The Ramsey Show - App - You Don't Even Know What Page You're On! (Hour 3)

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

Ken Coleman & John Delony answer your questions and discuss:   "How do my wife and I get on the same page with our spending habits?", What to do when feeling lonely at work, from the blog: How to Deal with Loneliness When it's beneficial to change degrees to reach career goals faster, "The dealership told me it's cheaper to finance through them than to pay cash", from the blog: How to Buy a Used Car Right Now "My girlfriend has high expectations for a house - how can I afford this?", from the website: Ramsey Mortgage Calculator Have a question for the show? Call 888-825-5225 Weekdays from 2-5pm ET Join a Personality-led FPU class. Click here! Enter The Ramsey Cash Giveaway for a chance at $3,000! https://bit.ly/TRSgvwy Shop our bestsellers during the $10 Sale! https://bit.ly/TRS10Sale Want a plan for your money? Find out where to start: https://bit.ly/3cEP4n6 Listen to all The Ramsey Network podcasts: https://bit.ly/3GxiXm6 Interested in advertising on The Ramsey Show? https://ter.li/s64ye3 Learn more about your ad choices. https://www.megaphone.fm/adchoices Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy

🎵 Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the pods, moving and storage studio, this is The Ramsey Show. It's where America hangs out to have a conversation about life, specifically your money, your mental health, your relationships, and your work. They're all tied together. Isn't that interesting?

I'm Ken Coleman, joined by Dr. John Deloney. The toll-free number to jump in is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. We've got a fabulous audience in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions. People are just fired up. They're clapping or air clapping. They're giving John the rock sign. What is that thing that you do?

Is that called something or is it just the universal sign for I like rock and roll? What is that? I think it depends on what kind of mood you're in. It's adaptable. I think it's adaptable. All right, good. Because it's your thing. It's a default setting.

I've been to a lot of rock and roll shows. It just happens. You do. You go to those things yeah i'm always inspired by like here i am i'm sitting on my back porch watching golf and i'll pull up instagram and john's at a mosh pit and i'm thinking to myself it's not me when i was a kid i'm impressed when i was a kid there was always one old guy in the mosh pit and now it's you and i realized the other day i was like oh i'm that guy it's you yeah and i'm sitting there going out of admiration but i'm also going yeah it's a little too loud sweaty for me it's very loud and very sweaty i like the golf the guy talks like this now putting a 25 foot putt and you want noise and sweat and it's fantastic my counselor recently my counselor recently asked me where's a place place that you can be fully you?

And I was really... The mosh pit. Yeah. I don't have to be on. You got to be on at work. You got to be on. Oh, it's right there. It's there.

I'll tell you one other place that I've had the unfortunate reality to witness is on the back of Dave's ski boat when we were tubing and he's trying to murder us. And I'm next to the tube and John, and John, we're both in our 40s, and John is trying to come off of his tube and climb onto mine, and all I can think about is John's significant knee or elbows going into my face and killing me. And he's like a two-year-old out there. He's having so much fun.

I'm like, be safe. No, my favorite comment you've ever made to me was, hey, knock it off. Yeah, so true. I told him, I'm going to die on this lake. We're going 80 miles an hour down a lake, and I'm jumping tubes. By the way, if you wonder if Dave is gentle in dragging the tubes, no. He's truly trying to maim us. It is quite the scene to behold.

But enough of that. Let's get to your calls. Gabriel is joining us in Atlanta, Georgia. Gabriel, how can we help? Good afternoon, gentlemen. How are you doing? We're having a blast. What's up?

Hey, my question is, how do I get my wife and I to be on the same page with our spending habits? Tell me about your spending habits. Well, right now, for the past month, we've been on a budget, and it's going great. I mean, seeing where our money is going. The thing is, I'm getting a new job. I'm starting this coming week, and my wife just started a new job last week. And we're basically going to be making more money than we ever have together.

And so, I mean, that's a great blessing. Just for information, what are you guys going to be making more money than we ever have together. And so, I mean, that's a great blessing. Just for information, what are you guys going to be making together? So combined is about $90,300. Great. Free tax and free benefits, you know, like healthcare. Excellent. Congratulations. On top of that, I have a second job, which I estimate I can make about $30,000 doing that second job as well. Is that in addition to the $90,000 combined? Correct. In addition.

Right. We're $42,500 in debt. And I estimated our annual spending, this is just our four walls and what it takes to take care of our dog, is about $48,380. $12,000 of that is the GOK fund, which is the God Only Knows fund. Okay. Could you explain that a little bit more? Is that your emergency fund?

No, that's going to be our annual spending the 12k there that's just like i put i just i don't know exactly how i really don't know how much spending has been until now so i was like you know what i'm just going to say as to that budget of the annual budget a thousand dollars for you know breaks on the car or an emergency vet visit or you know all right here's the deal here's the deal here's the deal you You can, total debt is $40,000 about, is that what you said? Correct, $42,000. Okay. So you can do one of two things, and you and I will still be friends.

Ken too. Okay, is that cool? I'm not ready to commit to that yet. Okay. Oh. I'll still be your friend. Oh, come on, Ken. I'm kidding, of course.

You can do one of two things. Thing number one is you can look at your finances and your new marriage and new jobs, and y'all can come up with a plan that works for you and your family and your home. That's great. Knock your lights out. Go get them. We'll still be friends. We'll still hang out. All that's cool. Or you can take the simplest, most direct path that millions of people have done and get your butt out of debt and start having the marriage and the sleep and the hooking up with your wife and the vacations and the families that you want to have. You can pick. Yes. It's actually funny you say that because I feel like I want to go 80 miles an hour just full gunning it, and my wife kind of wants to go 30.

Okay, but let me – I could already tell you why. Can I tell you why she wants to do that? Because of Gabriel's plan? Nope, because you are going 85 miles an hour in 50 different directions. You don't even know. You've got the God Only Knows Fund, and I'm not sure you explained it well, but I'm going to take a stab. He doesn't even know you've got the god only knows fund and i'm not sure you explained it well i'm gonna take a stab he doesn't even know what it is you don't even know it's just a lump sum of money every month that you're not sure where it's coming from so my friend your opening question was how can my wife and i get on the same page and the answer is you can't get on the same page when you don't even know what's on your page you're throwing like you're in a library throwing books

at her and you're like why don't you read these books and she's dodging books i think she's going slow down bro we don't even know what's in the god only known god only knows fun i think she's right by the way it's so so yeah so the god only knows fun that's just like it's like that we don't know what's going to happen you know when exactly we're going to need the tires or maybe something further. Okay. Well, that's different. That's not how we heard it. But listen to me, listen to me. Yes, sir. $1,000 in a savings account. That's it. And it should scare the crap out of you. You shouldn't be able to breathe because you only have $1, dollars in savings and every other penny goes to paying that 40 grand off what is the 42 40 we only got about a minute give me a real

what's the 42 grand so 42 grand is uh 23 uh 23 000 is uh student loans. $8,000 is car. Another $8,000 is credit card. And then the rest is a bit miscellaneous between my brother and mechanic. All right, here's the deal. Here's the deal. You make really good money. You just laid out a $120,000, roughly $120,000 income. You guys should be able to crush this very quickly. No more, what about this? What

about that? We're going to sign up. Now, here's the deal. I need a yes or no answer. Do you want to do it the way that we've taught millions of people to do it? Yes or no? Yes, sir. All right. Hang on the line. What are we giving him, John? We're going to give you Financial Peace University, the whole class, all the lessons, and I'm going to give you and your new wife the EveryDollar app premium version that will link with your bank for a year we're hooking you up you got to watch every lesson and you got to decide we're going to do this path the right way and then in no time at all you're going to be free man you're going to be free oh I can already I can already hear him

snoring with peace financial peace good stuff Good stuff. Hey, thank you, young man, for the call, Gabriel. Your best is yet to be, I promise. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey, you guys. Health insurance costs are only moving one way, and that way isn't down. And if higher costs aren't enough, the wait times to see your doctor are longer, and it's harder than ever to get anything approved through the bureaucracy. So if you feel like the system is working against you,

try a biblically-based alternative to health insurance, Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry that's helped hundreds of thousands of families like yours take care of over $11 billion in medical bills since 1981. And CHM has also helped them stay true to their values and avoid miles of red tape. And CHM support goes far beyond meeting financial needs. They'll also help meet spiritual needs. Members become part of a family who will pray with them

and for them when they experience a medical event. So listen, y'all, there's no better way to take care of health care costs. CHM programs start as low as $98 a month. So learn more today and join at chministries.org slash budget. That's chministries.org. events. We have, I guess they call it a pre-session before Dave comes out and speaks. And we really just sit there on two chairs and we take questions live from the crowd. And obviously, John is in the area of mental health and relationships. And then I'm in the area of work. And you just can't talk about mental health these days without talking about work. Because a lot of times work, the area where we spend most of our lives, is very, very stressful in a not healthy environment. And that has obvious impact

on your mental health, which then, if you're not handling all that well, you're dragging that stuff at home. And so we take those questions. And so, John, I shared this data on my show today, and I wanted to bring it in because again, this is fascinating stuff. The number two Google, not gurgle, Google, the number two Google search phrase with the blank, I'm feeling blank at work. So this is a pretty popular search. I'm feeling blank at work. And the number two search phrase is left out. Then what to talk about at work is being searched more than ever in the U.S. So as they look at the trends here, this is a clear trend. Now, it's not just a workplace issue. How to make friends, where to meet people, both of those phrases currently at all-time highs.

So what we're talking about here is when someone is searching for, I'm feeling left out at work. Give me some help. There is a longing to belong. There's a longing for connection. And let's add one more to this pile to get you to weigh in. How to make friends is currently 70% higher than how to make more money. Yeah.

So I led off on today's show where I focused on work. It was a little bit of a bait and switch, but it was not the switch. And it was more people are searching for friends than they are raises. Yeah. And the data doesn't lie no i think the conversation we're having globally and culturally about this loneliness epidemic the idea that when your body recognizes it is lonely you don't have anybody to call the middle of the night to keep your kids if your wife gets sick you don't have anybody to come over to your house and help you move a couch you don't

have anybody to fill in the blank you don't have anybody to call think right now if you're sitting somewhere quietly think right now you get a call that your mom or dad passed away who would you call and if you have to think more than two seconds there's probably a chance your body is trying to get your attention yeah and so everybody's reading this data and it's coming out all over the place everybody's talking about loneliness which is awesome but it doesn't uh cover over the fact that we got nowhere to go so people are going to work and trying to solve this like uh how do i make i'm left out at work i don't i don't how do i even connect and then it goes to a tools issue i don't know how to do this right well our skills

issue i don't know how to do this. Right. Or a skills issue. I don't know how to do this. Yeah, and I don't know that it's a hundred, I don't know that they're trying to solve it at work. It's just we spend more time at work. That's where they go with other people. And so anytime I'm engaged in something and I'm a part of other humans, I'm trying to naturally see where am I at in this whole deal? And we need connection. Now,

does your best friend in the world need to reside at work? I don't think so. It's fine if it is, it's not needed. But the idea of just having a connection, and it was stark to me that this is what people are searching. I feel left out. And there is a growing movement. I don't know if you've seen this. I share a lot of this on my show because I've been fighting this issue because I just don't think you can thrive at work and grow professionally and financially, just speaking on pure financial and professional growth, if you are isolated at work. You can do a good job, yes, but there's a growing movement on social media where it's like, I'm just going to go to work. I'm going to do my job. I don't want to be friends with anybody.

And we're not saying you've got to go to happy hour every night with people you work with. But while you're there, you need human connection. True or false? 1,000% true. And yet people aren't feeling that way. And so what's interesting is that people are searching this. So I'm bringing this up to you to go, what's your gut take as to why that many people are going uh i need some tools and tips on how to not be left out what's happening there i'm gonna go back to ken the same advice i give

people when they call and they say my kid doesn't like me so I don't even call them anymore. You're the parent. It's your job to bridge that relationship. Very similarly, it's very easy for leaders all across the country and CEOs to point at their employees and say, they're just quitting and cashing out. Have you made an environment where they feel unified towards a common mission and they're rewarded in the right way and they are seen and they are appreciated and they're heard? These days of I'm going to slash and burn costs until my employees, those are over. They're over.

Your business is going to fail underneath you. It's going to be replaced by somebody online, period. I had somebody recently, I bought some guitars from a guy, and as I was leaving, he looked at me and he said, thank you for buying from us. And it was a sense that you can get stuff anywhere. You can get it anywhere now. You chose us.

Thank you. And I want every CEO to understand that choice is continuing to expand and expand and expand. I can for the life of me. I don't understand the resistance to what if we actually made coming to work a place where people wanted to be. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't either. Because every data point says you'll sell more.

You'll make more. I don't understand it. I don't either. Because every data point says you'll sell more, you'll make more. I don't understand it. By the way, for the leader who's failing to get this, your ability to lead is going to be a lot greater and you're going to get more done, less stress for you when you've got people who want to tow their end of the line. But here's two things I want to get your take on. And I shared this on my show today on this. I think that there's this left out creep has snuck up on some people. And what I mean by that is, is I'm not sure it's a conscious choice all the time, but I think people are, I love that you said it's kind of on you, the parent, if your kids aren't talking to you. And I think on, on these people searching this on some level,

there's some things they can do. And I think that social media has made us less social. We're connected, but we're disconnected. We're connected to information about all the people we know. We're communicating, but we're not connected. Yeah. That's, yeah. Thank you. And then I think there's something else. I wrote this down. I think that because of social media, now this is not the update in the comparison and the connect. It's just I'm now more aware of things and 24-hour news. I feel like our country and I think the pandemic lit it on fire. I think it was happening. And I think the pandemic made it about you're either a mask, vax person, or you're not. And I think politics was already that way. I think politics is even worse. And so we're at a point now where it's like, I can't be friendly with someone who I fundamentally disagree with on this, this, this, and this. And I think, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm afraid that polarization,

societal issues, politics, faith, pick the topic. I think polarization is pulling us apart and I think it's isolation is the result of polarization I don't know if I'm right it just feels like that's part of it because I go to the office and I go I could be friendly to this guy but I heard him talk about this guy the other day I think it's hard to even know anymore

because everybody's going I don't want to share what I know instead of sharing my because it distills down to three or four issues right on either side of the aisle and so because everybody's going i don't want to share what instead of sharing my because because it it it distills down to three or four issues right on either side of the aisle of course these three or four things that's right and i'm afraid to put mine out there because i don't know what you're where you are on these three or four things forget the 45 million things that we have in common it's these four things that tell the world you're on this team or this team and so

we just turtle up and you turtle up for six months a year which is by the way you're right because what to talk about at work is being searched and i think that's people going what can i okay yeah can i talk how do i how do i how do i i haven't done this for one year two years three years i don't have the skills how do i go back and do this and that's where i'm going to go to the leader it's it's the it's the leader's. It's the boss's job to create an environment where people are interacting. Just try it. Just try it. What if you made a business for 90 days, your employees could not wait to get there? I promise you'll make more money, even if it costs you more money out the gate. And for those of you trying to search, feeling left out, or what to talk about, here's

one thing. Talk about other people. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves. Ask them about their family, their friends, their lifestyle, hobbies. And guess what? You're going to find people that you connect to. And just be a human. You don't have to be an expert in some topic.

This is The Ramsey Show. This is The Ramsey Show, where we talk with you about your life, specifically your money, your relationships, and your work. I'm Ken Coleman. He is Dr. John Deloney. The phone number is 888-825-5225. That's 888-825-5225. All right, let's go. Oh, wait a second. I got to mention something, John. This is pretty exciting. Now, years ago, Stacey and I, we taught two financial piece, or we facilitated rather, two FPU classes back in Atlanta when we lived there. And it was some

of the most life-changing, fun stuff. We still stay in contact with some of the couples that we met in those classes, and certainly something that changed our life. And if you haven't heard this, John, Rachel, Jay, George, and myself, we're all teaching, facilitating Financial Peace University classes. They're calling it Take FPU with a Personality. And so mine is coming up um and this is going to be a lot of fun i did my prep yesterday john sign up for ken's class sign up well i was nervous that i would even be able to operate the zoom if i'm being completely honest but i've got a guy helping me the crack course at uh the team over there and then i know that less is incredible less is going to be with

me on making sure alex is with me he you got Alex. He basically makes sure I'm in the century. It's fantastic. I'm having a blast. And send it for Ken's class. You're going to have a good time. What's one of the most fun things that's happened for you? As you're sitting there. The level of vulnerability.

They came to play. They came to be serious. And so they want to change your life. Fantastic. Well, I'm going to be joining. It's going to be a Wednesday evening and Friday evening course option, and it starts next week. So if you want to jump in and that's a good time frame for you, go to FPU.com. That's FPU.com, and you'll find the class with me. We'll see you there. Jeremy's up next in Raleigh, North Carolina. Jeremy, how can we help?

Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call. Sure. What's up? I have a question really for Ken and career-wise, but currently I'm about two years into my MBA, and I'm considering switching to my MSA, my Master of Science in Accounting. Okay. My career path is to be a controller with my CPA certification, and so I just wanted to get Ken's perspective on that. Yeah, okay. So you're two years into the MBA.

How much time is left? And then the second part of the question is, I'm assuming you've done the homework, and what would happen? Do you add time? What would transfer? What would transfer over to the MSA? Sure. So I'm about two years in.

I have about another year and a half left with my MBA. I'm actually, with the change from MBA to MSA, would also be transferring schools, just a better program. And so if I were to completely change to the MSA, it would be about three, three and a half years. If I were to continue my MBA and then get my Master of Science in Accounting, it would be about four years. Okay. And how much additional money to move over to the MSA? How much out of your pocket? Well, that's, yeah, so that would be the great thing is my employer just came out and offered that they pay for it. So up until this point, I've been cash flowing it, but now my employer would be willing to pay for it. They would be willing to pay to finish my MBA and then go on to my MSA. But in the homework that I've

been doing about switching, I've started to have this consideration of just, you know, foregoing the MBA and going right to the MSA. Can you sit for your exams with your MBA? I know a lot of controllers that have MBAs. Yep, I do too. You can, just to be, well, at least for the state of North Carolina, you have to have 20 graduate accounting hours aside from your basic accounting classes. So it changes or varies from state to state, but I know for North Carolina,

the MSA gets you very close to what you need for that. Do you want to know, I'm saying, can you finish your MBA in a year and sit for these exams? I don't believe with the course of study I'm in currently. It is possible, I'm sure, maybe with a different tailored plan, you know, an MBA in accounting with an emphasis in accounting or so. That's what I – I don't know for sure.

I need you to get Sheree Johns on to something. I'm just telling you, I'm thinking, I'm trying to run through the controllers I know personally. They all have MBAs. And so maybe they just say they have mba because they don't want to explain what msa is but i think you can if you have enough graduate hours in accounting which in an mba class you should man because here's what i want you to look at i want you to look at lost time too we talk about like a degree costs this much money. This takes this long to do it, but you lose the wages you can learn on the back end too while you're in school.

And so there's just a cost to your life, man. So there's a lot here on paper that you gave us. But what I don't understand, do you want to stay at this company long-term? Your current company that's willing to pay. Okay. And so are they willing? They're not willing. Did I understand they're not willing to pay for the finishing of the MBA? They're only willing to pay for the MBA if you then go on to the MSA.

Did I understand that correctly? They would pay for, they open the door to me to figure out what I want to do, and they'll pay for my school. Okay. Well, to John's point, I'm not sure you answered my question, but I want you to dig into can I make a couple adjustments on the MBA program and not have to do the MSA? Because I think John's right.

The time on this is a lot of schooling, and if they like you and value you and they want you to move up the ladder, I would get their take on it as well. That's why I asked, do you want to be there long-term? Because it sounds to me like they value you enough to offer this, and they see a path of growth, which I love this. But I just think you have to look at both situations, and I'm going to do what I do a lot of times on my show.

You called to ask us, but I think you have a pretty good gut feeling, and I want to know which way you're leaning. I would say the MSA, just because that would, and the MSA program that I'm looking at would give me, would get me three out of the four tests through the CPA exam. Perfect. And then it would be up to me to get the score. And you can carry your job, but you could still win at the job and still move up? Yes, sir. All right. So it sounds like I've been talking out of both sides of my mouth.

That's exactly what I did. I had my degree, and I went another four-plus years, five years. My company paid for it, and that's what I did. So if Ken pushed you and you answered, as far as I'm concerned, you answered that the right way. I think he did. This is in your soul. You're going to come out here with almost all the way to licensure. That makes

a lot of sense to me. And the reason I'm slam dunk on it is because he wants to be there long term and they've proven they want him. The only thing I would challenge you on as just a guy from higher ed is just the currency of an MBA is different than an MSA. You could tell somebody at a cocktail party,

hey, I've got an NBA, and they might be looking for somebody XYZ, and you're going to go, oh, okay. So if you're this close to the end of that credential, man, I would take a long, hard look at that before I walked away from an NBA MSA if you're right there and somebody's paying for it. That's just something to consider.

Would you consider me coming back to my MBA after I finish my MSA? Yes. I'm in a slight disagreement with my friend, but he also comes from an academic world where he's in conversations where people give a crap about an MBA. I hang out with business people that don't give a crap. And I think that if you want to move up the ladder, so it's not that I don't disagree with John. I'm just saying, I think the MS you want to move up the ladder so it's not that I don't disagree with John I'm just saying I think the MSA is the move if you want to come back later and get the NBA after you find out if it matters or not but I also understand the spirit of which he's saying that you're already in it uh but I want you to get on the right ladder and uh I think you're gonna make the right call either way but I I just tell you this the training to get the exams to get

the promotion somebody's paying for it. That's why I'm in agreement with you on moving to the MSA. But neither choice is going to be bad for you. You're a rock star. Can I just compliment you? It's a big stinking deal when a company is willing to pay for that kind of education. That means they're investing in you, and I hope you walk taller tonight because that's really great.

Really proud of you. Yeah, Thank you guys. I appreciate it. Yeah, you bet. Interesting stuff there, you know. And I think more people ought to go to their companies and go, hey, here's an idea. Don't be arrogant about it. Don't be demanding, but just go, hey, if I were to go get this, would you be willing to invest in me? Because I'd like to be here. What are your thoughts? Here's something I did. I didn't even go that route. I said, hey, you provide this much professional development. You fly me to a conference every year, and it costs about $2,500 all in.

That's what the cost of one graduate class is. Can I trade? Because I think this class would be better for our company. And my boss went, done. Not even a question. Done. Absolutely. And that ended up being a great thing for us.

Wow. I love it. That is good stuff there. Hey, really, really fun call there. I love that. All right, don't move. We got more of your calls coming up. This is The Ramsey Show.

Welcome back, America. You're joining the conversation here on the Ramsey Show. I'm Ken Coleman, joined by my colleague Dr. John Deloney. The phone number to jump in on the conversation about your life, specifically your money, relationships, and work is 888-825-5225. Our scripture of the day comes from Psalm 90, verse 12, so teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. And then our quote from Frank Sinatra.

As smooth as he was, this may be his greatest contribution. I'm going to live till I die. And he dropped the mic. Was Frank drunk when he said that? Or was he just feeling philosophic? I think he was just being wise. Yeah, I'm going to live until I die. Didn't need to add more to that.

Pretty strong stuff. I love it. It's pretty wise. Yes, it is. All right, let's go to New York City, the Big Apple, where Brian awaits. Brian, how can we help? Hello, Brian. Hi, how are you?

Thanks for taking my call. You bet. What's going on? So I'm looking to purchase a used car. We followed the plan. We saved up all our money but every dealership we go to uh is willing to give us more or less 500 to a thousand dollars off if we were to finance instead of paying up front because they make more money they have an incentive to finance the cars from their dealership. They are trying to make themselves more money. They are not your friends.

So would you say forego that $1,000 discount? I can tell you what, I just bought a new car a few months ago, and I said, I'm not doing that, and this is what I'm going to pay for this car. And I actually ended up punting out probably two or three extra months, and a really remarkable guy from the dealership ended up calling me back, and we shook hands. Oh, yeah, that's better. We were thinking of putting maybe like 95% down

and then maybe trying to just pay it off all at once to get that discount. Maybe I, I, I understand that mathematically. It makes sense to me to say like, well, fine, I'll take the thousand bucks. I'll go through all the rigmarole.

Um, I don't, I don't want to participate in the game. And so if somebody says, Hey, I'll give you a thousand dollars off, then that's telling me you can. So cool.

That's the new price. You just said it. I'll, I'll write you a check right this second and I'll hand you a check. if you don't want my check i'll walk out the door oh okay i appreciate it yeah and all i can tell you is that's how i'll do it in my house like you know i'm sure someone can sit down and map out the math better than that i'm just not gonna play that game man yeah i i agree and would you have reservations with purchasing something secondhand? I'm not a car guy. Obviously, I could save a lot of money. I have the cash. What do you mean by secondhand?

Rather a private sale. ask them if they'd be willing to let you take it to your mechanic. Figure it out. Yeah. You know, and if they aren't, and if they feel shady when you look them in the eye and you're asking basic questions, then, you know, if it's too good to be true, it's from my experience, it's true, certainly when it comes to used cars. But, man, I'm going to tell you something. I'd be all over Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist, whatever. I mean, private selling right now, I mean, people are much more willing to negotiate. And if you show up with cash, I'll never forget the first time I bought a car from someone else. I was probably in my late twenties, you know, and I was just looking for something to upgrade. And I walked up to the

guy. I liked the car. I looked at it. I think it was an Infiniti J30. It was silver. And it was pretty cool little car back then. i and i and i he was asking i think 7500 for it or something and uh i walked in with 6500 i mean to this guy's house in his driveway i looked at it i liked it and i literally pulled out 6500 in cash and put it on the hood it wasn't dramatic i just, this is what I can offer you. I can't offer you any more. This is all $6,500 in cash. And he went, well, young man, I believe you got yourself a deal. And I just think that's more likely to happen when you're talking to a real person who doesn't have margins and a manager and all those

other things. So yeah, I'd go secondhand all day long. All day. We're going to put a link in the show notes to an article on how to buy a used car, and it will walk you through all the steps you can take. I know that many mechanic shops across the country have a deal. You know, for $350 or $500, we'll look at a used car or $150, whatever it may be. We'll look at your used car. We'll do our 128-point inspection. We'll run through it, and we'll just take a quick look at it.

But I think I would do that with any one of my used cars, but I mean, I wouldn't think twice about secondhand purchases. And Brian, you know it's not the best deal. You called us to get our take. There you go. But trust your gut. You were right. Let's go to David now in Santa Monica, California. Oh, I love me some Santa Monica Pier. I could smell the food right now, John. Let's go, David. How can we help? Hi, thank you guys, first of all, for taking my call. My girlfriend has high expectations for a house. How do I afford it? David, why are you dragging us into this? By the way your tone is, i don't think you can afford it you know you can't afford her expectations well that's uh but how do i i mean she earns a decent uh living and we're kind of thinking about whether you know it's time for us to for me to maybe propose and you know but i want to set this out right before david you're my hero and that's why i

want you guys advice all right here's my advice i'm gonna be like no here's my advice advice number one is um and there there's a moral aspect to this let's put that aside the business wise mathematically don't buy a house with somebody until you're married there are legal protections to home ownership that don't apply when you are just dating somebody okay if you are married and y'all get a divorce and you sell the house there is a a legal structure for how that that separation works if you are just dating then you're talking forensic account you're talking a mess. I didn't pay that. You paid the rent. I paid the, oh my gosh. So that's step number one. Let's pretend

y'all got married. Y'all go down to the JP next week and y'all get married and now you're going to buy a house. Okay. There's a simple set of steps. You can have the highest taste in the world, the greatest standards in the world. That is awesome. I love all that. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. This isn't a matter of taste. This is a matter of math. And unrealistic expectations. On my math, I can't afford it. I'm not even talking about what your guys' ratio is. I'm talking about what... Then you can't afford david david listen so so you have to tell her this because if if you were to somehow try to make this work those unrealistic expectations

that she's got right now and you start working through this you go i'm already there there's no way then she needs to know that her expectations are unrealistic and thus she's going to deal with unmet expectations then we're going to find out if she wants a ring. This is the reality relationally for you guys right now. Yeah, you are going to be trading a house that you can't afford for anxiety, extra depression, for stress that you don't need. You're going to choose to die young. But I want to give her a number because she's going to come back at me and say, oh, okay, so if we can't afford this number, what number can we afford?

What can we put? 10% to 20% cash down and what is not more than 25% of our take-home salary every month. There you go. As a mortgage payment, period. I bought a house two and a half years ago. That's the same ratio I use. Ken bought a house. That's the years ago. That's the same ratio I use. Ken bought a house. That's the same rate.

That's that's no, no, no, no. But what, what, what, what her comeback to me will be is listen,

you bought your condo, uh, when you couldn't, and technically I couldn't afford it back, uh, what I was earning back then, which was 12, 15 years ago.

But now, because I bought in a great neighborhood and I have earning back then, which was 12, 15 years ago. But now, because I bought in a great neighborhood, and I have quite a bit of equity in it, that's... When you get married, sell your condo, brother. Why don't you use this same rationale? Well, number one, you could say I was young and dumb, and if we want to go back 15 years, I was an idiot. Yeah, but I want to know, does this woman want you or does she want a house?

Y'all don't need to get married right now. I got to tell you, man, I don't know, John. I don't have a good feeling about this because your comebacks are all based on you agree with us. But all you're telling us is what she's going to say. Yeah, but my friend, you agree with us because you believe it. So is what she's gonna say yeah but my friend what do you you agree with us because you believe it so forget what john and i think you believe it and yet all you're worried about is her comeback and i think you guys are miles apart on her comeback is a kid in a in a sandbox like i'm taking my ball and going home yeah we all did stupid stuff 15 years ago thank

god we survived him i'm not doing it again. I love you and I love our future and I love our relationship and I love our future marriage more than I do trying to get the bathrooms to look just right. I'm not going to live that life. No house, no ring yet, David. Alright, John Deloney, great hour. I want to thank the team for

keeping us on the air and you, America, for listening. This is The Ramsey Show. Hey folks, Ken Coleman here. Did you know The Ramsey Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world? Get your daily dose of advice on life and money. Check out all of our shows from The Ramsey Network wherever you listen to podcasts.