The Ramsey Show - App - They Paid Off Over $1 Million of Debt! (Hour 1)

Episode Date: May 6, 2021

Debt, Home Buying, Relationships Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show. Where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Dr. John Deloney. Ramsey Personality is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. As we talk about your life, that's why Dr. John's here, and your money, that's why I'm here, and we'll probably both interrupt each other as we go along. It's kind of what we do here. Jamie is with us. Jamie is in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Hi, Jamie. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, I wanted to ask you about a little bit of a

shadow plan on buying my first home. I have enough cash to buy it, cheap fixer-upper, and pay cash without a mortgage. But the problem I have is I need a garage on site big enough to run a small business out of. And I can't afford a property with a big garage and a house. So I have to figure out if I'm better off buying the house, paying cash, and then financing putting a the building up, or the other way around. Well, I guess if it's the same amount of money that you're going into debt either way, it's just whichever property you want to end up with, right? I guess, but being self-employed, it's very difficult to get a mortgage. I was kind of figuring that if I had a property and held the deed to it, it'd be easier to get a loan for the building.

No, no, it'd be the exact same thing. Because in both cases, if you're struggling to get a mortgage, you're going to be going to a local bank rather than a traditional mortgage company. So, of course, the other option is to, you know, buy a property to live in and rent your garage somewhere else. Well, the problem I have with that is I'm sick of renting, and I have a young son that I take care of every day. He comes to work with me now, and I'm realizing that in this post-COVID world we're going to live in that they're going to cancel school for anytime somebody gets the sniffles so i figure i'm better off being prepared to have him there every day with me right you know you understand what i mean i want to be able to work and and live in the same property so you're a single dad, no. His mother works full-time, and I take him to work with me.

So he doesn't have to go to daycare and stuff like that. So I'm a full-time dad, part-time business owner, I guess you would call me. You sound like somebody that's on the back end of a really frustrating, trying, exhausting year, and who is just fed up with the way that the politics and the schools and all that's being run, especially up there in Scranton. And I would suggest not going into a long-term debt, a 5, 10, 15, 20-year commitment financially over a current, just an exhaustion and a frustration right now.

Yeah, I agree. I don't know when schools are going to normalize, but to project that they're never going to normalize is not accurate. Right. And I don't know exactly what's going to occur, but is the entire public school system in America going to be apt to shut down with sniffles from today forward? No. Is it in some places right now?

Yes. Is it not in some places right now? Yes. I mean, we're in middle Tennessee, and it's pretty well open, and they're not freaking out. They freak out more about tornadoes than they do COVID right now. And so more likely to shut down for that. So that's to tell you that it has normalized here. I guess if you want to call the phrase normal.

If normalized is a good word, I'm not sure it is a good word. But anyway, to Dr. John's point, Jamie, I agree. I would not build a life around this current circumstance. I wouldn't build a debt and a home purchase around this current circumstance. But it sounds to me like you just don't want to rent, and you're using this as a justification, too. So I'm buying a house and renting a garage. And if a kid's got to go to work with you a couple times while you rent the garage, I'd just do that. Especially while this is a part-time business.

Yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, buy a house and have a small mortgage on it that's got a garage. I don't care. And you can get that at your local credit union or whatever. And if your wife has a full-time job and makes an income, and you have a part-time business that makes a profit that you pay taxes on properly, you are bankable for a loan in that case.

If you're trying to make zero money on this garage and show that on your taxes because you're taking everything under the table, then you need to do your taxes properly and not take it all under the table, and that will help you get the loan, by the way. But you're also supposed to be paying taxes on that money. Or you're really not making any money. You're not making a profit legitimately, in which case you're not bankable. So that's another thing.

And, oh, in which case you wouldn't need to be renting a garage either. Yeah, because then you want a garage for a cool hobby where you're building something or making something that you like, but you're not making money on it. Exactly. Alex is with us in Sioux Falls. Hey, Alex, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you. What's up? So I've kind of dug myself a pretty big hole relationship-wise and financially. I'm about

$55,000 in debt, not including my mortgage, with student loans, credit cards, and a home equity loan. And I'm kind of just stuck. I have maybe $100 to my name right now. And I just, yeah, I couldn't even afford my medication that I need for depression last week. And it's just getting to the point where I'm lost. Are you working? Yeah, I make about $39,000 a year. I actually graduate college tomorrow. Congratulations.

Congrats, man. What's your degree in? Thank you. Collision repair. So I work on cars. I work for a family business. Your family? Yeah, my family.

My grandpa started this business, and my dad owns it now, and eventually I plan to take over it. Very cool. So what's got you down relationally, man? You sound like things are heavy. I know you owe a lot of money, but what's got you down on the other side of that um well i broke uh i was engaged last september and then things took a turn for the worse and then i started dating this other gal

and things were going really good and then i got off my medication because I couldn't afford it. And I didn't want to disappoint her, so I didn't tell her about it. And that really drove a stake into that relationship. And yeah, so things just ended this last week and so things have been really tough this week how much is your medication cost i was about a hundred dollars for the bottle which lasts how long uh about a month and a half. Okay.

Tell you what, man, we want to hang with you a minute. Can you hang through this commercial break so we can talk some more? Yeah. All right, we'll be right back with you. Stick with me a minute. You've got a lot on your plate, a job, your home, your marriage, and your growing family. While you're enjoying the present, you can't help but think about your future and your finances. As you explore your options, consider Christian Healthcare Ministries, or CHM, for your health care. Their generous maternity program and budget-friendly monthly programs have been a blessing to members welcoming children into their families. Visit chministries.org

slash budget to see if it's right for you. That's chministries.org. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author and host of the podcast that is extremely popular, The Dr. John Deloney Show. So you can join him there. Be sure to jump in and do that. If you want to actually call him on that, you can do it at 844-693-3291, or you can email him at askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com.

We're coming back to Alex in Sioux Falls. Just graduated with a degree in collision repair. He works for his family business that does that. And got off his meds and lost a relationship the same week that he graduated from college. So a lot of highs and a lot of lows, a lot of sweet and sour going on. Meds cost $100 for a month and a half's worth and said he can't afford them, but he makes $39,000 a year. So that's my first question, Alex.

It sounds to me like you can afford them and didn't buy them. Why? I guess I don't know. I just don't know. I'm not very good at saving. I see my friends go out and do all this stuff all the time, and I feel like I should do it too. Yeah.

How old are you? I'm 22. Okay. How long have you been taking meds for depression? Right since I was a sophomore in high school, so right around eight years. Got it. Okay. And you know, one of the cornerstone lies of depression is that

this is always going to be this way. Right? That's what that blanket feels like, that weight. It's always going to be like this. And one of the cornerstones of depression is taking a small step step of healing from depression is another small step and another small step getting people in your life and taking that other small step and suddenly the sun starts to come out right yeah but it feels real dark and heavy right now huh yeah I'm sorry, man. So something about you prioritizing Alex enough to buy the medication that you need to get the counseling and relational help that you need.

Do you think Alex is worth taking care of? Yeah. taken care of yeah i think i need to open up more and be more open about what i'm going through because i don't like people seeing me struggle and let them know that i'm struggling and i want to be strong and just prove to people that i can do it on my own, but obviously it's not working very well. You're not alone in that, my friend. I'm having that same conversation right now. I'm still learning, still growing. My friends that are my age are still learning, still growing. That's a powerful lesson you can learn at your age, is to let people in, let them know that you're struggling and you want them to help meet your needs in some ways

and they're all going to work on something together. I'm interested in how successful you've been at completing this degree. Something made you able to cast a long vision like that and then go do all of the steps to walk out the door this week with that degree in your hand. What was it that allowed you to do that? Because that sounds like something you could attach to to me. Yeah, well, I started out going to school for business business and that was for my first two years out

of high school and i was sitting in a business class one morning and i asked i just asked myself why am i doing this i like to work with my hands i don't want to sit behind a desk the rest of my life and it's been so how long was collision school how long was collision school two years so what enabled you to complete a two-year field of study successfully touchdown spike the ball do the touchdown dance what enables you to do that because i'd like to attach that to you taking your meds i got a scholarship that no no no no alex you know i'm talking about what inside of you yeah you went to class every day and crushed it you did something you crushed this thing man i i don't know i like working with my hands was somebody up in your grill telling you you had to do it uh my family the or the family business paid half of the money so i didn't want to disappoint them by dropping out of it and not completing the degree okay that's what i'm after so what if

we said i don't want to uh what if we said i don't want to disappoint them by not taking my meds? Yeah. Because I'm going to call you on something, brother. I'm going to love you enough to call you. Can I do that? Yeah. You make $39,000 a year. You got $100.

You can't say I can't afford them. That's not true. You can say I chose to buy other stuff instead. That would be true. But you can't say i can't afford them that's not true you can say i chose to buy other stuff instead that would be true but you can afford it is that fair yeah okay and when you say i don't want to let them down whoever they happens to be i want you to start putting yourself at the top of that list yeah i want you to love Alex enough. If you live your life trying to make other people happy, that's got an expiration date on it, brother.

It's not a good way to go. You, man, listen, I've sat with kids in med school. I've sat with kids in law school who are two, three degrees down the road from you, and they did not have the courage you had two years in a business school to say, what am I doing? I want to do something that I actually love and you went you went did it i like working with my hands i'm good at it and you went and did it that's a brave prioritized alex you realize

what you did there you're a you said i'm important and i'm worth it and so what i'm what we're suggesting is we attach that same thing to your meds because you may not need meds the rest of your life but you apparently need them today, right? Yeah. And you know that the heartbreak that you're experiencing right now is not going to last forever. You know that, right? Yeah. Okay.

You're a brave guy. The only person in the room that doesn't realize how brave you are is you. And you're about to walk across the stage you're going to walk into a job that's going to have meaning attached to it because it's got your family name on the door yeah all right so you're talking to two uh guys that have enough uh have worn out enough shoe leather over the years that uh we know something about you that you don't know that when you're 32, all of this will be in distance, way in the distant in your rear view mirror. If you continue to make progress along these lines with your career, with your meds, with your getting well, and, uh, you can have a, you know, 10 years from today, this could be like the, you know, the story that's in your past i mean that's what it is that's what it should be and that's what that's what we actually see in you that in this

moment there's no energy in your voice uh that you don't see in you and so all we're saying is dude like you prioritize going to class prioritize those meds prioritize getting well prioritize getting out in the sunshine prioritize being active uh prioritize making sure you're seeing your doc and that you're talking with them and prioritize that a decade from today alex is um you know not facing these things still right that you've got a community you got a gang around you that's going to laugh with you and hold you accountable and cry with you and be heartbroken with you

and then take you out for tacos when it's over, man. Yeah. And that starts today. Yeah, that's exactly right. It starts today. And going back to your original call of making a budget for the first time

is a great tiny step into what tomorrow's going to look like. It's a tiny step towards getting control of your life. It's a tiny step towards saying, you know what? I'm a person of value. I'm going to look like it's just it's a tiny step towards getting control of your life it's a tiny step towards saying you know what i'm a person of value i'm going to learn how to do intentionality i'm going to learn some new tools about how to make relationships and it's going to start with making a budget today right yeah i'm we're going to send you a copy of the book the total money makeover we're going to show you how to do all this stuff

um and you know we're going to walk with you so you call us back if you need some more help, but let's tell the truth. The truth is you can afford it, and you need to make the purchase, just like you can afford to go to school and graduate, and you make the purchase, and then you follow through. Why? Because you're actually worth that. And then you don't make choices over your health and put you in a completely different role. Hey, brother, you call anytime.

We're here to help you. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Thank you for joining us, America. We're so glad you're with us. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Michael and Mindy are with us. Hey, guys. How are you?

Hey, we're great. Welcome. Where do you guys live? We're just north of Seattle in Everett, Washington. Very fun. And here to do a debt-free scream, how much have you paid off? $1,100,000. Oh, wow.

And how long did this take? About eight years. Goodness gracious. And your range of income during that time? Started at about $150,000 and went to $350,000-ish, depending on the year. Goodness gracious. What do you all do for a living? I sell real estate.

I'm a high school English teacher. Awesomeness. Okay. Wow. What in the world? What kind of, did you pay off your house? Yeah, we paid off our home as well as four rental properties. Wow.

Look at it, weird people. Woo-hoo. Congratulations. And we met at the break, so you're a real estate ELP, right? Yep, yep. You're one of our endorsed local providers. Excellent. I love it. Well well done well done congratulations so what in the world put you on this journey eight years ago well we um tried some other methods we learned about uh

leveraged investing so buying real estate and getting mortgages and things of that nature, which was all well and good until, well, they had a problem. And we had one particular property we called the Pasco Fiasco. And we ended up in about $60,000 of debt after two floods and somebody set it on fire. Oh, my gosh. And at that point, when the bank wouldn't loan us any money anymore, we decided we needed to try something different. Our insurance person actually said, listen, before you call us about this property again, please make sure that no walls are standing. Don't call us again other than that. You can almost feel him winking at you through the phone.

That's right. That's right. He says, don't say I said this. If it's on fire, throw gas. Oh, my gosh. Wow. But you pushed through eight years. Yep.

Long time. Yeah. I think we found you shortly after that and went through the financial peace program, and it was like, oh, okay, we got to get serious about this. We got to dig out this hole. Whoopsie-doo. So it was really. You sold that property, I assume.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that was the relief, right? There was this huge relief when that one went. Absolutely. Okay. And that got rid of a bunch of the debt? How much of the debt was that?

That wasn't very much of the debt at all. That was only about $100,000. Oh, okay. That's the only one we sold. And we had enough income. We could have sold them off and whatever to do it faster, but we had enough income and ability, and we wanted to have the rentals long-term. We figured we may as well just pay them off.

And I did the math and figured it wouldn't actually take us all that long. So we did the long haul. Wow. Eight years, though. That's real. Yeah. Just plunking along, plunking along, one at a time. They go away, and then the house goes away, or your house goes away, and then one of them goes away.

Whatever. Order. We basically debt snowballed all of our mortgages. So we paid the smallest one first, just like if it were a regular debt, and then just paid through the whole thing. Yeah. So what was it like navigating this journey, making the income you were making, yet not living the life that you would think somebody making, you know, a quarter of a million dollars should be living? For us, it's pretty normal. We're not big extravagant people.

Okay. You know, we don't need a ton of stuff. I mean, we have a lot of kids, so we have a lot of kid expenses. But other than that, I mean, we're okay to live on just the regular stuff. And four homes. Yeah. And for us, it's more long-term planning and just kind of paying stuff off and putting ourselves in a place to be able to have a ton of fun in retirement

and live like no one else. Wow. So what do you think? I mean, this is obviously a huge number, $1.1 million. We don't usually get that. I know. But it's also eight years. Yeah.

So it's quite a slog. So what is the difference in that? And just knocking off some credit card debt in one year or something? There's a lot of difference emotionally and everything else. But what do you think the secret was that enabled you to stay with it that long and plow through a number that big? I mean, I think that part of it is it became a lifestyle, right? There's a part of the beginning where it's like, this is hard. This is really hard because it's new.

It's a new kind of way of doing things. We've got to be serious about this. And now it's kind of just the way we do things. And it's just the way we expect it to be. And hopefully we're giving that to our kids to say, this is how you handle money. This is the expectation going forward. Yeah. Wow.

And we took a little bit. I mean, once we paid, because we borrowed. I mean, when we had those issues and we took out that $60,000, I mean, we borrowed against our car that had been paid off. We took out a personal loan. We borrowed from friends. I mean, I had my mom go to the bank and borrow money for me so I could pay her back because they wouldn't loan me any more money.

So we were really serious during that first time. I mean, I was putting stuff back at the grocery store, doing all the really hard stuff. After we paid off all the non-non-mortgage or the non-mortgage debt, at that point, we got a little bit looser. We would start to go on vacations and do things like that. So we could have done it faster, but we didn't want to kill ourselves. And so we gave ourselves a little bit of freedom and had some fun in the meantime. Well, you're supposed to at this stage. Rewards.

This baby step is not intense. This baby step is intentionality. Yeah. Right. And so you're supposed to at this stage. Rewards. This baby step is not intense. This baby step is intentionality. Yeah. Right. And so you're supposed to have a rhythm to it. And so very well done, you guys. How does it feel to own that much stuff completely debt-free? It feels good.

It feels real good. It's not bad, Dave. It's not bad at all. But I did buy, we bought our first one, our first investment cash. All right. And so we were super excited about that. And, you know, they rented it out. We're going to get our first check in like a month.

So we're super, super excited. It feels way better. Wished I had done that in the beginning. The way it should be, right? These things cash flow when they don't have debt on them. Right. They make money. It's nice.

I got a bunch of them. I love it. And then you can buy another one with all that money and another one with all that money. It just snowballs in the right direction then. Yep well done you guys so very proud of you who were your biggest cheerleaders probably each other yeah honestly you weren't telling a lot of people this it's a big long run not a ton there's not a lot of people that can relate when you're at a certain level um and you know things of that nature so mean, we mostly just kind of talked about it. We did our, you know, monthly meetings and, you know, things of that with our budgets

and everything else under the sun and just kind of kept going. And I'd say early on it was you. You were the cheerleader, right? You were, you know, speaking into that because we were listening and doing the program. So, we really appreciate all the things that you helped with. We're so proud of you guys. You're heroes, man. You did it.

Thank you. So well done. So very well done. Well, congratulations. And you brought the kiddos with you. What are their names and ages? So we have Christopher, who's 17. Caleb and Macy are 15.

Maya is 8, and Aria is 7. All right. Very cool. Very cool. We've got a whole choir out here. I love seven. All right. Very cool. Very cool. We got a whole choir out here. I love it. It's great, too. They look awesome.

All right. Very fun. All right, Michael and Mindy. 1.1 million paid off in eight years. We got a copy of Legacy Journey for you, because that's definitely the phase you're in, is leaving a legacy, and an extra copy of Totem when Money Makeover for you to give away and pay it forward. So thank you guys for making the trip all the way. We're so proud of you and so honored to endorse you as ELPs as well.

Thank you. So thank you guys so much. Michael and Mindy, $1.1 million paid off in eight years, $150 to $350 income. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! I love it!

You guys are amazing. So, so very proud of you. Excellent job. Way to go. That's a lot of to go that's a lot of money it's a lot of money and real estate people in particular are i mean i grew up in real estate household i'm a real estate guy i mean i've had my license since i was 18 uh we in particular don't that genre of human doesn't think much about debt they don't worry debt. And so for them to flip that switch and go, I'm getting out, that's a big deal. That's a big deal, man.

I mean, you just got to – and then they go through a huge pile of it, and they got all this property now making money. So it's going to flip. It's raining on them in the right way. It's going to flip so fast and go the other direction so quickly. It's going to be absolutely amazing. Yeah, very, very powerful. That is wonderful stuff.

I'm looking at these five smiling kids. Man. That's the legacy right there, man. Changing a family tree. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be you next time. Thank you for joining us, America. We're so glad you're with us. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Thanks for being with us.

Are you tired of feeling stuck with your money like you'll never get out of debt or save enough for the future? Well, it doesn't have to be that way. You can make progress with your money and faster than you think. But the only way to make it happen is with a budget. That's why you need a Ramsey Plus membership. You get access to the premium version of our EveryDollar budgeting app, as well as Financial Peace University. You plan out every dollar you'll need to spend or save before the month begins, and you connect

your budget to your bank so you never miss a transaction. Custom budget reports. This thing is the best budgeting app on the planet, and it's all part of Ramsey Plus. And when you budget, you get intentional with your money. You will make progress really fast, and you can start budgeting for free today to start your free trial of ramsey plus text trial to 33 789 that's trial to 33 789 thank you for joining us, America. James is with us in San Diego. Hi, James. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave and Dr. D.

How are you guys? Great, man. What's up? Hey, I had a question for you. I'm currently working in agriculture, and I'm a manager for one of the large farms in our area. And about five years ago, I started a business on the side and it's become pretty successful. And my question is, I'm looking at having a profit in my business around $200,000 at the end of the year. Um, and I'm wondering what to do with that money if I, and that's after retained earnings of around 200,000. And so, um, I'm

trying to figure out what to do with the money. If I should, I've had three options come to mind. And, um, one of those would be, uh, to pay off my house or use it to pay off my house. Another would be to open a SEP IRA. And then the last one would be maybe put in an account to say to purchase farm ground. So I just want to get your thoughts on that. Okay. Well, before I purchase farm ground, I pay off my house, and I'm assuming you're debt free other than your home? I'm debt free other than the home and the business and personally.

Other than a home and a business. What do you owe on the business? I don't owe anything on the business. The business is debt-free as well. Oh, okay. I misunderstood the way you phrased that. Okay. All right, so you're 100% debt-free, not counting your mortgage.

Good. And you have other savings, I assume. Yes. The business currently has around $200,000 in retained earnings. Yeah. And do you have a personal emergency fund of three to six months of expenses? Yes. Good.

Okay. That's what we call baby step three. You're out of debt and you have your emergency fund. Then the next thing you would do is make sure you're putting 15% of your household income away for retirement, so that might involve the SEP. The next thing is Kids College. That's Baby Step 5. I'd begin to work on that if that applies in this situation.

And then Baby Step 6 is pay off your house. So that's going to lead us pretty quickly to paying off your house. What do you owe on your home? A little bit under $300,000. Okay. So you would pay it off how, if you had $200,000 coming out of the business? Well, I mean, if it's chunked down on it, I wouldn't be able to pay it off completely. You could if you pulled $100, 100 out of retained earnings.

Well, because of being in agriculture, I don't get paid very, I get paid very sporadically. So there's a lot of times I have to cash flow out of that $200,000, maybe $100,000 a month at times, and then sometimes less than that. That's only two months then. Sometimes. Well, I mean, one month might be $100,000, but then on average it averages out to about $200,000 for six months. Okay. All right. So that's setting you up to keep the business running then.

All right. That's not free retained earnings. It's already spoken for. I got you. Okay. That makes sense. Okay, that makes sense. Well, no, yeah. Well, it's above what I normally, I don't have to touch it most of the time because of what's coming in, but if it was catastrophic, something I got, you know, something happened and I lost, you know,

it would be kind of an emergency fund for the business. I don't normally touch it. Okay. Well, I'm moving towards paying off the house as fast as I possibly can. So if you chunk it on the house, then we need to find that other $100,000 pretty quick and get that house finished off. That's my only goal here. But yeah, that's the

answer is I'm going to pay it right down the line on that. That would be the game plan. So Dave, talk to me about what's retained earnings. Savings account in business. Oh, okay to me about what's retained earnings. Savings account in business. Oh, okay. And so he's using it for an emergency fund in his case.

But obviously, it's more than just a rainy day fund. And for business, you can use it for expanding. You could use it for buying another business or buying a piece of equipment. You could use it for covering a cash flow drain, which is what he's worried about. He's worried about a situation where he continues to have to write checks but doesn't have the money to do it. And he has to have some money to do that or he'll go in debt. Is there a tax break or something for calling and retained earnings versus savings? Nope. It's just a fancy way of saying savings account.

No, I get taxed every year on it. Okay. Whatever I add to my business savings account, the IRS considers it personal money. Okay. And I get to pay taxes on it, so it is reduced by tax amount every year. Yeah, it's no fun at all. Yeah, that's the part where they love small businesses and we always laugh. You know, when you say, Congress loves small business, horse crap.

Oh, but by hanging on to some money to make sure your business continues to run, you get taxed on holding it? Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. I didn't take it home and buy something with it. I left it in here to keep it running, keep all these jobs afloat. But I get to pay taxes on it. So, yeah, that's bogus, but it's been that way always. So, no, it's not going to change.

Jessica is with us. Jessica's in Jacksonville, Florida. Hi, Jessica. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave and Dr. D. My question is, I've been feeling kind of lost after separation from husband, and I'm back in my hometown, and I just feel lost. Separation from husband. Are you divorced?

I'm having a hard time pulling the trigger on that one. We were about to sign the papers, and we even had paid the lawyer and just had the pen to the paper and just kind of said, well, let's just do the separation first kind of thing. So we're just doing that first and then probably be divorced before the end of the year. So of course you're going to feel lost because you're in this limbo now. Why did you decide to hang on for a second? Even though it sounds like you already know how the story ends.

I'm not sure. Everything was so hard to let go of. Like, you know when you got your kidney, you got the tooth that's coming out and some of them come out just real clean with no blood and then you got the tooth that's coming out. Some of them come out just real clean with no blood, and then you got the one that's just really bloody. It was just so, it's like the second one, just felt real emotional and messy,

and I don't know, just having a real hard time letting go, both of us. So why did you decide to get divorced? Just certain lifestyle choices that my husband's making kind of, and so kind of pushed me into the corner of having to do it and everything, and it's just hard to let go. So why don't know I think because yeah I feel I feel like a

like a loser like I can't do anything right like no choice I make is right I try and try to make the right choice and everything kind of

turns out wrong all the time so one of the most not everything I do make some good you know choices no I hear you one of the most devastating things when a relationship is falling apart

and someone's making choices that impacts their wife or their husband, someone cheats on somebody, someone steals or does something that starts to melt a relationship, we often mourn the loss of that relationship, but the part that goes unspoken for is that we also lose trust in ourselves i thought i was wise and how did i make this decision so jessica you're gonna feel untethered until you put a period at the end of this sentence and you can begin moving on with your life yeah and anytime you um stump your toe and you fall down and your hands get scratched uh you wonder if you know how to walk that would be a normal human reaction to lose some confidence

so you're not as dumb as you feel like you are right this second the opposite nowhere near it you're very wise this This is The Ramsey Show. Did you know you can listen to The Ramsey Show on your smart speaker? Just tell Alexa, Google Assistant, or Siri to play The Ramsey Show podcast. Check out all Ramsey Network shows on your smart speaker today.