The Ramsey Show - App - The Real Reason Some Couples Don’t Share Bank Accounts (Hour 1)

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Dr. John Delony & Rachel Cruze answer your questions and discuss:  "My mother-in-law wants us to pay her back for student loans she was already refunded for", The real reason many couples don't share a bank account, "I don't want to go back into debt for a house", "How much should I be saving for retirement?" from the blog: How to Save for Retirement Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Join a Personality-led FPU class. Click here! Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

Девочка-пай Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Pods Moving and Storage Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your relationships, your mental health, your money, everything. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend, bestselling author, Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your calls on money and life, whatever you got going on, 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Kelly in, I was going to say Louisville, but the Louisville people came after me. That would have been a gem. Yeah. So Kelly in Louisville, Kentucky. What is up, Kelly?

How are we doing? Hi. So we've got some mother-in-law drama and we were hoping to get some good advice on what we should do. Bring it on. You got the man of the hour. What's up? Okay. What have you done we have

so when my husband was in college his mom took out parent plus loans and just for simplicity's sake i'll make the numbers even and easy to follow she took about twenty five thousand dollars in parent plus loans um come to find out about twenty000 of that was refunded. So for example, if the student loan, or I'm sorry, if the student account was like $1,500, she would take like a $5,000 loan and get a $3,500 refund. And that happened multiple times throughout his time in college. And over the course of the four years, she had gotten about $20,000 in refunds. So fast forward to now, she wants us to pay back the original amount owed, which was $25,000, even though she was refunded over $20,000. And the refunds were never put back towards the student loan.

She just did whatever she did with them. What does she say about that? Does she admit to that? So when we asked her at first, when my husband asked her at first about the refund, she said, well, I don't know what happened to that money. That was so long ago. I don't remember. And then about maybe a week or two later, she went on the website where all the payments, like the Nelnet website and said, well, if you want to know where that money went over the website where all the payments like the Nelnet website and said, well, if you want to know where that money went over the last seven years, I've paid, you know, X amount of dollars in interest. So that's where that money went. But our argument, yeah. So our argument is because

she has been making the loan payments since he graduated. So our argument was that she had taken those refunds and applied them back to the principal balance at the time. She would never have to pay that much interest and it'd probably be paid off by now. So at this point, she wants the original amount repaid, even though out of that amount, $20,000 was refunded. So 25 is what she's looking for, $25,000 that she wants. Over four years. So she wants over four years so she wants a hundred back no no so she wants so it was 25 000 total that she took out for my husband and parent plus loans but only five thousand dollars went to school expenses well yes so the agreement always was that she that that he would pay it back when he was making enough money. So up until the COVID and everything hit and they paused loan payments,

she was making the student loan payments. Well, he's recently just deployed, and so we're making all this good money. So she wanted us to pay back the loan like now, like time now. And so at first our argument was, well, they paused payments. We're not going to pay it. Well, then we ended up pulling the bursar's records, like I said, and we found that $20,000. So it's like we don't want to pay $20,000. So y'all didn't know about that?

Y'all didn't know about that until recently? No, no. We didn't know about that until maybe two months ago or so when she started saying she wanted us to pay it back now because we're making the good money, which is fair. So we pulled the bursar's records and found that $20,000 was refunded. So now it's like, well, hold on. You want $25,000 even though $20,000 was refunded? And that was something that he never knew about. So long story short, she took out a $5,000 loan to pay a parent plus loan to pay for his school. And they shook hands and said, I'll pay you back. And then she took out a $20,000 loan using his school loans and spent it on God knows what. And now she wants you guys to pay the full 25 back.

So she took out, so pretty much how it worked to my understanding is every time there was a bill due at the college, it would say like your account balance is $1,500. And again, I'm just using simple numbers just to keep it easy. Let's say the student bill said you owe $1,500 on your account. Well, she would take out a loan for $5,000 and pay the bill, but then the remainder of it would get refunded back to her account. That's what I mean. So she took out a $20,000 loan.

But what went to education was $5,000. Well, yeah. That's what I would bet. Pretty much. And here's how you have to look at this. She has, by her lack of integrity, and I don't want to talk bad about anybody's mom or mother-in-law, but we're just calling a spade a spade she has chosen to be a person who lacks integrity which means she has severed the relationship and she's turned this into a business transaction that she's trying

to duct tape some weird morality to you said you said you said and your husband her son did say and so the ethical thing would have been to do to take out a loan what they said they were going to do take out a loan to cover his educational expenses which would have averaged out to i mean would have come to a total of five thousand dollars and the rest of the money that got refunded you can send that money back it's simple it's a very simple process to put it back give it back to the school and say we don't want this And the rest of the money that got refunded, you can send that money back. It's simple. It's a very simple process to put it back, give it back to the school and say, we don't want this. And so she didn't do that. She had a slush fund of $20,000.

And now the Piper's got to be paid. And so if this isn't my, I always like to answer these, what I would do in this moment, I would sell what I have to sell. I'd go down to one car. I would do whatever I could to get $5,000 and write that check and call it good. And I may even attach the school bill to it. And have it highlighted.

That's what I was going to say, as clear documentation as possible to be able to say, here's where we feel good about this. Because yes, I said I would pay back the loan, but I'm paying back the loan of money that was used for my school not this money that's drifted off into mystery land right i mean like if he had taken that well if he had taken some of that money and paid for his living expenses yeah then i would expect him to pay it back but he didn't he didn't use all 25 000 he used five thousand dollars of it and there's a fancy word for this it's called

fraud she defrauded the government basically yeah or she stole from your son one of the two you can't do that and by the way she happens all over the place with parents taking parent plus ones out and spending that money is there a lot of um like is she angry about it like what's her like emotional bent towards this? I'm just curious. If she can be reasoned with. Can she be reasoned with? No, not really.

I would say from what we've gathered and what she's told us, so this isn't completely skeptical, but from what we've gathered is that she was trying to purchase a home. And I think, again, it's a little skeptical, but not completely. We think she's pretty like, has an urgency to get it paid off so that her credit is in a better place to buy a home. That's why she should have thought of that before she defrauded the government and stole from her son. Here's the deal. There's no way this happens without a fight or without her saying mean things about you guys or whatever.

At the end of the day, she has chosen to be an unethical mother to her son, quite honestly. It's really sad. So the fight has begun. What you're going to do is you're going to keep your head held high. You're going to be a person of dignity and respect.

You're going to do what you said you were going to do and you're moving on because this relationship is separate. I hate that for y'all. We'll be right back. We are back. This is the Ramsey Show, talking about money, your mental and emotional health, your work, whatever you got going on in your life. 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend Rachel Cruz.

Life well? Life good? Yeah, it is. Going out with the sister-in-laws this weekend. It's a brave move. Yeah, I like them. I was actually friends with my sister-in-law before Winston I dated. So she's coming town. We're hanging out for the weekend. That's very cool.

Okay, John. One of the things, I would say things pushbacks that i always get specifically on social media i'll kind of like make it that umbrella um of anything we teach anything any money content that i put out there the number one pushback that i always get is when I tell couples to share bank accounts. So when I talk about combining your money, being one, all this, I mean, people come out of the woodwork mad at me. And then I saw an Instagram reel of a pretty well-known person. We're not going to give him a shout out, but he was saying, no, you should have separate accounts. And then he got all this backlash probably from Ramsey people. I was like, no, it's the worst advice. You need one account. So there's all this conflicting advice out there perspectives

all of it but I mean I stand pretty pretty strong on this I remember us I think we were out at days we were having a conversation and I remember thinking so you'll share a bed you will share genetics and make humans make kids you'll share legal transactions like buying a house and buying cars everything yeah but not that seems like a strange place to draw the line and i get it feels like it's this pseudo safety right it's like people like me who are kind of mini preppers who's like i got my my i got mine over here my beans stored up in the basement like that's going to protect you right um i honestly it's one of the few things that i i outside of uh an abusive relationship if you've had an abusive past where somebody like i get wanting to protect yours i get that that's one of the few things rachel i've tried to wrap my head around and I just can't. I don't understand the hate you get

for telling people, you gotta split up your banking. I mean, you gotta share your banking. Yeah, because I think one of the biggest motivators is fear of divorce, right? What if he leaves? What if you wanna leave and you can't have any money?

I mean, it's a lot of that rhetoric that's part of this. There's that. And then there's this like independent, oh, I have my own thing. It feels good to make my own money, be responsible for myself. There's like an independent side as well. Which is great, but then don't get married on both of those. Because getting married is a decision to not be independent anymore, but to create a new entity together.

Two becomes one, like to create a new path forward in uh two becomes one like to create a new path forward in the world that you were once all by yourself and now we are forever joined as a gang totally so talk about that because i think there's one element to me that you know people like well we fight all the time when we share accounts but when we've separated um we don't fight anymore because we don't have to talk about it i'm like that's like saying well yeah you're avoiding you're literally avoiding the biggest fight that you need to have unless i drink a whole lot and then i just feel better right it's like yes well that works i guess until it doesn't that avoidance i'm like yeah yeah on the surface sure but then you're sweeping under the real issues of why you don't want to share your account and then do you

think that habit of oh we don't talk about it. We're going to avoid it. That that seeps into other areas of marriage, not just money. Does it become a hat? Does it become a, I think it, I think it's, I think it reveals I am hanging on to either a tiny little corner of this person. I used to be, I am, I've got a fantasy that I'm going to, oh, I'm just going to be me, but we're just going to be married now. I think it is not going all in. And I think that's just one of those things that reveals it. Because if somebody says, I refuse to share a bed with the person I just married,

people would be like, you're weird, right? I mean, it just doesn't make any sense. Right. Unless they snore a lot and then God bless you, go to another room. Get a CPAP machine. Yeah. But there's these other things.

I'm not ever putting my spouse on my car. That's just weird, right? Or my house. That's weird. But this is the one that we're all like, yeah, you go, right? So I get it. But here's the deal. It's pseudo autonomy.

It's not real. Yeah. Because if you get divorced, the judge is going to split it up, right? And it's just not real yes unless again you are there's abuse or addiction or you know what i mean like you're trying to protect yourself yes yes and you have to create an off-ramp yep somebody it's kind of the last call somebody else has already breached broken that relationship right now you're trying to stay alive that's a different thing but if you're going all in to be married you gotta go all in yeah and then i'm like i literally was

thinking about this i was like okay so before kids i guess tactically it could be somewhat like okay yeah you get these bills out but then you get the kids i mean i just know for us like i'm gonna start in soccer and i have to buy uniforms i'd be like well you buy them yeah who does the zoo membership you know I'm saying like how do you I don't understand tactically how you live out life so on a tactical sense you guys it's so much easier to function out of one account on a very tactical high level surface reason it's like yeah we're all working out of the same pot so we can figure out okay where's our money going we're getting out of debt we're putting this money here

it's easy there and then what ends up happening out of that is like yeah we end up talking about life we end up actually having to trust each other we end up having to talk we end up having to fight like that's all good have hard disagreements yes because you're all iron sharpens iron towards a common mission a common goal because too john i think i've heard people say like oh yeah we don't fight or we avoid fighting or the con like people people that avoid conflict specifically in marriage probably in life talk to like talk to america about this because you're just you're you're going to communicate this but like you just lose the depth and the richness of marriage if you just are in constant avoidance right and it's going to come out sideways one way or the other but but

actually like having conflict and fighting, and I'm not saying being hurtful to your spouse and name, right? But being able to have conflict, healthy conflict is really important for a marriage. Beneath conflict is this idea that I have enough value that I can say out loud what I need and what I want. And when I say out loud what I need and what I want and I'm married or I'm dating somebody seriously, I've just entered into a risky proposition because the other person who I love

and I've dedicated my life to might say no. And so instead of heading into those murky waters, we just hedge our bets. And I ask people to read my mind. I ask my wife to just imagine what I want for dinner instead of saying, hey, I can't do another pasta dish because I've got gas. So like we need to do something else, right?

And so I just don't say anything. And then I get home and my wife has been working her butt off all day for this amazing pasta dish. And my first thought is, ugh, right? I've just created conflict because I didn't express my needs out loud because I was scared of- Rejection.

Rejection of the other side of this thing. So I just hedge it. And so everyone has to know this. Conflict delayed is conflict amplified. Anytime I choose to squash what I feel, squash what I need, squash what is true, it will show up and it will have been lit on fire and so you can deal with it in the moment in the present yeah um or you can avoid it and it will

show up in the weirdest places and by the way if you pay the light bill and i pay the water bill and you pay the rent but i pay the car insurance just wait till somebody takes too long of a shower and it's like hey i pay that bill and now you've created division in your house being married is hard enough right right don't create extra barriers towards connection right yes and on the financial side i'm like to win long term and to truly have this level of peace that we talk a lot about on the show and to say okay yeah we have goals for our marriage and for our life. We want this and that and that. Running on two separate tracks, it's really hard to get there, to go in the same. It's much easier to be like, we're going to jump on the same road

and go down the same path together. And think about what we don't do. Think about like a business. You have a marketing department, you have a sales department, and you have the building maintenance department. Two of these apartments don't look at the other one and say, hey, you got the phone bill. We'll get to this bill. We'll get to this bill. There is a common pot that pays the bills, right? Everybody puts into this thing.

We do it in our business, but we just think we're magic and the rules don't apply at home. They just do. I want couples who decide, hey, we're going all in. Go all in. Go all in.

And if you get burned somebody hurts you somebody cheats on you whatever and it doesn't work know that you went all in not that you hedged and didn't study for the exam and you got a d on it you're like well i didn't study yeah study risk the work risk studying really hard and getting a d because you probably won't yeah you probably won't which is scary conversation for those of you that may have separate accounts and you're listening to this and you're thinking, gosh, I really do. I want to be. Try it for 90 days.

Try it for 90 days and risk the hard conversations y'all are going to have to have in order to join those accounts. It will be worth it in the long run. Or it will reveal that your relationship has bigger issues than y'all are willing to talk about. And that's normal. That's normal. That's normal. Welcome to marriage.

This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Welcome back. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Rachel Cruz, and we're taking your calls on your life, your relationships, your money, your work, whatever you got going on.

888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to Lynn in the 512 there in Austin, Texas. What's up, Lynn? Hi, John. Hi, Rachel. Thank you so much for taking my call. You got it. What's up? So my husband and I are trying to make the correct decision about our house. We are completely debt-free all the way through Baby Step 7, and we are growing out of our house. We hadn't planned on leaving our house for probably another year or so, but we have some family issues going on. My family currently lives in our subdivision, and my father struggles with addiction, and it's been ongoing for a long time. And so my husband

and I made the really tough decision of putting down some really strong boundaries because we're trying to change our family tree in more ways than one. And so we've cut off communication. That being said, we feel the need to kind of push moving a little bit sooner than we had anticipated. Hey, Lynn, do you care? Lynn, I'm sorry.

Do you mind speaking directly into your phone? Just so we can hear you. I'm sorry. No, you're great. You're great. I just want to make sure we can hear you. Yes, that's better. Thank you. Yes. Yes. And so we were looking at a house that was priced about $200,000 lower than another house that was priced. My husband makes about $580,000 a year and we didn't know what to do. We feel bad going into debt at all. So we were

contemplating staying put and just saving up cash and we'll buy a house cash that'll take us probably about a year to two years to get the house that we were planning on getting, or we can get the less expensive house. And if we financed anything at all, it would probably be somewhere between 75 to 90,000, if even, and we think we might even be at all, it would probably be somewhere between $75,000 to $90,000, if even. And we think we might even be able to pay it off before we close, but not 100% sure. If we get the more expensive house, it would probably take us about two and a half to three years to pay it off. And we've worked really hard to become debt-free. And we are just trying to do the right thing and just kind of change our family tree in so many ways. And we are just totally at a

crossroads because the right thing feels like either we stay put and just suck it up with my family and just hope that we don't run into them. My son, you know, doesn't keep asking. We just don't know what to do. I just need to tell you how proud of you I am. Because what you're doing is very, very hard. Yes, it is. Like emotionally and relationally, that's just tough, man. How old are your kids?

We have one son. He's about to be two. Yeah, that's tough, tough, tough, tough, tough. Do you live... Is your father in a way that he would just show up at the house, knock on the door, like safety issues that you're worried about Lynn? So I would like to say no,

but he has shown up before when he has gone off on, on one of his bingers and shown up one time. And I was at home with my son by myself and it scared me. It's the one time he's done it. I just don't know what he's capable of. I'd like to say that I think we're okay. But the truth is, I don't think that we will feel safe until we have more physical space from both of them because it's both of them. My mom is very codependent with him. And that's why we've had to cut off communication from both of them, which was so hard because

it's just not healthy. It's very toxic. And I feel like as a parent, I don't care as well as I could when all of these things are going on. I just want to be the best parent and wife I can be, and I can't be that when they're so close in proximity. I just applaud you for recognizing what you need and what your family needs and then being willing to make the hard, hard call. Most people in your situation wouldn't have the courage to do what you're doing. That's incredible. So I've got a couple of principles that I live by and so i'm going to put the principles out and i'm going to give you an idea and then rachel i want you to tell me if this is crazy okay principle number one is i don't let somebody else hurt my family and so that is both

physical that is both show up in the middle of the night if i'm unsafe right that might be getting a relationship with the police that might be moving? That also means I'm not going to, to the best of my ability, I'm not going to put my family at risk financially either. And so I don't want to violate my principles in an escape route unless I absolutely have to. I don't want to drive 110 miles an hour unless somebody's going to die if I don't do this. And so that's the first principle there. I want to hold my values. And for you and your family, one of your core values has been,

we don't borrow money. We work too hard to get here. The second core value is, I rarely ever, outside of significant abuse, I reject the either or thinking because when I box myself into an either or moment, I make a bad emotional decision. And so here's a third option. So your options are in your mind are we stay here and I can't breathe because I never know if that knock is coming on the door or if dad's just going to barge in or if my two-year-old's going to be playing outside in the yard and whatever. Or we got to go buy a house and we have to go through, we weren't going to

move just yet, but we got to do this. We got to do this. A third option may be we sell our house ASAP and we might do it with no sign in the yard. So we might even take a little bit less and get it sold. Tell the realtor, hey, we don't want to market this thing, but we want it just gone. And there in Austin, you'll get a good return on it. And we're going to rent for a year or two years. And we're going to give ourselves a chance to breathe. Because what I want you guys to do is to go towards something, not just sprint away from something. Because you're going to end up buying a house that you can't afford. You're going to end up buying too small of a house. And within 18 months, your husband makes half a million dollars a year. You're going to be so

mad that you didn't buy the house that you actually wanted. And you just find yourself in this little limbo. So go rent a house. Y'all make so much money. You can rent a nice house. How much can you sell your house for, Lynn, today? I think you can sell it for about $450. About $450. Okay. Yeah. That's what I was going to say is my caution around making such a big move, meaning selling something and buying a home, which is your two largest transactions that most people make in their lifetime. We're not talking about a used car here, right? I mean, it's your home, it's your residence. And so to not let the high emotion

and that urgency create a bad financial decision when there's another path, like John was saying, of just renting, right? And what that does, Lynn, is it lets you breathe from the safety of your home and that dysfunction that you were explaining to us, because you have physical distance, and that's going to give you peace as a mom with a two-year-old. Like I can only imagine just to be like, I just need to sleep at night just to know the distance that we're in. I think that's a really important factor in this. I mean, I really do. So I want that for you.

But then on the financial side, I don't want you to rush into something that, again, it's your largest purchase that, again, most people make in their lifetime with their primary residence. So I don't want you rushing into that with this high emotion either. So I think getting some space physically is going to help that distance. And it's going to slow you guys down in the process. Because what I don't want, Lynn, is like, yes, hurry, get into the house that you think you might be able to cash for the $75 to $90. And it's the less expensive house, but it's working now. Go, go, go. And like John said, you look up in 24 months, and you're like, man, I really wanted the other one and we could have had it and we have plenty of money it could have been and we don't want to move you know like all of that so yeah the renting I think is a really it solves both issues for you guys to be able to save and continue to cash flow the property that you

really want and honestly Lynn too I would say 12 months from now who knows knows what's up for sale too, right? So just giving you guys this patience that it's not this, this is my only thing or it's not. And let's call this out. Moving is the worst. Yeah, it's going to be terrible. Moving with a two-year-old, super the worst.

And your husband makes half a million dollars. And so- It's also an ego buster, too. We rented for 10 years. I know, I know, I know. Gotta put the ego aside. Yeah. You are changing your family tree.

The ego makes you make bad decisions. The ego makes you do stupid things. That's right, that's right, that's right. Every time. And here's the thing. Your husband makes half a million dollars. Pay someone. Pay somebody to do every...

Y'all just go say, we're going to Hawaii andi and we're back our crap better be moved to this house yeah i would do it like that and i'd pay the money and have it done you're just in a you're in a season of blessing right now i would do that and i would i would i love what you said rachel this is like almost a nervous system move we're gonna create peace in our home and then we're gonna start making some of these challenging decisions moving forward. Yeah. I'm sorry, Lynn, that you guys are going for it. But I echo what John said at the beginning.

It's incredible. People that create boundaries, especially with family that's close, like that's so hard. It's so hard. So well done. I applaud you guys. And the story you will tell that you had to rent again, even with husband making a bajillion. It's just all part of the story that will be told with how you changed your family tree. It's just all part of the story that will be told with how you changed your family tree. It's amazing. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back.

Hey, listen, paying off debt is smart and saving and investing is smart, but there's one key to winning with money that people overlook all the time and that's protecting your finances from emergencies. Rachel, nobody likes to pay for insurance, but insurance saves the day. Always. There's 10 kinds of insurance coverage you might need based on what your life looks like today. So we've built a tool called the coverage checkup to show you what types you need to add, drop, or adjust.

We'll even rank your coverage list by importance and tell you, hey, you got to do this one right now. And we're going to email it to you and connect you with Ramsey Trusted Insurance providers so you can get your plan in place fast. And Rachel, here's what's important about these kind of ads. We all use this stuff too. This is what we do in our homes, right? So this isn't us just shilling something out there.

That's right. This is what keeps our families safe as well. Yeah, so whether it's umbrella policies, life insurance, car insurance, auto, I mean, all of it, it's so important. And like you said, I'm such a spender. So when I see chunks of money just leaving and I don't see it, whether it's even investing,

and I'm like, I know 60-year-old Rachel will be very happy, but right now I'm like, well, bye. What do I want now even investing and I'm like I know 60 year old Rachel will be very happy but right now I'm like well bye now I can like do some stuff with that or a lot of our insurance is quarterly I don't know how you and Sheila have your setup and so like this month was one and it was like in our every dollar budget and I see the amount we pay and I'm like but then our roof something happened because there was a hailstorm and all this stuff we gotta check to fix the roof i'm like well that's kind of nice we do ours on the annual plan and it hurts it's not fun it's a not fun i know but also happens like well not to bring down a room but i've sat with

too many oh yes widows who've lost their husband i look in there's a it's just a hollow look and they say what do i do now? So future John that, God forbid something happened to my family is going to be really grateful that we do this. So listen, visit ramsaysolutions.com slash checkup. It's ramsaysolutions.com slash checkup. Don't let an emergency sneak up on you. Just be ready. Be ready and have peace. All right, let's go out to Will in the ATL and see what's up. What's up, Will? Hey, how are y'all?

We're partying, man. What are you up to? Okay, so I just had a few questions kind of on the same topic, and I just kind of wanted to get your advice on them. So I'm 18, and I have just recently opened a Roth IRA. And I just kind of wanted to get y'all's opinion on like,

how much should I put in there right now? How much should I be saving for an engagement ring that I'm possibly going to be buying in the next year or for a down payment on a house or things like that like where should the focus of my finances be going towards dang 18 well I got a lot going on so are you uh I was trying to get somebody to date me at 18 buying a Roth IRA who are you man you're like you're like AI Will you not even real. So my parents did financial peace and all that stuff. So I grew up under a good house. Hey, 18-year-old Will is doing great.

Okay, well, are you doing college? Are you working full-time? What's your status? No, okay, so I didn't go to college. I graduated high school, and now I'm working as a superintendent for a contracting company. Okay. And so that's for the foreseeable future. That's what you'll be doing? Yes. Great. And how much do you make a year? About 40 before taxes. Okay, great. So I'll start with the engagement ring. We always recommend about a month's worth of salary to spend on an engagement ring. So

that's kind of the, that's the rule of thumb. So I'd have that number in your head to say, okay, that kind of feels, that feels right. And then I would walk you through the baby steps. Right now, saving for a house, it sounds like you have a lot of life transitions possibly coming in the next two, three years of your life. So buying a house right now, I think would be probably not the smartest investment just because the amount of change that could be occurring of maybe it's another job change, or if you do get engaged and you're married and you guys move city, like, I mean, there's just a lot that can happen. So saving for a down payment right this moment, I probably wouldn't focus so much on.

But I would focus on an emergency fund. Do you just have cash in the bank? Yes, and I already have a little money in my Roth IRA that I put in. How much do you have just liquid cash that's in the bank? I have like $4,500. $4,500. Okay. And are you living at home? Yes, but that's possibly in transition to moving with my brother. Okay. Okay. But that's still going to be paying just partial rent, right? Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. That's great. Yeah. So as long as that 4,500, do you, if you feel like is

a good, you know, three month emergency fund for your season of life right now, then you can leave that. And then, yeah, I mean, I would, I would put 15% of your income into that Roth. I wouldn't worry about maxing it out. I would just worry about that 15% because also, Will, you have so much time, right? I mean, you're fine. I wouldn't focus so much on just like, oh my gosh, you have to put everything away. Even though compound interest, I get all of that. But if you're putting 15% of your income at 18 years old, you're going to be just fine. So anything extra I would save in just a high yield savings accounts just for the big transitions coming up, aka a ring, possibly the wedding, a down payment on a home, all of that. That's kind of where I would be focused on. If I was 18, that would be my goal. And I'm going to tell you something that

everybody is going to, in your life that is around you, is going to tell you the opposite. Okay. And I'm right. Okay. So everyone else around you is going to give you dumb advice. This is the right advice. Are you ready? Yeah. I think it would be wise to spend your first year of marriage. If you get messy, you get married at 19, you get married at 20. I think it would be very wise for you all to spend the first year of your marriage renting someplace, whether it's a small house or an apartment or whatever. Putting the stress of home ownership on a 19 or 20-year-old who's just in a first year of marriage is madness. You won't recognize you right now when you're 21.

You'll have had three to five years experience on a construction crew. You'll have a couple years of marriage. You'll be having kids. You're thinking about kids. You're thinking about going back to school. I want you to be as, you know, if you want to get married, get married. I'm not going to talk you out of that. That's between you and your future wife and your pastor and all that kind of stuff.

But I want you to be as flexible as possible because life's going to be sideways and changing and moving and ups and down, all that stuff over the next three to five years. And so keep building, keep you way ahead of the game. Your biggest challenge is going to be not trying to dump too much jet fuel into a really great car that you have and burning the engine up because, man, you are on a trajectory. Rachel said you're going to be just fine. I'll rephrase it. You're going to be stupid wealthy if you're already at 18, putting money in a Roth, already thinking about saving. You are so far ahead of the game, you can't even understand it at 18. So I want you to have as much joy in your life and be flexible and be learning and learning and learning and working

Not stressing over a new roof or we need to fix this. We got to fix the bathroom all that kind of crap That comes with home ownership. Is that fit? So again, well Just 15 of your income into that roth And then anything extra you have just put away for savings because there's going to be expenses coming up in the future And waiting a year after you guys get married to actually purchase a home, like John said. All right. Let's go out to Eric in Chi-Town in Chicago. What's up, Eric?

Hey, how you guys doing? We're right up against the clock, so it goes as fast as you can. Okay. We're on baby step two, and I'm considering pausing my 401k contributions and using that money to pay down the debt even faster. Correct, Eric. Yes. Ding, ding, ding.

That is the correct answer. Pay it off, pay it off, pay it off, pay it off, pay it off. Yeah, so that's the one, one of the things that people cringe at some of our advice. Honestly, it's one of the things like, wait, what? Pause investing? Yes, pause investing and throw that extra money, Eric, just like you said, to get out of debt that much faster. And then you can press play on that debt. So Eric, how much debt do you guys have? Total about $80,000. Okay. Yes. Awesome. Pause it all, pause it all, pause it all and pay that

debt off as quickly as possible. Thanks for the call. Yeah. Thanks for the call, pause it all, pause it all, and pay that debt off as quickly as possible. Thanks for the call. Yeah, thanks for the call, brother. Hey, that's the first hour in the books here. Way to go, Rachel. You're getting better at this. Well done, John. You did okay.

Keep working, and you're going to become a radio sensation. Hey, this is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Dr. John Deloney. If you love the show and want a deeper dive on your money journey, we have a weekly newsletter that gives you trending and helpful articles and tips on following the Ramsey way. Just go to RamseySolutions.com today to sign up for our newsletter. Again, that's RamseySolutions.com to sign up for our weekly newsletter.