The Ramsey Show - App - We’re Deeply in Debt but My Husband Keeps Buying Toys (Hour 3)

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

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I'm Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions in Nashville, Tennessee, this is The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your money, your life, your marriage, everything. 888-825-5225. I'm John Deloney joined here by best selling author and my brilliant friend Rachel Cruz

and we're taking your calls on everything and Rachel we got a big event tonight money and marriage Valentine's Day edition we're going to we're going to

we're going to save some marriages let's hope so John let's hope so no these this event always is fun. This is our fourth time doing it together. And,

you know, it's two subjects that I think have a lot of tension points, a lot of things to celebrate. And it's just two big issues to say, Hey, let's come together in one night, talk about it and, and really walk people through.

I think there's, you know, it's obviously it's fun and aspirational, but we'll give you some instruction on things like, Hey, start doing this tonight. Here's like some small things you can start to change in your marriage. Some small things you can start to change about your money that really will lead to big results in your life. And so that's what we want for you guys. We don't want you to live in a place where you don't have peace. And we want to be able to help you say, Hey, here are some of the best practices in these two areas.

Yeah, and so, man, we're going to be talking about sex. We're going to be talking about money. We're going to be talking about fear. We're going to be talking about goals, like how to get on the same page together. We're going to be talking about all of it, right? So we'd love to have you join us.

If you're a Ramsey Plus member, it's free. It's free. Go into Ramsey Plus and log in and it will be yours to stream. If you want to buy tickets, they're 30 bucks, not a piece, but for both of you. Go to RamseySolutions.com slash events and pick up your tickets. We will look forward to seeing you there.

It's going to be a blast. And in the last hour, we talked about pet peeves of spouses, which is great. And I want to find out who's next. right let's go to julian hartford uh and see let's ask her for hey julie hi how we doing uh hanging hanging in there are you married well uh it's going to be 23 years on the 28th of this month. Oh, congratulations. You're a perfect person to ask. What is your biggest pet peeve of your partner there?

What's your biggest pet peeve? I would say he likes to, instead of getting a floss to clean his teeth, he kind of like sucks on it. Like this weird sound that he does. Oh, no. It drives me nuts. It just drives me nuts. Hey, Julie,

talk into your phone real quick. That's so good. Weird mouth noises are usually at the top of the list. If he had to name one pet peeve of yours that you do, what would it be? Flossing too much?

Flossing too much? That's the most ridiculous pet peeve, Julie. It's like when you are at a job interview and they say, what's your biggest weakness? You say, I just care so much. I just work too hard. Well done, Julie. You floss too much.

All right. So that was our little detour. What's up? How can we help? Okay. Well, I mean, oh, God. So I graduated from Financial Peace University. I actually spoke to Rachel's dad, Dave, a few years ago,

just before COVID. So we didn't really get to graduate because COVID came into play. But, you know, I had a lot of debt, over $50,000 worth of debt and just a lot of stuff going on. Today, I can say that all the debt is paid off.

Nice, Julie. And all I owe is my mortgage, pay off my mortgage, which I'm working on it with good bell intensity. Congrats. You are using a lot of I language. Is your husband involved in this? No. Oh.

Okay. She's backing up. Reverse, reverse. It's all that flossing, Julie. If you'll quit flossing, he'll partner with you. I mean, maybe I will say entirely, not as much as I would like him to. Okay. That's hard.

So what's your question? So my question is, you know, how should I, I mean, I try to, how should I approach them? I might be doing something wrong. I, we usually, we have about, I mean, like 35 bills each month. You know, we're both entrepreneurs. I've been a little bit more stable than he is and I've just been pretty much paying all the bills and I just asked him if he can just pay at least four bills which is like help us to buy food

we have four children help us to pay you know the cell phone bill maybe some utility and just to you know maintain the houses and it's just it's just a fight with him all the time phone bill, maybe some utility, and just to maintain the houses. And it's just a fight with him all the time. I just had a shutoff notice the other day for my light because he just didn't pay it last month, and it just got a lot. So here's the thing, Julie.

Y'all have been married legally for 23 years. Yeah. But y'all are less married and more co-managers. Because the way you're talking about him is the way when I used to lead employees, they would talk to me about a co-worker. Not about their life partner, the person they pledged their, the person they said before God and their friends, I'm going to serve this person for the rest of my life and vice versa.

Everything is mine and I, and he didn't, there is never been a we in this conversation. And so often when folks get excited about FPU, they get excited about a plan, they're going to get debt free, and it's about me. And it's about how I feel. He's got to be bought into a much bigger vision. Y'all's challenges is much deeper than money. Money's the big flashing neon sign for y'all,

but y'all are living separate lives. Because I want to make sure, Julie, that I'm clear that it's not just a tactical he's not paying a bill because I want him to help with it. Underneath all of that, he's just not on board, would you say? Do you feel emotionally supported

in the money process? Not at all. I feel financially drained. So here's the difference, Julie. Here's what I'll say. Because there are couples we talk to who are on the same page with money, but one is just naturally more detailed, right? There's a personality difference there, too.

That's Winston and I. I don't pay any bills. If it was up to me to pay a bill, we would not. Our water would be shut off because I would forget. Like, I just, I'm terrible at details. So Winston takes care of it. But we're a team on it, though. Like, we know what's going on. I would forget. Like I just, I'm terrible at details. So Winston takes care of it. But we're a team on it though. Like we know what's going on.

I support him. He supports me. Like there is a team aspect, right? So the tactical side of who pays and punches the buttons to pay the bills, that could be, yeah, sure, one spouse and that's fine. But the problem here is all the underneath stuff, right? It's coming out as, yeah,

he's not choosing to help me do the tactical stuff, but really it's that emotional stuff underneath. You guys are just not a team. You're not, you're not there. And that's, that's what you want to hit on. Right. So here's where we start. Here's where we start, Julie.

Y'all go out and I want you to look him in the eye and hold his hands and tell him, I'm sorry for trying to have done this marriage all by myself. We're 23 years in, we got another 30 or 40 or 50 to go. I want us to connect and start today. And here's the vision that I would love for us to see. And I want y'all to have a vision conversation. The tactics will follow. Y'all gotta get on the same page. We'll be right back. Folks, having an ID theft protection plan has just become a necessity in today's digital world.

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All right. Find out why yourself, for yourself, why blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window covering. You'll get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. So today's question comes from Amy in South Dakota. My husband drank the Dave Ramsey Kool-Aid about 10 years ago. We worked extremely hard budgeting and paying off debt. However,

every time we get close to paying off his credit card, something comes up that he has to buy. Most recently, he bought a very expensive rifle for hunting. This purchase bothered me, but it did. But he knew he would hold it against me if i didn't let him get the gun man it was more not that this happened in either of our houses are you about ready for this though it's more than we'd spend on a family trip and he'll use it one week in a year for deer hunting with his friends. How do I let this go and get back on track? There was a lot of layers to that one for me. I was like, ah, ugh, ugh. Not that that's probably happened in your house or my house, for sure.

Here's the thing. This call, first, your husband didn't drink the Ramsey Kool-Aid. He didn't. He read it and thought it was a good idea and thought it sounded fun and was ish, right? Kind of leaned into it a little bit. At the end here, she writes, it was more than we would ever spend on a family trip. He'll use it one week in a year. So she's trying to turn this into a math problem that he should have known how expensive it was relative to our vacations, relative to it.

This is not a math problem. This is a woman who feels betrayed because her husband's acting like a child. And they agreed together on a vision, and he refuses to do it. To do it. And so this is a betrayal. So, Amy, how can you let this go and help us get back on track? In my house, this would not be something we just let go of. This would be something that we sat down and said,

not, I can't believe you bought that rifle. It would be, I can't believe you betrayed our vision that we agreed together where we were headed. And that's a totally different conversation, right? Absolutely, yep. And it's hurtful. I mean, and Amy, you lose trust in it. There's frustration there, all of it.

And I just want to know on his side, you know, ask him questions of like, you know, did you consider what was happening? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, get to know, understand deeper him and his motivations and why he's thinking the way he is. She has a line here. I knew he would hold it against me if I didn't let him get this. Listen, I'm talking to husbands here, but I'm talking to everybody.

If you and your spouse agree on a thing, and one of you has the courage when you're having a bad day, right? We all do. We all buy that thing. We're like, I fell off the wagon. If your spouse has the courage to call you out on it never be one of those morons who holds it against them you let me get my gun shut up you're on the same page that's you know who does that children elementary

school ones in fact not even middle school kids don't even act like this. Don't be like that. If somebody has the courage to say, hey, that's a $4,500 gun. That's not a part of our vision. Our vision was to be debt-free, to change our family legacy, to pay off our house. Don't do that. Say thank you for holding me accountable. And I know it hurts and it stinks and I really, really, really want that. And now's not the time. So how do people work towards that, John?

Because that's just, to me, that's maturity. Yep. That's a level of maturity of growing up and being a grown up. So someone that says, okay, that sounds great, but my knee jerk reaction is to go there. My knee jerk reaction is to be like, kind of spite.

How do you start to work through that? I wish it was more complicated and it's actually pretty simple. And the magic word is practice. The magic word is practice. The magic word is practice. We've fallen into this trap. We believe every interaction is all or nothing and it's just not.

And so decide I'm going to change my identity. I'm not going to be a husband who says, this is my money. I could buy it. I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to be a husband that serves my wife, make sure that our home is taken care of, and that we're all in partnership on this. We're co-creating this vision, and we're living it out. And when you feel yourself getting angry, when you feel yourself ready to snap, and even

if you do, you stop and you say, I'm sorry about that. You circle back and say, I acted like a fourth grader back there. I'm working hard and I'm sorry. Here's what I meant to say. Here's what I should have said. And we're going to keep practicing. And if you will practice over time, your body quits reacting like

that because it knows it doesn't help anything. Yep. It's good. And some humility too. Oh, sorry, Amy. This gets me riled up, man. Sorry, Amy. It gets me riled up. And to the person out there who says, oh yeah, that sounds cute, dude. I'm just going to go tell them

and have this conversation. Get the Money in Marriage live stream tonight. We talk about this exact thing on how to do that tonight. All right, let's go to Leslie in the LBC in Long Beach. What's up, Leslie? Hi, thank you for taking my call.

You bet. What's up? How can we help? I was calling a single mother with a three-year-old son. Hey, Leslie, can you speak directly into the phone? Speak loud and proud and bold. Yeah, so I was

calling because I'm having trouble starting. I feel like every time I start, something happens. So I feel like I can't never get past step one. So like recently I had back in 2020 co-signed a car for my son's dad. And unfortunately the first day of the year it got totaled. Someone lit it on fire.

So that kind of put me on a big liability. So that kind of backtracked me. So I just feel like something like that always kind of like prevents me from like saving, like because I'd have to take out savings and then cover like emergency costs like that. And I just have like trouble like kind of starting, I guess, advice of like what to do or I just, I don't know where to begin. Yeah. Well, Leslie, I hear it in your voice. You have a lot going on. You're a single mom of a three-year-old, which is a lot, a lot of work that you're doing. So number one, I just want to commend you for even having the courage to start this, to start something new,

because I know it can be scary and something different, and you're going at it by yourself right now. So number one, just know you can do it. Thank you. Number two, I would say on a more tactical level, I want you to, are you doing a budget? Do you know exactly where every single dollar of your paycheck is going? Yes, but I feel like even though I kind of got a raise towards the end of the year like i felt like uh how you guys say like my shovel is not enough yeah how much do you make to me even um like take home uh 2800 in a month in a. In Long Beach, which is a very expensive place to live, right?

Yes. And how much debt do you have? So in total, it's $22,000. $17,000 is my car, which that's the hard part. It's mainly that big chunk. And then it's like $1,700 in credit card. And then the rest is kind of like closed debt that, you know, it's closed off, but I still need to take care of. Yeah. Okay, so Leslie, but so for your income, yeah, I mean, it's not, you don't have a huge shovel. I mean, I think before,

I mean, after taxes, I mean, you're taking home about, you know, 25, 26,000. So I really, really want you to up that income, Leslie. And that means maybe even shifting careers. Because once you can get this income in, even look, I want you to be looking at selling that car.

$17,000 is a lot of car for you. Sell it, get a junker, and that's going to alleviate a lot right there. But getting on that budget and knowing exactly where your money's going, looking at selling the car and looking at a different career, I think is going to help a lot. On the line, we have Larry and Shannon from St. Cloud, Minnesota. And it says on my screen here, you are debt-free. Yes, we are. Congratulations, good folks. Congrats, you guys.

How much have you paid off? We paid off $123,000. Whoa. How long did that take you? Two years and seven months. Wow. What were you making? What was your income?

We started off around $140,000, and by the end of the year, it was about $175,000. Nice. What do you guys do for a living? I was working in healthcare running assisted living facilities and recently just changed to human resources. Awesome. I'm a physical plan supervisor for

one of the state of Minnesota campuses. Very cool. What was this debt? It was our house. Whoa! Paid off your house! We did. Congratulations! Yid off your house? We did. Congratulations. Y'all are official weirdos.

That's incredible. How much is this house worth? Right now, it's looking about $260, $270. Oh, amazing. How old are you guys? We just had birthdays after we paid our house off, but I was 31 when we paid it off. I was 34. Oh. Wow. Not even 35. Early 30s with a paid our house off, but I was 31 when we paid it off. I was 34. Oh.

Wow. Not even 35. Early 30s with a paid off house. Paid off house. All right, so what happened two and a half years ago that you said enough is enough, let's do this? Well, after we got married, we started looking for houses and going through the mortgage process, thinking of a 30-year mortgage and being almost 60 when I paid off a house that freaked me out. We started looking at options. I didn't even want to buy a house at that point. So I'd heard of Dave Ramsey before. I hadn't really listened to him or anything,

but I started listening to the podcast and hearing about the 15-year fixed, and that alone sounded way better than 30 years. So we then crunched the numbers and realized we could probably even pay off in five years. Once we started going, it was pretty easy, and we were paying it off pretty quickly. So we changed our goal to three years, and then two years, seven months later, we were done. Oh, my gosh. Here's what I love about it.

It's like you just did it. You know, there's a lot of people like, oh, but we have this, we have this, we're going to do it. You guys just were like, we're going love about it. It's like you just did it. You know, there's a lot of people like, oh, but we have this, we have this. You guys just were like, we're going to do it. Like, we're just going to do it. I mean, and that's pretty intense. Like, we even tell people, you can kind of let your foot off the gas

on baby steps four, five, and six. But man, y'all just, y'all did it. I mean, y'all threw so much money at this mortgage. That's incredible. Yeah. I'm just looking at the math here. Y'all basically lived on half of your income for a couple of years, right? Yeah, we did. We pretty much lived off of hers and took, well, yeah, lived off of hers and threw mine at the house pretty

much. That's so great. Amazing. So how'd you find out about this weird group of people that does all this? Well, I don't know. My family had listened to, I mean, had talked about Dave Ramsey forever. And once we started dating, Larry had some debt, I didn't. And we kind of talked about that. And I just said, like, I don't want to really marry into a lot of debt or anything. So then he bought the total money makeover and started reading that right away and paying off his debt. And then we kind of didn't really, I didn't really listen to

it or anything after that. But then once we started doing the house, I think we really started listening to the podcast a lot more and going back to what he learned in the book and everything. That's amazing. That's so good. So what did you guys do to get out of debt? I see here you got quite a bit of big raise. You got $35,000 raise over the course of two and a half years. What were you all doing? Were you hustling, side hustling, cutting? What was going on there? It was just raises at work and then bonuses.

And then with COVID hitting, actually, you know, working in health care, we got, you know, like hazard pay, COVID pay kind of a thing. So we actually got paid more for working during COVID. And then we also couldn't really go on the vacations that we usually would go on and everything. So it was kind of, COVID happened at a right time for us to not be able to do anything. Yes. I've heard that a lot from a lot of people. They're like, I canceled all my plans, so I saved all my money.

That's amazing. So what was the hardest part for you guys? Because you guys are, you know, you're in your early 30s. People are just living their lives. But you guys buckled down and paid off your house. So, like, what was hard about that? Because that's tough. You lived on half your income.

Yeah, reducing spending by putting some things on the back burner, such as since we bought our house, we didn't have air conditioning. And, you know, having people over in in the summertime it gets really hot and humid and so you go take trips you know to river some go swimming instead of using the air conditioning so great restoring classic car i've had for 18 years and also we put off remodeling our kitchen too so yeah hey man linoleum's not as bad as a house payment so good for you guys well now you don't have a house payment you can throw it all that's right kitchen remodel you got money so who thought you were crazy what's that y'all had to have people in

your lives that just thought y'all were bonkers yeah yeah i have friends that tell me that yeah yeah there's a lot of geniuses walking around college campuses. I used to be one of them. I have all kinds of opinions and ideas, and here you were just slowly grinding away in the shadows, right? Yeah. Very much, yeah. And you're around a lot of fancy doctors who have it all figured out, and here you were just grinding and grinding and grinding, getting this taken care of.

So who were your biggest cheerleaders? Well, for me, I would say the biggest one was my wife because like she said, she didn't want to have any debt. So she was cheering more than, more than harder than anyone. Yeah. And I think my parents, they knew we were, you know, paying it off and kind of, kind of, you know, kept cheering us on throughout the, throughout the process. That's awesome. You guys, how does it feel to not have a house payment? It feels good. That was my first loan and last loan

that I will ever take part in. It feels good to be done. So if somebody came and just ran into you out there in the frozen tundra of St. Cloud and said, what's the key to getting out of debt? What's the one thing you would tell them? For me, I would say that you have to want it. I guess money is freedom, freedom to leave a job you don't like,

freedom to retire early, and you have to want your freedom more than you want a bunch of stuff that you don't even need. That's good. That's a good word. For me, I said discipline, having an end goal, and having the mindset that nothing's going to stop us from doing it. So have you had that paycheck deposit or two paychecks deposit and there's no mortgage? Has that happened yet? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. How does that feel? We haven't paid off for a while. Yeah. It feels good. Our bank account just keeps rising instead of staying stagnant with us paying off the house every month. Yeah. Oh, that's so incredible.

So what are y'all going to do now? You don't owe anybody anything. What are you going to do now? We're going to do our kitchen remodel. We're going to fix up his car. We're going to go back on vacations and do whatever we want. Yeah, I love that line. We're going to do whatever we want.

Well, Larry and Shannon, we have a copy of The Legacy Journey for you. We also have a copy of Baby Steps Millionaires because that is y'all's next step. There's no stopping this couple. We're also going to send you a copy of The Total Money Makeover, and we want you to give that to somebody that is in your life that you know they just need a gentle nudge. So here they go. We're going to send them on their way. So we're going to give you that so you can pass that along.

All right. Larry and Shannon from St. Cloud, Minnesota, paid off $123,000 in two years and seven months, making $140,000 to about $175,000. And they paid off their house. So exciting. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free. Yes. Yes. Oh, that's amazing. What's amazing is that she said, I'm not marrying anybody in debt.

And he's like, I'll fix that. I know. I'm right on that. said, I'm not marrying anybody in debt. And he's like, I'll fix that. I know, right? I'm right on that. Hey, man, I saw some of the videos they had up on the screen. She's wearing camo and Carhartt. That's a special woman. And he said, I'm not going to let this one go.

Not going to let this one go. Keeping her around. I'm going to keep her around. I'll pay it off. Whatever it takes. I'll keep this stuff paid off. And I love, like you mentioned it. They just decided this is, we're done with this. When you want to, you got to want it. And I love, like you mentioned it. They just decided this is,

we're done with this. When you want to, you gotta have, you gotta want it. And like, and their intensity in that. I'm like, that's what,

that's a part of it, right? This whole emotional side of your money. It's real. Yes. And this mindset that when you put, when you say something, do it.

And I don't want people to miss this. The last few years has been hard on everybody. And for some folks, for millions and millions, it buried them. And it's been hard to move. It's hard to breathe. And for others, they said, we're going to take a moment while the world is on pause and we're all going to get so far ahead that we can,

you know what I mean? That we can never get chased down again. So if you're one of those couples, one of those people that have been buried low, it's time to stand up. The sun's coming out. Let's's get after it we'll be right back Let's go. The scripture of today is 2 Corinthians 9, 10. Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed

and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. Robert Louis Stevenson said, Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant. I love Robert Louis Stevenson said, don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant. I love Robert Louis Stevenson. All right, let's go out to Alyssa in Wisconsin. Hey, Alyssa, what's happening? Hi, thank you.

I'm a big fan of the show, and I really appreciate what you guys do. Thank you so much. We're a huge fan of you. Thank you so much for calling. What's up? How can we help? I'm wondering if it is better to sell a vehicle while I still owe money on it or wait a few months until I can pay it off and then sell it to downgrade in vehicle. Great question. Okay, so how much do you owe on the car?

$9,500. $9,000. And how much do you make in a year? Together, my husband and I make about $130,000 with a lot of his overtime. Okay. And is that the only debt you guys have? Yes. We've already paid off six figures, and this is the last of it. Wow. Alyssa, congrats.

Yeah, I would sell. I'm sorry. I would pay this off. You guys have plenty of income. Go ahead and just knock it out. And then, yeah, if you want to downgrade from there, then you absolutely can. It's a great market right now for used cars. So you can get a lot for it. But I would love it paid for so that way you guys can just, yeah, you're all right, debt-free.

And then when you're debt-free, do you want to downgrade at that point, though? Because the car isn't really a big issue for you. You just don't need it? Or what do you want to downgrade at that point, though? Because the car isn't really a big issue for you. You just don't need it? Or what's the point to downgrade for you? So he's burnt out in his current career and wants to trade careers. And the training in the new career is very expensive. Okay. So we're wanting to pile up money as quick as possible for him to be able to get out of his current work situation.

I gotcha. Okay. And how much is the car worth now? About $21,000. Okay. Because I'm just trying to do now and use that cash towards it, you could sell it, obviously, pay it off, get a new car, all that. I almost would just pay it off and then go from there. Tell me about this burnout.

What do you mean with your husband? He's in law enforcement, and it's been pretty tough on him. It's been brutal. The candle's been burning low, so I asked him to read From Paycheck to Purpose, and he's very convicted in becoming a pilot. And flight training is very expensive, so we're hoping to build up $80,000 as quickly as possible for him to get out. Gotcha.

Okay. After an emergency fund. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So when somebody... I would love for the two of you, and I'm speaking from somebody who's... I've got connections in law enforcement. I've shared a home with law enforcement. That's my heritage. I grew up with that crew. I've worked with that crew. I would love for the two of you to go meet with a pastor or a marriage counselor, not because y'all are broken, in fact, the opposite. Sometimes the best time to go

talk to somebody about future planning, just having a neutral third party, and here's why. When people say I need to sell my car, that to me says there's an imminent, this thing's on fire, and I'm throwing every ounce of water, I'm throwing the water bottles at this thing to try to put the fire out. And I want to know, I want him to be able to have a space

where he can speak openly and say, no, I can do two more years. Or once I put a period at the end of the sentence, when I say, okay, in 24 months I'm going to retire, I can take 24 months. It's often the unknown. I can't keep doing this. It feels like forever versus I've got an exit strategy. And that's different than we need to sell the car. We need to sell the dog.

Let's see if one of our kids would – like we're going to sell the couches, right? Everything feels on fire when we have that level of emotion, that level of stress. But I want to know how imminent this burnout is. And I'll tell you, I have been in burnout where it's time for me to go now. I've been there. And I've also been in I can't keep doing this long term, which has ended up being a two- or three-year transition. So we did actually have that exact conversation. And I did project about two years to the emergency fund and the tuition,

and he's saying that he can't handle two years. Okay. So he's out, huh? Yep. Okay. So here's the other thing you've done then. You all have boxed yourself into it's either this or it's that. My recommendation would be that he leaves and gets a job at home

depot gets a job paying the bills and i mean serious a job that's going to let him heal and that's going to let him kind of get his feet back underneath him and i want him to go talk to somebody because that job he's been in is brutal. And I also know this. My mom was the wife of a police officer for many, many years. You wear this too, right? Do you have someone to talk to? Yes.

Okay, excellent. So I'd love to see just a gap because the pilot training sounds great and it's what I want to do next and you're such a great partner and you want to support him fully. It's $80,000. Yep. Is that000. Yep.

Is that fair? Yep. So what we often do when we get scared or we get nervous or we have to jump, which I trust him, if he says, I got to go now, then you got to go now, we box ourselves into, well, then if we got to go now, it has to be $80,000. And I would challenge that assumption. Can we wait two years working a minimum wage job? We'll tighten up.

Y'all have done such a killer job getting out of debt. Really to set you up for this moment for when we need to make some major life changes and I'd love to see y'all do it that way. Slow down a little bit and thank you for your service. Thank you for being a wife that walks alongside him during this mess

and we wish y'all all the best on the new journey. So great. I think that's great. Thank you so much. Absolutely. And yeah, John, you're exactly right. Because the urgency limits all your choices. Yeah.

When you're urgent, you jump just to, you know, it's just like this one thing. And he's running into something he wants, right? To be a pilot, all that. So I think I totally agree with that advice. Take a breath. And you're coming off, yes, like you guys said, though, it's a line of work that's very difficult. It's been unbelievable.

So, I mean, it's not like he was an accountant. Not that accountants don't have stress, but it's a totally different situation there. And so, yes, the emotions, I'm sure, are very high. And kind of just take a beat. Take a beat. And, man, can I just take a second? So excited that the new book is out.

Yes. The pre-sale is out. And we talk about this exact thing in the book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future. It is directly. The pre-sale is out right now. It's about that. About how do you take ownership of, I've got to make a move now. Or I'm not okay now. It's about that, about how do you take ownership of, I've got to make a move now, or I'm not okay now. Whether that's in work or in your marriage or in your home or with your kids

or whatever. I've got life history with the trauma, whatever's going on now, I got to stop, grieve that, and then I got to figure out what's next, right? And we have a million books out there on pieces of this, and some of them are complicated. Some are messed. This is a book that I wrote specifically for everybody that we can all understand. A mental health book, a relationship book, a what to do next book that's not complicated and full of theories and nonsense. It's just a simple book that's going to help somebody walk through it, just like this crew.

So Alyssa, stay on the line and I'm going to send you a free copy of this book and get you and your husband on your way to whatever comes next. So good. And I even love that title of owning your past. Like there's a level of you and even their story, right? Yeah.

Of sitting in what happened, like, you know. Yeah, it's been hard. What's happened, yes. And to be in that and I feel like we can live in this world where we just run to the next thing.

That feels like it masks it, right? It makes it feel better but it's like this beach ball that's going to keep coming out. I love that. It will keep coming back. And sometimes the ultimate destination isn't the tomorrow destination.

There's going to be a season of rest. There's going to be a season of reflection or pausing or just working at Starbucks or Home Depot for a while until we can save up the money to do the next big thing. That's right.

That's right. And I'm so excited about this book, John. It comes out when? When's like the actual? It actually comes out in April. If you buy it now, it comes with a,

man, BetterHelp stepped up, comes with a free month of counseling. Which is huge. Huge. Hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. Free audiobook,

all kind of stuff. So you can pre-order today at ramsaysolutions.com and it's very, very cool. Well, Rachel, I look forward to seeing you here in just a few minutes when we head over to the Money in Marriage event tonight.

Join us. Money in Marriage tonight. Go to RamseySolutions.com slash events. I'd like to thank James, Chiles, Kelly, Daniel, and the gang. Even Connor back there. The gang. He just looped all y'all together, grouped y'all together. That's right.

America, we're grateful for you. Be kind to one another, and we will phone screener for The Ramsey Show. If you would like to do your debt-free scream live on the show, make sure you visit theramseyshow.com and register. We would love for you to come to Nashville and tell Dave your story.