The Ramsey Show - App - Today's Lesson: Stop Taking Out Loans (Hour 1)

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

Live from Nashville, Tennessee, this is The Ramsey Show. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw, and we are talking about your relationships, your money, your retirement, building wealth, the work that you do that you may or may not love. We're talking about everything. If you want to be on this show, give us a buzz at 888-825-5225. It's 888-825-5225. Let's go out to the home of Alice in Chains in the Great Sound Garden,, Seattle, Washington and talk to Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. What's up, Mike? How you doing, guys?

We're good. What's up with you? Alright, so I'll try to keep it real brief. So I make really good money out here, out in Washington, but super, super unhappy. I, with the union, got good pension, benefits and all that stuff, but super unhappy.

So is my wife. She homeschools because the schools suck out here and she wants to actually move out to Tennessee, not sure what area, but I know I'll make less money. And I'm wondering if that's the right move to make me happy, even though I'll make less money. How much is your happiness worth? You tell me, what's the dollar amount? Well, I currently make about $42 an hour out here. And so you went all the overtime, the double time, it's really good money, but I'm stuck in two hours of traffic every single day, only driving 38 miles to home. The politics suck. The schools suck. There's nothing to do out here. So dude, go back to

my original question you you give me a dollar amount dude because let's be honest like for a million dollars not i mean objectively there's not a lot i won't do but like for 20 there's a lot i won't do right so you tell me what's your number well i mean if i could make 30 bucks an hour out there i'd be happy because i know the cost of living is cheaper out there. Well, that you're probably wrong on. But listen. I don't know. I've never been out there yet.

Okay. Go ahead. No, you go, John. Bro, get on a plane and come over here. Well, actually, we are in February or March. It's too long. It's too long. Because here's why.

You've already broken up with your girlfriend that is where you live. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No, no, no, no. I'm making a metaphor, okay? Oh, oh, oh. Pretend you're dating where you live. You've already broken up with her.

She just doesn't know yet. You hate there. And there is no price to pay for a husband and a father who hates his life. Because his kids absorb that, his spouse absorbs that, and there's not a dollar amount for that. Leave. Leave. Yeah.

The question is twofold. Number one, get on a plane, get on a Southwest flight, you and your wife, and come spend a weekend in Tennessee. It will confirm what you're thinking. It's amazing here. And do some research on the interwebs on how much all of this costs. And look for jobs. You're just sitting at home stewing and stewing and stewing.

Work on the things you can actually control. And beware, because the day you land here and you sign on the dotted line and you buy a home and you start your new job, you're going to walk by your rearview mirror and realize that you came with you and so if you're a person who's just kind of miserable and kind of hates everything you're going to be kind of miserable and hate everything here if you're actually a like a guy who's oriented towards positivity you love your family you love your kids and you have some values that you want to be surrounded by and you're just in a in a sick system then yeah man you're want to be surrounded by, and you're just in a sick system,

then yeah, man, you're going to be unleashed out here. Yeah, and that's what I want because I'm truly not happy out here, but I do love the money. How'd you end up in Seattle? Where were you before Seattle and how'd you end up there? I was in Arizona and my daughter from my ex was out here. And so we moved out here because I could make better money. And I've just been stuck here because of the money. Dude, hey, did you grow up with not very much? Yeah, kind of. Tell me about how'd you grow up?

I grew up in a crappy family. I had to start, God. So I joined the military right after I graduated high school. I've just been working job to job to job making low-end money. And now that I'm making really good money, it's really hard for me to just let go of that. It's hard because you attach your worth to a dollar amount. Because since you were a little kid, that's been your ticket out. And what you've got in the meantime is a family who loves you. And you haven't internalized

it. That's worth way more than a dollar per hour amount. Very true. But I still got bills. I mean, granted, we can sell our house. And we are coming out there in February or March. That's too long. Don't make your kids... We don't have the money to do it though right now. Bro, don't make your kids have an angry, frustrated dad for six more months. I mean, it's summertime. They're able to do certain things during the summer and keep them busy. So what I'm doing is that I'm cashing out my vacation. So I'm not going to take vacation at all this year.

I'm cashing it all out, using that money to provide for the flight and the hotel. Okay, Mike, why did you call us? You already know what you're going to do. Why'd you call us? I just want to know if, you know, it's just, is it the right thing to do financially or am I putting a mental block in it to stay here to provide or go out there to be? I think your arms are wrapped around the dollar per hour amount you make like it's a Snuggie, like it's a pacifier and a blanket. That's what my wife says. That's the only thing that you look in the mirror and say, I have value and worth. And you have a wife and kids looking at you saying, we love you. And you're like, yeah, y'all shut up.

I make 42 bucks an hour. And until you cross that great divide, bro, I don't even know how much money you, I don't even know how much debt you have. We'll get to that. But none of that matters because you don't think you're worth a damn other than that dollar amount. And I can't convince you of that on a 10 minute phone call.

Oh, I know. I agree. I agree. But that's your cancer right now. And until you detach from that, you're going to live in a house where you hate driving to work. You hate the job you do.

You hate driving home from work. You hate where your wife and kids live. But God bless us, we make 42 bucks an hour. That's madness. It's insane. I know, I know. You hate driving home from work. You hate where your wife and kids live. But God bless us, we make $42 an hour. That's madness. It's insane. I know, I know. It's an illness. Yeah, I mean, plus our house needs so much work.

God, shut up with all that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I know. All right, Jade, I'm going to be less than nice, and I like Seattle, so go ahead. I know. the best scenario that we've ever had thinking nothing like this will ever come along again. And in this case, maybe it's a money or a paycheck. And I think sometimes it's like, listen, you got to, you got to, there's more where that came from. Do you know what I'm saying? Like there's more where that opportunity came from. And I'm going to just say it because I feel like it's in me to say it. Like gifts come from God, like every good and perfect gift comes from

God. So if you had this opportunity that was there before you, it's because it came from God, whether you believe in him or not. And that means there's more where that came from. And if you hold on to something so tight and don't believe that there's more where that came from, you lose track of really what the source of that is. And Seattle wasn't the opportunity. Arizona wasn't the opportunity. God provided the opportunity. Andzona wasn't the opportunity god provided the opportunity and so wherever you go there's opportunity and so i just really want to let you know that i don't know why i know usually i'm here talking about dollars and cents but that's what i feel like i'm supposed to tell you so that's what i'm going to tell you and i feel

like i'm supposed to follow that up with how you like them apples mike no i know i agree i agree you don't agree you don't agree because as soon as you get off the phone, you're going to put your last pay stub, and you're going to go, oh, $42 an hour. Aren't we beautiful? You can make it again, and you can make more. What if you made $52 an hour out here? The what now? What if you made $52?

Yo, what? What? What? What? What if you made $50 an hour out here? Oh, I would love to. It's just my job, if I were to transfer, I know my pay would be cut in half. I've already looked into it. Granted, I could do other things. Okay, listen,

listen. Here's your choice. Choose misery or choose joy. That's your choice. Choose misery or choose joy. Ta-da. That's your choice, brother. And you got a wife and kids sitting in the wings waiting on you to make the call. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show, 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney, joined by Jade Warshaw. The best way, the best way to make the most of your money is by creating and sticking to a monthly budget. I hate budgets. Well, listen, they'll save your life. Every dollar makes it simple to plan spending, track expenses, and save for what

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All right, let's roll out to Lexington, Kentucky, and talk to sweet Caroline. What's up, Caroline? Hi, close, Carolyn. Oh, my bad. So close. Not sweet, Carolyn. Not sweet. What's up, Caroline? Hi, close, Carolyn. Oh, my bad. Not sweet, Carolyn. Not sweet. What's up? We had a very bad situation last year. We had

just moved to Kentucky. My husband and I were out walking on our property with our little eight-pound puppy. Our dog was attacked like nine feet away from us by the Belgian Malinois next door. We had to deal with... Wait, hold on. us by the Belgian Malinois next door. We had to deal with... Wait, hold on.

The Belgian what? Malinois. Malinois. Is that like a big dog? I only know of Belgian waffles. Yeah, what is that? It's a police dog that the neighbor next door had. Oh, wow.

Okay, so it's a big giant dog. It's a very big dog, and he got over the fence and attacked our our pet our boy okay um four days later he died but it was nine thousand dollars in veterinarian bills yeah it's awful in fact there are no words to describe it um the neighbor The neighbor paid all but $1,500 because we felt sorry for him. So he paid all but $1,500 of the vet bill, which was good. But that was, as you can see, it was extremely expensive, as well as being the worst thing that ever happened. Now, my husband is saying that we need pet insurance in case, you know, God forbid something like that happen again. The neighbor got rid of the dog, by the way.

But we didn't know things like this could happen having moved from a condo in California. Well, the insurance is $30 per month per dog. And we lived on a fixed income now, and we're halfway. He wants to get the insurance, and I'm thinking we ought to just save up some money. How many dogs do you have? And we currently have two other puppy dogs.

Okay. And you told me, I just want to make sure I'm clear, you said out of the 9,000 of vet bills, he paid all but $1,500? Yes. Okay. Hey, I hate that you lost your pet. That really does, that sucks. I can't imagine coming home and knowing that something like that happened to my dog. So for the money side of it, here's what my brain thinks of.

This is something that happened. It was a random occasion. You went your whole life probably with pets and nothing like this ever happened. So I wouldn't let this one terrible thing happening inform how you do things going forward thinking this could happen again. And then so I would not do the insurance, but I would say, okay, what would happen if I just put $30 aside per pet each month

and just, I always had an emergency fund for my pets. What would that look like? That would be about $700 that we would have to save per year. Now, that's a great amount of savings, but we are living on a fixed income where even that, whether I spend it on saving it

or pet insurance. Well, what's the difference? I guess what I'm saying is the fixed income part doesn't matter. You're either saving the $30 or you're not. Well, the deeper question is you can't afford this. I mean, even if we said,

yeah, go get pet insurance, y'all can't afford it. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking, but he's thinking anything to avoid, to be prepared, actually, to be prepared for something happening. Do you guys have any money saved? We have about 13K in the three to six months. Okay. And do you not feel like if something you know like i said something bizarre like what took place happens something that you're completely not

expecting like a dog attacking your dog do you not feel like that what kind of falls under the umbrella of an unforeseen emergency i guess i'm just trying to figure out why what what you have in place is not enough. Well, I guess we haven't figured that that could have been used for an emergency like that. Of course that would wipe it out. It's something God forbid should happen again.

Yeah. But you're living in, you're living, you're living in a state of what ifs. And I do feel like if I think there's two things that you can have financially in place that will help you. And then I do want to turn it over to John, because I think for you, having a sinking fund that's always there for pet maintenance, whether it be their yearly checkup or things like that,

whatever you take them to the vet, having a sinking fund there for that, that's not part of your emergency fund, is a good thing probably for you guys to for you guys to have and maybe that's you just putting aside like I said 30 bucks a month or and not or and you have your emergency fund for the things that are truly emergencies that pop up and maybe you say you and your husband maybe you decide hey when it comes to pets this is what we're willing to spend and this is where the buck stops because there is something about that that you don't want to put your own well-being at risk for the risk of a pet well you know um okay here's the other it's a hard truth here's the other side of it um or the extended side i just had um one of my professors and mentors um andy young dr andy young was on my show this morning and he was just here in town. He's actually the guy that gave me the language, facts are your friends when you're

dealing with trauma. He's the guy who trained me on crisis intervention. Okay. And so under that guys, I want to walk through, like, we know that when you experience a big, nasty, messy trauma, like you experienced, it was terrifying. like you experienced. It was terrifying. It was scary. It was bloody. It was a mess. And then there's a couple days of touch and go, and then your sweet dog passed away.

Okay? We know that happened. But if we back all the way out, financially speaking, this is just facts of your friends. Underneath the trauma, what's reality? Reality is there was a $9,000 bill that the person who who was downstream no one's responsible for that kind of freak accident but he paid for it so you guys were out fifteen hundred bucks

the reality is you're not in a position where you've got an extra sixty dollars a month the reality is i've grown up with dogs my whole life jade's grown up with pet dogs everyone i know has grown up with pet dogs and i've lived in the country i've been to the city i've lived in the suburbs i've never heard of this happening like this so of course you know it's one of those things you really can't plan for who would have known well exactly but that's when that's when these what i would call very very fringe programs will swo in. It's the same as if you buy a lamp at Best Buy and they're like, you want the $9 insurance plan? It's like, no, I don't want that.

Like, so just in case it's a, just in case and you're in a, in a moment where it's things are sensitive and you still have that picture of what happened in that experience and that feeling. And so I don't ever want to feel like that again. So I'm going to make, I'm going to make purchases that don't make financial sense, that actually don't make realistic sense because the final facts are your friends is you have 13,000 bucks in the account.

God forbid something else happened that costs $9,000 and you were totally on the hook for it. You can write that check tomorrow. And so what we're telling you is I want you to begin to uncouple the feeling of what happened then that's happening in the present. That's what trauma is. It's when your body reimagines in the present, re-experiences in the present, something that happened in the past. What you went through was hell on earth. It was hard and it was scary. It probably will never, ever happen again. And we're going to grieve it.

We're going to be sad. And then we're going to go make the next right move. And the next right move is we're going to love our little dogs. I'm stunned by your neighbor. Sounds like he was, or she was horrified, paid $7,500, got rid of the dog, right? Went through a lot to do the right thing after an awful accident. So it sounds like everything in the world that could have happened

after this thing happened in your favor. It's just hard to see it because of the trauma you went through, the experience you went through. And so what we're telling you is the next right move is not just to spend, just throw money at, I want to feel like I'm doing something so that I don't feel bad again because I'm telling you, if, God forbid, this does happen again, you're going to feel bad too, and so let's don't try to mitigate our feelings of what's going to happen in the future. Let's look at data, and if insurance, life insurance, car insurance, home insurance, that's math.

We need that. This is just kind of out there on the fringe and all that's buffered by the fact that you have an emergency fund already. I think you and your husband go sit down and I want you to write this dog a letter and tell your dog how much you miss it. I know people who don't have dogs will roll in their eyes right now when I just said that. I want you all to write that dog a letter and let that dog go run and play in doggy heaven, wherever that dog happens to be right now. And then let's start looking at the math and looking at the real world

that we have right in front of us. We'll be right back. 888-825-5225. This is the Ramsey Show. Let's go out to Cleveland, Ohio and talk to Tyler. What's up, Tyler? Good afternoon.

How are you today? Outstanding, brother. What's up? Tyler? Good afternoon. How are you today? Outstanding, brother. What's up? So a bit of a predicament I'm in. I currently have four kind of high interest loans that I've been making monthly payments on with an additional loan that was sent to collections for $20,000, an unsecured loan. Recently, you negotiated with the debt collectors to get a reduced payment of $12,000, which I was fortunately able to come up with through some very caring family and selling off a few personal items.

And in my research, watching your guys' show and everything and reading online, it's usually suggested to pay off the active debt first. I'm curious what your opinion would be in this scenario. I've already got them to agree to the lower amount. Should I use that $12,000 to just pay it off and be done with it? Or should I dump that into my active loans, which would free up a significant amount of cash in my monthly budget? So to make sure I understand, you have these four loans. You were able to secure a deal on one of them? Sorry, I apologize. Five loans, one of them

is in collection, the other four are active. Okay. The one that's in collection, I was able to negotiate a deal on. Okay. Yeah, the one that's in collections, you need to clear that one up, especially since you were able to secure a deal. The only that's in collections, you need to clear that one up, especially since you were able to secure a deal. The only thing that I would tell you is make sure you get it in writing first. Don't pay the payment until you get them to either email you or snail mail you a copy of what will happen when you pay the $12,000. The balance will become zero. Make sure it's very detailed what the deal is and don don't pay the money until you get that have you asked for that so i i did already get it in writer in email from them good from the debt collector um over the phone they had specified that i asked them how it would be reported back

to the credit agencies um and stated that it would be reported as paid in full okay good however the written deal i see that it says uh if I pay the $12,000 on it before the 31st, it will be accepted as a full and final settlement of the account. Now, that doesn't sound quite like paid in full to me. I think the second one's better, full and final settlement of the account. That means it's over. The word settlement just kind of struck as this was settled for a lower amount which i don't really want on my report if i can but it was settled for a lower amount and it's going to be they're reporting it that way so that's that is the way it is

unfortunately i just want to make sure yeah two more things i want to add to that real quick you got a second yeah sure, sure. Go ahead. Do not, do not, do not, do not let them do an automatic draft or automatic withdrawal of this money. Okay. Would you, now I was thinking about doing a wire transfer. I got the information from them. Would paying through their online portal be advised or don't do that either? If I'm, I'm just telling you what I would do in my house. Okay.

I would go to my bank and I would open up a secondary account and you can open an account underneath your main account, right? Right. And I'd open an account and I would move that money into that account and I would give that number and then zero it out. Okay. Cause what I don't want them to do is have any path back to my original checking account in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Okay. The second thing is...

With... Go ahead. With that secondary account that you say to open up, zero it out, and then once they take that $12,000, close that account. I would. Should I... Because I know that automatic draft,000, close that account. I would.

Because I know that automatic draft, like pre-authorized drafts that are done through lenders and stuff like that, they can set it for an amount, and there's not really anything they can do to stop it, and it can potentially overdraft an account. Would you suggest putting on or removing the overdraft protection so they can't, say they said they'll do $12,000, but then they try to charge, you know, $15,000. No, you will use their online portal and you'll put the dollar amount in there. We're not doing a draft.

Oh, I got you. I understand. Yeah, never open the door and say you go in there and get what you said you were going to get because they're going to get more. Gotcha. The second thing is, can we learn a lesson here? Um, you stopped taking out loans. Yes. And so the, the, the downstream effect of that is who cares what's on your credit report? All your credit report is it's a register for how your relationships have been with debt. And at some point you got to decide I'm done. So I don't care what five ex girlfriends before said about you.

You're married now. Who cares? Gotcha. Understood. So I don't care what somebody is putting on my credit report. We're done dancing with debt. And so I'm going to get these other four things paid off ASAP. And then I'm going to be finished borrowing money.

So put whatever you want on there. Awesome, man. Thank you guys so much. I appreciate the advice. All right, brother. Appreciate your call, man. Let's go out to Toledo, Ohio. Holy Toledo.

And talk to Carly. Hey, Carly, what's up? Hey, how are you? Could not be better. What's up? So I was looking into investment streams because I always wanted to retire like when I was like 50 or like younger than 59, like the normal retirement rate. And so I was reaching out to like financial advisors and I came across one person

and they said to get an indexed universal life insurance where I can pull against like when I'm 50. And it like almost seems too good to be true. How old are you? I'm 21. Okay. I really love the fact that at 21, you're thinking about ways to build wealth and thinking about just, I mean, thinking about when you're 50. When I was 21, I was not thinking about the day that I would turn 50. So I really, I applaud you on that. I think that shows that you're just a mature person and you want to do

what's right with your money, which is great. I think also what you're learning here is that you have instincts. And when your instincts tell you that something's not right or too good to be true that's generally the case um and so i would agree with the way you feel yeah this is too good to be true um and i would run run run run run run run away baby from this like in the words of bruno mars so um what i would do is tell me a little bit more about your financial situation and then i can kind of craft what i think you should do. So I have a 401k and a Roth IRA that my old job used to pay into and now I'm just depositing into it now like about a hundred dollars a month it's about like up to like ten thousand dollars combined okay um and then my current job gave me a pension that I pay 10%. They pay 14% and I could touch that when I'm 55. So I was wanting something to bridge that like five year gap so I can retire

earlier. Okay. So do you have any debt? I own a house. So that's like the only debt I have. Okay. Who are you? A 21 year old with all these retirement accounts

who owns their own house, who doesn't owe any extra money? You're amazing. I love Dave Ramsey. I've been listening to him forever. So what percentage of your income total are you investing at this point? Probably less than,

probably at like 15%. About 15%. Okay. And I also want to know, do you have any other non-retirement savings? Like, do you have three to six months of expenses liquid? Yeah, I have an emergency fund and like a high yield savings account that I can hold. Listen, very good. Very good. I want to know who your parents are. This is excellent. Um, okay. Very good. So here's what I would tell you. I like what your goal is. I like that you're thinking about the fact that you need a bridge into retirement. Again, you're on the right path. The only thing is at this point, since you are investing 15% already, my next focus for you

would be to get your house paid off. Like, let's walk the baby steps in order. And then once you do that, obviously, you're building equity there, which I don't, you know, I don't know what your plans are. I mean, you're 21. At some point, you're probably going to sell that house, you'll meet somebody that you love. And you know, but that would be my next move is to start paying that debt down. And then when you're done with that, you can go to the moon, Like you can invest as much as you want. I'd probably finish up if you're not already maxing those 401ks

and those Roth IRAs and those pensions, I'd max that. Then if you can move into something just like a brokerage account, like you said, for a great bridge, just a normal brokerage account, you can invest four ways, growth, growth and income,

aggressive growth and international. You can do that in mutual funds. And that's what I would do if I were in your shoes. Dave Ramsey says get a life insurance policy. That's not like the full life insurance policy. You need term. Term life is what you need. And it's for people who depend on your income.

That's what that's the purpose of having life insurance. It's to replace income for people who depend on it. And you can find that at Zander Insurance, by the way. There we go. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. Today's question from Madison in Washington.

It's The Ramsey Show question of the day. I'll read it here, Jade. Sorry, I made that intro kind of weird. It was a little weird. I got you, though. Thank you. All right, you read it. Several years ago, my husband was accepted into an out-of-state college program. We had just had a baby, so I had to continue working to support us, even though my goal in life was to stay at home and be a stay-at-home mom to raise our kids. Last year, he failed all of the board exams, and now I'm left feeling I gave up everything for

nothing. I worked so hard to put him through school, and he didn't take it serious enough to pass. I lost time with my two kids when they were babies, and I resent that he was able to do what he wanted to do while I put him through school. How do I get over it? I love him and he is the best father to my kids, but it just eats at me. I have thoughts. What do you say, mama? You know, here's the thing. You had to have gone into this knowing that there's always more options than what you're hoping will happen.

That's my first thought. My first thought is you say, okay, of course, yes, the idea is you'll work even though you didn't really want to. It'll help pay for school. He'll go to school. The hope is that he'll pass the boards and everything will go swimmingly. But you also have to plan and mentally have a space for if that doesn't happen and I think that's probably where things started going awry is there was only one path and that was the way

and that's what's going to make it all worth it and when that didn't happen I think that was really a big blow um I want to know I wish I could ask questions because I want to know more about the he didn't take it seriously enough to pass and I want to know is there another like can you keep going yeah like this is not this is not the end of the it doesn't have to be the end of the road yeah so there's more to this story I don't know it John anytime you start keeping score in a relationship especially in a marriage it's over it's over well you got to do this so I get to do this and I get to do this It is a group decision that we all make together that someone's going to school. It's a group decision that we're going to move.

It's a group decision that I'm going to quit this job and take this new job, and that means your role at home is going to shift. And when it doesn't go your way or when it doesn't work out like we planned, then we have to be adults and plan for the next thing. We can't go back and be like, well, you said you can't live like that. Yeah. It's a choice to be miserable in the present.

Can I bring something else up? Yeah. I might be wrong. Okay. Tell me because this is your area. She said yes. Maybe she should have said no. Yeah. Said you haven't proven that you're,

like you've never been a good student. I've known you forever. You don't like school. You don't. And I've had some wild hair adventures that my wife has said, my vote is not a good idea. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. And we don't say like, no, you can't. That's not how we talk to each other. But I trust her wisdom and I powdered about it for a few days. And then I look up and she was right

so I kind of wonder then this is just me because I'm you know when you guys call in or write and I'm filtering things through what if this happened in my life I think part of the resentment could be and I'm just I'm throwing a long shot here just based on Jade it might be me really feeling like I'm mad at myself because I know I should have said no, but I said yes. And it's easier for me to be resentful of him than to be mad at my own self. That's me. All day. And it's easier to blame somebody for the choice that I made or I didn't speak up.

Or maybe this isn't a safe relationship and she felt like she couldn't speak up. That's also true. But here we are two years later three years later however many years later he failed the boards. My first question is can you go back and take him again? Can you go back and take him? Second is

we all agreed on this. Yeah. We agreed. And you don't just not take it seriously at the very end. You don't take it seriously

throughout, right? Yeah, that's a pattern. So there were some conversations that weren't said and weren't had and I think you might be into something. I will say this until I'm blue in the face in marriage especially secrets will destroy your

marriage and if you keep them they'll destroy you yeah and so if something is quote-unquote eating at you you have to have the courage to put it on the table and i want you to put it on the table madison with eye language anytime you start a conversation a hard conversation with the person to put it on the table. And I want you to put it on the table, Madison, with I language. Anytime you start a conversation, a hard conversation with the person you're married to, and you start with a finger pointing, you say, you, you didn't take this seriously.

You cost me two years of my life with my babies or whatever. He's going to wall up because he has to go to war. Now he's being attacked. If you sit down and say, I'm struggling with regret and we're struggling with resentment. I didn't speak up. And now here we are two years later, we are in the hole. We left our families, left our friends. I missed time with the babies and I'm not doing good. This whole thing's eating at me. That's an invitation. Yeah. And that's the way you got to have that conversation. But if you just sit there

and let it eat at you for things that happened in the past, you're, you are affirmatively choosing to burn your current relationship to the ground. So is a is this a point john where you know i hear you say all the time guilt over resentment like should she have felt guilty for saying no i don't want to do that i don't want to sacrifice this time with the kids and i'd rather feel guilty for quote you know air quotes not letting you do your dream than me be resentful of missing that time and it not happening speak up speak everybody's gonna speak up there's just i could go on this letter i could go on about all day because there's a lot going on here the fact that what glaringly is obvious to me that i put him through school that that hurt me i was like because he's probably thinking i missed out on x

y and z because i was in classes in school I missed out on time with my kids because I was in school day and night. Yeah. And by the way, for almost all of these type of situations, the question, how do I get over it? Starts with, I'm going to choose to move on. And you, she won't make that choice to move on. Can I highlight something else? Yeah.

She feels powerful right now. He failed. She feels powerful. And it's good. It feels good just to sit in it. I want to highlight something else. And the comments might badger me for this it's okay so whenever somebody says this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong but he's such a great father to my kids shut up shut up it makes me there's something there that

i'm like it just for me it's a little bit of a flag as to, yeah, but you're not saying anything that he is to you. Yeah. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Yeah. Just throwing that out there. Seat Council. Seat Council.

Let's go out to Fort Lauderdale and talk to Eddie. What's up, Eddie? Good afternoon, guys. Thank you for taking my call. You got it, man. What's up, Eddie? Good afternoon, guys. Thank you for taking my call. You got it, man. What's up? So I've done the Ramsey-ish. I'm planning to retire in December.

And my next egg is really good. I have $50,000 of, uh, of, uh, of credit card. Um, I'm planning to pay off at least 20,000 of it and a balance of 30,000. Um, I have 1.1 in my nest gate. Do you think his wife just to take out that 30,000 for my own case, pay it off and get rid of it. And that's it. That's my only bed. My house is paid off. It's worth close to $800. Has no more debt, no nothing. And that's it.

Hey, good job. How old are you? Yeah, I'm 60 right now. Okay, very good. I love that you've been diligent. You've paid off the house. You've got 1.1 million. Tell me a little bit more. Where'd this credit card debt come from? And are you done with credit cards? I'm done with credit cards. Are you? Doesn't sound like it. Well, I'm a very generous guy. So when I go out with my kids and all that stuff, I got a guy. So I'm that guy. I'm that guy. So lately, my wife has found me.

She said, no, you don't need to be that nice. Okay. You're about to be on a fixed income. You're about to be on a very fixed income here. So I want to make sure that you understand that part of it. Yeah, no, I know we have done the numbers me and my wife and uh and this is only my side um she has no debts whatsoever um I know what you guys teach is that it's your debt is our debt but I wanted to fight this because she's really good and I'm really horrible so So I'm like, no, honey,

I got this. Eddie, that ego's gonna drown you, brother. That is 100% male ego. Let it ride. I know. Let it ride, homie. It's gonna bury you, Eddie. Okay, if I told you you could go to the bank

and take out a loan at 30%, would you do that? Oh, hell no. Okay, that's what you you could go down to the bank and take out a loan at 30%, would you do that? Oh, hell no. Okay, that's what borrowing from your 401 is. Hey, before you make this decision, I want you to sit down and work with one of our Ramsey Trusted Advisors on this because you don't want to make this decision alone. I truly don't trust that you're ready to make this decision alone. You need somebody to look at the numbers. We'll put the information in the show notes for you to make sure you're talking with somebody who can tell you

if you're truly ready to retire, considering your numbers and your wife's numbers. Thank you so much for listening to us. This hour is in the books. We'll be back soon right here on The Ramsey Show. Thank you.