The Ramsey Show - App - Working Through Hard Decisions (Hour 3)

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Thank you for joining us, America. Dr. John Delaney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Thank you for joining us. Jessie is in Atlanta starting off this hour. Hi, Jessie. How are you? I'm wonderful. Thank you for taking my call. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So my husband and I have,
Starting point is 00:01:05 um, they read the total money makeover and we worked diligently to get out of debt. And thankfully now we've paid off our debts and we own our home. So we are now in the process. Thank you. Uh, it was actually through your book.
Starting point is 00:01:19 God did amazing things to you. Um, but so now we're in the process of looking towards wealth building. And because of that, I've been looking at podcasts and different videos on wealth building. But I've been noticing a recurring theme among a lot of these very well-known people. And it's that they use these phrases. Everybody has a prenup. Either the government makes one or you make one yourself.
Starting point is 00:01:42 And I have always been someone that thinks very negatively towards prenups. My husband and I, when we were married, granted, we were broke, but we always felt that the word divorce was out of the question and that if you're even considering a prenup, then you're opening yourself up to the possibility of a divorce. So I wanted your opinion as a Christian, as somebody who is wealthy, what is your perspective on prenups, especially in the Christian realm? So it's more in theory because it obviously doesn't apply to you all. Correct, but I guess the reason that I'm asking it is because it kind of helps me in discerning are these people that I should get advice from, like wealth building, is this people that I should be listening to? Well, I don't know who you're listening to, and don't tell me. But typically what happens in something like that is a financial person is –
Starting point is 00:02:35 financial people and legal people both are the world's worst, and I had to break myself of this when I started doing this several years ago, are the world's worst at looking at life through only one lens? Okay. You're asking a question through a relational lens, a spiritual lens, and a wealth building and legal lens. They're only looking at it for wealth protection if if you could live a life which you can't that wealth protection was separated from your relationships and was separated from your spiritual walk you can't but if you could then a prenup would be a slam dunk and in their minds therefore a prenup is a slam dunk
Starting point is 00:03:22 because they only see it through that lens. Does that make sense? Yes. So I wouldn't necessarily discredit them for all of their advice is somehow being a heresy or something like that. I would just say whoever you're listening to is only looking at the advice they're giving through a singular lens. Our approach is we believe that personal finance is 80% behavior, and we've proven that. It's not about math, and it's not about that stuff. So our approach is that the prenup actually could end up stunting your growth because you're not all in on working together so when i first started this show when i first started this show i was a hundred percent never get a prenup under any circumstances don't get married if you love
Starting point is 00:04:15 your stuff more than you love her period just don't do it that's's how I started. Now, having done this a long time, I have one caveat that I've added about a decade ago to this. And that is if two people are getting married, one of them has extreme wealth. There's an extreme difference. Like I had one guy who was marrying a lady who had $10 million and he didn't have two nickels. Okay. I suggested a prenup to them to keep their relationship pure about relationship and not about money. And the bigger reason I suggested to them is my now experience 30 years later has been the prenup in that case is not really for that couple it's for all the weirdos
Starting point is 00:05:07 in their families because all of a sudden crazy mother-in-law swoops in from the other side once the 10 million dollar golden goose shows up and you got to look at then you got a little piece of paper and you look at her and go sorry ma got a prenup can't do nothing and so it gives them a defense mechanism against crazy in their family because one thing we know about wealth is it magnifies everything and that includes crazy so when you got crazy members in your family and you marry 10 million dollars dad gum the crazy comes out you know so in that case i did recommend a prenup in extreme differences but from 99 of the people just regular folk getting married and you know i had one lady call me up one time and said her boyfriend had a 1968 frame up restoration mustang and he wanted
Starting point is 00:05:59 a prenup and you know my answer that's don't marry this bozo he loves his car more than you you know that's not that's the that's the answer to that and that's not a you know that might not jive with these other guys podcasts or whoever it is you're listening to but um most of the time i agree with where you're coming from jesse and that is the prenup is simply planning the divorce in advance oh 52 of the marriages end in divorce no they don't no they don't not when you take out people with four-year degrees not when you take out people who regularly attend a house of worship not when you take out people who the parents on neither side were divorced when you take those statistics out almost 90 of the people make their marriage work oh and you're after you're older than 22 years old and you didn't have a baby before marriage
Starting point is 00:06:49 you can take these things out boom boom boom boom boom success rate of marriage goes way up you make 50 000 a year or more household income you didn't have a baby before marriage you didn't get married in high school you know all these kinds you take all that crap out you got about a 90 survival rate of marriages so that 52 figure includes a whole bunch of other crap going on of people who weren't going to make it anyway so you can't use 52 of marriages into divorce because they really don't jesse i'm going to ask dave a question on your behalf is that cool yeah um so dave let me throw a caveat in here tell me what you think about this um a 55 year old who's done pretty well not extreme wealth um spouse passes away and uh marries a 57 year old who's done pretty well spouse passes away both have kids both have
Starting point is 00:07:38 cousins does it make sense in that situation again to protect from family and if you if you wanted to but you've just got to be very careful because it's uh you're entering you're you're trying to say this stuff the distribution of this stuff is more important than this relationship and man that's dangerous and so if you don't have an basically if you don't have an exit ramp we got to figure this out yeah we got to figure it out yeah a good i mean if you don't trust her to leave your bible to your son from the first marriage whose mom died then don't marry her then don't marry her right you know that's what i'm saying and so i that there's a whole thing that goes into play here but yeah by and large i'm anti-prenup that would because i believe you're planning your divorce believe you're asking for trouble and you know it's it's cheapens the whole affair and puts a dollar figure to it
Starting point is 00:08:31 and i just i'm not doing that now if there's an extreme difference like i said there's a few times it's okay you can talk about it but it's it's a dangerous thing thanks for the question. It's a good one. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Lee is in Cleveland, Ohio. Hi, Lee. How are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Quick question. My parents, they are entering their 70s, and I swear that is the important part. They called a family meeting with me and my sisters, it's three of us girls,
Starting point is 00:09:18 and they wanted to know what our thoughts were on how they leave their basically financial estate behind whether it be a will or a trust and we're not one we didn't expect them to even want our advice because you know it's theirs but now that they're asking not really sure what direction to go they had mentioned a will an estate it's just it's a lot do they have a lot of money um yeah the number they said yeah yeah it's a lot to us what's a lot how much um just south of five million that's a lot very cool that's a lot for the three girls so you guys are going to get over a million apiece when they both die, and they're just trying to plan that out.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Yeah. Okay. They do not have any federal estate tax. What state are they in? Ohio. Okay. You need to find out what the probate tax is in Ohio, but I suspect, like it is in most states,
Starting point is 00:10:24 that the best thing they can do is a simple will. Typically, what will happen in a situation like that would be what we call a mirror image will, where they both do the exact same will, except the names are changed. So his will would say, everything goes to her unless we die his will would say everything goes to her unless we die together and then everything goes to the girls three ways okay and her will would say exactly the same thing everything goes to husband unless we die together and then everything goes to the girls three ways okay so it's not it's not expensive because it's cut and paste
Starting point is 00:11:03 right you do one will and cut and paste the thing. Mirror image will. There's no, again, there's no federal estate tax on an estate of $5 million. The probate is a tax to run it through the probate, and you'd have to find out what it is in Ohio. But I would not go to the expense of a trust. A trust is typically going to run you $3,000 to $5,000 to have an attorney do it, and you don't need it. There's no need for it.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Well, that was the other question. Their intent when they mentioned a trust is to make sure that it is protected so like all three of us girls are married, we're all in our 30s, and they just want to make it so it's ours, and obviously none of us hope or plan for a divorce, but to make sure it's protected, you know, for longevity's sake. Well, if you have the use of the money, it's going into your name, it's not protected. And so if it's sitting over in a trust and you can't touch it,
Starting point is 00:12:04 then it's protected. But that's silly's sitting over in a trust and you can't touch it then it's protected but that's silly you need to have the use of it well they would want us to if it were a trust they would want us to all be um all three of us i i wouldn't do the managers i wouldn't do that okay please don't do that like live off interest i guess yeah now the other thing you can check on it and again the law will change from state to state and i'm not an attorney so two things you need to look at you need to learn about is find out what the probate tax in ohio is okay and in most states and i think this is true in ohio but you need to verify it if you were left a million and a half dollars from your parents and three years later you went through a divorce, the judge would award that money to you.
Starting point is 00:12:51 Really? In most states. Now, it came from your side of the family. He doesn't automatically get it now uh you know if a period of 50 years went by then there may be a different thing okay before you got divorced but um but you know a few years out you know five or ten years something like that in most states you're going the judge is going to cover that and something that came from you know somewhere else. It obviously was your money. It'd be like if you married someone without a prenup.
Starting point is 00:13:28 We were talking about that a minute ago. And you brought money into the marriage, and then you get a divorce shortly thereafter. You're going to take that money out of the marriage in most states. Now, some states have different common law stuff, and so I'd want to learn about that to be 100% sure. But by and large, I really wouldn't overcomplicate this for a million and a half dollars. Sure. Okay. That makes sense.
Starting point is 00:13:51 I would keep my life pretty clean and pretty simple. But learn about it so you can address their concerns. And by the way, that also means they probably ought to talk to an estate planning attorney or two. They have lawyers and so they were kind of running through the options and were running us through the options by way of the lawyers just that were planning their estate okay so they they have lawyers well they could address that those two issues then that i'm talking about probate tax and whether or not you're protected in the event of a divorce without a trust i trust unless you've got a you know
Starting point is 00:14:26 100 million dollars to 20 million dollars 50 million dollars it's a lot it's so cumbersome to deal with and there's some estate planning reason or estate tax reasons to do that when you get up above 20 million right now but uh but prior to that i would just keep my life as simple as I could if I were you guys. Yeah. And I'd be weary of an attorney trying to push a trust on you just because they're going to make an extra $5,000. Yeah. And some of the people in the estate planning world do that. Oh, you need a trust to avoid blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:15:01 No, everybody doesn't need a trust. You really don't. You really, really don't need one that often. So, hey, good question. Thank you for joining us. Michelle is in Dayton, Ohio. Hi, Michelle. How are you?
Starting point is 00:15:14 I'm good, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? To make a long story short, I lost my mom about two years ago to COVID. Her and I lived together my whole life, but the last 12 years we roomed together because her and my dad separated. So I honestly feel like the first year I was numb. The last year I've just kind of been living in survival mode. And long story short, I did stupid about a month ago and, um, went out and traded in my car for a new one. And I realized pretty quick, it was dumb. Um, I was kind of stressed out and I
Starting point is 00:15:54 was going through a box of my mom's stuff. And on top of it was a book that I had never seen before. It was Rachel Cruz's know yourself, know your money. And I started reading that. It kind of turned me on to your guys' show again. My mom listened to you guys here and there. But I guess where I'm at right now is I need to get out from underneath this car, but I'm not really sure what to do. You know, I feel like I need to sell it.
Starting point is 00:16:17 I don't have anything but student loans and the car payment, but it's pretty much topped my budget out. And I'm like, what if something happens in my rent raises or, you know, crazy stuff like that stuff I should have thought about before I did it. But I guess where I'm at is I just don't know how to, you know, what steps to take to get out from underneath this car. I know obviously selling it's probably the best bet,
Starting point is 00:16:41 but I'm pretty sure as soon as you drive it off the lot, I'm going to owe more than what it's worth. And so I'm just trying to get some advice on what to do and where to start. What were you driving before? I had a car I had a 2020 Kia Sportage I traded it in for a new one. Okay how much did they give you for the Kia? I was underwater on that about a thousand bucks. So I put 2,500 down with what they gave me. I ended up putting about a thousand 500 down on the car. Yeah. So I, the car is $30,000 note. Um, 31,000 actually. And you make what? I just got a new job working for the government, so I'm making about $50,000 a year. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:29 You're right. You do need to sell it. Oh, man. What you been through, kiddo? I'm sorry. That was a big-time grieving and stress purchase, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Yeah. I just said I've had a temporary moment of insanity, but at the same time, it's kind of fueled this. How long you had the car? About a month. Go back and talk to the dealer and see how big a check you got to write to get out of it. Okay. That's the first thing. If the check sounds unreasonable, check what the car will sell for, and you're going to have to cover the difference, the hole that you're in. You're right. You're upside down again. And you're going to have to go buy something super cheap
Starting point is 00:18:07 that you can pay cash for and scrape together the money to cover the difference to get out of this thing. But you're right. You need to undo this. And the sooner you undo it, the better, because every day you drive it, it's going down in value even more. This is The Ramsey Show. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values
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Starting point is 00:19:34 slash budget. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. He's also the author of the number one best-selling book, Building a Non-Anxious Life. It's our latest number one bestseller here at Ramsey, and you ought to be able to check it out. In the lobby of Ramsey Solutions, hanging out with us on the stage, Anthony from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Hi, Anthony. How are you? Good. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can we help you today, sir? Just have a question. How do I get my 19- 19 year old stepdaughter to follow the ramsey plan and pay for college cash when she says she'll let her future self worry about the debt your 19 year old stepdaughter your wife's daughter yes okay how long y'all been
Starting point is 00:20:16 married uh 10 and a half years okay so you knew her when she was nine? Yes. And she said, that's a problem for future me? Yes. That's kind of awesome. Yeah. Wow. Who, can I just take a guess here that the other parent is fully on, take out every loan and go get them? Maybe. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:41 Yeah. Okay. So dad, her dad is saying probably yeah future self um so uh well i the couple things i that pop into my head and john you're probably made to address this a lot more than me i'm just thinking like a dad um unless there's a fractured relationship your wife is going to have a better chance of having this conversation than you because you're by definition the stepdad uh unless you're the only hero in this whole story uh with this kid that you've got more credibility
Starting point is 00:21:17 than her actual two parents you know um it'd be nice if she'd listen to your wisdom but you're probably odd man out. And so what we've got to do is get somebody in front of her that she'll listen to. So that's first what I'm looking for is who's she most likely to hear from. And then whoever that is, I'm going to school them just as a dad. This is Dave the dad. One of the hardest times for me in parenting was when my kids grew up and I couldn't tell them what to do anymore it's pissed me off because it was a lot easier when I could just tell them what to do and it's it's I mean and now they're 30 and 40 years old
Starting point is 00:21:55 and I still can't tell them what to do it's just awful I can't even tell them what to do with the grandkids it's awful so um I've had to learn to not use my dad voice. My only shot at dealing with a quote grown up, in this case, a 19 year old, is to speak to them as if they were someone else's kid. And I was trying to persuade them. Like if one of my buddy's kid was going to do this, I would sit down and I would use a different voice than my dad voice. And I'd say say you know i love you and let me walk you through because i love you why i think this is stupid and why i
Starting point is 00:22:32 think it's stupid for you it doesn't affect me you get to do whatever you want to do but one definition of maturity honey is learning to delay pleasure and this little future self thing you've said is an indication you're acting like you're four and that's what i would tell one of my friends kids but um as if they were a caller on this show you know but it's not me using my dad voice because the instant she hears anything other than persuasion as a technique she's gonna click off and move on even if she's physically sitting there she quit listening yeah i i think exactly right i think it's important for you to you and your wife to say here's what our rules and boundaries are for our money and how we're going to support or not support and
Starting point is 00:23:21 then walk your like you said i think you have that conversation. I have found it really helpful when parents own up to some things they have done when they put things off to future self and it humanizes you a little bit. And it's part of the persuasion. You're having an adult to adult conversation, even though she's 19 and you know, she's every bit a child as, as she wasn't, she was 16. Um, okay. I did this one time and that may not work but at least you become more credible instead of just this pointing finger and saying you're gonna i bought a car i couldn't afford and i thought future self would worry about it right and i didn't sleep a lot and it tore me up and i got messed up my credit and it set me back and it's one of the financial decisions i
Starting point is 00:24:03 made that held me back and i just don't want that pain for you because i love you you know that kind of there's also going to be a strange thing that happens um and you'll probably dealt with it her whole life is if she has one parent saying i think you should do this then there's a loyalty thing that gets really dicey and really weird and so sometimes the greatest gift you can say is, I think we were making a mistake. I don't think this is the right move. I love you. And I'm going to be here when you get back. And I've got a plan for you to pay all this mess off. I don't think it's the right thing, but there's that weird loyalty thing that they feel like if they're doing something, even if it's better for them and they know it, that they're
Starting point is 00:24:41 being disloyal and somehow unloving to the other parent. Like this situation is messy. It's just messy. That's why it's important for y'all to get your boundaries straight. We're going to pay for your first semester of college, but it's going to come at this or this or we can put this money on the table, but you can't borrow a dime. If you borrow a dime, you are opting out of this money, whatever. I'm not. I've got $20,000 to put towards your college, but it's not there if you're doing this. If you take out a loan, you're opting out of this money whatever i'm not i've got twenty thousand dollars to put towards your college but it's not there if you're doing this you take out a loan you're opting out of my money
Starting point is 00:25:09 and because i'm not going to support you in doing something that's harmful to you i love you too much i'm not going to buy your drugs if you're a heroin addict and i'm not going to participate in something i think is a mistake and harmful to you not because i'm greedy and not because the money's yours but it's not yours to do harm with because i love you too much and this you need to hear this matter if you're participating if you're not participating in the in the college education at all then you're simply trying to persuade right and i like putting the onus on them because what a good 19 year old will do is when you say i'm not going to put I'm not giving you any of this college money if you um if you take out a loan then man you're the bad guy you're withholding
Starting point is 00:25:52 you don't want me to get educated you don't love me but when you say hey 19 year old you're opting out of this money it's right here the terms of this money are x y and z you're opting out you're a grown-up you get to do that now a similar thing would be in our case with our kids when they were in school. If they were going to misbehave in other ways while at school and they weren't going to make grades while at school, they're opting out. I'm not going to pay for it. I'm not paying for you to go play beer pong. I'm paying for you to go get an education.
Starting point is 00:26:22 And this is not your time to party and daddy pays for it. Screw that. And so we had these conversations early and often as I sent checks into the thing. But this money is contingent. My love is not contingent, but this stream of money coming at your college experience is contingent. And they get to decide whether that money keeps coming. Yeah. By their behavior. Yeah. So you're opting in, you're opting out if you guys are participating. experience is contingent and they get to decide whether that money keeps coming yeah that's their
Starting point is 00:26:45 behavior yeah so you're opting in you're opting out if you guys are participating that's the thing on that but i i think the thing is this it's just a mistake and we've got we got you know she says 44 million people in america that'll tell her it's a mistake they got student loans out there yin yang and they can't breathe and they're waiting on the president to mysteriously make it go away and he's not he can't and he won't um and so it's you know it's a mistake and when you anytime you say the future me that just means i want to buy something now and i'm being a four-year-old on the cereal i'll having a fit because i want fruit loops and so it's a cute saying though i like her that makes me laugh it's kind of it's kind of funny but uh i'll let the future me deal with that. That's kind of funny.
Starting point is 00:27:25 She's got moxie. So we threw a lot at you. What do you think? You're right. We had X amount of money that we said we would give. If she stayed at home, she could have used that for four years. But she decided to dorm and all that's being used the first year. And we said we're not going to co-sign for any loans.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Yeah. Okay. So she used up the money even though she went a direction you said not to do and now it's even gone further and we're not co-signing the loans so now she's going to have to be out of school yeah and that's sad or she'll have to go to a local community college and go for free depending on what state y'all live in right right heaven forbid yeah um i think that's a great option for families yeah great option but you know yeah you you guys yeah so you're for we're further into this than i realized i don't know why i thought a 19 year old wasn't already in school i was thinking this i thought we caught
Starting point is 00:28:14 it ahead of time but i mean this is a beautiful opportunity for you to show here's what the account was there's no dollars left it's empty now yeah you used it and i i kind of made a mistake allowing you to do that and i'm not going to make another one by signing for you for sure and if you need a co-signer you're up a creek so um wow but she probably doesn't need a co-signer she's probably just going to keep rocking well this depends on what school is it expensive private school no it's a public school public school, they're all expensive now, so. Not cheap, but. All right, best of luck to you, man.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Appreciate your question. Thank you. I wish I had a magic wand to make that go away. That's some thoughts for you and you parents out there. One guy called up and said, my daughter told me she's going to this school. And I said, see, that's where it ended at the Ramseys because we did the telling. They didn't do the telling. It's like when someone calls and says, my 11-year-old's addicted to their iPad. I said, no, they're not.
Starting point is 00:29:09 You keep handing it to them. You won't take it away, because you have no spine. This is The Ramsey Show. our scripture of the day proverbs 17 17 a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity mother theresa says some people come into your life as a blessing. Other people come into your life as lessons. There's mentors and there's anti-mentors. I think I'm the blessing for you, Dave. That's it.
Starting point is 00:29:57 That's it. I knew it when I got up this morning. I said, that's it. John, Dr. John Delano. It's my blessing. He's a blessing. Bless me. You are my adversity. I love it. Well, hey, everybody's got to John, Dr. John Delano. It's my blessing. He's a blessing. Bless me. You are my adversity.
Starting point is 00:30:05 I love it. Well, hey, everybody's got to have a gift. Danielle is in New Loudoun, Connecticut. Hi, Danielle. How are you? I'm well. How are you? Better than I deserve.
Starting point is 00:30:16 What's up? So I'm kind of in a place in my marriage where I'm trying to figure out if I should be coming or going. We had twins two years ago, and I think that there was just a lot of unrealistic expectations of having kids together from him to me. And he was just very disconnected from them the first year and a half. So he started connecting with them through counseling and it's almost like you're too late, I guess. It's, there's no, there's no, I don't have those feelings anymore. And it's like the more suggestions counseling comes up with, the more it's almost like cringy. Like, I'm like, I don't, I don't want to do that. You know, maybe if you did this,
Starting point is 00:31:26 that and the other, you know, maybe 18 bottles, you know, in the first year I would have gladly, you know, accepted to want to go on a date or X, Y, Z, but I'm just, so are you, are you, are you leaving your marriage? I'm pretty close to it yeah and what I've got from this call is um your husband did not do a good job during the first year year and a half of having twins dropped in the house and because of that um he sounds like he is trying to work on it and fix things and you're saying nope your punishment for those first 18 months is i'm out in a sense yeah it sounds like you're out of the marriage and this has become a great exit strategy for you a story that allows you a past in your mind to leave in a sense yeah okay so what's your question um i guess i'm not trying to just leave like i said
Starting point is 00:32:32 it's i mean it sounds like that's exactly what you're doing and i understand that but what i'm just trying to advise is what else can i do at this point if If I, I don't know, we're trying with marriage counseling. I see the connection now he's building with our kids. I just don't know how to keep trying. I, I think you know how to keep trying. I don't think you want to. Yeah. Here's the deal. Y'all got to build something completely new. I think you know how to keep trying. I don't think you want to.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Yeah. Here's the deal. Y'all got to build something completely new. And he sounds like he is really trying to build something new. And you're just standing there in the rubble. And you don't want to pick up a hammer. And you're waiting for that hammer to feel right. It's never going to feel right right the feelings will follow the action
Starting point is 00:33:27 and so either you decide i'm gonna go all in we're gonna figure this thing out or i'm gonna stop suffocating everybody in the house with i don't know i'm just waiting for like you see what i'm saying no I understand what you're saying. You've got to fight for your marriage in the same way he seems to be fighting for your marriage. What am I missing? There's a lot more pieces to it, but for this short synopsis, like I said, I just got used to doing everything on my own. And so now that someone's now coming around trying to help, it's just, it feels like it's a ploy. Like, how long is this going to last?
Starting point is 00:34:22 Because it's kind of what happened before. It's just, I'll do this for a little bit, and then it stops. Are your parents divorced? Yes. How old were you when your dad left? Maybe 10. I think you're still pissed at him uh biological no uh i have no hard feelings towards any of my parents bull okay you've i don't i ask me your question Cause I really don't know. I don't know how I can help.
Starting point is 00:35:05 What you're telling me is it's a very syrupy feelings. Like I just don't feel like now, if you came back and said, no, the dude was abusive, dude cheated on me a lot. And he's trying to weasel his way back in. That's a whole different conversation.
Starting point is 00:35:21 But what, and I know we have very compressed time, but what you're telling me right now is I had to do a lot of work the first 18 months because he was off working when I had twins and it killed me. And now I got used to doing things alone and I don't want his help anymore. And so I'm just going to divorce him. That's what I'm hearing. I can't be right. Nope. That's it? Well, we both work. So it's not just that he's working. We both were working during this. He just mentally disconnected from helping me raise our two kids, even though he has other two kids.
Starting point is 00:36:04 I got you. But listen to me. That was yesterday. We're here today. Okay. So let's make a choice about today. If you're going to leave your marriage because your husband is trying to make things right and learn a new way of helping, and admittedly, he sucked the first 18 months, and he's trying his best, and you're like, no, I'd rather do it myself.
Starting point is 00:36:26 You have to own that decision. Mm-hmm. And if you're going to leave him over that, then you've got to own that decision. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I'm missing something. But I'll say this.
Starting point is 00:36:41 If you're trying to heal a marriage, any level of it being broken, the same as if you're trying to heal a marriage, any level of it being broken, the same as if you're trying to get in shape, the same as if you're trying to get out of debt, if you wait for it to feel right, you're never going to do it. You have to just take wild action in the direction of the thing you want to be different. Whether that's losing weight, whether that's getting out of debt, whether that's saying, I'm going to fight to the death for this freaking marriage. And you suck the last two years
Starting point is 00:37:09 and we're going to make this right. I'm in. And if absent of that, it's just going to be this, ah, it doesn't feel good. And it doesn't. And by the way, if you look around at our culture,
Starting point is 00:37:19 we're a feeling to death culture. We all wait for everything to feel the right way. It's not going to get that way. What you're going to do is you're going to run like wild in the direction of what you want, which is an amazing marriage and some help around the house and two awesome kids with two great parents and then you're going to wake up one day and realize this
Starting point is 00:37:38 feels really awesome. Yeah. But that choice is yours. I can't make that for you. Yeah. No, I know. I appreciate it. Yeah. I feel like I'm missing something, Dave.
Starting point is 00:37:55 I don't know. I don't know what we're missing. I don't know. I've got an opinion, but it's harsh, so I'll just keep it to myself. Yeah. I would like America to see that Dave Ramsey's maturing, getting older. but it's harsh, so I'll just keep it to myself. I would like America to see that Dave Ramsey's maturing, getting older. I think this is an important step in the show's evolution. Well, I don't want to sit beside a PhD in counseling and have counseling ideas.
Starting point is 00:38:20 It's a bad idea. No, bring it. Bring it. It's a bad idea. I think she's still pissed at her dad. I'm just being a pop psychologist, though. and so the first time her husband screwed up she transferred it i just moved it over yeah she just moved it over to him yeah and so this is this is our way of hitting back at her dad but i'm i'm really reaching here yeah is that is that possible
Starting point is 00:38:39 i think your body puts a pin in that pain and you wait for it and wait for it and it goes there it is there it is, there it is. Somebody's not doing what they're supposed to do. All right, I'm out. Somebody's not doing what they're supposed to do. Yep. I'm not going to, yeah. Your body throws that wall up, and it's game over.
Starting point is 00:38:53 Yeah. I could be wrong. I mean, I'm just a novice at this stuff. I get to sit next to you, though. So there's that. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show in the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus. Take care.

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