The Ramsey Show - App - When Your Money Priorities Aren't Aligned, Your Marriage Isn't Aligned (Hour 2)

Episode Date: October 4, 2019

Debt, Budgeting, Retirement, Home Selling Tools to get you started: Debt Calculator: http://bit.ly/2QIoSPV Insurance Coverage Checkup: http://bit.ly/2BrqEuo Complete Guide to Budgeting: http://bit.ly/2QEyonc Interview Guide: http://bit.ly/2BuGnZE Check out other podcasts in the Ramsey Network: http://bit.ly/2JgzaQR

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studios, it's the Dave Ramsey Show, where debt is done, cash is king, and the paid-off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice. I am Dave Ramsey, your host. This is your show. Thank you for joining us. Open phones at 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225.

Amber is with us in Washington, D.C. Hey, Amber, how are you? Hi, Dave. Hi, what's up? Hi, Dave. Hi, what's up? Hi, I hope you're doing well. So here's my dilemma. I live in the Washington, D.C. metropolitan area. So every year the real estate market is just getting more and more competitive.

People are coming here because jobs are here, you know, for global attraction. So year over year, I'm watching the real estate market and the prices get higher and higher and higher. So I moved back in with my parents last year to try to pay off a lot of my debt, which is student loan debt. Good. So I can be able to afford, yes, I can afford one of these new construction homes within one of these ideal areas next to the metro. And they're just continuing to build and build and build, and the numbers are going higher and higher and higher. I'm about $50,000 total in debt right now. That's my student loans, car loan, and credit cards, all $50,000. So I'm just trying to figure out, like, if I were to go and jump into, which would probably

not be a good idea right now, but I'm feeling anxious to go get a property, and because I know that the market is going to continue to go up, right now I would be house poor if I know that the market is going to continue to go up. Right now I would be house poor if I did that. You need a new job at the Chamber of Commerce for the Washington, D.C. area because you're more sold on it than anybody else on the planet. Okay. You've just gone on and on and on like you're freaking living in Tokyo or something. I mean, yeah, Washington, D.C. is going up, and it's going up in value and in cost,

but so is every other city in America. And so this is not an unusual situation. And buying a home when you live at home with $50,000 in personal debt and you're in your 20s would be insanity. You're going to get yourself in a real set of trouble. And this is happening because you're basically basing this on this fear of prices going up and it's making you really start to talk and think illogically you're going to get yourself in real trouble i've been buying real

estate a long time i'm 58 years old i bought my first piece when i was 20 and so you know you for 40 years i've seen the same exact thing happen over and over and over. Real estate goes up, real estate goes up, real estate goes up. And you know what? You're still going to be able to buy a house. You're still going to get you a house, but don't let your house get you. How much do you owe on your car? Okay. How much do you owe on your car? About $20,000. And what do you make a year? On my car. What do you make a year?

$70,000. $70,000. $70,000. Yeah, if I were in your shoes, I'd get me a $3,000 car and get out of debt that much faster. Half of your debt is a car. Yes. And that's keeping you from getting a house. And I'd a lot rather own a house than a car.

If I could live in one of those houses you're describing and I were you and I was debt-free and I had my emergency fund in place and there was a $3,000 car in the driveway, I'd be happy as a bug in a rug. That's a good place to start right there. And then save up and buy you a little better car for cash after you get in there. But I'm putting my financial energies on things that go up in value and getting towards that by being debt-free, having your emergency fund in place, and then having a good down payment. I don't want to put my financial energies toward paying off that stupid car. It's just a car.

And don't tell me how you need a good car. I know you need a good car. $3,000 car will get you there, and it's keeping you from getting your house, at least doing it intelligently. Nathan's with us in Atlanta, Georgia. Hi, Nathan. How are you? Hey, Dave.

How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? All right. So just listening to your show for about two months now, I'm 30 years old. I've got $19,000 worth of debt, and just listening to everybody do their debt-free scream, it's time for me to get my acting gear. So I'm just trying to, I want to not stress about this anymore. The three biggest ones that are stressing me right now is debt with the IRS, student loan debt, and a credit card debt from Bank of America

that I'm getting sued over. Why are you getting sued? Just wasn't working and wasn't able to pay. Oh, are you getting sued? Just wasn't working and wasn't able to pay. Oh, are you working now? Yes, sir. What's your income now, household income? About $30,000 a year. What do you do?

I'm an EMT. Okay, cool, good. Well, that's rewarding work, but it's not financially rewarding. Obviously, you get to help people and save lives and everything else, and that's a good thing. And you're 30 years old. What can we do to get your income up? I'm going to have to take a second job.

After I get out of all this debt, I'd like to go back to school for nursing. Ah, there we go. That's probably for later down the road. Okay, I like that plan. So can an EMT, are there good EMT side jobs that you can use your certification and make good money on a side job? Not good money, but it definitely, you know, extra income. But I mean, it'd be better than delivering pizza, right? Yes, sir. Better money, I mean, it would be better than delivering pizza, right? Yes, sir. Better money, I mean.

Yes. Okay. I mean, could you make $1,500 a month as a part-time job? You probably could, couldn't you? Yeah. How much do you owe Bank of America? Around $3,600. Yeah.

So I had... So here's the thing. Around $3,600. So I had... So here's the thing. They'll go away in two months if you made $1,500 a month and gave them everything, right? Right. Yeah, so I think we get your income up. Are you single? Yes, sir.

Good. You don't have to tell anybody else what to do except you now. And you can work all the time now. Nobody gripe about it. So I just want you to work like a maniac. Like, let's double our hours for a short period of time. Because here's the thing, man. I mean, $19,000 changes your life.

$19,000 changes your whole life, doesn't it? Yes, sir. Because you'd be sitting here making money thinking about nursing school instead of being sued by bank of america i hate them so this is great man i mean the bad news is you got a problem the good news is you can fix it fast i predict you are 100 debt free in less than a year. But you're going to have no life during that year because all you do is work and pay debt. And you never go out.

And you never buy anything. And anything you've got that's expensive and nice, if it's not a family heirloom, you sell it. We're getting out of debt fast. Lean into it. Knock it out. Bank of America, ugh. They're first on the list those people i mentioned i don't like them yeah but thirty six hundred dollars makes all this stress go away

isn't that neat and nineteen thousand makes it all go away hold on i'm gonna send you a copy of the book the total money makeover it's gonna show you exactly how to do this you call me if you need more help, brother. Folks, let's cut through the bull. Interest rates are exceptionally low, so you're missing out if you have not called Churchill Mortgage to see if you can save money on your home loan. Lots of other companies are out there claiming great deals, but don't get lured by slick advertisements. No-cost refinance offers do not mean they're free. Churchill Mortgage has a no-bull refinance.

This means there are no hidden fees. They will shoot straight with you. Yes, Churchill can offer loans with no closing costs, different down payment options, or, of course, a traditional refinance. The key difference is you can trust my friends at Churchill to let you know what you're getting up front so you can make the smartest choice and save the most money. Go to ChurchillMortgage.com. Do it today while rates are low. This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591. NMLSconsumeraccess.org, Equal Housing Lender, 761 Old Hickory Boulevard, Brentwood, Tennessee, 37027. Thanks for joining us, America. This is the Dave Ramsey Show.

Open phones at 888-825-5225. Jonathan is with us in Los Angeles. Hey, Jonathan, welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Mr. Ramsey. Thank you for having me. Sure. What's up? Okay, I'm going to try to get to the point as fast as I can.

I called you back in January about a $1.8 million inheritance, asking you how I should handle that. And you told me how to go slow and take my time and be patient with it. And it was very helpful. But now I'm having another problem. So basically, since then, I bought a house, remodeled it, Airbnb. I'm making a lot of money, about $15,000 a month. Gross. Yeah, about $15,000 a month, and I'm just blowing through that. I have a crazy sex addiction.

I'm spending just insane amounts of money, about $10,000 a month on prostitutes and strip clubs and from therapy, all the above. And I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. I go to sex addicts anonymous. Um, and I, I, I want to know what you would do in this situation. I've done well. I spent about half that money on buying the house and I'm Airbnb-ing it now and I'm doing well with that. I've done that since then. It's been a long project that I finished but I don't know what to do about this, how I should handle it, anything else that you would try that I haven't. How old are you? I'm 20.

Okay. All right. And the inheritance came from who passed away? So my dad passed away about two years ago. He was in a missing plane. And I might be coming into a lot more money because I fell the wrongful death situation. It's a long story what about your mom my mom she's out of the picture of the divorce i barely talked to her um i she yeah so she's out of the picture well i as you know jonathan i'm not a therapist i'm not a

trained counselor um i have worked with addicts for 30 years because 100% of the addicts end up broke if they don't heal their addiction and so you are going to destroy your legacy, your dad's legacy with the money that was left to you and you're going to destroy all your future dreams that this money represents

if you don't get the help and heed the help and fight to win against the addiction. Sex addictions and pornography addictions are the fastest-growing addictions in America today. We see that in our offices with financial trouble, people in your situation more than any other addiction. We still see cocaine. We still see, and we don't treat for that, but we end up helping them with their finances. We still see alcohol. But gambling and sex are both just, the pornography has gone crazy because of the Internet.

The access and it's affecting every part of our lives in good ways and bad ways. But the access in this case is causing excess and gets people in real trouble with gambling, porn, sex addictions. So you named off a couple of the right things, and that's getting in SA, getting in an anonymous group, getting in with a therapist is the second thing I would do. The third thing I would do is it sounds to me like just a guy talking to a young guy, an old guy talking to a young guy, that all of your family structure has gone. It's just you didn't have it with your mom, and then your dad died. And so you're just left without any authority structure as a 20-year-old young guy. There's nobody in your life kind of standing over your shoulder that's going to thump you when you screw up your life yeah i i do have uh some family on my dad's

side that i'm actually um good with but they know what's going on no so uh yeah there were i had some problems going on like over a year ago of like aside from this just uh and i i never and whenever i tried to get close to them they kind of they were like excuse me from this, just, and I never, and whenever I tried to get close to them, they kind of, they were like, excuse me, oh, you're just being a victim on this, and I never kind of trusted being okay with them. So I just kind of put off the illusion that I'm okay, everything's good. That's fine. So they're no help is what you're saying.

They're no help, but they're good, but they're just, yeah, they're no help. Well, I know that all behaviors obviously have psychology involved. As a person of faith, as a Christian, I also believe behaviors are spiritual. And so to treat something like this only as a psychological thing is usually a half treatment. To treat it only like it's a spiritual thing might very well be a half treatment. To treat it only like it's a spiritual thing might very well be a half treatment. But there's something that you're obviously searching for, and there's something that you're missing that's causing you to literally go crazy in this part of your life, right? Yeah, I think it's like I'm just beyond lonely.

I don't know if it's that, but I don't know. Honestly, I think that's probably right. That doesn't sound wrong. I can I can resonate with that. I can imagine you being there in that situation. It's amazing. You can be in one of the largest cities in the world and be lonely, you know, but you can be. It's very, very real. So the last component i would add to it um and you're asking me so you always get my opinion when you're asking me and that i'm an expert on my opinion so uh what i would tell you to do is find a great church and we'll help you do that. And sit down and get pastoral counseling to go with your other counseling. Get with some young guys in that church and become friends with some people who have some character,

have some integrity, and that are walking a straight line. Not perfect. There isn't any perfect people over there at that church, I can tell you, because the church has got people in them, so you can find that out pretty quick. But you will find people that are – You go to synagogue. Oh, you're Jewish. Okay, cool.

That's perfect. Then let's get with a rabbi, dude. Let's get the spiritual element of this going, because there's an aspect of that that goes with this. And if that's your heritage and that's your faith, then wonderful, because the talmud has a lot to say about the issues that you're dealing with um a lot and um so yeah i that's the only thing i know how to tell you to do because i can't just yell at you stop it or

you would have already stopped it i mean you're smart guy you've already realized this is ruining your life and um you know that. I know that. But the nature of an addiction is, and you're finding this from the 12 steps, is that one of the things is you realize you're powerless. And, you know, God has to step in. And I've got to put some structures in my life. And I've got to, you know, figure out, do some careful self-analysis and say,

well, loneliness is the issue so how do I fix loneliness well obviously I'm fixing it inappropriately and so how do I fix it with more wisdom and that would be hanging out with good people that are lifting you up obviously not hanging out with

paid friends which doesn't work for anybody whatever version of paid friends you have and't work for anybody, whatever version of paid friends you have. And yours is one of the more gross. So but that's, you know, that's the only thing I know how to tell you. I would make sure I'd really lean into getting a group of people around me that I can trust. And if there's a group of people that are working on a social project that is worthy,

and you could get with a bunch of young men doing that, and you had some good guys around you, then that's very important. I've got a group of guys I get with once a month. I was with them last night, as a matter of fact, and I'm 58. That group of guys got all our sons together that are in their 20s the other day, and we all encouraged them, and they all agreed that they need a group of guys. You need what my friend Steven Mansfield calls a band of brothers in your life to walk with you in these situations.

So, man, I'm just a guy. I don't know how to help you. I'll pray for you. I'll tell you that. And hold on. I'll have Laura pick up. We're going to send you a copy of Mansfield's book. He's got a lot to say about this kind of stuff in that book, Mansfield's Manly Men or whatever it's called.

And good book. And you need some guys around you, dude. That's what I'm thinking. And you need some spiritual wealth added as a component to this. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, Chris and Morgan are with us. Hey, guys. How are you? Hi.

Fantastic. Good to have you guys. I can't believe I'm here. Well, we're glad you're here. Where do you guys live? Oklahoma City. And all the way to Nashville to do a debt-free screen. For sure.

Now, Kelly was telling me at the break that you guys are like media stars now. We are. No. We're a big deal. We're a big deal. Yeah. And like Good Morning America to do the debt-free screen. Well, you didn't get to do the debt-free screen, but they talked about your debt-free story. Yeah, they reached out to us, and we just thought if we can just inspire people to do it

and that you're not hopeless and it's possible and average people like us can do it, anyone can do it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, good. Well done. Well done. I remember seeing that. I think I retweeted the hit or something on there.

Yeah, you did. I was trending for a while. Yeah. That's wild. Very done. Well done. I remember seeing that. I think I retweeted the hit or something on there. Yeah, you did. I was trending for a while. Yeah. Very cool. Very cool. Well, congratulations, John. Thank you. Thanks.

It's a great story. Great story. I'm glad we had a part in it and guiding you along. Good morning, America. I left that part out. Yeah, I was really disappointed. I was like, I'm letting Dave down. I'm really disappointed.

Who knew that they had editors up there? For sure. That's funny. It's okay. We're proud for y'all. Well done. How much have you paid off? We paid off almost $123,742 in one penny.

One cent. Got it. And how long did this take? Well, it took six years, but three years when we really started following your plan. We are finally on the same page at that point, so we were a little faster then. Yeah, I was dragging my feet. Got it. And your range of income during that time?

Well, we were broke. 20, like 25. Yeah, like 25,000, and we just accepted new jobs, and right now we're making 125. Woo! What do you all do for a living? I work for an advertising agency in Oklahoma City. And then I'm the store manager at the Coach Store in Oklahoma City. Very cool.

So I know your wife likes handbags, so tell her to come see me. Yeah, she's got a pretty good collection. She deserves anything she gets after putting up with me. So well done, you guys. Thank you. You're killing it. How long have you two been married? Seven years.

All right. So a year into marriage, you start, but then three years later, you kick it into high gear. For sure. Tell me about the journey. What happened and show other people how it's done. Right after we graduated, we had so much in school debt, and we just said, we need to get rid of this. And I grew up in a single-family home, and my mom worked really, really hard. And so I wanted to say I want to take every advantage that we have and get everything in line and be successful early on. And I felt entitled, like I deserved a Jeep Wrangler and I worked too hard.

And so we really were fighting and I just felt entitled. I was acting like a little boy and I needed to become a man. And I just, she deserved better. And I just had to, you know, let my pride down. So what happened? What was the breaking point? What kicked it into gear? Because obviously you flipped, and obviously the way she looked at you just then when you said that was admiration and respect.

And it was really the way every man wants his wife to look at them. What she just did was incredible. So tell me about that what happened well i mean we just argued a lot and we wanted to have a very healthy and happy marriage and i just remember standing in the kitchen three years ago and he held my face in his hands and he was like we are going to get rid of this and i think um we just finally got on the same page and felt like we were connecting because you mention a lot that when your priorities aren't aligned in your budget, your priorities aren't aligned in your marriage.

And so for us, that was kind of just something that was really important. Yeah. And I just, I didn't have any hope. I didn't think we could do it. What flipped, Chris? Because you grab her face.

We got this. We're going to do this. What happened? I just, I think I just didn't want to hurt her anymore. I was hurting her. I love her so much. I just don't want to. It just wasn't fair to her.

And I was the one who was spending money and going out to eat and doing whatever I wanted to do. And I was hearing, you're not important. Yeah. But we finally were like, you're the most important thing, and we need to get our finances in line and be on the same page in our life moving forward. And so at that point, it's game on. Yeah.

And what kind of income were you making at that point three years ago? I think between about 80. Okay, so you still come up from 80 to 125 during that three years. Very impressive. Very cool. So then, okay So you've still come up from 80 to 125 during that three years. Yeah. Very impressive. Very cool. So then, okay, you've made the decision. We're on the same page. Then what happened?

Make a budget. And it kind of, it was, I felt constricted at first, and then I kept listening to your radio show, and it's like, it almost like gave me permission to spend money. And I felt safe to spend money. It wasn't like, oh, this is going to cost me a night on the couch or whatever. It just felt like, okay, we're on the same page. And I felt safe to spend money. It wasn't like, oh, this is going to cost me a night on the couch or whatever. It just felt like, okay, we're on the same page. And I felt us connecting more. And I found us happier.

And I was like, you know what? Stuff doesn't make me happy anymore. And I don't need a Jeep Wrangler. I don't need new clothes. And I don't need to go out to eat. I'm just happy. This is more important than anything else. And winning.

Yeah. You're getting traction. Yeah. And then I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. You can get adrenaline rush off the traction. For sure. We did. I was like, we can do this.

And I'm like, okay, we're going to throw the kitchen sink. I'm selling stuff. I don't care what kind of car I drive. Whoa. Yeah. Is Wrangler gone? Oh, we never got it. I was just begging for it.

Oh, you wanted it. You didn't have it. Oh, okay. No, I drive a piece of crap now. You deserved it, but you never got it. I got you. We'll pay for cash for it. Absolutely. You'll get one. No question about it. Well done, you you never got it. I got you. We'll pay for cash for it. Absolutely.

You'll get one. No question about it. Well done, you guys. Thank you. So what is the key to getting out of debt? Say no. Oh, man, yes. Say no. I mean, it was hard to say no to our friends, you know, to go out and eat or to go do fun things, go to concerts or whatever.

And we just had to say no a lot. And, you know, that was hard. I mean, and for me, I was like, I have to believe we can do this. I mean, once I did, I was like, oh, we're going to knock this out. Oh, and the main thing, too, is like I got angry at our dad. I was so mad. I was like, I'm so tired of Sally Mae living in our living room. I'm tired of talking about it.

We don't talk about student loans unless we laugh at them now. Like that was a thing in the past. Wave at her's sitting on the curb yeah kicked her out yeah it's wild that's very cool yeah it feels like we've got a raise like i mean even more of a raise than we just got so it's just there is something about getting angry about it there really is yeah just so and morgan you said it was what what was the key you said i I was saying no. You were saying no. So I was going to ask you, the person that comes on Twitter, probably at y'all even, because after the story that was done on you, but certainly comes at me and says, well, I want to live my life now. I need to say yes.

I'm young. I might die tomorrow. I need to say yes now because I might not be able to say yes later. And your response to that, how do you answer that? How do you answer that voice in your own head that says the same thing? Well, it's really, I mean, you feel like you're saying no, but you're saying yes. You know, like you're saying yes to early retirement. You're saying yes to a successful future.

So it's not restricting yourself. It's a good thing to do. I don't know. I tried to think about it differently. You're living like no one else so later you can live and give like no one else. I'm driving like no one else, so I can drive like no one else. There you go. What are you driving right now?

Oh, man. I'm embarrassed to say, but I'm okay with it. It's a 2003 Honda Element with hail damage, a busted bumper. Broken windshield. Broken windshield. Oh, the back doesn't work. Yeah, I can't open the back tailgate, but it gets me there. I don't mean to.

I love this car. Have you named it? Ellie. It's just the easiest. Ellie. Ellie. The L. open the back tailgate but i mean it gets me there i love this car have you named it ellie ellie ellie poor l poor l's gotta go she won't die poor l's gotta go we're gonna have to save up some money and get l get l replaced yeah you can say you can give her to sally may and tell her to drive off oh my gosh poor l a busted tailgate. It's terrible. That's something. That's fun. You guys are great. So how did you connect to us? A radio show?

Oh, I actually took your class in high school, and I was like, he's crazy. I hate Dave. I'm not doing that. Not doing that. I'm even mad at the teacher that played the video. It was one of the only classes that stuck. I don't remember anything else. I remember how much I hated him, but I remember everything he said.

Yeah, i was like oh he's right i don't want him to be right but your parents did it in their 40s yeah they they learned late and they're like oh my gosh if you guys can do this now you're gonna be set for life and i just remember thinking okay this is just so i can create a legacy and that's now i'm starting to think of legacy like creating um changing my family tree forever and being a man or grandpa or husband, dad. We don't have any kids, but that's just the plan now. You're the guy that changed it all. Yeah.

That's fun. Exactly. That's a real legacy. Well done, you guys. We've got a copy of Chris Hogan's book for you. Oh, thank you. Retire Inspired. Who was your biggest cheerleader?

Honestly, you. I know. I listen to your radio show. You've got this. You can do it. That's the answer. No, I mean in your life. Who was in your radio show. Like, you got this. You can do it. That's the answer. I mean, in your life. Who was in your life?

Our parents. Okay. They just kept saying how proud they were of us. That's so cool. That's the way it should be. We're proud of you, too. Thank you. And thanks for going on Good Morning America and Inspiring America.

Very well done. Chris and Morgan, Oklahoma City. 124,000 paid off in six years. Most of it in the last three. Making $25,000 up to $125,000. But real transformation. Good stuff. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream.

Three, two, one. We're debt-free! We're debt-free! And now it's official. Well done, you two. Wow, how great is that? This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. They have a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

That means even if you mismeasure or you pick the wrong color, they'll remake your blinds for free. They have site-wide savings happening right now. Plus, you can take an additional 5% off at blinds.com slash Ramsey. Blinds.com slash Ramsey. Christy is in Ohio. Dave, I'm working on Baby Step number one, and I work for a local community college that takes out a mandatory 20% into retirement.

I know that all contributions should be stopped until debt is paid. Any thoughts on this type of a system that my college has in place? It feels like so much money is being taken out of every check to go into retirement. It is a lot. That is a lot. And the fact that it's mandatory, man, that's amazing. I mean, I know a few places that have a 12 percent. Some of the railroad situations have that that kind of thing.

Twenty percent. That's unusual and it's unusually high. But it's you know, you took the job. That's what you signed up for. So you just have to decide, you know, are you willing to work there? And if you are, then obviously you're not losing the money. It's going into retirement of some kind. I don't know the structure of the retirement account, but it's a lot.

But it's not the end of the world because at least it's not a tax. It's money that's actually going there for your use someday. Michelle is in Los Angeles. Hi, Michelle. Welcome to the Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, Dave. It's great to talk to you. You too. How can I help? Thank you so much for, first of all, being a smart dad that a lot of us never had. I listen to you all the time, and I think, gosh, I missed out on so many great things with my father. So thank you again. You're very kind. How can I help?

So my question is this. I have five young nephews, and rather than loading them up with a ton of gifts during their birthdays and Christmas every year, I've set up custodial accounts for each of them that are invested in a S&P 500 fund. I'm just not sure. Is that the best option? Yep. Do you have any advice? Yep. That's about all you can do.

The custodial account is, I assume you're the custodian? Yes. Okay. And so the money is in their name. It's called a Uniform Transfer to Minors Act, and they will become the owner of it regardless of what you want at age 21. The taxes on it are at their tax rate, which is none for a long time until the accounts get to have sufficient size or substantial size.

So it's a good way to do it. The only other thing you could do would be for those to be 529 accounts or ESA accounts if the parents aren't putting anything aside for college and then it would be designated for college um this is not designated for college it's just you're building a mutual fund in the kid name that's all you're doing and you know all that so um yeah you know obviously you made the decisions for those reasons you can control it you're the custodian um and um you know uh you know what i would do is start as they age trying to have some influential conversations with their parents present on the amount of money it's here so that um kids do well if you ease them better if you ease them into this information rather than,

you're 21, you have $200,000, congratulations, which activates all the stupid cells in their brain usually. But if instead you ease them into it and explain to them this is not a gift, this is a responsibility, it is a gift, but with that comes the responsibility of you the young person being wise and my intention is that you use it for education or that you use it for something smart um not a trip around the world in a hot air balloon or something right correct and their parents are are dave ramsey fans so they're already down the path of teaching their kids well so okay

that makes it easy then but you know let's let's say there's 20 000 bucks in there and you're dealing with a 12 year old someday then you know you can start having some conversations uh every couple of years over uh you know over a cup of tea with them and their parents sitting there and you know this is a gift i've done for you guys here's why i did it i want you to be able to do this kind of thing for your nephews and nieces when you grow up. And here's some ideas and things you could do with this. Here's my intent. Here's my wishes.

It's technically your money. But I'm going to have some influence on you during this 12-year-old to 21-year-old period of time by having conversations, assuming that's appropriate with relationships with the parents and those kinds of things. So, hey, good question. Beautifully done. It's a good idea. April is with us in Wilmington, North Carolina.

Hi, April. How are you? Hi, Dave. I'm great, thanks. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? My basic question for you is, should I sell my home to pay off debt?

My husband and I started the FPU in January. We're currently in Baby Step 2. We bought our home before we heard of Dave Ramsey. How much is your house payment? Our house payment is about $2,900. And what's your take-home pay a month? $15,400. Okay.

Good. All right. What do you guys do for a living? We are both nurse anesthetists. Very good. Excellent job. Excellent job. Do you like your house?

Thank you. We do like our house. No, I would not sell it. um no i would not sell it no i would not i would not sell it no we have 196 000 in our mortgage debt that we're just trying to get out from under and the reason that we but you're making 200 a year house yeah well i don't want to work anymore. I want to raise my baby. Or at least work very part-time. You're a nurse anesthetist. You went to all that expense and you're going to quit.

Well, I would just work part-time while they're little, and then I would go back to full-time work when they're older. And how many do you have? Two. Okay. All right. So your idea, your tradeoff is I'll live in a smaller house if I can stay home and work part-time. Correct.

Okay. Okay. If you want to do that, that's fine. That's different than I need to sell my house to get out of debt because you don't. You both have careers that you're currently making $200,000, and if you turned up the heat, you could get that to $300,000 pretty quick if you both did that. I mean, I'm talking overtimes and weekends and picking up emergency room gigs and all that.

You know what I'm talking about. You are in a career that is a money-making machine and you got a lot of debt so if you decide to go the other way and say we're going to keep the house and we're going to turn the heat up completely and i mean we're both going to work like crazy like 60 80 hours whatever is allowed right and we're just going to go bananas and we're going to go to 300 and we're going to knock this debt off in two years and then we're going to go bananas, and we're going to go to 300, and we're going to knock this debt off in two years, and then we're going to go on with our life. And then I can stay home and keep the house. You could do that, too. That would kind of be a more normal process.

But I'm okay if you want to go the other way and say, all right, we're going to cut the income down. He's going to turn up the heat. I'm going to stay home, work part-time, and we're going to be in a cheaper house, like a house that the payment is half of this. Right. And then move back up in house later you know but obviously keep all your boards and all your uh certs and everything current because you paid a lot of money to get a money making machine of a career and i would never want you to lose that i mean you guys can make more money than a lot of docs you're aware of that right yes yeah i mean it's i we met i've met with nurse anesthetists

for years and i mean i've seen them make 400 um you know after a few years of experience and get in the right gig and all that and then turn up the heat so you're sitting in a position seriously i mean you got a little combine there you can just bail you some money but uh but it's okay if you're going to choose kids that there's nothing wrong with that and and you know it's a good choice kids kids should come before money i'm with you on that right so um yeah you're just gonna you're you know you're gonna drop the house and drop your income and down and he's gonna turn his income up and we're still gonna be on beans and rice rice and beans and get the 196

paid off because i assume that's med school right um a hundred is and then well a little over 100 is and the rest is just life uh how much of that life is cars? That in life is two cars with a total combined payment of about a thousand a month. Oh, sell your cars. There's what you ought to do. If you want to sell something, sell your stupid cars. That's a lot smarter

than selling a house. You're a car poor. Okay, now we got to the bottom of it. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. Did you know you can now listen to The Dave Ramsey Show on Pandora and Spotify? For all the ways to watch and listen, check out our show page at DaveRamsey.com slash show.