The Ramsey Show - App - You Can’t Help Others While You’re Drowning Yourself (Hour 2)

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Dave Ramsey & Jade Warshaw answer your questions and discuss:  "Should we pay cash to build a house or invest that money?" Pausing the Baby Steps to save for a funeral, "Should I give money to my friend?" Focusing on debt vs. increasing income, Budgeting with a baby on the way, "I want a divorce but cannot afford it" Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Join a Personality-led FPU class. Click here! Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving, and storage studios, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love and create actual amazing relationships. Open phones here at 888-825-5225. Thank you for joining us, America. Jade Walsh, our Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Thank you for being here, America.

888-825-5225. Craig's in Nashville. Hi, Craig. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, thanks for having me sure what's up so i am soon to be married to my fiance and we are both young i'm 21 she's 23 we both have well-established jobs i make roughly 30 an hour now i'm expected to go to $35 in the next year. She makes $27, and of course, she can go higher in the next few years. We're both very early in our careers. And my fiancee

is, she has over $250,000 in liquid cash. She has $10,000 in debt um i have roughly 60 i've bought seven acres that i still have 60 on i guess we do plan on building a house so i guess what i'm wondering is can we spend that money on the house and basically live mortgage free or should we invest that money in something else? Wow. Where'd she get $250,000 cash at 21 years old? Well, her father died when she was 10, and her parents were divorced at the time, so she was the sole heir. So everything that he owned did go to her. Of course, she couldn't take the rest of it until she turned 18,

and she has recently sold the property, and she has this money. What do you do for a living? I'm electrician in nashville what does she do she is a dental assistant with expanded functions phenomenal when do you guys get married uh october of next year oh next year 2024 yes 24 Why the delay? Planning, really. I mean, she's always dreamed of the biggest princess, over-the-top wedding. Not that we'll spend a ridiculous amount of money on the wedding. It's just, especially booking venues nowadays, I mean, you're a year out from, you call it a day,

you're at least a year out from today for a lot of places. Who's paying? Her parents will front the majority of the money. Not that we won't lean on some of her money but we don't plan on paying for the wedding ourselves and the budget the budget out of your pocket will be about what do you think uh i don't imagine it being over five to ten thousand dollars have you had this discussion with her with her i don't really care what you imagine i was asking what the real budget is yeah well i mean if her parents are paying you need to sit down with them and her and you yeah because that enters into the discussion of this

250 i mean if you're going to spend 100 on a wedding and you need to know that you know yeah absolutely no no no i heard what you said i also heard that the prince super princess wants a 18 months to plan a wedding that's off the chart and i don't you don't get those for 10k yeah so i don't know what we're doing i guess you can but you guys need to know what you're doing. You do. Now, in the meantime, if you're over a year out from this, can you get your debt cleaned up in that time or a good portion of it? I think I could probably get 10 of mine cleaned up. 10? Yes, I have. Part of that 60, I have roughly 10 and just miscellaneous personal loans.

I got a boat loan and I got a car loan. Both of them are under $5,000. Yeah, but why do you feel like over the course of a year and a half, you'll only pay off $10,000? Making $30 an hour? Yeah. That's true. I could do better.

I think you can. Yeah, that's pretty wimpy i think you can i mean you're making 30 look if it were me if i were you i would my goal would be i am going to do whatever it takes to clear the majority of this debt in the next year and a half yeah working extra picking up extra hours doing whatever i have to do to clear that out then you can kind of come in she's got the money to clear out her debt and then you guys can come in you live in an apartment no sir we both live with our parents still okay all right um so my suggestion would be you both become debt free you have a wedding budget that is under control and then you begin to think about and dream about building a house for cash on this property.

Okay? Yes. I would do that. I would not break ground on the new house before your one-year anniversary. That would be the soonest. Which means after you get married, you're going to rent an apartment for a year or something for a year. Yeah. Okay? Because it takes a year of marriage to know how close to your mother-in-law

to build and and honestly you guys you building a house is stressful for people that have done it before uh building a house is stressful for uh people that are old and experienced building a house is stressful for people that have been married for 10 years and really know each other you got one year of marriage you're 21 at that point you're 22 and 24 um it's and now you're drawing a house you're getting the architect's work done you're coming into agreement on all of that you're asking for a real tough project because everything is so new in your life. Well, let me ask you a question, Dave. Would you suggest for a person's first-time home buy, would you suggest it to be a first-time build? No.

I feel like I wouldn't. I'd want to get it. I know you're going to rent for a little while, but I feel like starting out home ownership with a new build just feels. It's very hard. It's very hard. You're asking for trouble. And so, yeah, I would not recommend it. If you're going to do it, wait at least a year because you're going to face some relationship trials as you go through this.

It's 100%. Sharon and I have been married 41 years we have been we have built three houses together we've gone broke and built a business that brings in 300 million a year and we've done all of that and we're in the middle of building a house right now and we have to be very careful about how we talk to each other about the discussion something in my head i don't want to just it's a hillbilly fight when you have a discussion over the stove or you have a discussion over the roof color or you have a you know uh it's what's your design style dave it's um um efficient

and um yeah and sharon actually has style and so that always conflict that that's that's a battle right always a conflict so sorry sharon yeah but i mean hey we've been doing a long time together And Sharon actually has style, and so that always conflicts. That's a battle right there. It's always a conflict. Sorry, Sharon. Yeah, but I mean, hey, we've been doing it a long time together. We sit down together. We say, we're going to do this. We're going to treat each other nice all the way through.

And we generally do. Yeah? We generally do. And we're experienced. I mean, we're really good at it. Yeah. And I'm telling you. And so it's not our first ride on the cabbage truck you know so uh

the first question is the first question how much no good no doesn't have to be now that's good it does if you only got 250. yeah yeah if that's all you got to build you got to ask how much you got to ask a lot of how much because that's a tight build what's your first question uh mine yeah i want to see what she wants and then i also want to make sure that it's serving the overall purpose and fits in the whole project. That sounds like how much. Yeah. Well, it does. That's part of it, but can it be delivered on time?

There you go. There you go. Can we get it on time? It's going to hold me up six months? Logistics. No, we're not doing it. It holds up six months. We're going to get done.

This is The ramsey show jade washaw ramsey personality is my co-host today thank you for joining us america the question of the day is brought to you by neighborly your hub for home services neighborly's home service provider network offers top quality work and customer service by trained reliable home service professionals it's a great group of folk visit neighborly.com to find experts in your area and to schedule services today all right today's question comes from michelle in california we're currently in baby step two with a thousand dollar emergency fund and still have debt to pay off. We're able to increase our income and we will be paying off our next debt of $3,800 by September. However, I have this dreadful feeling that something bad will happen to our family and our hometown in

Brazil. Should that happen, my husband and I will be expected to cover the cost of the funeral due to tradition. Can I pause baby step two to increase my emergency fund to $5,000 for what right now is an unknown emergency? What an interesting question. If you were here in real life, I'd ask you, what do you think is going to happen in your hometown of Brazil? Like, is somebody ill? Is somebody on their deathbed

i have questions do gangs run the town well in brazil you don't know depends on if they're in those streets of rio or not now i have no idea i don't know now you know what i think i think if any of that was true she would have mentioned it i think so i think this woman is a worry wart i think think she's a worrywart, too. And my answer is no, I would not increase your emergency fund to $5,000. Not for vague, distant, possible dreadful feelings. Yeah. Now, if you did have an emergency, if somebody-

You have a tangible thing. Yeah. It's real. Something real popped up. There's a funeral cost. Yeah. My mom has stage four cancer, and they have given her two months to live. Yes.

That's different. Pause the baby steps. But I think if she'd have known that, she would have said that. She would have said it. my mom has stage four cancer and they have given her two months to live yes different but i think if she'd have known that she would have said she would have said it i yeah and we don't know like is this her in-laws is this it's a vague dreadful feeling yeah if it was specific there would be something going on yeah but this is a vague dreadful this is a worry wart this is a worry wart no my answer is no no don't don't stop the baby steps keep going and like dave said if something actually happens and it's an actual uh storm you'll work it out you'll work it out you'll do it yeah you stop everything and you'll pile up cash and you'll work it out yeah but i you know it's like uh there's a lot of stuff going on in the economy i'm afraid i'm

gonna lose my job yeah Yeah. I mean, why did they tell you at your job? They're laying people off. No, I just have this feeling. No way. You just stop your worry warden or they laid off 10 people last week and they told me I'm probably next.

That's different. Yeah, that's different. That's a real reason. Yeah. Then we go, Oh, okay.

You have a more than 50% probability of losing your job. You don't need to be working the baby steps. You need to stop, pile up cash, and get ready for the storm. It's coming. It's not like – But it's like the people that close schools Tuesday because on Monday they said there might be tornadoes and the skies are blue. Yeah. You know?

I mean, give me a break. Dude, that's the way of the world here in Tennessee apparently. Oh, I know. I know. I said that one the way of the world here in Tennessee, apparently. Oh, I know, I know. I said that one day, and then tornadoes did hit, and so I got totally trashed by the weather Nazi people. They were so mad at me. One of them is in my family. Who?

I won't mention which child is a weather worrywart. Look, tornadoes are nothing to play with because they come suddenly yeah but and they seldom that is true that is true so you know it's just like you're gonna it's bright blue skies outside today if there's one coming tomorrow yeah you know we'll make decisions tomorrow okay we're not gonna make decisions today yeah i don't do vague dreadful feelings okay so there we go it's. It's just a bad idea. It's not a way to live your life. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Lisa is in Cape Coral, Florida. Hi, Lisa. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hi, thanks for having me. Sure. What's up? So I am wondering if it is all right to give my friend some money for help just taking care of her and her kids. They had a house that collapsed last month.

My problem is that I am $700,000 in debt with a baby on the way. $700,000? Yes, I'm a veterinarian. I have over $400,000 of that is in student loans. And then $250, 250 is my house and then other loans. Girl, your house is collapsed. Your house is collapsed too. $700,000 of debt? That's why I'm questioning that. But because I am working three jobs, I do make an extra $6,000 a month to go towards my debt slash the baby on the way. You're broke.

But, yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to be, like, ethical. Like, can I do it or can I not? No, it's unethical. Yeah. Only the strong can help the weak. You've got to take care of your house.

Hungry people can't feed hungry people. You've got to get yourself straightened out so the next time something comes up you're able and you're a broke veterinarian yeah you're and you're saying words like extra six thousand it's not extra until that debt's paid off that's got it is earmarked it's got a label on it up to next to 700 it falls over real fast that's six thousand going towards 700 is just tough yep that's what i originally had said but i wanted to get a double check and i've been listening to you for a couple weeks i'm like well abrams you said no you should not then i definitely should not yeah i want you to be compassionate i want you to be loving and if you want to go over there and help her physically do some things or something a

little bit that's all okay. But when you're broke, you're broke. You said you've got a baby on the way and all this. Are you a single mom? No, it's me and my boyfriend. Okay. Okay. $700,000.

Wow. Yep. How's it going? Actually, not bad. Okay. Good okay yeah the answer to your question is generosity has to come from surplus uh the only exception that we have to that is for people or people of faith who tithe give a tenth of their income, Jewish tradition, Christian tradition, and that comes off the top before you do anything. But in terms of helping miscellaneous folk out there, that's a wonderful thing to do and to be able to do, but you just simply can't do it when you're broke.

But you made a good point. There's other things she can do to help that are not financial burdens. Yeah, you support her emotionally when she's going through all that and she's your friend you care about her you know but you know we don't have to do a go fund me to prove our love that is true open phones at 888-825-5225 alan is with us in los angeles hi alan how Hi, guys. Good to talk to you. Better than we deserve, man. What's up? So I came in to $2,000, and I want to know if I should pay down my student loan, which I owe $20,000,

or if I should use that money to get an appraiser's license so that I can do that part-time on top of my full-time job and on top of my full-time job and on top of my part-time job. Why does it take $2,000 to get an appraiser's license in California? Yes, exactly. It's $1,000 for the license. I'm going to have to buy a new computer, website, so it would be around maybe under $2,000, but around that much.

Oh, so you don't have any customers no not at the moment no so you would be a brand new appraiser looking for business yes mm-hmm in a slow economy well it was something I would do part-time well they charge for what they charge for residential appraisals out there uh 600 700 is there a shortage of appraisers yes a lot of them are green out of the market yes and i know that for a fact are they getting out of the market because there's not enough money yeah why why does it make you excited to get in it's something i could do part-time and i like doing. You can't do it part-time if you don't have any

appraisals to do. Everybody's getting out of the business. Why are they getting out of the business, dude? Business is slow. Okay. That's why they're getting out of the business. So I want you to call five real estate agents that you

know or don't know and ask them if you should get into the appraisal business right now and would they send you their appraisals? Okay. And then that'll kind of give you a hint that you're not supposed to do this right now. Market research. You're like doing Field of Dreams. If I build it, they will come and maybe not. Well, everybody else who built it is tearing it down or running away from it.

Go the other way. It is California. This is The Ramsey Show. Thank you for joining us, America. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Grace is with us in Dallas. Hi, Grace. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Hi. How are you all today? Great. What's up? I have, well, first, thanks for taking my call. I have a question about moving coming up. I am currently in baby step number two, and I know in October I'm going to either stay in my building or move to a new one. And either option is going to cost me more money. The cheapest would be to stay in my

building, which I do not want to do, but I would sacrifice to do it. But should I take the amount that I know I'm going to have to pay and increased rent? And then should I take the amount that I know I'm going to have to pay in increased rent, and then should I take that amount out of my monthly gazelle amount that I'm putting towards my card, or should I take that out of an emergency fund? None of the above. Take it out of your budget when it actually happens. Got it. Okay. And if you move to another building, is it cheaper?

The rent would be cheaper, but the move would cost me about $1,600 in all. So cleaning fees. And how much would you save on rent? Maybe $200 to $150 a month. Okay. And it's a better situation? No. Well, I guess it's double. Either way And it's a better situation? No, if I, well, I guess it's double, either way, it's not. So if I, wherever I moved to, I would only be there for a year and I'd be moving to somewhere cheaper. So even though I'd be spending 1600 an entire moving cost, I would be saving

150 to 200 a month in rent. Which means you would break even. Yeah. And it would be slightly a better situation, just not a safer situation. But you would break even. Why move if it's not a better situation and all you do is break even? Yeah. If you're spending $200

and you spend $2,000 to do that over 12 months, you're saving $200, but you spent $2,000 to do that over 12 months, you're saving $200, but you spent $2,000. That's a break even. Yeah. Okay. So stay and put the higher rent in your budget. Am I missing something, Jade?

I don't think so. When do you plan to be out of debt? If I can keep up the pace that I'm doing now, um, with the moving costs, like the lower moving costs with staying in my building. You don't have moving costs if you don't move. Yeah. If you stay in your building, you get to pocket that 1600. No, what I meant was even if I calculated, you're right.

I said moving costs, but it was my higher rent. So my rent will probably go up maybe a hundred dollars if I stay here. So even with that a hundred dollar increase, I would be paying, I would still be able to finish by April. Good. What do you make? Um, I recently just got a promotion. So starting April or not April, what month are we in? June 30th, I will be making $70,400. Good. And how much debt do you have? $16,200 on one card.

Good job. You're pushing it right through. Well done. And you're going to be done by April. And $100 doesn't kill you if you're making $70,000. Mm-mm. Okay. Okay. Cool. Slows it down by a hundred dollars between now and April.

It slows it down 600 bucks, 700 bucks. Okay. And I can make up for that in overtime and stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. And you're still going to be out by April. So yeah,

no, it definitely doesn't make sense to do the move to save them. Yeah. So sit right where you are and pay the higher rent. You're going to be better off. And you're moving anyway in a year, she thinks. So there you go. Open phones at 888-825-5225.

Matt is in Charlotte, North Carolina. Hi, Matt. How are you? Hey, how are you all? Great, man. How can we help? Yes. So my wife and I got married about a month ago and we just

found out this week that she's pregnant wow congratulations a lot of big life changes going on really happening all at once um so we're really happy and excited but uh we were uh following your baby steps we were on step 3b but we were were wanting your input on how we should prepare for the child coming. You know, do we halt 3B and save? You know, we just wanted your input. So you've got, you're on 3B. We both. Go ahead.

Well, we both work, and, you know yeah we've been saving uh as as singles and then it's a married couple now for a down payment on a home but obviously with the child coming that would potentially change things as far as our priorities so yeah it could if you were on baby step two for sure i'd be like hold it you know or if you didn't have three to six months of savings i'd be like hold it pile up cash how much do you have saved um so yeah we are debt-free um fully funded emergency fund and then we've got about 48 000 on the down uh six months that's great okay What's your household income? And then the gross is about $111. Okay. So, Matt, let's try this.

Let's try this. Keep saving like a crazy person into Baby Step 3B. And B stands for baby. If you need it. If you need it. But you probably don't need it because I'm guessing that you have health insurance. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And I'm guessing. It covers labor and delivery, right? And you've got enough to cover your deductible. What's your deductible? For the family, it's $6,000. Okay. For labor and delivery, is that going to apply? I believe so.

I don't know the specifics. You need to find out today. Call your HR people. Let's talk about health insurance. Find out what coverage you've got. For her as an individual. Yeah, and then start planning it and saying, okay, all right. Let's pretend you got 5K out of pocket and the rest of it's covered.

Okay? So here's your plan. Your 3B just got diminished by 5k when the event actually occurs so we're going to pile up cash pile up cash pile up cash mama and baby come home from the hospital glorious event we write a 5 000 our check and we're back on game i'll see and you just and you just have a little bit less in your 3b uh and uh we don't buy a house while mama's pregnant that's just life advice yeah it didn't it didn't stop your plan because you were saving to begin with and if you had said well we plan on buying a house in the next couple of months we'd probably tell you well

chill chill on that nope nope nope we don't move pregnant ladies not not unless there's an emergency not it does not does not the recipe for fun you make different choices and they're bad ones no just wait just wait till baby when everybody comes home and everybody's all right probably this time next year we're looking at houses okay that's what i would do if i were in your shoes i think you did a man that's awesome congratulations that is wonderful life's about to change it's wonderful wonderful. Very cool. Good ways. Michael is with us. Michael is in Indianapolis.

Hey, Michael, how are you? Hey, thanks for taking my call. Doing well. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? So me and my wife, we're 23 years old. We just got done paying off $27,000 of student loan debt in nine months. Way to go.

Thank you. We're both teachers, and today we went to the bank, and we wanted to start a savings account in order to start saving up for a home. And I had a conversation with the mortgage guy at the bank, and he told me that in order for me to get a mortgage through the bank, I have to go into debt to build a credit score. Yeah, well, he's an idiot. Yeah. So, I mean, actually, the bank is an idiot. They may require that, because some people don't know, some mortgage companies include, especially bankers, don't know how to do mortgages on manual underwriting.

But if you just call Churchill Mortgage, they can help you do one on what's called manual underwriting, which is if you have a zero credit score, you can get the exact same premium rate that is if you have a high credit score. That's right. Perfect. Well, that was my question because that's our next step is definitely buying a home yeah yeah don't ask a banker about financial stuff i think he knew that that that banker

was tripping i think i could tell it in his voice and i told him that we follow dave ramsey and he was like well the problem with that and then i was like okay you're like i gotta go good job michael problem with that is he tells me not to do business with people like you And then I was like, okay, I gotta go. Good job, Michael. The problem with that is he tells me not to do business with people like you. So there's that. Oh, good instincts. One more reason to love facts. Sarcasm.

This is the Ramsey Show. Jade Walsh, all Ramsey personality is my co-host today if you're ready to buy your first home in this market it's not because of luck it's because you've been putting in the work you've been kicking butt you've been budgeting you've been saving and we're fired up for you we don't want your hard work to go to waste buying a home is the biggest purchase you'll ever make so the last thing you need to do is fly solo or work with some kind of brand new sweet little real estate agent that doesn't know what to flip they're doing even if it's your aunt susan i know she's a nice lady but you don't leave this up to an agent who's good enough you need great a ramsey trusted agent is a great agent. They set you up for success before, after the closing day, during the closing.

Find the right house, keeping you on track with your goals, and making sure you're confident in your decision. Ramsey Trusted pros get our stamp of approval because we know they work hard to serve you, not to pad their paycheck. You've worked too hard to buy your first home with anyone but the best? Find a Ramsey-trusted real estate agent by going to ramseysolutions.com slash agent. ramseysolutions.com slash agent. Mary is with us in Tampa.

Hi, Mary. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hey, thanks for taking my call, Dave. Sure. What's up? So, I don't know where I should start, but I've got over $85,000 worth of debt with my husband that we've incurred over probably the last 15 years, been having trouble paying it off. So, we're married for now. I'm not sure how much longer because I talked to a lawyer.

He calls him a schmuck, basically. A lawyer or your husband? The lawyer He calls him a schmuck, basically. A lawyer or your husband? The lawyer calls my husband a schmuck. Oh, that's nice. I know. Isn't that beautiful? I have a high school graduate that's going to college in August. We have a special needs daughter who's 13 years old.

I didn't work for like eight years, but I went back about seven years ago and I worked my way up. Um, and I'm making about 75,000 right now. And he's finally, um, he had his own business, not doing anything, um, lost our butts trying to sell our house. Um, and you know, using our profits to pay off all the debt from from his business but he finally has a job a stable job the past year and a half um so i'm trying to figure out how to pay off or how we're supposed to pay off this debt um and and gracefully exit out of the marriage we had to we're renting it now because we sold we sold our house let me stop't have a choice. Let me stop you a second, okay? Mm-hmm.

How long have you been married? 17, 18 years. I'm sorry, longer than that. 24, my dad. 24 years. Yeah, lost track. Why is your marriage over? It's been mentally checked out

for some time, for many, many years. He worked a lot, worked a lot trying to make money, did it in the beginning and eventually nothing. And then the lockdown hit, and we were able to stop some of the pain of not having money, but I've been working. A year ago, he told me he had a relationship with someone.

There's the schmuck part. I was waiting waiting for the schmuck part have you filed yet have you filed for the divorce yet no no i just i i just i can't afford to like i don't know i'm in tampa things are just everything's ridiculously expensive and i can't i've been looking to see you know what what my options are but i can't afford afford to live alone right now. Didn't you say you make $75,000 a year? I do. People make $75,000 a year, live by themselves all the time in Tampa. Yes, that's above average.

They don't live in your neighborhood, but they live in Tampa. We already lived out of the neighborhood. We live on the fringe to save money because rents were about $1,000 more where we were at. Yeah. When you talk to your lawyer about this, have you done any research to find out what the cost is? What might happen with your debt? That sort of thing? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what happens with the debt. I'm not sure if I remember asking him about the debt. I just know that everything else is no fault. So basically we just kind of walk away. It's not like one of us makes

more than the other person right now. Um, and he wants, my husband wants to consolidate the debt, um, or maybe what kind of debt do you have? So it's85,000 in credit card debt. We paid off our HELOC and all this other stuff we had when we sold our house. So we were pretty much left with nothing after we sold our house. Okay, and I guess all the credit card debt is in both of your names. Yeah, the one card's in his and two are in mine. But is it about half? Yeah. The two that you have. But is it about half? Yeah. The two that you have are about $42,500?

Yeah, $30,000. They're all $30,000 across the board. And this is hard making the payments. Okay, so you're $75,000 a year, single mom, that has $38,000 in credit card debt after the divorce, right? Mm-hmm. And you have a special needs child. Yes.

And he would hypothetically be paying child support. Mm-hmm. I don't know. Yeah. For him, yeah. My other daughter's gone now, or she's 18 now. Yeah. So hypothetically, he'd have child support and a special needs child, right?

Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay. And so you're, I'm sorry, this is a very sad situation. It is. But you're not mathematically trapped. Mm-hmm. Lots of people make $75,000 a year in the Tampa area

that have $38,000 in credit card debt and one kid. Mm-hmm. Lots of people. We have a lot of health expenses because my older daughter actually has more health issues than my younger daughter and my special needs daughter. They both do, actually. So we're constantly running the doctors, doing surgeries,

doing different things, car repairs, and just the debt. That's not going to change. Yeah. You're not going to change. Yeah. You're not stuck mathematically. You're not. If you want to be, you can decide you are, but the numbers you've given us has not got you stuck in this. And if he's having affairs and you're going to end the marriage based on that,

then you're going to have the marriage based on that, then you're going to have half of the credit card debt and you're going to have the care of a child and you make $75,000 a year and you're going to go rent an apartment. I think what I'm hearing is you've never been in a situation where money is being managed effectively right and now you're about to go off on your own and you don't have the confidence of knowing i can take the seventy five thousand dollars a year and i can manage it effectively it can be because it's never been enough before right so you don't know like inside your body you don't know that this is going to be enough that i'm going to be able to take care of my kids that i'm going to be able to pay the bills and i'm going to be able to pay this debt off

you don't know that that's i mean you understand that the the story you told us has you all mathematically in with him working and earning you working and earning in the best place you've been in probably a decade mathematically you're in the best place relationally obviously relationally obviously you're not the best place relationally obviously relationally obviously you're not in the best place she doesn't feel that she doesn't you don't have any respect for him because he didn't make any money during this time he's a schmuck because he slept around on you um and so relationally you got those things to overcome for this marriage to survive if it's going to survive but mathematically you're in the best place you've ever been because you know

with his income if you if the marriage survived with his income and your income, if you both decide to manage money together, you could clean this mess up rather quickly. I don't know. We just re-signed our lease at $2,300. I mean, where we're at, that's like the cheapest that we could get. So we just renewed our lease. That doesn't sound like someone that's filing for divorce to me who's filing for divorce that re-signs a new lease for a year well i don't know i don't i just i don't either who does that too much going on

mental i don't know i think you just made a choice thinking you got yeah yeah you're she was like i have no choice yeah i have no choice well you a choice, but you felt like you had no choice. But you're taking your choices away. If you want to be stuck, I'll tell you, you can be stuck if you want to be, but you're not stuck. So, you know, I think that you guys could sit down with a good marriage counselor and invest some time and energy into this 25-year marriage and give this a shot since you just signed a one-year lease.

I kind of think you want to do that deep down. And by the way, if you ask a divorce attorney if you're supposed to get a divorce, 100% of the time they say yes. It's like asking a dog if it's hungry. This is The Ramsey Show. Dave here. You can find all of our shows with the Ramsey Network app on your smartphone. It's the only place to listen to the entire back catalog of episodes.

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