The Ramsey Show - App - What Do I Need To Know Before I Build My First House? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Take our Audience Survey & Enter to Win a $500 Visa Gift Card: Click here to take the survey   Dave Ramsey & Ken Coleman discuss: Why the baby steps apply in every situation, Building a house, 100% commission jobs, Caring for aging parents in retirement.   Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6   Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

I'm Hi from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the, what do we call it, the Pods Moving and Storage Studios. I'm just getting used to saying this. Yeah. Yeah. And the paid over debt is dumb, cash is king, and the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice.

We help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Ken Coleman is carrying me through the opener today, and the rest of the show is my co-host. He is the Ramsey personality over all career things, including the Ken Coleman Show and the number one best-selling book, Paycheck to Purpose. We're here to help you with your life, your money, your career. The phone number, 888-825-5225 is the answer. Lane is on the line to start off this hour. Lane is in Kansas City.

Hi, Lane, how are you? Hey, Dave. Ken, thanks for taking my call. Sure, what's up? Yeah, Dave. Ken, thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? Yeah, so I just had a quick question. So I currently have $14,300 left on the car. I could get that paid off in February,

but I don't know if I should pay that off first or just save up for our first child child that's going to come in april uh when you're having a baby on the way we tell folks to push pause on their baby steps push pause on their debt snowball and pile up cash okay so you i would not pay off your car i would just pile up cash as big a pile as you can have okay and just how stack cash like you were trying to pay off the debt. I would just pile up cash, as big a pile as you can have. Okay? And just stack cash like you were trying to pay off the debt, but just put it in your own account.

Never touch it for anything unless there's an emergency. And then when mom and baby come home from the hospital and everybody's healthy and everybody's safe, you push play again, which means that day you're going to pay off your car. Okay. Okay. You won't have lost anything except a little bit of interest on your car between now and the time baby comes and right now we're focusing on more important things than car debt and that's baby okay understand that i bet you do how exciting

yeah it's very exciting your first one yes all right fun All right. Fun. Good for you, man. How old are you guys? I'm 24, and she's 26. Cool. Yeah, so you're going to have several thousand dollars towards your baby step three above your $14,000 for the car debt, because the car will evolve. Just by paying the payments, you will have reduced the principal sum,

and you're going to save more. And you said February was your target date, and April's a baby, so you would have already saved several thousand beyond. You should have $16,000, $17,000 saved. And when you pay off the car, you've got a good start towards your baby step three then. Following me? Yeah, we currently have $7,400 saved up in savings right now. Oh, so you're not really working the baby steps.

I mean, we are. No, you weren't either. Baby step one's $1,000. Everything above that goes towards the car. But now the baby's coming. It's okay. We're going to push pause anyway, and we're going to pile up the cash. Okay.

All right. Thanks for the call, brother. Open phones at 888-825-5225. So, Ken, you might get called out on this show. Even if you're a nice young guy with your first baby on the way, I might still smack you around a little bit. Yeah. If you act like you're working the baby steps and you're not.

That's right. There's a reason why you've got seven of them, and they actually go in order and they make a lot of sense. Same thing with the paycheck to purpose. That's right. You know, you got to get clear and, you know, I'm kind of working this, but I'm not clear. No, you're not working it yet. So true. You know, there's a process here that's proven and we're going to go with that process. Yeah. You got it. You got to walk a plan. You know, no matter where you are in your life, maybe it's physical fitness, maybe it's some health stuff, relationship stuff going on. When you have a gap between where you are and where you want to be,

there is always going to be steps to build that bridge, if you will, and you walk across that bridge to where you want to be. And you've got to follow it. You absolutely have to follow it. And we're hardcore about it. And the reason is it works. Ish is a wish. Every time you ish it, you slow down your progress.

And you lower the probability of actually hitting it. That's right. So let's take his scenario. Let's say baby wasn't on the way. He's new to us, whatever he is. And he's going, okay, I'm going to pay it off in February. And he's juiced that savings. Baby step one is $1,000.

He's juiced it to $7,400. And what he could have done, instead of kind of holding that back, worrying about something, to play it out the way that you've taught it for decades, then he's so much further along in paying off that car. It's just paid off by Halloween. That's right. Then that goes towards how quickly he gets his emergency fund set. And then that goes into 15%. And so everything fast forwards when you actually walk our plan out.

Yeah. So, you know, just be ready that if you say, I don't understand them, that's okay. We're not going to pick on you for that. But, yeah, so do this stuff the way it – guys, we've had 10 million people go through Financial Peace University. This is not our first ride on this cabbage truck. So we want to help you we we want you to do but but you know we the shortest right way from where you are to wealth is what we've laid out and we're going to do that with you every single time freddie is in iowa or i'm sorry louisiana hey freddie how are

you very well sir thank you how are you better than i deserve what's? Sir, I'm fixing to retire. I'm seven years old. My wife is 62. We have a home. We have a very small mortgage on it. We have five steps. It's a period in being construction. And she's laid up right now with a broke foot, and she'll be laid up until January.

And every time I go up nine of them steps, like I was telling the gentleman a while ago, it's a landmine, and it's going to bite me one day. We're wanting to build a new home on Slab, have it not necessarily handicap accessible, but more friendly toward our age. I'm wondering, the main thing I'm wondering about right now is, should we go ahead and do this in the next few months again, or should we wait a year or so? I don't want to get laid up and crippled where I can't do anything.

I don't want you to either. And if I thought that was the only option, you know, we would talk about it. But obviously it's not. I mean, you made it up and down those steps a bunch of times. You probably got a few more in you. But, yeah, let's go ahead and have a plan. I'm actually drawing a home right now. I'm thinking I'm probably going to build in the spring,

and maybe if everything has calmed down a little bit but uh but the you know as you know the real estate world has been out of control oh yeah crazy and so you don't want it you don't want to be building a house in the middle of crazy and some builder act like they're doing you a favor oh yes we will consider building your home uh no you got this backward. So I'm the one giving you money. So, you know, this, you know, kind of got to get on the right side of that equation. And I don't know in your area if you're there. You could certainly interview a few builders and look at some plans and say, okay, this is what we want to do.

And see if you get, A, the right attitude. And, B, if they can give you reasonable pricing based on construction materials availability, supply and demand, and cost right now. Most of that has evened out after the pandemic economic suppression when we shut down the world to flatten the curve. You all remember that? That was weird. And now we're trying to catch up on all the production that was not done in the factories,

and it caused inflation. And so now that there's not as much scarcity and there's a little bit more abundance of the items, some of the prices are starting to stabilize, the components of a home. For instance, lumber prices, that kind of stuff. So that's what we're facing right now. Check it out right now. But personally, I'm thinking it's going to be spring before it's going to get a little bit more normal. This is the Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today.

Bailey's in Colorado Springs. Hey, Bailey, how are you? Hi, Dave. I'm doing well. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can we help? Awesome. Thank you guys for taking my call. So my question has to do, it's job related. So back in March, I took a job as a wine and liquor sales rep. It's 100% commission and it's exactly what I've wanted to do for years now. I work for a very small company out of Denver. And so I'm selling just smaller brand names.

And Ken, I've been taking your advice and trying to keep as many doors open as possible. So I have been trying to ask reps their names and so on. And I ran into what I thought was a rep last week. And he was actually a district manager filling in for a rep that had currently quit. He works for a company that I've been, a bigger company that I've been told would be a very good company to work for. Um, so my question, it's still a hundred percent commission. I just, uh, they're, I'm going through the interview process and they sound like they want me to join their team. Um, I just don't know. I really like the small company that I work

for, but I also would like to help my family succeed financially. We're debt free. Um, so on the high end with this current position that I have, I'm probably making going to make close to $50,000 if I really hustle and grind it. Um, and then this new job, I'd probably be close to $70,000 with just commissions alone on the low end. So I'm just kind of... Yeah. So what I heard is that there's a feel, there's a comfort level with this smaller company.

So let's dive deeper into this. Let's just assume, and we can't assume that you're going to get the job, okay, that they're going to offer, but it sounds good. But let's just assume that right now we have both in front of us, all right? What is the biggest fear? There's some fear here. What is the fear about taking the new job if it was presented? What are you afraid of?

I've worked for bigger companies before. I know they're more corporate. I think that's what scares me is I like what I'm, so with the job that I'm with right now, it's, I like the flexibility with it, which there's flexibility with this new one as well. But I like that it's almost as if I'm running my own business and I don't, it just, it feels like I'm running my own business, which is something that I've really enjoyed. But what's hard is just the commissions. Like last month was a really tough month commission wise. Cause I also had to, you know, if I'm not working, I'm not making money.

So, and I had to take about two weeks off last month. So Bailey, here's what I hear. Here's what I hear. You don't have a really good, clear fear to define. And that's part of what is causing the fear is you don't really know if it's going to be that much different. Anybody who is straight commission in all reality does run their own business. So I don't think there's that big of a deal. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to continue to walk this out, go through all the interviews. Let's get it all the way to the point they make the offer. I would start today beginning to ask questions where it's appropriate in the interview process on around the issue of what is it like the autonomy? What are the, what's the hours? What's the accountability? What's the accountability? What's the reporting process,

the sales process? You don't ask it the way that I'm saying that, but you're diving into those issues because there is a comfort level with the way you sell for this current company. So get out a piece of paper, get it out of your head and write down, this is what I like about this sales position that I'm currently in. These are the characteristics. And so you ask questions that will allow you to get answers to determine, wait a second, it's a bigger company. this sales position that I'm currently in, these are the characteristics. And so you ask questions that will allow you to get answers to determine, wait a second, it's a bigger company. Yes, more corporate, but it's largely the same. It's what I kill is what I eat. And I think you just dive into that. Ask about culture questions. How do we grow? What's the measurement process?

What's the development process and training process? Ask lots of questions, which is normal to do in the interview process. And then one other step, I want you to try to get connected to people that work in the company now. Now you got to mature enough to handle that feedback. Here's what I mean. Just because I talked to one person and they say something kind of negative doesn't mean it's true. I want to talk to three to five to seven people, ideally connected to the sales type role, and we're going to get real feedback. We're going to look and see how do they treat their customers? What are their customer review? Can we get vendor reviews? This is how we find out if a culture, which means shared behaviors, is healthy. And so I want you to walk all the way through stop letting fear create a narrative right

now you don't know some things go get the answers to those things and then the fear of the unknown goes away and now you're going to be able to make a good decision hey why did you uh you said last month sucked because you took two weeks off why'd you take two weeks off yeah um we had sick babies I got sick um so it was just like this cycle of people getting sick in our household. Your kids were sick and you were sick? Is that what you meant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it started off with our two girls.

It doesn't matter where you work. If you don't work for two weeks on 100% commission, your month's going to suck. Yeah. That's irrelevant to this decision. Both places your month would suck. Yeah. That's irrelevant to this decision. Both places your month would suck. Yeah. So, what would you do if you were working at another position and your children were sick?

Like at a regular job, you just take personal time off? You'd use up your vacation time? Yeah, and they offer pto with this new job this current one i don't have they don't have pto why does pto matter if you're on 100 commission you're not getting paid if you don't work regardless of pto right there's not paid time off. You're not getting paid if you're not selling something. Right.

So, I mean, they got you on some kind of a base, or they got a draw? You know, that's a good question that I will ask the person that I've been in contact with. If you sell real estate full-time there is no paid time off because you're either selling real estate or you're not remember bailey that's 100 commission so yeah dig into this like ken's saying and let's find out what's really going on here um it sounds like you have a uh a third tier set of brands that are not the prime brands and this bigger company's got some better brands that you can sell a lot better and sell a lot more volume of and as long as they're not going to

be all stuff shirt and make it miserable to work there with a toxic corporate crap then it's probably the play to do but you need to work through improve that to yourself that's right the quick lesson here just for bailey and the rest of our listeners and viewers is this the interview process is as much for you as it is for the company. They're being interviewed too. You have got to have some confidence to ask these questions. You can do it in a way that doesn't put the company on defensive, but you can ask really good questions that allow you to get answers.

Here's what's going on. And Bailey, you're normal. You're just like every other human being. There is, anytime we look at change, which we have to change to progress, in this case, financially and professionally, there's going to be some unknowns. The quicker we can get the knowns to those unknowns, now we have the ability to discern and make the right decision. But letting a narrative speak.

People don't mind change if they're convinced that it is better. Right. I mean, you're driving a $1,000 car and you get to change to a $ thousand dollar car you love change right you know right so you just got to be convinced that the change is for the better change that we're out there's a bunch of unknowns the ambivalence will drive you bananas oh yeah absent of an answer our mind dave starts to fill in the negative negative always negative yeah yeah if we don't know what's going on we automatically assume bad stuff that's right and uh and so the trick is in the whole thing here bailey just ken saying gather more information i love it in a ramsey interview when our team that is interviewing someone that

may be coming to work here uh presents so much stuff about us that someone opts out they go y'all are whacked i don't want to work there right because you weren't if they say that they weren't going to fit in they were going to be a negative culture that's correct and we would have had to fire them later and so it's much better for them to self-select because we we almost run them off yeah uh and we're not trying and so we're being interviewed too you know when when you come into interview here you're deciding if you want to work here we're deciding if you want to work here. We're deciding if you want you to work here.

And so you've got to look at it that way. It is a two-way street. And I don't need to sell you on working here, but I would love to sell you on not working here. Because if I can run you off before you get in here and cause issues because you're an idiot, then that would be a great thing for us. This is The ramsey show ДИНАМИЧНАЯ МУЗЫКА In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the Dead Free Stage, Jessica is with us. Hi, Jessica. How are you?

Hi, Dave. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. Welcome. How are you doing? Better than I deserve. Welcome. Where do you live? I live in Bourbonet, south of Chicago. Oh, welcome to Nashville. Thank you. And how much debt have you paid off?

$121,000. Woo! How long did that take? 28 months. Look at you. Way to go, kiddo. And your range of income during that time? $70,000 to $90,000.

Cool. What do you do for a living? I'm a chemist for a pharmaceutical manufacturer. Oh, look at you. So what was the 121,000? 2,000 was my car loan and 119,000 was student loans. Whoa. Whoa. How long you been out of school? I graduated in 2016. Okay. And so two and and a half years the last two and a half years you spent knocking this out had a little bit of a gap between the time you graduate and the time you really get into gear. Tell us your story what happened? Yeah so I was almost three years into paying minimum payments on my student loans and I was 25 years old living at my parents' house, and I just got a new job. And I felt like, well, what's next?

What can I do next? And can I move out? And so I didn't actually know my total debt amount at that time because it was broken down into several federal loans, and I hadn't added it up. So I did that, and in my head, I thought it was $80,000. I had to be around there, but it was actually $119,000. And just the realization that it's the old crap moment. Yeah. Oh, crap.

Because I knew I'd only paid down about $20,000 on the principal in almost three years. And so I'm just praying to God, like, can you please give me contentment to survive the next seven years? Because I don't know how I'm going to do this. And so actually one day I was talking about it and my aunt, she said to me, well, why don't you pay it off? I said, there's an option. Who thought that? Wow. I was confused. So I said, you don't make a dent in six figures of debt. And she said, I know you.

You could do it. Just listen to this radio show, and it'll click for you, and you'll do it. I know you. I don't even need to explain it to you. Wow. That's a compliment. So left it just at that. I've got some nieces that are that way.

Yeah, this one right here could do that. Yeah. She, she apparently knew me better than I knew myself. So I had more confidence in you than you had in yourself. That's the answer. That's right. So one day I had a long drive and I just decided I have curiosity to turn it on. And there was a debt-free scream, a girl near my age as well.

Also single and similar numbers as me. Oh, there it is. I felt like God just showed me my story play out before it played out, and I was so inspired by it. I just knew that my prayer for contentment was not about to be answered, but I was happy about it. Well, it was just answered, and the answer was no right we're gonna make you very discontent until you get this straightened up exactly i love it okay dave i gotta tell this this is great you asked for contentment yes and you got conviction i did that's what you got and then it's like watch out. Yeah. Because he knows her too. There you go.

I like it. Just like Ant knows her. Yeah, that's good. Good. Look at you. Okay, so you tore into it like a wildfire. I did. I did.

I picked up some side hustles. I tutored high school students in chemistry. What's that pay? It pays what I want it to pay. Yes. Because I was going to say, as a a parent it's whatever she says yeah because you're like help my kid with chemistry yeah so what do you charge really what is it how much is it 80 going up 280 an hour 80 an hour 50 an hour I actually just do like 30 to 35 and I feel like um it I've been know, growing into that and increasing it. But sometimes that, like, constant meeting helps if they can just throw a couple dollars at it.

So I've been kind of figuring that out. That's awesome. You enjoy coaching them? I absolutely do. And I didn't realize how much I would enjoy it. But I started it before even the pandemics was around. Oh, then you became real popular yes there were more students than i could even take on and i wanted to take them on

but for you i just i was so happy to be able to help students through the e-learning struggle and to make an impact you're amazing that's so cool 35 bucks a freaking hour i love it and going up from here oh man and knock out 121 000 in two and a half years yeah two years and four months no less yeah right my goal was to make it by age 30 but i just turned 28 right after or right before i paid it off oh so you beat you beat your goal by two years yeah Yeah. Yep. This is how it goes down right here. I love it. Amazing.

All right. Now that you did it, you're an expert. What do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? The budget is everything. It's important, but it's also the most freeing part of the journey because you get to set your pace yourself. You get to decide, am I going to buy this or am I going to buy this or how much of each thing or how much am I going to throw towards the debt so it's all in your hands and it's really empowering I felt when I started budgeting that was my first step I've also gotten creative with saving money and trying to buy anything I can used my favorite blouse is like six dollars from Goodwill. So look at you all

right. So did you stay home or did you move out? I ended up staying home and when I paid my last payment on one paycheck I actually put down a security deposit on a townhouse of my own on the next paycheck. So I was freed up to you you know, do what I wanted, live where I wanted. Okay. So the tremendous lesson here, tremendous lesson. I'm going to throw it back to you to keep teaching because I thought you just dropped a masterclass in something. Our, you know, our colleague, Rachel Cruz talks about the budget, give you permission to spend. You said it empowered you in this journey because you got to set your own pace. That has to be tremendously liberating to say, all right, because you went

from telling your aunt, there's no way I can make a dent in six figures of debt. And now you're telling us that the budgeting part of what we teach empowered you to set a pace that you felt like you could get and ended up going beyond that. I want you to unpack that a little bit more. How did it empower you? Because I would go back to that number and I had my debt snowball, you know, and all written out. And I said, okay, well, this is the latest I'll pay it off. And I knew that if my, if I allowed my spending budget to be outside of that or something to splurge on, that meant, okay, am I comfortable with pushing it to the next month? Oh, that's good. And I often said no for that reason,

and I felt inside that I was choosing what I wanted to choose. Because you were. Because I was. You were in control of the choice. Yeah, exactly. And this is where people happen to money instead of money happening to them. And that's why people say the budget, the budget, the budget. And it's exactly why.

It's because you're taking control and you're the boss of the money. And a lot of people spend their whole life where the money is the boss of them. Right. And instead you're going, okay, I have a choice. And it's my choice and I get to do what I want to do. And really the way you're saying it and even your body language is i got no guilt about either way but in this case i choose to not do this thing so i can get this other debt knocked out right and two years early she comes in debt free way to go you're amazing you are an

absolute warrior princess you're amazing absolute rock star very cool we got a copy of baby steps millionaires for you that's the next chapter in your story for sure you're going to be a millionaire before we know it and also a copy of totem when you make over you can give that to someone that you believe in that doesn't believe in themselves yet yeah i like that and a financial peace university one year subscription you can go through and join ramsey plus and go through financial peace university get the every dollar dollar extended version of the app. And man, enhanced, all good stuff, all free. We want to say thank you. You did a great job. And what a great, great story. You're an amazing young woman. Thank you, Dave. Thank you, Ken. I'm so happy to be here.

Jessica from Chicago. $121,000 paid off in 28 months, making 70 to 90. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. I'm debt-free. Yeah, baby. Yeah. This is the Ramsey Show. Субтитры подогнал «Симон» Ken Coleman, Ramsey personality, bestselling author and host of The Ken Coleman Show,

is my co-host today as we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual, real relationships. Caitlin is with us. Caitlin's in Memphis. Hi, Caitlin. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, Dave and Ken. How are you guys?

Good. What's up? Great. So, I'm 23 years old. I just graduated with my master's on April 30th. Congratulations. And what? Thank you. And cybersecurity. Ooh. Wow. years old i just graduated with my master's on april 30th congratulations and what awesome thank you and cyber security oh wow cha-ching yeah yeah you hear that sound that you hear that

printing press sound in the background folks that's money yeah she knows it too that's the laugh of you're right good Good for you. Thank you. So my mother informed me that she has zero say for retirement and expects me to take care of her during her retirement years. Obviously, I don't want to abandon my mother, so how can I best prepare myself to take care of her when that time comes? You're 23. How old is your mother?

She is 46, sir. Okay. So what part of her childhood trauma has damaged her psychologically to make this ridiculous but statement? That I am not sure. Do you agree that that's absolutely ludicrous for a 46 year old to put on a 23 year old that you're going to have to take care of me someday when you've

got 20 more years to work you ought to be taking care of yourself when you put it that way sure um but i do love my mother that's not a question of loving your mother it's not a question of honoring your mother your mother's misbehaving does she work now does she have any type of career or job or there's some type of uh challenge she's dealing with that makes her put this on you what's what's the backstory she does work um she's a secretary and making around 30k a year okay um i just think it's a it's a matter of um not knowing how to get to since she hasn't saved up to this point i think it's a matter of not knowing when it's how to start or you know that type of thing was this a flippant

comment or you think she seriously expects you to just to write her checks when she retires because she's worked her whole life and didn't bother i think it's 100 serious okay all right well there's two or three issues going on okay issue number one is the answer to your question is how do you help anyone financially you first have to put your own oxygen mask on meaning that you can't help people if you're broke so you need to become wealthy and you're going to do that you're going to be making a lot of money and you're going to follow the baby steps that we teach and you're going to stay out of debt and you're going to invest and save and you're going to be a multi-millionaire

by the time you're 40 okay and so you'll be able to write her checks that does not mean you should but mathematically you would be able to if you followed that do you agree with that yes sir okay then the next part of the question for me is um how do we honor the office of motherhood in other words the bible says honor your father and mother it does not say buy them cocaine if they are a cocaine addict that is not honoring them and so we don't the bible is not suggesting that by honoring your parents you participate in their misbehavior and for a 46 year old to plan on retiring broke and be taken care of by their children is misbehavior in the American culture now in some

cultures it would not be but in North America in Memphis Tennessee that's misbehavior you follow me yes sir so how can we help mom when mom is engaged in misbehavior behavior that's inappropriate and so what i would do is this i i would say hey mom i'm going to go through this class because i'm going to start making a lot of money call financial peace university to learn how to handle money and man i really want you to go with me would you you go with me, Mom? And I'll pay for it. And let's get her in this class and teach her how to handle money. And let's get her believing, having some hope that she actually could have the dignity of controlling her own destination without depending upon her daughter, because I got to tell you, I don't know what kind of person it is that actually feels okay about themselves when they are planning to fail and dump it on their own kids.

I don't think she feels good about herself when she says that. Or if she does, then somebody needs to bust her. And we can take care of either one. We can help her by busting her or we can help her. That's right. Help her by having some hope again and going, okay, let's take this $32,000. Let's motivate you to get that income up. Let's motivate you to get your budget going and start saving because she honestly should be able to take care of herself.

And I can show her how and I will show her how and I'll pay for it. Yeah. Caitlin, what's missing here is your mom simply doesn't know. That's what you said early in the call. She just doesn't know. And so if you could take her to that class and then begin to cast a vision for her to show her at the age of 46, if she puts away this amount of money per year over the next 20 years, where she can get to, she just needs to see some vision as well. So don't just take her to the class and encourage her show her but begin to take that knowledge that dave's going to teach

in that class and show her how to see what she could actually do a lot of times the dave ignorance is debilitating yeah you don't know and so you become hopeless and then you do stupid stuff like, you know, dump this on your 23-year-old kid. Yeah. It's just absurd. So I want you to hear, the main thing I want you to come away from this conversation with Caitlin is the courage to say, Mom, you are responsible for you. I don't need to be. And no, I don't accept this assignment and i do love you and oh by the

way this woman right here she could be a travel agent for guilt trips sometimes can't she yes sir yeah and so don't don't don't cash the ticket in on the guilt trip just go yeah i know i'm one of four kids who like not to know, throw dirt on my siblings, but I'm the one who, quote, unquote, made it out and actually did something with my life. Yeah, because you're going to go big. Your income is going to be more than your brothers and sisters put together. Yes, sir. I'm starting with $100,000.

Yeah. Ooh. Yeah, and you're going to $200,000, and then I blink in your world. If you're smart as and you're going to 200 and then i blink in your world if you're smart as i think you are and caitlin but that does not mean you have to take care of everybody that won't take care of themselves right that is not a moral obligation on your part and i want to set you free from that then if you choose to turn around once you're emotionally free from this toxic argument this toxic mandate that's coming at you once you're emotionally free from this toxic argument, this toxic mandate that's coming at you,

once you're emotionally free from that, if you still choose to come back as a position of strength when you don't have to, but even though I don't have to, I want to, I'm still going to be kind, and I'm going to help some people that are in a mess, then that's fine. That's fine. But I don't want you signing up at 23 years old for a 46-year-old babysitting job. That's just ridiculous. That's right. And Caitlin, I would also tell you, if you're not careful,

there's an emotional trap in this relationship. And here's the trap. Mom puts the pressure on you to do this. You love your mom. You don't want to disappoint mom. So here's what happens. You do something that inherently you know you shouldn't have to do. And in trying to please

your mom you end up resenting your mom yep and what dave is telling you to do is uh you need to be okay disappointing mom but in disappointing her hopefully pointing her to a better future and then in the end you won't resent her and so i would always rather disappoint a family member or friend than i would resent them because see the disappointment is on her side the resentment will stay with you the rest of your life and so you got to be careful of the emotional trap here here's the last part of the story and then we're basically I want you to hold on Kelly's going to sign you and your mom up for financial peace university I'm going to pay for it I want you guys to go to the class okay we want to help you fix this problem but here's the last part uh when you meet a guy if he's a really good guy

uh and he wants to be your husband and you want to be his wife and you fall in love he's not going to like this deal he's not going to like this obligation that comes with this deal. I've met this great gal, but she insists on taking care of her mother, who won't take care of herself. How can I say this? Highly unattractive. That's a good way of saying it. There you go.

Okay. It's ugly. All right, hold on. Kelly will pick up, and we'll get you signed up for Financial Peace Shippers. This is The Ramsey Show. Dave here. We just launched a brand new audience survey for The Ramsey Show, and we'd love your feedback. You could be entered to win a $500 Visa gift card. No purchase necessary.

Take the survey at ramseysolutions.com slash survey. We'll see you next time.