The Ramsey Show - App - This Is a Red Flag (Hour 2)

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Live from Ramsey Solutions in Nashville, Tennessee, it's the Ramsey Show. We help people with their money, with their relationships, with their work, with just about everything. I'm John Deloney, joined by my good friend Jade Warshaw, and we're taking your calls on your money, your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your work, everything. 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Let's go out to Phoenix, Arizona. God, it's hot. Dr. Brenda. Hey, Brenda. Hello, hello. It's a pleasure to speak with you. Thank you. You too. Hey, is it a thousand degrees right now? Not yet, but it's just about there. Okay. My goodness. It's 999. Good grief. I don't know how y'all do it. All right. So what's up, Brenda? So my question essentially is how do I not feel guilty or selfish For wanting to sell my house?

Why would you feel guilty or selfish? I need more Yeah, tell us more Sorry, I just got nervous We got you So the house is mine The house is mine It's in my name

Sorry we got you so the house is mine the house is mine it's in my name sorry hey brenda take a big big deep breath as deep as you can all the way to your guts i'm gonna do it too hold it three two all right now let it out all right pull your shoulders all the way. I can hear them up by your ears. Pull them all the way down. Yeah. So the house is mine and there is seven of, we're a household of seven essentially. We have my two boys and then my boyfriend with his three boys. If I decided to sell my house, it would be because I want to pay off my debt and it would bump me into baby step four, five and six. Um, it wouldn't cause everybody to move. Um, and essentially my boyfriend would have to, you know, do his thing, but he'd have to pay more out of pocket as well for his living situation. So selling my house would really only benefit me in this picture. Why hasn't he married you yet?

You won't. Okay. How long have you been together? Three and a half years. Okay. He has How long have you been together? Three and a half years. Okay. He has forced you to take care of you. And so all you're doing is what a responsible adult would do when another adult says, I don't want to have, I want to make a commitment with you.

I want to play house and I want to have all the benefits of being with you without commitment. And he's forcing you to have to take care of you as a single mom. Right? Yes. Yes. Your instincts are right. Okay. Yeah, I mean, there's no, John, stop me at any point.

But in my mind, I'm like, there's no together. There is no us. So why do you want me to operate out of an us you've made it very clear and so that's kind of where i'm at the two kids so you said he's got three boys that are his and you've got two boys that are yours yeah you guys have any children together no listen. Listen. No. You know, this is a major red flag, and I am, you know, for me, it's a no. Brenda, there's something else going on. What is it? No, it's just, I think I just needed that validated.

And in talks that I've had, I've asked him to move out already, and he's just kind of ignored that request. So I'm just like, well, maybe I should sell my house. That's what I'm telling you. There's something else going on here. What is it? Is he safe? He's a bully. Yeah, no, no, we're safe.

We just don't, I mean, like you said, he hasn't committed, he won't commit. He's made comments that he will never put a ring on it, so I know that that's there. I just don't like the idea of moving and uprooting my children. But you don't have to uproot your family. You can call the police and have them remove somebody from your home. Yeah. We're not, it's we're not it's

not unsafe it's not an unsafe situation anybody who's he's broken up with you he won't leave that's a bully move like i'm not saying that he's like screaming at you and beating you or something but i'm saying that if i've asked a male to leave my home and he won't leave. It's because he knows and you can't make me. That's after the dot, dot, dot. I gotcha. You see what I'm saying? I have bigger muscles and you can't push me out of here. And that's what 911 is for.

Yeah. And I know that sounds ridiculous, but Jade and I do this for a living. Deal with hot-headed men that think they can push women around. Yeah. He has broken up with you. He has looked you in the eye and said,

there is no future for us, but I'm going to live here. I'm going to get what I want when I want, and you're going to pay for my sons to grow up in your house? Yeah, I think in his eyes, he hasn't broken up with me because he thinks everything's fine, even though I'm the one telling him I want him to move out. Do you see the disrespect there or just the lack of even hearing or seeing you? I definitely feel it. your gut's right okay you have two two strangers uh validating you but i if you want to sell this house and get out of debt um we'll talk you through that but i don't want you selling your house to run away from him because it's your house.

Well, I mean, financially, I should sell it as well. The mortgage and housing expenses take up 50% of my income. Okay, yes, ma'am. Sell the house. Sell it. So I just felt like if I sold it, I could pay off all my debt. What will you do, rent an apartment or rent a house? I'd probably rent a house for two years or so. Have you priced that out? Because rent is super high. Especially in Phoenix. It's right, but it's less than what I'm paying now. How much less?

I'd have, um, my mortgage is 3,400, so I can probably get a three bedroom house, I have, my mortgage is $3,400, so I can probably get a three-bedroom house, I think, for $2,500. Okay. And what's your take-home pay every month? I grow, take-home, well, I grow with $100,000, so take-home is probably $6,000, $6,500. Okay. Yeah, I want you looking at those numbers really closely. We're going to set you up with every dollar so that you can see those numbers. Cause I want you knowing exactly how much money you bring home every month. Um, and yeah, that's going to get you closer. Oh, you do? Very cool.

I have the premium version. I just don't have, I didn't have that number in front of me. Okay. No worries. No worries. Yeah. I think that renting is a good idea. I think to get you out of this cause long-term, unless you told me, yeah, I see a path, Jade, to where in a year this will be different for me financially. But if you don't see that, then yeah. How long have you lived in the house? Two and a half years. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Are you going to make any money on it? Yeah. Yeah, it should come out with about 150 000 okay great so let me confirm what your boyfriend says about you yes you're being selfish you're taking care of you and that is 100 the

position he has put you in and as a mom that is your job to take care of you and your boys. Period. Thank you so much. When you sell this house, I want you to get the best possible help and get top dollars. So I want you to go to rs.com slash agent and find one of our real estate pros to help you with this, okay? They're going to get you hooked up. Man, I got all kinds of thoughts. I'm going to keep them to myself. Keep them to yourself, John.

This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw. All right, today's question of the day comes from Shauna in Canada. Yeah, she says, I'm seeking advice on how to explain the benefits of combining our accounts to my husband. He brings in the majority of income as I'm a part-time teacher and mom. He often has to electronically transfer money to me, which I've explained feels degrading. I want us to be a team, but he refuses to budge on linking our accounts. What should I say to him? I feel as if i'm a burden i am so sorry oh gosh i'm

so sorry it shouldn't feel that way um i have things i want to say but john you say it okay i was gonna say i thought i saw a twinkle in your eye but it was rage it was mad it was anger is what you saw yeah you know first off i just want to affirm that, yeah, you're right. You should be combining accounts. And I love that you've, it sounds like you've used a great vocabulary in explaining the way this feels. You're saying, hey, this is degrading to me. I feel like I'm a burden to you. It's not just like, we should combine our money.

And you're keeping us from doing that. It doesn't sound like, it sounds like you've expressed yourself well on this. And I hate that he has disregarded your emotions. This is a case for counseling and counseling alone and i'll let john get into the rest i mean i just think anytime you look at a romantic partner and say the the thing this thing that you're doing is degrading to me yeah and they look at you and go i don't care then your relationship has fundamental foundational issues this isn't about money and in savings at you and go, I don't care. Then your relationship has fundamental foundational issues. This isn't about money and savings accounts. Oh, you're beyond that.

This is about power. And I feel like I'm just a bill that you have to pay every month. You are. You are. Well, then there's a part of me, and I don't like reading into people's situations when I don't have all the information, but I think we've done this long enough that we kind of start to know. It always, for me, there's this piece of it like, okay, but then what are

you hiding? Always. What are you hiding? Always. You know, if you don't want me to see this, if I can't have access to it, if I have to ask you, what is it that you're trying to keep me from? Or what are you spending money on that you don't want me to know about yeah right and um anytime you're in a relationship with anybody um mother daughter father son romantic work relationship if one person in that relationship feels like a burden yeah um i mean not to get too dark but that's one of the three legs of the stool when you're doing a suicide assessment. If somebody says, I feel like the world is better if I'm not here. The greatest gift I could give the people who love me is to not be here because I'm a burden, right? So I'm super sensitive to that word. And when somebody has to keep asking their husband, hey, I'm taking care of all the

kids and I'm teaching teaching we need some grocery money yeah hold on let me let me let me electronically send it over let me venmo it to you yeah man in my guts that hurts man well you know let's let's take a moment and talk about this on a grander scale because obviously shauna yeah you guys got to get into counseling. And just to be clear, like there's some very clear boundaries that need to be put in place. John, why don't you give her a couple more clues on like what these boundaries need to be and kind of like timelines? Well, I think the conversation is, hey, I've looked you in the eye, the person that I said I commit my life to till death do us part. I've told you that the eye the person that i said um i commit my life to um till death do us part i've

told you that that the way we are handling money and the way you are um choosing to treat me is degrading yeah and i've asked for a partnership here and you've said no i'm unable to communicate this any further i'm gonna go see a counselor i'm asking you to come with me because we have some fundamental communication issues he's gonna say no and he says no, then you have to have your or what. Yeah. And most couples, most people don't like to go there. The or what. Because here's what I promise you.

She knows, Shauna knows there's other things going on here. Yes. Right? This is never just about the money. This is a part of a bigger picture. The way he treats you, the way he talks to her, the way he doesn't show up, the way he says, mind your business.

This is an entire picture in this tiny little, this little, these few little sentences here. It is. And so Shauna, you have to be willing to look in the mirror and say, I'm worth not living my life under the thumb of somebody that treats me like a burden. And that means I have to be worth shining the light on all this nonsense and shining that,

turning that light on may cost you everything. It may cost you the marriage. He may say, nope, I want to flex and I want to treat you like a child more than I want to be a partner with you, more than I want to be married to you, be your husband. And maybe she turns all the lights on and he says, oh my God, I'm so sorry. And he comes to you. That's my hope, right?

I hope so. Well, let's zoom this out to reach a little bit of a broader audience because there's something you talk about, a twinkle in your eye. When I see that a couple has to electronically transfer money to and from each other, like I talk to couples all the time, John, that maybe they've just both agreed. Yeah, we don't want to share our money. We like doing our own thing. And they're Venmoing each other for rent and Venmoing each other because they went out to a nice dinner and he paid and now I have to pay my half.

That right there, nothing strikes me as more absurd than me laying in the bed with my husband at night and rolling over and say, hey, did you remember to Venmo me that 30 bucks you owe me yeah I did 18 we went to Arby's yesterday 18 bucks remember I mean nothing puts just the kibosh on romanticism quicker than saying hey you owe me 30 for my roast beef sandwich or holding holding holding the the human that y'all created together yes and holding the baby and going hey by the way i need you to vend me 30 bucks for the water bill because uh yeah or what happens it's so it's madness what happens if okay you you have the worst possible day of your life right you get fired and you come home you you know you just all the confidence is drained out of you and then on

top of all of that you have to realize how am i going to pay my wife for rent? Right. How am I going to pay my wife for rent? Hey, I got you for the next two months, but you're going to have to. Or what does it look like? Let's go a step further. He makes 200,000 a year. She makes 60,000 a year. He wants to go to Ruth's's Chris he orders a steak and she gets the side salad because she what she can't afford like how does this work right it's it's it's it's a paper mache home it's not real nothing I mean I can't imagine anything more divisive and anything else that would just put so much separation and create almost like a class system in your own home than not combining your money where your money is your heart is also and i think i think ultimately jade that's the challenge

um in the chaos that is modern day marriage um i think it's never been more important for kids i think it's never been more important for us as just individuals. The idea of marriage is becoming so, so important. Yeah. And I honestly think we don't know how to do it. No, we don't know how to do it. And I don't think we understand the depths of what that covenant and what that commitment actually means.

And I, dude, I get it that people are like, whoa, whoa, you want me to go all in? Yeah. It's like, that's the only way that works. And people go part of the way in and then they're upset that it didn't work. And of course it didn't work because the only way it works is to go all in.

And that's also the only way you get really, really hurt. And that's the other side of it, right? That is true. You got to go all in and it's hard and it's scary and we don't have a lot of models for what that looks like. But at the same time, if you have the guts to look at your wife it was tears in her eyes after she gets home from teaching and taking care of the kids and looks at

you and says um i need some grocery money and you're like well i'll see let me see if i can venmo it over to you god help you man man i god help you that's that's horrible it's all i'm gonna say all right i i say it all the time and sam's like jade why why are you telling folks this but i say it all the time i'm like listen if i ever came home like sam warshaw would never even try it number one thank god no he's a great human he's a great guy i know but if he ever said to me jade you know what you have the babies i'll take the bank account here's what would never see him again what happened i'd get a call at my house hey john i need you to help yeah help me high body and i'd help you but i liked you i like sam i'd be like i'd be like sam didn't make it i i help you but

i like sam i wouldn't like that. He would never try it. Thank God. Well, and I've never thought of it. I've never thought of what you just said, but could you imagine? I'm trying to imagine laying in bed at night, the shades are drawn and I look over and I'm expecting like, this might be the night.

And my wife says, hey, I need $48 for groceries. Can you just Venmo me real quick? And then you say, yeah, but you already owe me 14 from last week. Wait, hold on. We went to Chick-fil-A three weeks ago and you owe me 695. And we out. Light switch on. Putting on Golden Girls. Share your accounts. If you're going to share your DNA, share your accounts. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw,

888-825-5225. Selling the house, selling a house. The Ramsey Way makes home ownership a blessing instead of a burden. The Ramsey Trusted program is the only way to find an agent you can trust to keep you on track with what we teach here at Ramsey and get you the best offer on your house or find the right house for you. I know I just did it. I used a Ramsey Trusted real estate agent recently and she was amazing. We send you some of the top agents in your area who we trust. You review their stats, interview them, and decide which one you want to work with.

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It's good enough for you to check it out. All right, let's go to Los Angeles, California, the city of angels, and talk to Jesse. What's up, Jesse? Hey, John. Hi, Jade. What's up, man? I'm new to the show.

Been listening to you guys for a couple weeks now. Welcome to the cult, my man. It's awesome. I was reading the baby steps or going through them, and I realized I was in step two and four at the same time and kind of put me in a pickle with my dad. Ooh, you like so many. All right, so sit back.

We're going to give you some Kool-Aid, and we're going to drink this, and then we're going to get it squared up for you. So tell us what's going on. So I have a truck. This is where I feel like I'm the king of backwards. I bought a truck, sold my old, I had an SUV. I ended up having a little, currently I have equity on it, or I'm upside up on it. It's worth 0.16, and I'm upside up on it. It's worth,

I owe 16 and I can get 41 for it. And that's for a truck? For a truck. You owe 16,000 and you can get 4,100 for it or 41,000 for it? No, 41,000. Jesse, well played, man.

All right, man. Okay, so what's next? So my question is, should I sell it and then start tackling my debt with the net 25 that I would get out of it. Yeah. How much debt do you have? I have about $50,000. Okay, so yeah, definitely doing that deal. Let me go back to the first thing you said, where you said you're at baby step two and baby step four at the same time. That means you have debt, but you're investing.

Yes, I was investing 15% of my net every check. Yeah. If I were you, I would pause that so that you have more money to pay off the remaining $25,000 of debt that you have, and you can knock it out super quick. What's your income? I'm grossing maybe $2,500. Dude, good for you, Jesse. You're crushing it, man. What do you do for a living? I'm a procurement for a big box company or a big warehouse. Dude, good for you, man.

Congratulations. Thank you. I'm trying, but I still feel like i realized i was sick and tired of being sick and tired awesome so that's where i was like well we i'm like listening to you guys i'm like wait a minute but one thing i did hear you guys mentioned like in the previous segment you know so if it's not half of your income i believe for the truck that you owe should be okay. Yeah, so we look at your full income and it shouldn't be more than half of that. And yeah, you owe $16,000,

but that's a rule of thumb, which means there's other things that play into that. Listen, you can do what you want on this, but if the goal is to get out of debt quickly so you can start investing again, then yeah, I it yeah yeah that's definitely a goal what's that truck what's that truck do for you it doesn't do anything that's the other half it's hold on it does it does dude i've got i've got an old beat-up truck and i would love a new one you know why because it made me it it kind of makes you feel awesome, doesn't it?

Okay, yes. It does. It's kind of awesome, right? And so it gives you like, you feel a little bit cool on those Los Angeles streets when you're sitting there parked for four hours a day on the highway and you're just staring at the people below you. It kind of feels awesome.

Yeah. And so you have to be honest about what you're giving up and you're giving up that. You a great truck it's worth a whole bunch of money and you're going to give all that up for for freedom because if you don't if you're not honest about that you get rid of the truck and that haunting feeling i just gave up something that that that makes your ego feel feel good and you're going to go try to make your ego feel better in other ways. Right? So you're going to start just chasing. You're going to play whack-a-mole with it.

If you just go right through the middle of it and say, yeah, it's cool to have a rad truck. It really is. And I'm going to sell it because it's even cooler to have peace and freedom. So I'm going to buy a used Corolla and just straight roll the streets of Los Angeles, California in my Corolla. In the Corolla. And everybody's going to be like, Jesse, we know what you make. Jesse, why are you driving a Corolla. And everybody's going, Jesse, we know what you make. Jesse, why are you

driving a Corolla? And you say, because I'm free. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. You got kids? I don't. And I do have not a Corolla, but a Nissan, which is equivalent to the Corolla. Done. Is that paid for? Is the Nissan paid for?

Listen. Dude, that truck by Felicia so this weekend yeah i'm on it i've already been getting appraisals and that was like i nod and i was like i'm gonna call i'm gonna call and you guys just pushing over i'm proud of you man i'm proud of you i'm proud of you and you're talking to two people who love our lives who make good money because our boss is overly generous with us and we all drive older cars because seriously nobody cares no one cares they really don't yeah nobody cares appreciate everything you guys do you guys are awesome i appreciate you man i appreciate you congratulations dude you're about to be uh free here anytime soon man all right let's roll out to Philadelphia. We were born and raised on the playground

where we spent most of our days and talk to Brandon. Hey, Brandon, what's up? Hey, how's it going? Good, man. What's up? So I am 27 years old. I started my company and bought my home when I was 21.

I'm currently making about $250,000 a year, shooting for $300,000. I'm the only employee of my own business, but I was able to save up $150,000 and I have that sitting in a money market mutual funds collecting 4.2% interest right now. So I have about $35,000 in debt outside of my home, which I'm definitely paying that off. I was going to do that today, actually. And then I have about $125,000 that I owe on my home. Now, my question is, because my home is locked in at 3.2% interest. I'm making more interest having it sit in a money market. I also get that home as a business write-off. Does it make sense for me to pay it off? In our world, it does.

In your world, if you're very, very concerned with the math, it may not. Have you ever lived in a debt-free, a paid-off house? No. So having been on both sides of that ledger i'm gonna tell you the sole tax that you're paying you don't even know that you're paying it because here's what you can do if you pay it off and you don't like that you can go down and take a HELOC out on it and invest that money. And get the 4.2. Yeah. See what I'm saying? And I don't think you will. I think if you pay that off, you're going to go, this is awesome. No way in the world would I take out a HELOC for 150 so I can get 4.2% on it.

Because you don't know what your body is carrying around being a sole provider of the only employee at a business that you are crushing it on, but that your amygdala knows at any day if I lose two of these clients or three of these clients, they take my house from me. Yeah, that's why I live pretty frugally. I live as if my worst months, basically. So if I do lose an account or two- Take that off the table. Take it off the table. Yeah. Or they can't take your home. They can't take anything. And then you know what you're going to do?

You're going to be a lot more selective about the clients you choose, and those clients are going to make you a lot more money down the road, and you're going to serve a lot more people down the road. Yeah. Is that fair? Yes. I mean, you're talking about two percentage points, right? Basically, give or take? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Bro, I'd pay that thing off today. You right? Basically, give or take? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Bro, I'd pay that thing off today. You could be debt-free by the end of the afternoon. Instantly. I'm excited for you. Does that sound crazy? Yeah. For 27, I think it sounds good.

I think it's pretty dat gum. You can be 27 years old, paid off house, making 200 grand a year in your own business. Living his life like it's pretty dat gum. You can be 27 years old, pay it off house, make it 200 grand a year in your own business. Living his life like it's golden. You have won, my good man. Pay it off today. You're debt free today. Congratulations, man. This is your freedom dance.

This is the Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Welcome back. This is the Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshall, 888-825-5225. Let's go out to St. Louis, Missouri and talk to Jen. Hey, Jen, what's going on? Hi, I'm good, John. How are you?

Good, good, good. What's up? So I'm going to be straightforward. The question is, my boyfriend doesn't want to get married. Should I move out? How long have you been together? We've been together since the end of 2019. A little background, I'm a single mom of two. I've got a four-year-old turning five, seven-year-old turning eight. We moved in late 2020 after a year of dating and divorced from their dad, separated when my daughter

was like four months old so it was a pretty overwhelming decision to move in together you know just protective over them trying to make the right decisions but I had hoped that you know things would progress to marriage by now you know you hear Papa Dave

just listening to the show when we moved in together say you know you don't want the arguments over the mustard, and now here we are. So sensitive topic about marriage and commitment. So it's, you know, just feels hard to know what to do next. I've done this long enough that I think I'm right, but I'm also humble enough to know if I'm wrong. okay? So I want you to shoot me straight, okay? Yeah. I can tell by your voice that you know the answer, and it doesn't really matter what Jade and I say.

I think he's been pretty clear. He doesn't see a future with you, and he's going to ride the train as long as it will be, and you're terrified of being a single mom again. Yeah, I mean... Is that fair um I think it's fair he'll say like he just doesn't see any rush for it what's the push it's minus it is he's content and if I push forward I'm prioritizing that over relationship with him hold on that's that's just that's gaslight 101 because when you love somebody and they look you in the eye and say, I feel unsafe, and you love them,

you do whatever you got to do to help them feel safe. And you told them that. And then he says, you're prioritizing how you feel over how I feel. And that's not what love does. Love takes a knee and says, I got you. And you hope that that person does the same for you. But he's playing you like a fiddle. But here's the thing.

Here's the thing. You know that. Why don't you trust yourself? That is a good question. This isn't the only place he does that to you, is it? I'm not sure, but it's just... Jen, that means yes. You don't have to talk about it on the air.

I get it. I'm never going to tell somebody to move out. I'm not going to do that. You have to own that decision. But I'm telling you, if you were my sister, if you were my daughter, I would tell you to run. Okay. And by the way, that's a great way to think about it. You've got kids. What would you tell your kids to do? Yeah, I've brought that up and he kind of spins it from the other point of view

and like, well, you'd never force your son to marry someone. I'm like, well, no, but I question why this is going on. What's the opposition to being married? I'm not sure. It's hard. I mean, how do you come from a broken home or something? It would make sense to me. I had parents divorce myself, but I'm not sure other than it's a commitment and you're locked into it with someone. Is it the kids?

Let's just be honest here. Is he afraid of having to be dad? I'm not sure. I mean, obviously, he's already kind of playing that role right now and has kids of his own. They're all pretty well bonded together and everyone gets fairly well. I mean, as much as you can expect in a blended family situation. See, I don't buy that either because i know some just staggeringly amazing dads who came along and it's not just as good as you can imagine um because you can expect

no it's pretty amazing i'm thinking of my buddy barrett who stepped into a messy situation has become the most amazing father to three wonderful kids and it so i i know it can be done because i've seen it done over and over and over again but it takes somebody walking in saying come hell or high water you are my wife these are my kids and i'm all in not are you kidding me you gonna rush me geez it's been five years it's been five years half It's been five years. Half a decade. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

And here's the thing. You know all the things Jade and I are saying. You know it. What happened in your first marriage? A lot of lying and, you know, I'd question things and get told I was wrong. And eventually an affair that we worked through and then an affair that just kind of tore it apart. Okay. And who growing up told you that what you thought didn't really matter too much?

Oh, I mean, probably both parents, children, had already seen and not heard. Okay. And so I want to honor your nervous system right now. Your body has learned over the course of your entire life that what you think, what you feel, what you know to be true is probably wrong and you need to shut your mouth and be quiet about it. And I want you to hear Jade and I say you are free from that from this point forward because it's not true. Yeah. Being seen and not heard kept you safe as a kid, and it's crushing you as an adult woman, right? Yeah.

Okay. Those things that keep us safe as kids often ruin our adult relationships. And so you learn as a kid, be seen, just be quiet and be out of the way. Your kids don't deserve that in their mom. You don't deserve that day to day. And if you're with somebody that's requesting that of you, then yeah, think long and hard about the duration of that relationship. No question about it.

For sure. It's hard to see the path forward though, because you know. There's not one. He told you there's not one. He said everything's great. And by the way, from his perspective, it is. He has a place to live. He's got somebody sharing a bed with him. I mean, he's got everything. Why in the way yeah from his perspective it is he has a place to live he's got somebody sharing a bed with him i mean he's got everything why in the world would he

change his way all the time yeah and whenever you're like hey i think this he's like well that's dumb what about me and you're like yeah you're right sorry yeah he has no reason to change none and the only reason only only way he will change is if you say i'm gonna look in the mirror and believe for the first time in my life i'm worth more than this and i'm worth somebody looking at me and saying till death do do do us part i'm with you if you had to give your best guess because you know this guy and if you said hey if if we're not getting married anytime soon, I'm walking.

Is he begging you to stay or is he saying, don't let the door hit you on the way out? No, he's pretty much like, well, that's your decision. If you chose to leave, that's on you and I can't stop you. You know, somebody who really loved him

wouldn't choose to kind of walk out as the vibes they get. As the great Jay-Z once said, you need to dust your shoulders off or brush your shoulders off. Get that dirt off your shoulder yes felicia you're gone yeah he told you that yeah he said i don't if you leave i don't care i'm so hey forget him he's not on the phone with me yeah jen why i mean it's it's it's scary out there. It's financially scary.

There you go. It's hard to have two kids alone, and anytime something comes up, carry that weight on your shoulders. Yeah. Now we're getting into real talk. Yeah. The idea of being a single mom and going to a one-bedroom apartment and sharing it with two kids is terrifying, right? Yeah, for sure. What do you make? I make decent income after tax bi-weekly. I have this prepared about $2,500, but it's bi-weekly. So there's two that are a little higher than that. And their dad does actively pay child support. And what does he pay for the child support? It's 400 bi-weekly.

Okay. So you're like almost 6,000 bucks a month? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. A little more than that, I think. Okay, great. You can find a place to live for that. Yeah. I don't know, like COVID and everything, it just scares you because like employers did the furloughs and everything. So you never know what's going to come. I do. But you do know what's true right now. And what's true right now is you have somebody that doesn't respect you and doesn't care about what you think or feel.

Yeah. You know that to be true today. Yeah. Do you owe a lot of money? Are you pretty good financially right now? I had pretty good debt free last summer. No, no student loans,

no credit cards and paid off my car. So I've been working on the emergency fund, and so now it's kind of just like, am I baby step 3D or baby step 4? There you go. Well, you're doing all the right things, and I'm so proud of you. Hang on the line. I'm going to send you a copy of Building a Non-Anxious Life and Own Your Past, Change Your Future. Be my gift to you. When she does this, it's going to make a great statement to her kids about what is and is not acceptable. And that's what's really great about this. And it's scary every step of the way. Call anytime, Jen. We believe in you. We believe in you. You're worth being well. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll see you next time.