The Ramsey Show - App - Single Moms: What To Do When Your Partner Leaves You? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: May 22, 2020

Anython ONeal, John Delony, Relationships Tools to get you started: Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR

live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions broadcast from the Darling Car Rental Studio this is the Dave Ram ramsey show where america hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money sitting in for dave i'm anthony o neil joined by my co-host dr john deloni how we doing man i am doing well how about yourself bro outstanding doing good doing good that's awesome that Listen, you guys, we're taking your questions live on the air today. If you want to give us a call, 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225. Dr. D and myself will be answering your questions. I'm going to be talking about money.

I'm going to be talking about life. Dr. D, what are you talking about, bro? What are you doing here? I don't know, man. There's all these people out in the studio they came to see the one and only handsome d ramsey and they got you and me what i'm doing here we're talking about relational iq we're talking about relationships with yourself with your families with your husband your wife your kids your co-workers everything doing human 101

man human 101 we've all gone nuts and we're trying to get it back wait you said we all have gone nuts most of us but you most of us but you say because i'm not going nuts i'm i'm doing pretty good right now as a guy who sits in the in the office cubicle next to you anthony you i'm gonna beg to differ but it's good it's good we're talking about life man how has it been joining this team? And how has your journey been? It's good. It was something way out of left field. I worked for, you know, almost two decades to get where I was and working at colleges and universities. And this came out of left field and looked like the scariest, hardest route to take.

Wow. And we went for it. Wow. My wife and I burned the boats and jumped. And this place has been, I could never have dreamed, just for America to know, that Dave isn't just a talk show host talking head. Like, they run this organization the way he talks about it, practices what he preaches.

And in a world where there's so little integrity and so little, there's so much noise and so little people backing up with the way they live, man, it's been pretty extraordinary being here. Man, that's awesome. That's awesome. Well, listen, you guys, we're going to be talking about your money. Any questions you have around Human 101, any questions around your mind, what you're thinking, how should you be processing some things. If you're nervous, if you're scared about this coronavirus and going back to work, we want to answer your questions.

So give us a call. Triple eight, eight, two, five, five, two, two, five, triple eight, eight, two, five, five,2255, 888-255-2255. Kelly is standing by right now. She's ready to take your phone calls, and we're going to be here for a whole hour just having a conversation about your life and your money. So, hey, let's talk about this, man. You have some people who are about to go back to work. Some people are already back to work, like us. We are back in our office. Some people are nervous. Some people are scared. Some people are already back to work like us. We are back in our office.

Some people are nervous. Some people are scared. Some people are freaking out. Let's be real. What should we be doing now? How should we be thinking and processing what's going on right now? That's an awesome question. So I've been doing crisis for response for years and years. My job forever has been showing up in places where nobody wants to be when things are just a mess yeah and we had a skeleton crew here throughout the the quarantine here in nashville as they kind of uh started unrolling everything but there was always 20 of us or so here you and i would see each other every once in a while and then when they opened the doors here and all thousand people came back, Tennessee, you know, sent everybody back to work.

I'll be honest, the first couple of days, it was weird, right? Yeah. Because the thing about this virus is the people are the weapon, right? Our friends and our neighbors and people at churches, now they got a scan in the environment everywhere. So I think it's important to know that fear is normal. It's real. You're a weirdo if you're not nervous to go back to work. Fight, flight, or freeze, those are three ways people respond and everybody does it differently so dave and i've

been talking about this on the show a lot i mean you gotta decide if you're gonna be a jerk and run over people because there's gonna be that dude at the office anthony that wants to hug everybody and high five you so happy to be back and then there's going to be that person who just wants to get in the car in the corner cover up put masks on every part of the everybody's gonna respond differently and so we get to decide whether we're gonna be a jerk and we're gonna try to be right and shove our opinion down there down their throat or we can be kind and respectful know that everybody does grief and fear differently and be good people yeah man you know what here's the thing i'm the type of guy to where i believe we go back to work, but be wise. You know, be wise.

And there's nothing wrong with wearing a mask. There's nothing wrong with wearing gloves. There's nothing wrong with being protective. But then there's nothing wrong with not wearing a mask. You know, we have to respect people wherever they are and wherever their comfort zone in this season is. That's right. You know, we have people around our office right now wearing masks.

And I look at them and respect them the exact same way that I hope that they respect me. Especially in this office. But you know what? I just did a video shoot with Mandisa and we were all in the room and we were practicing social distancing.

And we didn't shake. We didn't hug. We gave it a little fist bump. And it was good. It was cool. But then some people want to hug. And, you know, I'm not really into hugging right now just yet. That's a big change, America. Anthony's always into the hug.

Oh, yeah, I love hugging. You know, I love embracing people and showing them that I care about them. So I can't wait until we figure out what's going on. But at the same time, I had to get back to work, man. I just love helping people. That's right. I love sitting in your chair when Dave is in this chair. I love serving, serving our people.

And so, man, I'm loving it. I'm loving it. How can people connect with you on social media? Where are you at on social media? I am at John Deloney, D-E-L-O-N-Y. YouTube channels, man, it's doing something sideways that I didn't expect. I'm new to the social media world, man. This is all new for me.

I got Instagram like a month or two ago. Did you? And it's just, it's been a blast. You and I shot some shows this past week. We did. Which were real good, man. You being raw and vulnerable and open. And letting me kind of go spelunking down on your soul a little bit.

Yeah, that kind of scared me, you guys. I want you to know Dr. D will have you crying. He will have you saying stuff that you don't want to say. But the conversation was great. It was healthy, and I believe that it will be helping some people. What was one of the questions you asked me? Just how you're processing this this like being a single guy living at home you got a beautiful home you've quote-unquote made it yeah and then all of a

sudden for 10 weeks 11 weeks can't be around anybody and what i'm hearing what my emails are coming in the folks i'm working with across the country is quote-unquote making it it don't matter when you're alone yeah when you're lonely right and so one of my questions to you is how did you how are you have you feel felt through this whole thing have you managed it yeah navigated this and and it's been hard it's been difficult and i want to ask you all this if you're watching this on youtube how have you been throughout the last you know seven eight weeks you know especially for you single people and even married people because i'm pretty sure just because i'm single it's just as hard from from a different perspective oh man a married individual. Would you say that as a married person?

Yeah, I can get lonely in my own house, right, when there's noise and chaos. I've got kids trying to homeschool, and my wife's doing her thing. You learn how to retreat with a smile on your face, right? I can hide in my own head, but you end up getting real lonely. Oh, man. Yeah, and you can be lonely anywhere. You can be lonely in a crowded room. You can be lonely by yourself in a big house.

You can be lonely anywhere. And so it's understanding a crowded room. You can be lonely by yourself in a big house. You can be lonely anywhere. And so it's understanding that, man, this took a toll on us psychologically, but it also was a gift. I'm also hearing from folks who thought, man, we didn't have Little League and soccer practice and band practice. We just got to be home as a family. Wow. And what if we don't have to be so chaotic?

Man. What if we have to run around all the time and be nuts, right? And I'm going to be honest and transparent here on the show. I never thought as a single person I would be lonely as a married person. And so to hear you saying that is just very interesting. Loneliness is a cancer, man. It'll get you. You got to work hard.

Man, listen, you guys. Hey, this is Dr. D, Anthony O'Neal, taking over for Dave Ramsey just for a couple of minutes. Absolutely for a whole hour. If you have any questions, give us a call at 888-825-5225, 888-825-5225, and we'll be right back. Please hear me loud and clear. The government is not going to bail you out of your student loans, at least not completely and not without a catch. What they're talking about only impacts federal, not private loans, and you need to take responsibility

for what you owe and pay your debt down quicker. Right now, Splash Financial is offering their lowest rates ever. With lower rates and extra payments, you could just find yourself debt-free in the next five years. Visit SplashFinancial.com slash Ramsey to see if you qualify. Going out to Washington, we're going to have a conversation with Trevor. Trevor, good afternoon, man. How can Dr. D and I help?

How's it going, Anthony? How's it going, John? Very good, Trevor. How are you? Good, good. So my situation is I co-signed for a friend of mine's student loans about 10, 12 years ago. And I've tried to get myself off the loans just going through her. And she is very adamant about basically just coming up with excuses. I don't know if she's actually followed through with going to any banks to try and refinance it.

And she says that she's been told that she's been denied for financing because of this excuse or that excuse, a late payment six years ago, or this and that. And she's married now and they recently have a child. And it's just kind of one of those things when it's, it's been put on the back burner for so long and I just only see it being put, you know, in the oven now and, and never looked at again. So. Were you all dating at the time when you signed for this? No, actually we were not. We were just really close friends. Her parents

were actually, uh, they didn't want her to go to an out-of-state school. Because they were wise and they loved her. She wanted to go to an out-of-state school. Exactly. Yeah, I guess I should have followed their route. And she really wanted it. She had a school in mind she wanted to go to, and she asked me if I would co-sign for the loan. I did.

It's not for an extremely large amount. How much is a loan? $9,000? $9,000 is what's left on it, Yeah. Very cool. So what's your question today, Trevor? How can we help? Well, the thing is, is there any way out of it? Like, you know, is there any, like, am I allowed to, you know, contact Splash? I hear you guys talk about Splash Financial. Am I allowed to contact them? Like, as far as being a co-signer like what rights do i have to see if i can get myself off of it sort of a thing you know there's one awesome thing you can

do and that's just come up with nine thousand dollars and mail it you signed your name to it stupid tax though hey yeah and make sure you put that in every time you write a check that's right that was dumb that was dumb that was dumb no i mean your heart's good man you had a good friend you're trying to help her out. And the wisdom of the folks who are trying to help you guys help yourselves up. You know, a lot of college students don't pay attention to what their parents have to say. And no fault to you. But it's going to be a $9,000 or $10,000 mistake.

And my recommendation is, man, don't. Your friendship is what your friendship is. You sign your name to this it's all about integrity at this point pay the loan off stop hassling her about it and move on with your life yeah man i'm gonna i'm gonna co-sign on that one man i uh this is one of the reasons why i teach on the money side dr d we we don't co-sign for nobody i don't co-sign for my mama my daddy my my great grandmama my grandmama i don't coign for nobody because I do not want the responsibility and nor do I want to

help somebody get into debt and also I don't want to 10 years from now have a fuzzy messy gross relationship with somebody that I once cared and loved about because of this one thing and here's the thing too Trevor I would recommend call her and hey

can we all have dinner and bring her husband in so hey you know what this is no longer my responsibility um you know i made a mistake um but is there any way that you all can just go ahead and refi this into your own situation get me off of it do something to to get yourself off of it if not then you just have to you got to hang in there and just cut that check or uh just ask her what's the game plan to get it off because this is just not – no. And for those of you all listening right now, that's not what we do. We do not co-sign for nothing, okay? Do not do that.

If you want to help somebody out, give them the money. Give them the money and be done with it. Let it be a gift and let your light shine that way. I love it. Going out to Nebraska, we're going to talk to Brendan. Brendan, how can I help you today? Hi, guys. Thanks for taking my call.

Yeah, thanks for calling in. My question is that I'm getting married in two weeks. I'm 22 years old. Congrats. That's right. Two weeks from today, yeah. Yes, you're beating me. Yes.

By a long time. That's how you do it in Nebraska. Ooh, well played. That was a good Middle America mic drop there. Well played. Wow. I guess I got to move to Nebraska then. All right.

I think you're getting there. Go ahead. Go ahead, Brent. So I just graduated from college and I have no debt, but the marriage will bring on some debt, $28,000. And I have savings right now in a money market account, about $14,000 from time working in college. And I was just wondering with like the 0% interest on student loans kind of through the end of the year. And my money market account isn't doing bad. I'm actually ahead from what I put in.

I'm just wondering if I should take all that money out and direct it towards those loans like immediately. Or if I should start chipping away at the loans with my income. So are you asking should you start chipping away to your fiance's loans right now? Yes, correct. What's your income right now? What are you making a year? I'm just starting a new job after graduation. It's 78.

Okay, 78K. What is she majoring in? What are you majoring in, man? I got a high five at my first job out of college. Software engineering. Oh, that's why. That didn't even exist when I graduated college. We clearly see why he's getting married.

22, no debt, and he's making $78,000. Leaving college with money and retirement already. I love it. Hey, so you're making $78,000 a year. How much will she be making? She has a creative business that she's going to be working herself. She's been doing it for the past couple years. It looks like right now it's a few thousand dollars a month.

Here's going to be my recommendation, Brandon. I don't want you to tap the debt right now. I want you to wait until you get married. Here's your number one concern. You need to go ahead and pay cash for your wedding. So if you're going to use this $14,000 for anything, what I really want you to do is make sure you have three months of your expenses set aside, especially at 22. We suggest three to six months. I'm okay with you having three months, okay, minimum.

But then after that, you need to be saving cash to pay cash for your wedding. Now, once you get married, okay, I have no problem with you helping. Actually, you need to be helping your wife pay off the debt. But right now, the number one concern is make sure you have an emergency fund going into your marriage because that's very important. And then cash flow your marriage. So I know right now you said, hey, there's zero percent interest rate on these student loans. That's great. That's fine. But don't worry about that right now. I want you to go into your marriage healthy. What you got to say about that? Yeah, I would say, and don't pull money out of a money market account. Don't pay off retirement. You're too new to this deal. You're 22 years old. You are clearly way smarter than I was when I was 22. You're making good money. Your wife's making

good money. You got no debt. It should not take long that the money you're making and her creative business gets going and gets launched out into the stratosphere. You have this paid off. You should be able to knock this out in a year. I'd rather see you guys constrict your expenses, your first year of marriage, your first two years of marriage. Don't pull money out of retirement accounts right now. You're too far ahead of the game right now.

So well played, man. Absolutely, absolutely. You guys, these are crazy times, okay? There is so much you can't control right now, and that might scare you. But now is not the time to be a victim. Don't let the constant news cycle get you down. Don't let people tell you you have to take out debt to survive. And don't you dare pull out that credit card or go get a credit card. You shouldn't

have any credit cards if you're listening to us today. Listen, it's time to take control of what you can. And that is your money. I want you to get on a plan that will help you get out of debt. And one of the things, Dr. D, that helped me get out of debt was Financial Peace University. Okay. I remember taking this class when it was 13 weeks i remember spending about 100 100 120 bucks around that time for this class and what i am really excited about today uh is that for the first time recently dave said hey we're going to give financial peace university away for free for 14 days okay and so america listen to me right now um i want you to go to Dave Ramsey.com

forward slash hope Dave Ramsey.com a slash hope. And I want you to sign up for this 14 day trial. This is going to help you. It's going to bless you. It changed my life as a 26 year olds, a young person at that time. It really taught me how to be a good steward, taught me how to get out of debt. And it really taught me how to start building wealth. And I believe anyone, instead of for binging Netflix, instead of for binging the latest talk show out there that's not giving you anything or making you any money, y'all go put something inside of you that's going to change not just your life, but your family's life. And it's free. It's free. Free.

For 14 days. DaveRamsey.com forward slash hope. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. For most of us, healthcare costs seem to increase every year, and saving money on health insurance feels more and more out of reach. For example, take the Olcheski family from LaGrange, Texas. Jeff and Carice had just celebrated the birth of a new baby boy. Shortly after, they had a health scare involving one of their kids that was completely unexpected. With today's health care climate, this could have bankrupted them.

But thanks to Christian Health Care Ministries, the Olcheskis were spared from a ton of medical bills. As members of Christian Healthcare Ministries, they're part of a group of believers who financially and spiritually support each other. CHM is the original health cost-sharing ministry and is a Better Business Bureau accredited charity. It's biblical, affordable, and it shared nearly $97,000 to help the Olcheskis. To be a part of Christian Healthcare Ministries, visit chministries.org. That's chministries.org. CHM is a proud sponsor of Dave Ramsey Live Events. 888-825-5225 888-825-5225 You can call in with any questions that you have for Dr. D and myself.

So Anthony, this happened the other day. Like I'm new to the internet's world, right? I spent the last decade of my life trying not to exist on the Internet's, and then I took this job. So I've got this YouTube show, this YouTube channel, and I go on there, and there's some of the videos. They have 3,000 views, 5,000 views, and I'm not even going to lie. I got pretty excited about myself.

That's what's up. And then you're in the cubicle next to me in our little office suite, and I looked up yours. You have like 35 million people that watch your YouTube show, man. What are you doing? I don't have 35 million people. We don't need NBC. I'm not Dave Ramsey.

Hey, listen. You're on a bullet train. So something you're doing on your YouTube show is magic. What are you doing? You're doing the same thing. But I think finally you and I both have really just found our voice and i just really have a strong voice to really helping you know young people just really get connected when it comes to money making good smart money decisions but then also just being real relatable and relevant to today's culture and so i just recently

i just did a show with one of my good friends and mentor, Dr. Weston, and he really broke down how our mind is a business and how we need to be the CEO of it. And it's just really relating because how many partners as friendships and relationships do we bring on that are not healthy for us? It's not helping us grow and to build our business, which is our mind, because it's just down. So the YouTube channel is absolutely amazing. I'm loving what God is doing with my team and how the guests that we're bringing on. And I'm going to give everyone a secret. Next week, I have Devon Franklin on. No way.

Yes, yes. And I'm so excited about that conversation because we really dive deeper into a lot of different things. So I would encourage people to go check out not just my YouTube channel. Yes, check out your YouTube channel. You're being too humble. It is incredible. It's awesome. It'll crack you up.

And there are not a lot of people in your space who are being honest and vulnerable and real. Appreciate it. You're lighting a spark in me, man. I appreciate you, dude. Appreciate it, man. Just go over to YouTube.com forward slash Anthony O'Neal. Check it out. We're lighting a spark in me, man. I appreciate you, dude. Appreciate it, man. Just go over to youtube.com forward slash Anthony O'Neal. Check it out. We'd love for you to be a part.

If you know a millennial, if you know a young person in their 20s and 30s and you really want to help them get ahead in life, send them my channel and check it out. But, Dr. D, we're going to talk a little bit about your show as well because your show blessed me as well. So we're going to talk about that. But we're going to go out to Minnesota and have a conversation with Ashley. Ashley.

Yes. Ashley, how can Dr. D and myself help? Hi. I have been with my boyfriend for about six and a half years. He proposed last year. We have two very young children together. And last night he ended it. Oh, man. I'm so sorry.

Was it a surprise? Yes. Okay. How old are your babies? Six months and two years. Six months and two years. Six months and two years, yeah. I'm so sorry to hear that. How are you feeling right now, Ashley? What's going through your heart right now?

It's shattered. We just bought a home. I know Dave says not to buy a house if you're not married, but I didn't find him until afterwards. And there's a dream home, and it's in his name, so I have to give it up. So here's what I want you to do, okay? Everything in your world now is on fire. In the nerd world, we call it you're fully limbic right now.

That means your body is doing what it's supposed to do to protect you from a scary, scary situation. And there's few scarier situations than holding a beautiful six-month-old baby and then suddenly you don't have a house anymore. So I want you to connect with – do you have anybody in your community that can walk alongside you right now? Do you have a friend or a family member or someone from your local church in a small group, somebody from work that can you can sit down and be open and vulnerable with right now? Yeah, I've been

talking with a few friends from work and family members. They're all really supportive of me. Good. And what I'm going to ask you to do is to let yourself be supported and loved right now. And there's going to be parts of you

and your heart that don't want to let people in and be scared of connection because you just got burned real bad. And then you're going to have to have somebody walk alongside you, help you get an attorney, help you work through navigating moving forward. It feels like everything's on fire right now, and it is, and it's pain and pain and pain.

And you can't do this by yourself. And it's going to be hard and messy. And you don't know what the future is going to look like in terms of reconciliation or in terms of finalization, all that kind of stuff. Those are questions for tomorrow and for the next day. Right now, you've got to have a group of people around you that are making sure you eat, making sure you're sleeping,

make sure your babies are fed and okay. And you got a roof over your head. Ashley, what are you doing? Are you currently working right now? Um, well, I'm furloughed.

I am going back to work on the first. Okay. Okay. So you've been pulling unemployment. What's that? I'm sorry. You've been pooling unemployment, correct? What's that? I'm sorry? You've been pooling unemployment? Yes, yeah.

All right, so you have some income coming in. You said you had to give up the house. Where are you staying at right now? Well, I'm still here. I'm just on an apartment today, and I'll be moving here in the next week. Before you do that, Ashley, before you pack up and move your stuff, I want you to sit with an attorney. You've got two young children, and there may be some rules,

depending on your state and your situation, that would protect you. He may be able to walk out that front door, but it's going to be a different situation with having him kick you out the back door. So before you pack up and move, before you go sign a lease, I want you to sit down with the lawyer and make sure you take somebody that you trust to be there with you. Okay. So they can hear with you also.

Make sure you're hearing everything the right way and that they help process your next steps. But don't, before you sign anything, make sure you go talk to a lawyer. Okay. Man, you know, that is a is a, um, it's a tough situation. You know, it's a very, it's a tough situation. And that's a nightmare situation. I can't, I can't imagine being in that situation. Ashley, we're praying for you. Uh, one last thing on the money side is, um, definitely make sure you get an attorney. Uh, so that way they can

walk you through all of that process, that entire process that entire process but then also as well right now too you need to kind of sit down and get on a straight solid budget okay you have to get on the budget because you have two other lives that you have to take care of and that's that's really anthony where uh your community can step in and help yeah um because right now it feels like the world it is it doesn't feel like the world the roof's on fire the yard's on fire the furniture's on fire and you need someone else to help walk through and say hey let's let's make a game plan together right actually stick around i want you to talk to kelly we're going to give you a financial peace university um and also total money makeover because we really want to help you get through this process uh both spiritually mentally and financially so stick

around and kelly will give you that. 888-825-5225. Before we go to the next call, men, don't. Don't what? Don't. If you have a two-year-old, baby, and a six-month-old baby, don't. If you need to go talk to somebody, you need to go to counseling, you think you have found some other person,

don't leave. Don't leave. You know, and you know, I want to say this respectfully. God Almighty. Because I definitely be sensitive to Ashley and her situation. But for those of you all listening right now

and you're dating each other and you're not married this is one of the main reasons why dave myself and our entire team teach do not move in with each other do not create a life together when you're not married do not take on responsibilities for another life when you don't have that that obligation for for each other uh because it just puts people in uncomfortable situations. They're honestly just not healthy. Well, and I mean,

we've taken calls the last few weeks with married folks walking out the back door too, getting uncomfortable and feeling weird. There is no weird. There's no uncomfortable. You've got babies. You've got a relationship.

You're part of the responsibility. You're a part of the connection here. You talk about changing your family tree. Do the hard work on your soul. Do the hard work on your relationship with your significant other. And don't leave your kids. And I just feel like saying this. For those of you all listening right now, some of you are probably thinking about doing that.

Moving in with somebody. No. Do not do it. Sit still. Do it the right way. You know, we are a Christian faith organization and we want you to do it the right way. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, folks, there's literally never been a better time to try online grocery. My friends at eMeals make it incredibly easy for you.

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for two full weeks. That's e-meals dot com slash grocery. 888-825-5225. Dr. D and myself, Anthony O'Neill, are filling in for Dave Ramsey today. And we are going to go out to Nebraska and have a conversation with Bridget. Bridget, thanks so much for calling in. How can we help?

Hi, Anthony. Hi, Dr. D. Thank you so much for taking my call, and thanks for all that you guys do. I had a question for both of y'all. So I am recently engaged, and my... Congrats. Thank you. My fiance and I, actually, it's kind of my stipulation, we paid off debt before we got engaged. And we're both on Baby Step 3B. And we're planning to get married the end of December. And we're also planning to move to Montana afterwards. Okay. So the two questions I have, one is, should we be just saving like 3B for a house and a move?

And then my second question is, we are potentially going to get some money from his parents, but his dad is your class A narcissist, and he's being nice right now, but I don't know that i want to take that right now let me ask you this question how are you all playing paying for the wedding could you say you're you're on 3b right now which for those of you all listening 3b means that they're saving uh 20 10 to 20 to put down on a home but uh that's great but where how are you paying for the wedding? So my parents are contributing a small portion,

and then he and I will be contributing the rest. And his parents are going to pay for the rehearsal dinner, and they've offered to pay part for the wedding, but I don't. I'm really hesitant to take anything like that. And I'm also hesitant to take anything like that. And I'm also hesitant to take, his mother said they offered him about 20 K that we could use to towards the house would be amazing,

but I'm just really hesitant with his dad's track record. I got you. I'm not going to answer the father-in-law questions cause I'm not married and I don't want to get in trouble, but I'm going to answer the money question for you. I'm not going to answer the father-in-law questions because I'm not married and I don't want to get in trouble. But I'm going to answer the money question for you. When it comes to saving up to go down, to put down for a home when you all get married, I have no problem with you saving. Here's the thing. You're going to keep your three to six months in emergencies. You're going to pay for your wedding first. Then we're saving for a house.

Now, when you get married, wherever you all move, I want you to sit still for the first year. Get used to your environment. Get used to the new state that you're in, the new city you're in. Drive around. See if you like the environment. See where you want to settle down. You may have kids. I want you to settle down and see what school district do I want to be in.

Don't be in a rush to purchase a house as soon as you get there. And make sure that you're going to be there for at least three to five years before you purchase. If you're going to stay there for just one year or two years and possibly move, then I don't want you to purchase. But right now, here's the main thing on the money side that I really want you to

focus on is do not touch your emergency funds to pay for your wedding. Two, I want you to go ahead okay to pay for your wedding two i want you going ahead and pay cash for your wedding sounds like you all have that saved up and then i have no problem with you saving for 3b as far as in 10 to 20 percent down to go towards a house eventually but just don't be in a rush to do it as soon as you get there now as far as in the father-in-law thing i'm gonna ask this question dr d i want you to answer this because you know i'm going to ask this question. Dr. D, I want you to answer this because, you know, I'm trying to get married, so I don't want ladies hearing my answer to get upset. But here's the question I have for you, Bridget. How does your husband feel about your father-in-law giving you

all money? Well, so he's a little hesitant, too And, um, he even asked one of his coworkers who's worked with his dad and himself for the past about 10 years, they run a family owned business. He asked him because he's been feeling weird about how his dad's been being nice recently. Um, and he's always used to kind of being ready for a fight with him. And so he's been kind of weirded out, and I think he's a little hesitant as well. And he asked his mom, and his mom said, he asked his mom, he's like, you know, I only want to take it if there's no strings attached. And his mom said that she would make sure of that, but I just don't know.

I just don't know. Bridget, these are one of my favorite calls where the caller calls in and already knows the answer. And so I can say it or you can say it or we could say it together if you like. Here's the deal. Dave always talks about, you know, don't co-sign for family members because you're taking on their debt. So taking money from a narcissist is co-signing your soul. Okay? That strings.

I'm going to tweet that out. If I had Twitter, I would tweet that out. Man, I'm going to tweet it right now while you're talking. I don't have Twitter. So here's the thing. You know it. Your husband knows it. And here's a beautiful thing for you two right now is if you can be together with him with your future husband y'all can talk about boundaries talk about how we're going to handle our in-laws how are we

going to talk about his parents and you set those boundaries up right now the rest of your marriage is going to be on a different foundation what a gift you guys are so far i didn't have these conversations until i was 10 years in man you were so far ahead of the game on this deal. And here's the thing. To honor your future father-in-law, a lot of old guys with means don't know how to say I love you. And they don't know how to say I'm scared to let go of my son. They don't know how to do anything. And so they grab real tight and they squeeze real tight until they choke something to death. And then they want to throw money at it.

And so if you can look at your father-in-law and say he's trying to love us the best he can and this is the only tools he has in his in his toolkit is to give us unwarranted advice and money um then you're gonna you're gonna be able to reject it with kindness and not reject it out of fear right you're gonna say hey thanks we're gonna start on our own um if we ever need money in the future we'll holler at you um but we're good right now and I think that's a conversation your son needs to have with his dad, quite frankly, especially before y'all are even married. But great, great question. I love the sentiment. I love the future planning, not only financially, not only for them to put their plan in the in-law conversation early too. Yeah, I'm not doing it. Doing what? I'm just not, I'm not going to take

the money. No. I mean, I'm just not doing it. Here's another thing, Bridget. If you want to do this, if you want to sign the check over and send it to, attention, John Deloney at Ramsey Solutions, I will take it and I'll invest it wisely. But wait, that's going to come with strings for yourself as

well, though. I'm going to give it away. I'm going to give it away to one Anthony O'Neal. No, don't do it to me, man. We will pass the strings alone. I have a problem with another man telling me what to do in my house. So I don't want it. That is spoken like a man who is not married. Yes, sir. Who is not married.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Hey, Dr. D, I have a question for you from Instagram. What's that? Instagram is asking, Frank from Instagram is asking, I just lost my job due to coronavirus kickback. I mean, cutbacks. Frank from Instagram is asking, I just lost my job due to coronavirus kickback. I mean, cutbacks.

Single income family just lost $100,000 a year. Still in baby step two. We have six kids. Boy, that's another conversation. But their question is, what do we tell our kids about everything that's going on? How do we have that conversation? Here's a magic gift. Who is the author of that?

Frank. So here's what I'm going to tell Frank. Frank, you thought being a hero to six kids meant making six figures. And Frank thought being a hero to his kids was providing the fanciest and the nicest. I don't know, Frank. I'm just making this up because it's good radio. Yeah, yeah. Where Frank can be a hero, where Frank can change legacy from this point forward is to sit down with his kids.

And over a period of six kids, that's going to be multiple conversations because some can hear it differently than others. Yeah. But Frank now has the opportunity to show his kids what a father with an integrity, what a father who's vulnerable, what working three jobs looks like to put food on the table. Now you get to be the dad that they're going to be proud of. We often paint these pictures of my kids are going to love me if I make this kind of money and this, and you end up staying a little bit later at work and working a little bit harder on the weekends. Now you get to sit down and look at your son and say, hey, dad lost his job and things are going to be okay, but I'm scared and I'm going to be working real hard. And he's going to sit down with his younger daughter and say, you know,

the virus, it's going to change the way we're going to start eating at home. And now the two and three-year-old, you're not going to go into details, right? But you're going to have those conversations directly and vulnerably and age appropriate. And now he's got a chance to be a hero and change his family's legacy. You know, being authentic with young people is the best thing I believe in. Such a gift, Dad. Such a gift, Dad. Because when you try to act like you know it all and you got it all and you're the hero, you're teaching them to do the same thing. And when dads don't say the words like I'm scared or I'm nervous, then their kids grow up thinking, Dad was never scared or nervous,

so my scared and nervous means something's wrong with me. Dads, look your kids in the eye and say I love you, and I'm scared too. And then, here's what we're going to do. Man, yo, Dr. D, thank you, man, so much. Also want to thank producer James Childs and associate producer Kelly Daniel for having a great day with us today.

And remember, you guys, the caliber of all of our futures will be determined by the choices we make today. You guys, this is The Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. You can now listen to The Dave Ramsey Show on Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. For all the ways to watch and listen, check out our show page at DaveRamsey.com slash show.