The Ramsey Show - App - The Best Calls of the Year So Far (Part 5 - Hour 1)

Episode Date: November 24, 2023

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Ken Coleman. Ramsey, personality number one best-selling author of the book, Paycheck to Purpose, is my co-host today. As we talk about your career, your job, your life, your money, it's all right here. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Anna or Anna is with us in Los Angeles.

Hi, how are you? Hello, how are you? Hello, how are you? I'm doing great. Good. How can we help? So I've been working for some time now, and I thought I did an okay job for building up my personal wealth, but I also like to hear your opinions about how I'm doing thus far. Okay. How are you doing? Tell me about it.

Yeah. So I've been in the real estate business for many years. Personally, I have four rental properties, and the yearly income is about $50,000, given or more or less. The total mortgage balance I have about is a million. And one thing, I don't know what I was thinking, but I did take out a home equity line for the purpose of purchasing other properties. So far, I've been paying it off the highest. It was close to $600,000, but based on my calculation, that's back in 2019,

and I should be able to pay that off, completely off, by next year, middle of next year. And then you'll still have a million dollars owed on the rentals? Correct, yes. Okay. And you make what a year? That's the wild card. So I'm in real estate, so that's... What did you make last year?

Last year is about $200,000. Okay. All right. That's probably your average year, right? Yes. Okay. All right. Good for you. average year, right? Yes. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Good for you. And so what's your plan? Just stay in debt the rest of your life? I mean, what's your plan? Sounds like it, because it sounds like you keep buying rentals with more debt. Yeah, and that's my question. Although I have these rental properties, but I always feel I have this piece of rock inside of me. I feel very heavy.

It's a million-dollar rock. It's right there in your stomach. Yeah. So should I get rid of some of the properties? So to get rid of this feeling, I'm not sure what to do. I would develop a game plan to have them all paid off within a certain period of time. There's nothing panicked here because there's no desperate situation. But what you're experiencing is you finally are measuring risk. And most of us, I grew up in the real estate business, so I understand. When you get in the

real estate business, one of the things they i understand when you get in the real estate business one of the things they do is they take a hammer and they break your risk meter we don't even know how to measure risk once we're in that business because we just buy crap i mean it's just like we go get a getting a mortgage to buy an investment property is like that's the only way to do it in our minds you can't do it you can't do it otherwise we've just people in the real estate business really believe that it's just not true but we believe it to be true so um but what you're you're starting to feel the weight of the risk that you've taken on that no one in your world talks about but you're starting to feel it and that's what how you ended up talking to us so yeah what are these properties worth total

you owe a million on them what are they they worth total? Total, I would say about $5 million. Good for you. Okay. So that's a great equity position. I mean, obviously, you're in a 20% loan-to-value ratio, which is phenomenal. That's not a big risk position, but there is a million dollars worth of problems there. So what I would do is say I'm going to pay off that million with my income and with the sale strategically of one

or a couple of these properties over the next five years. Okay? And it might be you can just sell one of them and be clear and clear the rest of them. And that'd be pretty cool. And then from there, you pay cash for all of your additions to your portfolio. You don't use home equity loans ever again. You don't borrow again to do that because

you've got great cash flow when you have no mortgages, and that's going to be the way to go. Yeah, she's going to be in a really great position out there. Now, I'm curious, Dave, so you wouldn't sell, why not sell one of the houses and knock it out that way? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Okay. I'd pick out one of those properties. Okay, gotcha. All right, all right.

And or the income. And the income. If it takes you two years to do this instead of a month, that's okay. Okay, gotcha. There's nothing on fire. Yeah, of course. But you do want to aim at having a debt-free portfolio and aim at and stick with the promise to yourself that any additions to the portfolio we're doing with cash yeah as soon as we get first and foremost get to debt-free then when we add

something later we're going to do that with uh you know without borrowing money to do that and folks i understand that the get rich quick real estate world and borrow all you can on real estate out there is out there it's always been out there and i understand it's real hot again that tic tac has made it really a big thing again and you guys get on there and there's all these goobers on there that have no life history that you know they're 14 years old and they're buying houses now you get these figured It's a bunch of crap. You don't. I mean, when I was 22 years old out of college, I started buying houses nothing down.

I bought $4 million worth. I had a $1 million net worth by the time I was 24 years old. I made $250,000 cash taxable income doing flips in 1984. That's $20,000 a month in 1984. You don't put that in today's dollars, that's a half million dollars a year. Okay. Now, I don't know what neighborhood you grew up in, but the neighborhood I grew up in, we called that rich. It was fun. I was having a blast until I found out about risk. And the banks called our notes, and we spent the next two and a half years of our life losing everything we owned. We were sued.

We were foreclosed on. And with a brand-new baby, a toddler, and a marriage hanging on by a thread because my poor wife thought she had married Sir Galahad, turns out it was Goober. And there we were, bankrupt. And at 28 years old, I got the opportunity to start completely over, because I followed the exact same crap you people are seeing on Instagram and TikTok. And you're all walking around acting like you're smart you're not you're straight up freaking stupid quit doing it i walked it and don't tell me you know what listen a man with an experience is not at the mercy of a man with an opinion

this is ridiculous you guys i've walked the exact path that some of you are signing up for right now now not her she's got a different situation she's moving away from the debt she's calling about that but this zero down nothing down i'm going to get rich in real estate is absolute bullcrap broke people shouldn't buy real estate it makes them broker that's why they call them brokers this is the Ramsey Show. I'm Dave Ramsey. Your host, Rachel Cruz, is my co-host today.

Dennis is in Richmond, Virginia. Hi, Dennis. How are you? Hi. How are you? So my name is Dennis. I'm 20 years old, and my question is, is it crazy that I'm asking my mom for a loan of $8,000? Now, I know the question sounds crazy because there's not really a backstory, so can I give you a brief backstory to go with it?

Sure, sure. Okay, so I've been investing for about two years now. I started my freshman year of college, and I've been day trading for about a year and a half. One of my closest friends is an up-and-coming hedge fund manager, so I get a little bit of information from him, but I'm mainly an investor. About a year ago, a year and a half ago, before I started really day trading, I was only a referee.

That's my only job I have because I'm in college. So I might make $500 in a weekend, and I would take probably about $300 out of that $500 and put it into Webull to invest and then just keep the other $200 to live off. And I would just keep doing that. And at one point I asked my mom for $3,000 because my father had just paid all of our child all

of my child support at one time myself a year um it was forty thousand dollars and i was still trying to um you know where's the money why do you need money if you're day trading why do i need money yeah did you lose all your money yes okay so that's okay so you suck at day trading and you want her to give you money Why do I need money? Yeah. Did you lose all your money? Yes. Okay, so that's what I was going to do. Okay, so you suck at day trading, and you want her to give you money. Not really, because from that time... Yeah, really.

You lost all your money. You suck at it. Well, it was from ahead, because I've also made all the money. I didn't lose... Where's the money? How much money do you have? $30,000. How much money do you have?

Right now, I don't have any money in my brokerage account because I took the rest of it out because I didn't want to go any lower. How much money have you lost day trading? I lost about $15,000 in a week. You suck. That's what made me take my money out. But I've also gained about $27,000 in week. You suck. That's what made me take my money out. Yeah. But I've also gained about $27,000 in less than a year.

Yeah. Okay, let me give you the numbers on this, okay? 78% of day traders lose money net-net. When the story is over, 8 out of 10 day traders lose money. 20-year-old day traders who referee, the number's approaching 100%. Don't do this anymore. And your mother's right. No, she should not give you money.

I would not give you money because you're going to lose it. Even if you can see that the gains are there and if you check the fee... Honey, I just told you 8 out of 10 day traders lose money. You're 20 freaking years old and you referee games on the weekend. What makes you think you're better than the other people? I don't, but everybody has to know. Okay, you're going to lose money then i i don't but okay you're gonna lose money then yes i understand that then why would you keep doing this

it gives me more money to invest at a certain point my mom told me like her mindset she nobody in the family invest or does any of this good because they don't want to do it like you told me that i was stupid she's right no i was i was first investing this is when she told me that i was dumb for investing or taking half my paycheck and just investing in stuff i i recently just found out day trading and at first i didn't day trade i would just hedge so that's where it had brought me up the amount of money i bought some sdow calls bought some SDAL pay-as-you-go. Dennis, you are playing a game that guys that get paid millions of dollars a year play,

and most of them aren't good at it. I mean, guys that run multi-billion-dollar mutual funds do what you do, and they still have questionable results. It takes them years and years and years of training and experience to do this. Not, I've got a friend who was once worked for a hedge fund, and I'm 20, and I referee on the weekends. You are the recipe of a disaster, sir. Please don't do this anymore. Your mom is right.

She smells a rat, and you're going to hurt yourself, son. Stop it. I don't think I'm going to talk you out of it and it's you're gonna hurt yourself son stop it i don't think i'm gonna talk you out of it because i think you're convinced yourself but dude i mean listen if eight out of ten people that walk down the street named a street get attacked by a bear and killed don't walk down a street i mean this is it this is not i mean why do i think what am i going to get a bear suit i mean no i mean don't walk down a street eight out of ten people that walk down the street a bear kills them son that's what i'm telling you you know and dennis please don't act like you're

different yeah and i think the appeal right when you get rich quick. It is. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, there's such a better formula to handle your money long term. And I think you have the capacity to do that, to do it the right way, Dennis. That lowers the risk. It's not going to be as exciting and it's not going to be like, boom, boom, oh my gosh, this, this and that. It's not going to bring that, but it's going to bring a level of stability and build a really great financial life for yourself by starting great habits i'm like just slow down if you have debt dennis pay it off have some cash in the bank to save i mean you're you you hustle you you're looking for opportunity it's just your momentum and your focus is just geared in a way

that's really risky and you're not going to come out better on the other end versus doing something else. Playing the commodities market is almost as dumb if not dumber. I did that. I had a finance degree. I actually know something about this stuff formally academically studied it. Hello. It was not I had a friend that was in a hedge fund and a guy comes to me and he goes hey my buddy over here has been doing gold trades and we're going to buy some futures on the gold trades the last 11 times that he has picked the future date and our purchase rate on the thing um and if we put in 5 000 bucks we'll get 50 000 out the last he's 11 for 11 on his last five guess what i

put in 5 000 bucks the 12th one he missed which means you lose the whole 5 000 bucks you either get 50 or you get nothing that's how this works so so that was my gold investment because i'm just as stupid and dumb i mean just as everybody else i had to try it because i'm smarter than everybody else let me tell you pride goes right before the fall once you think you find somebody's got it all figured out and they got a system yeah bullcrap okay the only system that works is long-term investing in long-term track record things where 80 90 percent of the people doing it make money not where 80 90 percent of people lose money and you think you're the freaking exception this is how vegas is operated everybody thinks

they're the exception and that's why bellagio has nicer furniture in their lobby than you do because you paid for it you people that thought you were smarter than the house that's why they have chaloui or whatever that uh architecture is crazy what is the name of that famous sculpture that does the lighting oh i know Chaloui or whatever lighting in the lobby. With the blown glass. Probably Chahoui. Chahoui, is that it? Chahoui.

Thank you. The guys in the booth are trying to help me with my hillbilly. But yeah, it's like a million dollar fixture in the lobby, right? It's fantastic. Right over where you check in. And guess who paid for that? Stupid people. That's who paid for that.

Okay? People that thought they were going to beat the house listen if you do it for entertainment and you're out of debt all amount of money and you choose not entertaining to lose money it's not entertaining to think you're the exception of the rule i know they make you feel that way i'm a 50 50 story oh god help us you and dennis go invest together that's what you all need to do no it's just the long-term play dennis we just want to don't please and hey great for refereeing yeah good for you no i'm just saying that does not qualify you to be a day trader i know because you can call a five-year-old soccer game this doesn't set you up to be a day trader it's not it's not like the prerequisite to winning at day trading

so um you know he does do hard work thank you for that yes and thank you for earning some extra money and so forth but i think your mom is a precious lady i love her she's got some sense mom don't give dennis any money There you go. Not for day trading. That's right. Sorry, Dennis. You didn't get what you wanted here, but you will always get the truth because we love you. And we don't want to lie to you. We want you to have a good life.

And so we're always going to tell you the truth, even if it's fun. This is the Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. John, in quotes, that's not his real name in other words, from Louisville, Kentucky, not his real place, in quotes. Big secret call coming in. So, John, what's your question? Yes, sir.

Well, about two years ago, I won one of uh multi-state lottery drawings with a group of co-workers and uh i haven't told anyone uh besides my wife and besides one sibling uh no one knows and how much my question for you um after taxes it was about 22 million dollars holy crap holy crap is the century yeah how old are you it was a lot uh i'm i'm edging up on uh about 50 years old okay okay and so you haven't told anyone and i've got some guesses but uh why uh Well, the first thing I did when I found out that I won was research. And it said, you know, that you get to read all those one in five people lose their lottery winnings or go bankrupt within 10 years. And one of the things they all said was you tell too many people and you get too many people at your door asking for this, that, and the other thing, asking for handouts and expecting you to pay for everything. So my wife and I made a conscious decision just to kind of keep it

under wraps. And it's kind of, we've kept keeping it under wraps. We haven't even told our two teenage children. And now I know that sounds strange, but we just don't want them to grow up uh to be waiters you know waiting for us to die so they can get our money you know that's fantastic man yeah i love it dad's been eating rat poison lately i probably hey i've honestly uh i i'll spend the rest of the day imagining i'm you because this sounds just like a fun thing to think about. I don't think I would tell my teenage kids either. No, I'm okay with that. No, I want them to go figure out what they want to do in life

and get going on the track. And then I'll let them know. I'm not going to keep it from them forever, but our parents and stuff, we haven't told any of them. We had another incident about a month after we won the lottery incident. I don't want to call it my wife's great uncle passed away shortly thereafter and he didn't have any kids and he was never married. And he left most of his inheritance to my wife and her siblings. So we've been able to use that as like our cover story for when we help people.

Like I bought my mom a roof. I know, really, really nice of me. But, you know, when she says, how can you afford this? I just say, oh, it's great Uncle Bob's money, Mom. He wanted us to do this. Uncle Bob's money is at least 2X'd now. That's great. Have you got a decent car?

You're going to love me, Dave. my house was paid off before i won this yeah my wife and i really have no desire to move good uh we had just paid cash for two toyotas before we uh before we won this and we still have them we're not looking to upgrade to anything because they're perfectly fine cars so okay we uh we we are you still working i'm not are you still working i am still i am still working do you hate it ridiculous no it's not no actually that's why i'm there because i kind of like my job okay for you i think you should keep working yeah yeah it's going to make you a better employee because have you gotten some great investment advice i have yes good i have i have a team, as you can imagine. Okay. You need a team.

You need a team, yeah. It's not a huge team. It's a group, and they're doing well so far. Doing a good job. Good, okay. I like everything you're doing, and it's not anyone else's business. Right. That's what I hope. And I don't think you're being like a hermit in a cave weird, Unabomber weird or something like that.

I think you're just being wise because what you've discerned is that some of the people in your life could not handle the equation. Correct. That is a very good assumption on your part. And so you're doing them a favor by not putting the strain on them including teenagers so the only thing i can get close to is is that um by the time my kids were teenagers we had begun building substantial wealth we had recovered from the bankruptcy rachel was born so by the time rachel's 16 it's you know 17 years since the bankruptcy and we had you know I was a multi-millionaire again okay we could buy whatever car we wanted to buy

we could go on whatever vacation we wanted to go on and it wouldn't affect us we had good money okay but the kids had no idea and our kids had a double problem one is their dad's in the spotlight and everybody knows us right because we're known in the community um and talks about money no duh and if they had that and they knew that we had millions of dollars as a teenager i don't think they could have processed it so they did not know they knew we were okay with money They knew we live the principles that we teach and we made them live the principles that we teach, but they did not know X number of dollars was the net worth, right? I only disclosed that to them after they graduated from college and I involved their spouses because by that time two of them were married.

And so I sat down with three of my kids and two spouses five of them and we started unpacking what our estate plan looks like because they're adults at that point and i told them up front i said listen here's the deal we don't own anything at our house we're people of faith so god owns a bunch of stuff he's asked us to manage more than you know and you're getting ready to know now, and you get to decide how you're going to react to that. Are you going to react and continue to be productive and generous people, or are you going to be, and using your words, and I'll never forget it, a waiter, right?

Because if you're a waiter, you're not going to get access to any of this. We're going to take it away from you, because God wants you to be productive. He wants you to be whole. He wants you to be excellent in the marketplace, and he doesn't want this to destroy you. He wants you to have the opportunity to serve a lot of people with this wealth, including my grandkids to come. And so as for me in my house, we serve the Lord, and it's not our money it's his we're managing it for him and someday you will take over the management but you will not become the owner if you think you're the owner you won't get to take over the management and we that's how i unpacked it and then when i unpacked it i was really pleased that they weren't freaks and they've continued to live really good adult

lives and it's not ruined them that their dad has you know dad and mom have a bunch of money that they manage you know so uh all that so i think you can start to build some lessons into your teenagers now so that in five years when you have that conversation they're ready to shoulder the weight of it what do you think right. Yeah, I think you can live by example, and I think you have a pretty remarkable opportunity to take your kids out when you're taking them out to dinner and noticing a waiter that's struggling and call the waiter over and be really kind and then show your kids, let's leave a huge tip. You want to do that?

And it might be $100, which is nothing of what you got in the bank, but it's going to be a million dollars to a teenager right and you can slowly plant the seeds of this is what generosity looks like and when they it's it's kind of like those movies you get to the end and it like the sixth sense right and it goes do you and you realize oh no i i missed the whole story and now i have the whole story one day when you sit down and say hey i'm uh you know that school that i paid for and you know you and your wife are about to buy a house i'm gonna pay for your mortgage and here's actually what we're sitting on and here's i like who i'm honored by who you have become they're gonna go oh man i picked up all these lessons from my mom and my dad they're also gonna learn that money isn't what

makes it isn't your identity. Your identity isn't being a great dad. It's a guy who still got up and went to work. It's a guy who still kept the same Toyota that he'd already paid with cash before. You're doing everything so right. It's so healthy. It's amazing. So healthy.

Yeah, man. Good for you. If you were hiding this because you were freaking and you were weird, I would call you out on it. You're wise. You're wise. You're wise. I think in this case you're wise. My sister called me the other day and said,

what was your big splurge? And my answer was patio furniture. I'm not a big flashy guy. Well, I think you need to increase gradually the enjoyment of this money, not in the name of the secret, not in the name of the secret, not in the name of exposing the secret, but you need to increase the enjoyment, and you need to increase your generosity factor systematically.

You need to say, all right, this year we're going to spend $400,000 on this or that. Create some neat memories with your kids. Yeah, do some things intentionally with this without just kind of rolling up an extra million bucks into the budget this year you don't have to do that although you've got it but um yeah wow congratulations brother it's a very good healthy view this is the ramsey show Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality. Open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in. We'll talk about your life and your money.

Joe is with us in Springfield. Hey, Joe, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Dave, thank you for taking my call. Sure. What's up? I've been listening to you often on the last couple of years. A lot of things haven't soaked in. But the other day you said that nobody should own a new truck unless they have a net worth of a million and they're debt-free well i bought a new one earlier this year and so my

question number one is should i sell that truck and downgrade get something a little bit more economical so that i can pay it off how How much do you owe on it? 43. No, 42 and some change, so 43. What's your household income? 220, 210. And you don't have any money? No, I have about 40 in the bank right now.

How long have you been making that kind of money years you're making good money why do you not have any my wife kind of lives yellow I kind of live like hey we might live to be 500 and it's just been 15 years of just kind of we've sat down and we've put budgets together and it just, it doesn't stick on one end and it does on one. And I've just kind of learned to compromise to keep the marriage happy.

And, uh. But the marriage isn't happy, man. I can hear it on you. It's frustrating. I mean, I love her to death. Wouldn't trade her for nothing, but it's frustrating. Well, sure. You know, when you have a divided house, um, you know, like I hate Christmas. I mean, I love her to death. Wouldn't trade her for nothing, but it's frustrating when you have a divided house.

You know, like I hate Christmas. I hate it. You know, we spend $4,000 every year on Christmas, and it's to people and friends. And every year we argue about it, and it just gets me where I just hate Christmas. Because I know we're just going to blow a bunch of money, and we shouldn't, and we don't have to. But, yeah, you move on. You can either're just going to blow a bunch of money and we shouldn't and we don't have to. Okay. Yeah, you know, you move on, you know. You can either dwell on it or you can just move on. And then you borrowed $40,000 on a truck.

Yes, well, I'm a sales guy, so I have to have a truck that's less than three years old and so many miles. I get paid $850 a month for my truck allowance. Whether you have a car payment or not. That's right. And that's where I would rather tuck the $850 and throw it on the house. We're in a great situation on the house.

House is worth about $6.60 and a quarter. We're down to about $270 on it. Joe, the truck needs to be paid off or it needs to be sold, but it's 10% of your problem. Okay? The problem that's screaming at me in this conversation is you make way too much money to be this broke i agree and you guys are really going to sit down and address that you're just you're just a quarter no you haven't

you're just not fixed what do you but what do you do well i think you need Well, I think if you and your wife can't sit down and dream about a future that you're willing to control yourselves for, because you're not controlling yourself. You have no self-control in your household. And if the two of you can't find a house, a dream, in high definition that the two of you can agree to that is worth working towards together and worth not spending everything we make to cause it to happen,

then you do need to sit down with a marriage counselor if that's the case. Often high-performing, high-earning folks sit down and have this conversation as a math problem. Honey, we make this much money, we've got to make a budget. I have an Excel sheet I can show you. to make a budget. I have an Excel sheet. I can show you. I know you do. I can hear that.

It's useful. Here's what I'm telling you. There's a different conversation when you sit down with your wife and you hold her hands and you say, honey, I can't breathe. I'm so scared. We make way too much money. I'm working so hard. And I feel like you and I are pulling further and further and further apart. And I love you too much to be frustrated at you all the time because I know that's hard to live with.

And I love you too much for us to pretend that we're all joyful and happy once a year at Christmas and we try to throw money at our friends and family instead of being a warm, safe place for them to come land? Would you build something different with me? That's a different conversation than, honey, look at my spreadsheet. Look at this. If you just would do this, then we could get out of this crap. One of those, she's going to go to her defense, and that defense is probably way older than you, and that's probably been there since she was a little kid.

And then you go to your defense because she starts bombing you back and it's different when you take ownership and say i want my wife and i want a family that i want to unificate a unified front here i want a unified vision of what we're going to do and i'm scared to death i'm gonna lose you the irony is is that you think by acquiescing you're creating peace and you're not that's the irony the fire's burning in the basement and it is hot it's coals yeah and because it's eating you up and she can feel that on you and then she goes about solving that feeling with the way that her body's been solving those feelings for her whole life spending spending and trying to make people feel good about themselves and showing people how great she's doing and that's different than y'all two building a life together yeah yeah and if you guys can't sit down and work that through and start to say we need to develop a new

vision for our future a different plan other than just spinning our wheels feeling like a rat in a wheel i'm scared i can't do this this is me. I cannot live in a situation where I make a quarter million dollars a year and we have nothing. That is just absurd to me. My brain can't do it anymore. My mind can't do it. My psyche, my spirit can't do it anymore. So we have got to develop a plan for the future that we're both willing to work towards. And I want to do that with you.

Let's start fresh, a reset, not we've got to get on a budget. But that will lead you, by the way, to to a budget and it's not a spreadsheet budget it's an every dollar budget but it'll lead you to the two of you working together to implement the plan that you have agreed to together that both of you had a vote in i love starting those conversations with i'm sorry i'm sorry i've tried to control you the way i know to control a problem. I've tried to solve you. I've tried to fix you. I'm sorry. Let me tell you the truth. I'm scared to death. And there's a different approach there. Someone can enter into your space that way instead of having to swing back at you. It's tough. Hope that works for you, you brother and then pay that truck off in the

next 20 minutes um or a couple months and or sell it one of the two that's um because it's you know you went and bought a truck while she went and bought christmas i think you should hurt man i think you spent more so um there you go and the 850 is coming in whether you have a truck payment or not so that doesn't justify it. Our question of the day is sponsored by Neighborly, your hub for home services. Most American homes have dozens of appliances, and chances are at any given time something wrong with at least one of them. Mr. Appliance, a Neighborly brand, offers expert appliance service on your schedule.

Visit Neighborly.com today to find home service experts, including Mr. Appliance, in your area. Today's question comes from Jane in Florida. I pay the bills for my elderly father. He has a bad habit of going to the ATM to withdraw money several times a week. A lot of times it leaves me with a balance too low to pay his bills. I've had numerous talks, threatened to stop helping, etc. He apologizes and promises to do better.

Then in a few weeks, he's right back to the same situation. I want to be disrespectful to him but is it real it's really stressing me out what do you recommend i do i'm not going to help you with your bills anymore unless you give me your atm card yeah i'm unable to help anymore unless you give me your atm card i can't i can't participate yeah you you're you're making this too hard You're sabotaging everything I'm trying to do to help you. I'm trying to love you. And you're clearly, you're telling me very clearly, you don't want my love and support and help. Yeah. So if you want to give me the ATM card, I'll keep doing it. If you don't, then I won't. Yeah, that's fine. I still love you, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to spend all of my time resenting how you're living your life. And then you come to me asking for help. I don't want to resent you. You're my dad. I want to to love you so i'm either going to turn this over to you or you're going to hand me your

atm card yeah that's easy yeah i can fix that and it's not a flex and it's not it's not showing your muscles it's just saying hey i'm choosing to not do this anymore i can't yeah this is this is an absurd dog chasing its tail keep pulling you out of the pool and you just keep jumping in if you want to stay in there man it's tough i keep getting you out of the pool and you just keep jumping in if you want to stay in there man it's tough i keep getting you out of the road and you keep running back out there yeah it's tough yeah it's um it's well it's um it's frustrating because a it's someone you love and b they're hurting themselves and um and c it's so cyclical yeah it's a it's circular here it's a dance the whole thing is circular it's's ridiculous. Yeah. Stop dancing.

Bad Florida two-step. There you go. This is The Ramsey Show. Dave here. You can find all of our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. It's the only place to listen to the entire back catalog of episodes. Download the Ramsey Network app in your favorite app store today.