The Ramsey Show - App - We Budget but My Wife Keeps Spending Money on Other Things (Hour 1)

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Ramsey Show. Where debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, best-selling author, is my co-host today. So we will be talking about your life and all of your problems because he's good at that and we'll also talk about your money because i'm here and we're glad you're with us thanks for hanging out you're good at that well you are good at helping people with their problems i'm gonna give you that i'm gonna give you that one you're good at talking about money i am i've it's worked out for me it's working i'm hoping it's going to be a career someday

working out for you. You hang in there, Dave, and you keep working hard. It's like a hair in a biscuit. All right, open phones at 888-825-5225. You jump in, we'll talk about your life and your money. Jana is with us in Orlando. Hey, Jana, what's up? Hi, thanks for taking my call.

Sure. How can we help? I have a real estate and money question. We, with my husband's job going mostly remote, we have the opportunity to move back to Kansas City, which is our hometown from Florida, where we've been for about three years. And so moving back towards family

and we have a paid four house here and we've been without a mortgage for about three and a half years. So moving back, we feel like we have options, but we're having a hard time narrowing it down. Whether it's going to be lake or buy a few acres or even build is on the list. We can't quite decide. So we're trying to decide now if we should just buy what's on the market when it's time or give it some time and rent in the meantime so we can have um i don't know just experience the process moving to florida we i didn't even see my house

before we moved into it it was a little bit more of a quick thing and it worked out and it was great but i kind of want to enjoy the process this time but we're we're going back and forth whether that's worth it or not do we take our time and rent and spend that money that we haven't had to spend each month or go ahead and buy and deal with whatever is on the market at the time? The short answer is you can never go wrong with a lake. I agree. I agree, but they're not as easy to come by. Yeah, but anyway, well, here's the thing.

How long have you been gone? We've been gone three years. Okay, so you know the market still. You know which neighborhood is which. You kind of know, I don't want to be over there. I do want to be over there, that kind of thing. We know the county that we want to be in. We have it narrowed down to certain areas, certain lakes, certain country areas.

If you don't find the thing that you want in those areas, then it would be rent and patience until you find the thing you want. But if you find the thing you want, there's no rule that says you have to not get it. Right? Right. I hear in your voice a very kind usage of the word we. You know this place is where you're from. What's the hold up um my husband is real decisive and i'm real not yes and i think he'd

be okay yeah because i'm that way i can make a decision if i don't like it i'll just make another decision meanwhile sharon's still thinking yep yep that's kind of how we are and i kind of want i i was okay with that on the way here because I was excited to come, and all I wanted was a pool in Florida, in Kansas City. If you're going to buy as you move, it needs to go at a slow enough pace that you process it, you, not him, because we already know he can process it, but that you process it in a way that it involves enjoyment, pleasure. This is a time of your life.

You've earned the right to pay cash for property because you're moving from a paid-for property. You know the area. This should be a pleasurable, by and large, moving never is completely, but I mean it's like a root canal. But a pleasurable process for you if you feel rushed jammed pushed hustled frustrated chill just rent yeah but if you found the right thing and you had the appropriate number of hours or days to emotionally process it while you were making an offer then there's no limitation right and we we're still holding out hope that there's going to be that place that we both get excited about whether it's lake or land that we'll go this is

it my guess is you're going to rent and it's going to take a while because you're on a bit of a treasure hunt a little bit yeah so then my question is um what i mean in that kind of a situation most places like to have a year lease. And how much would we then? I mean, we could spend whatever we want, I guess, on rent, but we don't want to waste our money. So then how do you determine how much rent? You are spending money to buy patients. Right.

So how much is it worth to you? That's the question you got to ask. Maybe you want to negotiate with the landlord up front that says, hey, if we find another place and we can find you a replacement tenant, you'll agree to release us. Okay. Something like that. As a landlord, I happily will release any tenant early from a lease

if I have a replacement. Okay. Because I often can increase the rent when they leave. So I love replacements. Okay. Because I often can increase the rent when they leave. So I love replacements. Okay. Yeah. And I haven't looked into specific rentals, so maybe I need to explore that a little bit more. That's not going to happen with a corporate rental like the apartment complex that's managed out of Atlanta or some such crap, right?

But mom and pop like me that's got a house over here with a rent sign from Walmart in the front yard, they'll do all kinds of deals with them as long as it makes sense for them right so i guess we just need to decide what size of a house because it's going to go anywhere from a four bedroom for 1800 a month to a two bedroom which would be cramped with our two kids it's completely closer to 1200 the money stop the whining about the money you've got the money you're trying to create a process here that you mean you're millionaires, okay? I can feel it. I know the numbers.

I know the vibe on this. So you're there. So just enjoy. You're going to blow $15,000, $20,000 for patience to get the right property, and that's what you're going to spend on rent for a year while you just sit there and enjoy the process of finding the right property, getting the land bought. You may even extend the lease a little bit while you build the house. That's right.

So just do it at a pace. There's no, you know, one of the things money gives you is margin. It gives you wiggle room. And you've got the money to have wiggle room without forcing yourself in, you know. But when you're broke, it's always, you know, you're just pushed in the corner. And, God, I hate that feeling. Because right about the time I do that is when I do something stupid. Every time I do something stupid when that happens.

That's right. Yeah. That pressure, that I'm jammed up. I mean, I can't tell you how many times somebody said, well, the car broke down, so I bought a new car. You know, it's like, what? Why don't you just fix your freaking car? You know? Well, it broke down.

It just broke down all the time. You know, it's that it's that same thing that's going on it's that but they're you know the the hassle of fixing a 500 thing on a car when you're broke is a big freaking deal well in our house we're not broke and just a couple of days ago my wife said hey we got to fix a seat belt we still have a child seat back there we got to fix a seat belt and the first have a child seat back there. We got to fix a seatbelt. And the first words out of my mouth were, is it just time for us to get a new car? That one's been there a while.

And she said, I mean, that'd be nice. And so I started thinking through and talking. I got to be on the show with Dave. I can't do that. Well, I mean,

it's just, it's just what you said. It's like, or yeah, 300 bucks solves the seatbelt problem. And I mean, it just just how quick it was. Well, clearly we need to throw this thing in the lake and start over. Her question is a really good question.

It is, but that doesn't sound like a money issue to me. No, it's a process issue. It is a heart issue. It's a process issue. He makes decisions real fast, and he's jammed her up before. Orster Inn. I know this because I've done it to my wife for 38 years. And if this is going to be the forever house, which doesn't exist, but if this is going to be it.

There's no such thing. There's no forever house. I want to go slow. It's my dream house until your freaking dream changes. That's right. So shut up. There's no such thing. It's a house.

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Zander will guide you through the whole thing, keep it simple, and find you the best rates. That's Zander.com or 800-356-4282. Getting a cup of coffee before the show and i ran into one of our new team members who asked him how he's doing he said well better today but over the weekend his new house that he was trying to buy here got sideways because this market is so white hot that he got leapfrogged and somebody pushed him out of a deal and so he had to start again you know You know, if you've been paying attention to the real estate market this year, you've known the competition for a property is high. There's low inventory right now.

And prices are going up in a lot of markets really fast. It's hard to find a property. When inventory is low, it means there's more buyers buying than sellers selling, and that turns the pressure up. Buyers want to snag the right house, and sometimes when you're doing that, if you're not careful, you get stupid because you go, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's like a beagle chasing a rabbit, you know. Hey, hey, hey, hey, I got to get, hey, hey.

And you, like, keep upping the offer to the point that you're in the stupid zone. To win in this market, you really need a pro walking with you going, Nick, calm down nick calm down calm down our agents in our elp program our endorsed local provider program have years of industry success in any market and they can walk you through and help you navigate the weirdness of this post-covid market text the it. Text the word house to connect with an endorsed local provider. Text the word house to 33789. That's 33789. Stephen's with us. Stephen is in Columbus, Ohio. Hi, Stephen. How are you? Hi, Dave. How are you, sir? Better than I deserve. That's for sure. How can I help? Happy to hear that. I. Got a question for you.

I have a young entrepreneur daughter. We actually just recently put in a new commercial kitchen basically in our house. She started up a bakery doing ice sugar cookies, and it's just kind of taken off, kind of blown up actually. And I was curious what to do with kind of setting her up for the future, what your recommendation is for a 10-year-old to do with her money besides throw it in a savings account. So how much has she made with her sugar cookies?

It's kind of, you know, it goes month to month depending on holidays. You know, it started at 10. Yeah, just roughly. I'm going to say roughly she's right at a month. Last month was like $5.50. This month pushing $1,000. Oh, that's awesome. Wow, that's great, man.

Okay. Well, here's what I'm going to do. When I get done, I'm going to put you on hold. Kelly's going to pick up. I'm going to send you a copy of Anthony O'Neill's Teen Entrepreneur Toolbox, which is a toolbox that helps parents work with their teenagers on setting up and running a small business appropriately. Here's the main thing I want parents to remember about money and about entrepreneurship when

you're 10, 12, 14, even 16 years old. The investing in some big investment that's going to be worth $8 bazillion when you're 65 years old is some fun math to run out, and it's not a bad teaching tool. But 99% of what your 10-year-old needs to take away from this experience is the entrepreneurial skills and confidence. It's not the money. The money and the scope of her life is irrelevant because you have a young rock star on your hands and so you know like when rachel was growing up rachel cruz well you know sharon i kept looking at each other going we have to point this one at something because it's going to go off you know and that's what you're doing here right you're got you know your your children

and the bible says there are an arrow in your quiver, and so what you want is you want them to fly straight when you release the bow. And that's what this is all about. It's not about $1,000 a month because it's not $15,000 a month. It's $1,000, okay? And in the scope of this kid's life, she's going to make $100,000 a month if you keep teaching her these skills. And so I think what you need to do is make sure you lean in on the lessons.

And then I always take money with adults and children, and I divide it into three categories. We enjoy some, called spending. We give some, called generosity. And we save some. And you always, all of us, including 10-year-olds, need to be building those three muscles at all times. The problem is often with children, we only teach them one or two of the muscles. And it's not optional either.

It's freaking mandatory. Like brushing your teeth or taking your test and getting a grade and going to bed when I tell you to because I'm an old-school Papa Dave. So, you know, that kind of stuff. So this is you're going to save some, and here's why. I'm going to show you why. You're going to give some, and here's why, and I'm going to show you why, and we're going to talk about it.

And you're going to enjoy some because sometimes you have a kid that's a little tightwad, doesn't want to give or doesn't want to enjoy. Sometimes you have a little spender, and they want to spend it all. And so they got a natural bent, but also help them develop those other skills and these entrepreneurial skills and that's what i want to concentrate on here and so under the heading of savings if you want to sit down and continue a deeper education with a smart investor pro you can open up a little mutual fund if you want to and put some of the money in there. That's okay. But the moral of the story is this kid is the magic sauce, not the money. Right.

And, Dave, tell me what you think about this. While he was talking, I was thinking about myself as a parent of a 10-year-old. And my 10-year-old gets really zoned in on something for sometimes months at a time. And it takes a couple of months, and then suddenly I start reading about it. I get on board, and then I think, all right, I'll learn about dinosaurs. And then right when I start thinking about it, he's off to the next thing. It can be really easy for the parents, as you were talking about, to lose the importance of the lessons here.

And suddenly it becomes about keeping this business running right and not forgetting hey she's 10 yeah right yeah absolutely two months it might be soccer that she's this passionate about shut it down shut it down it's sugar cookies don't make your 10 year old have an roi on a professional kitchen you may not need to see this is what happens that's why i asked what real money was he said she's making a lot of money and that is a lot of money for 10 but i've also had the call here where you've got the child star that's right you know and they you know they made a hundred thousand instead of commercial and made a hundred thousand bucks right freaking diaper commercial and the three-year-old got a hundred grand you know what that's happened

i've talked to those people and if you're not careful then the parents get all invested and you're that's how how their childhood gets stolen. Because they become a product. They become a professional. Right. And they become about their achievement and how much money you're going to make. And that's why we all gripe about parents who overdo sports or gripe about parents who overdo pageants. Right. Or gripe about parents that overdo dot, dot, dot, because they're trying to live some kind of vicarious crap through their kiddo.

And he's not doing that. There's no sign of that in his call at all. None whatsoever. But that's the warning is encourage, nourish the positive things, guide them, give them some boundaries, some guardrails so that this can be a healthy thing, not a toxic thing. And hold it really loosely. Yeah.

Hold it loosely. Yeah. They don't need to be up at 2 o'clock in the morning making cookies. I mean, don't send your 10-year-old to salt mines. And he wasn't doing that. And most people really loosely. Yeah. Hold it loosely. They don't need to be up at 2 o'clock in the morning making cookies. I mean, don't send your 10-year-old to salt mines. And he wasn't doing that. And most people don't, but sometimes people go, well, the kid needs to go where the kid's going to go. No, no, they're a kid. They're 10.

You need to go, no, you're going to bed. You're going to bed. It's a sugar cookie. Shut the crap up. Go to bed. You know? I mean, that's it. You know?

And so you've got to draw the line there and back it in because, you know, adults, because if you don't, then you've got a 30-year-old with an expanded version of that. And that's, then they end up on your show. Yes. Calling in going, I'm crazy. So they've lost their ever-loving mind. And that's not how they call your show. But, I mean, it is the actual diagnosis.

Sort of. Well, but, yeah, it's so it's so easy to take what your kid's passionate about and it becomes your passion and suddenly you're driving them towards an outcome so just letting it be a kid yeah and then you get you know you can name all these stars that were stars too young right the teenage or that didn't have parents who had good boundaries no parents were just crazier than a loon. And then the kid just blew up, made a bunch of money, and as a country star, a pop star, or whatever, 14 years old, and then all you've got is expanded dysfunction later on because they never had the ability to emotionally,

relationally develop and have good, solid boundaries and process. Now, again, he's not got any of that. There was no smell of that whatsoever. Sounds like he's a dad who loves his daughter. Yeah, he's very proud of her, and he should be. She's a cool kid. That's a cool kid. I mean, that's neat. But the moral there is don't overthink it. Yeah, and don't make it in...

Put it in a savings account in local... When you look down and you go, I mean, a 10-year-old doing $1,000? That's incredible. You go, and it's easy to go, I've got to be responsible with this. You know, it's like, yeah, be responsible with the gift the kid has. That's the most important thing.

That's the most important thing. Love it. Because that kid's going to be a big deal. That's a big deal kid right there. She'll be working here someday. I love it. Running a whole area. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage.

Andrew and Rachel are with us, which can only mean one thing. They're debt-free. Congratulations. Thank you. Thanks, Dave. Where do you guys live? Clarksville. Clarksville.

Awesome. Well, welcome. Thank you. Absolutely. Welcome to Nashville. And how much debt have you two paid off 213 52 000 yes impressive how long did this take you two years 24 months exactly that's really impressive are you down a kid or something? What's your range of income during this time? Just about $125,000 combined. Okay.

What do you all do for a living? We own a small business up in Clarksville. Doing what? Auto repair. Oh, good. Okay. It's a good business. Really good business.

Very. And so $213,000 making $125,000. You sold something. We did. We sold something. We did. We sold everything. We did. All right, tell us the story. What kind of debt was this, and what happened?

We started out, we had car payments for both of us. We had an RV. Wait a minute, a car guy has a bunch of car payments? No. We did. Of course, and an RV. We did, we did. What are those three things total?

Oh. The truck was 50. The RV was 40. The other car was 30. Yeah. Okay. That's what I'm thinking. All right.

So we did keep one of the cars. We paid it off. Yeah. We do still have it. Okay. Sold the truck. Sold the RV. All right.

That's 90 grand of the 213. Yes. Yeah. All right. Now these the RV. That's 90 grand of the 213. Yes. Yeah. All right. Now these numbers are starting to get where you can eat, because I didn't see you can eat. There's no food in there. Lots of rice and beans.

Yeah, but you still own rice and beans. 90 off that 213 is helping me get there. Okay. All right. Cool. So what happened? What caused all this? Because you went bananas.

We did. We like stuff. Yep. That was our problem. Nobody nobody else does yeah um we just wanted all the things our our um our hearts desires were just in the wrong place we thought as long as we could make the payment we were all right and what broke your back what made you change uh things with the business at the end of 18 got a little tight um we always made sure our people were paid well we were the first to always take you know pay cut um we just ran out of month we still had the money you know or ran out of money before the

month while the month was still there too much month left at the end of the month. So the beginning of 19, we just hit rock bottom. And our church, right at the same time, was offering FPU. And at that point, we were within 30 days of losing our home. Whoa. Every time we heard a truck outside, we were making sure it wasn't the repo man. Whoa. So you were really buying. Yeah, we got a bad total stress yeah we we had uh we were probably a couple days from receiving any

eviction notices we were we were there man we just uh it was it was bottom wow so went through fpu um immediately started giving joyfully and sacrificially um to our church uh-huh and um you know started our budget. And we sold a lot of stuff. We went through the house, sold furniture, sold musical instruments from high school and college. And, yeah, just got rid of everything. How long did it take you to get current?

That's the crazy story. So our church actually loaned us a month's payment to get out of a bad spot within two months we were able to pay that back and catch up um we sold the truck um we after we sold the truck there was an overpayment so we got a big check in the mail um we got a payment back from i think there was some gap insurance or we got several checks that just we called it mailbox money it just it just showed up unexpectedly god sent us money in our mailbox and you couldn't find any money when you were being stupid when you got smart god started sending it yeah and uh the money just showed up and within two months we were completely current

on our mortgage wow um it took us a little longer to sell the RV. We had to put it on assignment at a lot, and that took a couple months. But, yeah, the truck went right away. So how long in that process before? Because, I mean, when you hit that, you got that kind of stuff bearing down on you. I've been there. Yeah. How long have you all been married? Almost 10 years.

10 years this year. You got that bearing down on you. You're about to kill each other. Oh, yeah. You're about to kill everything in sight yeah uh the stress level is out the out your ears it's crazy and how long before you start getting a sense of peace a sense of control from the time you started the class i started feeling it pretty quickly but i mean it it takes a while for it to be a reality yeah it was it was you could see it yeah it was probably two or three months before we kind of started feeling like okay

there's we we got this you know we yeah probably by month three we were seeing the light april may of of 19 yeah it was so how did that impact your business you said your business was struggling and then all of a sudden it feels like it turned around oh yeah our business skyrocketed um we we had become somewhat disengaged with our business our business was was somewhat running on its own without our input at times um and uh i mean we we re-engaged um we we got some some great team member i mean we had a lot of great team members. I mean, we had a lot of great team members already, but they got behind us. They saw what we were doing. They rallied around us, and we've had a record year. 2020 was a record year for us.

Go figure. Yeah. Through all this, we never slowed down. Yeah. So what did this do with your marriage where was it and where is it you want to take that one be very careful you have to tell the truth you're on the radio we have a lie detector yeah no we we had some rough times i mean it was definitely a roller coaster and there were some there were some pretty far down uh dives in that process but

um i i can't even begin to tell you how much stress is off of us um you can't believe it until you've been there yeah are you missing those high school uh instruments no because i found a little girl who's in high school who's going to grow with them the way I did. All that junk we have shoved in corners of our house we don't need anyway, man. We actually ended up selling our house through this process, too. Oh, wow. Yeah. So we came here, and we were actually sitting right here on this couch.

And a guy called in and said, should I sell my house to pay off some debt? And your answer to him was, well, do you like the house or not? And he liked his house, so you told him to keep his house. But we looked at ourselves and we're like, we hate our house. It wasn't a long-term house. You know, we had planned on living in this house for three or four years, and that was 10 years ago yeah and um we actually worked out a deal with a real estate agent to get some uh kind of some some cleaning up renovations paint carpet you know stuff like that um we ended up selling the house for 50 000 more than we thought we were

going to get for it oh and uh so we and that enters into this numbers too then yes yes wow so we took that uh we took that equity and paid. So you guys, you weren't biting around the edges on this. You ate your way right through the middle of this whole thing. Yes, absolutely. You did everything and you did it all big. Yeah. Go big or go home.

Absolutely. Wow. So impressive. Yes. Thank you. Was it worth it? Oh, absolutely. Yes.

Why didn't I do it five years before? Right? Yes. Yeah. And now we're lined up to teach an FPU class. Hi! Our coordinator says. Yay!

Are the guys in your shop watching you walk around a little bit taller, with a little bit lighter smile? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, absolutely. Because we talk about changing our family trees, but we can't ever forget that we're also changing the interactions of the people that we were with day in and day out. Yeah, absolutely. Rubbing elbows in the shop. Yeah, for sure.

Wow. Good for you guys. So proud of you. You're just so cool. I'm so glad you're teaching FPU because anything anybody's going to bring up, no whining will be allowed. You've done everything. You'll be like, shut up. Do to bring up, no whining will be allowed. You've done everything. You'll be like, shut up. Do this.

Don't be whining. Cut up your stupid cards. You will be like me, man. I had no mercy on people when they were in that class. Wow. I'm so proud of you guys. Thank you. Well done.

Well done. All right. Count it down. $213,000 paid off in two years, making $125,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. All right, count it down. $213,000 paid off in two years, making $125,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. All right, three, two, one. We're debt-free!

Woo! Yeah! I love it! And just watching their body language. Life is good. This is The Ramsey Show. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more.

Always use the magic word, the promo code Ramsey, to get the best possible deal. All right, today's question comes from Steve in Kansas. Steve asks, my wife and I discuss our budget every two weeks, but it never goes where it's supposed to go. She always finds something to spend money on, but when I want to buy something, she shuts me down. I also cashed out a mutual fund, and it had $70,000 in it from an inheritance to pay down our mortgage, but she's dragging her feet on paying it off. More of a statement than a question. Yeah.

You know, whenever I hear this, Dave, this is never about a budget for me. I always think this is about relational power, right? Either she's self-soothing with this, or he's writing this in, trying to, you know, feeling like the hero a little bit. But this is the only play she's got in this marriage, the only place she can be heard. Or I guess somebody can just be a jerk.

But whenever somebody says we talk about this stuff a lot, man, you can talk circles around things. But if you're not talking towards something, it's a waste of a conversation, right? Yeah, the illusion about communication is that it has actually happened. Right. We said a lot of words, and we parted ways. What I run into with this is kind of the nerd or free spirit thing. I'll give you a guess. I'm going to read some mail here.

Read between the lines. I'm going to guess and say Steve is the nerd. He is a detail guy. He's got the spreadsheets. He is a detailed guy. He's a detailed guy. Right. And she is the free spirit. And to Steve, when you write it down, and we all agree to it, in his mind, it was chiseled in stone by God, and he brought it back from Mount Sinai.

Right. You know, and he's like, God says this, it's in stone. This is not only a contract. You will be struck by lightning if you violate theai. Right. You know, and he's like, God says this, it's in stone. This is not only a contract. You will be struck by lightning if you violate the contract. Right. A wee bit pharisaical. Right.

A wee bit uptight. Right. Her, on the other hand, she's still functioning at a freaking eight-year-old level and just diddy-bops into life and diddy-bops out and looks at her husband's thing

and says, yeah, babe, let's do it. And then wanders off and doesn't anymore make a contract than fly to the moon. And little does she know, she just signed up with a contract with Big Boy Contract. But a budget is a – It should be. It's directional, right?

It should be a contract. Right. But it should not be an uptight contract. And what's the problem, Steve, is she does not view it the way you view it. She doesn't think she's breaking her word, and you think that she's a liar. Right. And it becomes about who's got the strength here. Yeah.

In his language, I also cashed out this mutual fund. And now I'm taking what she's going to take that power. I'm going to take this one. And, man, you are the only thing that happens here is what you've got to do is you have to raise the level of the language to communicate and go okay honey when i say this it means to me we are pinky swear spit shake we are you know cutting our little hand here putting a little blood on there we're signing an oath in blood that this is by God what we're going to do. And I want to ask her, what is it about?

If you sign this, if you say, yes, I agree to this, that's to me what you are doing. So when you don't do these things, honey, it makes me feel like you are lying. And she needs to go, whoa, I had no idea I was signing up for that trip. And then I want to ask her, why are you unwilling or unable to lock arms with this guy?

And stick to what you said you were going to do. Because she's not even in the same ballpark. She just drove off, did whatever the crap she wanted to do. But look at his answer. So they're both violating. But what it amounts to is they didn't have the same language to say this is a contract. And they don't have the same destinations where they're headed. Yeah.

But, well, they both looked at it, and they both said have the same destinations where they're headed. Yeah. But, well, they both looked at it and they both said, yeah, let's go to Florida. But he meant in the morning and she meant next year. Or she meant

it'll work out. Yeah. Or we'll get there eventually. We'll get there. And his response... I got the car packed. Why aren't you in the car? His response,

well, then I want to buy something. Yeah. No, that's just hit back. That's just childish hit back. Yeah. Yeah. There's just an overall lack of maturity if i'm this this inheritance thing is an emotional thing to him and it should be that's a valid thing if he says i'm gonna take my mama's money and put it on the

mortgage that's a big deal to me so when i put this money in the account and by the way steve why didn't you just write the freaking check? Why are you waiting on her to do it? But anyway, aside from that, it strayed into the mortgage. You know, it's like, but she's dragging her feet. Why is she dragging her feet? Just write the dadgum check. You said you were going to do it.

Or did we have a conversation about, hey, we got this inheritance. Let's talk through what we're going to do with it. We all agreed. Yeah. Right. Did we have that conversation? Yeah. Or did Steve with his math and his Excel sheets create his alt universe here?

Yep. I got to tell you, the reason I know this stuff is exactly the mistakes I made. It's because I'm the spreadsheet guy. I'm the decisive guy. And to me, by God, when you say you're going to do something, that's just like you said you were going to do it. So why aren't you doing it? I can't stand it.

Or the reverse in my house. And Sharon's like, well, I didn't really was like gonna you know sell one of the kids i mean and now you got one of the kids up for sale you know it's like well 70 000 like let's we're gonna play with five and yeah 65 000 is great right well i sort of meant it but i didn't exactly mean it you know and so we've had to go oh look okay we are completely agreeing on this date this amount this is the thing and you get a vote and i get a vote do you feel heard yes i feel heard then by god you're going to stick to your word okay i mean we've had to have these type of real clear words and our visceral words in our communication early on to get where we're locked in. Because now, I mean, to me, once you say it's on, for nerds, if it's on the spreadsheet, it's law.

It's just, that's law. And for free spirits like me, it's an approximation. Yeah, let's get there. Yeah, that's a good general concept. I like that you have a spreadsheet. We're all going to be 50 someday, right? Yeah, we're going to get there. Yeah, it's a, he made a contract and she didn't sign it actually she signed it in his

mind but she didn't know it that's my point that's what i'm saying and i think that's a great exercise for every married couple to say we've got to be in agreement we've got to be in unity and you're going to use different languages r Rachel's book, Know Yourself, Know Your Money, has got tons of stuff in there about how your spouse is viewing this conversation about money and how you're viewing the conversation about money. And it comes from all these different angles, know yourself, know your money. And it's just so powerful. Yeah. And as the free spirit, I always come back to this thing about control yeah this power this what

do you mean i can't i'm in this house and i'm in and that's me being immature that's what it comes down to i mean because the flow of money is about control but what you have to fight to do in this communication is uh relinquish half of the control like sharon and i at this moment are in this dispute over a large purchase and we talked about it before i walked out of the house this morning okay because we have a rule when when we're not both on the page we don't do it until we both get there we don't do it whether it's a large gift on you know philanthropy we're giving whether it's a major move down here at the office with a bunch of money or something like that, or whether it's a purchase, and in this case it's a purchase of something we're looking at.

But she's like, well, I think you got the money. What's wrong with you? You just need to do this. And I'm like, nope, not ready. This is not right. It doesn't feel right. It's just not the same one. So you both have a veto card.

You both can play the Trump card if you've ever played, you know, hand of cards where you can play a Trump card. I'm not talking about Donald. I'm talking about the game, okay? I'm not talking about the Joker. I'm talking about a Trump card. So, but the, you know, you both have a vote that can call it. And so what we do is it forces us to do nothing until we can find the thing that we both can agree to.

Where you align. And that means you have patience, intentionality, and a ton of grace. We value the unity more than we value the thing. How long did that take to get to? Ten years. A minute. Ten years, yeah. After going broke, you know, first thing we did was try to kill each other when we were going broke, right?

Like we're talking about with that couple on that debt-free screen. But, you know, this is vital stuff right here, y'all, because all the data points that we have in our millionaire study that Ramsey did gives you very clear guidelines that very few people become millionaires without spousal participation and spousal unity. You've got to be aligned. In spite of these communication breakdowns. You just don't do it. You do it because you force these conversations at a real healthy level. That's why Dr. John Deloney is here, because he can talk about this stuff intelligently.

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