The Ramsey Show - App - When Should I Talk to My Girlfriend About Money? (Hour 1)

Episode Date: September 10, 2020

Investing, Relationships, Home Selling, Education, Savings Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR 

Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, Ramsey Personality, and I've got my co-host with me, Dr. John Deloney, also a Ramsey Personality, and newly minted personality. He's the freshest one of the group so far. That's just in newness. Okay, I'm the cleanest one in the group. But we are excited to be with you, and we are ready to take your calls.

Now, Dr. D, you handle all kinds of stuff. You're not scared of the emotions, the feelings, the relationship issues. I love them. Bring them on, man. You're ready. That's right. Okay, you're not scared of the emotions the feelings the relationship issues bring them on man you're ready that's right okay you're properly caffeinated listen ever since you and i started doing the show you have transitioned from three feelings to almost six now hey hey i'm pushing that's a hundred percent before we get done today you're right that's my goal america if people laugh i used to tell them i had three emotions. It was happy, mad, or about to be mad. That's all I had, people. I just had three. I know.

But I heard you express disappointment. That's right. Maybe some sadness. Some sadness. Maybe some anger. Some shame. Ooh. Guilt.

It's coming. It is. Ladies and gentlemen, if Christopher Hogan can change, you can change. That's what we're doing today. Hey, listen to me. We are here for you. So I know you're out there. You've got a money question.

I want you to call. I want to talk to you about it. But if you've got something dealing with relationships, you've got something dealing with people or anxiety, I want you to call. Dr. D will be able to help you. Now, here's the deal. We don't have a show if you don't call. So I want you to pick up the phone. Call us, 888-825-5225. Call us 888-825-5225.

That's 888-825-5225. Or find us on social media. You can find John at John Deloney. You can find me at ChrisHogan360. People, we're ready to go. We hope you are too. So, first up, we got Brandon calling us from Memphis.

Brandon, how are you, my friend? Hey, how's it going, guys? I sure appreciate you taking my call. Brandon, how are you, my friend? Hey, how's it going, guys? I sure appreciate you taking my call. Yeah, buddy. What can we do for you today? Okay, so I have kind of a double-sided question. So I'm 24.

My wife is 22. She just graduated and started working in our combined income. This year we'll do about 120 take-home, and then next year we'll do about 150 take-home. All right. take home and then next year we'll do about 150 take home and so she's from ecuador and we have thought about the idea of buying a in the future buying a beach property um that we said doesn't pay cash for after we paid our house off which we paid off in 17 months and so we were just wondering you know is it kind of a stupid idea to have a property internationally that, you know, we're only at for a certain way? The idea was to have it as a potential retirement-slash-vacation home. Uh-huh.

But we also want to have rental real estate in our area. So I'm just kind of wondering what's the best way to go about saving up for real estate and, you know, potentially looking at a property in Ecuador. Okay. All right, Brandon. First of all, you said you're 24 and 22 years old. You guys are getting ready to be making $150. What do you all do?

I'm a lawn and pest control specialist, and she's a medical interpreter. Okay, fantastic. Killing it. You all are on the ball. So right now, the only debt you all have is your mortgage? Correct. I'm proud of you. How much do you owe on the home?

$120. $120. How much do you pay on it a month? About $8,000. Okay. Ooh, $8,000. $8,000. You all are serious about knocking this thing out.

Yes, sir. I hate that house payment with a passion. I love it. I like you. I love it. We might be related. Now, Brandon, here's the situation, buddy. Hold on a minute.

You're talking about, have you been to Ecuador yet? Yes, sir, several times. Several times. Did you like it over there? I loved it. Okay. Well, okay. Now, when people start bringing up international and investing, my hair, the one I have on my head, starts twitching.

And here's the situation, because you are subject to the laws and all the things that happen over there. I had a friend that invested in property out of the country, and lo and behold, the country took it. They went in and it was almost like an eminent domain type situation that we have here where they can take farmland to make a road. Brandon, it makes me nervous, my friend. Now, yeah, I would say this. I like the idea of you guys investing in real estate, but I like the fact that you said the one thing that wanted me to give you a fist bump,

which was after you pay off your home, okay? So that's going to be job one. I'm going to tell you, as a person that invests in real estate, I'm a firm believer that you need to be near the property that you own. You need to be able to go lay eyes on it. I don't even like people owning properties out of state, right, unless you're using a property management company.

So, Brandon, here's what I'd do, buddy. I think it's fine for you guys to dream in HD. I talk about that in my book, Retire Inspired, for you all to have that vision. And I think you could even save up money that maybe one day if you all decide to go move there, right, that you could do that. Or if she has family there, I think there's a way that you all could think it through. But I would tell you, wait till you pay off your home, save up, pay cash, right, for any investment property that you're going to do. And I think you need to be close to it to keep eyes on it.

And Chris, Brandon mentioned something that I want to make sure everybody didn't, people don't miss. He said, I want to know the dollar amount i'm going to be spending for the few times a year i might go there versus what if we just went on an incredible vacation a couple of times a year that's right how often are we actually going to use this property is it worth the money right and you could actually not own it not own the headaches not deal with the drama not deal with the the shifting laws that happen in other countries all the time. And then have awesome vacations for half the price or a quarter of the price.

Listen, I told a friend, go for a month. Like, go over there and stay for a month. Get a place and rent it out. Yep. But that doesn't mean that you have to go all in and buy. Own it. Right, and try to own it. And now what are you going to do?

If something breaks, if there's an issue, it's in Ecuador, right? You can't drive there. It's a problem. So I'm with you. Man, if somebody ever calls me from Ecuador and says, hey, I need some help fixing my house, I'll say, I got it. One million dollars. I mean, what are you going to do, right?

The plumbers are going to talk to each other and the roofers. I don't like it. So here's the tip, everyone. Investing in real estate is fine, but I want you to do it with cash. Remember, you want to be allergic to debt. Don't try to call me rationalizing taking on any debt outside of a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage. That's just the bottom line. But you can do it.

And, yes, it's going to take time. And, John, people will tell me, Hogan, you don't understand. You know how long it will take to save up $200,000? It depends on how serious you are. Because I know people that have taken on two, three jobs to be able to achieve the goal that they're serious about. Well, and Brandon and his wife are cranking out $8,000 a month. They're living on gravy and backyard grass clippings, man. But they're going to get this thing done. Hey, listen, it's not that bad, John. They're 24 on gravy and backyard grass clippings, man, but they're going to get this thing done.

Hey, listen, it's not that bad, John. They're 24 and 22. Listen, whenever people tell me millennials aren't focused, I really just want to pluck them in the forehead. You know that? I really do because I know a lot of millennials that are intentional, that are hyper-focused. And so if you're out there, I want you to hear this. This young couple is cranking it, right? Being intentional. What can happen if you have a dream?

What can happen if you decide to have a plan and stick to it? I'll tell you what can happen. Anything you dare to dream. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Thank you. One of the questions I get all the time is, which life insurance company should I use for my term life policy? A valid question since there are hundreds of companies out there with rates all over the place and riders and add-ons that are simply a waste of money. You need to get this done and make the right decision. That's why the only company I use and have

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You are listening to The dave ramsey show i tell you i always love when we have live folks out in the lobby handsome beautiful seriously just good people smiling at you i mean look at them out there they just you all make sure you go eat some of the stuff john and i bake for you uh we bake some things over there in the Baker Street Cafe. That's not true. So here's the deal. Miss Melissa did that. They are not here to see us.

They're here to get the cookies and the coffee. That's right. They thought they were getting Dave and they got us. It's like a consolation prize. They tell him, hey, would you please? Yeah, can you imagine? You take a vacation. You go all the way across the country to see Dave Ramsey. And you show up and he's on vacation.

You get us two knuckleheads. Well, you know what? Here's the deal. We're going to do the best we can. We love seeing y'all, and we appreciate them out there in the lobby. And by the way, if you are ever in the Nashville area, make sure you come see us. You can come in and watch the show live right in our lobby, and you can also visit the bookstore, Baker Street Cafe, as well as get some coffee and baked goods that we provide there complimentary for you.

And we'd love to see you. All right, we're getting back to the phones because that's what we do. The number to call is 888-825-5225. Again, that's 888-825-5225. All right, we've got William on the line calling from Newark. William, how can John and I help you? Hi. Yeah, I was calling because I've been with my girlfriend for about six months now.

She's 36. I'm 41. And we're starting to get a little bit serious and start talking about finances and how we plan to move forward in the future. And so I have I earn more than she does. And I get the feeling that, you know, she knows how much I make in income. So, you know, I get the feeling that she thinks that I have a lot of disposable income. But my financial goals are a little bit different compared to what I believe she she thinks I'm spending my money. So basically, I'm like, I got my car payment to pay and I got my school loans to pay.

But when we go out, she thinks that I make this much money. I have a lot more disposable income, so I should pay for everything. And that doesn't make me feel comfortable. So I'm just looking for advice on how I can kind of, you know, approach this subject with her and we can kind of get to some sort of middle ground because, you know, my goals are to get rid of my debt. But, you know, I also feel like I'm not accomplishing that. William, let me ask you this. You said you've been dating this lady for about six months.

What's your longest relationship prior to this? I'm divorced, sir. I was married for nine years. Okay. I've been divorced for four years. Okay, so you've been single for four, you're dating this young lady. Is she the one? William.

Yeah. Did you hear me? I said, is she the one? You got awful quiet, dude. You scared me there for a minute. Yeah, yeah. No, no. You know, yeah, I believe she she the one you got awful quiet dude you scared me yeah yeah yeah you know yeah i think she is the one i think if we if we sought out these finances i think generally speaking yes

william here's the deal it's it's a magic formula and you are lucky that you called on the show today because i'm going to like pin and tell her i'm going to pull the curtain back and let you see how this actually works all right so do you have a pen and paper because i want you to write this down oh uh yeah let me get back no i'm just messing with you okay william i'm just messing with you you can go back on the youtube and watch it here's what i want you to do okay okay if you have some goals some financial goals for yourself you want to pay your debts off you want to become financially secure and you think that the person you might want to pay your debts off. You want to become financially secure. And you think that the person

you might want to spend the rest of your life with, the back half, right, has different goals than you. So drum roll, I want you to sit down and tell her. That's the magic. I want you to sit down and say, hey, I want to talk about our financial goals.

Here's the debts I have. Let's talk about the debts you have. Let's talk about the financial goals that we have. Let's talk about the disposable income that we have. If you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person, if you've been dating them for six months and eight months and nine months, a year, and you don't like the fact that she expects you to pay for everything

every time you go out then you need to tell her this makes me uncomfortable and this is going to be a broader conversation that you you also need to have about how you communicate with one another i don't like couples who are dating for six months that have this deep like i just makes me uncomfortable fill in the blank on anything i don't like the way they drive i don't like the way they always kiss me on the forehead i don't like the way that whatever the thing is i want you to feel so secure in this relationship that you're willing to get married you're willing to invest the rest of your life in that you feel comfortable enough having those deep conversations yeah listen william you have lived life before how long were you married

uh nine years nine years did you struggle with communication in that relationship You have lived life before. How long were you married? Nine years. Nine years. Did you struggle with communication in that relationship? Yes, definitely. All right, this is your chance, brother. Oh, yeah. This is your chance. Yeah, we got to improve this situation. Now, here's the deal.

You guys aren't going to combine finances until you say, we do, and you get married. Okay? First and foremost. So there should be no discussion of that. You need to talk about your goals. You need to find out if she has some, if she doesn't have some financial goals to me, that might be a red flag. And, and so you want to be able to talk about it, but that's what dating is about is to

be able to communicate. Uh, but I want you to get serious. I like that. You said you want to pay off your car, want to pay off your school payment. Now, tell me this. How much do you make a year? I make $155,000. Okay, and how much does she make?

$34,000. Okay. Now, listen, if you're dating and you ask her to dinner, who should pay for dinner, William? Well, I think I should pay for it because I'm making more than she does. I think you should pay because you asked her to go. Yeah. Okay, that's called chivalry.

That's how it is nowadays. Now, you guys might decide to cook some stuff at home, and I'm not saying everything needs to be expensive, but it goes back to budgeting, buddy. And I really and truly, I want you to get plugged in. Sit down and have that conversation. And be real and be upfront. I want you to communicate more than you ever have before. Because I don't want you to have any more surprises.

I'm sure in whatever the relationship was prior, there were some situations you wish you would have spoke up on sooner. And now you have an opportunity to go into this one being a little bit more assertive about you and and hearing but i want you to also listen to her right i want you to hear what she's saying and not saying and don't pretend that everything's going to be okay let's just talk it through and get real and william i want you to hear me directly when i tell you your goals and your dreams have value to them. You're allowed to have those goals. You don't have to apologize for those goals. You especially don't have to hide those goals.

They're worth putting out on the table, and you're worth being loved, and you're worth compromising, and, and, and, fill in the blanks, you're worth the relationship, man. And so here's an easy entrance into this conversation. Tell them that you called the Dave Ramsey show Dave was gone a couple of his junior varsity guys were on the air and they suggested crazy as they are that you and your girlfriend have a conversation about financial goals together yeah and you can be like it's gonna be weird but these two idiots on the radio told me and then that's going to be your entrance into that conversation we'll take the blame if it goes sideways and if

it goes real bad call chrishogan360.com and let them know all right hey i don't think you can go wrong by talking about what your drive is and here's the deal not only should you talk about it is about your goals and what you want you get married now it's got to become we that's right that's right and so it doesn't mean so you got to have the conversation um i think you hit the nail on the head asking william about did he struggle with communication before and he said yes why is that why do why do people struggle to speak up what they're thinking chris those those patterns are often set when we're kids on shut your mouth like i'll ask you later right and we learn these patterns and they just

replay themselves over and over and over how do we break it how do we break the pattern this moments like this you call people that you trust you get people in your corner and then you get nervous and your heart races and you sit down and you say i want to talk about our shared values about money and you just do it and then you fall on your face and it doesn't go well. Then maybe he finds out she's not the right person. That's right. You find out now instead of four years into marriage and, you know, frustrations down the road.

Or, more than likely, she's going to exhale, maybe get a tear in her eye and say, I've been waiting to finally meet William. Let's talk. And then all of a sudden you get to meet in a vulnerable, honest space, a brave space, and then, man, your relationship goes to different heights. Wow. Let down the guard and get real. Some real advice. Alright, you're listening to the

Dave Ramsey Show. We're coming right back. Don't you go anywhere. Thank you. Hello, everyone. You are listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. Now, co-hosting along with me this hour is John Deloney. And I need to tell you something. He has his own show now, okay? He's got new episodes every Monday, Wednesday, Friday on YouTube and anywhere that you listen to podcasts, but here's what he's going to do. He's going to get real and talk to you about life, relationships, mental health challenges, but he's also going to cut through the crap and give you tools to be able to deal with the chaos of anxiety, depression, and even disconnection.

He also has an anxiety relief checklist on JohnDeloney.com. Go over there, check it out. But here's the deal. With this show, I want to give you some information because not only can you email him, and his email is creatively askjohn at ramsaysolutions.com. But there's a phone number that you can call and leave a voicemail and talk about what's on your mind. And I want to give you that number. It's 844-693-3291. Again, that's 844-693-3291. John, this time that we're in right now is a time of tension, anxiety, and dealing with the unknown. People are stressed out, and they need some clarity.

So I know you're helping a lot of those people on your show. I'm loving it. And, yeah, when you think 2020 couldn't get any crazier, then I got a show. A guy who didn't know how to work podcast six months ago and now we're on one but um yeah it's been it's it has really been humbling to hear the calls people are hurting yeah and more than anything chris um i was talking to our friend ken coleman about this this morning people think they're alone they think they're the only one who realizes that their marriage is a mess or that thinks they are just completely flunking parenting or that they think that they are the only one with a boss that is spinning out of control.

And so it's just been humbling to walk somebody through something and then get the feedback on the show to think, oh, my gosh, I thought I was the only one that thought I was a crappy parent or, or, or. And so, man, it's been fun. We're having a good time. Kelly and James have been just rock stars and Zach putting the show together and helping us behind the scenes. it's been fun we're having a good time kelly and james have been just rock stars and zach putting the show together and helping us behind the scenes it's been fun man no well i'm excited for you i know people want the the knowledge but also the encouragement and i just want to encourage all the listeners out there life is not meant to be done alone you cannot do it alone you can't and i know American culture. We all tend to have a little John Wayne in us.

You're too young. I'll explain to you who he was. Oh, I love Mr. John Wayne. He was a bad man. He was a cowboy back in the day. And you just pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and you did what you needed to do. And you didn't show emotion. You just got stuff done.

And you know what? That's fine in TV and in movies. It's not real in life. It's not real. It's just not. Nope. And, you know, I want to encourage people out there, if you are feeling things, I don't want you to feel alone. And that's the most important thing is to reach out.

I'm a master isolator. I can give lessons on what not to do. And it's important to let your guard down and talk to people about the things on your head and on your heart. And you'll start to get some insight and wisdom, which can recharge you and allow you to run forward and deal whatever comes your way. So we want to encourage you. Reach out. Check out John's show.

He would love to have you tune in. All right, next up, we got Leo calling from Atlanta. Leo, how can we help you? Hey, how y'all doing? Oh, we're focused and not finished, my friend. What's on your mind? I have a little situation with my parents, and I want to see if y'all can guide me in the right direction.

Currently, my parents are living, they're renting a property that was supposed to be gifted to them, and it's too long to explain it, but they're looking for somewhere to stay, and we're literally a mile away from each other, and I have a parcel of my land that already has a cabin, like a little outbuilding out there, and I want to gift it to them so they can build their house and retire, do it or not, but I'm having little family issues that I want to gift it to them, but I kind of want it to come back to me when they're long gone away just because, you know, it took the effort for me paying and gifting the land.

But my family, you know, doesn't agree with, you know, they're putting their money into it. And, you know, they're coming back to me. And I just want to see what's the best situation for what we have going on right now. Okay, so hold on. It's your land that you bought, and you're thinking about either gifting it or selling it to the parents. What does your other family members, what do they have to do with the situation? He wants it back. I want to put the money to build it, and I kind of want it to fall back for my son,

but not just because I want it to kind of fall back for what I worked hard for. Right. So, hey, Leo, this is one of those situations that's complex but relatively easy. If you sell it or you give it away, it's theirs. If you give something with strings, it's not a gift. It's a manipulation. And so if you want to offer them some land to live in your cabin, great. If you sell it to them, it's theirs. And if they put a million dollar house on it and your brothers and sisters and cousins are going to think they've got access to that money because that's part of their estate and it's going to get all separate. So at the end of the day, you need to ask yourself

that question. If you want to hang on to this land for your kid, for your son, great. It's your land. You can do with what you want with it but you can't sell it and then say but part of the agreement is you're going to give it back to me whenever it's done and i'm going to get the land improvements that they have put their money in on it's just going to turn into a family mess there leo have they approached you about this at all they they're the ones that really want my mom really fell in love with the land and, you know, the current layout with it. And like I said, I really want to give it to her. It's all in my heart, and I want them there.

It's just more me also behind my back. I love my family too, but I just, you know, when they're long gone, you know, what's going to happen? You know, I know they have their stakes and this, but if it's going to benefit me or I'm going to be happy with the outcome, it would be, and I don't know if I should just sell it to them and then let it be their problem or should I just give it to them. I don't want to sell it to them because I want them to use the money

to build a house on it. Do they have the money to build? They do have the money to build, but they won't have the money. If I sell it to them, they won't have enough to build it. I understand. How much would you sell this land for? Oh, it's probably worth, you know, it's prime real estate where it's at, but it's probably worth, I would say, anywhere $30,000 to $50,000.

Okay. And are your parents still working or are they retired? They're close to retiring. My mom's been a housewife. My dad's the only one that works, and he's pretty much regularly hanging up. Right. And are you married or are you single? With somebody.

We live together. Okay. And the reason I say that, have you talked to your significant other about it? She's all on board about it, you know, because the biggest thing is my dad, you know, he still works hard, and, you know, he's kind of scared that, you know, because the biggest thing is my dad, you know, he still works hard and, you know, he's kind of scared that, you know, if he passes away, he kind of wants my mom where, or either versus, you know, so they can be around somebody close to take care of whatever they need.

Let me ask you this. Where, are you familiar with the baby steps? Yes, I am because I'm actually debt free. I'm 29 and I was able just by listening to your show. I never really read the book, but I got on board about two years ago, and I paid off about $170,000. Wow. Good for you, brother.

That's awesome. So where are you now on baby steps four, five, and six? Yeah, I'm basically looking to invest and where to put money at at this point. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Well, I agree with John. I think you have to come to a conclusion. There's a couple routes. You could gift it.

You could sell it. You could do a land lease with them. You know, you could set it up, but you've talked about if they buy the land from you, they don't have the money to build, right? And so I think it's just a matter of you figuring out how do you want to approach it long term. But I agree. You can't really gift it and then have this string and expectation. So I would say whatever you decide to do, utilize an attorney with legal forms so it's not a handshake.

Because people can get amnesia. Okay? Like John forgot he borrowed $5 from me the other day. That's why he now owes me $20. Right? So that's called Hogan math. I'm just playing. I'm just playing.

You owe me $50. But here's the deal. Make sure you use an attorney. You want all the things in writing, all the feelings in writing, and you have clarity. This is a struggle. You can hear it in his voice.

That's right. Because he's thinking short have clarity. This is a struggle. You can hear it in his voice. That's right. Because he's thinking short term. I've got a responsibility. I want to be able to give like nobody else. I want my mom and dad to be comfortable and happy. But I don't want the hard work I've put in two years of getting all this stuff paid off. I want my son to be able to benefit from that. And so you mentioned it, getting it in writing.

I think it's less amnesia for mom and dad and more about the cousins and the grandkids. Everybody else is going to come out of the woodwork when mom and dad pass away. I agree. And so getting it in writing, understanding what your options, you could lease the land, you could gift it, or you could sell it. And whatever decision you make, let that be the decision. Put a period of thinning sense, and you're done. It's not a comment. It's a period.

Stay tuned, people. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hello, everyone. You are listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. I'm Chris Hogan, Ramsey personality, and hosting along with me is another Ramsey personality, Dr. John Deloney, and we are very excited to be here with you. Okay. is another Ramsey personality, Dr. John Deloney, and we are very excited to be here with you. Okay, today, Blinds.com, 100% satisfaction guaranteed, means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color, they're going to remake your blinds for free.

You'll get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code Ramsey to get the best deal rules and restrictions apply all right john what's our question today all right today's question comes from sandy in my home state of texas she visits davramsey.com to ask my grown daughter is going through a divorce for the second time and is now living with me she has two daughters from her first marriage and a baby from the second the second divorce has required her first marriage and a baby from the second. The second divorce has required a divorce attorney and a criminal attorney.

She was not working before the divorce, but has since begun working at a job she held previously. I've gone through approximately $25,000 in legal fees and may owe more. This does not include the expense for providing the necessities for my grandchildren.

My daughter is 38 and is basically starting her life over again at my expense. I feel obligated to help my daughter, but she's not doing her part to help me. Help. Whoo. Whoo. You know what Sandy's asking for? What's that? Permission.

To do what? Have a boundary. Yes. Permission to treat her daughter like she's almost 40. Permission to have her daughter feel the weight of her consequences. Yeah. Of her choices. I'm sorry, the consequences of her choices, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Sandy, you know what I'm going to say. And Chris, I'd love to get your wisdom, but yeah, it's time to sit down with your daughter and say you are the mother of these three young kids. These are your marriages. It's time for you, daughter, to work really hard towards getting the job, towards getting out on your own. Here's six months. I'm not going to pay your legal fees anymore, or I will continue to help, and here's the outline of my help, and here's what I'm going to require of you for help.

But daughter's got to start feeling the obligation that she's in control, that she's in charge. She's almost a 40-year-old woman, and she's got to take responsibility for these three kids and get to it. Man, I agree. I mean, you've got three kids, and you can hear the exhaustion in Sandy's voice. Sandy, I appreciate you reaching out. I know this has had to weigh on you for a long time. And I agree with John. Having that boundary in place is going to be imperative.

But also having a grown folk conversation. And what that means is you sit down, the kids get to bed, you and your daughter sit down. I want you to have a heart-to-heart. I want you to talk about what you felt. And you've been hearing her story and hearing her but she needs to hear how you're feeling and more importantly i agree john there needs to be a plan of action and daughter's gonna probably respond with but hold on hold on you don't know what i've been through these weren't my fault that's right and and here's the deal if there's a criminal attorney involved maybe this

second husband was a bad dude, right? Maybe a total jerk, a bad dude. Gotcha. We are about to do some role play, John. I've been wanting to do this a long time. I'm going to be the daughter. Excellent. And you are Sandy.

And you are telling me that the law is going down. You're drawing a boundary. And I'm going to hit you with this phrase. Are you ready? Bring it. You ain't ready. I'm going to tell you anyway. I used to do theater in college.

You don't love me anymore. So I got two choices. I can curl up and say, all right, you can stay, but I'm really going to want you to get a job. Or I can say, I do love you, and I love those grandbabies. I love you and those grandbabies more than life itself. And so the most important thing I can do for you right now, the best way I can show you that I love you, is to tell you you got four months.

You got four months. I'm paying this last legal fee bill that I said I would do when I thought this was going to be a $2,000 deal. I said I would help. And now it's almost 25. It's going to be 30. You got four months. You're going to be a $2,000 deal, I said I would help. And now it's almost 25. I'm going to be 30. You've got four months. You're going to get a job. And you're welcome to come over here on Sundays for lunch.

I'm always going to make lunch for you. I'm always going to love you. I'm going to help you get a budget. I'm going to pay for FPU for you. I'm going to be a cheerleader for you. You can drop the kids off on Sundays so that you can get some rest and you can breathe. But the best thing I can do for you is to put you out of the nest. You've got to fly.

You've got to fly. That's strong, and I agree. And I was saying that because you know that manipulation is going to come at some point. And you know what Sandy needs? She needs a couple of women in her community there in Texas that she can go run and cry to after she has this hard conversation. Because it's going to be hard. Yeah.

And she's going to feel like she's abandoning her daughter and her grandkids. She's not. She's going to feel like she's breaking up with her family. She's not. Nope. She is, for the first time, saying,

young woman, you've made three children. You have made a life. You've got to go live it. I agree. Wow. So, once again, coming back to the whole mindset of have some people around you that you can be real with live it. I agree. Wow. So once again, coming back to the whole mindset of

have some people around you that you can be real with. Yep. Right. It's going to hurt Sandy. It's going to hurt Sandy. Oh, this is going to be uncomfortable. Yes.

It's an uncomfortable conversation, but it's necessary. Right. And Sandy, I think you will be better off in the end. And here's the deal. You're doing this not to your daughter. You're doing this for those grandbabies. And that's the deal. You're doing this not to your daughter. You're doing this for those

grandbabies. And that's a whole different mindset there. Thank you so much for reaching out and trusting us with your question. Okay, let's get to caller number four. On line four, we got Cheyenne on the line. Cheyenne, how can we help you? Hi, Chris. Hi, John. Thank you for taking my call. Oh, you're welcome. thank you for calling us how can we help um so i'm 21 years old and my husband and i are debt free and we're investing in our emergency fund right now okay um i have a little brother who will turn four in october am i allowed as his sister to begin a 529 savings plan for him and then turn ownership of it over to my parents once I put my own investment portion into it.

Huh. Are you a saint? They don't make people like you very often, Cheyenne. Why are you wanting to do this, Cheyenne? So I'm the eldest out of five kids now and my parents didn't save up for our college and I'm in college right now for cyber security and I'm cash flowing my way through that and it can be a little tough but I don't want that for my little baby brother. I want him to be able to go to college debt free and I want to help my parents out by just getting it started.

Because, you know, they have so much stuff going on in their own lives, and I feel like if I can just get it started for them, it'll be so much easier for them to keep it going once they know that it's just there for them to start putting money into it. Okay. Well, I love your heart. I agree with John. I love the heart and the passion. But I want to tell you this. You said right now you're in the process of saving up your emergency fund?

Yes, baby step three. Okay. And you're cash flowing your way through college, correct? Yes. Okay. So how much more do you have of college to go? I think I have about two to three years left. Okay. I would say the best gift you could give your younger brother is for you to continue to cash flow your way through college and then build up an emergency fund. Okay.

Down the road, yes, you can open up a 529. You won't have the restrictions that you would have with an ESA, an educational savings account, and you can open it up for your brother. Here's what I would say to do. You would open it up for your brother when you get ready, and you could also have your parents help them to open one up, and then you're doing what you do, right, and your parents are doing what they do. So they're going to focus, and you know you're going to have some money to be able to help

your little brother at some point. There's no reason to try to combine those or turn it over to them. You can make sure that you're in control of that money, and it will go to your younger brother for his education when the time comes. However, you're not there yet. See, following the baby steps, you're going to make sure that you would either, A, get yourself out of debt, build up an emergency fund. Then you would start to invest 15% and then save for college. So I love your heart and your passion. I think that's amazing.

But what I want you to do is keep stepping. And that means get through the baby steps. Put yourself in a position to be able to help down the road. So, Chris, my first impulse was this, number one. Yet again, I hope the country's hearing all is not lost. Every 21-year-old and 25-year-old and 30-year-old isn't playing video games in their mom's basement. There's a group of them out there kicking butt, working hard, trying to change this country for the better. Chris, my first impulse was Cheyenne could best help her little brother if she pays off everything.

She has no debt. She pays off a house. Yep. And then when little brother decides who he's going to do, if she's in a moment, then she doesn't have her own kids, she decides then she can write him a big fat check that she can cash flow. That's an option as well.

The money's not tied up. That's right. But she sounds like she's motivated. I just wanted her to get through the steps before she starts trying to help someone else. I love it. And so she's got options there. Cheyenne, I love your heart and your passion. Listen, I want to thank producer Zach Bennett. I want to thank associate producer Kelly Daniel. I want to thank all of you for tuning in and listening in.

And I even thank this guy, Dr. D, for hanging out with me. This has been The Dave Ramsey Show. Hey, it's Kelly, associate producer and phone screener for The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but if you heard about an event, product, or service and didn't have a chance to write it down, don't worry. We list everything you've heard about during this episode in the podcast show notes section or head over to DaveRamsey.com and click Dave Recommends. Thanks for listening.