The Ramsey Show - App - This Is Why Healthy Boundaries Are Important (Hour 1)

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host, Ken Coleman, Ramsey personality, number one best-selling author and host of the Ken Coleman Show, where he helps you have a better life at work and at your career and all of those kinds of things. So we're going to talk to you about your life and your money as we always do. The phone number is 888-825-5225. Josh is with us in St. Louis, Missouri.

Hey, Josh, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave. Thank you so much for taking my call. I just want to take a second, and I appreciate all that you do. You've truly changed my life over the last few years, and I just want to take a second to say thank you. Sure. What's up? Awesome. My question is, how should I feel about a prenup? I know your stance on prenups and I know kind of, um, you know, extreme circumstances. And I believe kind of like my circumstance is kind of extreme on both ends. So a little bit about my background. I am currently 28.

I followed the baby steps through and through currently on three B I make about 300,000 a year. And, uh, that's divided up into about a hundred,000 in retirement, $100,000 for a down payment, and $25,000 to $35,000 in just a bank account, checking account for an emergency fund. So I'm getting married in June to my wonderful fiance. Um, and her family is extremely wealthy. And although I do not, and her parents and grandparents are extremely wealthy. So, uh, they are apparently I'm supposed to be signing a prenup, um, obviously before the marriage and kind of, we're going to go over that. And my question to you is, how should I feel about that as well as, um, you know, what to look for in a prenup? Like what, I don't, I don't necessarily know what questions to ask my lawyer. And just one last thing is

my income could be going from, you know, to 400, 500 plus over the next two to three years annually. So, yeah, that would be my question. Yeah. Wow. How old is your fiancée? She is, I am 28. She is 25. Does she have any money?

No. And you didn't ask her for a prenup? I have not, no. So the prenup was for the potential inheritance. The prenup was for the potential inheritance. The prenup is for the potential inheritance. I have not had a sit-down discussion. When did the prenup discussion come up? After you were engaged? It was after we were engaged, yes. But I kind of had an idea like, I mean, they are I don't know the specifics on their net worth, but they are extremely, extremely wealthy. Yeah. OK, so. All right. You know, the only way I know how to answer a question is what would I do if I woke up in your shoes? okay um so um when my children were married my net worth was in excess of 100 million dollars

already at that point um and none of them signed a prenup and we didn't and we didn't ask them to none of my son none of my in-laws signed a prenup and we didn't ask them to now i have my estate plan set up to where certain things are controlled only by ramsey blood and trusts so you can't get to them in the event of a divorce uh thing number one thing number two i just not that guy so uh i'm not worried about it um this is god's money i'm managing it i figure he can take care of it um i understand their concern uh if you were um you know if you're making 30 000 bucks a year or something uh it would be more of a concern but it's you know um it's uh frankly it's a little bothersome if I'm in your shoes.

Not enough to cancel the whole thing, but it's troubling that these people, obviously they want to protect what they built and make sure it goes to their kids. Let me ask you, here's another thing I would want to find out, and I don't know. In most states, the divorce stuff we've been involved in on the financial side and an amount of inheritance generally in the event of a divorce goes to the person that inherited the money they don't split it in most states so if you inherit your mama's house and you get a divorce you get your mama's house you don't split it with your ex in most states okay now. Now I don't know Missouri law and I'm not a lawyer. Um, but I've, I've experienced that in, you know, being called in, in the middle of divorce situations where we're helping negotiate and all that. I've experienced that to be the facts that the judge,

uh, or the statutes award that that way. So I would learn about that in Missouri. Um, number one, they may have that protection built into the law is what I'm saying. And then you've just got to decide how much you care about this issue because I don't think – and what this issue means. What does it mean to your relationship? What does it mean to the family you are marrying because you're marrying her and her family and so um you know it's really low class that this came up after you made a contract to get married they bring up oh but by the way after

you've got a contract to get married called getting engaged uh we're going to add something to the terms of the contract after you've already signed it. That's low class. I'm curious, Josh, what does your fiancée think? How does she feel about this? Is she completely in line with the parents, or does it make her feel weird? What's going on here? To be honest, I mean, she's the oldest of four daughters total, and they're, they're awesome families, super down to earth people, but they, you know, they've not, you know, never really had to work or, you know.

You're not answering my question and you're being really nice because you're a classy dude. I'm going somewhere with this. How does she feel about it? When it came up, what was her comment on this deal? She, I mean, she understands. She understands it. I mean, she, what I was getting at is she just doesn't really have, like, she doesn't know. So she's okay with it. My point is it wasn't a head tilt or a red flag or yellow flag. It was just like, oh, okay.

Is that what I'm hearing? She does what she's told. Exactly. Okay. That helps. She listens to her parents. Yeah. She listens to her parents. Yeah, she listens to her parents. Well, that makes this relationally a little bit more difficult.

You know, had she had the same feeling, the yucky feeling you had, I assume you have a yucky feeling about it? Or am I making the wrong assumption? Well, I just, like, go back to what you guys feel about prenups and that it is an extreme situation. But, like, I don't, you know. It doesn't i don't you know it doesn't feel good is there yeah it doesn't feel good like it do i need to do anything on my end what else is going to come up after you're married that they tell her what to do well the one other thing was exactly yeah the

one other thing is apparently they're so so the family is are in development so they're big into real estate and they build houses and have a lot of land another thing is apparently they're going to be building us a house and putting it in a trust to where we don't have a payment apparently this has all been decided

wait a minute this is my freaking house there's no apparently I'm involved in the decision I think this ought to be premarital counseling. I bring it up with your fiance. I'm shooting up flares now. I think the two of you need to sit down with the premarital counseling and you're getting married in June.

This family has problems with leaving and cleaving. That's right. This is the Ramsey Show. Thank you for joining us, America. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Ken Coleman, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host.

Ken, I know this about me. I really like to be in control. I think that's a fair assessment. Yeah. I know this about me, and I know this about wealth, that as you add wealth, it makes you more of what you already are. And so having some money has given me the ability to control a lot of things in my life yeah the variables i don't have cars that break down anymore because they're nice ones i used to drive crap when i was broke and i was

broke down on the side of the crappy road in the crappy car and my crappy life and i hated it i hated it because i felt out of control and desperate and freaked out and so now i drive cars that don't break because i got some money by doing the stuff we teach here and i also know that that control in that sense controlling the variables control the controllables that's a good feature but i'm also well aware that it can be a bad feature yep you've probably seen that uh I cannot recall. Oh. I cannot recall. You are so full of crap. Well, that's also a great demonstration of what you do in that situation.

Just go Congress. Act like a congressman. I cannot recall. Do nothing. Yeah, no. Yes, but in a situation like that where we've seen it, you snap back because you are healthy well what you're making is what i had to face the hardest parenting i've ever done in my life the heart because when they're little you just freaking tell them what to do and if you don't do what i say to do i'll take you out and make another one looks just like you okay so you're going to do what i say to do i'm in charge the inmates are not in charge of the asylum when they're like grown and

paying their own bills and stuff you don't get to do that anymore i heard it's a rumor so like when they leave and get married and stuff it's a problem for control people right and control people with money like me sure it's a real problem so i've had to be i've had to read like henry cloud's book boundaries it's like every weekend i have to read the whole book again yeah because otherwise i invade my grown children's boundaries because i have the money to control and tell people what to do and i'm used to people doing what i tell them to do and my grown kids don't always do what i tell them to do yeah it's just shocking it's just shocking it's called uh you know reasonable relationships and sometimes when people get money maybe the last caller situation sometimes when people get money

it makes them more of what they already are and they learn to control the variables that's how they get money which is good that's right it's a good part of control but then you try to control the variables. That's how they get money, which is good. It's a good part of control. But then you try to control your kids' lives. And we're going to give you a house, but we're really not going to give you a house. We're going to put it in a trust so we can take it back if we change our mind. And we're going to give you some money, but we're really not going to count the fact that you got married because you don't really get to count that. You just are you.

And, you know, we're going to – you could real simply in any state leave the money into a trust, and the only people who have access to the trust are blood relatives. And so the spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse, if there's a problem, you have a built-in – Yeah, that's wise. You have a built-in thing there, like the stock for the Ramsey Solutions Company. Right.

It's held in the Ramsey Family Children's Trust. Right. And the definition of that trust, one of the absolute pieces is that if they get divorced, they're not going to get the company, okay? Which is, you know, they shouldn't. That's right. Okay, they shouldn't get it. But that does away with the need for a prenup.

And so I guess I'm still controlling, but i'm not over there in their daily business telling them how to pay their bill okay so let me look as the outsider here in the scenario i don't know how that's different than what i just griped about maybe it's no it's not no it's very different i'll tell you why because what you did was you you put it in a trust and this is the ramsey family business it's a family business and it takes it off the table. What you did not do was force a signed agreement. See, this is a boundary issue. I didn't do it after the engagement. If I was going to thump one of them, it would have been when they were sitting at coffee going,

can I marry your daughter? I'm like, no. Here's the problem with the last call. This is a 25-year-old. I believe she's 25, he's 28. I believe somewhere in that range, or maybe 23, 25. Here's the deal. They should have been super wealthy the way they are and having controlled the environment, and they've set her up and all those assets. They should have already let her just grow up. And the thing is, is she's got to learn how to figure life out on

her own. And the fiance very kindly said, she's pretty much just had everything dictated to her like a menu like this is what your life is going to look like and that's not reality so i think the concern on that last call dave is less about the money i think it's more about their role in her life which is what i'm talking about i know you are but i just think it's that simple that they the money thing is the smallest piece of it. They're very, very out of control with their influence. It sounds like. It sounds like they are. My point is that I could do that.

I mean, I'm one eyelash away from being the same exact thing. I mean, I'm not that far off, really. That's right, because it could teeter to unhealthy quickly. But the truth is it's so easy to be who you is in spades when you got a few dollars. You know, you get to be who you is. Nobody bother you on that. And if who you is is telling everybody what to do, including your grown kids, then wow. And so now I told Winston when he married Rachel, she's your problem, man.

That's it. This one's got drama, man. You just better be ready. so um she's your deal man and don't don't come crying to me and they've done crying to me and don't and rachel don't you come crying to me either you talk to him he's your your hair his problem you're his problem and and let me tell you that i've done it i mean they're they're good friends we we do dinner they don't they're legit they're legit they're stand they're healthy and they're figured out if i was this young man i i would bring it up as a we can't go forward and then

i'd bring it to a therapist and i'd say babe i can't do this that's how strong a position i would take because she needs to decide what she's doing yeah and i guess the point is scary one of the things that always comes up when i'm coaching with wealthy people i was with about uh 60 of them in a room uh for a day and a half the other day. And the main concern they have is how do I keep my wealth from destroying my kids? I've worked so hard to get this, and now I don't want this wealth to destroy my children, to make them useless human beings, okay? And so my answer is don't raise useless human beings.

Raise human beings who know how to work who know how to sacrifice who know how to serve who are humble not not self-centered they're not not entitled they're not brats uh they and by the way they know how to work did i mention that and they know how to work did i mention that yeah and um by the way a simple way to get all of that joy and dignity comes from work so raise kids that that do that and then be ready for this very difficult, and I'm saying it's hard for me almost daily or weekly. It's not, I don't get a vote in their house, and it pisses me off down inside.

I can tell. I really want a vote. I really want to tell these people what to do. I feel it right here, actually. The energy is coming over this way. But I'm just saying it's a human thing. It's absolutely right. My point is the other family who are over there, they're probably great people.

I completely can resonate with their motivation. Their tactical implementation of their motivation sucks. Which I want to weigh in on that. All the things that Dave just said to raise good kids, can I tell you, it starts with just allowing them to experience hardship and pain. The data is coming out. I'm reading like crazy. I'll spare you all the data. I could nerd out on it for 20 straight minutes, but I'm telling you over and over the message is coming back. We have removed the obstacle of hardship and suffering. We, meaning Gen X, my parents, the boomers, Gen X, were all guilty of it. And I'm telling you.

Well, we wanted to make it better for our kids. I know. But to make it better is to make them tougher. And what you do with your kids, and I can speak to all three of them because I know them. They need a callus. You allowed them to experience hardship. They had to work for it. They went through stuff.

And so all of a sudden see here's the deal massive money creates massive ease and massive ease absent of hardship makes soft entitled people and that's where the money can really be dangerous in this situation i feel soft and entitled right now no you're not you're the antithesis of it completely softened you're like a human callus dave you're tough you're tough man you're tough you've been warned by failure it's good that's a compliment we'll be back with the human callus folks i'll have to explain that to him on the break pray for me on the ramsey show i might be back. We'll see. Ken Coleman, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host, number one best-selling author of The Paycheck to Purpose, meaning you can have purpose while getting your paycheck.

Hmm. There's an idea. Maria is with us in Detroit, Michigan. Hi, Maria. Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi. Hi. Thank you so much for taking my call. Sure.

What's up? So, I'm sorry. I'm so nervous. So, what happened is we have worked so hard to have basically everything we have paid off. And we had this condo that was still, we still had a loan. And the loan was kind of low interest loan. So we thought we're going to keep it for a little longer in case we need an equity loan or something. So we decided to rent it. And now we're facing where, well, before everything, we were told always to open an LLC, and we never did.

Everything is under our names, personal names, everything. this place and now we're facing a very possible lawsuit from a lawyer that just does this for leaving uh for evicting them for non-payment and have you have you evicted them yes they're gone yes great okay so here's what you do here's what you do you start interviewing attorneys and i want you to find an attorney who has one eye in the center of his forehead who slobbers and has sharp teeth and is so angry and mean that you don't even like him and i want you to hire him and turn him loose on this jack leg who's thinking he's going to jack you up for some money and i want you to go after him and turn him loose on this jack leg who's thinking he's going to jack you up for some money. And I want you to go after him and pound him to dust.

You don't sound like you're going to do that. Okay. Okay. Okay. Maria, you sound like a victim. Why don't you sound like a victor? Throw your shoulders back and let's get in a fight, girl. They're trying to take your stuff.

Yeah. And they're jack legs, okay? The freaking attorney, he's trying to get some easy money, and once he understands it's not easy, he'll go away. I've taught a couple of them a lesson in my life. I like it. I just take them all the way to dust is there any way we can protect what we have um i mean not now it should have been in an llc like you were told you didn't do it you can't buy fire insurance after the fire honey you gotta buy it before the fire.

So the way you protect it now is you hire an angry, mean, nasty attorney, and you turn him loose off his chain and let him go bite. I'm dead serious, kiddo. You think this is like a joke. This is how you do it. The way you handle a bully is you hit them in the nose hard so the problem is we tried to hire attorneys before we even were in the middle of this and they are there are no detroit attorneys in detroit yeah they are okay

what happened this you you don't have any belief in this so what happened before did you do Yeah, they are. Okay. What happened? You don't have any belief in this, so what happened before? Did you do something wrong? No. So we waited for payment. We tried to communicate. No, no, I didn't ask that. I said, did you do something legally wrong when you evicted them? Well, no, but we know.

Okay. Okay. No. What happened with the other attorneys you tried to get? What's the rest of the story? They all say we didn't need an attorney for this. Why? Because it was, the ones we tried to hire, they say it's going to go away because you have an order from the judge to evict. Okay, then what are you worried about?

Then why are you stressed out? Because they file some paperwork to, I know they're doing something because this lawyer that they hire. All right, I disagree. I think you don't know nothing about nothing on this. And I think every little thing, every time some dog barks, you run and hide in a cave. So you need to get an attorney that represents you, that knows what's going on, and you need to give them $1,000 for peace of mind, and you need to tell them to put this people in a stranglehold until they tap out.

From the beginning, we tried to give them money, and they didn't and they didn't darling are you listening to me yes okay go get an attorney you're trying to deal you're trying to make me convince me that crazy can be dealt with crazy and bullies can't be dealt with the only way you can deal with crazy and bullies is smack them and not physically darling don't go hit somebody. But I am saying get an attorney and put these people down. Put them down and shut them up. And then go, if you need to, go take the attorney's fees that it costs you from them to teach them a lesson. I'm in the middle of doing that right now myself.

Just to say, you shouldn't do this to me. It's not going to work. You picked the wrong hillbilly, right? You got to let, you got, I mean, I'm not trying to pick a fight the wrong hillbilly right you got to let you got i mean i'm not trying to pick a fight you didn't pick the fight they did but you got to finish it once it's picked because you're sitting around wringing your hands worried you're going to lose everything to some jack leg attorney that doesn't even have a thing because you don't even understand what's going on go get a lawyer and if a lawyer tells you or multiple lawyers tell you there's nothing to worry about because you've got a judge's signature, then show up at the court, throw those shoulders back and go, I got a letter from the judge.

But here's what's going on. We've got a lot of fear in this call and everybody can sue anybody. But just because they can sue you doesn't mean that they can win. So stand up to them. I think she's got a couple options here. If a lawyer won't take your case, go, I'm begging you to take my case because I'm not strong enough to stand in the courtroom and wave the judge's letter in the air. And that's what he's saying, Maria. If you can't do it yourself, then force some lawyer to go, all right, I'll take your money if you're that scared because that's where you're at.

They got nothing to worry about. You need to hire the guy on the football team to take on the bully. That's what it amounts to. And that's, you know, because this is what happens. People will sue just because they freaking get away with it. And these lawyers, some of them, they think that you're just going to settle just because you're weak. Yeah. And if you send off weak signals, then they really start thinking that.

So you got to go, uh-uh, wrong choice. You're going down. You know what it reminds me of? It's the rattling of the saber. It's that scene from Indiana Jones. I forget which movie. The guy's in the alleyway, and he's like, ah! He's waving the swords, and Indy just kind of looks at him

and then pulls the gun out. Yeah, and just shoots him. Rachel's in Austin, Texas. Hey, Rachel, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, sir. Thank you for taking my call sure what's up all right so my husband and i have about seventy five thousand dollars in our bank right now cool um we're kind of at a loss for what to do with it send it to po box in care of dave's bahama fund i'm kidding all right so have is there are you debt free not yet um we have i hate this we have one five thousand dollar student loan

and the only reason we still have it is because it's at a 2.75% interest rate, whereas our bank is at a 4.6% APY. Yeah, and that's making you rich. 2% on five grand. You can't even go to Burger King. Okay. Pay off the student loan. What else? Okay.

We have a mortgage that has, I just checked it today, $262,000 left on it at a 3.125% interest rate. Okay. And you have an emergency fund other than the $75,000? No. What's your household income? I make $108,000. He makes $85,000.

So you're making $200,000. Okay. Good for y'all. Well done. Good for you. Thank you. Okay. What we teach folks, Rachel, is a thing called the baby steps.

I'm going to send you a copy of the book, The Total Money Makeover, that outlines them in detail. Baby step one, save $1,000 as a beginner emergency fund. Two is be debt-free but the house, so pay off the student loan. Three is have an emergency fund of three to six months of expenses. Any money beyond that, we put them on four, five, and six. I want you to be putting 15% of your income away for retirement. Five is kids' college, if that applies. They may be grown and gone.

And six is pay off the house. I think you're going to pay this money down on the house after you pay off the student loan if you have that emergency fund set aside and you follow those baby steps. That's what I would do. Ken Coleman, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Ken, I'm going to be doing something I've never done before, a brand new event, Dave Ramsey's Investing Essentials. I'm going to dive deep into investing. First time ever, I'm going to go into my personal investing playbook, what I do, how I buy real estate, how I do all my other investments. And so this is not theory that someone taught you that you ought to do. It's actually what I do.

Then you can decide if you want to do it or not. But this is what I do. It's a two-night virtual event. We're going to cover one set of subject one night, another subject the next night. So it's not the same stuff over and over it's two different nights you need to be there total of four hours two hours each night may 21 and 22 it's online you can watch it from the comfort of your home investing is something you can at you guys ask me to dive deeper into all the time and there's all this garbage on these social media platforms, these people who just have an idea, an opinion, they're just trying to get your money and all that kind of stuff.

We don't actually do investing, so we're just going to teach you because we're not trying to sell you anything. Now, we are going to sell you a ticket to this, but we're not trying to sell you any investments. There's no free steak dinner, and I'm going to put you in a bad life insurance policy crap, all that thing. Y'all got those, right? Everybody gets those, right?

Now, how to maximize the 401K,k of course that's kind of a baseline and then real estate strategies and what other investing trends are out there which ones are bogus and so on tickets are 199 ramsey solutions.com slash events to get your tickets today today's question today comes from angela in maine ang says, I'm up for a promotion where I would return to a unit I worked in years ago. I've heard the team has already been talking poorly about me. What? And have actually said I should watch my back if I get the job over one of their current team members. It's been a very toxic environment in that unit for decades. My question is, it may only be a 3% to 5% raise, and I don't think I want twice the amount of work for only $55 more a month,

but I like the work in that unit and have about seven years until I retire. Do I take the job or stay put? Oh, no. If what I'm hearing and reading is absolutely true, this is a no-brainer. Why would you want to go somewhere? Do I stand neck deep in a septic tank for $55 for seven years. They're already talking bad about you and threatening you to watch your back. You're not joining a job.

You're joining a gang. No. I would say no thanks. Pass. Hard pass. Golly, Angela. It bothers me that you should have to ask yeah i mean no no no yeah i wish there was more to add but there's not i mean here's how here's how bad these people are

they already sent word to her oh yeah i mean this is these aren't just these are not passive gossips these are active gossips this is they sent word they sent a little messenger person over one of those little messenger people yeah that's kind of trying to be switzerland they're trying to be in the middle but they're really not this is because they kind of enjoy being in the middle but they kind of don't yeah and little switzerland person yeah they bring that message over and just deliver it this is the metaphorical horse head in the bed don't dare come over here it just feels like a mob shakedown and and it is a mob by the way no let me tell you what this is this is horrible leadership yeah it's not even leadership because it's not even a good force yeah yeah what they need to do is fire a

whole bunch of those people and start fresh with some good ones gross patrick's in dallas texas hey patrick welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, thanks for taking my call. Sure, what's up? Yeah, I was just wondering, I'm on beta step five, trying to go into six. Good. I'm out of debt. I'm trying to stay out of debt.

Good. We have our fully funded emergency fund, no debt other than the house. But we have major expenses that are foreseeable coming up hvac unit septic tank both our cars have over a hundred thousand miles more than my emergency fund it's not an emergency those are foreseeable emergencies are unforeseeable okay so you're not on baby step six you don't put the money on the house until you get some money set back for these things that you know are going to be done and you need to prioritize them and put a number beside each one of them and start attacking them and building a separate savings account for the septic tank a separate savings account for the car replacement a separate save

separate savings account for the hvac okay and so I should still be maxing out my 401k while doing this? You should be putting 15% of your household income in Baby Step 4 into your retirement, not maxing it out. That's what we're doing now. Is that maxing it out? That's what we're doing now. Well, I'm putting about $800 a month towards my 401k. Is that 15%?

It's a little under. Okay. You should be putting 15 15 and then you ought to look at the rest of your budget instead of paying extra on the house whatever money you squeeze out of your budget goes into the next item that you are going to fix first car replacement hvac i'm sorry treat it as debt like the snowball no just going to save for it it's just a savings account i'm gonna save money to pay out what's the first thing we're gonna do hvac car or septic probably a little septic is coming out of uh my emergency fund i'm gonna have to rebuild that but oh you're already doing rebuild emergency yeah yeah okay then the first thing you're gonna do is you got to rebuild your

emergency fund yeah well it's it's enough to where we're still at, then the first thing you're going to do is you've got to rebuild your emergency fund. Yeah, well, it's enough to where we're still at three months. The first thing you're going to do is rebuild your emergency fund. You didn't think three months was enough last time. Correct. So you need to put it where you think it needs to be. You think it needs to be at six, put it at six. Once you get that, then save up and fix the HVAC, and then save up and replace mama's car, because mama gets the good car. That's federal law. And then we save up and

we replace your old truck, right? Yes. Okay. So we have an order of attack, and we're going to put our money towards that very intentionally and very directly while doing 15% of your income into retirement. You can do all that, and you may have to work extra a little bit. You may have to sell some stuff. You may have to do some things to keep it moving. But, you know, these are very predictable items. And this normally does happen, by the way, when you get to this stage, because you've been fixing nothing and driving beaters while you got out of debt.

Way to go. That's what you're supposed to do. Now you've got to fix crap and replace the beaters once you get out of debt, and you get up to maybe such four, five, and six. This is the perfect place to do it. You did it exactly right. Way to go. Good job, Patrick.

Good job. Well done. Patrice is with us in Canada. Hi, Patrice. Welcome to The Ramsey Show. Am I pronouncing that right? Yes, it is, Patrice. How are you?

Perfect. Better than I deserve. How can I help? Good. My question is how do I attack the next few data steps of 4, 5, and 6? Because it's kind of complicated for me. And how do I sell my home and ensure everything is 50-50 between my sibling and I legally and ethically? Long story short is that I'm on out of my own paying $2,500 a month in rent, I make about a hundred K a year.

Um, 10 years ago, I had bought a home with a sibling and we had a verbal agreement, um, that my mom and the younger sister would chip in for my part of the mortgage. Um, I went through a lot of life happened, uh, between that time I got a divorce, moved back and ended up paying a little bit more. Then I moved out on my own again. And my sister volunteered to chip in more. So now I'm thinking, and she said I don't have to pay anything, but now I'm thinking that probably wasn't the best decision.

So it was long before I knew about your teaching. So I'm just wondering, right now I'm heading towards maybe steps four, five, and six. Where do you want to end up with this house in five years i would prefer to sell it but i'm thinking about my mother how old is your mother she is in her mid 70s is she broke yes okay and so she's living in your house that you own part of because you're taking care of your mother. And my younger sister lived there as well, too. And how old is your younger sister? She is 38.

And she pays the bills, like the payment? So my older sister pays half of the $1,500 mortgage, that's all that's left, per month, and basically the three of them are splitting $1,500 in the mortgage cost. Okay, so you're not paying anything out of pocket today? No. Okay, and you own this with the older sister? Yeah, correct. God, this is confusing.

Okay. Yeah. All right. So I think you talked to your older sister that says, at some point I want to be out of this deal. I want it to sell. And then you talk to your younger sister and you tell her what the timeline is. Okay. And then you figure out how you're going to take care of your mom

if that's before mom passes. It might be that we run this until mom passes and then younger sister gets out on her own and we sell the house. That would be clean. Okay. And is that ethically okay since it's kind of wishy-washy, like my sister may be paying more and then they're covering my portion and they're not paying my portion.

Well, I think you all need to get clarity. The wishy-washy is where people get pissed off for life. I haven't spoken to my brother in 10 years because he didn't do well. Yeah, that's because we all need to write it down. This is our timeline, and this is our agreement in the interim of that timeline. You three are going to pay the bill. When mom passes, we're going to sell the house, and little sister's going to go have a life. And that's probably a good plan.

Something like that. I don't care. But write it all out and everybody sign it.