The Ramsey Show - App - Teaching Kids About Money (Hour 2)

Episode Date: May 10, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I'm George Campbell, joined by Jade Warshaw. It's your show, America, so call us up at 888-825-5225, and we will give you our opinion about your situation, and that's about what it's worth. It's our two cents. Two cents.

If that. That's the price of admission. There it is. Phil joins us up first in Redding, Pennsylvania. What's happening, Phil? Hi, guys. Thanks so much for having me. Sure. What's going on? I have a pretty good problem. My wife and I and our three daughters, we are saving for the college.

They're eight, six, and four, and we've started their 529 accounts as soon as they got a Social Security number. Amazing. We agree that we should eventually tell them that they have these accounts. We're just not sure when it's appropriate or when it would be wise to tell them. And if it's ever a good idea to tell them how much is in the account. Oh, man. I think it's a great idea to let kids know that we're planning for your education. And the expectation is that you are going to continue your education in some form of fashion.

I think it's great to start sharing that, honestly, as early as it makes sense without being weird. My guess is middle school, high school is when they start even thinking about that. So I don't think there's a need to tell a four-year-old hey buddy there's a hundred thousand dollars in your 529 plan you know they might be like whoa that's a lot of money but there's just not as much context as to why it matters and it's not like you're going to give them a trust fund that they're going to go blow in vegas here that's right you know this is a 529 account it's to be used for education only so i don't think they're going to like lose their minds and become entitled brats. But I think it helps when deciding about college. Hey, here's what here's our plan. Mom and dad really prepared. And here's your part of the plan. You're going to work your tail off,

you're going to get scholarships. You know, if we don't have to use all this money, even better, we're able to roll that over to a, you know, retirement account or leave it to grandkids and other people in the family. And so I think you have that honest conversation with them as they mature into, you know, probably early high school. And I would, I would take it a step further too and letting them know, I don't think it's wrong for them to know the amount at the right age to say, let's say for the eight year old, there's, I don't know, $70,000 in the account by the time she's ready to go on to further education to kind of say, this is the budget and it doesn't go beyond this. And the only way it goes beyond this is if you decide that you're kicking in some cash

because we're not doing student loan debt. So I think that the 529, obviously, the point of it is to save up, but it also creates an opportunity to open up these lines of communication to where you are speaking about the things and the expectations around college that a lot of people, frankly, they don't have those conversations. Parents just kind of, it's like, you know, junior year, it's like, all right, pick your school and that's it. And that's how we have all this student loan debt. And then we'll figure out the rest later. And figure it out means taking out a whole bunch of loans and parent plus loans and delaying their future. So to me, this, I'm already convinced that you're going to send these kids to college

debt free. And so I'm not worried about you're going to send these kids to college debt free. And so I'm not worried about that. You've done a great job, Phil. I think as they get into high school, you start having the conversation and saying, hey, you're going to finish college in four years. That's what Dave said to all the Ramsey kids going, here's the deal. I'm going to pay for college, but here's the budget. Here's the limit. You're going to go to an in-state school and you're going to finish in four years. And if you do it that way, I will pay for it. And have them watch Borrowed Future and go, here's what it could have looked like if mom and dad didn't prepare. If we just chose whatever famous school because of the football team. Here's what our life could look like. So I hope that helps kind of start these conversations, but you're definitely early on the game in a, in the best way. Yeah, for sure. And, and we were really just, um, like you guys said, you know, they, they are going to start to hear about college, middle school, high school. Um, their friends are going to start talking about it. The teachers start to talk about it and we figured, you know,

one less thing to stress over, um, you know, figuring out how to get there. My wife and I both worked our way to get through college and we feel blessed to be able to offer this for our daughters. But we just figured one less thing to worry about. Yeah. You know, where I one thing that I like and this is kind of an approach that my husband and I are trying to take is I want to be the authority on all conversations for my kids. I want them to hear about the things from the first time from us. So the first person you're going to hear talking about school and colleges is me and Papa, right? And the guidance, not from the guidance counselor. And that goes on a lot of other issues, by the way, as well. But if you guys, you want to be the authority when it comes to how to pay for college how to handle your money

how to do and the way you do that is you're the first person that they ever hear talking about it and so i think that that's um uh an advantage that you guys have in this situation too that they're looking to you for advice not anybody else that's the forward yeah you guys are doing a great job and you show them that hey money comes from work you can give save spend teach those lessons early on when they get to college it's not going to be a whiny entitled i just want to go where i want to go regardless of my guidance counselor said there were student loan options for me oh my goodness yeah and that's a bunch of financial aid in the form of loans no thank you all right jessica is in miami up next what's happening j? Hi, George and Jade. I'm so excited to be on with you guys.

We're excited as well. What's your question today? Thank you for taking my question. So I was just looking for some guidance and some wisdom. It's kind of on the same vein as the last caller. Up to this point, my husband and I have been putting our kids' birthday and Christmas money into the regular savings account. My oldest is now six, so should we be teaching Spend, Save, Give with their

Christmas and birthday money? Or should we just do that with any earned money, like allowance or chores? I teach them with all the money because it is with all of your money. So I would just, if you're teaching it to them as a, just kind of as an umbrella way of thinking about money, then I think that it does apply to all of that. And obviously, the ratios of it, you know, might differ depending on how much it is or what they've already done. But as long as they know there's three things that you can do with your money, you know, I think that's enough. And then would you recommend like a high yield savings to put that away or just a regular savings is fine? I mean, if it's no, it's no cost to you to do a high yield. Right. Yeah. It'll earn more interest. It's not going to be life-changing when they've

got, you know, a hundred bucks in there, but it's a great principle to teach them that, you know, broke people pay interest, wealthy people earn it. And this is what it looks like to prepare for the future. How old are the kids? My oldest is six and then my little one is, he's four. That's fine. Love it. My kids are that age, too. Oh, great. That's awesome. So are they in the kindergarten phase, the six-year-old? Are they in elementary now?

Yeah, my six-year-old is just finishing kindergarten. Okay. I'm going to make sure our team sends you a great blog from our friend Rachel Cruz called 15 Ways to Teach Kids About Money, and it goes through age-appropriate ways to teach kids, whether in preschool, kindergarten. So this starts with a clear jar for savings, setting an example with your own money habits, show them that stuff costs money. You know, if they're going to buy the toy, bring cash and have them actually hand over the cash to get the item. Because when you get older, you realize, oh, I just put my card in, I got my card back and I got stuff. That's right. And so that's a big thing. Opportunity cost as well.

Hey, if you buy this video game, you're not going to have money to spend on shoes. And then on top of that, commissions as they start doing chores, give them commissions instead of allowance. That's a big thing is you don't just get money for existing. You get money for work. And there's some things you do because you're part of the family. You brush your teeth because that's what you do as a healthy person. But, hey, if you help mom clean up the garage or clean up the leaves, you're going to get $5.

Ooh, I'm going to add something to the list. Another one I'd add to the list is the idea of in a moment if you want to buy something, it'll be there a week from now, in two weeks from now. So it's like, hey, we're not going to buy that today. And then go back and show them a couple weeks later. Listen, it's still there. You can buy it. You don't have to buy it in the moment every time. So it's like, hey, we're not going to buy that today. And then go back and show them a couple weeks later. Listen, it's still there. You can buy it. You don't have to buy it in the moment every time. That's good.

I love this. Teach your mother young. This is preventative medicine, America. And I'll make sure our team puts the blog, 15 Ways to Teach Kids About Money, in the description and the show notes. If you want to read through that, it'll give you some great tips

on how to teach your kids about money. And of course, check out Rachel and Dave's book, Smart Money, Smart Kids. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Jade Warshaw. We've got an electric crowd in the lobby today for our Total Money Makeover weekend event. They are happy to be here. They're cheering and everything. They're enthused. This is the kind of live audience we've been missing out on, Jade. That's right.

I could get used to this. This is wonderful. You guys want to come back next time? Next week? We've got our event kicking off tonight up at the brand new Ramsey Event Center. It's going to be a good time and we appreciate all of them

traveling from all over the world to be here. Jordan is on the line in New York City. What's going on, Jordan? Hi, how are you guys? Doing well. How can we help? I just needed a little bit of, maybe more than a little bit of financial guidance.

I'm getting a settlement cost of around $75,000. Okay. And I'm not sure what to do with it. What was the settlement for? I was in a car accident. Was everything okay? Are you good and healthy at this point? After a couple years, yeah. For the most part, I'm good now.

You're able to work? Yeah. So I currently got my real estate license April 30th. So I just started that journey. Okay. How old are you? I'm 23. Okay.

Are you working full-time outside of the real estate right now? No, sir. So you're doing real estate full-time? Yes, sir. Are you making any money yet? No. Not as of right now. That worries me. Where are you living? I live in A-side. Okay. Are you living alone with family? I live with my mother. Okay. So you have very little expenses?

Yes, yes, sir. Do you have any debt? Currently, I am paying off a car loan of $10,000 right now. Okay. But that's it? Nothing else? No, that's it. Okay.

Do you have any money saved? I have about a couple thousand in my savings in my checking account and I have about 7,200 invested in Google and Amazon. Okay so that couple of thousand is that like 2,000 or 6,000? How much is it? That's like 1,500. Okay cool. When is the settlement going to hit your account? Well, my lawyer wanted to meet again in one month, so I think around a month. Okay. If I were in your shoes, there's a couple of approaches I'd take here. When this money comes through, I would pay off the car. I'd get that car debt out of your life with the caveat that you're not going to borrow money for cars ever again. At this point, you're set up to buy cars and cash from this point forward.

If I were you, I would also consider liquidating these single stocks because they're just not the investment that you want at this point in your career as an investor. That's later on down the line if you want to get into that. And I do a very small percentage in single stocks, but definitely not a starting spot. And then for me, I would be thinking about, okay, I've got this $65,000 left from the settlement. I've got $7,200 minus any taxes or whatever from these stocks. I've got another $1,500 saved. I'd move it into a high yield. I'd call that three to six months of expenses plus a little bit of savings towards a down payment or my first rent payment whenever you get stable from this real estate.

But I don't think you have the stability of a paycheck or a job that's bringing in regular income for you to move out at this point. And I think that that's the second thing that I'd be focused on. Were you working before this, Jordan? Yeah, I was a pharmacy technician for around four years. Okay. What were you making doing that? Around 32. Okay. What were you making doing that? Around $32,000. Okay. My worry is that the real estate game right now could be tough to get into and actually see a paycheck from because it's commission-based.

And so I think you might need to get a part-time job right now or even a full-time job and do real estate on the side and start to build that up until you can kind of, instead of it being a leap, it becomes a step. Yeah. How'd you get out of the pharmacy tech? Did you quit or did something else happen? Well, at one point I joined a contracting agency to where you were contracted to certain hospitals for certain times that needed help. And when my contract ended, I decided to step full in to the real estate journey, I guess. Are you working for a broker right now? Yes. Which one? Keller Williams. So it's costing you money right now to be a real estate agent you're losing money because of all the fees associated with this you've got the nar fees you

got the keller william fees and you're not selling any houses and so that's the part that worries me is from the settlement i'm scared you're going to just drain this thing down to survive and live while hoping real estate takes off. What's it cost every month? $100. Okay, that's not bad. I agree with George 100%. I think that you need to go back to doing either pharmacy teching or whatever it was you were doing before. Either way, you need a full-time income. And real estate is a hobby until it becomes something that's making you actual money. And as Ken would

say, you kind of need to pull the boat closer to the dock before you make that leap. Otherwise, you're going to drown. Right. Hope that helps, Jordan. I wish we could just snap our fingers and make this pretty, but it's going to be hard work. Real estate is no joke. And right now the market's tough. You're in a very intense market in the New York City area. And so I would get a mentor in this space to go, sure, you can help me sell this $1.5 million condo in New York City. That's a tough game to be in. And if I could just offer a little piece of, I'm going to say this because I think to be good at real estate, you got to be a people person and you got to be, have a little bit of pizzazz, a little bit of razzle dazzle. And I didn't feel that from my guy. I wasn't getting the rizz, Jordan. I didn't get the razzle and I didn't get the dazzle. So that's one woman's opinion.

But this is. No, that's a good point. Real estate, it takes a certain personality type. You kind of want you kind of need to like the spotlight. Yeah. In order to do it. And I think good with your words, good at selling. And people get into real estate thinking this is going to be I'm going to own the job. I'm going to make great money. And you can eventually, but it can be a grind to get there. And it's not going to come to you. You have to go get it. Yes. You know, back a few years ago, a monkey could sell houses because they were flying off the shelves. Right now, you got to be a real pro to do it. And so for that reason, Jordan, I would try to get as much training as you can and get this thing off the ground while working full time. That's right. So, all right,

John is up next in Shreveport. John, we're up against the clock. Get right to your question. How can we help? Hey, thanks for making me debt free first. Woo, you did it. We didn't do nothing, but thank you. Yeah. Back in 2010, we went with the plan and got debt-free. But my question is, my granddaughter is a senior in high school. She's leaving to go to George Washington University, and she's got a scholarship, but it doesn't meet all her needs. And she's going to have about a $20,000 a year gap in her scholarship and tuition.

And I'm sitting here thinking, should I pay that or make her take out student loans? And I don't want to do that. Well, you're not making her do anything. If you're in a financial position to bless her in that way, that's something that my wife's grandparents did for her, and it was a huge blessing. And she didn't even realize it until she was out of college in the real world. Are you financially able to do that without affecting your own life?

I am. Well, my wife passed away a few years ago, but we're debt-free. I'll have just close to probably about a million dollars in liquid and real estate. Amazing. Yeah, I can afford it. So if you've got the cash to do it, it's not holding you back. I think that's a wonderful blessing. Or you could split it and say, hey, you work part-time and pay $500 and I'll pay the gap each month because studies do show that when students work part-time,

they do better all around in school. If she's got some skin in the game, she's going to go, I've got to finish in four years. I've got to actually go to class. She's already got a part-time, well, we'll have a part-time job. Okay, good. Wonderful. We've got a good head on our shoulders.

She's got an awesome grandpa. Man, I think that's one of the coolest ways you can live and give like no one else, is start with your own family. Cause that generational change where she gets to graduate and go, because of my granddad's hard work, I was able to go to college debt-free. And so that's a beautiful thing. Thanks for inspiring us all. And I would say, hold the trigger, man.

Help her go to school debt-free if you can. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined by Jade Warshaw this hour. Phone lines are open at 888-825-5225. Well, don't call it a comeback, but the Live Like No One Else Cruise is back, Jade. It's happening March 22nd through the 29th of 2025. Join Dave and all of us Ramsey personalities

for seven days at sea with a lot of special guests from magicians to musicians to comedians to celebrity chefs. It's going to be an amazing time. And let me call out that this cruise is for a specific portion of our audience. Who is that?

Baby Step 4 and beyond, which means you have no consumer debt, you've got the emergency fund, and you're ready to have some fun and celebrate. This is the ultimate debt-free celebration. I think we're going to try to set a world record for largest debt-free screen. I'm here for it. Let's go. I've always wanted to be a part of a Guinness

world record. This is my chance. So we're going to take over the entire cruise ship. It's going to be all Ramsey fans. That's going to be intense. We're going to stop at some incredible spots, including Turks and Caicos, St. Thomas, San Juan, the Bahamas, and VIP upgrades already sold out. Most of the suites are sold out, but we do have some amazing cabins still available, like ones with the ocean view. You got to get your deposit in now. That's what you're committing to. This thing will sell out because the first one sold out within weeks. Wow. And we launched this thing a few weeks ago and it's happening less than a year from now, March 22nd through the 29th. Go ahead, budget for it. Talk to your spouse, book your cabin. I did find out

that you can bring your kids. Yes, I'm bringing my kids. Should I be saying that on the air? Uh-oh. I'm not bringing them. Warshaw kid's going to be running rampant. But someone said, hey, can I bring my teenager? And I asked the team.

I said, yeah. Yeah. That's great. It's your whole family as long as y'all are debt-free in Baby Step 4. Love it. So go book your cabin, ramsaysolutions.com slash cruise. That's the place to go. Can't wait for that. CJ is up next in Atlanta, Georgia. What's going on, CJ? Good afternoon. How are y'all? Doing well.

Good, good. My question is, me and my wife are interested in purchasing a laundromat. I'm just wondering, would it be better to do a seller financing route or would it be better to take out an SBA loan? Ooh, juicy conundrum here. Well, you're launching a business. And if you're familiar with Dave's Entree Leadership book, the whole brand, we are big on launching and starting and running and growing your business completely debt-free, which tells me we're not ready to start this business. Gotcha. So what's this laundromat going to cost? Approximately around $750,000,

but we're still kind of shopping around and looking at different deals. That's just to get in? That's the lowest entry point? Yes and no. We're still kind of looking around, but that was one of the starting prices that? Yes and no. We're still kind of looking around, but that was one of the starting prices that I had for one that was kind of selected here in Atlanta. What made you go, I'm going to buy a laundromat in Atlanta?

Well, we were just looking at businesses that obviously have that type of cash flow that we can kind of self-manage. And just something, just a starter for us to continue to develop income over the years. So laundromat and or smaller car wash kind of self-manage and just something just a starter for us to continue to develop income over the years. So Logimat and or smaller car wash kind of came about. When I hear 750 to start, that doesn't feel like what you just said, like a starter, like an entry level thing just for you to get in and manage. That feels like something that is a huge undertaking to manage and honestly, financial output before you're able to earn it back because you're not profitable until you've paid back the $750,000. What's the cash flow of this place?

The cash flow is about $250,000 to $300,000 a year in revenue. Top line? No, top line I think is around $90,000 to $300,000 a year in revenue. Top line? No, top line I think is around $90,000 to $100,000. No, it's... The bottom line would be the smaller number. I'm sorry, yeah. I'm sorry, yeah. Yes, sir.

Yeah, $90,000 to $100,000 profit, bottom line. Yes, sir. Bottom line profit going to you, not net profit. Yes. Okay. And this would be your full-time job? No, this would be something outside my full-time job. Okay. What's your current household income? My current house is $148,000. Cool. And how much, do you have any debt right now? No, sir. We are debt-free.

Wonderful. If I were you, I would not forfeit your debt freedom. In any case, I would not do this deal in debt, but especially you forfeiting debt freedom because you guys have chosen that to be a value in your life. And so this doesn't align with what you guys have said are your values. If you clearly care about being debt free because you went through that journey. If I were you, and obviously it looks like you you went through that journey. If I were you, and obviously it looks like you're buying an existing business. If I were you, I'd say, okay, if we just, we are on fire about clean clothes,

like this is what gives us the juice, as Ken Coleman would say, then I would start looking at what does it look like for us to create a business from the ground up that we can move at the speed of cash to create. And then that's gonna be something that truly, you're gonna be able to get into the business that you wanna get be something that truly, you know, you're going to

be able to get into the business that you want to get into it in the right way. Does that make sense? Gotcha. Yeah, that does make sense. Yes. I know just for us, we're just looking just to buy a business just to kind of create more income change down the road. So that was the main purpose, but now I do understand. If the goal is to create more income, I want you to understand that you can do that. You don't have to buy something existing to create income. You can create income tomorrow selling the things out of your garage. I mean, if that's the goal. So when you run it through that lens, you go, okay, that makes sense.

Now, if you're thinking that it'll be less work for me if I buy something that's existing and I can have, you know, quote, make money while I sleep and it's not going to require anything because somebody else got this up and running, I would caution you on that because I don't care what business you do. It takes work and effort and time and attention, even if you do buy something that's existing. And it's going to add a whole lot of risk to this. And that's what we find with business owners that do it with debt is they end up adding a whole bunch of risks to their life. You're going to take out most of this with financing and with an interest rate. And then what happens if something goes wrong? What happens when you want to move? You don't really have the freedom you think when

you owe three quarters of a million dollars in debt. That's right. That's tied to a physical location. So I would caution you against this. I know there's a lot of TikToks out there being like, oh, bro, it's so easy. It's easy money. And the reality is, if you talk to anyone that actually runs a business, it takes years. It's a grind. And when you do it debt free, at least it takes a whole layer of risk out of the picture. And so. And the truth is, when you operate a business with debt, my husband and I's business, we've always operated it at the speed of cash. It's a debt free business. And I can't imagine having to make the decisions that we've had to make on a daily basis with the caveat of debt, right? Because then

you're going, well, I've got to make this because I've got these bills coming in and I've got to make this. Like it creates a level of franticness around your decisions that I wouldn't want there. We can make decisions purely from the place of profit. Wow, that was really purely from the place of profit. That was a lot. But you see what I'm saying here is debt changes the way that you make decisions. It changes your heart rate, all of those things. So if it's just about cash flow, CJ, you might want to look into a real estate investment property that you pay cash for. And maybe that's a $200,000, $300,000 condo that you pay cash for, and it's going to cash flow $2,000 a month, and we start there

and build. But it doesn't sound like you're passionate about laundromats. You love the idea of cash flow. Yeah, everybody wants to make money. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, we all want that kind of freedom, but adding debt to the picture is not going to give you the freedom you think. Thanks for the call. Kelly is up next in Phoenix. What's going on, Kelly? Hey, thanks for having me. I just had a quick question about the two cars I own. One is paid off.

One has an $11,000 loan on it. The one with the loan I use recreationally on the weekends, and then the other one I use as a city commuter. I'm just curious to know if I should sell one of them to kind of get a jump start on, like, investing and saving more and things like that. Do you have any other debt? My second car.

I do not. No, just the car. How much money do you have in savings? Just the starter emergency fund of $1,000. And what's your income? $40,000 after taxes.'s your income? $40,000 after taxes. Okay. It's just you?

Just me, single, yep. What's your other car worth, the paid for one? I think $5,000, give or take, on Kelly Blue Book. It's a Hyundai Veloster. Wow. And your recreational vehicle is worth how much? About what the loan is worth, about $11,000 or $12,000. Yeah, I would sell that thing because it's a toy.

It doesn't have any functional utility other than having a good time, and I'd rather you get rid of that, clear your debt, build a fully funded emergency fund, and then save back up and pay cash for that recreational toy next time. Got it. Okay. That's what I would do in your shoes. And if you want to aggressively pay it off, you can, but making $40,000 after tax, it's going to take a long time and this thing really has no functionality

in your life. I'd rather you use that time you would have spent recreationally to be doing side hustles to get rid of debt and get you in a good financial spot. So we'll get back to the fun in no time. But for now, we're doing some grown-up stuff, Kelly. Thanks for the call. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show.

I'm George Campbell, joined by Jade Warshaw. Our question of the day today comes from Anna in Colorado. And we have phoned a friend. If you're wondering what Dr. John Deloney is doing here, it revolves around mental health. mental health and we grabbed john and said john i've always wanted to phone a friend like who wants to be a millionaire and john was kind enough to join us that's right i was i was just doing somersaults in the hallway back there and you're like hey you want to come on the show he's generally if you're wondering what john's doing when he's not on the show he's working out constantly right probably probably not well thanks for being here to help us answer this question

john all right so ann in colorado says she says i'm the wife of a military veteran who suffers from mental illness and a traumatic brain injury because of his injuries i am responsible for handling all the finances in our house i try to sit down with them once a month to go over the budget but even if he participates he will forget it almost immediately his injuries have impacted his memory his ability to concentrate and they make him become impulsive. We are currently on baby step two with a lot of debt. My husband says that he's on board with becoming debt free. However, his mood swings and impulsivity make it extremely difficult to keep moving forward. He continues to overspend in all areas of the budget.

When I try to talk to him about it, he becomes defensive and tells me I'm trying to control his life. It's almost like dealing with a fourth child. It is making it very difficult to stay motivated and getting us debt-free. My ultimate question is, how do I manage both his mental health while staying on budget

and working towards a debt-free life? I want to continue doing this as a team, but I don't know if I should. That one's a heavy one. So this is one of those strange situations that because of the nature of something like this, whether it's traumatic brain injury or it's a mental health challenge, or let's say somebody loses a sibling or a parent and they are just going to a black hole of grief for a season, right? This is one of those moments

that you got to pull yourself out 30,000 feet and we teach these principles and we just repeat them and repeat them and repeat them. And there is some moments when we have to say, stop, you have to stay safe and you've got to preserve the integrity of your home. That's right. And so like, for instance, we might tell say, stop, you have to stay safe and you've got to preserve the integrity of your home. That's right. And so like, for instance,

we might tell somebody who like, get out of debt, baby step two, baby step two. Oh, you're pregnant? Okay, stop. Just stop until the baby's born and then you can dump all that cash in there. This is a similar situation where for this particular person, for Bethany,

I've got some, like one of my oldest best friends on planet earth struggled from a pretty significant TBI you're you in many ways you can be dealing with someone who has the capacity the emotional capacity the cognitive capacity of a kid of a teenager of a young adult and so I have to build in structures for lack of better terms they're going to keep me and my kids safe, right? So, I'm not going to recommend this couple share a bank account. That's not safe and it's not smart. I'm also going to recommend if she decides to stay in this marriage, which I hope she will,

I think death till death do us part is an important thing. Sickness and health is an important thing. And I know it's hard, hard, hard. She's going gonna have to get some people um on her side that will look at him and say because he might not be able to hear it from her she's gonna give you some money every month right that's gonna help create boundaries that she by herself can't can't do um and then we are gonna there is going to be an area of this that it feels like she's a parent like here's what you can spend on this and we're going to take away access for other ways to get money. Does this improve over time, John, or is this kind of

what it is? Man, TBI is, it's like taking a rubber bouncy ball, and the three of us just throwing it in a room. That path of that ball is the different constellations of how TBI can be healed, how it can be managed, how it can not be healed. It's just everybody's situation's different. Wow. So you're saying we need to put some guardrails here and

that includes separating the bank account maybe taking away because she's saying he feels like it's controlling his life but at some point does she have to have a conversation and go listen i do have to control our finances you know that almost like a power of attorney yeah situation where financial power of attorney um yeah i mean that's that's that's a pretty significant move to take um you know financial power of attorney for us i'm not saying that it's it's kind of the idea though that somebody else is not really in a health state that they can make those decisions so i'm not saying legally she's sure but it's so i think the way we would say it is you have to be unified in your marriage when you're dealing with your money she's not gonna have that luxury so she's gonna have to

get somebody else that she can make some of these bigger decisions with and often he can't hear it from her if she says i can't give you any more access to money i'm gonna freeze your credit i'm gonna do these things for you um he can't hear it from her. He might hear it from one of his military buddies who was with him. He might hear it from a financial coach, a military doctor who he trusts and who would come sit with all three of them, right? Sit down as all three of them. So it's about looking at the situation and being honest about it and knowing there are situations when we have these principles, we are saying over and over and over again maybe your maybe your husband or wife is bipolar bipolar one and cannot it has real lows and real high

highs part of managing that is saying i'm gonna hold the debit card in the house right and you're not gonna have access to the account if you ever need anything we're gonna talk about it as a couple but it's my job to keep us safe when you are real high or real low right and that's just part of it's not a control mechanism where i go it's it's beyond just like i don't trust you it's you don't have the ability to make wise decisions day in and day out we all agree on that and we all agree on that and so i think letting him see the budget and have access to and say here's your fun money here's the limit remember what we talked about yesterday we said you have a hundred dollars left and you spent that well in some in is that part of well but here it's saying um injuries have impacted memory right and so yeah we can have a long talk a a talk full of tears we're

committed to go forward he wakes up the next day has no recollection of that which i'm sure is frustrating for the other spouse and it's frustrating for him he didn't want to disappoint and and so he may respond with shame she may respond with anger it's just a part of it but she has to know he's not gonna remember this conversation tomorrow so i've got to put some breaks and boundaries on this thing um and that's really really hard it's hard it's tough it's hard yeah i mean she's taking a role of caretaker at that point yeah and and and we we take this call a time about adult parents right who are maybe have dementia or maybe not making great choices as they're entering into their 70s and 80s and if there's an addiction what are you doing gambling things

like that it's the same principles underneath it of we need to be in control we need to take away access and at the end of the day, that is never a comfortable conversation. And I remember sitting with a group of policemen we were talking about when they were going into homes doing mental health calls. And one guy said, the thought of walking into somebody else's home and taking away their civil rights,

their right to have freedom, and I take them just because their mind's not working, it pained him. And when he said that, I was like, yeah, exactly. That that's that it's hard to look at somebody an adult and say you're taking away their agency in a way that's exactly right well i would think there's probably a grief that both of them are going to experience because she thought hey we're in this thing together this is going to be part of our life together we're making financial goals we're tackling these things and it's it's not going to happen that way and i'm sure in the moment that he remembers he probably felt that same way so they both they both have something that they've lost

and that's that's sad and a traumatic brain injury especially certain mental health challenges is extra hard because there's no outward there's you know there's not any big scars there's not missing limbs it just looks like my old guy right it just looks like my old guy, right? It just looks like my old wife. It just looks like the old fill in the blank. And yet everything's different now. And so, Bethany, I would tell you, your grief and your exhaustion is real and it's right. And it's totally right.

And you have to make a plan that is going to keep you and those kids and your husband safe. And that means you're going to have to go at this alone or not as a marriage partner, but you're going to have to find somebody else, a Ramsey coach, a local FPU leader, somebody that can walk with you and help you make some money decisions, a parent, a therapist, somebody. And then you're going to have to get some other people in your life to help create some boundaries with this, with her husband. That's good.

There's no easy way to go about this, but those steps are at least practical and tactical to go we're gonna set the boundaries have the hard conversations put the guardrails in place get third parties involved well i tell her to get connected with better help at least she can be talking to somebody on a regular basis somebody to help her put those guardrails in place like what you spoke about so and let me say this often people who find themselves dealing with kids financial challenges and then a spouse romantic partner that's got challenges right whether it's any number of mental health challenges tbi whatever often the phrase is i can't keep doing this anymore and i agree with that but often we think that this is the marriage it's's not. It's this chaos.

So get some help, get some boundaries and start putting some barriers up and then maybe you can continue with the marriage. Super helpful. John, thanks for jumping in, phoning a friend. It really works. It's good to have friends like John. Be sure to check out his book, Building a Non-Anxious Life. It's so good. And I love the way he helps people navigate all the challenges that touch money, but are so much deeper. Thanks, John. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. Thank you to John and Jade and you, America. We'll be back before you next time.