months. Whoa, and a great job. And your range of income during that time? We ranged between $110,000 to $120,000.

Okay. Very cool. What kind of debt was this? Well, $125,000 was student loans. Good old Sally Mae. Kicked her out. Yep. And we had $20,000 in car loans.

I had a car, a truck. And then we had $6,000 in a 401k loan that we used for house renovations. Gotcha. So, did you sell anything? Yeah. John sold his truck. Ooh, John. How much did it bring?

$16,000. We owed only $14,000, so there was actually a little bit of a positive to that. Got you a little money to buy another car then. And then pretty much cleaned out the gun safe. Oh, whoa. And I could probably write a book about the encounters I've had over Craigslist. Bet.

Wow. What kind of guns did you sell? A little bit of everything. Yeah. Ouch. That was tough. Wow. Yeah. Ouch. Ouch. Wow. Okay.

Good. So what did all the miscellaneous things in addition to the truck bring, the guns and the other stuff? I think if you count what the truck took off the debt plus what we sold, it added about $20,000 to everything. Okay. So another $4,000 basically. Okay. Because it sold for $16,000, right? It sold for $16,000, yeah.

Another $4,000 or $5,000. Yeah. Okay. Because it sold for $16,000, right? It sold for $16,000, yeah. Another $4,000 or $5,000. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Good job. Good job. So what happened 22 months ago? Well, Dave, about two and a half years ago, we found out that we were going to be stationed in Florida.

We were living in Vermont at the time. Had no idea who Dave Ramsey was. But before we left, we said, hey, you know, this might be a good chance to get ahead of our finances a little bit, you know, chip away at a little bit of the debt we had. We're making a great income. And it just felt like, you know, we never had any money left over. Yeah, fresh start. So we had our plan when we got down to Florida. And, you know, to let you know how that plan went, about two weeks into moving there, I was thinking about trading my truck for a Corvette. So needless to say, my plans suck. But so just driving around, I'm a big talk radio guy. And I came across your show one day and I was

like, oh, this is really entertaining. I started listening to it. And a couple of weeks into it, I realized, you know, this isn't so funny because this is us, except we're not doing anything about it. So much for the entertainment value. Yeah, it was like, oh, wow, that really took the wind out of my sails. So I just got mad at that point. It was like, you know, I finally realized, you know, Sally Mae and all the other stuff just wasn't allowing us to live the life that we wanted to live.

You were a slave. Exactly. You're a slave. Exactly. We were a slave. So Courtney had no idea at this point because I'd just been listening to it on the base, driving back and forth to appointments and stuff. And so I wasn't really sure how to break it to her. I knew not to come home and tell her we were selling her car because I'd heard enough of the show to realize that was a bad idea.

Okay, good. So I bought the Total Money Makeover audio book and came home and said, Hey, would you listen to this with me? And she said, yeah, sure. And I'd kind of given her a little bit of an idea, you know, that I had been listening to this crazy guy on the radio. And so she was intrigued. We put the CD in the truck and just went for a drive. And it was really nice to listen to it together at the same time because a lot of the things that you'd talk about we'd kind of look over and have that yeah that's that's us uh there's a lot of opportunities to press pause and kind of talk through some things and um it was

a it was a really good way and after that after that drive um we just came back and we're like you know what we're gonna tear into this we're We're going to tear into this. We're on board. She jumped right on board. I didn't really have to convince her. You're more eloquent than me. So the audio book was great. Courtney, I think he handled this like perfectly. He did. I mean, that was textbook right there. I mean, he didn't come home and start announcing a bunch of crazy stuff. He just went, would you listen to this with me? And it worked. It worked worked it all made sense good very cool so you lined up and uh you pay off 150 well you mean when you go for something you go for it well we said you know if we're going to do this

we're going to all in and uh i knew that she was on board um i still remember the gas pump that we're at at the base um that we were at at the base. And we were still driving the truck at the time. And it was a couple months into it. And she's like, you know what? She's like, why don't, cause we had talked about getting a downsizing in car or whatever. And she said, why don't we just sell your truck? And just, we'll go down to one vehicle for the time. And there was actually a lot bigger sacrifice for her because she works full-time. I work full-time, but the way the logistics worked out, I would be the one with the car and picking her up, and she was just kind of stranded at work that whole time. And I just said, you know what, we're going to kill this.

We're just going to hit the pedal to the metal and get right through it. So you go from upgrading to a Corvette all the way down to one car. One car, yeah. That's a huge swing in the decision-making process for you guys. Well done! Well done. Do you have people cheering you on or saying you're crazy? A little bit of both, for sure.

There was definitely people who thought we were kind of weird, bringing our lunch to work every day and sharing a car. But we got plugged into FEU, and we really had some good mentors there. Oh, good. You went to the class. Yeah, Gray and Carrie. Shout out to them. Yeah, we taught, too, to kind of keep the momentum going in our church.

So that was really great, too. Oh, you led the class, too. Okay, wow. Good. Very good. It does help you. It really does. I think taking the class is important.

I think leading it might be more. Yeah. Because you don't have a choice. You've got to do it when you're leading. I mean, it's like you can't be screwing off. You've got to be game on. Exactly. And to be honest, some of the things that the people in our class were inspiring us to

because just the way that they were getting after everything. Wow. Well, that's very cool. Well, congratulations, you guys. I'm proud of you. Thank you. And Dave, I just wanted to add one thing. We are incredibly grateful to everything that you've done. I'm proud of you. Thank you. And Dave, I just wanted to add one thing. We are incredibly

grateful to everything that you've done. Everyone at Ramsey Solutions, it's just been a complete paradigm shift for us. Just embracing this something that is completely foreign to us, because we didn't get it growing up. And it just

has changed our life. Not to mention that we had a baby in the middle of it. Woo-hoo! Yeah, and of course I wanted to keep pushing through and just get the debt paid off, but the voice of reason was like, maybe we should stash up the money and press pause on the snowball.

And so I remember that last 40 grand or so when our daughter was born in late December and it was a couple weeks after she came back. I think there was no big dramatic moment or anything. We woke up one morning from what little sleep we had gotten and just logged on the computer, paid the debt off, went back to sleep, done. Just like that. It's just amazing.

We're debt free. And this has allowed me to stay home with her, and that has been huge. We were able to kind of make that decision based on what's best for our family instead of our finances, kind of controlling that decision. So you don't take your lunch to work anymore. You take your work to lunch. Yeah. Wow. Way to go, you guys.

Thank you. That's so fun. Very, very proud of you thank you well we've got a copy of chris hogan's book retire inspired for you that is the next chapter in your story to be millionaires you're well on your way and uh man oh man congratulations so very well done and your baby's name is reagan reagan okay we're gonna Okay. Are we going to put Reagan in the shot here? Oh, we got the headphones so that she doesn't freak out. That's a good idea. Some of these parents scare their kids to death by screaming. Yeah.

That's good. I love it. All right. Sean and Courtney and Reagan from Pensacola. $151,000 paid off in 22 months, making $110,000 to $120,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one.

We're debt-free! That's how you do it right there, man. I love it. Awesomeness. Absol. Awesomeness. Absolute awesomeness. Hey, you listening on the radio, it's your turn. Yeah. You ready?

Set. Go. set, go. I get asked all the time about what people need to do to improve their family's money situation. Two of the most overlooked things are term life insurance and disability insurance. Both plans make sure that you have income to pay bills and take care of yourself and your family if something were to happen. For term life, you need to carry 10 to 12 times your income, and I recommend 15 or 20-year plans for most families. Stay away from cash value or return of premium plans. They're just a ripoff. Disability insurance is just as critical.

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Says the guy who's struggling with money his whole life. Adults devise a plan and follow it. One definition of maturity is the ability to delay pleasure. The Bible says no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but it yields a harvest of righteousness. One of the things we struggle with in our culture today is we have a manhood crisis, the wussification of America. But occasionally, more often than you might think when we know he's a man, not a boy. when a guy sells his truck, sells his guns,

and serves his country in order to take care of his wife and kid, in order to get out of debt, in order to prosper, that's what you call a man. Little boys stomp their foot with a red face and say, I'm not selling my truck. I deserve this. You don't deserve anything unless you've saved up and paid for it. You bought something you didn't deserve, and that's why you have debt.

Adults defies a plan and follow it. Children do what feels good. That last debt-free scream, that guy's impressive. He took the initiative. He brought home the idea. He gently, carefully, with kindness and love, presented it to his wife. She

bought in. The two of them together make a fearsome team. He sold his guns and his truck. And let me just tell you, some of you ladies don't understand that necessarily, but I'm a truck guy and a gun guy. And I admire a real man that will sacrifice for his family.

You can get you some more guns and you can get you some more trucks. But you only get one shot at being a man. Well, that's probably not true. You probably could choose to do it tomorrow, I guess. You'll probably get a shot every morning. But you get a shot at being a grown-up. You know, some of the millennials call it, I'm adulting now. Being an adult has become a verb.

And that's true if you're a woman or a man, isn't it? Adults devise a plan and follow it. Children do what feels good. I meet men that are 18 years old. I meet men that are 65 years old. I meet selfish, little spoiled brats of all ages. And you do too, don't you?

As a matter of fact, I've actually been both. Have you? I've been the guy. I want my stuff. I deserve you. You ever had a good wine party? I didn't say wine. I said wine.

You want some wine? Some cheese with that wine? Have you ever done that? I've done that. I used to think whining was a little known form of prayer. But something about the pain of going through losing everything with Shannon and I and something about us saying never again and I don't ever want to be here again. Did you hear him say that? I don't ever want to be here again. I don't ever want to be here again. Did you hear him say that? I don't ever want to be here again. I don't ever want to live like this again. Something about doing that that grows you up, doesn't it? And it makes you a full-grown woman.

It makes you a full-grown man, an adult. Adults devise a plan and follow it. Children do what feels good. Does that mean adults never do anything impulsive no it just means we plan our impulses you know if you'll quit taking random stupid tiny little road trips you could take a world-class cruise with what you spend on all that stuff you know if you quit buying cars you can't afford, you can have some nice cars. You know, you quit, you follow me?

I mean, this is really not rocket science, people. But it just struck me, that guy, our last debt-free screamer there. I run into him occasionally. I remember the first time that happened many, many years ago. I was teaching Financial Peace University with an overhead projector and a bad suit. I used to teach it live. And we'd gather in a circle after I taught the lesson. And this great big old guy, he was a country boy from Kentucky.

And he must have been probably 6'6", 6'7", and just solid. And I watched his wife, who was a tiny little lady, beautiful little lady, completely tear up and tell the whole group in the small group setting how proud she was. Her husband had sold his knife collection, which was apparently a world-class knife collection. It brought like $10,000. I mean, it was apparently a world-class knife collection. It brought like $10,000. I mean, it was legitimate.

Let me tell you, if you're a good old boy from Kentucky, you sell your knife collection to take care of your family, for your family to get out of debt. You know what that means? It means you're a man. He put his family first above his selfish little boyhood desires. And oh, by the way, you can get some more knives. If you live like no one else later, you can live and give like no one else.

And the giving is more fun anyway. But it is the answer to some of the things that are bothering our culture right now. Most people are so worried about their own needs and their own rights rather than worried about others. It's part of what's breaking the civility down, where some of you people just have completely lost your minds in the midst of political conversations, in the midst of... You can't have a discussion with some of these people anymore. They're just nuts.

And all of that has to do with selfishness and fear instead of serving and strength. Think about it, it'll come to you. Adults devise a plan and follow it. I got a hold of a piece of research several years ago, probably about 15 years ago, when I was continuing to grow and work on this idea of teaching people how to handle money. And this show was getting very popular. And I remember the research that said that the typical person who is wealthy, when they make a purchase decision, when they make any decisions with money, matter of fact, when they make almost any decisions,

they think about how it's going to impact their lives 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now. Broke people. Think about Friday. Living for the weekend! That's kind of cute, but it's pretty adolescent. And isn't it kind of, I mean, is there anything uglier than a 58-year-old party animal? I mean, living for the weekend! I guess that's okay if you're 18, but when you're 58, isn't it time to grow up? And really, at 18, isn't it time to

grow up? I mean, you're not 13 anymore. Think about it, folks. We worship youth in this culture instead of wisdom. Perfect hair instead of gray hair. But maybe there's something lost when we do that. Think long term. Serve your family.

Live like no one else so that later you can live and give like no one else. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but it yields a harvest of righteousness. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Did you know that in 2017, Dave Ramsey Show listeners paid off $50 million of debt? That's pretty impressive. And it could be you this year. Keep listening for more inspiration.