The Ramsey Show - App - You Can Do What You Love if You Don’t Owe Anybody Anything (Hour 1)

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where we help you win in your life. We're going to help you win with your money, with your relationships, and in your work. 888-825-5225 is the phone number. 888-825-5225 is the phone number, 888-825-5225. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me this hour. And we are here for you.

So let's get to it. Anne is going to start us off in Raleigh, North Carolina. Anne, how can we help? Hi. Hi. So basically, I am a recent graduate from North Carolina A&T, and I have been struggling to find my passion in graphic design and that world, and I just really need help on trying to figure out my passion,

and I also need help on trying to figure out my finances and find the right career to help me pay my student loans. Okay. How much debt do you have? I am in $25,000 worth of debt. That's including credit cards and student loans. Okay. And what is your income right now as a graphic designer?

Well, probably like less than $1,000 a month. Are you just freelance, part-time? I'm a freelance graphic designer, and I also work as a part-time customer service representative. Okay, and so when someone tells me I'm trying to find my passion, the way I define passion is just find something I really enjoy doing, right? There's some meaning in it. It's enjoyable. So we're on the same page with that. So correct. Yes. So when someone tells me, well, I haven't found it in graphic design, that tells me that at some point you chose graphic design as a destination or a direction based on what you know about yourself. Is that fair? That is true. Okay. So let's forget graphic

design. Let's just take, let's just take that out of the equation. Let's not worry about titles, the type of work. I want you to just fill out for me, just kind of real quick, don't even overthink it. What would you do tomorrow if I paid you what you needed to make and you just were like, I'm going to try this tomorrow. I may try this for two weeks. I'm not committing the rest of my professional life to it. I just think I'd like to try this, Ken, and just see if I'd like it.

What pops to the top of your mind? Becoming an illustrator and doing animation. Well, that just flowed right off the top, huh? How much have we thought about that? Well, I've always wanted to do that. Like, since I was a child, I knew I wanted to create cartoons and illustrations, but I feel like people don't want to see that, and I don't feel like I can actually do that and make money.

Now we're on to something, Dr. John. We've got a lot of imposter syndrome going on here. I doubt that anybody will like the illustrations that I will draw. Fair? Yes, that is true. The giggle reveals every time. All right. So, so this is, I want John to weigh in on this because I think this is, this is no question of mindset. This is a mental thing too, but I'm going to tell you that you're just dealing with good old fashioned doubt. What we now call imposter syndrome is such a goofy phrase. Number one, you're not an imposter.

You're the real deal. If I talked to everybody that knows you, Ann, they would tell me that Ann was doodling and drawing her whole life. I'd have teachers tell me about your talent. I'd have coaches. I'd have parents, siblings, friends. Everybody would say that Ann is not an imposter in wanting to do illustrations and animations. And I can also tell you that you don't have a disease. Okay? You just are dealing with some good old-fashioned doubt, and doubt to me is defined as, I don't believe that something good will happen if I move forward on this.

And so you chose something that was close to animation and illustration, right? Yes, correct. All right. So let's just simplify this for a second. And I want to bring John in. He's always got great insight on what we're thinking and feeling, but I just want to be very practical for you, okay? The step forward on this is very simple. You need to identify all the different types of jobs and work that are in that illustration animation field. I mean, to the top of the

Disney animators, all the way down to what an entry-level role would be doing this for this. Okay, you know that world better than I do, and in about an hour online, you could get a pretty exhaustive list of all the types of jobs in those fields. True or false? That is true. That is true. Disney is my number one company I want to work for. but that's true. Great. I'll come back to that in just a second, but I've got to hurry. Okay? So I'm going to identify what's out there, and then I'm going to ask myself four questions. You've got something to write with? Yes, I do.

Okay, here we go. First question is, once I've seen all these different types of jobs that I know allow me to illustrate or animate, do the thing that I love, that allow me to grow, now I've got to ask this question. What education do I need? May or may not be a degree. You just graduated anyway. Do you need further licensing certification? That's what I mean. Okay. So do I need to learn anything more? Okay. Now I had to ask, what do I need to do? What's the experience I need to eventually get to Disney? So I'm looking at entry level. I got to start here. Then I climb here. That's what do I need to do? And I begin to see what a potential path would look like. The third question is, what is that going to cost me?

What's it going to cost me? If I got to do some additional training, there's a cost to that. You're in debt, right? And then fourth, how long is this going to take based on the fact that I got $25,000 in debt, based on the fact that I got $25,000 in debt, based on the fact that I got basically a part-time job right now? And so I look at what's going to cost and how long will it take, and now I've got myself a plan. Do you understand those four questions? Yes. What do I need to learn? It's actually a non-perfect question. Great. What do I need to learn? What do I need to do? How much is it going to cost? How long is it going to take? And all of a sudden, it's not so so intimidating not this big giant mountain you have to climb

you tracking with me that is true it's perfect okay now john i want you to jump in what are you i'll leave you with this and you said this um there's a there's a great researcher who researches imposter syndrome and she says um the definition of imposter syndrome is the fear that the world is judging you as harshly as you judge yourself. Wow. So today that crap ends. Fair? Yes. That is true.

I need to stop it. Yes. And here's how you stop it, though. That's good. You don't just walk around the house chanting it because that makes you a weirdo. And you don't make some vision board and light candles under it. Here's what you do. You draw every single day. Every day at 5 a.m. to 6 a.m. before your job, you draw or 6 a.m. to 7

p.m. or 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. But every single day of your life, you draw and what's going to happen in two years, three years, you're going to have an entire portfolio and you're going to start finding this crazy thing called your voice. And then you've practiced and then you got better and you know what you're going to start doing? Loving it. And then ding, ding, you found this silly thing called passion, right? Here's the last thing I'm going to tell you. And this is the least popular thing I'm going to leave you with. The worst thing an artist can do is owe somebody money.

Because that means you have to you have to hedge you have to sand off the edge of who you are in order to please somebody else so you can get paid that is true so i think in in addition to what ken told you in addition to drawing every day i want you to go get two or three or four jobs and pay this freaking 25 grand off. Not sexy, not towards a thing. Maybe you can find that and that'd be amazing if you get one in an animation house in North Carolina or something. But I want you to just get this debt out of your life. Then you can afford to go be an intern when they offer it to you.

Then you can afford to get seven roommates in New York and go be an illustrator for a small-time print house shop or whatever the thing is, the next step is. But get this debt out of your life so that you don't have to cash in your integrity for art. So good. So true. You got this, Ann. Let's increase our income while we're planning for the future. Get this debt out of your life and you are on your way. No more doubt. I love it. Good stuff. Thanks for the call. And this is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. So excited that you are with us. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me. We're here for you this hour. Taking your money questions, relationship, mental health, work-related questions, 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. Fabulous studio audience today.

We've got a big crowd out there, John, so always fun. We'd love for you to come watch the show in the lobby and come out and say hi, take some pics, and don't forget, thanks to Papa Dave, you get some coffee and baked goods. It's all free and subsidized. I think this crew got on the internet and realized dave wasn't going to be here and they were like it's time for us to go then that's right they're like let's party with ken and john that's not what they said not even close they were like

oh man yeah they're disappointed we're gonna try to do our best today uh we won't be grumpy like dave lucky ken and i both have um a lot of practice disappointing people all the way back to our high school dating days. Wow, that's rather generous. I think much earlier for me. You must have had a much better run at it. Disappointing people for a long time. Yeah, we're used to it.

Let's go to Toronto, Canada now where Adam is there. Adam, how can we help? Hey, how are you guys doing today? We're doing great. What's going on? So I've got a, just looking for some advice. I'm a small business owner, and I'm working on the side of owning my business, as well as I'm in school right now for business.

But I'm just trying to figure out what the big next move is, and if it's worth it for me to keep working on the side. And yeah, like I said, just kind of some advice. Okay. When you say you're trying to figure out what the next move is, you got an idea? Yeah, I do have an idea. I'm planning on investing some money into my business and scaling up a little bit. And it's a contracting company, so we do construction renovations to people's homes and things like that. So I'm looking to try and – I'm thinking the right idea is to hire on a couple more guys

and get a truck and trailer and have a couple of crews going. The job I'm working separately right now is quite lucrative for being just like a part-time job that's on weekends and what are you doing and how much are you making off of that it's a subcontracting gig uh doing painting and it's it's the hours kind of vary like we we start really early and we're done around noon hour but it's about $100 an hour. Okay. And so is that your main income or is the contracting business your main income?

It's more steady, for sure. My contracting generates more revenue when it does. You know what I mean? It's kind of when it rains, it pours type type of deal what are you making as a painter on the weekends what's your what's your gross like per year yeah yeah last year probably just doing it on the weekends about 50 50,000 okay And how much money are you considering sinking into this contracting business? Probably about 30, I'd say. 30,000? Is that payroll for new guys and or equipment, or does that include everything you were mentioning? That'd be the equipment and a

startup payroll for a month for a couple of guys and then the truck and the trailer and everything. You got $30,000 sitting in a bank account? I got $20,000, $25,000 roughly, but with expenses going on with the business. And like I said, I'm in school right now, so life is a little more expensive than I'd like it to be. All right, so you called John and I and you're going, all right, I need some advice.

Which way are you leaning? Because we've got a snapshot of the financial picture, and I think we've got a pretty good snapshot of your personal schedule. So I'm leaning one way, but I'm curious, what were you considering? You're going, all right, John, Ken, tell me what you think. I'm definitely leaning towards investing in myself and my future, like my business. I don't want to work for, I want to work for myself in my future, like my business. I don't want to work for, I want to work for myself in the future for sure. But I just, I'm kind of at a point now where I don't really know what to, what is the smartest move to do next. Like if I should rather than be getting tools and another truck and trailer and whatnot, should I be potentially looking into stock options? No, no, no. What are you in school for?

What are you learning? I'm in for a general business program at a college. You're making $100 an hour at a trade, and you're running a crew making an additional group. What is this going to teach you? I kind of wonder the same thing every day. I started my business while I was in school, so I didn't have this business before I went to school. I feel like it's the reason why I started the business. Adam, listen, if you cut the school right now, I'm not telling you to do it, but if

you did, how much time and money would you be saving that would allow me to advance this goal of having the cash necessary to launch into my own business, or excuse me, not launch, to grow the business? I mean, that's time and money. How much would that advance the goal? A lot, because it definitely alters my schedule with how much I can be on the job. How old are you? Marketing, I'm 22. Yeah. All right. I got one, two, three degrees after the age of 22. You're fine. If you're making a hundred bucks an hour and that part-time gig can help float the creation

of a brand new business and that's what you envision yourself doing 10 or 15 years down the road. And by the way, you're learning skills and getting contacts, doing your side hustle. That's going to help you with, you have a moment right now, bro. Why wouldn't you just take the moment? And if it doesn't work out, all right, fine. I'm going to go back to school. And you see what I'm saying? I, I totally do. Uh, this is however, my last, I'm in my last semester of schooling. We'll lead with that next time, dude. Yeah, that would help us. Why wouldn't you pause your business and work two or three more days a week making $100 an hour? I agree with that.

Save up your cash, finish your degree. You're trying to do everything all at the same time. Yep. I would paint more. Hey, John's right, Adam. Finish the degree. My goodness, now you've got one semester left. Finish it.

I would make more money painting. I would stack up more than just the $30,000 for that initial. I would stack up, if I were you, I would paint full-time, which you're not. I don't have the availability to do that. It's more, it's kind of like a... Fair. But hold on. You can make $ bucks painting for this one

contractor, but you can also put up signs and do paint on your own. You're developing a reputation. Yeah. He would not pay you a hundred bucks if you weren't really good at it. You can make more money. What we're saying is within your schedule, you need to make more money painting, save up, I would say a minimum of six months of operating cash for the construction contracting business. Six months. Okay. Yeah. And then I would invest in it. But invest smart, man. I wouldn't buy a machine when I could rent the same machine.

Okay, yeah. Well, the equipment I'd be buying is, like, just truck and trailer. I've already got a truck and a trailer right now. But my point is, don't get a brand-new truck and a brand-new trailer. Buy the oldest possible truck you can get that still runs. So you're on the same page with us. I just think you were calling and asking for permission, something you didn't need.

I would finish the degree at this point because it feels like we've got sunk costs. Let's go ahead and get it. It doesn't hurt you. Yeah. But then be smart, man. Stack cash and grow slow. That's the goal. Okay. You got it it the thing that burns young

construction crews is debt that's right they go buy the biggest truck a couple big trailers all new tools hire the guys and everything gets off to a blazing start and then there's a dip in the market there's a dip in the whatever um somebody cuts their prices and all of a sudden that debt payment still has to happen and it gets. Or your workers don't show up. But you still got to be making those truck payments, right? That's right. Just get you in trouble. How many times have we heard Dave talk about the growth here at Ramsey

that we would move at the speed of cash? Yeah, that's right. And I think that's one of the great phrases of all time. Because you get to make that relative to your environment. Right. So some of you are out there going, okay, I don't have Adam's situation. I think what John is saying is applicable to you too. It's just move at a moderate conservative pace so that you limit, mitigate your damage.

What do you tell somebody who, like this guy, and you talk to so many people in this space. I'm interested because just for my own personal. He wants to own a contracting business. I want to redo kitchens. Yet people keep hiring me to paint. And I got a gift of painting. I don't want to be a painter. I want to be a this, right?

I don't want to be the bass player. I want to be the lead guitarist. You're the best bass player around. And you always have work. At what point do you say, I'm going to lean into into this other thing because the universe seems to be telling me the answer is immediately and often lean into painting while i'm growing this over here so play bass guitar in every band you can get and keep sitting in your basement practicing because contracting is hiring subs out anyway where the painting he is the talent right so i think your advice to him was great,

and I love that. Yeah, really good. All right. Hey, we've got to do a couple commercials, and we'll be right back. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman.

Dr. John Deloney is joining me alongside, and we are here for you, 888-825-5225. I don't know if you've heard us talk about it, but we're pretty excited. We've got this brand new event called Total Money Makeover Weekend, obviously based on the wildly popular book by Dave Ramsey, Total Money Makeover. And this is happening May 10 and 11. It's going to be right here on our campus in our fabulous event center.

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Yeah, I do. And I just left a planning meeting earlier today. Are you doing something a little fun? Well, not near as fun as you guys, but it's a departure from the normal. Yeah, I'm excited about it. Stand up there and lecture. It's different, so I'm pretty excited about it. I'm really excited about it to just be total doofus. And that's all I'm going to say.

I don't want to give it away, but it's going to be fun. I mean, you never know. I might eat a pita pocket on stage. I know. I might. I don't know. I'm going to be sitting behind you just juggling pomegranates, just hanging out and having fun. Jade's all into food. The grocery segment. We'll leave it there. That's all we're going to do. We don't know. I'm going to be sitting behind you just juggling pomegranates, just hanging out and having fun. Jade's all into food.

The grocery segment. We'll leave it there. That's all we're going to do. We don't know. We don't know what it's going to be. By the way, that kind of goes together. What's that? Come to the Total Money Makeover weekend.

It's pita pockets and pomegranates. A lot of peas. I like that. Good stuff. All right, let's get to Brett, who's joining us in Detroit, Michigan. Brett, how can we help? Hi, what's going on? Me and my wife got married last year, and we have about $250,000 in a high-yield savings account

that's separate from our emergency fund, and we were wondering what we should use that money for. We have a house that we have a mortgage on. So we're wondering if we should put it towards the mortgage and pay that off early, if we should put more towards the savings, just trying to get some insight on where we should use that money. How much is left on the mortgage? $280,000. And you have no debt, is that right? No debt. We both started working right from out of high

school and have zero debt, have paid for cars. And the mortgage is the only thing. Well, you're familiar with our baby steps, I'm assuming, since you made this call today, right, Brett? Yeah. Brett, tell us what baby step six is, loud for everybody in the back. Pay off your house. What is this quarter of a million dollars that you have in in liquid cash what is it what is it giving you five percent which is not even what my question not that oh you would brett you spreadsheet her what is it giving get it giving you? That's good. A peace of mind kind of sitting there. What's the peace of mind?

I don't know, honestly. Just that I have the money there because I've kind of thought about changing my career path, which is kind of why I didn't want to get rid of it. Okay, hey, let's stay right there. Let's stay right there. I'm going to ask questions, and John will just pick away at you how about that we're gonna tag team this you're ready tag team tag team back here we go wwe okay um what career would you pivot to that i'm not sure right now i own a landscaping company okay and it's all right... All right. Doesn't matter. It's a busy life. All right. So let's

say we pivot, Brett pivots to career X. All right. Yep. What is risky in your mind? I want you to be realistic here for John. What's risky about that move? What would you have to do to where you would need the $250,000, Brett, as smart as you are? What would you have to do? Lose more than that in a bad investment? That's about the only thing. But that's not happening. I'm not even talking about investment. I'm saying you go get qualified for said thing that we don't know, okay?

Yeah. And you go after it. What would have to happen for you to need this $250,000 given your financial situation? Pretty much nothing, honestly. Yeah. I don't, I can't think of anything honestly that would need it. Especially if my wife, I guess if my wife stopped working, if something happened and she couldn't work. She's not going to do that. Here's the, here's the big question I've got. Close your eyes. Are they closed? Can I do, she's not going to do that. Here's the big question I've got. Close your eyes.

Are they closed? Can I do this as well? You can do this. Okay. Your house is paid off and you don't owe anybody anything. And you start feeling a little bit nervous. Would you borrow, take a HELOC out on your house at 5% to put $250,000 in an account? Would that make you feel better?

No. No. What would be awesome about changing jobs is having not a single payment on planet earth. Nobody owes, you don't owe anybody anything. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Because the moment you walk out, you're going to have this 250 K in, in an, in a, in an account, right? And there is some security in there. Don't get me wrong. No question about it. Yeah. But the first thing you're going to have to do when you make this job leap to whatever it is,

is figure out how you're going to pay your mortgage because you owe $280,000. Imagine that's gone. Okay. And then the first thing you're going to decide is where do i really want to work because i don't have any bills yeah by the way brett the ideas come really freely when we have zero stress at all and as smart as you've been with your money you've identified with john that you've got some stress over actually liquidating this money to pay your house off that's what this is yeah i definitely do i know that that is what this is. Yeah, I definitely do.

I know. That is what it is. And by the way, we get it, but we just heard this call 800 times, just different name, different location, and there's a psychology to letting go of this. Yeah, it's a misaligned security. You think you're safer because you have this cash. Make no mistake, having that much cash,

there's not a lot that can hit you that you're not going to be able to take care of. And you signed a piece of paper that told somebody else, I'm going to end up giving you $280,000 plus interest for this thing that you let me have early, this house. And so that money's technically not even yours anymore. It's already somebody else's on a promissory note. You're just holding it and you're making them rich. Right? So if I'm you, do you have an emergency fund already paid out?

I mean, already saved up? Yeah. Yeah, there's about $30,000 in a separate account for an emergency fund. Okay. I'm not giving you any ratios. I'm not giving you any principles. I'm just telling you what John Delaney would do in John Delaney's house. I would take 20 of that, 225, and I would get an even, Stephen, $50,000 in an emergency fund,

and I would take every other penny of it, and I would put it towards my house. And then I would look at my wife and say, let's do a wild sprint, and by August 1st, let's have no mortgage. Are you in? That's what I would do in my house. Yeah. Yeah. And Brett, I agree with you 100%. I was thinking juice that emergency fund where you get a little bit of, you know,

a little bit more stability. It's like that little blankie. You're like, okay, that's a pretty good emergency fund. And then I would focus on the raise you guys are going to get when you pay that last house payment. I've already started doing that with one of my kids going to school. And, you know, I'm like, I just got a raise.

Exactly. I just think it's what you focus on. And John's right. I thought that was a brilliant analysis. What's your monthly mortgage payment? Like $2,600. Dude, how many lawns do you have to mow in Michigan to make $2,600? A lot.

Yeah. I got that as about a $32,000 raise with some quick math, and I didn't go to a good school, so you need to check my math. Yeah. It's about $32,000, isn't it? I mean, that's the focus. Brett, you have no house payment in short order and a $32,000 raise, which may set you up nicely to make this professional pivot,

whatever it is, and no stress. I love it. Way to go, Brett. I think that's awesome. Oh, I love it. Oh, my goodness, folks. That's the conversation about money and how we attach it to all of our fears and everything.

Great stuff. Doc, I'm going to send him a bill. I thought that that was really good. You should charge him a little extra for that. I'm going to. This is The Ramsey Show. Welcome back to The Ramsey Show. Thrilled to have you with us.

I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney is in studio with me as well. We're here for you. You got your money questions, relationship questions. How about work questions? You want to get that bigger shovel? John and I are here for you this hour, 888-825-5225. Alyssa is up next in Philadelphia. We just met some nice folks from Philadelphia in the lobby. It's Philadelphia today, or day today. Boy, that was

a mouthful. Not sure. Alyssa, rescue me. How can we help? Well, I'm going to start by saying I feel like I'm talking to a bunch of cousins I haven't seen in forever. We listen to you guys all the time, so this is kind of trippy. That's so funny. What's up, cuz? I hope we're the cool cousins, not the... No, totally. No.

The slightly awkward ones. I thought that's where you were going, which I would understand. What's up? Well, to just get the sad part out of the way, a month ago today, my father passed away. Oh, man. One month ago? One month ago today. Oh, wow.

I apologize if some tears happen here. No, it's okay. No apologies. What happened? Well, he was fighting stage four cancer. Nice. It was unexpected in that it was just diagnosed in October. And he had surgery in November, started chemo in December. And then January 25th,

he was my mother found him in their living room unresponsive. So he was only 62. And it's just it's just insult to injury in this whole situation. So I already know the end of this conversation is going to be you guys telling me I have to have a difficult conversation. I know that. My question is in the how and the when. So since this happened, my mother has been staying with us. Like I said, she found him. She found him in their home. And so it's a whole layers of just

trauma and grief in this. I do have two or four small children and not the biggest of homes. So we've been making it work, but it's not the best of the best relationship to begin with. Um, she's got some undiagnosed mental things, namely bipolar disorder. Um, and that's something that my father really took on himself to kind of shield us from. He did leave her with a $500,000 life insurance policy, which gives me some breathing room, but that's a whole nother thing that I I've never done this before. I don't even know how to start telling her to live off of that. But, um, it kind of, the question comes in is, I know Dave always says you don't make those big moves in tragedy like this for at least six months, but we can't keep living like this. There are no boundaries that she will accept. Um, she's,

she, it's to the point where she's actually sleeping in a bedroom with two of my children, and I wake up in the morning and they're snuggling in bed with her. It's just, there's no healthy boundaries. And it's not giving room for any of us to grieve in a healthy way. This is different than the six-month thing, okay? The six-month thing would be selling her house and moving her into your place or selling her house and fill in the blank if she has the money to keep her place if the house is paid off that's what we're talking about when it comes to six months this is a wild tragedy came upon you right yeah and uh let's take it away from your dad because it's a really heavy moment um like all of a sudden the deloney house is flooding and i call ken and i'm like hey can my family come

crash at your place can be like absolutely we'll figure it out and i bring the delonys and we crash in his living room um that is not the new normal that is ken saving my family for an evening or maybe even two evenings right and then it's my responsibility to get to a place where then i can grieve and begin to make decisions and so the conversation is not going to be as difficult as you think it is unless your mom chooses to react in any number of unhelpful ways you can't control that at all period okay right the greatest gift you can give your mom is for you to be well and whole so that you can walk alongside her in the next season and for you to be well and whole you need boundaries in your home period okay so the conversation is something along the lines of, Mom, we got to get you home,

and I got to get my house back in order. I'm willing to walk with you X, Y, and Z, and you and your husband talk about what that looks like. I'm willing to go to the probate and help probate this thing, and we start getting checking accounts and insurance and all the death certificates, all that stuff. I'm happy to walk alongside you and help you. Or I'm happy to completely step back

and let you do this. You tell me. This part is happening and then I'm asking you for what role you want me to play moving forward. And then the most important part of this is by March 1st, by March 15th,

you've got to be back at home. We have to put a date on it. Do what? How do I walk that? Number one, like you said, I don't know how she's going to respond. She could be totally level-headed one day and the next hour that that switch comes but i also have that element of she said to me you know that's where he died i can't we can't even walk into that house so i'm trying to walk the line of grace but i completely agree with you i got you and then it might be time for a one-bedroom apartment it might be time for one of your sisters or brothers to stand up if it was my mom and my dad's home i would recommend to my mother that she get a one-bedroom apartment near my family or near my sister and my brother because there is

absolute um and the environment's going to play a huge thing a huge role and over a three-month lease she's going to go back there for an hour she's going to go back there for an hour and 30 minutes she's going to go back there and deal with clothes and then have to leave right so this is a an exposure a slow over time it has to happen you can't just never go back in there again right um unless she looks at you and says i'm never going in that home again you and your brothers and sisters sell everything get rid of everything i'm never going back there again well okay then we're gonna have to go sit with an attorney and have her sign over a bunch of stuff and it changes the dynamic none of this though is um you're spending a lot of time in your mind scenario after scenario after

scenario and what you're doing is you're just making yourself mad rehearsing potential things just go put the thing on the table and let's get to the reality part of it all. Yeah. Rip the bandaid off. Okay. And you cannot control what she does or says afterwards, period. And I hate that for you, but you can't. I do have a quick financial question. You said that she got a $500,000 life insurance policy? Pending the autopsy, yes, that is what's going to come to her. Okay. And does she owe anything, any debt at all, or anything on the house?

They do owe on the mortgage, yes. How much? I think it's around $260,000, $270,000. Yeah. I'm only asking that, John, because I feel like if a part of everything else you said, you lay out, okay, Mom, if you don't ever want to go back there again, here are our options. Here's math. Yeah.

Okay. So we can pay the house off. And, well, at this point, just sell it. Yeah. I'm sorry. So just sell the house. And then whatever she makes on it. So let's say she's going to walk away with $200,000 for round numbers.

And then she's got the $500,000. So now she's got 700 000 the one bedroom apartment or whatever that john's talking about is a part of the healing process and and you just kind of explain to her hey you're going to be in great shape financially and and if she can't get back in there and that's too much to overcome but it's all about her leaving the house yes the challenge is that most people want to start because it's easier they want to start with the spreadsheet yeah that's right and what i want you to do is ask your mom to invite you into the parts of what comes next that she

wants you around for okay see what i'm saying and she might say everything or she might say if you're kicking me out then you're done okay yeah right and that's going to be heartbreaking you're going to have to grieve that part of your of your mom's transition but uh and you're going to feel like i lost my mom and my dad which is not is sadly not um uncommon right um or it's not yeah it happens more regularly than you would think that you just kind of lose everything all at once hopefully that's not the case here but you're going to get some pushback. Right now her body feels safe wrapped around her grandbabies. And what you're saying is I need to get my home back. Do you have brothers and sisters that can help share the load here?

I have one brother who has cut off all communication with her because of how she is. Okay. All right. That's just, yeah. That's tough. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a mess.

Hang in there, Alyssa. Appreciate the call. Wow. Tough stuff. All right. That's going to do it for this hour. I want to thank Dr. John Deloney, my co-host. I want to thank James Childs, our fearless leader, and all of the gang behind the glass to keep us on the air. And mostly we want to thank you, America, for joining in. This is your show. This is The Ramsey Show. I'll see you next time.