The Ramsey Show - App - You Can’t Win With Money if You Keep Ignoring the Real Problem

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions it's the Ramsey show we help people build wealth do work that they love and create actual amazing relationships Dr. John Deloney PhD in counseling Ramsey personality number one best-selling author. He's my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Stacey's in Cape Town, South Africa. Hi, Stacey. What's up? Hi.

How are you guys? Better than we deserve. Wonderful food scene there. Y'all got some nice restaurants, kiddo. All right. Are you guys hanging in tight for my story we're ready bring it okay so my question is how do my husband and i navigate the very strained relationship we now have with his family after multiple instances of disloyalty and dishonesty so my father-in-law needs to repay a loan of $100,000 to us and hasn't done it yet. It's been two years now. And four months ago, the in-laws and my husband wanted to start a new business. They actually own a family business. And that was around the time when we

moved into our new home. They saw the house and a couple of days later asked my husband to put our house up as their loan guarantee for their new business as it was worth around two million dollars and oh my husband wouldn't be the business owner but just an employee. So since then the relationship. I assume your husband said no. My husband, when he was so angry, he said, not only no, but now pay us back $100,000 straight away. And now he just keeps distancing himself from them, which I totally understand, but how do we navigate this situation? How do we get the $100,000 back?

I have no idea. Wow. get the hundred thousand dollars back i i have no idea wow when the uh what is there any documentation or legal contracts on the hundred thousand dollars or was this a handshake the bank oh no when we did the bank transfer we um it literally showed up as loan to xyz on that doesn't matter i mean they didn't sign a note they didn't sign a contract with you to repay um no it was just verbal so it's a handshake and you wired them the money okay yes all right um and was there any uh discussion at the time as to what the repayment terms would be? Yes. At the time, they said that as soon as they sell their house, because they had a secondary house that they didn't use,

as soon as they sell their house, they're going to pay us back. And then they did sell their house? Then they did sell their house? No. No, they didn't. But they've had multiple offers. They just keep turning them down okay offers that match their asking price okay all right yeah um wow you got yourself on a pickle

didn't you yeah i know i know and now my husband is feeling a bit guilty, and he keeps asking me if he's a good person because he's told his dad now to repay everything back. Yes, he's a good person. His dad is not. Yeah, well, the mom's getting involved and telling everybody that we are money-minded and we are keeping our kids. I don't care what they told you. What they tell people.

What they tell people doesn't matter. They don't really get a vote because they're the. I don't care what they told you. What they tell people. What they tell people doesn't matter. They don't really get a vote because they're the people that don't pay bills and propose absurd business things. They don't get a vote anymore. They lost their vote. What they tell people or what they think is irrelevant. Agreed? Yes.

Other than it hurts your husband's feelings, but I mean that his dad's being a twerp to him. But yeah. John? Are y'all of means? Stacey, you live in a $2 million house. I'm assuming y'all have money. Yes.

Yes. This is easy for me to say on this side of the ocean, but you're probably not going to get that money back. And just your husband making laps around the living room every night, existentially wondering if he's a good person. Is he costing his relationship with his dad? Is yada? I don't know.

Yes. I can exactly what's happening. I can imagine there. Here's the deal. He, your father-in-law needs to pay back the money. He's probably not going to. He probably can't. And y'all now, Dave and I have been talking about this forever. Dave, for three decades before Ivan showed up. When you loan a family member money, you change the nature of your relationship together. Now you are invested in them accepting an offer on their house

right that that's an that's an that's a transaction that should be between them and their any potential seller and what they want to do and what they want to keep two houses or not but now you're invested in it and you are now judging from afar their interactions but it's because y'all loaned them money yeah right so now there's it the whole thing's a mess i can see a world where your husband sits down with his dad and says dad i got mad i blew my top what's reasonable for repayment and there's also a thing where he says dude this is a gift i'm writing it off i'm moving on with my life. What's Cheryl's net worth? I think about $11 million.

Okay. So one possibility is take a deep breath, call Dad, and say, Dad, I shouldn't have loaned you this money without any documentation. I made a huge mistake. It's costing us our relationship. I'm not going to do any business with you because I can't really trust you on transactions. But we still do want to have dinner with you. We still want to interact with you. And we're going to forgive this loan. Forget it. Don't worry about it your life won't change one instant if you do that except you'll be free right now you guys spend are burning 10 million dollars worth of calories over 100 grand

true yeah you could let it go for your sake you could that's one possibility the second possibility is almost do that but just let it go but don't say anything and just forget it walk away and then if it if they do pay you let that be just like a pleasant surprise but don't even have a conversation with them about it just forget it and just walk away but you guys are it's destroying y'all it's you know they're sitting over there smiling you're sitting over here freaked out but again and if i'm in your shoes i'm also going to own my part of this and the only part of this i really would call you two out on is um you should never have done this transaction and if you were going to do the transaction,

you should have had a lot more business-minded about it. Handshake on $100,000 is ridiculous. And so you asked for it. So when I do something stupid and it costs me money, I call it stupid tax. So I think you paid $100,000 in stupid tax. It's just a matter of when. When you want to pay it, whether you want to tell them today or whether you want to just forget it and say,

I'm going to pretend like this never happened. I'm not even going to bring it up in my mind again. We're not going to bring it up in our marriage again. We're not going to ever do business with these people in any scenario, but we can be kind to them. They're a blood-framed family. I like option one. There's something about owning it

and calling dad and mom and saying, I shouldn't have done this. I did it, and y'all are free from it, and we'll be over for dinner on Sunday. I'm going to move on with my life. And for you regular people, it would be like if you loaned them $100. Or $1,000, right.

Or $1,000. You're people that don't have $11 million. It's all about ratios here don't loan family members money give it to them or say no thank you period no exceptions that's the rule

give it to them Dr. John Deloney Ramsey Person Personalities, my co-host today. Brenda's in Las Vegas. Hi, Brenda. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Hello. Hi, what's up? My husband and I are, well, my parents are moving from their home in Florida. They're going to be selling their home there and moving

to where we live, which is in Las Vegas. And that is a big difference economically. It's a much more expensive city to live in than where they are rurally. Talking with my parents, they just want to make a wise decision on what they need to do with moving here. So there we've been talking through, would it be better for them to rent a house at their age? They're 80 and 78. Would it be better for them to purchase a home in this economy? And my husband and I have also talked about the possibility of us purchasing a home and then just renting it to my parents, but we want to make a wise choice.

And so we just, I thought I will just call you and see what you think yeah i'll pass on the rent to my parents option um so they're going to sell their property there and it's worth what um probably a good half a million and they can't buy anything in las vegas for half a million come on they can but i don't think it's it's not whether they can afford it or not they know they can afford it or not. They know they can afford it. I think they just want to make sure that long-term at their age,

would that be still a good choice? I would buy a nice condo that I didn't have to do any maintenance on in an area that demographically, you know, I'm not moving into a neighborhood that's a bunch of 20-year-olds if I'm 80. No, there's a 55-plus-year-olds if I'm 80. No. There's a 55-plus community near us. Yeah, exactly. And those properties, when these two pass away someday, you can market that property.

That ain't trouble. You're not going to be stuck in it. It's not a weird property. Right. No, it would be a good property. So buying, purchasing. Yeah, pay cash for half a million or less. That's what they're moving the other property out for, right?

Yes. They may live for another 20 years. And so you've got 20 years of rent going up. And I would want to be in my 70s and 80s with my biggest asset set. Your biggest expense in every budget is housing, and when it goes up every year, you've destabilized your environment. So let's take it off the table. Yeah, so let's stabilize the environment.

Zero payments, and now we've got a sustainable situation with peace for them, and they're near you. And by the way, the difference in where are they moving from in Florida? It's a very rural community. I know, I heard that. The Panhandle. Yeah, okay. Near Panama City.

Yeah, all right. But the difference in cost of living there and the cost of living in Las Vegas is very little except real estate. Real estate's way different. I'll go along with that but a gallon of gas is about the same a loaf of bread is about the same it's not like double in vegas where it is the panhandle in florida i mean it might be 10 cents more gallon or something like that it's 10 cents more gallon in my neighborhood than it is one county over because they can get away with it in my neighborhood but you know that you're going to get some of that kind of stuff but

but by and large cost of living when you say that you know real electricity not substantially different you know property taxes may be higher yeah might have that but real estate related things that's where you see most that drives most cost of living indexes into a spiral if you take real estate out of cost living indexes you don't find huge differences in a household budget from city to city you find some difference but not huge differences so then that changes the conversation too when you reframe it that way and dave tell me if my matrix is wrong here. I've got you've got Brenda, whose parents are in their 70s.

So let's always want to pretend they might live to 90. OK, yeah. That's five more presidential elections from now to think we could predict what the world will look like in 20 years. It feels better for me to say, I don't know, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to solve for peace in the present, and that looks like no house payment. Yep.

That feels like a wiser choice than trying to speculate on, well, is this going to be a good investment? What's going to happen in 20 years? Who knows? So here's the thing. I mean, that's a really good point to pan back and keep perspective because in 2008, when the real estate market, So here's the thing. I mean, that's a really good point to pan back and keep perspective. Because in 2008, when the real estate market, Vegas was one of the, it was the fastest growing city in America at that point.

And they got crushed. And they got the hardest hit on the bubble. They had the most value loss of any city in America. Now, it rebounded very quickly. I was going to say, and if you'd walk in with $100 million of cash and just started buying places, you would be worth an unfathomable amount of money right now. A trillion.

Yeah. You'd be worth 10x. And so it just does, like, so who knows? Yeah, and who would have predicted 2008 because Vegas was a boom town. If you'd have done this deal in 2007, 2006, you wouldn't have, you know, you're exactly right. Who knows?

Because it's odd that that, but it did. It went in half. You could buy real estate everywhere. Wow. And then it bounded right back. Thank God. It's a wonderful city. The last time I was there, they were building like crazy.

Economically, it's a wonderful city again. Yeah. But that just tells you 2008's not that long ago. Right. We're in only 15 years. Yeah. So, you know, it's not that that's a good point. And that, gosh, if you'd have done this deal back then and they were 20 years later, 30 years later, 30 years, 20 years, a long time.

Or maybe tell me if this is a bad way to look at it, because I don't look at things like real estate investment. But let's say things let's pretend it went in half again in 20 years. And mom passes away. Dad passes away. They live 20 more years. Great times with the grandkids. And you have to sell that place. You're still walking away with a check for $300,000 or $400,000.

And you've lost. Let's pretend it cuts in half, which it won't. From today. From today. Wow, that would be unprecedented. But I mean, you still walk away with a chunk of money right it's still you're still okay is what i'm saying yeah yeah and so i i guess this long-term stuff like i don't know i guess if you pan back and make better decisions yeah just solve for peace

right now yeah solve for peace long term to make better decisions i was doing a podcast uh this morning with a friend of mine that's just started a new one that's famous. It'll be out later. And I said, the stuff we teach, these biblical financial principles, they're the only financial principles that work in good times and bad times. So if we have a banner wonderful year in 2025, she's asking what 2025 is going to do. I said, you know, these are the same principles that are going to work, but they're also the same principles that work when we're not having a banner year that's right so you solve for peace both times and that that gets us there so martin is in columbia south

carolina hey martin welcome to the ramsey show yeah hey thank you for taking my question sure what's up oh yeah i just got a quick question i'm 34 um i got no savings uh i got a baby on the way in may yay and and my credit score is in the crapper and i don't know where to begin to rebuild awesome you're in a great place so the baby was like a wake-up call martin time to get real right yeah that's what the wake-up call was and i'm twenty seven thousand dollars in debt yeah what do you make which may not seem um what do you make cost uh two grand a month maybe a little bit more depending on how much what do you do for a living uh take care of animals you don't make much money and i've also i don't but i also have options of buying the business if i work hard enough why would i want this business it doesn't make any

money that's well that's true so yeah i'm also thinking about getting into trade work too so of what kind uh plumbing yeah well that would triple your income but it's going to be seven years before you make any money i'll be triples income as an intern compared to what he's making now so i was hoping like maybe you guys might have some guidance okay so how old are you i'm 34 34. How long have you been married? Not long. Not too long. What's that mean?

Yesterday? Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're not married yet. Okay, we're not married yet. Okay, that's what I thought it meant. Really not long. Like, really not long at all.

Like, going to be this weekend, Dave. Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho. Here we go. All right. Yeah. We're living together in a camper to save money. I bet. at all like gonna be this weekend dave merry christmas ho ho here we go all right yeah we're living together in a camper to save money i bet uh okay so things are really tight right now yeah so you got to go to job two jobs right now yeah you need to get your income up substantially sir get your little family married and get them into a little one-bedroom apartment

you don't raise mama and the baby in a camper, honey. Time to man up now. Time to quit playing around. Y'all were playing around, going camping. Now you got a deal. Now you got a deal. So it's time to step up. You can do it. Hang on. We'll help you. We'll put you through Financial Peace University to help you get your money together. But dude, you got to get your income up now. Now. This is The Ramsey Show. There's a time in your life and in the baby steps for renting, but you don't want to do it forever.

Because when you rent, you're still paying for a mortgage, just somebody else's. Plus, rent means instability in your budget because it always goes up, never down. So when you're ready to buy, make sure you work with a mortgage partner you can rely on. Churchill Mortgage. Churchill is Ramsey-trusted to help you make the move from renting to home ownership wisely. Churchill understands that when you buy a home the Ramsey way, your mortgage payment will be a consistent, manageable part of your monthly budget. Plus, when your home is paid off, that was your largest expense. Now,

it's extra money in your pocket and an asset towards turning you into a Baby Steps millionaire. So get started on the American dream of home ownership today at churchhillmortgage.com. That's churchhillmortgage.com. That's churchillmortgage.com. This is a paid advertisement. NMLS ID 1591. NMLS consumeraccess.org. Equal housing lender. 1749 Mallory Lane, Suite 100. Brentwood, Tennessee 37027. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. The best way to make your money behave is a behavior plan for your money. It's called a budget. Make your money behave.

Tell it what to do instead of wondering where it went. The world's best way to do that is called every dollar, where you give every dollar an assignment every month, and you agree on it with your spouse. And then you know why you have money or you know why you don't have money that changes everything so download every dollar for free in the app store or google play and use it you have to have a plan. No one accidentally wins. It's not going to work that way. You're going to have to leave the cave, kill something,

and drag it home, boys and girls. And you do this with every dollar, you'll change everything. Hunter is in Panama City. Hi, Hunter. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Thank you, Mr. Ramsey. Great to talk with you. I really appreciate you taking my question.

Sure. How can we help? Hey, so I'm 30 years old. I'm married. We've got three kids, and me and my wife right now are a little over $100,000 in debt. On what? On what? $100,000 in debt on what? And, yeah, but, yeah. On what? $100,000 in debt on what?

So we have, we bought a piece of land that's about $60,000 to $65,000 we still owe on that. We have a car payment, which is, we have about $25,000 left on that. And then I have student loans, which is about $20,000. Okay, what do you make uh so i make 70 to 75 000 cool and you don't live on the land you just bought the land so we still yeah we're still paying on the land but you don't you don't live on it no sir uh no currently we're living with living with my wife's grandparents in a one-bedroom barn house. And so we're just living there. We're literally living on about $1,000 a month,

and the rest we're just stalking away towards debt and trying to get completely out of debt. Download this app called, yeah, the app you guys have, the money apps i'm literally just trying to um completely get out of debt and trying to get out of it fast i think you meant the every dollar app i hope every dollar yes sir okay all right if i got one called easy money i'm not aware of it but okay all right yeah every dollar so so you70,000 and you're living on nothing, and you have $105,000 worth of debt, including the land. Correct. What's the land worth? So it's already up in property value.

We originally, whenever we bought it, we bought it for $75,000. It's now worth $85,000. Who said? I'm sorry? Who said it's worth a uh it's now worth 85 000 and who said in this vicinity i'm sorry who said it's worth 85 uh so we had a property appraiser whenever we closed on the land how long would you close for 85 000 oh i'm sorry not whenever we closed but whenever we whenever we signed to purchase the land but it was appraised at $85 when you bought it? Yes, sir, and we bought it for $75. How long ago did you buy it?

We bought it almost a year ago. Okay, so it could be worth even more now. Correct, yes, sir. Okay, all right, I'll work with you. So your question is what, Hunter? Yeah, so our question is, should we sell the land and then just pay off all of our debt yes um okay all right yes all right that answers my question and you're free the only question you're thinking about eventually building okay yeah well i i think you'll have that dream

come true someday um and the fact that you're living in your grandparents barn dominium tells me you like a piece of dirt which is cool i'm with you on that i like dirt too i like a little room little elbow room so to speak and um i mean i live in a part of tennessee where gunfire on saturday's pretty normal sound by the neighbors and so um you know i like a little room and the uh uh you know you're you're kind of got that in your blood. I can hear it. Not the gunfire, but the elbow room. Anyway, you're in your early 20s, maybe?

Yes, I just turned 30 this year. Okay, all right. What do you do for a living? I do wedding and elopement photography cool okay yes i started that about four years ago i can't imagine how interesting elopement photography is but that's a whole other subject okay all right it's pretty great yeah please tell me you keep a little journal somewhere just a tally mark that says not gonna make it or gonna make it oh yeah yeah uh all right i i i like that you are willing to sacrifice to get where you're going and you're willing to make hard decisions to get where

you're going those two things tell me you're going to get where you're going so i'm not worried about you getting to live your dream i think you're going to get there you're going. So I'm not worried about you getting to live your dream. I think you're going to get there. All I'm thinking about is what's the shortest distance between two points between where you are and owning something. So probably if I'm you, I'm saving like crazy. I'm going to get us a little starter house. I'm going to make a bunch of money on it over the next four or five years. And I'm going to buy a piece of ground and build on it as my phase two in this process, than uh phase sub one which you started with the ground way before you were even out of debt on the other thing so i and the good news is the ground will get you out of debt for now and you got zero payments you can pile cash you could be able to stack cash all in

that barn man just stack it in there and then go get you a nice starter house and let that thing go up in value like the land did and then sell it and build on a piece of ground someday maybe out there five or ten years that would be where I am and that's also about the time you're probably going to be a millionaire yeah and there's something about putting a sitting down with your wife and y'all put it's arbitrary let's say two years let's put a deadline we're going to be out of this barn in two years here's how much money we want to have what must be true how do we get that much money am i going to have to shoot on sundays and saturday nights and wednesday mornings and i'm going to take as many of these gigs i can get i'm going to stop saying no to things

what would and what's she doing what must be true for us to have this dollar amount to walk out of here and get that small starter home in 24 months 32 months and sometimes when you put a deadline on it it doesn't feel like it's forever and you can just work yourself silly knowing there's a light at the end of the tunnel so um i got a pattern this hour i gotta stop for a second uh young ladies, you need to be very clear with your fiancés or your husbands. You need to say what you are really thinking and not go along with, I live in the barn loft or the camper. Because there are some young ladies that'll go along with that because they agree with the goal and they're all in and that's fine i'm not talking to you

but you young ladies who these uh knuckleheads that you are married to are marrying uh have talked you into living in a barn loft or in a camper because they think that that's the way. You need to domesticate this wild mulephant that you have married and let them know that ladies generally don't like living under bridges. This is a bunch of crap. And so it took me a little while to realize this, and you knuckleheads, I'm one of you. I'm only more advanced now.

Me too. Because I don't care where I live. I'm the guy that could live in the barn loft or the camper or under the bridge, for that matter. It does not bother me. I mean, it doesn't really. But happy wife, happy life is one of the equations and so um you guys are what you are thinking that you're doing something very positive for the future of your family uh meanwhile you are leaving some marks on that relationship that um because you're stupid and um and i know this because i'm you okay and so uh again there are some times that

i have talked to couples that both of them are all in and we bought a two thousand dollar used mobile home and we lived in it for three years and saved up and paid cash for a home and both of them were all in but they had an end goal they had an end goal number one and number two they were both all in one of them wasn't going along with it because they think that they married Sir Galahad, and they didn't. They married Goober. And so, you know, this is my wife. Bless her heart.

So I'm just warning some of you. Ladies, you need to speak up, and you knuckleheads, quit moving your lady that hasn't spoken up into these ridiculous situations to accomplish your dream. This is The Ramsey Show. If you don't know, you can join The Ramsey Show and get all three of the segments, all three of the hours, if you will, of the show on the Ramsey Network app. You can also search on the Ramsey Network app by subject and get all the different calls on a certain subject. Keep you from listening to 26 hours to find out about your car lease or whatever it is, right?

And you can send us an email on the Ramsey Network app, which is what happened today, John. All right, today's Ramsey Network app, it's from Hope. And personally, this hits too close to home, so I don't appreciate it, Hope. But here we go. My husband and I are in Baby Step 2 and have $12,000 more to go. We're so close. He's been fully on board with the Baby Steps until recently. He's an avid hunter and wants to go hunting this season.

If he kills a deer, it costs around $200 to butcher it and between $2,000 and $1,000 to mount it. I told him we needed to decide together about hunting during baby step two and that I don't support him spending $1,000 right now. I reminded him that by next season, we'd have a lot more money and freedom to spend more freely. He i've sucked the fun out of hunting by asking these questions he probably had to sit down his pacifier to say that he says hunting is his hobby and the only thing that makes him happy well that's a little insulting gosh that's so dramatic i have no problem with him hunting i

just want to plan financially before he goes am i wrong is his little face red was his little lip stuck out like i sound like a kid on the cereal in his bib yeah my hunting makes me happy it's the only thing that makes me happy all right so you're killing there's two problems number one you're married to a toddler that's the real one number two hope what you have done is you have created you've exaggerated this i hunt all the time i've never had somebody charge me even half of 200 to butcher a deer really no it's about what's the cost of process 55 to 75 bucks okay that's what it costs and you can do it yourself you can do it at home for zero dollars and so and then good god no you

don't mount a lot of ziploc bags a lot of ziploc but that's true nine dollars nine bucks plus uh no this isn't the season to be mounting deer. And again, 200 to 1,000, if you're taking it to some fancy taxidermist, maybe. Again, this is one like, it's going to cost 1,000. It's not. It's not. Well, he may be or she may be. I don't know. Somebody's exaggerating. Well, I think she's exaggerating a bit

because she didn't want him doing this. And he is being exaggerating with his feelings on the other side. There's more things in his life that bring him joy than hunting. And also, it's hunting season. And him going out on Saturday and shooting a deer to feed the family and to have some fun and get out in the sun is fine. But also, if you're going to add $1,200 as a part of this, that's insane. Right?

$1,000 plus $200. The melodrama around this whole thing is just out of control. it's getting all the way beneath i don't know who's melodramatic whether it's one of you or both i think both i think both and so no having a plan financially before he goes is that wrong no i mean what's 30 out six cost around now a dollar and a half dollar and a half okay yeah That's what it should cost him to kill a deer. Right. Assuming he can get it in one shot. Or two. Right?

So $5 in ammunition. Right? But hey, it can add up gas and yada yada. I do think you're right. Having a plan financially is important. It's good. And let's take hunting off the table because this seems to be a third real topic in your house.

Let's say it's any number of things that you like to do. Baby step two is survival. It's about running and gunning and you put a pause on expensive things. You put a pause on going out. You put a pause on some of these things. And so I can imagine Hope hasn't gone out to eat, hadn't been on a date,

hadn't got her hair or nails done in a year and husband wants to go spend $1,000 deer hunting. I get that. I get that. But I think beneath it, we have to say yes. yes we're gonna have a financial plan before we do anything anything especially in baby step two yeah but the other thing is this whatever it is you're trying to fit into your budget when you're working in baby step two you look at it through a different lens than you do when you're rich someday that That's right. When you're rich someday, you might pay some money to go do a hunt in a certain way.

That's right. You might pay someone to process the deer. You might pay someone to have a beer. But hunting is different than having it mounted. Hunting is different than processing. Yes. There are three different activities here. There you go.

So we can break this apart and say one possibility is hunting makes makes me happy it's the only thing that makes me happy so go hunting kill a deer take it out in the backyard butcher it and your family will actually save money on groceries as a result that's right so it's a net gain but no processing fee and no mounting get our friend the butcher brothers on youtube makes me say matching makes me happy no that doesn't that's a thousand dollar on that one right that's a thousand dollar uh a piece of decoration on your wall yeah that collects dust and pretty soon you'll be tired of bambi's daddy so um but yeah really seriously um we we mounted a shark one time we caught and that thing we couldn't get rid of it no you can never get it from house to house and finally it's in somebody's attic now but you know what as soon as that person dies it's gonna end up in someone else's attic oh it's probably gonna end up in the

dumpster before it's like it served its it was way past its joy but fishing makes me happy no it doesn't okay so there you go yeah so i think the trick here is find ways to do things you love that are a net gain. This guy could actually go hunting, and it saves on the grocery bill net, net, zero cost, and even a positive to the family. That's exactly right. Yeah. That's right.

Because a deer tenderloin is phenomenal. I had one for lunch today. There we go. Oh, my mouth just watered. And so I'm saying this as someone who hunts a lot. I think there's just some straw man going on here. There's some false realities here. A bunch of crap going on in this.

Yeah. Yeah, for real. So, yeah, he needs to say, I'm all in for our goals, and so I'm going to decrease the grocery budget because I'm going to do the butchering this year myself. I'm going to not mount anything I kill this year myself. And if hunting makes you happy, you'll shoot another one you can mount later. That's right.

We're just going to shoot does this year. We're not going to mount anything. We're just shooting for food this year. And I'm going to get out and get some fresh air. I mean, we're going to go on from there. Bow hunting doesn't cost you anything. assume you get the arrow back i mean those are pretty expensive man way more expensive than bullets yeah that's true but you got to get it back that's right but yeah i mean it's this is jeff so yeah the davis feels like he's a toddler

if he's saying if he's really saying this he's acting like a toddler if he's really saying this but it sounds like hope has given up a lot this year, and she wants him to give up his thing. And when you start keeping score, that's the death of a relationship. That's not necessary. It's not necessary. How can we do as many of the things that we both want to do, and it doesn't have a net-net loss to our budget that's substantial,

that keeps us from accomplishing our big goals, which is financial freedom. So we can, if you hunt like no one else later, you can hunt like no one else. Oh, I like that. So, but here's another example. We tell people don't go to restaurants. Don't go out on dates. You can't afford it. You're in baby step two, but you can go for a walk together and hold hands in the neighborhood. You can put the kids to bed and light some candles and talk to each other and make a date around your house you're just gonna have to do it differently because you don't have any money you're broke and i think that's the same thing here yeah exactly we're

gonna find some ways to do it but man everybody in this house needs to grow up a little bit all right open phones this hour at 888-825-5225 i'm not crazy right this is nothing to say you're not i mean it's the difference in the kid playing rec league and the kid doing eight thousand dollars a year in travel sports yeah is the goal to play baseball and be a good teammate and have fun or is it to make yourself feel better at the expense of your 12 year old well but or i mean the family's broke but the kid's got an $8,000 travel schedule, and he's never going to play ball past high school. But by God, you know. What?

What? I mean, really. We established pretty quick. Daniel Ramsey's a good hockey player, but we established pretty quick he wasn't going to be in the NHL. And so based on that, we decided how much we're going to invest in this process. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, and you can get your collarbone break broken playing high school

hockey you don't have to do this you don't have to do it on the road somewhere hey james we're talking about uh hunting and travel sports anything else you want us to talk about to get us canceled i was going to put this question on with george and rachel but i think it worked a little better with you guys yeah ge George. George dealing with deer hunting. That would be good. He would be the guy that spends that kind of money on it, too.

He's the bougie hunter. George gets scared at the deli section at Whole Foods. I can't see him out in the woods. Is it gluten-free?

That's all he wants to know. Excuse me, Mr. Deer, please don't eat those acorns. Those have glutens in them. That's not fair.

George isn't here to defend himself. This is The Ramsey Show. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. Dr. John Deloney, PhD in Counseling, number one best-selling author and host of the very popular Ramsey Network show, The Dr. John Deloney Show. He's my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Leonardo is in Chicago. Hi, Leonardo.

How are you? I am good, Dave. How are you? Better than I deserve. What's up? Well, Dave, to put it just straightforward, I kind of got lucky in the stock market. I'm up $180,000, but now I'm in a midlife crisis. I don't know what to do with my life.

Should I put that money, go to school, or maybe should I get a property? I'm 24 years old. I think the properties in Chicago are not too expensive compared to other cities, but I would love your input. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so you hit the lotto and you got 180 grand uh and you're you're 24 years old what are you gonna do with your life what are you gonna do with your life what do you want to be when you grow up i mean when you're when you're 54 what what do you look back and go i like the 24 year old leonardo

because he made a wise decision at 24. What does that 54-year-old doing at that point? I think I can be a, and it's because my father's an electrician, so if I can follow through his steps, I can also get help from him. I think that's a noble career. Maybe not the best paying, but I think that's a pretty good career to have. Our friend Ken Coleman just read a report recently about the explosion of millionaires who are plumbers and electricians

who are creating businesses. It is a noble career, but it feels like you fell backward into that to me. Like your dad's doing it. That's how you figured it out. Yeah, maybe you're right. It's just like I've always been into business. Like I've always really liked it. I've always liked to find ways to make money lucratively.

But I want stability, if I'm being honest. I'm tired of feeling stressed. If you make $200,000 a year in your business, you'll be stable. Yeah. But you have to know when to walk away from the table. Yeah, but I'm saying don't confuse boring with stable. Yeah. Stable is predictable is all stable is.

And if you're better at business than you are at being an electrician, then running a business of some kind is different than speculating and gambling on stocks. So you could be in the business world. Maybe that's what you want to learn how to do. You want to start and operate a business of some kind. You may have something already in mind you'd like to do do you um i actually not really if i'm being honest um i i kind of really like real estate which is why i want to like buy a property living like maybe the

basement and then like rent out the first floor and then i could basically live for the same price i'm living currently which is uh I've always lived below my means. Currently, my rent is $600, and I'm very grateful for the people that are letting me rent here. Hold on, Leonardo. Leonardo, Leonardo. You're mimicking something you saw on Instagram. What do you want to do? You don't want to live in the basement while somebody lives above you. Yeah. What do you want to do? You don't want to live in the basement while somebody lives above you. Yeah.

What do you want to do? What's the 54-year-old Leonardo doing that is glad that he did this? It's fulfilling. It's a predictable thing. He's used his skills and his passions to build a wonderful life for himself. What's he doing? That's what you need to do. So I don't know what that is, and I don't know if you do today.

So I can't tell you what to do based on this call. What I can tell you is you need to go through Ken Coleman's assessment and you find the work you're wired to do. I'll send you the copy of the book and the assessment. I want you to take that and then begin to do some analysis. You might even call and talk to Ken on his show or jump on his website and interface with him on email, however you want to do it. I don't care. But I think we've got to figure out don't make the mistake of picking a career because you think it makes money.

Don't make the mistake of picking a career because your dad did. Don't make the mistake of picking a career because you think it makes money. Don't make the mistake of picking a career because your dad did. Don't make the mistake of picking a career or a track because it's, quote, unquote, stable. Because when people say something like that, what that means to me is they don't think running their own small business is stable. And I can promise you that there are more millionaires running small businesses than any other category. And don't watch social media and try to, quote, unquote, hack your way to wealth because that's what you're going to do. That's exactly it.

You're going to give somebody $10,000 for their 10-step course to how to hack their wealth, and all you're going to do is make them rich. Yeah, exactly. There's not a hack. Quit looking for a way to make money look for a way to find something that adds value somebody here to the world and that gives you a sense of passion a sense of peace i'm going to send you a copy of this assessment in this book on how to read the assessment i want you to go through it in detail i want you to take some time and prayer over it and unpack it if you want to call us back

you can call us back at that point go over uh but call back one day when Ken's on here and we'll go over the results with him. It would be good. Because the results are self-explanatory, by the way. But aside from that, that's what you're looking for. You're looking for something where your passions intersect your talents, not just what someone else did because it made money well i think there's a there's a the matrix is your passions and your talents the overlay what does the world need right it's old frederick beatner quote like what does the world desperately need that you can

provide right only you can provide right and man go make that happen and the money will the money will follow you man the money will follow you dude dave The money will follow you. Dave, he said something and he said it in his own unique way, but it's an old psychological trope. Wherever you end up, you go with you. He won on stocks. Young kid, won $180,000. He bet right.

He threw darts backwards, which is what day traders do and he won and he thought that was going to solve everything he made more in one in one cash out than his dad did in a year and he still was anxious and he said i just want peace i'm tired of stressed out all the time and he realized oh i went with me and so i don't want this life i don't want this rattling around all the time and searching for peace is always that alignment of where are you providing value and where are you working really hard and where are you getting better and better and better at a thing that you're good at.

And, man, you just got to keep doing it. There's not a hack to that. You got to just keep showing up and showing up and showing up and showing up. Yeah, and that's not running to your dad's career. No. And it's not running to a career that someone outlined is a good way to make money. That's right. It's finding how you're wired and put together. Okay. So we know that the high stress, uber high risk environment of day trading, which is ludicrous, is not for

you. It's not for anybody, but we also know it's not for you. You've said that, but you also said, I like business. Yeah. Now what's that mean? You need to unpack that because that's very valuable phrase right there. I've always been in business for myself except for one three month period of time, you know? Yeah. And, or, or I've been straight commission. Yeah. One of the two. Yeah. So that I, when I made money, when I caused something to happen, I made money. I've always been able to make the connection between those two. So I agree with you.

I like business. But that can open up a lot of doors to you. And you can do a lot of different things you're passionate about. And you add value to people in your life. This is The Ramsey Show. show. Guys, student loan debt is an epidemic and defaulting on debt makes you feel even worse. But our question of the day sponsor, why refi refinances defaulted private student loans and builds a custom loan based on your ability to pay. You'll have a payment you can afford with a low fixed interest rate you couldn't get anywhere

else. So go to Yrefy.com slash Ramsey. That's the letter Y-R-E-F-Y dot com slash Ramsey. Might not be in all states. All right, today's question comes from Abigail in West Virginia. Abigail writes, my in-laws are too much to deal with, specifically my mother-in-law. Abigail, she knows you wrote this. I don't know how mother-in-laws know. They just know. She has to stick her nose into everything. She has a key to our house, which was bought by my husband before we

got married. She's folded our laundry, cleaned our house, and moved stuff while we were not at home. Oh, man. I've asked my husband to talk to her, but he told me he couldn't do it and told me to chill out. You don't have a mother-in-law

problem. You have a husband problem. He's a wuss. God almighty. That makes me so uncomfortable to think my mom would come over to our house. My mom's amazing, but my mom would come over and go through Unsolicited. Go through our stuff

Without your permission. And even more uncomfortable is my wife said, I need this to not happen again and i said i can't do it i can't do it i'm scared of my mommy oh my gosh abigail you have a husband problem he needs to run down to walmart on aisle three and pick up a backbone yeah and some pampers while he's there because he might tt in his pants while he talks to mommy y'all need to have this i mean this is awful yeah sorry sorry sorry sorry this is awful uh mother-in-law is going to do what here's the deal i think if and maybe she's controlling i'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt i think mother-in-law is trying to love her little baby the best she

knows how she's trying to be helpful and she's screwed up yes and she doesn't think you're loving him to say the right way but she's not going to say anything she's just going to keep doing it and i think your cute little hubby is a gigantic 14 year old and he needs to grow up real real quick yeah so um if you say a thing you start a 10-year feud you can't say a thing the only thing you can do is encourage your husband to get have a backbone and um this is out of line the boundaries are there's no boundaries here this is ridiculous and it needs to stop yesterday. Tell him you want the locks changed, and you want him to call his mother and tell her to not come in your home without clearing it with both of you first, that you're a married couple, and this is weird, and she shouldn't be doing this.

Mom, we love you. Thank you for the help. You can't do this anymore. I've changed the locks. Your key's not good anymore, and you don't need to come in our home anymore. It's a real short calm conversation and he needs to man up and do that if he cannot do that you do not have a mother-in-law problem you have a husband problem and you'll need to sit down with a marriage counselor correct and by the way to husband listening to this you don't

call your mom and say hey my wife doesn't want you coming in the house no goober you'd be a grown-up and you say i i messed up leave and cleave that's right leave your mother and father we need to figure out how to do these things on our own to your spouse golly dude and mother-in-laws don't into your kids' homes and do their laundry for them unless there's like a medical crisis or a newborn and they've asked for your help. Don't do that. Even if there's a newborn and they ask for your help, you still ask permission. Yes, of course.

But, I mean, that's what you've been invited in. Or show up with a key that you had before they were married. So one of the best practical jokes we ever played was a key. Have you heard this one? No. I had a personal assistant 25 years ago, beautiful Christian lady, and she got engaged. So for her engagement party, all the guys, we took her to an ice hockey game in Nashville and the um the announcer at the hockey game was a friend of mine and so uh one of the guys in the office that was where this was about 10 guys went all throughout the whole section and handed every guy a key went to the hardware store

and got keys and the announcer said uh Cherie is getting married next week. Anyone that has a key to her apartment needs to bring it to her. And like 500 guys got up and started bringing keys to her. So it was such a wonderful practical joke. But, yeah, that's much better than this one. This just makes me sad. Yeah, this is bad. And can I tell you this one thing so one time um a friend of mine they were having some family stuff and uh it was a a couple friend of me and my wife's and we've known them forever and ever and ever and they were going through some like just somebody

passed away or something and i said hey let's get them a house cleaner just to come in and clean up. And my wife looked at me and said, are you crazy? I said, what do you mean? She said, you know what that would feel like to me if somebody came over to see us and then they hired someone to come clean my house? Oh, it would be like an insult. It would be an insult. And so I've got to say, mom coming over to clean the house and do the laundry

is a little bit of a flex. It's a little bit of a flex. Ooh. Right? It's a little bit of a flex. And so- It's like cooking the lasagna. It's like, oh- Because the recipe you got for lasagna is not as good as my recipe for lasagna.

You're not taking care of my little boy the way he deserves to be taken care of. I'll come over and help. It kind of feels like Ray Romano's mom. It's like your underwear was folded wrong. That's- Yes. So I haven't redone it. I'm sorry, honey.

I'll do it for you. Yeah. And so- Ooh, flex. Husband needs to grow up up mother-in-law flex this whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable dave i never feel uncomfortable this one does this is like it's got it's got a little stalker-esque it does she's got a key and she sneaks in like kiebler's elves or something and cooks and does the laundry.

No, because this kind of mother-in-law leaves a note that says, hey, I noticed things were messy so I cleaned up and I vacuumed. Y'all have a great night. And it's just like a little total flex. But if you say anything, it's like, oh, I was just trying to help. I'm so sorry.

I won't help anymore. Mart her out. She'll definitely mart her out. The old oh i was just trying to help i'm so sorry i won't help anymore yeah right martyr out she'll definitely martyr the old uh oh okay um there's some there's some old dairy queen napkins in the glove box i'll just eat those y'all just go eat wherever you want to um i'll just eat the old kleenexes um and i'll just sit in the car and be cold and when y'all get done y'all just come out it's that hey i did run into a guy the other day that's opening a new food truck called Wherever You Want To Go. That's the genius.

Because when everybody asks where they want to eat it's wherever you want to go. Okay we're heading. We'll go. Right there. There used to be a great little honky tonk in Lubbock, Texas called The Library. We'd be like where you going? We're going to the library. The honky tonk. Love it.

Alright boys and girls. girls, boundaries are necessary. And I will admit that the hardest stage of parenting for me has been parenting children who are no longer in my control. It is the hardest stage to stay out of other people's business that are grownups, even if they are from my flesh and blood. And so that does not matter. And I don't have any major issues. It's not like any of them are doing anything extremely stupid or something. But still, just not telling grownup people what they have to do with your dad voice. It requires a little bit of discipline.

Yeah. Even today, my son is studying for his first round of high school finals. He's a freshman. And I know the science of studying. I know the pedagogy of studying. I have been a high school and a college teacher for my whole career. And he's got to go through this first round of finals, studying the way he rolls his eyes and says,

Dad, I know. Okay. And it's hard because I want to go in there and say, this is the way. He's got to learn this time. And then next time we'll be able to speak from a place of, all right. All right.

I need some help. Show me how to do this. And it's hard. It's hard when your precious little Johnny's underwear isn't folded right, mother-in-law. It's Abigail's husband now. Abigail. Back up. Back up. Be cool.

Be cool, man. She has to stick her nose into everything. It's the move stuff while we weren't home. That one's weird. It came back, the furniture's rearranged. It's kind of like misery. Yeah, it's got a stalker-esque thing to it.

The penguin always faces north. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you, try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries.

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CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org slash budget. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host today. Allison is in Mesa, Arizona. Hi, Allison. Welcome to the Ramsey Show. Merry Christmas.

Hi. Thank you very much. How are Ramsey Show. Merry Christmas. Hi. Thank you very much. How are you? Better than I deserve. How can we help? Hi. Well, so I have a question about long-term health care insurance or possibly buying an annuity to take care of those issues later in life. And I know you're the person to help me out with that okay long-term

care and annuity for later in life help help me give me give me a little i don't understand why we're worried about this all right so here's why so i'm 57 my husband is 55 he was just diagnosed with a very aggressive stage four cancer, but otherwise has always been very healthy. Yeah. Thank you. It's been quite, quite a deal. He was diagnosed about four months ago. Fortunately, we own our home. We have 950,000 in retirement. But I just keep wondering what am I supposed to do about purchasing a policy for later in life when we're old and need to maybe be in a long-term

care facility or a nursing home. And I've read read some and it's just it's all a little confusing to me okay um well let's just talk nursing home insurance for a minute okay or long-term care or long-term care insurance the industry has changed dramatically since that category began 20 25 25 years ago. Today, about all you can buy is three years of coverage. Okay. You can buy three years of nursing home care coverage. It'll cost you about a thousand bucks a month, give or take,

if you're in your 60s and you have reasonable health. Okay, I'm just talking about in general terms here. All right. And in general terms, the average nursing home stay in america is 2.8 years right because generally when someone goes to a nursing home um you know that they they're not alive for very long after that that's just a general statistical thing it's not a doesn't mean nursing homes kill people that's not what i'm saying but the uh but i mean you know we're sick we're in the later stages it's not hospice but it is also elderly it's a lot of different things okay so 2.8 years so your exposure if you said a hundred thousand dollars a year

for three years is 300 grand on average on average and you have 900 today yeah okay um and so let's uh fast forward um to 71 years old your husband uh recovers from stage four and you guys are are now looking at someone one of us might need care yeah and then we would obviously would have been talking about long-term care insurance i generally don't recommend it until you're 60 years old uh he's not insurable right now so it doesn't matter he's gonna have to get trying to get that yeah he's gonna have to get the other side of the cancer diagnosis for a while healed before he's going to be insurable but having said that i think you're probably self-insured and here's why here's why not because you can't get it but let's say let's say he's the other side of a cancer diagnosis far enough that you could actually get it.

And let's pretend that, are you working outside the home right now? Yes, I am. We both are. Okay. He's not for long. He's going to be in treatment, right? No, we're both university faculty, and he is working from home. Okay. He's able to do that with his chemo treatment or whatever he's doing. He is. Okay, good.

Yeah. And what do you make? My base salary is 63. His is 80. Can you all live on that, your salary? Yeah. Oh, can we or do we? Can you?

I need to figure that out. Okay. If you did, here's what we've got. You said you've got almost a million dollars in your 401K, right? Correct, yeah. If it's invested in good mutual funds and if it averages 10% or more, without adding to it, it will double every seven years okay okay and so you're 57 he's 55 at 64 for you you'd have 2 million at 71 for you

you would have 4 million so you'll have between 2 and four million dollars before you need to pay for a nursing home and you can afford to write a check for the 300 without having bought any insurance that's why i'm thinking you're self-insured so it sounds like what you're saying is i don't need well you're saying i don't need to worry about it right now which is a relief you can't you can't worry about it right now because he can't buy it right now. You could buy it, but you don't need to worry about it. Yeah, I don't need it right now. Yeah.

Yeah. See how I got there? Kind of. I'm just really nervous listening to you talk because I listen to you almost every day, and now I'm actually talking to you. My brain is just, I've learned a lot about shark heads in the attic. I'm so sorry. Allison, let me ask you this. How much of this spinning out this, okay, what about this? I got a plan for this. I got a plan

for this. Is just the utter loss of control you feel when somebody says the word cancer with somebody you love well i'm sure that's part of it um because here's what it sounds like to me dave and i take calls all the time you guys for being in your mid to back half of your 50s are really in good shape good shape. You're in amazing shape. Financially. And my mom is still a professor into her 70s. You can do your job for ages. AI may take it, right?

But like, let's just pretend you keep doing that. Yeah. You're in an amazing position. Okay, so I don't, okay. The challenge for you is to exhale and be present with your husband which is

going to be hard and scary yeah yeah it is y'all are good man you're good well i just wanted to be thinking like five years in advance for him what do i need to be let's do day by day five years from let's go seven years from today, you have $2 million in a paid-for house. You may not want to buy long-term care insurance. You may want to just say, I'll pay for it if I need to. That's where I get confused. Like, how would I even access that?

Because it's like all in. Well, you'll just call call your investor call your investment uh advisor and say i need i need a hundred thousand dollars a year for home for a nursing home for my husband and they'll pull it out of the investments and instead of two million you'll have one million seven left if he stays in a nursing home an average period of time allison have they put him on a clock you know that's an interesting question so it's a just to protect his privacy I'm not going to say what kind of

cancer it is but the I mean he's been incredibly healthy and so this again just came out of nowhere but in terms of a clock the five year survival rate up until last year was 8%. He's now doing what the clinical trial has now been accepted or approved by the FDA.

So there is no five-year. Okay. At this point, there isn't. But what we do know is that with the treatment that they're doing for him, we're looking at maybe a 20% chance of eradication of the cancer. And we're doing everything that we can to get him in there. He's never smoked. He's never drank. He's always been active.

But it's the getting there that's really hard. That is. So let's stay as optimistic as possible and let's stay deeply in prayer and let's try these clinical trials. Amazing. And let's remember that every second is golden when it comes to how precious it is.

And let's let tomorrow's, you guys are in such great shape, let's let tomorrow's worries be tomorrow's. Right now, we're going to just celebrate and be in joy with every precious second. If you don't tear into your nest egg, you're going to be self-insured for long-term care needs when you're in your mid-60s. That's the answer to your question. You're fine. Well done. This is The Ramsey Show. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, so I was born and raised in Texas, and I love the myth of the lone cowboy. You know, the guy who doesn't need anyone or anything. It's a fun story, and it's a lie. In our self-obsessed society, we're obsessed about our own diets, our own workout routines, our own jobs, our own social media feeds, everything.

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That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Ramsey Radio. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey personality, is my co-host. He's also my compadre on this money and relationships tour we're doing in the spring. We are doing something we've never done. I've done live events for 30 years where I come out on stage and yak at you and tell you what to do with your money and that kind of stuff. And we're going to do that, but we're going to do it in a different way. We're going to let you select the topics you want John and I to talk about while you're sitting in the audience before we come out.

We're going to send them out there to your phone, and then we're going to design the show that night, custom for each one of the cities. I think this is going to be cool, John. Every city is going to be different, and I tell you what, I tell people all the time, I don't get nervous anymore. I get excited, but I don't get nervous anymore. I'm pretty nervous about this one. This one's going to be fun.

It'll be like sitting here answering questions. We don't know what questions are coming in here. There's a different energy. We make it up as we go, dude. Several thousand people in a fancy theater. It's going to be fun. Yeah, there's several million listening here, but yeah, there's that. Hey, guys, you've got to love it.

It's going to be fun. The Money and Relationships Tour. The first one's April 21st in Louisville. It's John and me, so be sure you join us. Durham is in April 23rd, Atlanta, April 25, Phoenix, May 5, Fort Worth, May 7, and Kansas City, May 9. These are all about 50% or so sold out. So you can probably still get your tickets, so that ain't trouble. But they will probably after the first of the year is how these things usually work in our world. They usually take off

and it'll probably blow out like sometime in January and you won't be able to get a ticket so jump in there and the seats are all signed seats so you get to select where you're going to sit with ticket master and all that junk uh which isn't something we've never done before either so this is kind of fun so you if you want to the good seat before they get down to the last few you know you go ahead and get it now right that's right it's not gonna be a general admission just walk in wherever it's it's like it's going to a theater yeah yeah we actually have a sign you know it's like these days if you go to a movie theater that's what you do right so ramsey solutions.com slash tour um or you can go if you're on youtube or podcast you can click the link in the show notes and Andrew is in Columbus, Ohio. Hi, Andrew. Welcome to the Ramsey Show.

Hi, how are you guys doing? Better than I deserve. What's up? So my wife and I have about $100,000 in debt, not including our mortgage. We make about $80,000 a year. So I say we have made bad decisions, but it's really, I put it on me, but we've got ourselves in some pretty bad debt. So I'm just trying to figure out the best way to get out of it with the money we make. It seems like in my head we don't make enough. What's the debt? Credit cards, personal loan, and student loans. How much car

debt? No car debt. We own our cars outright, but we have a personal loan for $35,000 that I used to reconsolidate, and then I sold the vehicle that I had to purchase that, basically. Okay, so what is your car worth? The car, so I have a Ford Expedition that's probably worth $11,000 at the moment, and then we just have a smaller vehicle that's not really worth anything. It's got 200 plus thousand miles on it. And that's your two cars. You don't have any other cars? No. Okay. And your household income again is what?

80,000. Okay. How long y'all been married? It's been three years now. We've been together for probably, I think like seven. Okay. So if you cut up the credit cards and take extra jobs and don't go out to eat and don't go on vacation and live on a scorched earth budget no life how fast you think you can pay this off making 80 you need to pay off 100 so I work on the weekends doing side jobs it It's not fully consistent, but it's probably at least twice a month. That ranges anywhere from 500 to a thousand. And I, you know, I try to use that.

I just started listening to you guys like the past two weeks. Uh, cause really we've been arguing a lot about money, trying to be on the same page, you know, and just finally I started listening to you guys and I was like, Hey, we're, we're done with this, you know, debt stuff. We need to get our life together cause we have two kids. Um, and I just, I don't want them to have a bad future. So I want to get ourselves set so we can give them a good future, you know, and set

them up. Okay. Let's pretend that you make 80 and you lived on 50 and you put 30 on debt you'd be done in three years right let's pretend you raise that to 100 and you put 50 on debt you'd be done in two years but you're both working extra jobs and you have absolutely no life and it's not an occasional thing you work all the time for two years and you're done. That's how the math shakes out.

That's 24 months. Yeah. How long have you been unable to breathe, dude? I've probably been about a year now. Okay. So give me two and you're done. You're at zero. You're free.

Forever. Yeah. You cut up your cards and you're done. You're at zero. You're free. Forever. Yeah. You cut up your cards and you never borrow money again. But that means you can't hem-haw around every couple of weeks. Like maybe I'll have some work this weekend. That means. All the time you're working. I have a job at Costco and I go straight from there on Saturdays to throw boxes at Walmart

until 11 o'clock at night. And then I get home and I get up at 6 a.m. on Sunday. I go to church. I go do it again. And then I do my regular job Monday through Friday. And she and you are locked arms and you're couponing the kids are wearing consignment yes experienced clothing uh you don't have a life you don't get to do anything but you get your life back two years from today forever that that's living like no one else so later you can live and give like no one else you're going to pay a price to get out of this.

The deeper you cut into your life, the faster you get out. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, it does. You think she's going to be on board with that? Yeah, I absolutely think she will be on board because we've talked about it now for the past couple months, and we're both just tired of being stressed and arguing all the time about it, and we want to make a change. I think it's just hard for us because it's hard for us to see and picture it

because we're so far behind. It seems like we can't figure out where to start. Take $100,000 in debt, right? Yes. Put $50,000 on it a year, and you're done in two years. Agreed? Yes. Okay.

In order to do that, making $80,000, you need to raise your part-time income by $20,000. That gets you to $100,000, and then you're living on $50,000, and you're putting $50,000 on there. That's $4, thousand plus dollars a month on the debt okay and that the math says you're done in two years that's not false hope that's real but what but i am not saying this can be easy i'm gonna say it's the hardest thing you've ever done in your life it will change your life it will transform your marriage it will change who you are as a man two years from now you will walk different okay and if y'all stay together this is boot camp your marriage will be so united because y'all know we can do anything together right and few things light up a wife like a husband with lasers in his eyes on behalf of the family

yeah you can do this but you got to come alive brother i think you've got the the language you're using and the way i'm hearing you speak after having done what i do for 30 years you're giving me all the right signals that you're sick and tired of being sick and tired and when you get there you're ready to change you're ready to do something new if you're ready to change and you're sick and tired of being sick and tired and when you get there you're ready to change you're ready to do something new if you're ready to change and you're ready to do something new i can show you how to get out faster than anybody else but i am warning you ahead of time it's going to be painful and i'm also going to warn you ahead of time it will work and i'm also going to warn you ahead of time that it's worth it you'll be free for the rest of your life okay yeah yeah we've been we've been making that and talking about that for like i said the past

couple months okay it's no more tonight it starts we're game on i'm going to send you financial peace university and i'm going to send you every dollar premium free as my gift to you because i've been where you are i've been scared hopeless didn't know what the crap was going on i know exactly how it feels it does not feel good and then i reached the same point i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and it changed my life man that's why i'm telling you to work so hang on we'll send you that and get you guys going on this and also throw in a total money makeover book for the heck of it let's just merry christmas ho ho ho right let's just make sure you get the whole dose and dunk yourself in this stuff and listen whatever your broke friends say if they're making fun of you that means you're on

track if your mother-in-law thinks you joined a cult that means you're on track get it get it baby game on get it you can do it this is the ramsey Show. Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey Show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host dr john deloney ramsey personality number one best-selling author phd in counseling is my co-host today casey's in houston merry christmas casey how can we help merry christmas um i recently lost my mother she passed away october 5th of this year i'm so sorry. Thank you. My father passed away three years on October 6th

in 2021. I left a horrible 12-year marriage and got my son and we moved in with my parents. They were living 30 minutes from the school district that my son was in. So we decided to get a house together within that district.

They sold their house. We bought the current house. And we did not put my name on the mortgage or on the deed just because of the divorce. We didn't want to risk anything whatsoever. When dad passed, we didn't do probate. And then over the last year, my mother got to the point where she was 100% dependent upon me. I was unable to work, mortgage got behind. I was just recently served foreclosure papers yesterday. My mother does have a small life insurance policy of $50,000. And what my original intention was to do was once I obtained those funds, I was going to get the mortgage

caught back up. So, and my son and I be able to stay in our home. But I've had the most difficult time getting her death certificate, so my hands have been completely tied within that process. Why? Have you had trouble getting a death certificate? Yeah. So the crematory company, they did everything they were supposed to. Once they submitted for the death certificate to be created, they were given a remittance ordered number. At that point in time, a couple weeks went by, and tried to call to see if it was ready. I went to two different locations in Houston.

There was no record of my mom in any of the systems. I mean, I even drove to Austin to the actual place where they issued, where they send out all of the death certificates all over the state of Texas. Okay, so wait a minute, wait a minute. The state never got the state never got the information from the crematorium that's what i was told but the crematorium did have a remittance number meaning that the order was submitted so there's a glitch in the system and let's stop a second all right let's stop a second yes sir right, let's stop a second. Yes, sir. How long, she passed away in October, and how far behind is the mortgage?

The mortgage is, I mean, we're coming up on 12 months. Did they give you a foreclosure date? No. Okay. And your name is not on the title nor the mortgage. Correct. So they sent this to you as the executor of the estate? How did you end up with a foreclosure notice?

Sent it to the address? I have been in constant contact with the mortgage company. Okay, so they're aware that you're the executor in the air, and so therefore they're notifying you. What is the house worth? So the house is worth $405,000. And what is owed against it? $140,000.

Okay. And what do you make? Right now I'm in the process of trying to find a job. I was working oil and gas over 20 years. How long have you been unemployed? Less than a month. Why is the house 12 months behind then? Let me take that back.

I was able to take this job in mid-September because it was a remote position. And we had other, just because of trying to catch up with other things and because, quite frankly, just managing money poorly. Okay. And when you're working, you make how much in your field? When I was working, minimum $60,000. Okay. So you could pay the bill on the $140,000 if you were organized

and didn't have all these crises in your life. Yes, sir. So the $50,000 would the 50,000 would bring the house current correct yes and today you're unemployed yes sir actively looking okay all right and i'm to the point i'm past the point of i'm to the point of having a job anywhere because I have income. Money is, I have to have money coming in. Yeah. I'm not a single mom. I, you know.

Yeah. And then you have to get a job that's even better in order to afford this house or you need to get the house sold. But in the meantime, you need to get the death certificate and get the insurance money and get current. Correct. Okay. So you have two jobs today one is looking for a

job to get some money coming in to eat and two is to jack up everyone from your congressman to your senator to your governor and everybody at the crematorium and and let the people at the crematorium know, if they don't help you get this solved, you're going to sue them into oblivion. They have got to get this solved. They have 24 hours. I'm going to come down there and camp in the crematorium until you freaking get this fixed.

Because I'm getting ready to lose $200,000 because you morons can't figure out a way to get a freaking number registered at the state. This is a problem. Well, and then to even further that the death certificate came in and then once it came in, wait a minute but one of the numbers what the crap hold on you have the death certificate that's a completely different story than you told me a while ago no no one of the numbers on the social security number is incorrect so they made an error on it they made an error on it so now in order the state can correct that the state can correct that correct and that takes four to six weeks no it doesn't it takes four to six minutes you're getting ready to lose two hundred thousand dollars if you don't push your way through this

but you just changed your story in the middle of this call. That's not cool. That is not okay. They got it to you. They made an error. Errors happen. But go fix it. And if there's an expedited fee, pay the fee. Start calling everyone in that department until you get to the boss of the department, including the governor, and get the dadgum thing fixed.

They can reprint a death certificate in 30 seconds once they fix it, and they can fix it. All you got to do is, I'm the executive of the state. I'm getting ready to lose a property here because you people can't seem to type. But, honey, you got to get your story straight on stuff. No wonder you're not getting people to help you. Yeah, you got to get after it. You're about to lose everything. You're going to have to get really dialed in. In a season of loss. You cannot live in this chaos. You're going to have to take care of

business here. And you're creating part of the chaos by not being clear. This is The Ramsey Show. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host. So one of the things that we have discovered in 30 years of working with folks that are struggling in their finances is that you leave something undone. You leave something without a bow on it. It's not completed. You've not closed the gap on something. You move off from your apartment and you don't get a full release signed and get the deposit back. You don't pay a credit card and back from college and 20 years later,

you're shocked that it comes up again. You don't complete some piece of paperwork on some financial or business transaction. And then you just sweep it on the rug and you forget it. And there's a pattern of that kind of thing happening with people that have financial trouble. One of the things you have to fix to move away from financial trouble into financial efficiency, into financial prosperity, is you have to learn to do the grown-up thing of when there is a problem, I have to take it all the way to dust. I have to take it all the way to ground. I can't leave any part of it undone. I have to address it even if it's awkward, even if it's painful, even if I'm scared, even if I'm grieving, even if I'm going to say,

all right, there's a grief situation, so I'm going to wait 90 days, and then I'm going to come back. But you've got to come back because 100% of these things resurrect as zombies, financial zombies, and they will kill you. Not taking care of business as an adult in America today will stunt your financial growth. It will keep you from winning. So it's totally understandable when you have a tragedy or a grief situation of some kind of trauma that for a period of time you don't deal with stuff. That's okay. of healing your life is to go back and uncover every single one of those things and put a bow on them as soon as you possibly have the emotional, psychological, spiritual energy to do so. These things, they have a 100% chance of resurrecting as a zombie and they will eat you.

They'll kill you. And so a lot of times i run into someone like our last caller where they've been through all kinds of bad stuff a divorce uh move in with mom and dad dad passed away and mom passed away there's all these things and they're the the we live in this state of things undone in a state of chaos and then it gets worse it does not get better it's it's i think it's actually a state of denial it is that math is going to pause for me um or i haven't paid the house payment 12 months i haven't paid the house payment 12 months and suddenly like and then suddenly you don't get an out of the blue foreclosure notice you got tons of hey you're late you're late months phone calls right And the same stuff is with marriages.

I'm just not going to say anything. I don't want to say anything. I don't want to deal with it. It's just going to go away. It does. It has a high rate of resurrection. Right. It comes back.

These feelings bubble up, and when they come back up, they're like 20 times stronger. Conflict deferred is conflict amplified. It just gets bigger over time. And by the way, I think this is one of the cornerstone reasons why you we have to have friends because there is seasons when the lights go out when it gets real dark i'm trying to think if i lost my wife things are gonna get real dark i know i've got two guys that would show up at my house and mow the yard and that would say hey where's the bills i know that because that's the kind of guys they are. You've got to have people in your life.

And if you don't have it, that's a one priority that will help you and walk with you. But I think our whole culture, Dave, is built on disassociating regular people from reality. And the problem is reality doesn't care. It just keeps on moving along. Yeah, that's the point. It comes to your food, your finances, your relationships, pornography. Reality just keeps on trucking, man. And until you get re, it will yank you back down or you can intentionally hook into it.

But man, you can't get disassociated from reality. Yeah, these things. They'll kill you. Yeah, I haven't paid my student loan. I haven't paid my taxes in eight years. I haven't paid my student loan in four years. I haven't paid my mortgage in eight years. I haven't paid my student loan in four years. I haven't paid my mortgage in 12 months. I haven't dealt with this credit card since college.

I haven't. These are things that 100% of the time will take your freaking head off because they're coming back and they're going to come back amplified. And in this situation, you got somebody who lost one parent, a couple years later loses another parent. They're about to be a single parent who's homeless, living in a shelter because they're going to come take your house job everything's gone right everything's just yeah you've got to face these things and deal with them and in the midst of your grief and or uh as soon as you can get your head above water from the

grief and again i'm not saying 20 minutes after someone passed away, you need to be totally functional. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not being heartless, but you folks, I just, I'm telling you as somebody who works with people for 30 freaking years that are struggling financially, there's a high correlation, people struggling financially and people don't put a bow on stuff. You don't go back and fix the stuff. It comes because it comes back and bites you, and it's expensive when it comes back and bites you. Jacob is in Dallas, Texas. Hi, Jacob. How are you? Hey, Dave and John.

Good talking to you. You too. What's up? Hey, I got a question for you. Just a little bit of backstory. I've been following you guys for a few years, 100% debt free. I actually paid off $100,000 in one year and 10 months. Wow. Good for you. And, uh, uh, tried to do the best that I could do. And I kind of got a question that I haven't

heard about my wife and I just recently got married here a couple of months ago. We're buying our first home and basically the rental property that we currently have, they're in multiple different forms of neglect and so we're terminating the lease early and I just was trying to figure out the best way about going about that. Okay, I'm confused. Multiple forms of neglect. You're the owner of the property. The tenant is neglecting what? No, no, no, no, no. My wife and I are buying our first house.

We're currently renting a house. The main water line has busted over seven times. Oh, you're trying to get out of your lease. Yes, yes, sir. Waterline has busted over seven times. Oh, you're trying to get out of your lease. Yes. Yes, sir. And also, during a winter storm, they gave us one-day notice that they were cutting off our power. And so I'm just trying to go about the right way to, you know, oil. Wait a minute, but you bought a house. We're purchasing a house this month.

Is it under contract? Yes, sir. You're not out of your lease yet, man. But you're not out of your lease. No, we're not out of our lease. You can't just decide I want out of my lease because you bought a house. Or you can't just decide it was unethical so i'm leaving that's not how leases work correct it's just been multiple different times where it doesn't matter

they cut off our lectures yeah you have to you have to deal with that before you put a house under contract yeah i'm afraid you're about how you're about to have two payments brother have you gone to meet with the with the property manager the property manager doesn't answer any of my phone calls it took over a year to get a hold of them okay um when is the when is the lease when is the lease up uh march okay and again too i'm not trying to sit there and get out of any sort of thing but whenever you're you know the main water line is busted over seven times in less than two years they cut off my no dude i totally in the middle listen my first apartment with my wife we had ants and everything when it rained the water you deal with that then though you don't go buy a house and then deal with

and they said if you leave we're going to sue you. Yeah. You're going to get sued. So your option is play this lease through to the end of March and pay your way through March or get an attorney. That's your option. There's not an ethical thing here at all. You don't get to make up rules. That's not just because you're – when you were inconvenienced, if you wanted to out of the lease back then,

you should have dealt with it back then. But now, we want out of the lease because we bought a house, not because of the inconvenience. Now we're using the inconvenience as this moral high ground. Bull crap. No, you should have dealt with it back then. No. I think you're

screwed. Dr. John Deloney, Ramsey Personality, is my co-host today. Open phones at 888-825-5225. Amy is in Omaha, Nebraska. Hi, Amy. How are you? Good. How are you?

Better than I deserve. What's up? I think the question might be for Dr. Deloney, but Dave, I'm sure you might have an opinion as well. Oh, I've always got an opinion. I've always got an opinion, but you really do want his information, so there we go. He's very opinionated. So what's up? Okay, that's fair. My husband likes to go south in the wintertime. We both retired, and we have a fifth wheel RV, so we like to travel with it and camp.

I grew up camping. So the first time we went right after COVID was one month, his birthday month in February. Then the second time we went south, it was three months, but we come back for the christmas weeks for several weeks um over christmas because our grandkids live two and a half blocks away from us here in nebraska so um and now this this year he wanted to leave two weeks before thanksgiving and um not come home and come home till march and i'm just i feel very nervous right now, but I just feel like I don't want to spend that much time away, number one, from the grandkids. Number two, I have hobbies that I do in the wintertime. You're talking about next year that's what he wants to do?

Because this year, it's already Christmas. I know. We came home right, but the week after Thanksgiving. Oh, so you did go, but you came home for Christmas. Yeah. Okay. Good. I'm glad.

Our grandkids are close. Just making sure I understand the story. Okay. So you really weren't gone three and a half months. You were gone three and a half months, but you came home for Christmas. Right. Okay. Exactly.

And now this time it's grown to four months, and I shortened it a little bit, obviously, because of the Christmas, too. I wanted to come back to be with the grandkids, and we have friends. I mean, we've lived here for all of our married lives over 40 years, and so we have friends that we play cards with all the time, and he just wants to be gone, and I don't. And I can't seem to figure out a compromise. How old are you? I'm 65. Okay. And he's around that age too?

We're both. So often camping or fifth wheel or being gone for extended amounts of time become the proxy war. It seems to have, yeah. The reality is you have two people who are in the fourth quarter of their life. Kind of awesome. And both people want to call different places. And we've made it this long, right. Right, both people want to call different places.

And so the ultimate question is, can you all get away for a weekend and be honest about what we love about being so close to the grandkids and our friends because you may find out he plays cards because it keeps you happy he doesn't love it too much or he may find that he feels like he's gonna miss out on some stuff because he's only got 10 years left where he feels like he could safely drive that fifth but who knows but it ends up being a fight about camping and really it's a fight about man i got 10 years left to go be adventurous will you come with me and i don't know many 65 year old men who know

how to say that so they just say let's go early right and so if y'all could get away for a weekend and say we have 10 or 15 years to hit the road what would we we get to build whatever that looks like are y'all y'all i'm assuming y'all are okay financially um yes actually okay i've listened to dave randy for years and years so yes excellent we both enjoy your show too john so so y'all are doing this from a position of, of we get to not, we have to, what do we want this thing to look like? And it's important for you to use the word I instead of you. It's real easy for you to sit down and go, you keep wanting to move these dates and you keep, and now that word you as a declaration of war, and he's going to move to defend himself.

The other side of it is, I feel like you want to be here less and less and less. Tell me about that. One of those is an invitation. One of those is an accusation. But you get to the root of a man saying, I want to go experience the world. I want to go have an adventure. Whenever it's cold, my hips and my knees hurt so bad. I don't want to tell you because I feel like a wimp, but I hate being in this cold or on and on. Who knows what the actual things are. But then y'all can get to the root of some of this stuff and it tends to clear up a lot of the nonsense. Not always, but often it does.

I guess I was wanting to compromise to six weeks, you know, instead of. You'll get there when you both decide what you want this back, this fourth quarter to look like. Get under the what to the why. And so you're saying that we can come to a compromise when we decide what the fourth quarter is going to look like. What's the why and then decide the what?

Because it may be, hey, you're going to go spend two weeks by yourself. If you want to go early, it's may be hey you're gonna go spend two weeks by yourself if you want to go early it's great you're gonna go do two weeks and that's cool and i'm gonna do two weeks here and then i'll meet you i don't want to go without you okay well let's have that conversation but it ends up being it ends up being the layer beneath the fight y'all are having which is about weeks in a camper that's not the fight the fight is man we've got 10 to 20 years of traveling left. What do we want our life to look like? And you might feel like you're missing the grandkids moments,

and he might feel like he's missing adventure. Who knows? But until you all have that root conversation, right? I don't know. It's a different shift. Dave, you're in the middle of that world. That's exactly what we're doing all the time. What do we want this to look like?

We say it all the time. We go, okay, we've got so many days, so many years of health. And so one of our agreed on things is when something comes up, we say, why wouldn't I? Oh, I love that. Let's go. I love that, dude. And I got to tell you, my wife's suitcase will pack itself. She can make it to the door in 30 seconds.

It's like a dadgum nascar pit stop man it's unbelievable so uh and i'm fine with that because i mean why wouldn't i why wouldn't you why wouldn't what a great question to ask you know why wouldn't i and and and that includes on some of the you know some of the giving why wouldn't i it's not gonna it's not gonna kill us yeah or purchasing something why wouldn't i i can afford it. Live like no one else. So now I've got the option of doing some things, buying some things, giving some things that I didn't have before and never would have had if this life, God hadn't blessed us with this life.

So why wouldn't I? I had this question. I was elk hunting last year and it was so hard. It was up and down these mountains and it was exhausting and packing out and all this stuff. That's why I wouldn't. Well, I remember thinking, well, I maybe have nine more of these. Yeah.

Given my age. And maybe I've got nine more. And I remember getting home to my wife and saying, I'm going to start saying yes more. Because I'm reaching that age where I'm running out. Right? And so I can imagine. But you have to have that conversation. Yeah.

And then that does open up why we're here. What are we doing. And then there's tradeoffs. There's always a tradeoff. Something she wants to do that I detest. Yep. A lot of those things are around the holidays, oddly enough. And I get to do them.

But the payoff is that then she's going to do some of those things so that we get to be together. That's right. After 43 years, that's how that works so yeah it's an it's a but i mean you were 100 right by the way that was a dr john deloney question i couldn't help you at all with that except from the old person's perspective yeah but yeah it's um and i i I resonated with what you were saying there, and I think a whole lot of our listeners do, that what you thought was going to be the retirement dream might not be when you get there. You know, I've been thinking all my life I'm going to do an RV thing, you know,

and you may get there and go, I really don't want to do it. It's kind of lame. Yeah. Or here's the bigger thing. Most people that I talk to and read about, they thought retirement was going to feel different. Like they thought when I got there, I was going to feel this like, ah, and it doesn't. You just feel like you. It's just the same.

It's just you're not doing the other thing you were doing. And so it's adjusting to I thought this was going to feel a certain way. And it's hard when you're a granddad to say, all these grandkids are just loud and I'd rather be in Florida. Right? It's hard, but it might be true. And you might be thinking that volume and that loud, it brings me joy and laughter and I love it. And so we're going to have to figure that out. Oh, I'm completely in love with five-year-old little girls,

but they have the decibels of a pterodactyl. They can shatter glass. Yes. It's pretty amazing. You have like 50 of them running around. Oh, they're everywhere. It's wonderful. Ugh.

This is The Ramsey show man y'all realize Christmas is next week Wow that just happened did it sneak up on you well we can probably still get you some stuff out from the Ramsey store. All the books, like the Total Money Makeover, John's number one bestseller, Building a Non-Anxious Life, George's number one bestseller, Breaking Free from Broke, Total Money Makeover, Baby Steps Millionaires. They're all on sale. Questions for Human Decks are on sale. I mean, if you jump on there like right now, we can probably still get them to you without any trouble so go to ramsey solutions.com store and check out

these deals while you still can or you can click the link in the description if you're on podcast or youtube manny is in portland maine hi manny welcome to the ramsey show merry christmas how can we help hey dave and john how's it goingsey Show. Merry Christmas. How can we help? Hey, Dave and John. How's it going? Thanks for taking my call. Sure. How can we help?

Hey, so I've been listening to you guys for quite some time. This year I made a lot of progress, paid off a majority of my credit cards. Pretty much all I had left was my car loan and my mortgage. Um, and I didn't realize that, um, my dad had some cards open in my name that he was using. Um, and I was kind of blindsided by that. Um, just backstory. Um, pretty, Oh, go ahead. No, you go ahead. I was getting ready. What is the backstory? Did you open the cards and give them to him, or he opened them without your knowledge in your name? He opened them for me. No, he can't open them for you. He opened them without your knowledge in your name illegally,

or you opened them and let him use them. Which is it? So he opened them for me to build my credit when I was younger. However, I was in the military, so I didn't know the extent. So I knew I had these cards available to me. I didn't know they were being used. So I was in the military, and I qualified for the Service Members Civil Relief Act. So my interest rates were about some of them.

Most of the cards are 0%, but there were a few cards that are like 6%, up to 6%. Okay, so you had credit cards, and you did know about them. I did know about them, but it was under my understanding that they were not being used. Long story short, my dad has owned some restaurants with another person and basically got the rug pulled from under him. His business partner stole everything from the company. And so he decided to steal money from you. Wow. I wouldn't say really stealing.

He was paying for the credit cards, but then we just got a notification that these credit cards are going up to 30% since I got injured when I was in the military and I got medically retired. So these cards are going up to 30%. So what is the balance on the cards that you're? So it's six cards total, and it's about $50,000. Okay. I don't know the way to say this, man. Your dad stole from you, brother.

Yep. I know it's hard to digest, but that's what happened. You understand what he did was wrong, right? I understand, but my dad has given me the world. my dad has given me the world. I know.

No, he didn't. He gave you $50,000 in debt because he stole from you. I look at it kind of differently. My dad is a very good steward, and I feel like if he would have never got the rug pulled from under him, I know he's still going to pay it back in the long run. Yeah, I would give the world for my dad. You have. No one was there for me in the military like my father was.

I'm just kind of blindsided by this so i'm kind of i don't know before so some of these cards are going to hit 30 in january and i'm curious on if i should take a loan out to consolidate the credit card that i got pre-approved for up to 99 000 um at 12 interest rate and right now i make about 170 000 a year um so i would be able to afford the i have about 15 000 saved but that's for my my emergency fund because my my my parents live far away all right. Because you have taken the position that you have taken in this conversation, you, sir, have $50,000 in credit card debt at 30% interest, and you make $170,000 a year. Your father is irrelevant in this conversation.

You have taken this debt on because you think it's okay, and it is yours. And so you need to cut the is yours and so you need to get it cut the cards up and you need to get about the business of paying them off like i don't know in the next eight months or so you make plenty of money so get on beans and rice rice and beans and pay off your fifty thousand dollars in credit card debt that you have i would not consolidate it please no don't consolidate it we're not keeping this around like it's a pet, hoping your father, who has no character, is going to come through. That's a dumb idea. You need to pay this off, and if he comes around and pays you back someday,

that'll be just wonderful, but I sure wouldn't hold my freaking breath. No. And just know there's two dads sitting here of sons. There's no chance I would do that to my son. I can't imagine doing that. And say, you owe me the world, so 50 grand at 30%. There's no way. You're in the middle of it, man.

It's probably so hard to feel that somebody you trusted so deeply did this to you. But, dude, you're talking to two dads who would, I can't even wrap my head around the lengths I would go. I just would never do it. I can't even, I don't have a psychology for what happened. It's theft. It's stealing. And dads are supposed to give their kids a shot, give them the world in your language.

Like, that's what we're supposed to do. And so we don't get to come behind your back and. Drop 50 grand on you at 30% interest. Yeah. So it's just not cool. There's just no, there's no book, there's no dad book that makes that not cool there's just no there's no book there's no dad book that makes that okay there's no chapter in the dad book this is oh that's cool uh it's not there and so um you had some knowledge of it you had some general feeling about the

things being there so you participated but you have taken the position that this is okay and so what you need to do is pay it off as fast as you possibly can if you make 170 and you live on 120 you are debt-free in one year if you make 170 and you live on 60 you are debt-free in six months and that's what i would do just go scorched earth i would go scorched, and I'd get this mess cleaned up, and tell your dad, you mean the world to me, so it's paid off. And I'd probably freeze my credit so that he can't circle back. Close all the accounts, for God's sakes. Open another credit card in your name. 100% chance this is going to happen again.

Yeah. 100%. And nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. But, yeah, I would just treat it like a jurors because you've manny that's the position emotionally that you're taking so go ahead and clean it up for your sake because you can't just keep kicking the can down the road and this is all of a sudden he's going to show up with a superman cape that's just not that's not realistic i wouldn't do it so um that's the thing so john one of John, one of the reasons we endorse Zander for,

this is not identity theft, by the way. He didn't steal his identity. But one of the reasons we endorse Zander for identity theft is they actually assign a counselor in the event of identity theft, and the counselor goes and fixes, deals with all the credit card companies and cancels all the accounts and there's no debt there's no money owed when you get your identity stolen uh you just have to clean up all the mess and it takes 600 hours on average to clean it up so go to zander insurance those of you that have you know they're worried about identity theft and

get zander insurance identity theft insurance i've got it i've got it on all my family for this reason now i will tell you those of you out there that the reason i bring that up is that some percentage north of 50 it's hard to tell but somewhere between 50 and 70 of identity theft occurs from someone you know it's not someone in russia that hacked your laptop and so it's you know it's somebody like it's a parent or a kid that takes out a you know your uncle your neighbor your boyfriend your girlfriend your roommate uh takes your information your social security number and goes and opens accounts in your name and steals from you and that's criminal fraud by the way that's that's exactly right exactly right. And so those people are, by definition, criminals at that point. This case was not identity theft, technically speaking, but it has the same

emotions around it, for sure. That puts us out of the Ramsey Show and the books. We'll be back with you before you know it. In the meantime, remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace, and that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.