The Ramsey Show - App - Wife Wants a Divorce and I Don’t Know What To Do Financially (Hour 1)

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

Retirement, Investing, Career, Home Buying, Budgeting, Saving, Insurance, Debt, Education, Relationships   Retirement, Investing, Career, Home Buying, Budgeting, Saving, Insurance, Debt, Education, Relationships As heard on this episode: Sign Up for a FREE trial of Ramsey+ TODAY: https://bit.ly/3rZTUAx Tools to get you started:  Debt Calculator: https://bit.ly/2Q64HME Insurance Coverage Checkup: https://bit.ly/3sXwUn5 Complete Guide to Budgeting: https://bit.ly/3utmVXi Check out more Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3fHhbVE

I'm out. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Dollar Car Rental Studio, it's The Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Ramsey personality George Campbell, joined today by the infamous Dr. John Deloney, host of the Dr. John Deloney Show, best-selling author, and we are here to take your calls. Open phones this hour, 888-825-5225. We'll talk about money, relationships, what you're stressed out about around the holidays, your mental health, anxiety, emergency funds, debt, you name it. We are here for you, John.

No, we're not here for you. We're here for them, comma, John. I'm here for you, George. Thank you. And we're here for them. I appreciate that. How's your Friday going? It's good, man.

You've got some book deadlines coming up, don't you? We are cranking it. Does it feel like high school again where you're cramming for the big test? Except in high school, nobody reads your papers. Oh, this one is like- And this is a paper that millions of people read. A little different. Yeah, it's a little different, a little more puckered up. But we'll get there.

We'll get there. All right, let's go to the phones. We've got Jean in Rochester, New York. Jean, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hi, thank you for taking my call. Can you hear me okay? You sound great. How can we help?

Okay. So I'll give you a little bit of a backstory. I'm 65 years old and retired. I don't owe any money. I have about $3,000 a month in bills and giving, and my total income coming in is $5,300. I only have $43,000 in an IRA, and I want to continue to invest so that I can offset the cost of living when I'm older. I'm wondering if you could give me some guidance on how much I should be putting away. Absolutely. Well, you've got some leftover money, so you're in a good spot here with just having some excess.

So your bills and expenses are $3,000, and you have $5,300 coming in. So you have excess of $2,300 freed up right now? That's correct. Where do you get that $5,000? What are you doing? Oh, that's a combination of pension and Social Security. Outstanding. Good. Okay, good, good, good. And you're wondering, hey, how can I invest this excess

so that I can use it in retirement and live into my 90s? I'd like to know how much of it, because some of it I want to have a little fun with, but I know I need to put some of it away. So I'm wondering what a good ratio would be. Yeah, well, it really depends on your lifestyle, your comfort level. It sounds like these $3,000 expenses, it's going to stay like this. You said you don't have any debt. Do you have a mortgage or anything like that? No, I've paid everything off. Wow.

Jean, way to go. Thanks. I feel pretty good about it. You sure? You should be smiling from ear to ear. This is awesome. It was a long haul. Yes, I'm really happy about it.

Thank you. When you say you want to go have some fun, what are you thinking of? What kind of fun you want to have? I'd like to take vacations, which I haven't done in a long time. And, you know, buy things for the house, go out with my friends, just things like that. I love it. Well, this is going to be a line item in your budget. And so decide, hey, how much do I want to set aside for vacations? Let's say that number is $5,000, $6,000. How much do I think I'll spend going out each month with friends or whatever those things might be? And make that a line item in your budget.

And then the rest of it I want you to be investing. You can invest into that IRA continually so that it continues to grow. And you can eventually pull money from that when you need it. But right now, you have this guaranteed income, so you've got a good situation here. You may not need to touch the retirement money for a long, long time, it sounds like. That's what I was thinking, that I could perhaps put $1,000 a month away and then use it in the future to just draw off a little bit, you know, to offset cost of living as I'm 75, 85. Yeah, that's $12,000 a year. And if you get a rate of return of, you know, 10%, 11% on that and some good growth stock mutual funds and IRA,

then you'll be able to pull from that later on in life if you need to. And right now you have $5,300 forever guaranteed, right? Right. That's correct. Well, you're in good shape. Well, I must say, that's wrong with Social Security and it dropped. Oh, that's true. You never know these days. You know, there's that. We usually tell people to split it in those three categories. You're already doing giving

and that's already in your budget. And the other two are spend and save. And so you're saying it right here. I want to have some fun. I don't want you to just invest every single penny. You're not in a destitute situation. So have some fun. Go on some vacations. But be wise about the ratio. There's no exact ratio.

I'm going to tell you, hey, do 50% here, 50% there. But just feel it out and go, is this in line? Should I be going on a $50,000 trip? Maybe not. But can I go on a $5,000 trip? Sure. And if you do it all with cash and you don't go into debt, you've put yourself in a fantastic position

that most people your age have not. And so you have the benefit of having a little bit of freedom here. All right, that sounds good. Thank you very much. Yeah, thanks so much for the call, Jean. All right, let's go to John in Chicago, Illinois. John, welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, how are you guys doing?

Doing great. How can we help? So my question is, because right now I work a job that pays a mortgage, and I can use that to start the baby steps, but I don't really feel like super happy about it. So I've been talking to some of my contractors that services my buildings and they, one of the guys said he will vouch for me to get into a labor union to become like an electrician or like HVAC. And I'm wondering if, because I don't want to use him vouching for me and just kind of let it go. But if I do do it seriously, should I get into that? Because I don't want to use him vouching for me and just kind of let it go.

But if I do do it seriously, should I get into that and, you know, risk me having a pay cut for at least two years because I'm going to be an apprentice for at least two years? What kind of pay cut are we talking? What are you making now and what would you go down to? Well, right now I make $25,000. And he was saying apprentices right now make around $15,000. Is that per hour? Yes.

Okay. So that's a big jump to be going down $10 an hour from $25,000 to $15,000 for two years. What are your family responsibilities right now financially? I'm the bread giver um my uh well i guess my girlfriend she well we have three kids together and um she got a job being a look at kinder care teacher but um i pay for most of the bills and i live a very normal life and i'm trying to get out of that but i want to make sure that i can at least give my kids the best opportunities that they can when they grow up before I'm 30 and I'm 28. 28 now. So I'll tell you, I have taken a pay cut in multiple steps of my career, making good money, step back to whether it's because I was changing a location and I had growth potential there, or I was going to

enter into a training program. I was going to go to grad, or I was going to enter into a training program. I was going to go to grad school. I was going to go to another grad school, whatever that looked like. I've done that multiple times. It's worked out every single time for me that that was a good financial move. And every time I made one of those moves, it also had family implications too.

It's really going to, as far as I know, man, it's going to depend on, can you guys afford to take this cut? Can you pay your bills and eat? it's really going to, as far as I know, man, it's going to depend on, can you guys afford to take this cut? Can you pay your bills and eat? Will your wife work two or three jobs on top of what she's already doing so that you can go to do this apprenticeship debt-free,

and then you can cross that line? I don't have any problem with you taking a break for a couple years to make less money, to get trained up to go make more money at another job. But, man, you've got to be smart and don't go into any more debt. Yeah. Clean up this mess. Stick with this job until you have the financial freedom to make a jump like that. This is The Ramsey Show. I'm sure most of you have seen the news recently about ransomware, cybercrimes, identity theft,

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Go to Zander.com or call 800-356-4282. All right, guys. The Christmas countdown is on, and we are having a great time handing out cash as part of our Christmas cash giveaway. It's one of my spiritual gifts to give away Dave's money. And if you didn't know, giving is some of the most fun you'll ever have with money. And every year here at Ramsey Solutions, we celebrate Christmas with our Ramsey Show listeners with an awesome tradition, our Ramsey Christmas Cash Giveaway. And this year, we're giving away $500 every single week and a grand prize of $5,000. You can enter every single day to increase your chances of winning. Just go to ramseysolutions.com slash giveaway. And look, we know you're planning to do a lot of giving too.

That's why our team has put everything on sale. We've extended our biggest Cyber Monday sale to last till the end of the week. So you can get up to 79% off right now. We've got special deals for everyone on your list. It's the perfect day to get Christy Wright's 2022 Goal Planner, John Deloney's Conversation Cards,

Question for Humans, and Ken Coleman's Career Assessment because these are the lowest prices you're going to see all year. So hurry up, get gifts for your friends and family, maybe even yourself because our sale ends real soon. Shop our biggest Cyber Monday sale yet at our online store at ramseysolutions.com. Open phones this hour, 888-825-5225. I'm George Campbell, joined today by my colleague, John Deloney. We're taking your calls. And Tobias is on the line in Trenton, New Jersey. Tobias, welcome to The Ramsey Show.

Hi, how are you doing? Good, how are you? How can we help? Great. So I inherited money when I was a young boy. And now it was put in mutual funds for me, and now it's got about $80,000 in there, and I'm looking to buy a house somewhat in the near future. I want to know if I should continue contributing to that. So you've been contributing to this mutual fund on top of what was inherited? No. Oh, okay. So where are you at financially? So you've been contributing to this mutual fund on top of what was inherited?

No. Oh, okay. So where are you at financially? How old are you, and do you have any debt currently? I don't have debt. I'm free, and I'm 27 years old. Awesome. Do you have an emergency fund of three to six months saved?

Yes. Fantastic. And that's outside of all of the inheritance you have here. Tobias, man, you're crushing it, brother. Good for you, man. Thank you. So you want to use this money to possibly buy your first home? Correct.

And you're in New Jersey. Have you looked around to see what houses cost around there? Yeah, it's pretty crazy here just like the rest of the world. Is it like $300,000, $400,000? What are you looking at right now? Yeah, around $400,000 or $450,000. Okay. And what's your income? $50,000. $50,000. Well, that $80,000 could be a good down payment, and I'll give you some parameters so that you make the right decision here. And what we recommend is that you save up that down payment to be about 10% or 20% of the value of the home. I love 20% because that helps you avoid PMI, private mortgage insurance, which is money that protects them, not you.

It protects the lender. And so if you can get to that point where that $K is 20%, and here's the other factor, I want you to get a 15-year fixed rate mortgage, no more than that, where the payment is no more than a quarter of your take-home pay. So crunch some numbers on that 50,000 that you make. What do you actually take home? Divide that into four, and that's what you can afford based on the down payment. So that might mean you take that 80K and you save some money on top of that to get to the number that's comfortable for you. Okay. I know that you guys don't say to invest in the market short term, less than three to five years. So I'm wondering if I should contribute to this fund so it could grow more before I do the first half. Yeah, what's the time horizon?

Are you looking to do this in the next one or two years, or is this four, five, six years from now? Two to three years is the time horizon. Yeah. Under three years, I get a little hesitant because there's a lot that could happen in the market, and there's a chance that it could dip. And so if you've got a set timeline for this that's a little bit risky to be putting in the market. I mean, your mutual funds are already in the market. So I don't mind you contributing to this to add to it and watching it grow, but I'd give it three plus years. And at that point, you could have 100, 150 grand in there, which is going to give you a great down payment.

And with 50K income, you'll actually be able to afford a mortgage payment in New Jersey, which is pretty cool. Well, and just you can put it in that account. When I was going to buy a house, it was about two years. I had lead time. I just went and opened an account at a credit union, man. And my goal wasn't to make a bunch of money on the cash. It was just to store it in a safe place until I was ready to use it all. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So I should take it out? I would leave it in there for now. But what John is saying is once you get close, you're like, hey, within a year of getting this house, I would cash it out and put it in a money market account, a high yield savings account, just park it somewhere safe that you have access to, to where it's not in the market, to where it's not subject to all the risk. All right. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks so much for the comment. Appreciate it. Lori joins us in Dayton, Ohio. Lori, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hello. Hey, how are you? Good. How are you? Doing great. How can we help today?

Well, I have a question really about budgeting and saving for big ticket items or retirement. We don't have any debt, but we just have a hard time. We pay cash for everything, but we just seem to have a hard time like buckling down and getting that savings in the bank like we need to. For the big ticket items. So you're talking about like a sinking fund where you say, all right, we need to save $600. We're going to save a hundred a month for six months. Well, it's our emergency fund and my husband has his own business, so we don't have health insurance. You don't have health insurance right now? No. Oh boy. You just got a new priority today on this Friday afternoon. When you say, when ever a couple says, we are just really struggling, is it you?

Is it him? One of you is probably on board. And one of you is probably a little bit wheeling and dealing. No, we're both on board. Okay. We are. I mean, we have had health insurance for,

well, since our young, since my 19-year-old was a year and a half. And you're playing roulette. Yeah. But when it comes to budgeting, who blows the budget? Well, I would say we just have a lot of expenses, and we had a couple financials. We had to start over pretty much like two times, and I think we just kind of were like deer in the headlights, you know? And so we just kind of like don't know what to do, so we just don't do anything.

What kind of budget are you guys doing right now? Are you using every dollar? Are you doing an Excel spreadsheet? Is this on paper? It's on paper and I, yeah, I do it. I basically do it. Yeah, we've got everything on automatic payment, you know. You're saying whatever happens on paper does not match reality? I'm just saying there's really just not a, I just don't know what to do. Here's what I want you to do. Here's what I want you to do, Lori.

Sometimes when we have major life events, major setbacks, or when life just control alt deletes us, right? We have a plan, we're moving along down the road, all of a sudden it just rattles our cage, whatever happens. The car falls apart, kid gets sick, husband passes away.

Whatever it is. What you said, you described it perfectly, that deer in headlights. That's a neurological issue. Your brain just goes into neutral for a season. It's called grief. Okay? Here's what I want you and your husband to do. I want you all to go out together.

Okay? You can go to breakfast together. I like that. Our friend Anthony loves dinner. Whatever it is, you all go by yourself and plan to spend a few hours. And I want you to take a notepad, and I want you to look at each other and be honest and have no electronics. And I want you to talk about and write down, get out of your head

and put on paper, here's our frustrations. Here's the milestones we missed. Here's where I'm getting stuck. Here's where I feel like I can't move. I want you to get it out of your body. Get it out of your head. Get it out of your heart. Get it onto paper so you can look at it.

And then when you write these stories down, whatever these stories happen to be, I want you to demand evidence from these stories. Is this true? Are we really never going to be able to get back on track? No, you can't. Am I really the worst spender ever? Nope. I had a bad couple of years, and tomorrow everything changes.

And I want you to come up with a new plan together on paper. You're not going to commit at this dinner. This is the moment that we change everything. And then you're going to go get health insurance, for God's sake. Hey, Lori, hang on. I'm going to have Austin, our phone screener, pick up and give you guys a year to Ramsey Plus. That's going to give you access to every dollar, our budgeting tool, and Financial Peace University. Go through the videos.

Do the budget with him. Get on the same page. And you guys will find some progress. Thanks for calling in. We'll see you next time. I'm George Campbell, joined today by my co-host, John Deloney. This is The Ramsey Show. And on the debt-free stage in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, Zach and Jessica join us. How are you guys?

Good. You look like a debt-free couple to me. Yes. I love it. Where are you guys from?. You look like a debt-free couple to me. Yes. I love it. Where are you guys from? Indianapolis. Indianapolis. Wonderful. Well, thanks for making the trip to Nashville to do your debt-free scream. Thank you. Let's get into this. How much have you paid off? $222,000. What? You look like you're 17. What do you mean? That's amazing. How did you have that much time to rack it up? That's impressive. Okay. How long did it take? Four years and nine months.

Wow. Okay. And your range of income during that time? Started at 60 and then made our way to 142. Whoa. Did someone get a job? This guy. Yeah, he did.

Totally redeemed yourself. Way to go, man. Who's got two thumbs and got a job? This guy. You were waiting on that, Jessica, weren't you? What do you guys do for a living? I'm a mortgage loan advisor, and Jess is a doctor of physical therapy. Wow.

Both of you all have been pretty bored the last two years. Yeah. Wow. Very impressive. Congratulations, good folks. So what type of debt was this? Mostly student loans from the doctorate. Ah.

Mm-hmm. So is that all you then? Yeah. Nice. I like how you waited until she is that all you then? Yeah. Nice. I like how you waited until she answered that question. I'll let her take this one. Okay. Did you have any part in the debt here?

I said yes to getting a car that we couldn't afford and put some money on our credit card that we didn't have. So there's a little bit of car loan, credit cards on here. Mm-hmm. Totally normal. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So we got to get into this.

Four years and nine months ago, you guys were sitting there with $220,000 and you decided, nah, we're not going to live like this anymore. What happened? So as we were going through school, we actually had some friends who are here with us today and they um explained how they paid off their debt with Ramsey's uh just baby steps and so we knew as soon as school ended that um that was what we wanted to do that we weren't going to wait and we were going to pay them off as quickly as we could so we didn't really know what that was going to look like or how long but we had a slogan that we were going to be debt free by 33 um and so but then as it kept getting closer and closer we're like oh man like okay let's do it before we're married for 10 years

which is next december um and then we were like i think we can be done before the end of this calendar year and um just and the numbers never added up to us. That's how we knew it was God working was that it just didn't make sense on paper how it was getting paid. And it just, the snowball works. So how old are you? Wow. 31. Yeah, 31. Whoa.

Wow. It doesn't rhyme, but I'll take it. It's done by 31. Look at that. There we go. I'm a hip hop artist too. Oh, gosh. We'll save that for another show.

That's right. Wow. That's so incredible. So who sat down and started the conversation? One of you has to have the courage to say, Hey, we can't live like this. I said, I took out these loans and I kept getting recommendations to apply for the forgiveness program and, um, to find a job that qualified for it. And I just said, no, like I took these out and somebody paid it. So it's our job to pay it back. And I don't know how that and somebody paid it so it's our job to pay it back and I don't know how it's gonna work but we're gonna do it Zach you married well my brother

yes that's a woman of integrity that's awesome thank you so what did that journey look like for you guys four years and nine months were there sacrifices what kind of things did you do to actually get out of or not do um so we moved back from California which is where Jess went to school we knew that we wanted to move home to Indiana just for living expenses are a lot cheaper there. Um, moved in immediately with my parents. We didn't buy a house right away. Um, I used VA benefits when we actually did get the, the house to make sure that we were

in a good loan and everything like that. And then, um, lots of said no to a lot of things lots of no's after that lots of not traveling not um getting new cars and that sort of stuff like that so our cars together over 600 000 miles so that's our next that's our next step is saving up for a new car but right now they're both still working so we're driving them yeah what is it like like pulling up to the rehab center next to all those incredible cars? Yeah. And yours has got green smoke coming out the back of it. I know.

I keep telling my coworkers, I'm like, it's worth it. It's so worth it. And I have a couple that did it before me, and we have a couple that are just not sure that they can do it. But we're like, no, you can. So it doesn't even phase you? No. Good for you. So did people think you were crazy?

Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Plenty of people, yeah. A lot of friends, coworkers. In the mortgage industry, you're paying off your debt while you're... Mm-hmm, yeah.

That's one of the things I get a lot is, I mean, hey, you're doing pretty well. Why don't you buy a new car? Your car has 400,000 miles on it. I was like, Hey, it's only a seven minute drive. If I break down, I can walk. I'm good. Um, but yeah, it is a lot of, Hey, what are you going to use that next bonus check on? What are you going to do for this? And I was like, well, our plan, you know, before we got debt free was, Hey, we want to put this much towards debt this month. We want to put that much towards debt this, this coming month. And so a lot of people

were just like, man, why are you working so hard? I was like, because we want to be done with this. And it's just one of those things where getting to talk to people about mortgages and how you can use that as a tool to help people get out of that. I tell so many people on the phones about the snowball method. It's so fun. That's fantastic. That's awesome. So you guys were on this journey for a long time.

Yeah. Did you ever feel like, I don't know, like, let's slow this down? Or did you only just ramp up and get more excited? Yeah, there were definitely moments where we were like, oh, man, I don't know. Like, we definitely feel like God's blessing this journey, but this is hard. And the podcast, the Dave Ramsey podcast is honestly like, that's what we would always go to. Like, we would go on a run put on the podcast and like just listen to the stories of people that did it and we actually had two classmates who also did the debt-free

scream and we just would listen to their story and like okay we can do this and we have a bunch of like classmates that we graduated with that we're all kind of doing it together and so when we see them we we check in with each other like how's it going and we all have young kids too so we're kind of in the same phase of life and that that helped a ton i saw those those two beautiful kids on the screen in here yes so what's what's what's it like in your souls thinking that understand that they're never gonna understand what y'all went through yeah that's that guilt that shame that pie you know just being under that big blanket. Yeah, the weight. I mean, for us, it's a big tool that we can use to explain the gospel to them, too, how God paid our debt.

And just for them to change their, like, to never know that, right? To just do things completely different, to do it weird, right? Like, to not be normal. And, yeah, just to change our family tree. That was kind of the big thing we kept going back to was we want the girls to live differently than we did. What an incredible couple. I'm so proud of you guys. You made my day better.

I know. It really did cheer up my spirit here. Off air, if you could talk to George, you mentioned that you run. He's not big into exercise, but maybe you can teach him a few things. I paid my debt. I'm not running anymore, John. Well, we've got a copy of Dave's new book, Baby Steps Millionaires. That's the next chapter in your story.

I mean, you guys are 31 years old, completely debt-free, incredible income. You've got these sweet little kids. You guys are going to be millionaires before you know it. That's incredible. We also have a copy of the Total Money Makeover so that you can pass it along and maybe get one of those people who thought you were crazy on board to do this plan. Get them running and listening to the Ramsey Show podcast. Thank you.

Thank you. This is fantastic. Well, let's get to it. The moment we've all been waiting for. Zach and Jessica from Indianapolis, $220,000 paid off in four years and nine months, making $60,000 up to $142,000. Count it down. Let's hear a debt-free scream.

Three, two, one. We're debt-free! Yeah! Look at those smiling faces. Unbelievable. Man, didn't that just warm your heart? They're just an incredible couple. I feel like I'm not a good person after talking with people like that.

They are 10 years ahead of me when it comes to maturity. Maturity-wise? Yes, maturity. Most children are. That's very fair. Well played. But they are incredible. Yeah.

The fact that they dug themselves a big hole, and then they had the courage to call reality reality and say, we've got to do something about this, and then they worked for four years and made it happen. Yeah, most people in their 20s, they've got $220,000 in debt. They just go, yeah, I mean. It's not real. It's monopoly money. It's monopoly money. We'll go to the grave with the student loans.

We'll just bank on forgiveness for the next decade. And they just decided to make a choice. It's that simple. And I love what she said. I took that loan out. It was up to me to pay that loan back. I remember feeling that exact same thing. That level of personal responsibility is huge. It's awesome.

Man, super proud of you guys. Zach and Jessica, way to go. This is The Ramsey show. We'll be right back. Open phones this hour, 888-825-5225. I'm George Campbell, joined today by Dr. John Deloney. Give us a call about your life, your money, your mental health, your relationships. Whatever you want to talk about, we are here for you. Our question of the day comes from Blinds.com. Find out for yourself why Blinds.com is the number one online retailer of custom window coverings.

You get free samples, free shipping, and with the new promos they run every month, you'll save even more. Use promo code Ramsey to get the best deal. Today's question comes from Hannah in Maryland. Hannah asks, how do I guide my boyfriend in making a pivotal career move? I can just stop you right there and say you don't, but we'll continue. He's 32 and in residency. Most doctors go for clinical careers, but his passion lies in medical research. The problem, oh, this is great. The problem is that a career in medical research pays significantly less than a clinical career.

Research grants pay about $60,000 a year and allow you to do clinical work making up to another $100,000 a year. A strictly clinical career starts at about $300,000 and goes up from there. If money was not a factor, he would choose the research career. He has $500,000 in student loans. We'd like to get married and have a big family someday. How do I help him make sense of what he would be giving up by going with the lower paying option? How does one weigh their passions with what makes financial sense? Is this a case where passion needs to be thrown by the wayside? There's so much here. There's a lot going on, John.

I'll let you go first. Hannah, you have already spent $500,000 of your future husband's first year salary. You've already spent it. You know what the house is going to look like,

the cars. You already have the picture in your head of how many kids you'll have and what they'll all be doing and the big house that you'll have on the acres and the wherever and wherever and wherever. This is less a question about your boyfriend's passion and more a question about do you love him enough to follow him into what he wants to do with his life?

Or do you love him because he's going to make you a whole, whole, whole bunch of money? Now, he's racked up 500 grand of student loans. Right now, he, because y'all aren't married, he has a problem. He dug himself a big old hole. So if he was to call in the show, I would tell him. It sounds like I would do both. I would be exhausted and do a clinical career

and do research on the side until I could get this thing paid off and then lean over. And if he really wants to do research, you can do both. In fact, I think the true research, the researchers of the most validity are those who are also seeing patients. Um, that's a whole other conversation, but yeah, he's going to have to figure that out financially. But that's not the question you're asking. The question you're asking is, can I marry somebody who doesn't make that much money?

Yeah, it feels to me that there's a security thing here of, well, if I marry someone who makes $300,000, I'd feel a lot better than if they made $160,000. I don't even see it as a security issue as much as a, she's got a fantasy. And you may have put a fantasy yeah and you may have you may have put your time in you may have invested in this guy because he was going to be a big fish but i mean 160k is still a great salary and i'd rather be married to someone who loves what they do every day and comes home with something left in the tank than someone who goes

i hate this but i'm glad we make good money. Yeah. So I'm heading off to a thing that I hate and hope you enjoy spending it. And again, there's much more at play here, Hannah. You've got to ask yourself, can I be with a guy who only makes 160? Most people are rolling their eyes going, oh my gosh, it's 160 grand. I know. Yeah. Knucklehead's got $500,000 to loans. He's going to have to solve that problem. But you need to have a broader conversation about is this the guy that you want to be married to? Can you slum it with a guy that just makes 160?

And you all need to be serious about planning what your finances are going to look like. And when it comes to a budget and all those realistic things. But you can't. How do I guide my boyfriend making a pivotal career move away from his passion and what he wants to do

that's going to make him six figures into how much money it's going to cost me? Yeah. Well, thanks for the question, Hannah. Appreciate that. Let's go to the phones this hour. Brendan joins us in Chicago, Illinois.

Brendan, welcome to The Ramsey Show. Hey, good afternoon, guys. Thanks for taking my call. Sure, how can we help? My question today is my wife of 16 years and I have decided that we're going to separate. And we just recently went over the finances, and we want to just split everything 50-50, including seeing the children. And we see that I should be able to get about $325,000. And I wanted to know if I should, when I move out,

because she's going to keep this house, if I should just buy a house outright or just pay for half and save the rest, or what I should do. Well, let me back up. Number one, 16 years, man. How are y'all doing? That's a big deal. Yeah.

Our relationship has been pretty bad for the past couple of years. I think she's just tired of being, I guess, unhappy. So she just wants to try to move on. I'm sorry i know that um this happens all the time and we think we've just become numb to it and normed but uh this is a big deal are y'all separating for a season or is that a nice way of saying she's filed for divorce and y'all are getting officially divorced legally divorced so i asked I asked her that the other day, and I think right now we're just going to separate

and not immediately get a divorce, but it may lead to that. Like I said, she's been unhappy for many years, she said, so I'm not sure where it's going to lead. So I want you guys, have you all gone to mediation? Have you all sat down with somebody? No, not yet. Okay.

I don't know. She wants to avoid seeing a lawyer, so I'm not sure. Of course. It sounds like she wants to avoid all of it. She wants to play divorced and have the benefits of what she thinks are the benefits of divorce

without the reality of it, without the finality of it, without the pain of it. Yeah, perhaps. Yeah. And so she wants to avoid any professionals telling her, yeah, you've got to make a decision. If you're going to split your family up,

then you can't string that thing along. You've got little ones, too? Yeah, we've got a 14-year-old and a 9-year-old, both girls. Yeah, brother, they can't... Don't put them through that. Through a maybe or a, uh, we'll see. Don't do that to them.

And I know, I'm preaching to the choir here. I know you've had that conversation. Dude, if you're not officially divorced, legally divorced,

you don't buy nothing. Do you have $325,000 that she's just going to write you a check? I mean, how are y'all going to split that up without selling your house?

Yeah. Yeah, it's cash assets. Okay. Yeah, if I'm you, I would... Go ahead. I work part-time right now only. That's what I've been doing the last year and a half.

And she's kind of the breadwinner. I'm the family. So I wanted to make sure I can afford something as well. Yeah, so you've got legal rights. You've got alimony rights. And that's to say she's wanting both sides of, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. You need to go talk to somebody, okay? Okay.

And it sounds like you're about to get taken advantage of. And ultimately, at the end of the day, my brother, if this was a clean divorce, she was going to hand you $325,000 in cash and send you on your way, I would tell you don't buy anything for at least a year. You're going to have to grieve this, mourn this, figure out what's next. You're going to have to get a full-time job. It may not even end up being in this town,

even though you want to see your kids. The whole thing, man. Your whole life is going to have to control all delete, right? So don't buy anything. Don't lock yourself into anything. Even though you've got that money sitting there, don't let it burn a hole in your pocket. Go slow.

Grieve this thing. Talk to somebody. Make sure you've got friends in your life. Spend really direct quality, no screens, time with your kids, because you're going to have a season of healing, right? Am I right? Yeah, yeah, for sure. So are you recommending that I for sure uh make sure to see a lawyer if i'm you i would i would have a

lawyer on the phone by monday morning at nine o'clock in the morning absolutely no question no ifs ands or buts especially if you've been stay at home while she's been working you helped when she was in grad school or whatever, you know. Yeah, it's pretty convenient to say, hey, I just want you to move out, and I'll write you a check to move out, but we're not going to do anything official because then I'm going to have to come up with a lot more money. Yeah, this divorce turns this thing into a transaction. I want to make sure that you're protecting yourself as well here.

But yeah, rent for a year, like John said. Take it easy. Don't make any big financial decisions right now. And we're rooting for you, man. I'm sorry you're going through this. That puts this hour of The Ramsey Show in the books. My thanks to my co-host, Dr. John Deloney, our phone screener, Austin Selby, our film producer here, Ben Hill, doing a great job. James Childs sitting in as well. And you, America, thanks for listening. We can't do this without you. We'll be back with you before you know it. Until then, spend wisely, save intentionally, and give generously. This is James Child, producer of The Ramsey Show. Did you know The Ramsey Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world? Subscribe or follow

today wherever you listen to podcasts. into podcasting.