The Ramsey Show - App - The Statistics of Successful Marriages (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 27, 2019

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🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host. Thanks for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Starting off this hour, Adam is with us in Madison, Wisconsin.

Hi, Adam. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. What's up? Not much. So I got a question, but I had a suggestion, too. Sherry's talking about great side jobs, and a great side job is like refereeing for youth sports. And, you know, because, like, I can do, like, a two-hour, two-and-a-half hour, and I'll make $60 doing an older kid game.

And they always need refs. But I always wanted to suggest that as a great, you a great side job, because it's a good one. But the question I had is, like three or four years ago, I heard you talk about like seven, I think it was seven goals that you should sort of set for the new year. And now that we're getting close to the new year, I can't find that podcast

anymore, and I lost the list. And I wanted to know if you could just sort of lay out the seven goals, or maybe it was eight goals that you should sort of have different categories for the new year and talk about that. Okay, I'll try to remember them if I can get it off the top of my head. It's a lesson I teach in Entree Leadership, but I think I've got it stored in my brain. You need to set goals in several areas of your life. Zig Ziglar used to call it the wheel of life, the different areas of our life.

And they affect each other. So if you do one without doing it, if you win in one area without winning in the other, you can destroy the other. So like, for instance, you set career goals and you set family goals. If you win at your career and all you do is work and you never see your family, your family will leave. But if all you do is spend time with your family, you'll starve to death. Well nurtured, but if all you do is spend time with your family, you'll starve to death. Well-nurtured, but starve to death.

I mean, you'll be emotionally fabulous, but you'll be skinny because you don't work and you can't eat, right? So that's two of them is set goals in the family area, set goals in the career area. Another overlapping one would be the financial area. Obviously, we would talk about that one. Physical goals. Are you going to run a marathon this year or lose or bench 300 i don't know whatever none of those are on my list but anyway maybe the maybe cookies maybe chocolate chip cookies but the uh anyway so so physical goals um family goals um uh career goals, financial goals, spiritual goals would be one.

There's another one I'm trying to think. Social. Social. That's the one I always forget. Yeah, I don't have any friends. I wouldn't have any friends if I wasn't married. So, yeah. Yeah, social goals.

And so, you know, just sit down and go, okay, what are we going to do from a social perspective this year? I mean, those people you tell them you're always going to have lunch with them and you never do. Let's just make a list of them and say we really do want to see them. Now, the ones you're lying to and you don't want to see, then it's not who I'm talking about. But, yeah, let's do lunch. You don't plan to. That's not what I'm talking about. But the ones you really do want to see.

And you need to set some physical goals. If you don't take care of your physical body, it'll mess up your career because you'll be in the hospital. And so exercise is a physical goal, obviously. Our exercise is a method of accomplishing a physical goal. So let's see if I got them. Let's see. Financial, career, physical, family, spiritual, social. I think that's it.

I think there were six of them on that wheel, six spokes on that wheel, if I remember. Okay. Yeah, and then to set goals, in addition to that, we'll just keep going, you need to have goals that are specific and measurable. I want to lose weight is not specific. It is measurable, but it's not specific. So how much weight do you want to lose? 30 pounds.

Okay, now we're starting to get a goal. The third thing is goals need to have a time frame. I want to lose 30 pounds. Great. How often and how many times and how long are you going to take? I want to lose 30 pounds in 90 days. Now we're starting to get a goal because that's 10 pounds a month, two and a half pounds a week.

I want to make $100,000. When? Over 40 years? No, in one year. Oh, okay. That's $8,333 a month. That's $2,100 a week. So now how are we going to get about that?

That's $100,000 a year. So if that's what you want to make, you start breaking it down. As soon as you have a time frame, it divides out. If it's specific, measurable, has a time frame. The fourth one is the goals have to be yours. You have to own them. My wife wants me to lose weight. That won't work.

My wife wants my career to go better. That won't work. My mommy wants me to be a dentist. I don't want to be your patient. I want you to be a dentist because you're called to do it. I don't want to go to your church because your daddy told you to be a preacher. But because your heavenly father called you, now that would be good. I'll go to that church.

So that kind of a thing. It needs to be your goals. You need to own them. My boss told me I had to do this. It's not a goal. That's a quota. And so time has to have a time frame, has to be measurable, has to be specific, need to be your goals.

And the last thing is they need to be in writing. Write them down. And if you don't write it down, it's not going to happen. The Bible says in Habakkuk 2.2, write the vision and make it plain. And so write it down. Put it in front of you. Put it on your computer screen when it comes open. Put it on your car mirror.

I don't care. But write it out. And something happens when you write it out. Now, don't just put it in a drawer. Lay it around where you can see it. But I want to make $100,000 this year. I want to lose 30 pounds in the next 90 days. I'm going to do these six things to make my marriage better this year.

We're going to have dinner with 12 couples this year, 12 families this year, or whatever. We're going to, you know, intellectual goals. That's another one I left out. I want to, I're going to, you know, intellectual goals. That's another one I left out. I'm going to take some classes. I want to read a nonfiction book a month, which, by the way, the average millionaire does. And they can't tell you who got thrown off the island or who can't dance.

They're not sure about reality TV, whether it's reality or not, so they don't watch it. And so on. You just adopt the habit patterns and take the steps to hit those goals once you do those five things to hit those six or seven areas. You were right. It was seven because intellectual was the seventh one. And so what are you going to do to feed your intellect? Read, read, read, read, read, by the way. And there are several ways to take in content now.

I appreciate all of you listening to my podcast. I appreciate you watching our videos on YouTube. It does not stimulate the brain the same way that reading does. Your brain fires differently. The electrons in your brain fire differently when you read, and it stimulates thoughts and stimulates vision and dreams and ambition much more than media does, meaning audio or video media or mediums.

And so even an audio book doesn't do what reading a book does. I'll be reading a book and have seven ideas about something that don't have anything to do about what I'm reading about. That's partly because I'm a little bit ADD. But what it does is it fires the brain up. It gets your brain moving. And I'm not talking about reading fiction. I read fiction too. I read a lot of fiction makes airplanes fly faster, but, uh, or makes a beach get calmed down all that. But, but if I'm reading a business book or a leadership book or a nonfiction book on

parenting or marriage or whatever area I'm wanting to study right then, it fires your brain up and you start having ideas that have nothing to the subject matter that you're reading a lot of times. And I've had that happen many times. I'll fill up a yellow pad with ideas while I'm reading a book and it has nothing to do with what I'm reading. So just keep the yellow pad there. It's not, I'm joking about being ADD.

It's not ADD. It's what happens to the physical makeup of your brain while you're doing that. It changes things. So it's very difficult to keep your brain fired up if you never read. So, some interesting discussions. Adam, thanks for calling in. Let me get up on my soapbox a little bit here and start this hour of the Dave Ramsey Show off. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

Let me tell you a story about two families that are very much alike in a lot of ways. Both families have two working parents and a couple of young kids. Each has debt and has struggle to make ends meet, but they're starting to make headway with their budgets and smarter decisions with money. They have dreams and plans, and the only real difference is that one family has the right amount of term life insurance and the other doesn't. Big difference. If one of the parents die, and that does happen, Their well-being would be destroyed. Paying for the mortgage, utilities, food, and other bills would be impossible, let alone saving for education or retirement. That's why every day I talk relentlessly about getting term life insurance.

Just go to ZanderInsurance.com or call 800-356-4282 and see how inexpensive it really is. Be the family that takes those deliberate steps to be different and responsible. It really does make you the hero of your story, and it puts you on course for better things ahead. Samantha is with us in Tampa, Florida. Hi, Samantha. How are you? I'm great. Thank you. Thank you for taking my call. Sure.

I am a stay-at-home mom of six kids, and I just am in the process of getting term life insurance on myself. And my question is, is how much as a stay-at-home mom should I be getting? And two of my six kids are from my first marriage, and so I'm curious if there's a percentage that I should leave for them and leave the rest under my husband. What would happen to them if something happened to you? Well, they're 21 and 18, so technically they would probably be just kind of on their own. Yeah, no, you don't need to. I mean, if you wanted to leave them some actual money, a little bit you could,

should something happen to you. But I don't, I mean, it would just be a little bit of a, you know, $20,000, $30,000 or something to get started, right? But they don't need big chunks of money because they're, you know, they're able-bodied and they'll be fine. And they're virtually grown. So what we tell folks, again, is we're trying to replace the lost income. In your case, you don't have an income, but you provide a service that would have to be replaced.

In other words, your husband's got to hire Mary Poppins, right? He will because the other are 12, 10, 9, and 8. Yeah, I mean, we not only have nanny, but we have car service. We have laundry service and we have meal service. Right. So, you know, if you wanted to hire Mary Poppins, you know, you probably could find her for somewhere around $40,000 a year right now. And so if you did that, you'd say, well, I want 400,000 on you. What's your husband make um he thinks about 150 160 with bonuses i'd put i'd put i'd put 400 500 on you

and that way he could use the income off of that literally to replace not the heart obviously not the care of a mom but the duties that a mom does right okay and it takes 40 it take 40 50 000 a year to do that i mean we're talking maid service and taxi service and tutoring yeah and um you know and laundry and food and whatever else you know i mean uh nanny so uh you know you start by adding that. You've got some help here he's going to need, or his income is going to go down because he's going to be home more, and it's going to affect his career dramatically. It would definitely go down, and I'd want us to be able to pay off the house,

which is our only debt at this point. What do you owe on the house? $176,000. Okay. Yeah, that'd be fine. I mean, again, $400,000 or $500,000 on you would be fine given that he makes $150,000, and so he needs $1.5 million to $2 million on him, and somewhere in that range.

And just check Zander Insurance and get you a deal on some term life insurance. And then later on when the kids are grown and gone, you know, and you've got a big pile of money and the house is paid off, we don't have to worry about any of this. You can drop the insurance. You become self-insured at that point. Brad is with us in Connecticut. Hey, Brad, how are you?

Hi, Mr. Ramsey. Good. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can I help? Well, we thank you for all the help and guidance helping us get to the point where we are now. Cool.

We've reached baby steps five and six with our emergency fund, 15% going into retirement. Right. And, you know, we're trying to keep up that gazelle intensity and trying to juggle the college savings along with we really want to pay off the house. You know, we're looking for some advice and motivation to keep up the pace we're going at. It seems that we're stretching the budget as soon as we can, and, you know, do we look to increase our income? Do we, I guess we're looking for some inspiration,

some more motivation and some advice in regards to that. Okay, gazelle intensity is a level of intensity where you are running for your life as if a cheetah was chasing you, and you do not maintain that past baby step three. Okay. But until you get to baby step three, you run for your life to get out of debt and get your emergency fund in place. When you cross that threshold of baby step three, which you have done,

I want you to let your foot off the gas a little bit. Okay. Be very intentional, but don't be so intense that nobody can breathe. And I don't mind if you own beans and rice, rice and beans while you're getting out of debt. That's what you need to do. No vacations. Don't see the inside of a restaurant unless you're working there. You're getting out of debt.

That's gazelle intensity, right? But now when you come across and you've got that emergency fund in place and you're debt-free but the house, now you've got some cash flow. Now we start putting 15% away for retirement. As you said, you started your kid's college. And then any money we can squeeze or find out of the budget intentionally, a bonus or a small inheritance, we sell something, whatever it is, something pops up, extra money, we just throw it at the house.

And we just keep chunking on that house, and you'll get that house knocked out. The average is 7 to 10 years for baby step 6 to knock the house out from the time you start. And, again, people sometimes take a little longer. Sometimes they take a little less. But I don't want you guys where you go seven, eight years with no vacation, seven, eight years with trying to maintain this level of intensity, because you'll just explode eventually. I mean, you don't want to do that. So this is the point you save and upgrade in car a little bit.

This is the point you save and buy that couch, or you save and go on vacation, you know. And so you have a little bit more life here, actually a lot more life here than you do when you're in those first three baby steps. But you're very intentional. Every dollar still has a name. We're still following baby steps four, five, six simultaneously, 15% of your income going into retirement, something towards kids' college,

enough to where they get to go to college. That's the idea. And then from there, we're going to go ahead and just whatever other money we can find, we start chunking it on the house. You'll be just fine doing that. All right. Lorena. Lorena is with us in Charlotte.

Hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you, Dave? Thank you for taking my call. Sure. I mispronounced your name. How do you pronounce it? Lorena.

Lorena. Okay, good. How can I help? I recently lost my father, and I am the executor of his estate. Two of the heirs are minor children. They're only six years old. There's about 4,000 going to each child, and I want to put it up and not make it available to the children who are 18

so they know that their grandfather left them something. And I've talked to a couple bankers, each from different banks, and the only recommendation was just put it in a savings account. Well, of course, it's not earning any interest. And because it's going to be put up for the next 12, 13 years, I didn't know if you had a recommendation. I would like to grow it for them a little bit if I can. Do the terms of the will allow you to do that?

It doesn't stipulate. It just stipulates I have to provide this money to the children. Okay. You should ask the attorney that's probating the estate if you're required to give it to them now. I do not have to go. The estate did not have to go into probate. Okay. So I'm not working with an attorney.

I did talk to the girl's mothers, and they are both okay with the children not getting the money. I want them to send you an email to that effect. Okay. So you have it in writing so they don't sue you later for not dispersing this money on the estate. Okay. Okay. Now, so what you do is called an utma it's a uniform transfer to minors act it simply means the money is in the child's name

and there is an adult custodian that's in charge of the money until the child is 21 okay utma and you can open a mutual fund with anMA, and you name an adult as the custodian, and the money is in the child's name. That also might help you as an executor not get sued because the money's actually been put in their name. They just don't have access to it. I did do something similar to that. It's just not drawing hardly any interest on it. Yeah, you need to be in a mutual fund.

Okay. You can open a mutual fund that way. Who's the custodian? You? Yes. Okay. And then I made their mothers the beneficiary if something was to happen to me. Okay.

That's fine. Good. Yeah, you can just get in touch with one of our SmartVestor pros, and click SmartVestor at DaveRamsey.com. They'll sit down with you. They can help you move that to a mutual fund, and it's just in the kid's name. You're the custodian until they're 21.

It's that simple. Pick out a good mutual fund that's going to give you a better rate of return than a stupid bank savings account, which pays nothing. Yeah, you're right. Good question, and you've got a good heart. You're doing good stuff for those kids. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you for being here, America. We're glad you're with us.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. Melanie is in Reno. Hi, Melanie. Welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up?

Well, I need some direction, I think. My husband and I are on Baby Step 2, and I'm in a job right now that the only reason why I'm in it is because I made a formal complaint and was removed from the career that I was in. So I'm in litigation. This all started three years ago, litigation a year and a half. Basically, this position that I'm in is sucking the life out of me. And I know that we need to pay off this debt. But at the same time, I have absolutely no passion for my field anymore. And I just want to get out as fast as possible. Are you still working in the same place you filed a complaint against? I'm still working for the yeah for the same county it's

just they created a position because I couldn't work in the position where I was at because of my supervisor. Right okay and so the complaint is ongoing or the settlement for the complaint is ongoing? Yeah it's in litigation right now because the county said there was nothing they could do. It's against an elected official. Hmm, okay. So 19 years I've been in this field. What do you do? I have law enforcement.

Okay, and what do you make? Right now I grow 84 a year. Okay. And so if you left, what do you make? Right now, I grow 84 a year. Okay. And so if you left, what would you do? Well, my passion is numbers. I like grants. I like budgets. I like doing that sort of thing. I've thought about going back to school, but then I just listened to one of your podcasts that said, if you're in debt, then you don't need any more debt, obviously, with school. Right.

And at this point, in order to do another field, beginner level, I'd be looking at taking a good $25 an hour pay cut. What do you make a year now? You said 84. Okay. Okay. And are you an officer i was um an administrator um a chief deputy okay all right why could and you just don't want to do that even in another place it's not the place and the and the crap you're dealing with in that particular area i mean what

if you went to a different county? That's the thing is going to a different county based on those positions. I mean, you can get them, but at the same time, I'm in the middle of litigation and the reason for the litigation in this field, you kind of get a big black mark on you and nobody wants to touch you because of number one, you're in the middle litigation with your employer and number two because of the the type of complaint that was made yeah they're afraid that you you might be a complainer okay correct okay well that's logical i

guess sad that the victim becomes the victim. Okay. I hear that you're not going to be doing this. How old are you? I'm 42. Okay. Yeah, I hear that you're not going to be doing this when you're 52.

I just don't know what it is you're going to be doing yet. You make 84 right now, and you're emotionally exhausted with this whole stinking mess. I got that. I got that without a doubt. I'm wondering, number one, is there application for your skills and your experience in business that there and there may be application for that that is not as big a pay cut as what you're talking about. The number two, is there a career? I mean, is there an education path that you cash flow that gets you to where you make the change more smoothly than what you're talking about?

In other words, you're running really hard from something. You're not running to something very hard. Yeah. Now, if I do go to school, I could cash flow in associates and accounting. Let's say I could do that and still continue to be slamming as much cash as I can. That feels desperate to somebody that's 42 years old that's been in an executive position that's already making 85. And associates and accounting sounds dumbed down.

I think you're running really hard from something. You are really disgusted and over this place. Yes. I mean, it hurts your bones to walk in there. I hear it. Oh, I don't blame you. And I drive two hours a day to get to and from this place. Lord, why?

How long have you been doing that? I live in a rural area, so it's an hour commute each way for me. But it's just, it's... What does your husband make a year? My husband, he started a new job in May. So combined income this year will probably be sitting at about growth gross 140 145 so he's making 60 65 and i i think i'm not quite sure exactly that he was making 68 he took a bit of a pay cut um to come back local how much data you guys got we have uh right about,000 debt and then add the house, which is another 240,000.

What's the 90,000? The 90 is a personal loan, a credit card, a truck, a student loan. How much is the truck? The truck is 33. Yeah, I would sell that. I want to get you where you don't have the pressure and you can make these steps, and I want you to think a little clearer about what your steps are. So, in other words, I see no reason to go get a degree to make half of what you're making now.

That just feels wrong. And so if we're going to get a degree degree let's go get a degree that at least you know maybe we take a small step back because we're shifting we're changing boats and so that we can take a step up now are you in the rural county or is the place you're working the rural county both actually okay all right so your uh your economic opportunity is limited where you are yeah basically uh to make what i'm making i would find myself commuting uh still again yeah so you may be looking at a move anyway which might be better for the economics of all of you all the way around i don't know you gotta decide how you want to live your life and what you want to do.

You have a ridiculously long commute. You have an untenable job. I mean, your husband just took a slight pay cut, and you're talking about cutting your pay in half because you're that miserable. So let's keep working on this plan. This hasn't turned into a plan yet. I want a plan where there's no debt, no commute, and I make more money at the end of the story. Anyway, I don't

mind if it takes me two years of work to get there or three years of work to get there, but I want a better story. There's no end to this story yet. That sounds fun. Uh, five years from now, you're 42 when you're 52, what is it you're going to be doing that doesn't make you 84, but makes you 140, and that doesn't have a two-hour commute, and you're out of debt? So what do we do to get there? And there are some things you can do that will get you there. We've just got to think it through a little bit more. But right now, you're just grabbing at straws because you just want to quit.

And I really don't blame you. I understand. But this is the – yeah, you're going to have to tough it out a little while longer until you have a better landing spot because your landing spot right now sucks. Hey, thanks for the call. Open phones at 888-825-5225. What would you do if you never had a credit card bill? What if you never had another one?

What if you never had another car payment? What if you gave Sally Mae her eviction notice and said, you're out of here? What if you were on track and you could see that in X number of years, I'm going to be an everyday millionaire? We can show you how to do that. It's called Financial Peace University. You go to the nine-week class, and we throw in a one-year membership. That's pretty cool. Now you go to the one-week class, Financial Peace University, the nine-week class,

and we give you a Financial Peace membership, which gives you all the online stuff for the continuing classes, plus the online community, plus every dollar plus, hundreds of dollars worth of stuff we throw in nowadays. The deal is the best it's ever been, and it's a great gift to somebody, too. It helps them change their life. Out of debt, on the track, everyday millionaire.

Financial Peace University and the Financial Peace Membership at Dave Ramsey Show. Andrew is with us in Los Angeles. Hi, Andrew. How are you? Better Angeles. Hi, Andrew. How are you? Better than I deserve, Dave. How are you? Just the same, sir. How can I help? So I've heard you talk about and give advice to callers about not waiting to get married until after you pay off debt. And I've also heard you talk about the four things, the money, the relationships with family and stuff like that, that drop divorce rate down to zero.

The situation I find myself in with my girlfriend is that divorce is rampant in her family. I don't know anyone in her family who is either never married or was divorced. So I guess I'm wondering what kind of maybe statistics game I should be playing to drop that divorce rate for us down. And then maybe some books or ways to get on the same page before we get married for those things. Okay. There is a book out, and I think it's Shanti Feldman that did the book. Okay. And I can't remember the name of the book off my hand.

My guys will be looking while we're talking and trying to find it so I can give it to you. But Shanti was actually on the show one time, and I've heard her speak several times, and she's done – it's about the mythology of divorce you know you've heard the statistic 50 percent of marriages end in divorce right okay the book is called the good news about marriage shanti s-h-a-u-n-t-i is her first name shanti i believe it's felt i think it's the right last name anyway she did uh data analysis in that book, and it sounded something like this. Yes, 50% of Americans' marriages end in divorce. But if you graduate from college, both of you, it goes way down.

If your household income is over $50,000 a year, it goes way down. If you both attend worship together, meaning you have an agreed value system on religion, it goes way down. If one of the things you can't control, if both your parents stayed married, and in this case you don't have that, that's not a variable you can control if you don't live together prior to marriage it goes way down if you don't have kids prior to getting married it goes way down and so when you look at some of those things that she reported in the data that she has pulled, it amounts to when you make a series of bad decisions in your life regarding education, money, morals, and so forth, it ends up affecting the statistical evidence, the data points on whether you make it or not and so if you're educated make decent money um you just don't face as many problems you know to be unfair to people that don't have that now

does that mean you can't stay married if you're uneducated no it doesn't mean that does it mean your marriage is not going to make it if you live together first no it does not mean that but i'm just saying these are the data points that say if you do all this. The other one was, and I think this is in Shanti's, or I may have read it in another report, the length of engagement is six months or longer, but not too long, like 12 to six months. In other words, kind of common sense tells you if you met somebody three days ago and you get married, you have a higher likelihood probability, high statistical likelihood of ending in divorce than if you dated for eight months prior to getting married and got, you know, and were engaged six of those, that

kind of a thing. And so, you know, in other words, you actually know who you're freaking marrying. Well, duh, you know, that kind of thing. So the other one is pre-marriage counseling. And the Catholic Church does a wonderful job with pre-marriage counseling, and they've got a bunch of data. I've read a few of those reports. I can't cite it right now. I'm just kind of rambling.

But there's all this research laying out there that says if you do pre-marriage counseling in depth, which in your case I'd highly recommend, because I'll tell you what happened when my kids went to pre-marriage counseling i didn't go i didn't i wasn't smart enough okay i was just a dumb red neck but um my pre-marriage my pre-marriage counseling was five minutes with the uh with the baptist preacher that was going to marry us before he agreed to marry us that my wife had grown up in that church and so he probably rolled his eyes and went this kid this kid ain't got a chance but that but good pre-marriage counseling makes you ask questions like, what are the

good parts of your family you want to bring into this? And what are the bad parts you don't want to bring into this? And my kids really experienced that because you could think marrying into my family. Oh, my gosh. Strong personalities, a lot of spotlight, a lot of pressure, a lot of, you know, any toxicity is magnified can you imagine marrying my son just got married this year and young lay married into our family we love her she is wonderful but bless her heart she really came into a mess you know and so ramsey's we're we're loud

and crazy and fun and scary and all those things right so but you know they got to tell you to talk about that in the counselor's office of what are you getting into and how are you going to act in this situation, how are you going to react in that situation. So there's really good data on length of engagement and depth of pre-marriage counseling. That's why a lot of people go through Financial Peace University together to get on the same page on money.

Let's see here. Length of engagement or length of of um dating because i'm in my first year of college she's in her i'm sorry i'm in my second year of college she's in her third um so i what i planned on doing is waiting until we're at least you know close to the end of college to get married because of that. That would be fine. That wouldn't be unusual in your situation. Were you both out of school to just delay it for two years? It would be a lot weirder than you doing it right now, delaying it. You've got an actual reason that you're marking it with.

And one of our kids got married. Her husband, Winston, graduated the month they got married, and she had six months to go. I didn't think I would ever be okay with that as a dad, but Winston was such a stud, such a sharp guy that we're like, okay, this will work. And so they actually got married, lived in Knoxville, and she finished her schooling, finished six months of school afterwards, and then moved to Nashvilleashville and joined our team but in rachel cruz's situation but so you can do stuff like that if you just kind of talk it through and everybody's good with it but i think you really got to get into the other parts of this um and the fact that you're asking this question and you're thinking about how to plan this and you see the potential trouble spots if you'll address them and know what they are, take them on head on,

then you really can increase your percentages considerably on all of that. So really cool question, Andrew. Yeah, I would recommend that you have a detailed plan that both sets of parents are in on and that you feel good about. And I would really spend some money and some time in the counselor's office, in a good family counselor's office, maybe a good pastor that does this, or a good on-staff counselor at a church that does it. If you're a person of faith, you get that element in there. And, you know, what part is God going to play in this marriage,

and how's this going to work together? And, you know, when you open your mouth, is your father's voice going to come out or what if your parents's marriage didn't work why and how do we address that and what insecurities is that going to bring you know if you come out of a uh a household that they uh there was alcoholism or there was drug use or there was something else going on um you know then then it's it's you know you've got the adult child of an alcoholic thing to deal with and that's that's just part of it it's okay it doesn't mean it's the person's not whole and we're all broken somewhere uh but you just got to get in there and kind of ferret that stuff out and deal with it ahead of time you put it up on

the table then when it raises its head, you go, oh, I recognize you, we talked about you earlier, when that monster tries to kick its way out of the closet. By the way, folks, here's a couple of other stats that I just pulled up that are interesting that I do actually have in front of me. A report on this topic focusing on millennials reports that 97% of those who follow the success sequence, which is earn at least a high school diploma go to work and marry before having children 97 percent of the time will not be at the poverty

level when they enter their 30s this is largely true for ethnic minorities and those who grew up in poor families but sadly fewer millennials are keeping these things in order compared to their boomer and Xer forebearers. If you will graduate from school first, work second, then marry, and then have kids, you have a 97% probability. That's pretty cool cool of avoiding poverty. Only 4% of homes with a married mother and a married father are on food stamps. 21% living together are.

28% of single parent households are. Yeah. That's what we're facing right now. And these are decisions that we all make and we're here to help you wherever you are we're not mad at you these are just data points to help you figure out how to win hey it's kelly associate producer and phone screener for the dave ramsey show this episode is over but if you heard about a product or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry.

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