The Ramsey Show - App - Wife Feels Anxious About Draining Our Savings

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

George Kamel & Dr. John Delony discuss: Determining the next goal in your financial journey, What to do when your parents are pressuring you to build credit, Why the right kind of life insurance is essential (and not a scam). Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3nInETX Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life, your money, your relationships, your mental health, right in front of you. That's what we're here for. I'm George Campbell, joined today by Dr. John Deloney. Open phones this hour, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Ryan's kicking off this hour. He's in Cleveland, Ohio. Ryan, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Thank you. How are you?

Great. How can we help? So this is a pretty open-ended question, but I'm trying to figure out how I decide my next financial goal. And I guess more specifically, how do I change or maybe pause my investing to achieve whatever goal that might be? Wow. Okay, so you're pretty familiar with the baby steps, I assume. Yes. I've read through the book, and I'm vaguely familiar with them, but it's been a little while, honestly. So what are your goals, man? What are you trying to accomplish? So that's the hard part because I'm very, very fortunate right now to have no debt. I have a

pretty good income for, I mean, I'm 23 fresh out of college. And right now I've just been focusing on investing for retirement. So I've maxed out my Roth already this year. And now I just have income to put towards something. And it feels wrong to not just invest all of it. But at the same time, like I might be considering getting a home at some point. So there's a down payment to consider. I'm not really sure.

Okay. What's your income? It's most likely going to be somewhere between about 60 and 80 this next year for 2022. Okay. Free tax. Do you have an emergency fund in place of three to six months of expenses? Yeah, I've got 7,500 saved up for my emergency funds. Great. And how much are you investing percentage-wise right now? You said you're maxing out the Roth, so I assume not quite 15%. Yeah, I've looked at the last few months and it's come to more close to about 30 to 33%. Of your income is what you're investing?

Yeah, I believe so. Unless my numbers are wrong, but yeah, I believe so. Okay. Well, once you max out that Roth, that puts you at 6,000? Yes. Yep. So I hit 6,000 last month with my Roth. Which is about 10% of your income, but it sounds like you're kind of front-loading. You're putting a lot of money from each paycheck right now, but once you max that out, what are your other retirement investment options? Do you have one through your employer? I don't have any 401k options. I work with a small business, so I don't really have any other retirement options unless I open up like a traditional Roth or something like that as far as I'm aware of. Well, there's no traditional Roth.

It's a traditional IRA or a Roth IRA. Traditional IRA, correct. Okay. Well, if you max out the Roth, that's going to be it for the year on the IRA side. But there are other options, taxable brokerage accounts, things like that, where they won't be tax-advantaged, but you can invest and pay taxes on it when you take it out. So as far as financial goals, you told me you want to get a house. And so my next goal, if I'm in your shoes, debt-free with an emergency fund,

is getting a big house down payment saved. Yeah. Now, I guess I'm struggling with how do I save up a down payment and adjust my investment strategy for that? Because I guess I kind of view it as I could always just throw a bunch of money into a brokerage fund and choose a safe-ish investment, and then when I buy a house, I buy a house with that money. But, of course, there's always risk with investments. So it's much less down. Well, when it comes to that kind of risk, I like a longer time horizon. So if you're saying,

hey, I don't need a house in the next year or two, I'm looking at three, five years from now, then I'm okay with you putting some money into those types of accounts to invest because you can ride that out. And if you have patience and you don't have a level of urgency, then you're going to be okay. And your investments will grow, who knows with this market, but you can grow 8%, 9%, 10%, 11% if the market gets back up to where it was. Right, right. Okay. So that's what I'd be doing in your shoes. Just start investing 15% of every paycheck into whatever options you have right now. It sounds like the Roth IRA is your best option. Beyond that, you're not going to have

a ton because you don't have an employer retirement plan, but you can invest in a taxable brokerage account, maybe in some index funds and park the money there as you save up for the house. And Ryan, can I give you one more little nugget to put in your back pocket? Please do. You can do three things with money you can save it you can spend it or you can give it make sure you're planning for the future you're doing a great you're you are so far ahead of 95 people we talk to me included okay you're way down the road um it took me about 15 or 20 years to get to the financial position you're in okay but make sure you enjoy your life you're 23 okay go have fun go to a concert hang out with

people go somewhere right you know see i'm saying enjoy some of that money and start a start a habit start a an identity of generosity. Once a week, once a month, tip somebody out of their mind. Give to your local church if you go to one. Find ways that you can invest and give back to your local community. Make that a part of who you are.

That's one of those legacy shifting. You'll change your family tree with the spirit behind which you deal with your money. Thank you so much. I appreciate the advice. you'll change your family tree with the spirit behind which you deal with your money. Okay? Yeah. Thank you so much. I appreciate the advice. You got it, my brother. Yeah. Thanks for the call.

Great reminder there, John. You know, a lot of young people out there, they're very focused on investing. And I love that young people are even excited about this. It's so cool. But to your point, we can get so far down the rabbit hole of what the next big investment is and the get-rich-quick scheme in crypto and NFTs and we forget to just live our lives. What I love about our plan is we say invest 15% and you'll be a millionaire. If you do that consistently over a long period of time. Pay your house off.

Not invest every single dime you can and not spend a dime and don't do anything else. You got to live your life. There's other things along the journey that you've got to be thinking about. And when it comes to investing, I invest. you know, I love I love talking about money. I love financial topics. But we also need to loop on the story that this is all going away and this is finite and so i'm having to work hard in a season like you know we're in a season of blessing right now hey yes we're trying to crush the the house mortgage we're trying to do this

take your wife on a 20th anniversary good god dude what do you do right buy a car that runs right and so i have to talk to myself and let myself know, hey, we're following the principles. We're okay. How do you balance that mentality? Because there's one side that says, YOLO, we're going to live forever. We'll figure it out later. Let's just do what we want right now. And there's another side that is the, this is all going to come crumbling down tomorrow.

I think there's two. It depends on what side of the coin you're on. If you owe somebody else money, that's an emergency. It's a danger. Will Robinson, you is not time for YOLO. It is time to stop everything and get that done. When you get to zero, you owe nobody anything. You have an emergency fund. So not if, but when the things go wrong, you, you are able to deal with it. That's when you have to exhale and say, tell yourself, and you have to practice this, not in danger anymore. Now it's about giving.

It's about living. It's about saving. It's about planning. It's about looking at that beautiful wife and saying, hey, let's go do something fun. It's about looking at that guy who looks like he's rubbing two pennies together to eat that meal. I got this for you, my brother, right? You're able to live a different kind of life because you're not running for your life anymore.

Ooh, mic drop moment there. Good stuff. More of the Ramsey Show coming up. Give us a call, 888-825-5225. hey small business owners you know what usually causes small businesses to fail poor accounting yep you heard me, and not managing your books well often leads to not paying your quarterly income taxes. I don't want that to happen to you. In fact, I want you to be able to focus on what you love and let a pro worry about the tax code changes. That's why I recommend small business owners work with a tax professional like our

endorsed local providers or ELPs. They're some of the most qualified tax pros in the nation. My team has vetted them and they're Ramsey trusted. That means they're committed to excellence. They want to see you win and they can help you minimize your tax liability, which means you keep more money for your business. To find a Ramsey-trusted tax pro near you, go to ramseysolutions.com slash taxpro. That's ramseysolutions.com slash taxpro. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined today by Dr. John Deloney, and we are taking your calls. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined today by Dr. John Deloney,

and we are taking your calls. John, we're about to head back out on the road. It's been a dry spell. We have not been in front of a lot of people, and I'm super pumped that we are headed to Dallas, Texas, your home state. Saturday, October 22nd, a jam-packed arena filled with people ready to experience what it means to live life to the fullest. This is all of the Ramsey personalities together on stage. We're like the Power Rangers, but cooler somehow.

I'm going to strongly disagree. You do run around with spandex a lot backstage. My skinny jeans have been considered spandex scientifically. You are the denim Power Ranger. Aside from that, we are going to empower you with tools and principles to create unstoppable momentum in your life. The event is Smart Conference, and we are super pumped. That's Saturday, October 22nd. It's been three years since we've done this event, and we're pumped to bring it back. Headlining speakers include myself, Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruz, Dr. John Deloney, Ken Coleman, and Christina Ellis. Plus, we've got

special guests Craig and Amy Groeschel from Life.Church. They're going to be joining us talking about marriage. You don't want to miss this. This is just one packed day. We're going eight to five, drinking from the fire hydrant, practical advice from leading experts on money, personal growth, leadership, mental health, career. And this is not just a pep talk. You're not just going to learn things. We're going to have a great time. Tickets start at just $39. Full day event for $39. If anybody's worried, we actually will not be drinking from the fire hydrant, but from the hose. Maybe both.

We don't know yet. Nope. Probably not. Probably not. And another thing, this is a throwback to another segment we did earlier, we will not be leaving Smart Conference to attend yet another dog wedding in Dallas, Texas. No puppuccino bar. Nope. Good to know. There will not be.

Well, if you want to see John shame me publicly on stage, come join us for Smart Conference, October 22nd, full day on a Saturday. Man, it really is. It's my favorite event that we do. If there's people in your life, you want to introduce them to the Ramsey plan, this is the event for them. You get a taste from all of our speakers for just $39. Get your tickets now before they sell out.

RamseySolutions.com slash events. All right, Luke joins us up next. He's in St. Louis. Luke, welcome to the show. Hey, guys. How are you? Good. How are you?

I'm doing pretty good. My question is, how do I build credit without going into debt? Because I know being able to afford a car and a house and stuff like that. Sure. Where's this coming from? Why do you want to build credit, man? Well, I'm looking to buy a new vehicle and eventually get a house. And I know that there are current societies where you can just finance everything.

You can? Does it mean you should? No. All right. So, Luke, let me put it this way. If you saved up, how old are you and how much do you make right now? I'm 18 and I make about $2,000 a month. Okay, $2,000 a month. How much margin do you have?

Do you live with your parents? Yeah. Okay, is there any pressure from them to build credit? A little bit, yeah. They want me to get a credit card and stuff in order to help build it. Well, here's what I found. I purchased my last car in cash, and I didn't need a credit score because I paid in cash. So the only reason you need a credit score is to go into debt. And if you follow our plan, you've decided to take debt

off of the table and we figure out another way. We have diligence. We have patience. We're going to save up over time and buy that car when we can. And it's going to be a reasonable car. We don't need to go out getting a $35,000 car with payments at 18 years old. And then when it's time to buy a house, there's a special type of mortgage you can get that – or it's a special kind of underwriting process. The mortgage is the same. And they work with you specifically if you have a credit score of zero but you have a history of handling money well because your credit score is just a score on how well you dance with debt. It has nothing to do with how wealthy you are and how you handle your money. Okay.

So, Luke, I'm going to give you some homework. You're going to go listen to the Fine Print podcast. And I did this episode called The Dirty Truth Behind Your Credit Score where we unpack every single facet of the credit industry, what your credit score is made up of. Spoiler alert, it all involves debt. And I talk with mortgage experts about how to do this. And I'll tell you, Luke, I did this myself. So this is from personal experience. I got my last mortgage that is now paid off using manual underwriting, using what's called a no score loan. And what they do, it's real old timey. They look at your actual financial picture. Stop it, George. I know.

So you show them like, I don't know, your utility payments. And they show them your income. And you show them your W-2s and your tax returns. And they go, okay, I think Luke is going to be able to pay this loan back. We'll go ahead and give them this loan. And so that's what I did, Luke. And it's possible. And let me tell you, it was, what, eight years without a credit score.

And it's going to dwindle away soon because I just paid off my house. And I don't miss it. And not once when I'm renting a car, getting a hotel room, I have not run into issues with the credit score. And Luke, I want you to hang on the line. Kelly's going to send you a copy of Dave's Total Money Makeover and you're 18 years old. I want you to read it cover to cover and it's going to give you the why behind why we tell you what to do and it's going to give you a step- why we tell you what to do and it's going to give you a step-by-step how to do this you're 18 you're about to start having to make grown-up decisions and we want you to get you once you set you off on the right foot

thanks for the call appreciate it man brett is in aiken south carolina he's joining us up next. Brett, welcome to the show. Hey, guys. Thank you very much. Absolutely. What's up? I'm calling today. Yeah, I'm calling today. I'm 28 years old. Just got my first really good-paying job. Doubled my salary.

Awesome. And we are still on step two of paying off our debt. We have a bit. But my wife, she has anxiety, she's on medicine, but the thought of having less than $10,000 in our savings account really makes her anxious. How would you recommend I pay off the debt we have while finding this balance with my wife's anxiety? The anxiety circling around that dollar amount is not related to the dollar amount. It's related to a story or a narrative that her body's responding to.

So when people, most of the time, not always, not always, most of the time, anxiety results from being amongst people or disconnected from people it's a relationship issue it's your body sounding an alarm that we are disconnected from relationships or we're unsafe in relationships or somebody finds himself unsafe which is a perspective she holds right now or they're in a situation where they have no control people who owe other people money it doesn't surprise me that their bodies ring the anxiety alarms because they're not safe, right? There are a few things, a few little moments away from being in a mess, right? Really what we need to sit down and do is, is get to the heart of the anxiety issue. And it's less about the dollars and it's more about, um, how can she feel safe in her own body? It may be, we have to compromise here.

It may be, Hey, tell me what this ten thousand dollars is going to buy you or it's going to save us from and then let's talk about here's the math here's we're going to start right so this is a big full picture but this is about healing connection this is about healing safety this is not about trying to stumble into a dollar amount you're what i'm saying yeah that's great okay So circle back to her. Here's your homework assignment. Circle back to her. And I'm going to hang on the line. I'm going to send you two copies of my book, Redefining

Anxiety. It's really thin and y'all can read it together. And it's a reframing of anxiety. But here's what I want you to do. I want you to sit down tonight, not talking about dollars, not talking about cents. I want you to say, I want to start doing a better job of meeting your needs here at home.

I want to start doing a better job of helping you feel safe. Would you do me the honor? It's not sexy. It's not how Hollywood writes it up. Would you do me the honor of giving me five to 10 things? You can think about it. write them down for me these make me feel loved these make me feel safe and for my wife it's chit chat dude it is chit chat i just want you to sit at the table when i'm doing stuff and just talk to me about whatever and i think man we could be using this time so much more productively chit chat or it might Or it might be, hey, would you just, when you walk through the kitchen, if there's a dish in the sink, will you just grab it and drop it in the dishwasher for me? Will you just hold my hand when you wake up in the morning

before you jump out of bed and run to the gym? It's little things like that that suddenly create an ecosystem of, and that body goes, we're safe now. I don't have to sound the anxiety alarms. Yeah, that money in the bank with a pile of debt on the other side is an illusion of safety. That's right. We need real safety, which is getting out of debt, getting the emergency fund in place. So let's get a plan together.

Let's approach that. Do the baby steps. And you will have true financial peace. She's lucky to have you, brother. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Campbell, joined today by Dr. John Deloney. And in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt-free stage, Tyler joins us. What's going on, Tyler?

What's going on? I'm having a great time. How about you guys? Good. So I assume you're debt-free. Apparently, I am. We love to see it. Okay, where are you from?

I'm originally from Massachusetts, but currently I live in the Orlando area in Florida. Very cool. Okay, so let's talk about this debt. How much did you pay off? $86,015. Woo! That 15 is what really gets you. That's right.

Wow. How long did this take? That was the two Chick-fil-A meals you had to have, didn't you? Sorry about that. No, I started in December 2017 through December 21, so 48 months. Awesome. Okay. And what was your range of income during this time?

Started at $61,000, ended at $88,000. $61,000 to $88,000. What do you do for a living, dude? I'm a transportation engineer for a consulting firm in Florida. Okay, can I ask you a hard question? Let's hear it. What does that mean? What does that mean?

Well, I think at the root of it, what it means is I'm part of a team that looks to help develop communities to be places you want to drive to and not through. Ooh. That's a good tagline. And I love roundabouts. And I love roundabouts. You should put that on a t-shirt. You love roundabouts. Ooh. That's a good tagline. And I love roundabouts. You should put that on a t-shirt. You love roundabouts. Wow. I call those little cuss circles, but good. I'm glad you have them. Awesome, man. So tell me about this $86,015. What kind of debt was this?

Yeah. So 46,000 of that was undergrad student loans principal. Another 10,000 was interest I paid between the private and federal loans. Fun. And then $30,000 was my car. Wow. When I walked across the stage when I graduated with my master's, I didn't take in any debt when I got my master's degree. I got a full ride. But when I walked across that stage,

that was about $75,000 I had. Wow. And you had this car. What kind of car was this? It was a Ford Fusion. And you still have it today? Still have it all day off. Got the title and everything in the mail. Drives different now, doesn't it?

It does. Awesome. A little bit lighter. So 48 months ago, that's a pretty long time to slog through this. What got you started on this journey? How'd you get connected? Yeah, so something I've come to realize is sometimes you don't even know that you're on the journey. When I started paying off the car immediately and then I had my student loan start six months after you graduate, I was paying them off late 2018, early 2019.

I did a little bit of math. I'm an engineer, so I've got to do a little bit of math. And I found that I had paid about $9,000 towards my student loan debt, but only $2,000 had come off of the principal. It's a knife to the soul, man. And when I did that, I was like, I don't know about that. Something's got to change.

And my father said, have you ever heard about Dave Ramsey? I was like, Dave Ramsey? I think I've heard the name. And he's like, well, you've got to start listening to him. You've got to get his book. You've got to do all this stuff. I'm like, all right, dad, you've taught me a few things. We'll try this too. Got his book. I read it. And I was like, wow, this actually really

lays out the best way I can possibly get out of this. And then from there, and I was already making bigger than minimum payments, but I went all out. You're talking about any bonus, any extra pay, anything I could do went towards that debt wow dude that's number one no kid listens to their dad i know good dad and two wow so you went all in so i i this was this was music to your engineering heart right a simple laid out plan oh yeah let's just walk down this road absolutely absolutely i think one of my favorite moments of the whole journey was July 2020. When the vets had suspended the interest rates, I still had Sally Mae hanging out with me, and I paid her off in July 2020, got rid of her.

And now I had the rest of my federal in the car, and I got rid of that this last December. That's fantastic. That's awesome. And every day there's a new headline. Is it going to be paused? And you're thinking, I don't care. Yeah, that was one of the things. Just yesterday they extended it.

But at this point, I don't have to worry anymore. That's so good. That's so great. So out of all the things that are involved with a journey like this, what do you tell people the key to getting out of debt is? Discipline. Absolutely discipline. Sticking to a plan. There's a little quirky thing about me maybe

it's because i'm an engineer i don't know but i usually will have this notebook at home this big master notebook and about every month i sit down i write down every single thing about my money my finances to the scent and i go through and i write down i actually write down on paper no computer just on piece of paper i go through exactly what's going on where all the money's going and i figure that out every single month on paper. Oh, so you don't have a home for every dollar. You have a home for every cent. Yeah.

That's an engineer right there. That is an engineer. Wow. So this is real talk. I interviewed Jocko this morning, and we were talking about discipline equals freedom, and I was connecting with me with all the money principles we have,

and he said financial discipline will get you to financial freedom. And that's exactly what you did by following this proven plan. And that's what you needed. You just needed something to aim at and a plan to do it. Absolutely. That's exactly how I would characterize it. Wow. That's incredible.

We're so proud of you, man. Do you have any cheerleaders that were with you along this journey? Absolutely. My wife, Matia, has been there for me. My parents, Paul and Vicki, absolutely. My wife, Matia, has been there for me. My parents, Paul and Vicky, absolutely. I've had plenty of co-workers, family, friends who've been there, listened to me, hear what everyone has to say, and I went forward and I did it. Can I ask you a hard question? And it's not hard in the math sense. It's hard in the existential

sense. There's something about your graduate student, you've got a degree in engineering, you're serving your community, you're doing good stuff, you're making great money. You have a home? You live in a home? Apartment. Apartment, okay.

So you live in an apartment. There's something about rolling up to that job with those coworkers, with that pedigree, in a Ford Focus. Fusion. Fusion. My bad. And you roll up, and they all look at you and go, with that pedigree in a Ford Focus. Fusion. Fusion.

My bad. And you roll up, and they all look at you and go, ooh, what are you doing? How would you coach somebody who's like, man, I just feel like my car sticks out in the parking lot where I work? Well, yeah, I don't have the Tesla yet, I guess, right? No, but I think the best way to put it is something my dad would say, which is you need a car to get from A to B.

Oh, yeah. And I plan on keeping that car until it can't drive anymore. So the meta is I don't care. No. I don't care. She loves me. My dad loves me. Yeah, exactly.

My mom loves me. A lot of people love me, so it's all good. It's so beautiful, man. So when did you get married? March 19th, a few weeks ago oh my goodness oh so you're in it now yeah right here wow that's fantastic let's get her up there matia you want to come on up we've got a copy of baby steps millionaires for you that's dave's best-selling book and it's the next chapter of your story especially as newlyweds now

uh it's so awesome i'm so excited to read it. Oh, you're going to love it. It's going to inspire you along the journey because it's a long one now. You did the hard work and this is four years. Now this is about the next 10, 15, 20 years as you guys build this amazing life together. I want to give you a copy of The Total Money Makeover, the book that got you started. Maybe you can get one of these engineer knuckleheads who's playing around with some debt and go, hey, man, here's a proven process. Here's how I did it when they start asking. Yeah. Well, you're awesome, man.

We're proud to have you guys. And Mattia, of course, now your biggest cheerleader as you've completed this journey. It's Tyler all the way from the Orlando, Florida area. $86,015 paid off in 48 months, making $61,000 up to $88,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream. Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Woo!

Yeah! And just like that. It was another one of the books. An engineering debt-free scream. He did what he needed to do. We're debt-free. That's right. Incredible, man. Man. This gets me pumped. He did what he needed to do. We're debt-free. That's right.

Incredible, man. Man. This gets me pumped. And this is what I want, John, for everyone listening out there. At some point in the process, you have to decide if you're a financial genius who's broke or if you're going to follow a proven plan. And a lot of us out there, we're like, we're figuring it out. We're great at debt management. We're moving the 0% interest card to this card.

We get 17 cards. We're getting our cash back. And we're like, we're winning. And yet we go to bed with anxiety every night. We don't sleep. Our body's beating a drum inside of us going, hey, get back up. You're not safe. Wake up. We're not okay. Right. And at some point you got to decide, okay, George's plan is not crushing it. What if we try this plan over here? And it's not because we're so amazing and so smart. We've just found that it works. It's the opposite. And 10 million people have done it. Works a hundred.

One thing that nobody in the financial space can say is, my thing is 100% foolproof, and this one is. If you do it. If you go all in. If you just do it every single time. If you go ish, you're going to get ish results. Right. But if you go all in, and you go gazelle intense,

I'm getting the second job, the third job, I'm selling everything that's not tied down that has dust collecting on it, I'm going to do this plan and I'm going to do it right. The results are there. It's incredible. Every time. I love it. Well, we're pumped for Tyler and Mattia.

Debt freedom is on the other side, folks. You can get there. Tyler did it. You can too. This is The Ramsey Show. We'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm George Camel, Ramsey personality and host of the Fine Print and Entree Leadership Podcast, joined today by best-selling author and all-around good guy, Dr. John Deloney. I agree.

There we go. I agree. We agree on something, finally. Well, our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Their 100% satisfaction guarantee means even if you mismeasure or pick the wrong color, as John and I tend to do, they will remake your blinds for free. You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every single month, you'll save even more.

Just use the promo code RAMSEY to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Rose. Do you think Leo could have fit on the door? 100%, yeah. No question. Leo could have fit on the door. That's for another day. Another day.

All right, today's question comes from a different Rose in Arkansas, not carrying the heart of the ocean. She asks, My husband is on a second kidney transplant and is a stay-at-home parent with our two kids. carrying the heart of the ocean she asks my husband is on a second kidney transplant and is a stay-at-home parent with our two kids i work full-time and we're on baby step three i've asked my husband multiple times to get life insurance he refuses and says it's a scam i have insurance on myself for him and our kids he thinks I should invest the money we spend on his life insurance so it will

grow. I'm the nerd and take care of all finances and goals. He agrees and just goes with what I've been learning and growing from. I've shared my fears with him because he has been near death many times. What can I do to help him see the big picture? There's multiple questions in here. Yeah, there's a lot going on here. I don't love that you're just taking care of all the finances and goals and he just goes along with it. And then when he doesn't like it, he just disagrees. We've got to be more on the same page. Yeah. Our whole financial plan. There is a, this is heartbreaking. there is, it's common, but when one spouse, you know, husband, wife, whoever, um, has multiple health issues and is reduced, unable to go find purpose and meaning in their work, it can be a hard transition to purpose and meaning finding at home. And this is men and women, husband, I don't care who it is.

And the word that comes to mind here that is scary because it has a lot of negative connotation to it and a lot of mental health challenges to it is this idea of burden. I'm a burden. Y'all would be better if I wasn't here. So stop putting money aside for me. Y'all do this. I'm already dragging you down enough,

right? Like I'm not, I'm already hurting everybody just by still being here, right? Second kidney transplant. This is a lot, a household full of heartbreak. This is a household full of trauma. This is a household that has lost trust in his body. This is a, this is a lot going on here. And this is a wife who's at the end of a rope. She's scared. She's tired. She's lonely. And she just wants him to love himself as much as she does. And he doesn't. And here's the heartbreaking thing. You can't make somebody do that. And it just stinks, man. It's really, it's hard, hard, hard, hard. Now on the financial side, let's talk about this idea that life insurance is a scam. He's partially right because there's so many terrible life insurance products out there, especially in the whole life, the cash value world.

And so the only one we recommend is term life. Now, I don't know his whole health picture. I don't know how easy it's going to be for him to get term life. There are situations when you can get term life after having a kidney transplant, but they're going to be asking some follow-up questions. Was it kidney failure? What was the circumstances leading up to it? And it's going to be expensive.

And it'll be more expensive. That's right. But is it still going to be worth it? Yes. And is term life going to be astronomically cheaper than any other kind of whole life policy? Yes. Can you invest the difference and still do your investing? Yes. But I want you to keep your insurance as insurance, your investments as investments. And that's why I hate whole life insurance. So get in touch with our friends at Zander Insurance. They can walk you through the process, shop around all of the top companies all over the country, and try to get you the care that you need. But he has to care first.

Right, and here's an important – the natural question here is this. I'm not making any money, so there's no money to replace here here so we don't need life insurance on me you spouse you wife you husband whoever you're making all the money there's no there's no reason to have money on me and what i would say here is he's a stay-at-home parent he's got they got two kids if he was to die today she's gonna have to come up with money to replace that right and so it might not be the full 10x salary and all that, but you need to put something away. I've got much more life insurance on me than my wife does. Right.

She's, she stays at home right now. She's got some side businesses at home, but she stays at home. I'm going to have to get some help if she were to pass away. I'm going to have to get a lot of help, right? Like multiple people,

but my salary pays our bills. And so we have more insurance on me because that's going to be a harder hit. We need to keep the lights on. And so it might be different. The scale may be different. And here's where this gets hard, George, and we see this a lot when people are struggling. He's partially right, as you mentioned. Some life insurance is a scam um you

don't have any salary to replace so why are we even doing this i am a bird yeah i'm it's hard it's hard and we can get focused on that we can get locked in on the negative side of this let's look to the other side of this thing right and i'll tell you brother i don't even know your name i'm gonna tell you this yes you've had some medical challenges. Yes, you've had some rough stuff. You're worth taking care of yourself. You're worth being loved. You're worth being the parent to these two beautiful little kids.

And it's time for you to look in the mirror and say, I'm worth standing up and healing. Two different people have given a kidney for you. I'm going to make meaning of this thing. I'm going to live into the gift I've been given twice now, and I'm going to rise above this stuff. That's a hard conversation to have, but it's time to stand up and get after it. Good reminders, and great reminder for stay-at-home parents that you need life insurance too.

We always recommend that because you've got to hire Mary Poppins if something happens, and we get a lot of calls, and people are going, child care is astronomical. Yeah, we know. To have to hire someone to do all that and all the other things around the house, not just child care. There's a lot going on there. So make sure that you have insurance to replace that income. Good stuff there from John. While we're on this topic, John, a lot of calls today have played into this idea of your new book, Own Your Past, Change Your Future. There's a lot of trauma out there. People are going through a lot of hard things.

And what I love about this book is it's not just for people who have deeply traumatic experiences. This is a book for all of us who've experienced some level of something over the course of our lives. And I'm really excited about this book. It feels like we're just days away, right? Yes. It's April 19th.

It's still in presale and you still get all the great things that come along with it, but it hits the streets, hits the stores, April 19th. So I was in an interview today and I had this thought. This book, in this book, I follow my story, right? I walk alongside people talking about what's happening to our culture, talking about what's happening in their lives. And also here's what I experienced. I've been there too. And you see somebody like Dave who the, it's an implosion bankruptcy. That's not most people. Most people are quietly the living lives as they say of quiet desperation. They're slowly drowning. They're slowly running out of oxygen. It's just like a blanket is slowly being laid over them.

And I didn't end up in rehab. I didn't burn my house to the ground. I didn't cheat on my wife. But I just lived with this low-level home of anxiety and depression. And I guess this is just the way this is. And I guess we just gain an extra five pounds every year. And I guess our intimate lives just slowly fade away. And my knees hurt and my back hurt.

And that's most people, right? That's most of us just saying, well, this is just the way this is. This is just what, and this book, it's not just the way it is. It can be so much more. It's a book about hope, man. It's a book about you've got to deal with what happens so that you can live a wild, reckless, joy-filled life. Yeah, and the so that is very important.

So that. Live like no one else so that. So that. You can live and give like no one else. And I'm really excited what Dave has done for people in their financial life, you're going to do for people in their relationships, their mental health, their emotional wellness, and I'm super pumped about this book. Some people have gotten advanced copies, some of our listeners,

and they're going nuts about it. Yeah, it's a pretty exciting response. And it's helping people already. And if you preorder today, RamseySolutions.com, for just $20, you're going to get the audiobook version read by John himself, the e-book version, and on top of that, one month of free weekly therapy sessions from our friends at BetterHelp. That's a deal right there.

That is a deal. I'm excited to dig in. I've been waiting for the audiobook, so I'm one of these guys that I listen on 1.25 speed while following along in the physical book, and I feel like I'm cheating the system. I was told recently, somebody wrote into my show and said, you're the one podcast I have to listen to at 1x speed

because you talk so fast. He talks too fast. And that made me happy. They slowed you down in the audiobook so we could all understand. That's right. I love it. Well, pumped about this book.

Go check it out. RamseySolutions.com. Own your past. Change your future. That puts this hour of the Ramsey Show in the books. My thanks to my co-host, Dr. John Deloney, to James, Kelly, Zach, everyone in the booth keeping the show afloat, and you, America. Thank you so much for listening. We're going to be back with you before you know it.

Hey, it's John Deloney, co-host of The Ramsey Show. Did you know over 18 million people listen to The Ramsey Show every week? A lot of those people listen on one of our 600 plus radio stations across the country. To find a station near you, go to RamseySolutions.com slash show.